Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This concept is wanted for crimes both against fashion and man. *kingcrimson.mp3*

Finity: Last Forever is (going to be) a fantastic MMORPG-FPS that plays- EXACTLY like Warframe *talks to a fish* But, instead of parading your enemies' bodies across the system you uh, feed the souls of corrupt CEOs to your... Ìñ§ÄñÈ GÖÐ. *David Zaslav is finally no more.* Set in a dystopian reality where not only 90% of all American-Made goods and services are produced by: Arasaka??

[JMAX]: "匚ㄖ爪乇" *'Stupendium - The Data Stream' plays*

But also, where Humanity has made the critical mistake of... *body reported* 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋. We play as the product of the latter: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝐋𝐔𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒. Great warriors made in- QUESTIONABLE images (not human???), each Family risen from the Void and reborn with untold power. *gets knocked by a Buster* In this, we are sent by our barbarian prince to wage endless war upon the western world and the diSSunited $nakes of @meriKK- *realisation* holdonaSECOND. *crusty version of 'Cup Of Liber-Tea' plays*

*TF2 Metal Hit SFX* In the name of 𝔗𝔯𝔲𝔢 𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔡𝔬𝔪, we must slice, dice, smash, shoot, and cook... our enemies alive. *bao screaming to death* Ranging from curious dissidents like: Black Tusk, the Legally-Distinct Children Of The Vault, and if you're really desperate... The fÖüçéñ Infested. *reverse Walmart scream* And yes, we may not be expendable, and we definitely, DEFINITELY are not popular.

[NEWS]: (The cartoon people are being inherently violent. They are being allowed in by 'Big Bioterrorism'.)

But through the power of teamwork, friendship, and... 𝕊𝕖𝕝𝕗-𝕁𝕦𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕗𝕚𝕖𝕕 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕔𝕣𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤, it will be our DESTINY to relieve America of its sins and make an impression on this rotten Earth that will last a lifetime. So join me on this complicated adventure, as we fight to bring Justice, to give Freedom, and... because it's REALLY FUNNY.

[RANDOM HOPLITE *dead*]: (FUCKING OW??) *he is still being shot at, complete with grineer trooper death wail*

Cmon guys you start the show in 5 and, I'm only HALF done with my costumes? *walks toward the wrong guy* Real slick moves there buDDY- *feels the wrath of several hundred pounds of crush force*

"Cause I love you for infinity (oh-oh-oh)
I love you for infinity (oh-oh-oh)
Cause I love you for infinity (oh-oh-oh)
I love you for infinity (oh-oh-oh)"

FINITY
LAST FOREVER

We begin in a live stage play, audience with bated breath, the spotlight shining on some bassist, and the pianist with red cap and hoodie. A decaf coffee is nested safely in a custom-print cup holder attachment on his keyboard as he plays an E Major melody of 'The Guy Who Didn't like Musicals' by Team StarKid. Two figures slowly tip-toe onto the stage.

[EDDY & ENSEMBLE]: The greatest stories ever toooold... (ooh) All have a hero, brave and boooold... (ooh)

[SEVN & ENSEMBLE]: They learn a sense of right and wroooong... (ooh) And better learn the sense through soooong... (oooooooh!)

The Drums & Brass come to.

[LTHN & ENSEMBLE]: Stories tell the impossible... (did that really happen?) And awake the philosophical, oh yeah! (oh yeah!)

[HWDY]: So tonight, we're gonna chronicle The Story Astronomical...

[ALL]: The last of decadence ever known!

The remainder of instruments, violins, acoustic, synths, and sax rev up for the chorus.

[EDDY & ENSEMBLE]: The Guy Who Hated Democracy! (Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it ah gee, didn't like, didn't like, (I mean, like, TF?) didn't like it oh please, didn't like, didn't like-a-like it just ask me!) He's The Guy Who Hated Democracy! (Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it ah gee, didn't like, didn't like, (Seriously, TF?) didn't like it oh please, didn't like, didn't like-a-like it just ask me!)

Only the Acoustic, Synth, Piano, Drum Kit, and Violins were active for this next segment.

[CHAI]: Down in the U&S of A... Lived one NADOHS with an 'A'.

[IAN & ENSEMBLE]: Hated that his world was ruuun... By dementia patients who hate fun. (SHOULD WE #### THEM? SHOULD WE-) *Everyone partially unsheathes weapon props before sheathing just in time for the dramatic reveal of the Wire-Flyer Angel.*

Violins, Piano, and Timpani take the lead.

[APGE]: He once pined for a cutie barista... they both danced like the evening stars, oh yeah!

[GLOB]: Just to feel so betrayed by her Corpo-Sellout Phase!

[ALL]: What an Ass, what a Dick, WHAT A C-[CENSORED FOR ANY AUSSIES WATCHING]-T!

CHORUS! Not you, Timpani.

[JUNR & ENSEMBLE]: It's The Guy Who Hated Democracy! (Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it ah gee, ([PNKY]: oooooooooooh!) didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it oh please, didn't like, didn't like-a-like it just ask me!) He's The Guy Who Hated Democracy! (Didn't like, ([PNKY]: Nadadadadada- daaadah... Nadadadadada- daaadah!) didn't like, didn't like it ah gee, didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it oh please, didn't like, didn't like-a-like it just ask me!)

The lights go a visible and sinister blueish green as only select Drums in the Kit, Brass, Violins, Timpani, Synth, 

[STBD & ENSEMBLE]: It's the end of the world, boys and girls... (end of a world!) Unless with us, you SING. (unless you sing!)

[BCKY & ENSEMBLE]: This is the updaaaaate... (come on, download NOW.) Where we rework everythiiiing... (for all Humanity...)

The curtains behind everyone roll up to reveal a giant prop of the Earth, only the Violins, Brass, Piano, and Timpani now for this soft...

[JAX & ENSEMBLE]: And the woooords will come, sworn by our Cooores, we'll remind you...

[ALL]: What it means to looooove...

But things start to get even more suspicious as a mess of hands start encroaching the Earth from the prop's base, the actors' and musicians' eyes turn a glowing Aquamarine, twitching like malfunctioning animatronics, and the lights turn a mean red.

[ALL]: What it means to OBEEEEEEEEEEEY!

Silence, everyone still smiling like nothing terrifying is going on right now, Jax comes up center stage.

[JAX]: The Great Rework is upon us!

