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Maiden’s Kiss
Cloud was a nervous wreck as they trudged through the dense jungle of the West Continent. Thick foliage surrounded the team from all sides, the humidity soaking into Cloud’s shirt and clinging to his back. He could detect the faint buzzing of kimara bugs swatting around his ear and the roar of a Gagighandi in the distance, but nothing stalking through the undergrowth could scare him more than what was currently prowling in front of him. Blood red flapping against bared white teeth that would have even a Grand Horn running for the hills.
“Remind me again why we’re taking a detour through the boonies when Golden Saucer is literally just north of here,” snapped the short-haired brunette in front of Cloud, more commonly known to the world as Genesis Rhaspodos.
“We have all of this week to enjoy the amusement park, Genesis. Let Zack spend one evening with his parents,” said Angeal Hewley, keeping pace beside his rowdy companion, back damp with sweat and broad arms glistening under the blazing sun.
“Yeah Gen, you got all the time in the world to go on the rides and gamble all our life savings away,” said Zack, strolling beside Cloud with the light breeze of someone who grew up in warmer climates. ”Besides, you love my mum and dad.”
“My fondness for your mother’s hospitality does not outweigh my disdain for the humidity,” Genesis grumbled, fanning his face..
“And yet you insist on dropping by with a bottle of Banora White every time we’re in the area,” mused a husky voice taking up the rear, a cadence that sent a chill up Cloud’s spine despite the southern heat. “Although, we were here not too long ago Zack.”
“But Seph, this is Cloud’s first time meeting my folks. You don’t mind do you Cloud?” Zack said, nudging his friend’s shoulder. “Then again this is your first time at the Golden Saucer too, what do you wanna do first? The shooting coaster is a blast, so is the arcade if you like prizes, or maybe you’d like to go to the theater with Genesis? Every year he hopes one of us will be the random couple selected to act out of the play that night.”
“And every year I have not been picked,” Genesis sniffed and flipped a lock of hair sticking to his forehead.
Cloud let out an uncomfortable chuckle, wanting nothing more than to throw himself into the jaws of the jungle than spend an entire week alone with his crush and his crush’s three handsome boyfriends. Ever since Cloud stumbled into Midgar as a young trooper with dreams of grandeur, Zack took an instant shine to the blonde and the two had been thick as thieves ever since. Cloud had fallen head over heels straight away and deluded himself into thinking he actually stood a chance at gaining Zack’s affection, only for Zack to confide in him one drunken night that he was in a secret relationship with three 1st Class Soldiers, but he had to promise not to tell anyone.
To say Cloud had been disappointed was putting it mildly, he’d been devastated to discover his best friend had snagged the three most unattainable bachelors in all of Midgar, one being his childhood crush to boot. He put on a brave face though and had been nothing if not supportive of their relationship, honoured actually to be their unintentional secret-keeper, but it was also very awkward once the others found out about Cloud. Their disdain was immediate, with an exasperated Angeal scolding Zack for his drunken mishap, a furious Genesis glaring dagger into Cloud’s skull, and Sephiroth remaining neutral throughout Zack’s fumbling apology but giving Cloud a subtle look that said, “Tell anyone and they will never find the body.”
How Zack managed to get the others to agree to let him accompany them on their vacation as a 5th wheel was beyond him.
“I was not aware you had never been to the Golden Saucer, Cloud,” said Sephiroth, sneaking up on the two and making Cloud jump out of his skin. “I was under the impression you too hailed from the West Continent.”
“Yeah,” Cloud stuttered. It had been a year since that fateful night and while the First’s opinion of Cloud had softened with time, he still wasn’t quite comfortable with the group dynamic. “My ma and I didn’t have much money for going on trips, so we just went camping in the mountains every summer. Rocket Town is the nearest settlement to Nibelheim and I never even went that far.”
“Then we’ll have to make this trip a memorable one,” Angeal said over his shoulder, overhearing their conversation. “You get the best view of the park from the gondola.”
