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Xie Lian was laying down, his eyes glued on the ceiling. He had moved to that new place a few months ago, but he still didn’t have enough money to buy a proper bed so for now, he was still sleeping in his sleeping bag. It was the same he used a few years ago, when he was homeless, and there was some sort of comfort to it.
Hua Cheng had offered to buy him a mattress, of course, but Xie Lian had told him that he already had one. He had already done too much to him: he had welcomed him into his house for a whole year, had helped him find a decent job and this new apartment. He didn’t want to keep using him like that, and so he lied.
Of course, he knew that Hua Cheng had seen right through it, but he had been nice enough not to mention it. Instead, he continued to offer Xie Lian to sleep at his place, every single night.
Usually, Xie Lian said yes.
But not tonight.
Not tonight, because yesterday, while he was at San Lang’s place, laying on the couch as if he owned it, his head resting on San Lang’s lap, humming in content, the omega in him feeling safe, surrounded by his alpha scent, San Lang had dropped the bomb.
They had been watching a scary movie, in which a couple was being chased by a monster. They were running when suddenly, the woman fell on the floor, twisting her ankle in doing so. Instead of going back to help her, the man continued to run, leaving her to be devoured by the monster.
“Piece of shit,” Hua Cheng had said, while Xie Lian had laughed.
“Well, he probably didn’t like her that much.”
“That’s damn right, Gege. You must be such a piece of shit to let your beloved like that.”
“Ah, you wouldn’t do that, would you San Lang?” Xie Lian had teased, rubbing his cheek against San Lang’s thighs instinctively.
“No. My beloved is far too precious and I love them way too much. I would have put them on my shoulder and run with them in my arms.”
He had laughed, softly, while stroking Xie Lian’s hair a bit stronger than before. Xie Lian hadn’t laughed. He had stopped breathing, tears already forming in his eyes.
So here he was, now, laying on his bed that isn’t that much of a bed, dreaming of his alpha that wasn’t his alpha.
There was a wet spot on the ceiling, the memory of a leak that happened before Xie Lian moved in. He didn’t know if it was all his mind, but the spot seemed to be growing bigger each day. He probably should ask someone to check it.
Not San Lang.
Anyone but San Lang, because his San Lang had a beloved. He had dropped the news the night before, as if it was nothing, as if Xie Lian’s whole world hadn’t just collapsed.
It shouldn’t be a surprise, really. Hua Cheng was perfect. He was funny, smart, beautiful, and even famous. He was scary too, but protective with the ones he loved. He was the perfect alpha, on every single level.
Xie Lian… Well Xie Lian wasn’t the perfect omega, that was for sure. He was too odd, too old, too much. Hua Cheng knew about his past, the downfall of his family, of him, even his years living in the street. He never judged him for it, but he knew that it was part of why he would never be his mate.
Xie Lian never dated anyone. It wasn’t really a decision. When he was a teenager, he was to focus on his studies. Then, everything went down and he went deep into depression. After that, it was only surviving, until he reconnected with San Lang.
It wasn’t like a lot of people asked him out, anyway. He knew he wasn’t bad looking per say, but he didn’t put a lot of attention to his physical appearance. Years of isolation made it hard for him to talk with people. He never knew what to tell them, or what to say or not say.
With San Lang, it was easy. Hua Cheng was drinking every word he said, no matter how interesting or boring it was. He could talk about his teacher from fourth grade, and Hua Cheng would listen without even blinking his eye.
No. He needed to stop thinking about Hua Cheng.
Not a lot of people had asked him out during his years, but one did, and so he settled on that.
He finally stopped looking at the ceiling and took his phone out.
He typed his message fast, without reading a second time, and hit send.
Xie Lian
Hello Jun Wu ! How have you been ? :)
------------
San Lang was beautiful. He could be doing anything, and Xie Lian would swear he was the most beautiful man to ever walk on earth. For example, at that moment, he was connecting his new game to the TV. There was nothing sexy about it. He was cursing, complaining that it wasn’t working even though he was doing everything right. His hair kept falling in front of his eyes and he would push them back angrily. He had thrown off his eyepatch, claiming that he could see better like that, and Xie Lian had wanted to reach out and kiss his face. Now, he was reaching out behind the TV, his shirt slightly going up, revealing his stomach that Xie Lian would kill just to touch.