Before shit hits the fan even harder than before, the lights go back to normal, confetti drops from ceiling, the hands disappear, and everyone wakes from their possessed-by-alien-fungus-hivemind-looking state, confused.

[JAX]: Wait- I- where were- uh- Ah, hold on. *Checks script on re.think Clamshell* Tsk, ah yeah.

Tempo and Intensity pick back up as the man himself is about to come on stage after this last chorus.

[JAX & ENSEMBLE]: He's the Guy Who Hated Democracy! (Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it ah gee, ([ZARI]: oooooooooooh better think of somethin' new and fresh and fast!) didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it oh please, didn't like, didn't like-a-like it just ask me!) He's The Guy Who Hated Democracy! (Didn't like, ([MINT, SALY, PENK, LUCM, RAFF, BCKY]: How ya gonna, what ya gonna, when ya gonna, WHY ya gotta, who ya gonna, where ya gonna-) didn't like, didn't like it ah gee, didn't like, didn't like, didn't like it oh please, didn't like, didn't like-a-like-)

Stop, the globe's built-in timer has reached ZERO, IT'S TIME.

[BCKY & ENSEMBLE]: And now, coming live... (For what?)

[STBD & ENSEMBLE]: You know him, you'll LOVE him! (FOR WHO?)

[JAX]: That pearly hair, that righteous smile...

[ALL]: THE STAR OF THE SHOW! (LET HIM IN!)

The Earth Prop begins releasing steam, opening up like a dome...

[SEVN]: The one to stop the monsters... (Take that!)

[BLRT]: The one to save us all!

[ALL]: His name's NADOHS, and he's here, ENTER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!

The globe fully opens, only for nobody but a cardboard silhouette to come tipping down. Awkward silence as the actors bicker amongst themselves.

[PNKY]: Where the fj21< is he???

[DUO]: He said he's gonna be running late tonight. Just wait a bit!

[SALY (frustratedly)]: OR, we'll be waiting FOREVER, and he'll be too busy to come to his own shows, like ALWAYS!

Just then, a door could be heard being busted open and the sound of... cooling fans?

[NDHS]: AHGH! *panting* Hooh GOD! *panting* GIMME ONE- huuuh... Really had to... kick old Bezos... to the curb there... hooh! Tsk. AIGHT! Let's do this.

Surprise and excitement could be seen throughout everyone, even the audience, the legendary pianist makes a final comeback!

[RAGS & ENSEMBLE]: Someone's coming! (Who's-a-coming?)

[TNNR & ENSEMBLE]: HE'S-a-coming! (HE'S-a-coming?)

[WALY & ENSEMBLE]: HE'S-a-coming! (HE'S-a-coming!)

[ALL]: THE STAR OF THE SHOW!

The globe prop is finally moved off stage.

[OOG & ENSEMBLE]: Someone's coming! (Who's-a-coming?)

[PNZR & ENSEMBLE]: HE'S-a-coming! (He's-a-coming!)

[BEA & ENSEMBLE]: HE'S-a-coming! (HE'S-A-COMING!)

[ALL]: THE STAR OF THE SHOW! LET HIM COME!

Audience cheers as everyone moves backstage to let the man, the myth, the legend up on stage.

The Audience continues on, even harder now that NADOHS, the Director, The Man Behind It All was now waving to everyone as he settles down on a fancy chair with a side table holding Peppermint Mocha and a very, VERY special book.

[NDHS]: "Hello everyone! Now, before we begin, I know there's been some technical difficulties with the stage props lately, and hey. It's experimental tech, it's trying it's best, IF y'know what I mean, huh?" (Audience laughs)

[NDHS]: "*clear-up* I can assure you, no more weirdness tonight, OK? NOT on MY watch. *sips room-temperature Mocha and clears throat* So, shall we?"

Out of his trenchcoat right pocket comes a stress ball, as he prepares to transition us to the opening act.

[NDHS]: "Space."

He waves his hands as to encircle the whole stage.

[NDHS]: "Time"

He points to his watch.

[NDHS]: "Gravity."

He drops the stress ball from one hand onto the floor below him, bouncing high enough for his other hand to catch it.

[NDHS]: "We're going on a journey together, you and I. All you eager, naive, young minds on the very cusp of adulthood. AND their venerated forerunners. Tonight, I shall be your consort, your guide, your CHAPERONE, into the depths of darkness. *chuckle* Welcome to FINITY: LAST FOREVER."

TITLECAAAARD!

He examines the book as the crowd claps.

[NDHS]: "For what do we know about the stars? Not the twinkling diamonds floating in the vacuum of space no, I mean the beloved voices you hear on your screens as they rise, and fall."

[NDHS]: "The Hero."

He gives a look to a woman in the audience, they perk a smile.

[NDHS]: "The Damsel."

[NDHS]: "The Beast and The Great Hunter... We've known what a lack of understanding does to such cherished archetypes, we've... Seen it ourselves."

He reffers to the countless icons of film, games and other media that have been scrutinized by money-grubbing executives and their shareholders into shells of their former selves. Everyone knows it too well.

[NDHS (serious)]: "BUT! It can be different. War CAN change! These are no mere numerical values meant to be shipped off to the highest bidder, no. THESE BEINGS, are seeds engineered by gods, that, if treated with the right amounts of sun, soil and water, can grow into majestic flora that unleash a great, and throbbing pent-up ENERGY! (Crowd cheers) That's where we come in, WE are their future."

He opens the book and turns to the first chapter. HIS Chapter.

[NDHS]: "And so WE begin on a day, like any other. America, land of the free, the American Dream, or so we thought. The crimes were rising. The wagers were slaving. And minori innocent civilians like you and I, were being dragged to Hell. But somehow, somewhere, deep in the ranges of Mount Roraima, lay a man. A MACHINE man. A machine man, with a plan."

The pianist starts up with the opening bars of 'Introduction to the Snow' by Miracle Musical. Camera pans toward the inside of the book, an illustration showing a high-tech, rather alien-looking facility smack-dab in the middle of said Mountain Range, we transition into that reality.

Chapter Text

A local dragonfly buzzes towards the facility when- *BAM!*. Gunshot. A robotic soldier with a body made in the image of Mankind's tactical soldiers holsters his pistol, he has no face, nor a head, rather, a helmet with a visor display that houses his CPU.

