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“So it was just like I was saying, right?” Stu used his whole body when he talked.
With his hands for emphasis, his whole face screwed up in various expressions as the moods changed. He snapped, laughed, winced, shook his head, pursed his lips, kicked his feet. Stu was teeming, bursting with life.
It was a lazy day in the mid week, Stu and Billy, the healthy teenage boys that they were, decided to skip school and just relax with each other. It was supposed to be an assembly day, so they weren't missing much. And all it took was two well rehearsed phone calls, a believable impression of each other's dads, and a good enough one-day excuse.
“If he wasn't gonna honor the sale...”
“Why keep the sign up?” Billy finished in a void-of-life completely monotone inflection.
His words came out slurred too, cause his cheek was squished up against Stu's chest and he wasn't gonna risk moving an inch for fear of those long, beautiful fingers retreating from his hair.
“Why keep the sign up! Exactly, dude.”
“Dude.”
“Babe,” he corrected. “Sorry.”
“ ‘s fine.”
“Anyway so I just look at him, like with a ‘this is bullshit, if I read a sign that says half off and there's no expiration date, you better take that shit half off’ kind of way, and I say ‘Look man, I'm not leaving here without this cologne. I don't care that someone accidentally stocked it with the cheap stuff. I found it on the clearance shelf; I get it half off’ and this fucking total piss ant, fuck he pissed me off, he doesn't even acknowledge what I said. He just goes ‘Are your parent's around, sir?’ ”
“Oh god.”
“I know right? Like how fucking rude? How are you gonna call someone ‘sir’ to their face and in the same breath ask where their parents are? Like are you a dumbass? That makes no sense.”
Billy reaches his hand, basically dragging it through the air, and takes Stu's free hand in his. Stu does not stop his story, he doesn't even think, he just automatically laces their fingers together.
“So I can't believe this guy, right? And I go ‘Parents? No, I didn't take my fucking parents shopping with me to the mall. But you know what, I've got your wife around the corner why don't you say hi? She misses you.’ ” Billy snorts. “And holy fuck, he got so mad. His face went all red and he was like, ‘Now see here, young man’ and why do old people gotta do that? It's like what are we looking at? See here? See what? Your finger waving around in front of my face? No thanks. Put that shit away.”
“I think it makes them feel like they're right and we're wrong.” Billy hummed softly. “Like cause they know outdated expressions.”
“Yeah, bite me, it's just more bullshit.”
“More bullshit.”
“So, like I said, he gets all huffy and red and goes all, ‘See here young man, I'll not be spoken to that way. You're being very rude. And if you think I'm going to sell you—’ and who the fuck does this man think he is? Like I'm gonna stand there and listen to a lecture. He's not my father. What the fuck? So I interrupt him and I'm like, ‘Look you can either sell this to me and make commission, or you can find me someone else to give my money to. Cause I'm buying this shit, and I'm buying it with the fucking sale.’ ”
Billy closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “Good job, standing your ground.”
“Thanks, baby.”
“What'd he say next?”
“Nothing really. Just that he'd be happy to sell it to me at full price.”
“Fuck that.”
“Fuck that. So I literally just walked away, with the cologne,” Billy chuckled tiredly and shook his head, “and the man got even more huffy. Like the goddamn big bad wolf. He was calling me back, but I ignored him. Fucking loser was stuck behind his loser counter. And I went to a different sales clerk, this random lady cause she's the next one I see, and I try to buy this cologne.”
“And what? She sold it to you?”
“No,” Stu shakes his head. “No, she says ‘Sorry’ and all ‘but that particular item's not included with the sale. We'd be happy to give you the discount for any of the other perfumes and colognes. I'm so sorry for the mix up, and all your trouble...' yada yada right? So I thank her and go put the damn thing back—”
“Stu!”
“What?”
Billy just laughs for a second. “So after all of that you didn't even buy it?”
“No, it wasn't apart of the sale, and I wasn't gonna pay full price for that shit. But that's my whole point! If this pissy old fart would have just been polite about it, like the lady was, I wouldn't have made such a fucking scene."