Cloud cocked his head at the suggestion, vaguely remembering his squad discussing their own past experiences going to the Golden Saucer on vacation, and accidentally overhearing their past exploits hooking up with the local girls and taking them up on the gondola, as it was meant to be the most romantic ride in the park. Why Angeal chose to bring up that particular ride confused him when he was the only one without a date.
“Then I simply must take you with me on the Fashion Report,” Genesis interjected, dropping back to sling his arm around Cloud’s opposite shoulder. “I never miss an opportunity to dress up my boys, and you would look gorgeous in the role of the heroine.”
“Knock it off, Gen!” Cloud blustered, knocking Genesis’ arm off, who threw a challenging smirk his way. What happened to the man that threatened with a firaga materia if the media got even so much as a whiff of their relationship? Now Genesis was teasing him like they had been dear companions for years.
“I am not one for amusement park rides, but you are welcome to join me in the battle arena,” Sephiroth offered.
“Sephiroth, we’re supposed to be on vacation,” Angeal reminded him.
“I practise to relax,” Sephiroth shrugged, his social skills on par with Cloud's, and his list of hobbies even more sparse. “I have yet to spar with you Cloud, and Zack tells me he’s been letting you practise with the 3rd Class weapons in the VR room.”
“I didn’t mean to use the room without permission,” Cloud apologized, dipping his chin into his jacket.
“I was supervising him,” Zack defended, “I booked the session because he needed somewhere to practise with a real sword for the SOLDIER entry exam.”
Yes, the SOLDIER entrance exam Cloud had been anticipating for the past year ever since he failed the initial entry requirements. As nice as it was that Zack never treated him any differently for failing, and made it clear there was no rank between them outside of work, Cloud still felt like a fish out of water when standing next to his superiors, and desperately wanted to make it into SOLDIER so he could finally be their equal.
“Oh look, a watering hole.” Genesis pointed ahead of them to an open clearing with a small lake surrounded by bustling wildlife. Flowers with purple and orange hues, chirping birds of paradise perched on low branches, and frogs of many colours lazily resting on lilypads and ribbiting loudly amongst themselves. It was the perfect spot for a water break.
“Oh wow, I’ve never seen so many frogs in one place,” Angeal awed at the multi-coloured amphibians that glanced their way and the ribbiting falling to a halt as the group disturbed their shaded shelter.
“Touch-me Frogs, “ Zack gasped and stopped in his tracks.
“An unusual name for a frog,” Sephiroth frowned as the amphibians seemed very interested in the five intruders and made no move to scatter, unlike the birds who shot into the sky upon their arrival.
“They’re watching us,” Cloud squirmed under the weird horizontal-pupil stare and inched back slightly when a few hopped towards them in curiosity.
“I’ve heard of these, they’re Gongaga’s national animal.” Angeal dropped to one knee to examine the species more closely. “They don’t appear to be scared of humans.”
“Guys, I think we should move along,” Zack said, stepping in front of Cloud.
“How come I’ve never seen one until now?” Genesis asked, watching as one bold frog among the rest hopped onto his boot and gazed up at him with mutual intrigue.
“We’ve never taken this route into Gongaga before, so this might be their mating spot,” Sephiroth speculated as he joined his two lovers by the edge of the lake.
“So why are they called touch-me Frogs?” Genesis asked and raised a hand to pet one.
“Gen-Wait!” Zack called out, but was too late to stop what happened next.
A sharp pop snapped through the stillness and the generals vanished in a puff of smoke.
“Where did they go?” Cloud gasped as the frogs scattered and dived for the pool. He scanned the jungle for any hint of a broadsword, flap of red leather, or a shimmer of silver, but there was no one around. Cloud turned to Zack for answers, but the question died on his lips when Zack doubled over and fell to the ground on all fours, shaking. “Zack, are you alright? Are you hurt?”
The older man ignored him, trembling on the floor and letting out a pained noise. Cloud dropped to his knees to help, but was unprepared for Zack’s head snapping back up as he burst out laughing, pointing at something on the ground. Cloud dumbly followed the pointed finger, but the only thing in front of them were some remaining frogs who had not dived into the water
Three frogs in fact. One obsidian black, one russet red, one albino white.
“I can’t believe you actually did it,” Zack struggling to get out in-between bursts of laughter. “You should see the looks on your faces.”