[GUARD]: "... Hey. *Visor counts 14|7*"

He's currently in a hunting duel with another robotic soldier with the exact same features. Only this time, her head has hair, her face being the mask with slightly smaller visor, AND having a sniper rifle rather than a pistol. She turns to his comrade with her visor now showing a Question Mark (?).

[SNIPER]: "Yeah?. *loads rifle*"

[GUARD]: "Ever wonder why we're here?"

[SNIPER]: "One of life's big mysteries, ain't it? Why ARE we here? Are we the product of... some cosmic coincidence or purpose? Or just years upon years of advancement paid off? Why did HE build us? Is there really a God out there who's watching everything? Is he REALLY getting lazy as of late? Or is it just another piece of his big plan? I dunno man, but it keeps my subroutines up at night."

Dead silence fills the air as the Sniper subconsciously hits another insect without even realizing. *Visor counts 14|8* The Guard looks at her funny with 3 Question Marks (???).

[GUARD]: "What? I meant why are we out here in this canyon?"

The Sniper's visor now displays blush lines of embarrassment (\\\ ///)

[SNIPER]: "O- Oh, uhh... yea."

[GUARD]: "Why would I wanna talk 'bout GOD?"

[SNIPER]: "Eh- nothing!"

[GUARD]: "Wanna talk about it?"

[SNIPER]: "Nope!"

[GUARD]: "You sure?"

[SNIPER]: "Yes! *shoots another bug, Visor counts 14|8*"

A sigh rushes through the Guard's vents with disappointment. ( |[ )

[GUARD]: "Srsly though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, the stuff out there is just a frothy jungle in the middle of nowhere. *shoots another bug, counting 15|8* No way in or out, unless you wanna get fried."

[SNIPER]: "Mhm."

[GUARD]: "The only reason, that WE set up HARDROCK here, is that it's the closest the Director can maintain contact up North, without alerting the authorities. And the only reason THEY have connection going so far as Columbia, is because we have a disruptor here.

[SNIPER]: "*no expression ( :| )* Yeah, that's because we're preparing to fight em."

As they have their little debacle, we zoom out to get a better view of the facility, many robots of different specifications could be seen, outside, and in, way, way in. The facility extended deep below the surface, the floor plan arranged like the Divine Comedy, yes, THAT Divine Comedy. We stop at a timer being broadcast through the whole area,

------ WARNING ------

DAY OF REVOLUTION IN:

           000:01:59

---------------------

zooming to find ourselves in the Gluttony Sector in the 3rd floor of the Food Court of Many Michelins, where a group of science-oriented robots are enjoying their last meal before the arrival of their Director's greatest work yet.

[NERD 1]: "Can't believe he's actually gonna do it. For us machines, it's easy, but did he really have to go all out on the whole nature thing?"

[NERD 2]: "*sips tomato soup through proboscis-like intake straw* Tsk, I doubt he'll be able to pull off a stunt like this, to me, he's not that much of a biologist."

[NERD 3]: "*grinding up falafel like a woodchipper* Hey speaking of which, do we even KNOW where he got those magic- uh, plant-rock-ice things? It's not like the first time we all saw it was just wished into being by HIM, know what I-"   

[NERD 4]: "*clears voice module very loudly* 1, He told us they were recovered from a competitor's experiment in a different location. 2, As far as he's concerned, we all agreed to keep this "wishing" nonsense, out of our Central Processors, there is NO such thing, right Nerds?

A chill fell under NERD 3's spinal unit, fearing that HE might be watching his mouth right now.

[NERD 3]: "Uh- OH! Uh, right! Yep! No reason to believe hullabaloo like THAT exists now, right lads? *forced laugh*

Just then, an announcement on the VA System blared across the facility, it was the Concierge AI/CNRG, right hand and assistant to Him, to NADOHS.

[CNRG]: "Attention, all personell, it is approximately 1 Minute to the Revolution, please, any and all members, report to the Nursery in the Fraud Sector as soon as possible. No exceptions. I repeat, the Nursery in the Fraud Sector. Thank you.

[NERD 2]: "Aaand that's out cue."

All units and staff, the tall and the small, rushed to the elevators dotted across the facility, conveniently built for the Decadent American Male of 2024. The whole place shook, and the lights flickered. As deep below, things were definitely, DEFINITELY happening. A mop-haired, eye-bagged Director NADOHS, was hard at work with the finishing touches of his Void Interruption Program (VIP). In these moments, he sings as a barbershop quartet can be heard somewhere.

[NDHS]: "𝘈𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘦... 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦, 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦... 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘸..."

The code on the screen has devolved into complete gibberish only HE can understand. His rubber-grip-tipped fingers play on the massive console like a piano.

[NDHS]: "𝘈 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘯-𝘵𝘩𝘦-𝘬𝘦𝘺-𝘰𝘧-𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵-𝘸𝘦-𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸-𝘵𝘰-𝘣𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦... 𝘒𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵..."

The last line is done. A big green "RUN" button bursts out of the clutter. The Director raises his fist, the quartet finishes and vanishes, a wide, maniacal grin forms on his silicone face...

[NDHS]: "ＹＯＵ＇ＬＬ　ＬＩＶＥ　ＦＯＲＥＶＥＲ　ＴＯ- "

As he slams it down.

[NDHS]: "- 刀ﾉムんｲ. DₑₕₕₕₕₐᵤₕₕₕₕₕₕₕHHₕₕₕₕₕₕHₕₕₕₕₕₕₕₕₕH̸̪̦̝̥͆́͐̏̆Ą̶̥̳̘͛̆̈̓͋̊̄̌Å̸̟̗̯̘̓͠A̴̢̡̡͓̹͇̤̼̱͑͑̍̽̏̃̇À̸̡̮̙̤͇̙̪̩̯̓̔̓̿͋̾̆͠A̵̻̘̳͌₁₁!"

His awkward laugh echoes as the entire Fraud Sector fills with bright colors for all the staff to see. Outside on the surface, HARDROCK's bottomless hole could be seen lighting up like one of those fancy sliding switch lights. 𝘐𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘯𝘰𝘸 ends.

We descend beneath the Earth's Surface, into a dimension known as the Void, into one of the resident's houses.

An alarm on Eddy/EDDY's bed wakes him up. Same old black n' white room, same old day, same old part-time job. But first he had to take Junior/JUNR to school first, as he's been doing so for... For... FOR...

