Work Text:
Thump thump thump. My body feels too heavy to carry up the stairs. I push myself up anyways. Feels as if I’m in autopilot, automatically pulling my keys out my purse and opening my complex door.
I don’t slip off my shoes as usual. They’re kicked off hazardly in some direction, it’s too dark for me to tell. I pull out a familiar piece of metal from my pocket before hanging up my coat. Feet moving before I think about it, I’m in my room digging deep in some drawer until my fingers find the item I’m yearning for.
It’s unbearably hot. I can feel the sweat and heat against my neck; my forehead sticky with a sheen of it. I fucking hate the feeling. Work clothes off in a minute, replaced with just a thin cotton tee. I dont bother with shorts.
Feels like I’ve been home for hours, but looking at my clock it’s only been 10 minutes. 2:12 AM. Shit.. I was out for a while. Sighing, I walk to the kitchen to pull out a beer before going to the balcony. It’s late- extremely- but the city never quiets down.
I’ve been sitting for a while, trying to savor the beer with small sips. I was never a gentle woman, I take large swigs and down pints one after another. But tonight my heart feels heavy. I want to treat it gently. But… glancing at the Malboros and the lighter in my palm, I don’t think I can give her that treatment tonight.
The burning sensation in my throat reappears, after what seems like forever. I’ve had my low moments over the years, but this is bad. I keep taking puff after puff, pushing down any semblance of the morals I have left.
I’m feeling nostalgic.
Pulling out my phone, I look at the small bunch of contacts, chest tightening when I scroll down to S- I can’t bring myself to delete the second of the duo. Taking a deep breath, I click on the first.
One, two, three rings and then I hear his voice. “Leave your message at the tone! [beep]… Haha! Got to you there! OK, sorry, for realsies now. [beep] …….. HAHAHAHA got you there!“ I almost laugh at how he truly hasn’t changed at all. “Hi, S-“ I stop myself, I’m not important enough to call him that anymore.
“Hi Gojo, it’s me, Ieri. …I know it’s late but… I don’t know why I’m calling you. I told myself I’m feeling nostalgic, but I think I’m just feeling lonely to be honest with you. I know you’re a busy guy, I know. I wouldn’t even be surprised if you never got this message. I shouldn’t be calling you like this, it’s unprofessional, but when have I ever been professional?”
I cough out, tapping out the stick on my chair and continuing. “I guess I started smoking again… I had a really bad day. It’s so scary seeing kids almost dying everyday. I shouldn’t be complaining to you out of all people… you know most how it feels.” I take another pause for a moment- my phone battery is low, I have a few minutes to finish up my ramble.
“I miss being your friend, I mean I considered myself as your friend. I know you said- you said Suguru was your only friend but I like to think we were all friends.
I don’t have many friends now. Sometimes I go drinking with Utahime, I feel like she thinks I don’t take life seriously. I don’t but I guess that’s because if I don’t take it seriously nobody will pity me when I’m hurt or miss me when I’m gone. That’s kind of stupid, but… it helps me sleep better at night. Anyways… I was thinking maybe we can hang out sometime? Have a coffee and cake? Call me back please.”
I pull down my phone to press send when I see my reflection looking back at me.
“Oh.”