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“The whole weekend?” Chimney looks at the schedule incredulously. “How did we manage to get the whole weekend off?”
“Don’t question it,” Hen warns. “If you bring it up to Bobby, we’ll lose it.”
“What are you going to do with a whole free weekend?”
“Clean my house, maybe?” She scoffs. “These kids are great, but they’re disasters of their own.”
Buck smiles, glancing up at them from his book.
“What about you?” Eddie asks from his spot next to him on the couch.
“Uh…” He definitely had a plan. “I don’t know; I’m meeting a friend on Saturday.”
Eddie’s brow twitches like he doesn’t quite believe him. “Chris has already begged me to take him to the zoo to see that new animal you two were raving about the other day. “
“The pangolins,” Buck supplies, and the corner of Eddie’s mouth pulls up in a smile.
“That.”
“He’ll love it,” Buck smiles, looking back at his book. He's intentionally avoiding Eddie's gaze and Eddie definitely notices.
Eddie blinks at him and opens his mouth to say something; instead, he nods. “Yeah, I think so.” He gets to his feet, and when Eddie is gone, Buck squeezes his eyes shut. He hates lying to Eddie and hates saying no to Chris even more. He hadn’t exactly lied; he would be meeting a friend. That friend is some alone time in nature, in the mountains. By himself. He’s had the climbing gear in the back of the Jeep for days, knowing that Bobby had pulled strings to get them the weekend off after a bad call a few days prior. They’ll have to pull an extra double later, but Buck appreciates it nonetheless.
He doesn’t want to tell anyone of his plans because he knows what they’ll say. They see enough rock climbing trips gone bad that he should want to steer clear. Didn’t he see the way that one couple got so twisted up in their own rope, the guy nearly lost his leg? Doesn’t he remember the guy whose ropes snapped because it wasn’t hooked up properly, leaving him helpless at the bottom of a ditch, calling out desperately for days?
He does remember. Vividly.
But Buck knows what he’s doing. He’s been doing indoor rock walls since he was a kid and outdoor climbing since he left Pennsylvania. Anytime there’s a rope rescue, it’s either him or Eddie in the harness. He’ll be safe and smart. Besides, if anything goes wrong, Maddie knows where he’ll be. And there’s not really anyone he trusts more than her.
He has extra battery packs for his phone, extra batteries for his flashlight if he needs it, and all of the safety clips and gear needed. The last thing he wants to do is have to explain himself to any of his coworkers—especially to Eddie. He doesn’t want a lecture. He’ll have to find something to tell Chris later, but that’s a problem for the future.
At the end of their shift, with his bag slung over his shoulder on his way to his car, Eddie calls after him.
“Hey,” he says, a little out of breath once he's caught up.
“Do you need a minute?” Buck teases. “Can I get you a water or anything?”
“Shut up,” Eddie grumbles as they walk to their vehicles. “I was just going to ask, uh, if you wanted to come over for dinner. Chris wanted to cook tonight; I don’t know if I can endure it by myself.”
“Oh,” Buck laughs. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ve got plans tonight.” Eddie stops, but Buck continues for a few steps, glancing over his shoulder. “What?”
“Nothing,” Eddie says with a smile, tight and uncomfortable. “Have fun this weekend.”
“Yeah, you too,” Buck says, frowning a little.
Eddie gives him an awkward nod before heading to his truck.
Eddie climbs into his truck but doesn’t start it. He only sits there for a moment, trying to comprehend the last few minutes.
He might be making it up. He might absolutely be overthinking everything, which is definitely something he is prone to do. He might be reading into things.
But something about Buck’s behavior isn’t sitting right with him. Eddie can’t remember the last time Buck had turned down a day with him and Chris or an invitation like this one. He isn’t usually so vague, though he has been in certain situations. Certain awkward situations.
Like when he was dating Taylor.
Something in him crumbles. If Buck is, in fact, dating someone, then all of Eddie’s plans are falling through. He knew he had to talk to Buck soon, but he hadn’t realized he would have all of forty-eight hours.
That’s how long it’s been since Eddie discovered he’s in love with Buck. And he had a whole plan. He would invite Buck to dinner that night, then talk to him after Chris had gone to bed. Ask where they were going, and if he could steer them in a certain direction, he would take the opportunity.
Now, he supposes, they’re going nowhere.
If Buck is seeing someone, and he’s happy, Eddie’s happy for him. And he’ll continue to be happy for him as long as possible. He can bite his tongue and pretend that all of the newly found feelings that have been brought to the surface aren’t actually pressing on every nerve in his body.
If it comes down to it, he can push everything back down and look at his friend like that’s all he is.
But, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try something.
There is something about dangling off a cliff that Buck can’t find anywhere else. He’s repelled halfway down the cliff, the waves crashing against the rock below him. Twisting slightly, he releases the belay just enough to lower him a few inches, then yanks it down, wrapping the rope under him and then around his leg, ensuring he won’t move.