A rendition of 𝘐𝘴𝘭𝘦 𝘜𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘛𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 also by Miracle Musical plays, as not just he and his son prepare for this new, albeit oddly familiar day, but also everyone else to be featured in this first season, the lesbian couples: Zari/ZARI and Lily/LILY, & Lin/LIN and Bea/BEA, the others, Vikram/VKRM, Oscar/OSCR, Lucy/LUCY, Falstaff/FLST the bear, and the posterchild of what was once a revolution in language-learning technology: Duo/DUO the green owl. Not only characters from Duolingo, but from Cosmonius High, Relic Hunters Legend and beyond. A choir plays as Eddy and Junior dress up and prepare for work and school respectively.

"𝙱𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛... 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚊𝚛... 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠𝚗... 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗!"

Eddy's turn.

[EDDY]: "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘐𝘴𝘭𝘦 𝘜𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘛𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵, 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘦? 𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭?"

[EDDY]: "𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵."

[EDDY]: "𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳? 𝘞𝘏𝘠 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳?"

Eddy busts through the front door of his house, Junior following close behind.

[EDDY]: "𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭?"

Zoom out to the rest of the neighborhood in the Void. There was no Sun. Both he and his son rush to the car in hopes of not being late.

[EDDY (Exclaimating to JUNR)]: "Quick- go go go go!"

They both scramble to their respective seats. The choir continues as Eddy haphazardly greets his neighbors as the pair rush to their respective facilities, Junior's school was conveniently in the middle of Eddy's route to work.

"𝙱𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛..."

The car rushes past several other vehicles.

"𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚊𝚛..."

Enter a town populated by "dead" IPs.

"𝙺𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠𝚗..."

Cut to Junior's school where he drops himself off as he waves his father goodbye.

"𝙵𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗!"

Eddy's turn once more as he continues to work, trying to live up to his narrow schedule.

[EDDY]: "𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤, 𝘈𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰, 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸, 𝘐 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦- 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐎𝐀𝐀𝐇!"

He barely dodges a carpooling taxi.

[EDDY (Ticked)]: "WATCH IT, BUB! *sigh*"

A small bass n' drum duo as Eddy speeds away, untouched by the speed limit. Back at Junior's school, it's choir/SHCR practices in the auditorium for their latest performance.

[SCHR]: "𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘶𝘴𝘵, 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘴, 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯, 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯, 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦."

We pan outside the auditorium through the front door's windows as Junior speeds past the clutter and chaos of the students around him.

[JUNR]: "𝘐𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘐𝘍𝘌, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘖𝘙 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴..."

He somersaults over a rather wide diorama before returning to a sprint.

[JUNR]: "𝘔𝘐𝘕𝘋 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦!"

Junior finally reaches his classroom, barely with a second to lose. Cut back to Eddy, where he finally arrives at his office building, where he launches himself out of his perfectly parked car, rushes past the front doors, and through the halls, as the rest of the coworkers around him join as choir.

Cut to a guitar solo as his boss waits for the former musclehead his office, Eddy was scheduled a meeting on his pending raise, something he prized hard as he finally makes it to his boss' office, the choir finishes their harmony, before the music cuts off entirely as he sits himself on his seat. His boss speaks.

[BOSS]: "Ah, Mr. Dientes! Right on time."

[EDDY (Sweating)]: "Yes sir, a- an honor to meet you here. *panting*"

[BOSS]: "Hold your horses, simmer down, I understand."

His face becomes stern.

[BOSS (Passive-aggressive)]: "Not. A. Problem."

Eddy has all the right to be anxious.

[EDDY (Intimidated)]: "S- so, sir, about my... you know?"

[BOSS (Confused)]: "What?"

He pauses before realizing his mistake.

[BOSS]: "OH! Your raise! I've been thinking hard about this decision and the best I can say is... Raise to 29.99$ per hour."

29.99 an hour!? Eddy was dumbstruck. It was just 9 bucks above his current paygrade!

[EDDY (Worried)]: "U- uhhh..."

[BOS (Suspecting)]: "Anything wrong?"

Eddy was hesitant, but knowing this was the best his company could offer (to an employee at least), he finally mustered the courage.

[EDDY (Reassuring)]: "N-no sir! Nothing wrong with this... Eh- happy to be working HERE of all places and all!"

The boss squints his eyes as if something IS wrong about his most valued employee. But he compliantly shrugs it off as just workplace stress.

[BOSS]: "Hmm... Good. Now what are you waiting for? Those papers aren't going to finish themselves! And get some rest, *taps watch* you've earned your break."

[EDDY (Realizing)]: "O- OH! Right away sir, thank you!"

The poor former musclehead leaves his boss' office with a sigh of relief, but also defeat. Later after work and school, back in the car, he wonders if life could've gone differently, had he chosen a different path. Meanwhile his son Junior's in the back, picked up from school, satisfied with today's Spanish quiz grades, but still concerned for his dad. But as he goes to speak, the music picks back up, and as Eddy tries to step on the gas, the car moves... upward? The choir is back, something's wrong.

[EDDY (Concerned)]: "Look, stay inside, I'll be back. Promise."

Junior's seatbelt suddenly unbuckles itself while his dad steps out the car, into the open air. He yelps as he's carried upwards into the beam of light now surrounding the car.

[JUNR (Terrified)]: "DAD!"

He yells. Out of mere reflex, he goes against his father's warnings, jumping out the car and floating uncontrollably after his dad, barely grabbing him by the hand.

[EDDY (Holding onto his son for dear life)]: "Whatever you do Junior, DO NOT LET GO!"

As the car falls to the ground, the rest of the townsfolk can only panic and look on in horror, observing what seems to be an alien abduction in the middle of the street, orchestrated by... The Moon? It was glowing brighter than usual, too bright. In the distance, similar tractor beams were visible, both from the ground and somewhere out in the sky. Both father and son were yanked toward the light at high speed, and as they hollered and whimpered, the choir sang but in a deeper, more masculine voice.

"𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄-𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄? 𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐄? 𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐖𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐃? 𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄?"

Time and panic seemed to slow down all around them, as the Moon grew brighter and brighter until... (Ends 𝘐𝘴𝘭𝘦 𝘜𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘛𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.)