“Zack what are you talking about?” Cloud asked, failing to see the punchline. “What happened to the others?”
“There,” Zack pointed again at the spot the three had just been standing and wiped his eyes as he got his laughter under control. “They’re right there.”
One of the frogs let out an angry ribbit that set Zack off again.
“The touch-me frogs?” Cloud squinted at the red frog that began to jump around in a frenzy, while the black one let out the loudest ribbit yet. Only the white frog stayed perfectly still and Cloud noted it was the only one with different pupils from the rest of the frogs. While still vertical, they were more pointed, kinda like…
“Sephiroth?!” Cloud gasped loudly, and the white frog let out a polite ribbit in response. “The Generals are all frogs! Zack, what do we do?”
There was no way in hell Cloud was going to be the one to tell Lazard his three best employees were now frogs!
“Hand me your PHS,” Zack ordered, his demeanour suddenly flipping from “loveable puppy” to “2nd Class Soldier Lueitenant Zack” mode. Cloud slapped the device in his hand without question, only to gape as Zack then proceeded to flip his PHS open and snap a photo with the camera function.
“Zack, how is this helping?”
“It’s for future blackmail.”
“Zack, please be serious for a moment. We need to find a way to change them back.”
“Why? This is brilliant!”
“We can’t go home with them looking like this.”
“Why not? Seph could take out an entire monster nest alone with just a toothpick for a sword.”
“Not the point Zack!”
“Relax Spike, my friends and I used to play tag with touch-me Frogs all the time, last one to stay untouched was the winner.” Zack laughed at the memory and snapped another photo of Genesis flailing with indignation. “It’s easy to cure, you just need a Maiden’s Kiss.”
“But we don’t have any Maiden’s Kisses,” Cloud reminded him, positive he would have remembered something like that when they stopped at the market back in Costa Del Sol after getting off the boat.
“Oh that’s right, we didn’t stock up on any.” Zack pressed a finger to his chin and thought for a moment, then turned to Cloud and grabbed him by the shoulders. ”Cloud, you’re a virgin right?”
Silence hung over the secluded pound, not even a frog made a sound.
“What does that have to do with anything!” Cloud squawked, face bright red.
“Because there’s more than one way to undo the frog curse. The potion got its name, Maiden’s Kiss because a kiss from a maiden is the only thing that can undo the effects of the Frog curse. That’s why so many fairytales like, The Princess and the Sahagin Prince, take place in Gongaga.”
"Thanks for the history lesson, but you seem to be overlooking the obvious fact, I’m not a girl!” Cloud rebutted.
"Not maiden as in an unmarried woman, maiden as in a virgin. Like how sailors say maiden’s voyage,” Zack explained. “Now answer me, are you a virgin?”
Cloud, whose face was as bright red as a summoning materia, averted his gaze and uttered under his breath. “...Yeah.”
“Excellent!” Zack clapped his shoulders and quickly scooped up the black frog. “Here, give Angeal a kiss and that’ll turn him back to normal.”
Cloud was almost positive he was going to faint from the intense heat on his face as Zack held the frog up to eye level. Worse, the frog had a film of slime over its entire body, and that alone made him grimace.
“Can’t we just wait until we get to your parent’s house and buy a Maiden’s Kiss in town?” he insisted, shuffling back from the creature and avoiding Angeal’s patient stare, who bless him, was not offended by his repulsion. Kissing a frog was one thing, but kissing his best friend’s frog boyfriend was a different matter entirely.
"There’s no time. This place is crawling with touch-me Frogs. If you and I get hit then who’ll defend us? Please Cloud, we need your virgin kisses!" Zack urged, thrusting Angeal closer to Cloud’s face.
