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Daniel Ricciardo is thirty one years old and he can't even say that's no age at all. He's one of the older drivers on the grid now whether he likes it or not.
It's also his last year at Renault. He's going to McLaren next year.
It's been over a year since Spa. And Daniel thinks Charles has just about recovered from it. They went to Nice together a couple of times over the winter break. Charles had told Daniel after Spa that he goes whenever he gets the chance, to talk to Jules, tell him his news. He says it helps.
They've not had that much chance to go in the past few months, what with the global pandemic and all. And Daniel finds he's started to miss it.
He still tries his level best to keep his promise that he'd made way back in 2013. But Charles isn't a nervous rookie anymore, he's in his third year of F1 and his second as a Ferrari driver. And he doesn't seem to need Daniel anymore.
He's in a team with Sebastian for a start so Charles will normally go to him if he needs anything, which makes a lot of sense. But that doesn't stop it hurting a little bit because he feels like he's losing his grip on the one part of Jules he still has left. And Daniel knows it's selfish but it's still true.
Then Bahrain happens.
Nobody is expecting it. It is literally the last thing anyone expects to happen.
He doesn't really know what's happening when his engineer tells him there's a red flag because there's been a big accident.
And there's a car on fire.
Fuck.
It feels like Daniel's insides have dissolved.
He drives back to the pits. His engineer tells him it's Grosjean. He hit the barriers and his car burst into flames.
Fucking hell. How did that even happen? The cars weren't meant to explode. Not these days.
And Daniel is convinced that Romain is not going to walk away from that.
As soon as he's out of the car, his first thought is to find Charles. He completely ignores his team and sprints down to Ferrari, his eyes searching desperately for the younger driver.
He spots him pretty quickly, sitting on the ground next to his car, pulling at his hair, his eyes wild with panic.
‘Hey. Hey.’ Daniel crouches down in front of him and Charles looks up.
He lets out a stream of French that Daniel doesn't understand but it's pretty obvious that Charles is on the verge of having a panic attack.
‘Charles, look at me. It's okay.’ Daniel says, trying to quell his own anxiety. ‘I need you to breathe for me alright. Deep breaths, copy me.’
And he starts doing some of the breathing exercises he's been taught by his trainer and gradually Charles begins to mimic him and his breathing slows down.
‘Hey mate.’ Daniel says gently. ‘You're alright.’
‘I saw it.’ Charles chokes out. ‘In my mirrors. Fuck. It was a big one…’
He looks like he's on the verge of breaking down again when a Ferrari mechanic comes running out of the garage.
‘He is out.’ the man says breathlessly. ‘He is okay. He walked away.’
Daniel stares at the man, dumbfounded. He must be mistaken. That's not possible.
‘How?’ he demands.
‘I do not know’ says the mechanic. ‘ He must have had un angelo custode.’
And Daniel’s Italian is good enough that he understands that.
‘A guardian angel.’
He catches Charles' eye and knows he's thinking the same thing.
Jules
Logically, Daniel knows it's the Halo that saved Romain. He knows that. But even so. It's a miracle.
It's a comfort to him so he knows it must be to Charles too, feeling like his godfather is still with them, watching them. Just always one lap ahead.
They're going to restart the race. Danny is so sure he's misheard the FIA official that he makes the man repeat himself. Because frankly, what the fuck?
He's still down at Ferrari, and Charles, who is sitting on the ground next to him, looks slightly alarmed at the idea of starting the race again.
Danny holds out a hand and hauls Charles to his feet.
‘I know this sounds impossible,’ he says. ‘But you need to not think about Romain or you will never get back in the car. And you need to finish the race ok?’
Charles nods, and sets his jaw, determination written all over his face.
‘I will find you when we're done.’ Danny says. ‘We can talk properly then. But for now, keep your head down and get the job done.’
‘Sure.’ Charles replies, and he turns to go back into the garage. But before he does, glances back at Danny with a funny little smile on his face.