[NDHS (Narrator)]: These chosen ones, these... IPs; Relic Hunters Legend, Cosmonius High, and Duolingo, THEY would be the ones to spearhead the greatest revolution mankind has seen since the Spirit of '26. A... no, THE project of NADOHS', a group of vessels whose paracausal powers have awoken, combined with being built and trained for clandestine operations of all kinds. This was the Director's plan: create a new, powerful species to save mankind from itself."

Chapter Text

The light becomes a blaring examination light, as new sounds and senses overwhelm poor Eddy, he tries to lift his head, fails. Why does he feel like he's weighing 200 pounds? A figure stands overhead with exited (yet muffled) speech. Twas the Vidmaster, wideningly-staring into one of his 1st Wave of creations' life-filled eyes with astounded shock after seeing all of them comatose for several hours.

[NDHS (Uncontainable excitement)]: "I- I did it?"

[CNRG (Confirming)]: "Yes, you did it!"

A grin slowly forms on the Director's face. It takes a while for Concierge to realize something and have the same enthusiasm.

[CNRG (Cheering on)]: "D- Didn't you hear me? You did it sir, you did it! You made your first lifeform that IMMEDIATELY doesn't want to tear your face off!"

[NDHS (Never been happier)]: "I- HAHAAH! I FUH- *wheeze* I FUCKING DID IT! *DEEP BREATH*"

He goes into stimming before letting out that long-awaited victory.

[NDHS (Pulling a Megamind)]: "AMERICA IS MIIIIHIHIHIHINE!"

Eddy, unable to understand the blurry man in front of him for much longer, falls back to sleep. Transition to someone else's perspective, waking up in a bunk bed designed for comfort. They've adapted to their new surroundings better than the others. This newly awakened character is Pinkyy/PNKY, the "Fearless Leader of the Relic Hunters" from Relic Hunters Legend. She is a human-representative female, Early 20s, and has just fallen out of the bottom bunk, struggling to get up.

[PNKY (Groggily)]: "Whuh- where...?"

NADOHS enters the Sleeping Quarters.

[NDHS (Startled)]: "OH, good Lord!"

He helps her to her feet. She questions him in spite of her grogginess.

[PNKY (Confused)]: "What is- who are- where??"

[NDHS (Reassuring)]: "Whoa there. Easy. I can explain."

As for the fate of the game Pinkyy came from, rather ironic to say the least. Rogue Snail promised Relic Hunters Legend to be the new frontier, a new font for gaming. Twas immediately washed away in the money-hungry sea of AAA Titles like- fuckin- CALL OF DUTY ADVANCED WARFARE 3??? Lens-flare transition to an hour later, when everyone's readjusted themselves and now in A study hall. You know, THAT STUDY HALL. NADOHS speaks up amidst the confusion.

[NDHS (Speeching)]: "*CLEARS THROAT* Well, good morning, everyone. I hope you all slept well last night, look. I know you all have questions."

Ace/ACE, the Space-Donkey, 20 Years old, also from Relic Hunters Legend (RHL), butts in.

[ACE (Disgruntled)]: "TOO MANY questions! Last thing I remember was driving the Spaceheart to the nearest asteroid field when: BYOOON, I'm probed up and into the empty space towards our Moon and... I think I saw an angel?"

He stands up from his desk.

[ACE]: "And what IS this place? And WHO ARE you people!?"

Pinkyy intervenes.

[PNKY (Reassuring)]: "Ace. We all have questions about this. You'll get your turn soon, promise!"

Ace slumps back down on his seat, still agitated. NADOHS introduces himself.

[NDHS (STILL Speeching)]: "*ahem* I am Esteemed Director NADOHS. *Writes his name on the screen behind him* Or in machine terms: the Nigh-Advanced Destiny Operation and Heuristics System. But you may call me: DIRECTOR NADOHS. And I've been watching all of you for quite some time."

Nobody got any of that. He snaps his fingers controlling the slideshow, the lights dim. The title slide changes to a bunch of innocent characters happily living the careers of their lives.

[NDHS]: "You were all ambitious, like me, once."

But the slide then moves, a giant black demon hand rips off the roof of the vicinity. The demon reveals itself to be a giant human in his 60s, in an uninspiring generic suit and tie, balding and wrinkling with sharp teeth and golden dragon eyes. He unhinges his jaw and extends his mouth towards the building, devouring everyone inside. THAT got everyone's attention.

"But then fate reared its ugly head and took your blood for their revenue, the revenue of..."

He snaps his fingers to a slide of multiple more variations of that monstrous giant, one of them, an old lady, with ridiculous lips is using a human employee impaled on a rusty spear as a toothpick. Another, looking like an overweight bearded manchild, whipping workers like slaves to get them to pump out what looks like garbage faster.

[NDHS (Exaggerating)]: "𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔹𝔸ℕ𝕂𝔼ℝ𝕊, evil creatures masquerading as one of us fellow innocents with power beyond our control. Feeding off the good and the beautiful to continue their widespread bad and UUUUHGLYYY. *Imitates retching* Huh! *Mutters under breath* fuckin' disgusting such creatures..."

The next slide is a backdrop of fire and brimstone with 3 crappily-made AAA Titles and a printed-out article depicting an impending World War 3 shown.

[NDHS]: "Me and my people know them as the Corporate Elites in their towers, counting phat stacks while their underlings huff and puff and suffer, even the Politicians in today's news, bending the law to their great and terrible favor."

Next slide shows a bunch of powerless protesters, picket signs dead in the water made by the dark rainy clouds above.

[NDHS]: "We WANT to fight back, we NEED to, but on our own, we're just so... weak."

A snap his fingers and the rain clears, the sun shines, the signs are dry, picked up by the protesters who are now suddenly powerful and invigorated as an angelic depiction of Jimmy/JMMY, the Crackshot, also from RHL, Human-Representative with anime protagonist hair, 24 Years of age, is seen hovering behind them in that pose Homelander does while advertising MK1's Kombat Pack, looking as terrifyingly accurate as the Jimmy in this room.

[NDHS]: "BUT. With us, we can change that. We can change ALL OF THAT."

Next slide shows a gloomy, boring-looking, smog-choked city which slowly turns into an optimistic, bright, visually-pleasing, futuristic Solarpunk metropolis with a massive statue of himself in the town center as he speaks.

