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He looks at himself in the mirror.
The warm water drips from the ends of his hair, and he pushes the fringe back while locking eyes with his reflection.
He straightens his back, stretches a little (his neck, each arm, and his back), then taking a good deep breath.
"What is wrong with you."
He asks the person in the mirror, under his breath.
"Why can't you just-" he scoffs and sighs, trying to cut off the stream of intense feelings as soon as he sees them coming.
A knock on the bathroom door catches his attention.
"Red? Are you okay? That was a loud sigh..." Bubbles' voice seems worried, and he frowns a little.
"I'm fine," he lies. "I'm just a little frustrated"
"Frustrated over what?" Bubbles opens the door, but doesn't come in, waiting until Red closes or opens it further to allow him inside.
Red allows him in. As he's always done.
"This." He points at the mirror, and Bubbles gives it a puzzled look.
"Does... The mirror frame bother you?" He attempts the sillier guess first. If it's wrong, at least Red thinks it's funny.
"No. The guy in the mirror." Red reaches out and touches hands with his reflection. "He still doesn't feel like me."
"Oh, Red," Bubbles gets it. He really does. Being made in someone else's image, with the same memories, but no way to live as them, he feels the same. He brings the taller man into a hug, giving him gentle back rubs.
"I don't know what to do to make it better." He confesses. "The longer I look, the worse it feels. I can never figure it out."
"Maybe you could start small." Bubbles sits on the bathroom counter and brings Red's hands to each side of his body. "Maybe with the way you style your hair..." He combs Red's hair with his fingers gently, trying not to pay attention to how his partner looks at him.
"What do you suggest?" Red is unsure where he is. Part of him is listening to Bubbles, but part of him has drifted off into space, only caring about the way Bubbles' mouth moves as he speaks and how good his hair feels under his ministrations.
Bubbles makes him feel like him .
But he knows that's perhaps not the healthiest course he should be taking. And he doesn't wanna be dependent on Bubbles. That would probably make the poor guy too tired, more than he already is, having to mind him constantly besides his own struggles.
"Red?" He's snapped back into reality.
"Hm?"
"Did you listen to anything I said?" He obtains no answer, Red is still only staring at him. "I'll take that as a no."
"You look really attractive right now" He blurts out before managing to stop himself, and Bubbles blushes.
"You're... Very honest. I like that about you." Bubbles looks away, but Red takes his chin between his fingers and pulls him back into their little world.
"I wanna kiss you." He breathes out.
"... Fair. I have no intention of stopping you." As soon as he says it, Red is invading his space, pressing his lips against Bubbles' and moving his hands onto his thighs and up to his waist.
Their breaths collide, and their lips move in tune, tongues sliding together and making space for occasional bites and sighs.
Bubbles' hands drift down, mirroring Red's actions in opposite, landing on his lower back and pulling him closer, clawing lightly at his skin and earning a sof hiss from the man.
Red's mouth slides down slowly, and he pulls Bubbles into a tight hug that gets reciprocated immediately, the back rubs coming back as soon as their arms wrap around each other.
"Are you okay?" Bubbles asks, in a low voice.
"I like doing that with you."
"I-" he stutters. "Again, I appreciate how honest you are." He recalls the imported memories from his alternate version. Red doesn't dance around his words. They don't bicker, and they don't avoid subjects. Despite having the same memories, and thus, pretty much the same motivation to do the same thing, they refuse to.
Red fears the destruction he's capable of, and he can see clearly how it could affect Bubbles. He refuses to make the same mistakes. He refuses to place hidden meanings between sentences, when he and Bubbles can just do things.
-
They tried to bicker once.
He felt the need to, honestly. Keep some semblance of the normalcy he remembered.
But when trying to look back into his memory for how he should do it, he remembered.
He remembered the occasional hurt he could spot in Kaveh's eyes. He remembered the day of their fallout. He remembered, he remembered, he remembered.
Al Haitham had always been aware of this. But he? He felt like he was the hurt in Kaveh's eyes itself. He felt like he was the dagger stabbed into Kaveh's heart that damned day.
He didn't want that for Bubbles.
He didn't want that for the one person who was caring for him now.
And most of all, he didn't want that for him.
He was capable of hate. He was capable of destruction. He was capable of terrible choices and hurtful words.
And being capable of hate, he hated that he was capable of it all.
He hated that he could do so many things without hesitation.
He hated that he wasn't scared of himself.
Instead of bickering, he walked up to Bubbles. He hugged him, pressed his nose into his neck and hair, and his ear against his shoulder.
"I like doing that with you, but I don't wanna go any further. Not yet." From where his face was partially hidden, he looked up at Bubbles' purplish blue eyes.
"Still afraid of hurting me?" Bubbles looked back into his eyes and brushed his fringe back again.
"I wouldn't say I'm afraid."
"I know"
"But I'm making the conscious choice to not hurt you."
"I know"
"So?" He parted away.
"So?" Bubbles held his hands. "I'm fine with waiting. Do you want me to promise to only fuck you once you're completely stable?"
"... No. I feel like being completely stable is gonna take way too long. I want you before that." Ah, there was the honesty again. Bubbles flushed. "I wanna take steady steps with you. With you only . And I want you to be mine back."
Bubbles laughed. "That's so silly… Who else could I even belong to, Red?" his partner cups his face with his hands and pressed a fast kiss to his lips before getting up from where he was sitting on the counter. "Let's go. I promised some Eidolons at the theater to play some hide and seek."
Bubbles goes out of the bathroom, and Red spares his reflection a glance before going after him. And there he was, looking back. Hair brushed back by someone's fingers, lips kiss swollen and bitten, and face nearly imperceptibly flushed. That's him. It's him when someone else is involved.