‘Go easy out there.’
Danny's heart contracts and he manages a smile back.
‘No chance.’
***
Danny finds Charles after the race, and after the press is done for the evening. They meet outside the Renault garage, and Danny is relieved to find that Charles looks a lot better now. Tired, sure, but a lot calmer, not like he's on the brink of a mental breakdown.
‘Hey mate.’ Danny says, leaning over to hug him. ‘How you feeling?’
‘Better.’ Charles shrugs. ‘Still a bit shaky.’
He holds his hand out to demonstrate and there's a slight tremor to it, even when he's holding it still.
‘They say Romain's going to be fine.’ Daniel comments as they cross the paddock to leave. ‘It's such a relief, I still can't believe it.’
‘I know. This is going to stop any arguments about the Halo. It saved his life.’
Charles chews on his lip and Daniel can almost read his mind.
It could have saved Jules.
And he's right. They all know the Halo would have drastically improved Jules’ chances of surviving his accident. It hurts to know that. But it's also comforting to know he’s actually saved numerous other lives. Charles included.
‘Come on bud.’ Daniel says, throwing an arm around his shoulder. ‘Let's go get something to eat and then head back to the hotel yeah?’
***
And they do.
They eat takeout burgers, and Danny makes them tea and then Charles passes out on Danny's bed. Danny doesn't have the heart to wake him up, so he finds some spare blankets in the closet and creates a makeshift bed on the couch before texting Seb to tell him Charles is with him. Ferrari will go spare if they think he's missing. Then he falls asleep himself.
He's woken a few hours by a blinding light penetrating the pitch darkness of the hotel room. Danny blinks, disoriented, and tries to figure out the source of the light.
Then he realises it's Charles. He's sitting cross legged on the bed, still wearing the jeans and t-shirt he fell asleep in, his phone screen illuminating his face as he scrolls frantically. Danny checks the clock on his own phone and winces. It's 3am, he's barely been asleep for two hours.
‘Charlie?’ Daniel says, sitting up properly and rubbing his eyes. ‘It's three in the morning mate, what are you doing?’
Charles looks away from the screen and blinks at Daniel with unfocused eyes.
‘I woke up, and then I just kept thinking about the accident and everything so I started reading articles and it's…’
He trails off and makes a little choked off sob.
‘It could have saved him Danny.’ he thumps the pillow in frustration. ‘The Halo could have saved his life. And he'd still be here.’
Danny sighs, he should have known this was coming, that Charles would torture himself with ‘what if's’.
‘Just stop looking at the articles mate. It won't do any good. We can't change what happened but we can make sure it doesn't happen again. He didn't die for nothing.’
Charles sighs but switches off his phone screen so the room is plunged into darkness again, and Danny hears the rustle of the bedclothes as he lies back down.
Then he goes quiet for a while and Danny wonders if he's fallen asleep again but then Charles’ voice comes out of the darkness, and he sounds younger than usual.
‘I miss him so much.’
‘I know.’ Danny says into the darkness. ‘I know, I miss him too. You wanna know something though?’
‘Mm?’
'He loved you Charles. He loved you so damn much, I cannot emphasise that enough, never shut up about you actually, kinda annoying really.’
Charles laughs at this and then goes silent again, Danny waits for him to speak.
‘Do you think he knew?’ Charles asks finally. ‘How loved he was? So many people loved him.’
Danny thinks for a minute, remembering all the times that you couldn't get to Jules for people wanting to talk to him, the party in Monaco after his Marussia points when half the paddock showed up.
‘He knew.’ Danny says quietly. ‘He really did.’
‘I'm glad.’ Charles murmurs and Danny thinks he must be falling asleep. ‘He deserved that.’
***
Daniel doesn't know how he manages to fall back to sleep again but somehow he does, his mind playing him a slideshow of memories, jumbled together.