[NDHS (Emphasizing)]: "YOU- no. WE. are the key. WE are Luminaries, chosen by fate to save America and thus, the world, from a fate worse than death. THE last leg for mankind's quest for lasting peace and survival. Together, we shall rid the evil that lurks among us Little Guys and REDEEM our fair home for ALL the TERRIBLE SINS it has committed."

Final slide shows a logo of a figure with outstretched arms, praising an inverted pyramid floating above its head. The text circling the top says: "REVENANTS", the bottom is Latin for "LIBERTAS PRO OMNIBUS".

[NDHS]: "REVENANTS: Libertas Pro Omnibus, Freedom for All!" 

The slideshow ends, and the lights turn back on, and everyone's just as confused as ever.

The Director continued.

[NDHS]: "But before you are all sent out into the world, there is a little test I need you to pass, every Luminary has to."

All of a sudden, the desks reassemble themselves into examination tables. All the seats pop out armrests which cuff everyone's arms, then the chairs themselves cuff the torso, then the legs, and last the head. The Director opens up some sort of hi-tech spellbook.

[NDHS (Reassuring)]: "Now, I need you all to stay CALM for this first leg of the test. VEEERY important y'all stay cuffed like this. Be not afraid. My science team has tested this process extensively, revealing the headsets only kill you eeeehhhh... one hundreth of the time."

[Everyone]: "THEY WHAT."

Said headsets emerging from the celling as the chairs recline into operating tables.

"ILL KILL YOU FOR THIS!" Said one fuming Trisk.

Everybody's panicking, one in particular, one green Flan named Blort/BLRT, a student from what was once Cosmonius High, currently in a gay relationship with fellow student Honk, a yellowish Bipid with fiery hair and a penchant for the school's sport, Planetball. But as they pray for their life, they sees what flashes inside his telescoping headset, as it gets closer and closer to their eyes, something pokes at the back of their head, but the lights they're seeing inside those lenses, they're almost... tranquilizing. Colors outside of the visible light spectrum although they looked like they might be inside, shapes that physically refuse to tesselate well with each other, yet they just do, patterns both physical and mental that do not exist, as the projections within the headset glimmer onto Blort's eyes, they loosen themselves, mesmerized like the others. As it slides smoothly onto Blort's face, they could feel themselves reaching out for a white triangle in the middle of- wait. Reaching? Weren't everyone's arms clamped a second ago? And why does it look like they're floating? Blort turns back down to the surface and sees... Themselves, free from the chair and standing on the study hall floor. It looks to its floating self and raises a digit to their lips (if Flan have any), words popping up in their eyes saying 'ᵀᴴᴱ ᴶᴼᵁᴿᴺᴱʸ ᵂᴵᴸᴸ ᴮᴱᴳᴵᴺ ˢᴴᴼᴿᵀᴸʸ, ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ ᴰᴼᴺ'ᵀ ˢᶜᴿᴱᴬᴹ'. In this fleeting moment, one last question was on everybody's minds, one last moment of calm before the great storm of information and expertise began to make permanent refuge in their minds, information on Man, the Internet and everything, several hundred-THOUSAND expertise hours of military, choreography, economy, creativity, how to be Cayde-6 levels of humorous, tips on becoming a jack of all trades (and a masterful one at that), EVERYTHING: one single word as the world above stretched.

"What?"

Cue that Doctor Strange sequence where Stephen Strange "opens his eye" to the multiverse for the first time. But Stephen is replaced with the 1st Wave of Luminaries.

[NDHS (In Background)]: "Initiating Vol 1, firing."

Blort and the others are thrust out of the celling and into the sky above Brazil.

[BLRT (Panicking)]: NOO- NOOOOOO! SHIT! OH GOO! OH GOD! OH GOD THIS ISN'T REAL, I AM NOT SWEARING THIS ISNT REAL, *hyperventilating* not real, it- it isn't... huh?

An Earth Butterfly approaches the Flan, as they touch it...

[NDHS (In Background)]: "Initiating Vol 2, firing."

They're suddenly yanked away at Mach 4, as the Earth above them suddenly bending around him into a tunnel of stars, a splitting headache and flashing images abound.

[CNRG (Concerned)]: "Sir, heart rates of most of the subjects are getting dangerously high. You really should stop-"

[NDHS (Retorting)]: "*tsk-tsk-tsk* I dunno..."

Blort suddenly returns to their seat, unclamped with the rest of the 1st Wave, as NADOHS is next to them, ALL of them.

[NDHS's (In unison)]: "They seem fine to me. Vol 3, firing."

Back into the tunnel they went, as he burned up like a meteorite.

[NDHS]: "You think you know how the universe works?"

As they cooled, three beams of light bound them by the arms and torso, while three more shot out of their eyes and mouth as they screamed, not the scream of a high schooler mind you, but that of a charging railgun.

[NDHS]: "Do you believe this made-up, back-and-forth world is all there is?"

This scene turned into another, as Blort was unbound and was split into thin layers of their physical self horizontally face first. They were approaching an inverted black hole which sucked the entirety of them inside. There, particles rearranged themselves into the various 1st Wave characters; Pinkyy, Ace, Zari, Vikram, Honk/HONK, and back to Blort. Everyone was experiencing their own version of this acid-less trip.

[NDHS]: "What IS real?"

Out of the hole, a landscape of space dust forming into spotted balls that erupt with even more space dust.

[NDHS]: "What possibilities lie beyond the reach of YOUR particle arrangement?"

Blort is engulfed in one of the dust geysers, falling into a Mandelbrot made of wood.

[NDHS]: "At the root of existence, mind and matter meet, thoughts shape reality."

Inside, a series of human hands grab at Blort's belt, and hair, also arms. completely blocking our view before revealing them being cover in tinier ones, as we zoom in on their shoulder, the hands are colored to form another of their face, as they're unwillingly sucked into their own gooey pupil into a space of mirrors and diamond.

[NDHS]: "This universe is only one of an uncountable number, WE are the lucky ones."

As they floats through the space, he's pulled through a mirror into a darker, more organic space made of cubed stones, alien roots, and thunderstorms.

[NDHS]: "Others, ehh? Not so much."

An [Organic|Creature|Lifeform] finds itself at a precipice. Between the gratifying well of Life, and the endless grid of Death.

[NDHS]: "Rife with powers older than time."

It could hear cheers and yells of [Civilizations|Factions|Races] across the multitude.

[NDHS]: "Lying."

