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It was another day at the detective agency, except today was dedicated to spring cleaning deemed mandatory by Kunikida. Atsushi, who kept his desk clean year-round (due to both cleanliness and a lack of material possessions), was helping Dazai empty his rotten food-filled desk before Lucy popped her head in through the door.
“Hey, Atsushi- yikes…” Lucy eyed Dazai’s pile of junk and mold suspiciously.
“Anyway Atsushi, there's some people downstairs who have business with you apparently, it seemed kinda personal.” Lucy had a questioning look on her face but didn’t seem too alarmed, the agency got a lot of visitors. However, the other members of the ADA were unmistakably curious, and it took several minutes of laughter and kind-hearted teasing for him to finally get downstairs. There was also a new bet as Naomi and Dazai were convinced that Atsushi’s visitor had to be a woman interested in him, the other side of the bet was driven by Yosano, who was convinced that Atsushi had a male suitor waiting for him downstairs. Ranpo, interestingly enough, had nothing to contribute. Instead, he just said that Kunikida had to be the one to greet Atsushi when he got back after he had already left.
When Atsushi got downstairs, he found that there was not any form of potential love interest. Instead, there was a rag-tag bunch of ex-juveniles. Ex-juveniles that Atsushi found all too familiar. There were two girls and one boy. One girl had light pink hair and brown eyes, she wore jean overalls and a red shirt. The other girl had dark hair in pigtails and dark eyes as well. She wore a comfortable dress and a light jacket over it. The boy had black hair and very sleepy-looking eyes, he wore black pants and an old-looking sweater.
When Atsushi approached them, all three got on their knees in unison. An apology would have surely been the first thing to come out of their mouths. But it didn’t, because Atsushi walked right past them and sat down at one of the booths. Three heads raised to look at Atsushi, questions on the tip of their tongues.
“Sit.” It was an easy enough command, but all three of them were a bit dumbfounded as they stumbled to the seats across from Atsushi.
Atsushi collected two out of the six menus and placed them at the edge of the table, then he opened his own menu. With nothing better to do, the other three picked up their own menus as well.
“You were here to apologize, weren’t you?” Atsushi said calmly, it was less of a question and more of a statement.
After no one responded, he continued, “I don’t forgive you”
“It wouldn’t be fair to me to say that I did.”
Lucy came around, asking about what they wanted to drink. None of the three juveniles responded, but Atsushi did immediately.
“Green tea all around, bring a lot of sugar too please.” Atsushi was unnervingly calm, his lack of a reaction could be considered a reaction in itself.
It’s quiet for a long time, Atsushi closes his menu, and eventually, Lucy comes with the tea.
The boy —Hiroshima— is the first to escape from speechlessness.
“You said that you didn’t forgive us, but you don’t seem angry?” He questioned, brows furrowed.
“That’s correct, I’m not angry,” Atsushi replied, tearing a sugar packet and dumping it into his cup.
“Why not.” The girl with pink hair —Raicho— asked, except it was less of a question and more of a statement. She had always been a bit blunt.
“I said that I didn’t forgive you, not that I was angry at you.”
“That’s not what I asked, I asked why not.” Raicho’s shame and anger uncomfortably clashed against each other. She was angry that Atsushi was so calm, that it didn’t hurt him to see her and remember all that she did to him. But at the same time, she was ashamed of herself for what she did and how she felt about it.
Atsushi doesn’t respond immediately, he just takes a sip of steaming hot tea. He seems to regret it immediately because as he places his cup back down he also sticks the tip of his tongue out.
Hot
“What are you going to order?” Atsushi chose to say instead, ignoring the question.
“Order?” The second girl —Haruka— questioned.
“Yes, what are you all going to order?” Atsushi repeated, as though this was a normal question during a normal conversation with normal people who have a normal relationship and not him attempting to have a civil conversation with his childhood bullies.
“We were supposed to be looking at things to order?” Hiroshima asked, he had ditched the condescending attitude of a couple of years ago and promptly became a doofus with no dignity or serious apprehensions.
“Why else would I have left menus for you?” Unlike Hiroshima, Atsushi had always been a doofus with no dignity nor serious apprehensions.
“Ah well, I don’t think we have the means to order anything at the moment,” Haruka answered.
“I’m paying, what do you want to order?” Atsushi responded, as though this was a perfectly acceptable solution.
“Like hell you are! There’s no way I’m letting you– Hold on a minute you never answered my question! Why aren’t you angry at us?!” Raicho’s temper got the better of her almost immediately and she was too worked up to notice how she was disturbing the other customers at Uzamaki’s. (Of course, most regulars of Uzamaki’s were already used to the Armed Detective Agency’s antics and paid the group no mind)
Atsushi took another sip of tea, although this time it was a fine temperature. It was another couple moments until he finally answered the question, “I just, don’t care to?”
“You don’t care to?” Hiroshima and Haruka squawked in unison. Raicho however, was completely silent with the sudden realization that she was being side-eyed by an older woman.
