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Newt fucking loved the last Friday of the month. He always had the best day, no matter what the weather or his stupid brain decided to do to him. Even if it rained, or snowed, or Newt had a stupid seizure and fucked himself up a bit, Family Fridays were awesome.
“Is Tendo coming, this time?” It was early, and their hotel was super fancy. Newt was maybe spread out all over the bed with no clothes on, because why the fuck not.
Hermann was in the bathroom, being all fussy and fixing his hair or whatever. Newt could kind of feel the comb secondhand, which was weird but kind of relaxing. “Later on in the afternoon; his veritable army of children have some sort of activity.”
“Ha! Four's not an army, dude. Aren't you one of four?” Hermann was absolutely one of four, but his older brother was kind of meh, and the little one tended to tattle to Lars at the slightest provocation. They mostly just talked to Karla. Karla was amazing.
Hermann stuck his head out, to give Newt the evil eye. “Four is more than enough, when they are hand reared to be incorrigible by Mr Choi.”
Tendo's little squad of kiddos were hilariously sassy, high octane smart alecs who ran rings around Hermann. Newt thought they were awesome. “We love Tendo and his brats, man.”
“In small doses.” Hermann vanished back into the bathroom before Newt could catch him laughing. “The entire weekend might just kill me.”
“Alison’ll be there; the squirts are always little angles for her.” Well, close enough. Four little boys aged seven to eighteen months were kind of like a shoal of piranhas, even if they were good for their mom.
“I'll believe it when I see it.” He sounded long-suffering, but Newt could absolutely feel the fondness underneath. “At least they tend to keep the shrieking to a minimum.”
Tendo absolutely used his goblins to spy on people, which wouldn't work if they didn't know how to be quiet. Newt found it hardcore hilarious when one of the boys snuck up and got him with a water pistol or whatever. Hermann didn't, but they mostly went for Newt. “They're good kids.”
“I suppose so.” Hermann was apparently done getting ready; he shuffled out of the bathroom wearing jeans and a super, super ugly sweater. Newt sent him a bit of a mental ‘yuck’. “Oh shush, you.”
Ooh, brain shush! So much fun. Newt cackled, and rolled to his feet to take his turn in the bathroom. “Man, that sweater is the worst. Where the fuck did you get it?”
“None of your business.” Hermann gave him a bit of a poke in the ribs on the way past, because Hermann was a meanie. “And don't you dare get any ideas.”
Newt had maybe done unspeakable things to Hermann's last mega ugly sweater. There had been fire involved. “Stop buying them and I'll stop destroying them, dude.”
“Not a chance. Now get a move on, we've got places to be.”
So rude! Newt would have dawdled just to be a little shit, but he didn't actually want to be late. “I'm getting there, keep your pants on. We're still so early.”
“You have never been early in your life, Newton. It really is a shame my influence has done nothing to change that…”
“I can be early!” Not Hermann's idea of early, but Newt could absolutely be on time if he wanted to. “We've got plenty of time. Hell, even if we wanna walk there's time.”
Hermann made a disparaging sound. “I have less than no desire to walk, but I would be amenable to public transport, if you are feeling energetic.”
Newt was feeling super, super energetic because Family Fridays were the best. “Ooh, can we menace people on the bus?”
Humour from the big old wall of Hermann that kept Newt's brain from falling out or whatever. “That entirely depends on the behaviour of those around us, as you well know.”
Newt absolutely loved giving shitheel people the evil eye, when they got too near to Hermann's wheelchair, or looked at them funny. He'd absolutely gone to town on a gross homophobe one time; Hermann had joined in, and it was probably one of the best days of Newt's life.
“Is it bad that I kind of want someone to be a shit so I can teach them how fucking stupid they are with an audience?”
Mental eye roll strikes again. “You’ve always been a smug little bastard, so I can't exactly expect you to change now. Do try to behave yourself in public, though.”
That absolutely meant that Newt had permission to roast someone, so long as they started it. “What about in private?”
“When have you ever behaved in private?”
Wow. Newt would have felt called out, but it was probably true. “Whatever, dude, you love me.”
“Obviously.” Newt could feel the look Hermann was giving him through the wall. “Now hurry up and get in the bloody shower.”
~*~
“Soooo, do you think the littles are going to be cool with my lesson plan?” Newt had behaved himself on the bus, mostly because none of the people on it had been even a little bit interested in them. It meant Hermann was all chill, which was awesome.
“I'm sure they'll be delighted by the chaos you plan to unleash.” Hermann sounded disapproving, but Newt could absolutely tell he was putting it on.