“Stop calling it that!” Cloud stared at the frog in Zack's outstretched palm for a long moment. While Angeal made no effort to demand a kiss from Cloud, he also made no gesture that indicated he sided with Cloud on waiting until they reached Gongaga village. The other two frogs were also unusually quiet and seemed to be waiting with bated breath for Cloud to make a decision. "Ok, ok already," Shutting his eyes, Cloud told himself he was not about to give his first kiss away to a slimy pair of frog lips, but a pair of human lips. Normal human lips. Human lips belonging to Angeal Hewley. Beautiful, soft human lips with a light rough edge and a scratchy brush of facial hair that he definitely had not fantasized about many times before bed. Not able to bear the suspense any longer, Cloud scrunched his eyes shut, held his breath and tried to control his gag reflex as leaned down and quickly pecked the frog on the mouth. Neither of the two took into consideration the sudden size change though and after a loud pop, Cloud felt the solid shape of a hard mouth with a bristled jawline press against his own before Zack let out of pained “Oof!” and a heavy-weight knocked Cloud onto his back on the damp grass.
"Sorry," Angeal grunted on top of him, a solid mass of compact muscle crushing Cloud’s lithe frame. Getting up on all fours so he wasn't crushing the poor blonde, Angeal hovered over Cloud’s prone form, lips only inches apart. "Thank you, Cloud, that was very noble of you."
"Anytime," Cloud squeaked, feeling very small under Angeal’s hulking frame, firm pectoral muscles heaving under Cloud’s trapped hands. It took every ounce of self-control for him to not squeeze them. Thankfully, Angeal climbed to his feet and offered Cloud a hand getting back up. Seeing Angeal successfully turn back into a human again, the two remaining frogs were now more eager to return to normal, with Genesis jumping about again in a frenzy, demanding to go next.
"Alright, alright, calm down Gen." Zack said, catching the crimson frog in mid-jump and struggling to hold onto his slippery form as Genesis continued to grow impatient. Finding his grip, Zack held the captured frog out for Cloud. “One down, two to go.”
Cloud just barely caught the jumping frog in his sweating palms. Genesis' slimy body wasn't any less appealing than Angeal, but the bright cherry red colour made him nervous about touching the frog with any part of his bare skin. Desperately hoping human-turned-frogs didn't secrete poison from their backs like their native counterparts, Cloud shut his eyes again and before he had time to think too hard about who he was about to kiss, quickly pecked the red frog on the lips. Another loud pop and Cloud squeaked when the weight in his hands shifted and he was being pulled into a firm embrace by someone who was not there a moment ago. A human hand grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer, where a human tongue wormed its way into his mouth.
"GENESIS!"
The kiss left Cloud breathless as he gripped Genesis’s leather coat for support, neither pushing him away nor pulling him closer for another.
"And thus, the frog prince turns back into a human by the kiss of his princess bride." Genesis purred in Cloud's flustered face, a self-satisfied smirk stretching across his face. The poor cadet had no response and was eternally grateful when Angeal finally pulled the brunette off him.
Last was the albino frog, patiently waiting on the ground and making no move to approach him. Cloud gently knelt down and held out his hands for the general to jump onto. Sephiroth stared at his outstretched palms contemplatively before hopping on. Standing up, Cloud tried to avoid making eye contact with those unnatural reptilian eyes as he brought the frog closer to his face, and once again shut his eyes and kissed it. Cloud let out an undignified squeak when arms suddenly wrapped around his middle and hefted him up into a firm embrace. Instinctively wrapping his arms around the taller man for support, Cloud’s snapped his eyes open again and his gaze was ensnared by a pair mako green eyes staring right back at him.
“Thank you, Cloud.” said Sephiroth once their lips separated.
“N-No problem,” the poor trooper stuttered out, legs dangling from how the General was still holding him in his arms.
Sephiroth gently set Cloud back down and patted the shorter man on the shoulder in thanks. Cloud nodded and turned around, spotting Zack watching him intently and pointing to his own face.
"What?" asked Cloud
"What about me?" Zack pouted. "Where's my kiss?"
Cloud bristled and punched his friend on the shoulder. "Knock it off!"
“Don’t be like that,” Zack whined like a puppy begging for table scraps. “Everyone else got a kiss but me.”
“You’re not a frog, Zack!”
“Can we please get back on track,” Angeal interjected. “If what Zack says is true and there are indeed more of these creatures in the area, then it would be wise to turn back now and stock up on Maiden’s Kisses before attempting the trek to Gongaga again.”