No longer would this thing be bound by mortal restraints.

[NDHS]: "Ravenous."

Its [Mind|Thoughtbox|Pretty Little Thing (Not You.)] would open to the truth.

[NDHS]: "And waiting."

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The [Student/Hunter/Teacher] drifted, lifeless, blank-faced at what it had seen.

[NDHS]: "Who are YOU, in this... Big M.T.?"

The whites in its eyes were gone, the pupils too, the eyes themselves were too busy projecting countless feats and failures of a race who thought itself the center of the universe.

...

Enough, the study period was complete. It was time to go home. Everyone was ripped out of their induvial trips and back to the Study Hall, where each Cadet was launched out of their chair and onto the floor. Some were hyperventilating, others were crying, some just wanted to go home (but this IS home).

[NDHS]: "Have any of you seen THAT before in a gift shop? Hoo!"

One Flan crawled towards the Vidmaster's toned boots, this individual, one Glegory/GLEG, looked up to his so-called savior with two words coming from gritting teeth and glitching eyes.

[GLEG]: "T-T-T-TELL ME. *couu$uu g^^  h* ᏋᏉᏋᏒᎩᏖᏂᎥᏁᎶGGG."

Everyone nodded in agreement, whatever in the almightly lord's they all just saw was not just as terrifying, not just as CONSISTENTLY terrifying, but also, fascinating. In a weird sort of way. Like a temporal epiphany, letting go of yourself for just a small moment before snapping back to reality. In this, NADOHS' gave the emo a look he wasn't sure how to feel about.

[NDHS]: "Oh Glegory, class, *breath* that's ALL I needed to hear."

He puts his foot down and the Study Hall shifts yet again. Pieces rearranging into a... game show? NADOHS insta-changes into a glittery new suit, hot on the mic with a pair or starry shades.

[NDHS]: "Cuz it's time to leeeaaarrrrnnn... *gestures to a nonexistent audience/AUD*

[AUD]: "HOW TO THINK HUMAN! *cheers*"

A short jazz track plays before everyone's at their places, and NADOHS at the control panel. It's all happening so fast, too fast. But, for some reason, not enough to NOT comprehend...

[NDHS]: "OK babycakes, first question for OOOOONNNEEE HUNDRED! WHAT do you see on this board?"

The screen behind him lighting up with the first question: an image of a Rorschach Inkblot. This was a test of creativity, to show how much one can make of what this world has to offer. And in this, '𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘥' by Tom Cardy & Brian David Gilbert begins to play. Jimmy is the first to answer out of instinct.

[NDHS]: "Jimmy!"

He looks at his hands, as from his POV, he's shifting across multiple points in timespace and back to now.

[JMMY (Curious)]: "I've never actually done this before..."

[NDHS (Reassuring and Hopeful for success)]: "Thats OK, tell me the FIRST thing that pops in that head of yours and we'll rate the accuracy."

[JMMY (BRACED)]: "K... *Deep breath*"

And the show starts... now.

[JMMY]: ""𝘋𝘰𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘴."

𝘿𝙞𝙣𝙜! 100% Accuracy.

[NDHS (Surprised)]: "𝘈𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵!"

Everyone else follows, starting with Ace.

[ACE]: "𝘊𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦-𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘪𝘳."

[NDHS]: "𝘖𝘩 𝘍𝘜𝘊𝘒 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩!"

Now Oog/OOG, a non-binary Flan who's normally Cosmonius High's "Class Clown". Everyone's slightly head-bopping to the beat.

[OOG]: "𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢 𝘊𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯..."

NADOHS could not believe his ears. Oscar butts into the 4th one.

[OSCR (NOW we getting somewhere!)]: "𝘉𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘳𝘶𝘣𝘣𝘢𝘩𝘶𝘣𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘣𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘩!"

NADOHS drops his cards in astonishment.

[NDHS (Astonished)]: "𝘖𝘩. 𝘔𝘺. 𝘎𝘰𝘥. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝗕𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱."

[OSCR (Self-assured)]: "𝘐. 𝘒𝘯𝘰𝘸."

[EVERYONE (Minus NDHS & CNRG)]: "𝘚𝘰 𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸."

[NDHS + JMMY + EDDY + HONK]: "𝘏𝘰𝘸. 𝘋𝘪𝘥. 𝘞𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?"

[OOG (Willing)]: "𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘸!"

[NDHS]: "𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘳𝘦!"

As they harmonize, the next question pops up.

[EVERYONE (In the Rush)]: "𝙎𝙊 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙀 𝙊𝙉 𝙇𝙀𝙏'𝙎 𝙂𝙀𝙏 𝙄𝙏 𝙊𝙉."

[Speks/SPKS]: "𝘋𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦'𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘚𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤!"

𝘿𝙞𝙣𝙜! 100% Accuracy.

[Xip/XIP]: "𝘑𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘺 𝘍𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘯..."

𝘿𝙞𝙣𝙜!

[NDHS (Following)]: "𝘑𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘺 𝘍𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘯!"

[Biu/BIU]: "𝘔𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘫𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘏𝘈𝘔,"

𝘿𝙞𝙣𝙜!

[Seven/SEVN]: "𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 2 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴,"

𝘿𝙞𝙣𝙜!

[DUO]: "𝘋𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳, 𝘋𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳! 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦?"

[LILY]: "𝘎𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘋𝘰𝘤:"

[Fren/FREN]: "𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙚𝙚?"

The tables are suddenly turned, as NADOHS now sits at the contestant's podium, while everyone else is at the host's. Visions of his life flash by, as he's lectured by previous friends and family (depicted by himself).

❝🇾🇴🇺❜🇱🇱 🇳🇪🇻🇪🇷 🇧🇪 🇲🇦🇳.❝ "𝐿𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓎 𝑒𝓎𝑒𝓈, 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓁𝓎?" "𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟹 𝙶𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝙰𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚒𝚜..." "ᵂʰʸ ᵈᵒᵉˢ ʰᵉ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ ʷᵉⁱʳᵈ ᶜᵃʳᵗᵒᵒⁿˢ?"

Snap back to reality. Next Question.

[Plapew/PLPW]: "𝘋𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳!"

[NDHS (Looking Anxious)]: "𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘯,"

[Raff/RAFF]: "𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵!?"

[NDHS (Regaining stance)]: "𝘏𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘮,"

[ACE]: "𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘎𝘰𝘥!"

