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Ajay takes a long drag of the blunt she’s holding, the smoke fills her lungs and sets her throat ablaze with a gross gas-like taste that makes her nearly choke. Though, she keeps the smoke in, holding it even if her body begs her to stop and if her mind spirals with emotions that are begging to be drowned out by the effects of the chemicals. When she releases the smoke, thick fog clouds her vision and makes her feel blind for a moment; Sitting in this clinic on her home planet, looking around the room and seeing posters of her achievements, seeing instruments and lights and plants and everything. It makes her sick when she stares at these pictures that once gave her a sense of pride, and now she can’t feel a thing.
She knows what she did to Sil- Octane was unforgivable. He’ll never lay an eye on her again, probably won’t even bother talking to her outside the ring, and he has every right to. Yet as she looks at the clock and takes another hit, she can’t help but miss him all over again. Around this time a few years ago, he’d be taking shots with her in his bedroom, celebrating him moving out. Around this time even longer ago, he was holding her tightly and telling her “It’s okay” after she was taken advantage of for the 2nd time. It made her chest ache, trying to forget everything he’s done for her. Trying to forget that he helped her, he hurt her, and now he’s out of her life for good.
Ajay can see the effects finally kick in, slowly but surely her eyes close as her throat clears the smoke from her body. She’s calmer now, and as she lays down on the red, velvet couches that line her room under the clinic; She feels a low hum from beside her, and some nuzzling against her arm. “Heya, girl...” The medic rasps, D.O.C giving a few happy beeps in reply. Ajay giggles and pets the drones head.
D.O.C floats up and on top of Ajay, snuggling into the red-haired girl. If Ajay didn’t know any better, she’d say D.O.C was the same as any old pet, cuddly and friendly and there when you need her. She pets D.O.C’s shell and wraps her arms around the drone, even though the metal feels cold it’s… inviting, to say the least. She’s kinda glad tonight’s quiet, she was going to smoke the rest of her blunt and chill and listen to music… Who is she kidding? She doesn’t get that, why should she? The door to the room swings open, and a tall figure ducks down and enters. Ajay can’t help but groan and squeeze her eyes shut, watching the person enter.
“ Sure hope my princess isn’t sulkin’ about.” Maggie speaks, shutting the door and inhaling sharply. “...Are you… Smoking?” Ajay rolls her eyes, a small smirk playing on her lips as she sits up, “ Yeah, mom … Yuh wan’ a hit or nah?” She extends her hand, and Maggie takes the smoke with no hesitation. She plops next to Ajay, her pupils dilate as she studies the medic up and down. She tries not to show concern but it’s eating at her, the bags under her eyes and her cracked lips… She looks exhausted. Margaret’s arm wraps around Ajay, pulling her down into a “hug”, but she's borderline strangling the poor girl.
“ Listen ,” Kōhere chirps, “ If ya still feelin’ guilty about the Silva thing or Rev thing or- Whatever, ya shouldn’t. It ain’ ya fault, you didn’t know that was gonna happen .” Her voice is scratchy, she takes another puff and passes it to Che. “ I- I know dat but… The tracker- His dad… ” Maggie throws her hands up, shaking her head. “ Yeah, the tracker was shitty, not worse than what ‘ve done but it’s definitely up there ,” She watches Ajay hold smoke in her mouth and sighs, “- But you were trying to do the right thing… Ya did it for a good reason.”
Ajay lets Maggie’s words hang, the smoke spilling from her lungs as she exhales. She speaks up, her voice meek, “ No matter the reason… He trusted me, I betrayed him .” Her eyes grow thick with tears, but she refuses to cry, especially in front of Maggie. “ Betrayal? Ain’t he the one that sold the Outlands to his pops in the first place? Ain’t he the reason ya mama turned the corps into a Syndicate money-fund?”
“That wasn’ his fault, Duardo was-”
“ Duardo had him wrapped around his finger, yeah, but he still put us all in danger. If turning his back on you after everythin’ you’ve gave him isn’t betrayal? I dunno what it is.”
The two stay silent for a beat, Ajay processes the words Maggie was saying. She’s not sober enough for this conversation, though she knows she probably wouldn’t have it sober anyway. She grits her teeth, scooting away from Maggs. “ We… We’re both terrible fuh each other, I get it but, how am I not supposed to feel bad for him?” Maggie wipes her face, taking the blunt back. “Cuz from the sounds of it, he’s never felt bad for you . ”
Ajay can’t believe this… Maggie giving advice, who would’ve thought? Che eyes up the woman and blinks, then looks back down at the carpet, “He never put in as much as I did… but he didn’t deserve that… No one does… ” Maggie grips the back of Ajay’s neck and glares down at her. “ No one said he did, but ya can’t blame yaself for saving the whole bloody Outlands… You needed to make a call, and you tried to make the right one.”
More silence, Ajay holds her breath and digs her face into her hands. She squeezes her eyes shut, “ I know but… I ain’ gon’ stop feelin’ guilty ‘til I apologize. He ain’ gon’ let me do that, so what do I do. .?” Maggie shrugs and glances back at her, “ I dunno, but ya can’t keep bitchin’ about it, ‘nd ya can’t keep beatin’ yourself up when things don’t work out .”
The warlord’s hands fall, she clenches her jaw and stares off, “ Mind if I grab a drink? ” She asks, already getting up and heading for the fridge. D.O.C follows her, nuzzling at her leg and whirring at her. Maggs chuckles and grabs a beer from the fridge, petting the health-thing. She sits back down and puts the girl's legs in her lap, patting them as a gesture of comfort. As she sips on the beer and closes her eyes, her head falls limp as she listens to the steady music playing throughout the room. A moment passes before Ajay speaks again, “ Sometimes it feels like, ‘m not any different from them …” Her voice quivers ever so slightly, it takes a few seconds before the rebel can understand what she means. “ If I manipulate, ‘nd betray, ‘nd hurt others… What’s stoppin’ me from bein’ jus’ like my ma ‘n da? ” Those words hang as Maggie takes another swig, her teeth gritting together.
“ There’s a difference between you ‘n them, they play fast ‘n lose with people ‘cause it gets them money and fame and whatnot… Ya did it, ‘cuz ya needed to. ‘Cuz the whole bloody Outlands was at stake. ” Maggie shrugs her shoulders, and pats the girl's knee again, “ You do what you have to, to save people. They do what they want to, ‘cuz it gives them power .” Ajay’s throat tightens, even though she has a point… The medic won’t stop feeling this, until she apologizes. She won’t stop feeling sorry for him, until she knows he’s not hurt anymore.
But that won’t happen, because she crossed a line. She hurt him worse than she could imagine, and there's nothing she can do to fix that.
“ He needs space right now… He told me, it’s jus’ hard givin’ it to him when I know he’s hurtin’. I never left him to hurt like dat. ” Ajay whispers, and Maggie scoffs. “ Quit ya worryin ’, if I knew you’d be this depressing I would've just went to Paradise and bugged Witt for a pint or two .” Ajay rolls her eyes and sits up, her head tilting. “ Good idea, ” she starts, getting off the couch; “ Let’s go get some drinks, it’ll make me feel better. ”
Ajay starts to put her hoodie and shoes on, tying up her hair as Maggie finishes the beer and tosses the empty bottle aside. Che can’t dwell on the past forever, might as well keep moving while she can. She can start by getting drinks with a friend.