Newt fucking adored his Friday afternoon teaching grade school kids mad science. Inspiring the next generation or whatever; saving the world had it's perks. Not to mention the little crotch gobins thought Newt was super cool. “You’re just jealous that my students are epic. Your math-nerd squad are a bunch of squares.”
Hermann's little collection of up and coming temporal physicists or whatever were, in reality, kind of awesome. Scary, and intense as fuck because Jesus Hermann knew how to pick ‘em, but also insanely smart. Still, Newt preferred his grade schoolers.
“I wouldn't know what to do with your rabble of screaming children, but I suppose you do have a lot in common with them…”
Ooh, Newt could feel that smirk. He maybe slowed down a bit so he could poke Hermann in the back of the head. Hermann, because he was a bit of a bitch, just slammed the breaks on his chair and tripped Newt over.
“Mean!” Newt didn't hit the deck, because Hermann had thought real hard about what he was about to do before he did it, but still! “Abuse!”
“You'll get over it.” Hermann unlocked his wheels and got going again; they were nearly there, and not late, despite what he might think. “Now come along, we have places to be.”
It was, like, barely eight in the morning. Hermann was lucky Newt was even awake. “Oh my god you're such a bitch.”
Hermann knew that, because his bitchiness was legendary. He also proved Newt's point by getting him right in the brain with the shush. Newt would have maybe chased him and fucked up his stupid hair, but they were real close now, which meant…
“Newt!”
They had barely turned onto the street, when a door at the end of the cul-de-sac burst open and a tiny, gold and brown missile shot out.
“Newt Newt Newt!”
Hermann heaved a theatrical sigh, as the tiny child came rocketing down the pavement towards them, still screaming at the top of her lungs.
“How is it that she shares my genetics, and yet she is forever obsessed with you, you insufferable bastard?”
Newt grinned, because his second favourite person ever was charging towards them as fast as her little legs could carry her. He crouched down, ready. “Duh, dude. You are obsessed with me. She clearly inherited your good taste.”
“Newt!”
Even braced for impact, she hit him hard. Newt laughed, delighted, as he splatted onto his ass with a lap full of madly giggling kiddy. She was all dark skin, wild curls and bright yellow overalls. “Kadie~”
“Hi, Newt!” Little teeth, big grin; Kadie wiggled until she stood on Newt's knees and could look at him properly. “Can we do science?”
“Course we can!” Newt carefully got himself up, with the little girl still affixed to him like a monkey. “There are so many things we can put in the microwave.”
“No mad science in the house.” Hermann sounded all stuffy, but Newt could feel him laughing. He was all good feelings and humour in the little hollow he occupied in Newt's brain.
“Boo, Hermann.” Newt stuck his tongue out, a gesture that was immediately mirrored by his mini-me. “You're no fun.”
“Yeah, Uncle H.” Kadie screwed her face up into a fake sort of scowl, which lasted all of a second before she burst out laughing again.
Newt jiggled her a bit, because kids were fun and super rewarding to entertain. Especially tiny evil genius kids like Kadie. “See? Kiddo agrees with me.”
Hermann shook his head, all fake disappointment. “Really, I don't know why I put up with you.”
“‘cuz you love me.” Newt stuck his tongue out again, and dangled Kadie upside down a bit to make her squeal. “You're also stuck with me; no backsies.”
“The literal child is less infantile than you.” Hermann rolled his eyes like a fucking boss, but Newt could feel the warm fuzzies; the grumpy huffing was totally just for show.
Kadie grinned at Hermann, still mostly on her head. “You're so funny.”
“I'm glad you find me entertaining. Newton, please turn the child the right way around before she vomits.” Hermann didn't even hide it; he laughed at them. Success!
“She won't puke. She's way too awesome for that.” Newt obediently swung her back around, though, and plonked her down in front of Hermann's chair. “See?”
Another too big grin from the kiddo. “See! No puke, Uncle H. Can I come up?”
Hermann made a show of inspecting her for grime, before nodding. “You may.”
“Yes!” Kadie was super, super careful as she climbed up to sit on Hermann's lap. Newt maybe fell a little bit more in love with the tiny human, if such a thing was possible.
Hermann made sure she was positioned well, with his arms wrapped snug around her waist. “And how are you, my dear?”
That was Newt's cue to get pushing, because no way was Hermann going to surrender the kiddo to do it himself. Newt was cool with it, because watching Hermann commune with a tiny human was awesome.
“My tooth is trying to come out! I want to wiggle it, but Mama says it's gross.” Kadie craned her head back, so she could show them the tooth in question. “This one!”
“That's so cool!” Newt would absolutely have to sneak her into the uni when it fell out, so they could look at it under a proper microscope.
