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It had started the first day of training after the summer break, when he'd first run into their newest recruit.
He was tall, almost as tall as him. His dark hair was cropped to his ears, blown into a mussed style by the wind—or a very good blow-dryer, Klopp thought to himself with a slight blush. And when Klopp made a joke about how he had two left feet and could barely hold his own at a disco party, the new recruit had released a tiny yet bright smile that made Klopp float on air for the rest of training. And at the end of the day, David Wagner wouldn't let him forget about it for a single second.
“You are so head over heels for him!” Wagner shouted once he and Klopp were alone in the woods. “You should ask him out or something.”
“Are you kidding me?! There are a million things that could go wrong with that, David.” Klopp clung to a pine tree and groaned in dismay. "First of all, he's new to the team. It'd be weird if he suddenly figured out one of his teammates had a crush on him. Second of all, I'm six years younger than him. And third of all, what if he thinks I'm a freak because I like both women and men?”
"Six years isn't that much of a difference. And you don't need to propose to him right now, you can just get him some candy or something." Wagner laid a hand on his friend's shoulder, pulling him away from the tree. "And to your third point…look, I know most people aren't all that accepting about two guys falling in love and having a relationship. But you don't need to tell anybody else but those you trust. Honestly, if Zeljko thinks you're abnormal because you like guys, he doesn't deserve you.”
"Zeljko?" Klopp picked a daisy, stroking the soft, pink and white petals.
"Yes, his name's Zeljko Buvac, didn't you catch that? Der Trainer said it at the beginning of the session...oh forget it." Wagner rolled his eyes as he watched his lovesick friend pick wildflowers as if they were nuggets of gold. "You were too busy staring at your man.”
Zeljko Buvac. Klopp sighed happily as he tied the bundle together with the rainbow ribbon he carried around in his pocket. Maybe, just maybe, Buvac felt the same way he did.
*
Klopp picked flowers for Buvac every day. Sometimes they were daisies and heather, like the first flowers he picked. Other times they were tulips, or sprigs of wild holly. Once, he even found a yellow water lily that struck him so much that he wanted to share it with the man who'd stolen his heart.
He would leave them all at Buvac's door, tied into a bouquet with rainbow ribbon. And every day, Klopp would turn up with another bouquet only to find the previous one gone. But when the team gathered for training the next day, Buvac would never mention a single thing to Klopp. Until one day at the beginning of sprinting, nine days after the first bouquet, Buvac said the words.
"Meet me at my place on Saturday afternoon. You will be there, right Jurgen?”
“O-of course. I'll be so present, the present itself will have competition...wait, that doesn't make sense. Oh my goodness, I will be there.” Klopp nearly fainted in delight, until he remembered he had to be at least a tiny bit subtle around the rest of the team. “I mean…yes. I will be there.”
Klopp tried to be "subtle" around the others for the rest of the session, but he still took every opportunity to accidentally bump into Buvac. On the third time, Buvac gave him a weird look that made him regret all his life decisions. Of course, that didn't mean being subtle around his sisters, Stefanie and Isolde, when they came to visit.
"And then he said my name!" he recounted for the fifth time in a row. "It never sounded so wonderful. And he looked at me—”
Isolde rolled her eyes for what had to have been the ninth time. "I swear to God, if you don't shut up I will stuff a strudel into your mouth for you.”
"Come on Isi, lighten up!" Stefanie whistled softly, ruffling her brother's hair before he could bolt again. "You really like this guy, huh? And you won't even tell us his name.”
“That's the thing, Steffi. He's so perfect, he doesn't need any name except 'angel'!”
“Well, I sure hope he's as angelic as you say he is." Stefanie laughed, bending down to stroke a wild carrot's feathery green leaves. "You've quite literally given him every flower that grows in Mainz's soil.”
"All except for an iris." Jurgen chuckled, straightening— how ironic —the edge of his woolen sleeveless pullover. "Irises are Mum's flower, and she passed it down to all of us. She even knitted yellow irises into the vests she made for us. Giving it to Zel would be the equivalent of an invitation to the family, and I don't even know if he likes guys!”
"It's fifty-fifty, Yuri. Guys who like other guys aren't as uncommon as you think. They're probably just keeping it hidden like you." Isolde shrugged, kicking a pair of pinecones away from the path. They stopped by a squirrel, who promptly began to nibble at them. "And who knows? Maybe irises are special to your friend, too."
*
On Sunday afternoon, Klopp brushed back his hair until it was the closest thing to neat that he could get. Which wasn't too different from his usual tornado-broke-out-on-his-head look, but it was something. Opting for his iris pullover even though it was sweltering outside, he finished getting dressed and made the short walk to Buvac's house, only stopping at the park to gather a bouquet of clover and St. John's wort. He rang the bell, mentally rehearsing what he wanted to say.