“I mean, yeah, I’m upset and kinda caught off guard, but I have better things to do than yell at you for something you clearly already feel remorse for.” Atsushi begun.
“Plus I have a sneaking suspicion that you’ve already paid a hefty price for your actions,” Atsushi added, a nervous smile on his face.
“Let me guess, after I left you all realized that you weren’t very well-liked or popular yourselves huh? You had spent years tormenting me and then suddenly you were me.” Atsushi’s statement didn’t hold malice or anything of the like. In fact, he seemed sympathetic.
“You always were perceptive, despite how stupid and clumsy you seemed. I hated that about you, you always seemed to know something I didn’t, you had this magical ability to understand everything going on at the orphanage, better than anyone else did. I didn’t understand. I wish I had asked you about what you knew instead of hitting you for knowing it.” Raicho suddenly broke her silence, voice low and head held down.
The table was silent for a moment before Atsushi spoke up. “It’s ok, I don’t hold it against you anymore. I haven’t been angry about my childhood in a long time. And when I am angry about it, I’m angry at the assholes running that place.”
“Also to explain the clumsy part it turns out I had really bad eyesight and the reason my eyes suddenly changed color is because I began using my ability, which ended up having its own set of issues since apparently tigers are colorblind.” Atsushi continued on, unable to resist the urge to ramble.
“Your… ability?” Haruka questioned, obviously puzzled.
“Yeah,” Atsushi began rapidly nodding, overly excited about the subject. He had grown fond of his ability as time passed. It had almost been a year since he learned of it and in that time he had become quite close with the tiger, so much so that he could even call it a friend.
“Y’know how everyone thought I was getting favoritism from the headmaster because he’d call me out of our daily chores and I’d disappear for almost a week at a time? Well, that was because of my ability “Beast Beneath the Moonlight” which would occasionally activate and go on a rampage around the orphanage. That was the beast that kept destroying our crops. My ability works in tandem with the moon cycles and on its strongest days the headmaster would keep me locked up in the cellar.” Atsushi seemed happy as he explained the abuse he had suffered at the hands of others, and in a way he was, happy to finally prove himself. Happy to have an explanation to give.
“Hah?” Atsushi’s explanation seemed to fly so far over Hiroshima’s head that the only viable response he had was a noise of confusion. Although Raicho and Haruka seemed to have no trouble understanding.
“How does your ability work Atsush-kun?” Haruka asked the ambiance of Café Uzamaki’s was so inviting that she couldn’t help but feel relaxed. Uzamaki’s was safe in a way none of them had ever experienced before with anyone other than themselves.
“I can turn parts of my body or my entire body into that of a tigers. I used to have a lot of trouble controlling it but I’ve gotten better with time.” Atsushi popped out a pair of tiger ears as a form of proof and soon a tail revealed itself as well.
“Can I touch them?” Raicho asked, gesturing to the tiger's ears.
Atsushi paused for a moment, surprised by the request, before pointedly responding “No. I don’t think I’m comfortable with that.”
Raicho looked disappointed for a moment but ultimately did not bring the subject up again. She understood more than anyone that Atsushi did not owe her anything and that she was lucky he was entertaining them in the first place.
The group had a long talk, about their lives, about their feelings, about the place they were raised and the place they were living. The three of them shared an apartment and put their savings together and Atsushi had recently moved into a bigger apartment with him and Kyoka.
Soon enough the late breakfast turned into early lunch and eventually Haruka admitted that she had work in a few hours and couldn’t stay any longer.
She and all the others got up to go and Atsushi quickly handed one of them a napkin with his number on it and a little message.
You all hurt me a lot when I was younger, both mentally and physically. But I meant it when I said I wasn’t angry anymore. My childhood raised me into the person I am today and for that, I have you and many others to both blame and thank.
Don’t ever come here again without warning, but feel free to text or call and we could schedule something.
I hope the three of you have a good life because holding on to hatred and anger will do me no favors.
Goodbye for now —Atsushi Nakajima
And then, Atsushi was back inside the agency office, most members resisted the urge to tackle Atsushi and pester him about his “visitor”, even Yosano had hung around waiting for him to come back instead of heading back to the infirmary. But instead, true to Ranpo’s request, Kunikida came to greet him and potentially lecture him about “abandoning work for personal matters''.
But the lecture never came because Atsushi immediately fell into Kunikida’s arms, resisting the urge to burst into tears.
It took a long time and a lot of comforting but eventually, they ended up together on the agency couch. Kunikida asked him who visited and didn’t get an answer. It’s been two years since Atsushi joined the agency and Kunikida still knows little to nothing about the life he used to “lead”, but at some point, he had already come to terms with the possibility of never understanding Atsushi.
The rest of the day went on, and time marched forward as it did. But somehow, for Atsushi, it felt like an old wound had finally gotten some medical treatment. The pain of the past hasn’t healed, but at least he has a little relief. Somehow a situation that left him horrified in a state of shock ended up not being too bad. Atsushi was learning, he was growing, and he could finally handle himself (even if only for a few hours) progress was slow but time didn’t stop.