He was so damn sexy, and Xie Lian was starting to feel a little tangling inside his stomach.
“What is Gege thinking about?” San Lang asked, a grin slowly creeping on his face.
“That my next heat is coming up.”
They both looked awkwardly at each other, none of them having expected that, but Hua Cheng quickly brushed it off. There was nothing to be ashamed of, and Xie Lian knew for a fact that Hua Cheng had actually been keeping track of his heat, always making sure to take good care of him the week before and after that.
“Ah yes. Is Gege going to the same facility as last time?”
“I think so, yes. Do you think I can borrow your laptop?”
“Gege, you don’t need to ask,” Hua Cheng said, handing him his computer. “What is mine is yours.”
Xie Lian took the laptop without looking at him, hoping to hide his rosing cheeks in doing so.
His blush only darkened when he saw Hua Cheng’s wallpaper screen: a picture of the two of them, during their weekend at the beach for Xie Lian’s birthday. It had been a complete surprise and if he closed his eyes, he could still remember the way the hot sand felt between his toes. He had been so relaxed, and it had been so easy to pretend that they were a young couple, that Hua Cheng was his alpha.
“We should go back, sometimes,” San Lang said, as if he could read his mind.
“Not sure your beloved would appreciate that, San Lang.”
It was the first time he mentioned it since that night, and he felt Hua Cheng froze next to him. He pretended not to notice anything, and started his research.
His heat would start in approximately two weeks, and he had to book a room in one of the omega facilities. It wasn’t the best, as the conditions were pretty poor, but it was still better than spending his heat alone in his apartment. Safer, too, and most of all, free.
It didn’t make the week easier: spending a heat alone is something no one should go through. It’s not so much about having an alpha or not, but having someone that cares for you, that loves you. That was what was missing for him. The nurse would come back, check his vitals, give him food, but that was it.
Each time, he would cry and yell for San Lang to come, to erase the pain, but there was nothing to do. He cried so much, each time, that instead of being something positive, like for most omega, it was something he was scared of.
“Isn’t your heat in two weeks?” San Lang asked, his head resting on Xie Lian’s shoulder.
Xie Lian frowned. His heat was indeed in two weeks, but according to the info on the facility website, there weren’t any available for that time.
“I hope Gege knows he can stay there, if he needs to,” San Lang whispered, “This San Lang promises he won’t do anything to you.”
It should have made Xie Lian feel better, but that was not the case at all. Instead, he felt his heart tightened and his stomach dropped. He knew his scent was showing off how bad he felt, but he hoped Hua Cheng wouldn’t say anything.
“I wouldn’t want to bother you,” he whispered back. Why were they whispering?
“Never. I would feel better, even. I don’t like those facilities, Gege, you always seem more exhausted after.”
Xie Lian blushed furiously, but nodded. He couldn't spend his heat with Hua Cheng. He couldn’t. But what else could he do? He couldn’t just stay at his place, where the door didn’t even close correctly.
“It’s not the best, that’s for sure,” Xie Lian finally said after some time. “But there’s someone to cook for me and make sure I’m still alive, so that’s great! A bit cold, but nothing that I can’t manage.”
He laughed, but Hua Cheng didn’t follow him. He kept his gaze on the screen, though Xie Lian couldn’t see him.
“You’re cold? During your heat?”
“Oh you know, it’s a lot of…Feelings… You’re supposed to regulate thanks to the nest and to your… Alpha. But I don’t have either of those.”
This time, Hua Cheng straightened up, looking extremely confused.
“What do you mean?” Hua Cheng asked.
“What?”
“What do you mean you don’t have a nest?”
“Hm? Oh, well, you need to bring your own things, if you want to nest.”
“And you don’t bring anything?”
“No, not really.”
“Why?”
“Haha, San Lang, you know this Gege! I’m very minimalist, I don’t like to own too many things. It’s better for the mind.”
It wasn't true. None of it. He didn’t bring anything because he didn’t have anything to bring.
He didn’t want to worry him. He was also feeling ashamed of his own situation. Building a nest was something important: you usually build a nest for you and your alpha to lay down in. The better the nest, the better the omega.
He could see how angry Hua Cheng looked and he felt his cheeks burning up. He had made his San Lang angry, by how useless he was.
He closed the computer, not taking the time to look at other facilities.