After what seemed like forever, Buvac opened the door. He wore bell bottom khakis and a sleeveless pullover that was almost like Klopp's, except that it was in a red and white argyle print.
"Nice," Buvac almost whispered, nodding towards Klopp's own butter yellow vest with blue irises stranded around the yoke. "Irises, why didn't I notice? It's the only flower you've not given me, yet you literally wear it over your heart. Is it a family symbol?”
Klopp's jaw dropped. "How did you…”
Buvac seemed like he was about to laugh before he quickly shook his head, waving Klopp inside the house. "I think you should come see this.”
Klopp remained silent as Buvac led him through the narrow front corridor, into a living room that seemed to have less furniture the more he looked at it. The only constant was the bookcases lined up across the wall, as well as the giant window that opened up into the back.
"What do you think?" Buvac ran his hand across the glass table in the middle, blowing off the dust. "It's minimalism. It's a bit trendy, but all the books make it collect dust. The tables are round to bring in qi , I think that's Chinese, but I don't know. I was thinking of adding a Japanese silk screen painting along the whole south wall, but would it cause too much clutter?”
"It's...nice." Great, now he wanted to jump into an active volcano and let the fire consume him. How could he have sounded so lame ?!
"Yeah, I think that would be too much." Buvac reached for a braided cord and pulled a curtain in the corner. "Anyway, this is what I want to show you.”
Klopp, who was still kicking himself for his brief response, took one look at what was behind the curtain and had to prevent himself from flying away. There, neatly arranged in a white porcelain vase, was every single one of the flowers he'd picked for Buvac. Even the water lily had its place, floating in a matching dish of still water. And, best of all, the pieces of rainbow ribbon were knotted together and tied around the vase in a large bow.
"I can't believe it..." Klopp swallowed the lump in his throat as he ripped his gaze off the flowers in the vase. “You kept them all.”
Buvac shrugged, although pleasure was clear in his voice. "Well, what else was I supposed to do with all those daisies? Throw them away? They were clearly a gift, so I kept them. Yeah, they clashed with the decor, but on the plus side you did give me a use for this pretty curtain I found a few years back.”
He glanced at Klopp, concern smoothing out the amused wrinkles from the corners of his eyes. "Are you okay? You're usually the talker among us. And the hugger, and the motivator.”
"I'm...fine." Klopp wiped at the corner of his eyes, turning back to Buvac. "I've got to confess something. Two things, in fact. But you have to promise not to tell anyone, not a single soul. God, I could be arrested for this.”
"You'd better not have vandalized a car or something." But Klopp noticed the way Buvac's hands tensed as he gripped the table. "We're alone, go ahead.”
"The first thing is that…” He inhaled deeply and blurted out the rest in one breath. "I'm not normal, Zeljko, I like women but I also...like other men. It's against the laws, I know, but—”
"The laws suck."
"What?" Despite himself, Klopp couldn't help but laugh. The thought of Buvac swearing, when he was reserved and dignitary-like at training, was too unbelievably funny.
"The laws suck, AKA they can go to heck. Those laws only serve to make you hate yourself for who you are and who you love." A somber smile crossed Buvac's expression as his gaze shifted to a picture on the mantelpiece. “My peers always called me things for being smart and a little quiet.”
“And there's nothing wrong with that! I mean, I love to talk, but sometimes I like quiet, too." Klopp chuckled, then exhaled in relief. "You don't hate me. Whew, that's a relief. I mean, I look forward to seeing you every day, and you’re smart and observant and kind and…well, you look great, too.”
“A-ha, so you do have a crush on me!”
“How the fork did you know?!”
“Like you said, I’m smart and observant. That's why I called you here." Buvac's expression grew serious, but it was a different kind of serious than the one that surrounded him at the training ground. "Look Jurgen, I'm afraid that I don't—what's the word?”
And just like that, Klopp's hopes hit the bottom of a canyon. "Reciprocate."
"Right, reciprocate. I'm really sorry," Buvac apologized, taking Klopp's hand. "But tell you what? I still like you. You're kind, and humble, and you make people feel good about themselves. So how about we be friends?"
Friends. Klopp turned the word over in his head, tasted it on the tip of his tongue, coated his sore heart with it. It wasn't what he hoped he would get, but it was infinitely better than what he thought would happen. And every time he looked at Buvac's expectant yet unsure face, the raging fire in his heart began to die, replaced by a glowing, fuzzy warmth.
"Yes.”