The view is everything he needs. The sun is lowering on the horizon, casting oranges and gold over the ocean as it falls. There will be enough light for a little while; he has time to just sit and think. He had been to this spot before, but it took his breath away every time.
The first time Buck had come here was with Eddie. Not just with Eddie—they were on a call. They’d lowered themselves down onto an outcropping to try and find the ghost who’d called dispatch.
He smiles a little at the memory. The smile Eddie had worn. The million-dollar view. The way he and Eddie had stood so serenely for just a moment, side by side like they were the only people that mattered.
That had stirred something in Buck’s chest then, just like it does now. Something twists and pulls at his chest and he’s trying not to think about it. He’s been trying not to think about it.
Nothing good can come from it, he reminds himself. Not for either of them.
So he stares out at the sea for a moment longer. More than a moment.
He sits in the silence of the cliff: the water crashing below him – terrifying to anyone else – the birds calling overhead as they find their way back to the nests, the nighttime buzz as the sun meets the horizon.
Part of the reason Buck loves rope rescues is because he has a good partner. Work partner. He is also familiar with all of the parts, all of the tools, all of the knots necessary to sustain his body weight.
He's been climbing since he was a kid; first at the YMCA after school, then at that summer camp his parents had sent him to (he had felt like they were trying to get rid of him but he loved the place so he didn’t care). Then it was just...something he did. In the Carolinas, in Peru – God, Peru was the best place to climb. Before he moved to LA, he hadn't done it as often – no time, no money, something like that. But the rope rescues at work sometimes left him wanting to feel that adrenaline rush, that free fall feeling. The feeling that there is nothing but fifty, sixty, maybe even a hundred feet of nothing between him and the ground.
And he is in total control.
After what feels like eternity (5 minutes of solitary peace), he turns back to the cliff face and begins climbing, unraveling the rope from his leg and tugging the slack out of the line above. His phone chimes, distracting him for a second. Long enough for a short length of the rope to slide through his hands and drop him down an inch or so before he catches it.
He mutters something under his breath, securing the rope in its holding position so he can get his phone from his jacket pocket.
One thing he hadn’t thought about was if he dropped his phone, but he figured that for the time being, he would just have to hold onto it tightly enough that it wouldn’t fall.
“Hey, Eddie,” he says into the phone, his free hand to adjust the knot around the carabiner.
“Hey, uh, I-I kind of need to talk to you about something.”
A few stones fall from the top of the cliff face, catching in his hair and rope. Buck looks up, ignoring whatever Eddie is saying over the phone. Buck can trace a crack from the top of the cliff to one or two feet below the edge.
“Buck?”
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “Say it again?”
“Where are you? Doesn’t sound like your apartment.”
“It’s not; it’s —” The crack widens, showering him with dirt again. “Great. Eddie now’s not a great—“
Nothing is going his way anymore. The edge of the rock falls away, a large chunk hitting his leg. He barely has time to register the sharp, throbbing pain; with a foot or so of the cliff face missing, Buck swings hard into the rock, slamming his shoulder into the wall and dropping a foot lower. The hit had rattled him, left him feeling a little lost.
Miraculously, his phone is still in his hand and he can hear Eddie calling his name again.
“Buck! What was that noise? Where are you?”
He simply stares at his phone for a moment, puts it up toward his face so Eddie can hear him say:
“Gotta — Gotta call Maddie. Talk to you later.”
“Buck—!”
And he hangs up.
After calling his sister — who, by a stroke of luck, is working, barely holding back an I told you so, and had sent an ambulance and rescue team his way — he slips his phone back in his pocket.
The sun has almost entirely set, the last sliver barely peeking out from the glistening horizon. He smiles a little, despite his pain.
In an attempt to get back to the top on his own, he tries pulling the slack of the belay system — which, by a stroke of bad luck, is jammed with rocks and pebbles. Not only that, but his shoulder won’t have enough strength to hoist his weight up.
Free climbing, then, is out of the question.
It’s not long before he hears a set of tire tracks and a series of commands called out by a rescue captain whom he can’t seem to place. There are a few shouts and a scuffle at the top — Buck swears he heard a tight Diaz but pushes the thought away.
A few moments later, a firefighter from the 133 peers over the edge.
“Hi,” he says awkwardly. “I seem to have found myself in an inconvenient position.”
Eddie had arrived with the Rescue teams, practically riding their bumper through the state park. Maddie had texted him and Eddie had never broken so many traffic laws in one drive.
As soon as he had gotten out, still in his LAFD t-shirt from his shift earlier, he had traced the taut rope along the ground and over the edge. His heart stopped and he stumbled toward the edge but the captain and one of his crew members managed to stop him and wrangle him back.
Now, Eddie is pacing along one of the barriers surrounding the area, keeping him and other passersby far enough away. Being babysat by a twenty-something blonde kid. He hates being on this side of the fence. He itches to get on the other side of it, to drag Buck up the cliffside himself.