“Ah.”
“Like I don't give a fuck about the cologne. It's not about the cologne. You know me, do I give a fuck about cologne?"
Billy shook his head. "You don't give a fuck about cologne."
"No! It's the fucking principle. Why'd that guy have to be so rude? What's that get you? You ruin the day of two people, and you get no commission. What's the point?”
“Old people, Stuey.” Billy shrugged. “They take one look at you and think ‘punk’ and just instantly hate you.”
“Yeah and they live their whole lives with shit for brains like that. With attitude like that. Looking at the whole world with a sour face on. I couldn’t do it, babe. Life's too short, I'm too fucking exhausted. I'd rather be happy and nice.”
“You're too good for them.”
“I'm too good for them.”
Stu stopped scratching through Billy's hair and shoved his hand in his pocket. Billy was devastated but it was probably as good a session as he was going to get. Stu had been telling his story for like thirty minutes.
Then there was something cool and hard being pressed into Billy's hand. The hand that wasn't threaded with Stu's.
“Anyway, here. Happy hundred days, babe.”
“What?” Billy shifted, “What?”
He looked at the item suddenly in his hand and burst out laughing.
Billy sat up, Stu following him, now stradling Stu's thighs. He held the item between them. “Is this the fucking cologne?”
“The very same. Smells great too, don't wear it to school, I won't be able to help myself.” Stu promised, his eyes went a little unfocused as he brushed the bangs back behind Billy's ear.
“I thought you said you didn't get it?”
“I didn't buy it.” Stu corrected. “It was like a hundred and fifty dollars full price, babe.”
“You were gonna buy this at seventy-five dollars?!” Billy couldn't believe it, the smile didn't drop from his face. “You're unbelievable—Wait Stu, you stole this from the place, but they know you. They know what you look like. That fucking asshole manager's gonna remember you for sure. Fuck. Stuey what if—”
“Stop worrying your beautifully scary mind right fucking now, Loomis.” Stu kissed Billy's forehead. “I didn't steal it from that shop. It's the hottest new cologne out right now, I just went to another department store and grabbed it there. Didn't even see anyone.”
“Oh, okay.” Billy nodded, and then smiled at it again. “Thanks babe.”
“Anything for you.”
“So I gotta get you something now?” Billy smiled wryly. “What did you say? ‘Happy one hundred days’? That's not a thing.”
Stu shrugged with a smirk. “I made it up. Wanted to celebrate you somehow, but your birthday's like five months away. Valentine's already passed.”
“You spoil me.”
“How could I not? You're my princess.” Stu kissed his cheek.
Billy lightly smacked him on the arm in a minor protest. “Careful, I'm not that bitchy girlfriend of yours.”
Stu rolled his eyes. “Her I have to spoil. You, I want to. She's not my princess. You are.”
“You don't call her that shit, do you?”
“Never.”
Billy nodded and wrapped his arms around Stu's neck. “So what do you want, what do I get you?”
Stu shook his head. Hands gliding up Billy's back. “I just like spending time with you. I like this. You let me talk.”
“Sure,” Billy chuckled. “Then tell me another story. I'll think of something.”
“Yeah okay.”
Billy pulled him in for a kiss, and all the love between them unfolded from their lips. It was unrushed, unheavy, unworried, just soft and sweet. Stu laid them down again, and after a few wonderful moments of bliss, Billy pulled off. The boys got comfortable, resettled, and Stu was instantly off like they never even moved.
“So just the other day I was at the video store. And you would not fucking believe what Randy had to say about the movie I got. It was that cult movie that came out last year. You know the one? With the teenage witches and that new girl, and they curse the people around them?”
“The Craft?”
“Yeah! The Craft, that's the one. So I haven't seen it since it was released, right? I'm looking to rent, and fucking Meeks comes over…”
Billy sighed in content, cheek squished against Stu's chest, hand playing absentmindedly with Stu's fingers.