Work Text:
"Scene 45. You will be in this position"
Hao stood up tensely while rubbing his cold hands. Standing in the middle of a crowd of people who organize themselves in each job. People chatted with each other while muttering words on the thick white paper in each other's hands. Recite the script so they can remember easily. Acting is one of Hao's special abilities, which he has developed since childhood. Little Hao asked why these actors were willing to play fake humans just for entertainment. But adult Hao thought this was a bit of fun. As time went by, Hao got deeper into it until he was swept away by the charm of acting. He can use many roles flexibly even though he still has a cameo. Pioneering to become a famous actor, this step is a matter of pride for Zhanghao. Zhanghao's nerves excite with the command. Many great actors gathered in this village to make the film. They discuss what they are supposed to do with their acting. Zhanghao feels pressure on his shoulders. But as a figure came out of his eyes, he was relieved. They said another dream makes another small dream come true. And he is Actor Sung Hanbin who is unconsciously attractive to Zhanghao. He always admired him, looking at him as if he were the sun. Not in the way that he squints at him or that it makes Hao uncomfortable to look directly at Hanbin. More in the way that Hao basks in Hanbin's warm, glowing kindness. Zhanghao's eyes had this glint that only happened with Hanbin because he felt so safe with him. You know how the sun brings out the glow in your eyes? Like every time Hao looked at Hanbin. Sometimes he tries to glance at him for a second. With blushing cheeks and a fast heartbeat, Hanbin looks like a candle in the middle of this dark winter. The city has no sun for this decade or light from the sky. But Zhanghao found him. He makes his body warm with whisker dimple when he smiles. Hanbin is like the moon, a guiding figure in the darkness. Something so far up that Zhanghao cannot reach, yet so beautiful that he cannot help but admire. He want him, all for himself.
"We are ready too!"
Zhanghao steadyed his body as the director said it
"ACTION!"
From afar, Hao saw Hanbin doing the act. Hanbin must have a conversation with his 'friends'. End up bickering with each other and ending with loud, cheeky laughter. After a while as a cameo, Zhanghao must be walking like a pedestrian. He was swinging his legs over and over again. Right now, he almost bumps into other actors at this point. It's crowded with tons of humans. Zhanghao abrupts his movement by getting closer to Hanbin when it's not in the scenario.
'Please this time. If I'm just a cameo, at least I want to be with you once in my life'
As Zhanghao gets closer, Hanbin makes his body turn around with the others. Hao suddenly walks faster than before as his heart says, Don't go.
'No'
But Hanbin goes far more than he thinks. Hao tries to search Hanbin from crowded people. People walk from side to side, from left to right, and vice versa. He narrows his eyes to focus until he doesn't care and people start to bump his body. As his vision caught a glimpse of Hanbin from his head and his blue coat, Hao made sure he took a big step forward until the snow beneath him created a thumping sound. A cold sweat dropped from Hao's head, trailing to his chin, as he and Hanbin had a long gap. Hanbin goes through the street and walks into one area. Zhanghao is running as fast as possible, although his body is nearly aching from fighting against the cold. Hao entered the area and found the chapel with some pedestrians walking by. There are trees and cars around them, blanketed with snow. Zhanghao breathes from his mouth to catch some oxygen. A scarf from his neck is just about to choke him right now. There are sprouts from his messy hair as he runs. Red paints his face as he fights between cold outside and inside body temperature. He saw men and boys, but none of them was Hanbin. He turned around, found his steps drawn below him, and for a second they disappeared. He connected the dots in his mind. He is looking for Hanbin. He is searching for Hanbin. But as his body burned with soreness, surrounding him is turning foggy, he realized. This entire scene is not real. No film set, no director, no acting. Time seemed to stop for a moment after he lost his Hanbin. This is how it turns out, right? This time his ego won; the proof is in front of his eyes. Hao thought he was wrong before. Maybe if he were still there, would he be with him? What used to be awkward at a table together? Maybe he could have moved his chair closer to him and had a warm conversation without pressure. His stomach is a little uncomfortable due to this strange atmosphere. It's like joining in mourning for the regrets he has made. He has a slight pain in his heart. Zhanghao is forever seeking his beloved one. But unfortunately, Hanbin decides to walk away without turning back. Even not choosing to know Zhanghao's appearance. Zhanghao thought that at least his hope could come true, but in fact the biggest one actually brought him down. Maybe his ambition are too big or Hanbin doesn't care. Maybe Hanbin has a lot of burdens, but it seems like Hao is the only one he can let go of. Zhanghao understand that love won't obey our expectations. Its mystery is pure and absolute. Raising his face, he screamed and cried until something broke in his throat and his voice became hoarse, yet still he continued, finally letting loose years of pain and anguish like a volcano, its emotion rushing forth in torrents of lava. The world felt like a blurry background, paused and waiting for him to get up, to fight, to do something. But it wasn't paused, and it would never wait for him to catch up. It will keep going until he dies, if he ever does.