"Why waste precious gil when we already have an unlimited supply of maiden's kisses right here?" Gen argued, wrapping an arm around Cloud’s shoulder and pulling the boy into a one-arm embrace. “Isn’t that right, dear?”
“Fuck off. Next time I’ll leave you all as frogs,” Cloud warned, even as hid his face in Genesis’s collar.
“You knew this time of year was the touch-me frog’s breeding season, didn’t you Zack?” said Sephiroth and everyone turned their heads towards the guilty-looking puppy
“What makes you say that?” Zack laughed nervously, running his hand through his hair.
“You have never taken us through this route in any of our past visits, and you deliberated shielded Cloud from accidentally being turned into a frog,” he analysed flawlessly.
“Ok you got me,” Zack sighed. “I was gonna set the scene once we got Golden Saucer, but I remembered the way to the pond and I thought it would be the perfect icebreaker since all our attempts at flirting went straight over Cloud’s spiky head.”
“What!” Cloud gawked and stared at the other three in bewilderment, who all avoided his gaze.
“I like you, chocobo,” Zack admitted, “WE like you. After you took off your helmet on our first mission together, I just knew you’d be perfect for us. But I sorta jumped the gun and got too eager to tell you about our relationship, I didn’t even tell the others about you until after the fact.”
“Admittedly, we were not too eager to add another member to the group, as just the four of us already made being discreet near impossible,” Sephiroth continued.
“We also knew nothing about you and were dubious of Zack’s idea to bring you into our secret,” said Angeal. “Your rank was also a factor.”
“This trip was meant to be a celebration for you making SOLDIER but the exam schedule got post-poned and we couldn’t change the booking at Golden Saucer,” sighed Genesis. “You better pass, because I do not plan on waiting another year just to woo you.”
“Woo me?” Cloud stepped away from Genesis, looking at all four of them in disbelief. Why him though? He wasn’t anything special, just another backwater hillbilly who failed the entrance exam, who was stand-offish with every except Zack who he followed around like a lost chick.
“Once you proved to us you could keep our secret, we lowered our defences and made the effort to get to know you, and we can see what Zack saw in you,” said Sephiroth, smiling fondly as the flustered blonde. “It has been nice having you over and sharing our space.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Cloud mumbled into his jacket, feeling very undeserving of their affection. “I mean, I’ve liked you all for a while now. I just didn’t think you wanted another-”
A sharp sudden pop cut through the tension and Zack disappeared into a puff of smoke.
“Oops, I guess there was one left,” Genesis smirked from behind where Zack just stood moments before. “I probably should have warned him.”
“That wasn’t very nice Gen,” Angeal scolded despite the grin on his face.
“Call it karma, or will of the goddess,” Genesis teased, dropping onto his haunches beside a very confused green frog who stared up at them in horror. Zack let out an offended ribbit and jumped about the place, hopping towards Cloud and reaching out for him.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Genesis intercepted the jump and caught Zack in his hands. “You can wait until we get to Gongaga and buy a proper maiden’s kiss.”
Zack let out a disagreeable whine and stretched out his froggy bulbous hands towards Cloud, who would have felt bad for the poor thing, if Zack hadn’t tricked him into giving his first three kisses away to three sets of slimy frog lips. “It’s what you deserve.”
“We should get a move on before more touch-me frogs sneak up on us,” Angeal announced, diverting attention away from Cloud’s cut-off confession.
“Is it safe to keep going?” Cloud asked, “What if you get touched again?”
“That’s what we have you for darling,” Genesis ruffled Cloud’s hair.
“Yes, but if Cloud gets turned into a frog then we won’t have a way of turning anyone back,” Sephiroth said.
"Then we better protect the honour of our maiden," Angeal chuckled lightly.
“Can we please drop the maiden thing,” Cloud whined as the three laughed and made their way through the jungle trail, surrounding Cloud so he was protected from all sides from enemy attack.
“We’re just joking, love.” Genesis waved him off, but subtly whispered to the frog still clutched in his hands, “Although, I guarantee by nightfall our little maiden will no longer be a maiden.”
The frog let out a pleased ribbit.