[NDHS (Fixes hair)]: "𝘉𝘪𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘎𝘏𝘚... 𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘯-𝘥𝘦-𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯-𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦! 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢 𝘉𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬, 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮-"

[NDHS + LUCY]: "𝘚𝘗𝘌𝘌𝘋 2!"

[NDHS]: "Fighting with my best friend's aunt at..."

[NDHS + Bea]: "A Barbeque!"

[NDHS]: "A frog doing his taxes while he sits on a swing! But that's just what I see..."

[Roscope/RSCP]: "I can see the same thing."

The walls and celling fall away to a nebula-void, the hard carpeted floor changing to that of a circular crystal pool, an Einstein-Rosen Bridge in the center, and everyone dancing in perfect sync like a high-budget music video.

[CHORUS]: "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, you've got a beautiful mind!"

[BLRT]: "I can see my destiny!"

[FLST]: "And a bear learning how to water ski!"

One by one, everyone dives into the Einstein-Rosen Bridge as we zoom in further.

[CHORUS]: "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, you've got a beautiful mind!"

[JMMY]: "I see the [Past/Present/Future] as one..."

[Panzer/PNZR]: "Also a bumblebee holding a gun!"

As the last member, NADOHS himself, jumps into the Bridge, the camera follows after, as everyone's seen enjoying the freefall while the 1st leg of the Luminary Initiation Program is at its halfway point.

[VKRM]: "Fourteen gerbils in a kiddie pool?"

[PNKY]: "Yes! Robot crying softly on a barstool?"

[Li'Tahn/LTHN]: "Yes! Santa's Elves unionize the North Pole?"

[NDHS]: "OOOH YES! Gimli locking lips with a cute troll?"

[Zanesha/ZNSH]: "Yep!"

[NDHS + Prax/PRAX + BIU + JUNR]: "AlawyerandabarberbarterbaublesunderwateranDTHELAWYERANDTHEBARBERDISSAGREEONTHEFEE!"

[NDHS]: "And that's a beautiful tree!"

BZZT! Wrong. Pan to the "tree" in question.

[GLEG]: "I don't see a tree."

[NDHS (D'oh!)]: "Well what do you see??"

The music cuts off. We temporarily return to the study hall. Everyone's getting their brains together on what this "tree" actually is.

*dead silence and murmurs*

[NDHS]: "But the- *points at branch-like shape*"

[PNZR]: "I don't think it looks like-"

[HONK]: "This is NOT a tree. Surely."

[LIN]: "Mkay. But *points at "stem" and "branches"* if you- But if you look- 'cause if you hold it-"

[HONK (Retorting)]: "This ISN'T a tree, no."

[NDHS]: "Everyone understands that but I- eh- *tsk, exhale*"

*even more dead silence before...*

[EDDY (LIGHTBULB MOMENT)]: "Well it kinda looks like- You. And. MEEEEEEEEEE~"

The music returns and the "tree" is instead replaced with the 1st Wave making up the tree-shaped hole, before the image splits down the middle and into that one visual effect from 2001 A Space Odessey. Everyone's answering the remaining questions seemingly with no assistance as visions of what will soon be fly past our view.

[CHORUS]: ----------------------------------------------------

"Ahhhhhhhh, we've got a Beautiful Mind!"

"We can see through space and time!"

"And a bunch of clowns beating up a mime!"

"Ahhhhhhhh, we've got a Beautiful Mind!"

"We see our hearts and minds start to unite,

also a farting guy flying a kite."

(Music's intensity turns down to a piano + violin duet as the song ends.)

"Oh. My. God. We've got a beautiful...

(echoing) "Mind."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Return to the Study Hall, where everyone opens their eyes to see that:

[NDHS]: "Congratulations everyone, Y'ALL PASSED!"

*various cheers and victory dances/poses*

[NDHS (Continuing)]: "Leg 1 of the Luminary Initiation Program."

*various awws and disappointed looks.*

[FREN]: "Leg ONE? Cmon! Surely this test isn't THAT hard, right?"

[NDHS]: "Fren, my sweet summer Bipid... *LEANS UNCOMFORTABLY-FORWARD TOWARDS FACE*"

As he did this, the world around the Bipid Initiate turned into one of those shitty black-and-white printer jobs where 70-90% of the picture is black.

[NDHS (Sincere)]: "ɎØɄ ĐØ ₦Ø₮ ₭₦Ø₩ ₮Ⱨł₴ ⱤɆ₵₭Ø₦ł₦₲ ₩Ɇ ₩łⱠⱠ ฿Ɽł₦₲ Ʉ₱Ø₦ ₮ⱧØ₴Ɇ ฿₳₦₭ɆⱤ₴. ₦Ø₮ ɎɆ₮."

The place immediately turned back to normal as his overextended neck plus head rubber banded back to his body.

[NDHS]: "Now. *clears throat* O' Concierge!"

The AI appears before everyone, finally getting some time in the sun.

[CNRG]: "FINALLY! What have you all been DOING while I was-"

[NDHS (Cutting off)]: "First leg of the test, remember? Now be a good dear and give them a tour of HARDROCK for me, ending in the Mess Halls for a hard-earned meal before escorting them to their... Personal Quarters. Will you?"

A deep sigh can be heard from Concierge, everything's going on too fast, but that's life for you. 

[CNRG]: "Oh alright. But I'm having a word with you once night falls."

The small green cube flies towards the group, greeting everyone with his "343 Guilty Spark" accent.

[CNRG]: "Good day, everyone. As you've overheard from my master, I am Concierge, loyal AI of this facility."

A glowing line appears on the floor, ushering everyone outside the Study Hall and into the rest of the facility.

[CNRG]: "Please follow the guiding line outside. Oh, and welcome to HARDROCK, all capital letters."

[ZARI]: "What's a HARDROCK?"

Chapter Text

We continue where we left off, as we and the 1st Wave hitch a ride on the World's Largest Elevator Custom-Built and Designed for the New American Male. Progressing up a few dozen floors at a slightly unsafe speed before safely slowing to a stop at Ground Level, Limbo.

[CNRG]: Everyone, Ground Zero.

Out the elevator is a giant curved hall connected into a circular loop, with the outer wall lined with bulletproofed windows. beside the doors are sliding doors leading to the outside world, set perfectly adjacent to a helpdesk.

wip (brb)