Added bonus; he could absolutely feel how curious Hermann was. Newt fucking loved that his brain was catching, and Hermann got all tempted to poke gross shit now.
Hermann sighed, because he could absolutely tell what Newt was thinking. “ If your tooth falls out before we leave, I suppose we could make a trip to the university to examine it.”
“Ooooh, yes!” Kadie gave her tooth a poke. “It'll come out.”
“ Not while you're sitting on my lap, you little monster.” Hermann whipped out a handkerchief and fussily wiped imaginary drool from her hands.
“Will blood come out when the tooth does?” She sounded so not bothered, which kind of made Newt's day. “Can we take a picture?”
“Absolutely!” Newt jiggled Hermann's chair a bit, so he couldn't say no. “Maybe a whole load of photos, so we can map the new one growing in.”
“You're a terrible influence, just so you know.” Ooh, Karla! Newt had been way too distracted by the mini-me to notice her arrival.
Newt stuck his tongue out at her, too. “Um, duh? Course I am.”
“He has been for as long as I've known him.” Hermann freed up a hand for Karla to hold. “And we all know I despise change, so…”
“Yep! You're stuck with me.” Granted, they were stuck with each other, but who the fuck cared? Hermann had been it for Newt for, like, ever.
“I don't know how you cope, baby brother.” Karla looked so fucking sly, Newt found it hilarious.
“You're so silly.” Kadie hopped down, when they reached her front yard, and scooted round to hold onto Newt's leg. “They're silly.”
“We like them that way.” Newt sent Hermann a bit of a thought nudge, so he'd know to start pushing himself. “Silly is way better than boring.”
“Mm, yup!” Kadie noticed Newt was no longer on wheelchair pushing duty pretty fast, and danced in front of him with her arms up. Newt grinned, and scooped her back up. “Now science!”
“Newt's only just got here, you little monster.” Karla reached over and scruffed her daughter's mad curls. “Don't be demanding.”
Kadie pouted like a boss. Newt fucking adored her. “Ugh, fine. Can we do science now please, Newt?”
“I love science. Especially science with my awesome tiny lab partner.” Newt dangled her a bit for effect. “I bet Mama and Uncle H want to do boring things, like drink tea. Hard pass on that.”
“You're incorrigible.” Hermann wheeled himself inside, then caught hold of Karla again to get himself stood up. “Newton, the literal child has better manners than you.”
So mean! Newt put the aforementioned child down, so he could extract Hermann's cane and fold up the chair. “Eh, we’re just too cool for you, man.”
“I'm sure I'll survive that particular hardship.” Hermann made a show of menacing Newt with his cane. “Now go and entertain yourself while I have an adult conversation with my sister.”
Newt ducked out of the way before he could get poked, and took the giggling kiddo with him. “He's just mad that I'm the funcle, and he's a big old boring grump.”
“However will I manage?” Mental eye roll from Hermann, because Hermann was a little bitch. “Now clear off and play in the shed.”
“Hey, our super cool secret lab isn't a shed, Herms!” It was absolutely a shed, but Newt had made it into an awesome science lair so he could convert his mini-me to the dark side. “See if we invite you in.”
“We can make a ‘seption if you're good, Uncle H.” Kadie fixed Hermann with a miniature frown. She looked so much like him for a second that it made Newt all mushy. “No math in our lab.”
“I'm sure I could refrain, for your sake.” Hermann was the sort of awesome person that didn't care even a little bit that the kid he'd helped make thought his area of expertise was super gross.
Kadie nodded gravely. “You're allowed in, then. You can watch us put things in the science microwave.”
Newt loved putting things in the microwave for science. Hermann had a whole embargo thing in place, which meant Newt wasn't allowed to do it in their apartment. Newt had maybe, just possibly started a tiny fire one time, and Hermann was such a drama queen. At least he could still do cool experiments in other places.
“I call dibs on your uncle first, you little monster.” Karla put a proprietary arm around Hermann, like she thought he was going to escape or something. “Go play with Newt, and don't get filthy, either of you. You both have school at one.”
Newt pulled a face at her. “Sure thing, mom, we'll keep the explosions to a minimum. Don't want to be late for school.”
“You better had.” Karla could absolutely pull the same scary face Hermann liked to use on Newt sometimes. “Kadie, make sure that Newt behaves himself, okay?”
“Um, ouch. I'm hurt.” Newt so wasn't. Today was going to be awesome.
“No, you're not.” Hermann also made The Face. “Now run along, and don't get into any trouble while I'm not there to supervise.”
Newt laughed at The Face, and scooped up his tiny lab partner. “Don't worry, dude, we'll save the really fun stuff for when you're watching.”