One of the firefighters waves a hand, signaling for the rope to start moving. Eddie waits, heart pounding, one second away from pulling his hair out. When Buck’s head comes into view, Eddie exhales, pushing past the barrier despite the protests. He pauses long enough for Buck to get to his feet and far enough from the ledge. He smiles at one of the paramedics who offers her hand to help steady him.
Then he looks up.
He furrows his brows like he does when he thinks something’s wrong: just enough to be noticeable but passing as calm enough.
“Eddie?”
“What happened?” He steps closer, inspecting the rope still clipped to his harness. “What were you even doing out here?”
“I– I do this all the time,” Buck answers, shaking his head. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m…” Eddie hesitates. “Are–Are you okay? And don’t lie to me.”
“I’m fine,” he assures him, his voice softening. His left arm is held close to his body and he’s standing a little crookedly. “Honestly. I didn’t expect the edge to fall, but I was anchored further up.” He points to the metal hook sticking out of a tree a little ways away. The rope is looped through it, both ends tracing back to him. One end is tied off around a carabiner with a complicated knot that Eddie recognizes and is clipped to his harness; the other is running through the belay, dragging across the ground behind him. “The dust and rocks jammed my belay. It’s a little embarrassing but I thought it better to call than to–”
Eddie’s courage surges, pushing him forward. He cups Buck’s face and kisses him. It’s careful and sweet and dusty, and he prays it conveys everything he needs it to. Buck’s hand slides to the small of Eddie’s back, but Eddie pulls away a moment later.
He swallows and shakes his head. “Buck, I’m… I’m so sorry.”
“Eddie.”
“I just panicked-”
“Eddie-”
“I’m - I’m really glad you’re okay.” He starts to take a step back, but Buck tightens his grip around his waist.
“Eddie, it’s okay.” And when Eddie meets his eyes, he knows it’s true. “I’m okay. We’re okay.” Buck smiles widely. “I-I do need to sit down, though; I swung into the rock pretty hard. And I’m pretty sure I sprained my ankle.”
“Why wouldn’t you say that?” Eddie scoffs, wrapping an arm around his waist to help him to the ambulance.
“Well, I didn’t think you would try to make out with me!”
That brings heat creeping up Eddie’s face. “Well, next time, I won’t.”
He helps Buck onto the back step of the ambulance, holding his helmet while a paramedic does a routine concussion check. Buck keeps throwing glances Eddie’s way between conversations with the medic as she wraps his ankle. Meanwhile, Eddie tries to focus on anything else but decides to do his own check later. The paramedic gives Buck one last instruction, then stands, waving for Eddie to join Buck.
“You should be good to go,” she informs them. “I know Buck has some medical training, but please make sure he stays off it for a few days.”
That’s directed to Eddie, and he nods. “Don’t worry about him. I’ll handle him.”
Buck raises an eyebrow playfully and Eddie has to turn away to hide the blush rising in his face. He helps Buck to his feet, grabs Buck’s bag of climbing gear that a firefighter had gathered for him, and steers him toward his truck.
“I can take the Jeep.”
“Were you listening at all?” Eddie counters. “You are not driving. I’ll call Bobby and see if we can pick it up in the morning.”
“I can drive,” Buck argues. “I’m serious; I’m fine.”
“Buck, let me take you home.” It’s not entirely a request, not that Buck would say no anyway.
Buck pulls the door closed, and Eddie rounds the front of the truck. Buck’s mind has been running a mile a minute since Eddie kissed him.
Eddie kissed him.
And, god, Buck has been thinking about kissing him like that for months. He’s been so terrified to mess up whatever it is they have. Then Eddie just goes and ruins it for him. He ruins it in the way that Buck has always needed him to.
Eddie gets in the driver’s seat and starts the car. A silence hangs over them, pulling tighter by the minute.
“I am sorry,” he finally admits. “For just springing that on you.”
Buck sighs and then looks up at him. “How long have you…Why didn’t you say anything?”
Eddie looks down at his hands.
“Look, Buck. I…think I’ve loved you for a long time.” Buck’s throat tightens at the words. “I don’t expect you to say anything or know where you might stand. Hell, I only figured it out the other day. I just needed to tell you before I lost you for good. And I was going to tell you after dinner, which you kind of ruined by not showing up.” Buck swats at his arm playfully. “But then, I started panicking and…I don’t know. I didn’t mean to jump you like that earlier. Seeing you like that…the adrenaline kicked in and–”
“Eddie, can you stop talking?” Buck is watching him intently, but Eddie hasn’t met his eye since he got in the car. “I’m not angry at you. If you’re going to ask me out, maybe let’s go somewhere without Christopher.” Eddie’s head snaps up, and he finally looks at Buck. “I mean, he’s great. He’s my favorite Diaz. But, if we’re going on a date, I don’t know if he should be there.”
“A date?”
“If you want,” Buck shrugs.