Racing dirt bikes with his friends back in Perth, his first time at a go kart track, Jules laughing at him with bright shining eyes, hugging Charles after his win in Monza last year. Pieces of Daniel's life, crammed haphazardly together inside his head. This precious, beautiful life he's made for himself. And it's these thoughts that finally allow him to drift off.
He wakes with a start to his alarm going off. He's definitely not had enough sleep and his head hurts like hell from it. He opens his eyes, and looks around to see the balcony doors open and the sun streaming in.
Charles isn't in the bed, so Daniel guesses he must be out on the balcony. He gets up, stretches and pads over to the sliding glass doors.
Sure enough, Charles is there sitting on one of the balcony chairs with his knees drawn up to his chin, scrolling through his phone, a half drunk cup of coffee on the table in front of him.
‘Hey champ.’ Daniel says, leaning against the door frame. ‘You doing okay?’
Charles startles at the sound and looks up. There's dark circles beneath his eyes and he looks pale. Daniel guesses he didn't sleep much.
‘Shit, did I wake you?’ Charles asks. ‘I woke up again and I couldn't get back to sleep so I came and sat out here…’
‘It's fine.’ Daniel waves a hand. ‘My alarm just went off, it's just gone eight.’
Charles groans and scrubs a hand across his eyes.
‘It's eight already? Seriously?’
'Yeah.’ Daniel says. ‘How long have you been out here mate?’
‘Couple hours. God I lost track of time.’
Daniel considers this for a moment, clearly Charles isn't doing well at the moment, and he really doesn't know how to help him. But he thinks he knows someone who does.
‘It's okay.’ he says. ‘Listen, you go take a shower and get changed, you'll feel better. There's some spare clothes of mine in the wardrobe you can borrow. I'll order us some breakfast and another coffee. Sound good?’
‘Sounds great.’ Charles says with a smile before he slides off his chair and disappears back inside.
As soon as Daniel hears the door of the ensuite close, he takes his phone from his pocket and calls Seb.
Sebastian picks up on the third ring.
‘Hey Daniel. Everything alright?’
And at the sound of his calm, reassuring voice, Daniel relaxes.
‘It's fine, I guess. It's just…Charles.’
'What about him?’ Seb asks patiently.
‘He's a mess Seb, he's been up all night pretty much and he's not taken Romain’s accident at all well. It's just dredging up the past for him.’ Daniel says all in a rush.
Seb sighs, and Daniel can practically hear him thinking.
‘You're not responsible for him Daniel.’ he says eventually. ‘I think the sooner you realise that, the better it will be.’
‘But I promised Jules….’ Daniel begins to protest but Seb cuts him off.
‘This isn't what he would have wanted. You trying to shoulder all Charles’ grief as well as your own. I knew Jules too, and that's the last thing he'd want.’
Daniel knows he's right, that he can't fix all Charles’ problems, no matter how much he wants to.
‘What do we do?’ he asks Seb.
‘Right now? I'm going to come get him. What hotel are you guys at again?’
Daniel tells him, Seb says he’ll be there in a couple of hours and they hang up.
Daniel orders room service breakfast and two strong coffees and is sitting on the balcony with them when Charles emerges from the ensuite. He looks better, dressed in one of Daniel's Enchante t shirts and shorts and his hair is fluffy from the shower.
He takes one look at the spread of breakfast food in front of them, and instantly digs in. Daniel is pleased that he's at least got an appetite if nothing else.
‘Better?’ he asks Charles.
Charles nods and swallows the bite of Danish pastry he's just taken.
‘Yeah, much better, thanks.’
‘Seb's gonna come pick you up.’ Daniel explains. ‘You're both heading back to Maranello right?’
Charles frowns but nods.
‘Yeah but why did you call Seb? I could have just got a cab to the airport.’
‘I'm worried about you kid.’ Danny says, deciding honesty is the best policy. ‘I didn't fancy just letting you go off alone. Much rather know you're with someone.’
And to his surprise, Charles nods in agreement and Daniel is relieved.