“It’s getting late,” he finally said, getting up from the couch. “I should go home.”
“Gege can sleep here,” San Lang immediately said, but his scent was still hard and angry.
“Ah no, don’t worry, San Lang.”
“Let me at least walk you home.”
“No, no, stay there, it’s too cold outside.”
He didn’t wait for an answer and immediately went for the door, not even bothering to put his coat on.
He was barely outside of the building when he heard his phone buzzing. He thought it was San Lang, (he hoped it was him), but his heart dropped again when he saw that it wasn’t.
Jun Wu
Hello Xie Lian.
I’m fine. How are you ?
------------
Talking with Jun Wu was not easy. Perhaps it was the age difference, but all his texts seemed cold, and Xie Lian was ready to give up at any moment.
They had met a long, long time ago, back when Xie Lian's parents were still alive and well. He was working with his father at that time, and he had made it clear that he was interested in mating with him.
Xie Lian’s father had been so happy that he had almost agreed right on the spot.
Of course, Xie Lian said no. He had present two years before, and while doing so, all his rights had been taken away from him. The company, that he was to inherit one day, was now going to his cousin. He had been forced to drop from martial arts. His parents hired people to follow him around, to make sure nothing bad happened. He was asked not to see his friends anymore, given that they were alphas. His parents didn’t want him to bring more shame to the family, they had said. As if he had chosen this.
Male omega were rare. Not that rare that it was uncommon, but rare enough that his mother passed out when he presented.
Other than that, he simply hadn’t felt a connection with Jun Wu. The man was boring, and he always talked to him as if he was his father, giving him advice when he never asked him to.
Xie Lian shocked his head, refusing to listen to his own mind.
More than ten years had passed. He wasn’t the same, far from that. It must be the same, for Jun Wu.
Xie Lian
It’s nice talking to you !
It really wasn’t.
Maybe we could go for a coffee someday ? :)
Jun Wu :
I usually go for omegas a bit younger, actually.
And woman.
Xie Lian looked at the screen, not sure of what to do with those informations. He knew he was a bit too old, and that male omegas were rare and not that much liked, but Jun Wu had seemed to mind, back then.
Also, he didn’t mention it to be a date, but he chose to close his eyes on that part.
Xie Lian :
Ah well, I can’t do anything about that, sadly.
Jun Wu :
I know.
Such a shame.
But I’m sure we can make it work.
Would you be available Friday night?
No, no, no. He didn’t want to, he really, really didn’t want to.
Xie Lian
Yes :)
------------
Xie Lian didn’t have any nice clothes to put on. Jun Wu had insisted on choosing a very expensive restaurant, and had asked Xie Lian to dress “nicely” . Xie Lian had been offended, but he hadn’t said anything.
He was ready to mate. San Lang would never be his, and his choice was getting more and more limited. Jun Wu had a good situation, he was beautiful, and in some way, they even had his parents benediction. He couldn’t ask for more. He wasn’t really in a position of being picky.
He wasn’t looking for someone to support him financially. Thanks to Hua Cheng, he had found a job at the bank as a customer care. It was a nice job, that paid decently and that didn’t expect anything crazy from him.
Yes, he wasn’t rolling on money. But he was good, and soon, he would be able to buy himself a real bed, and maybe a couch. And when he has enough money, he will take San Lang on a trip, under the sun.
He was looking for someone to care for him, and for him to take care of. Soon, Hua Cheng wouldn’t be there for him anymore, and he knew he couldn’t go back to this loneliness. He had spent so much time alone, he couldn’t do it anymore, not again, not after having been so happy with San Lang. If he did -
“Gege, there’s smoke coming from the pan.”
He snapped out of his thoughts immediately and yes, indeed, the food he was making was all burned out now.
“Oh, sorry!”
He quickly reduced the fire and went to the fridge to pick up some sauce. He could still save it. Probably.
“You seem distracted, Gege, is it about your… heat?”
“No, no, nothing of that sort,” Xie Lian brushed out, shaking his head. Ah, yes, he still had this issue to fix.
“What is it, then? Something I can help with?”
“I, uh, I have a date,” he said, adding more sauce to his plate. It still didn’t look great. In fact, it looked even worse than before.
“Oh,” San Lang said, “That’s… Surprising.”
Xie Lian frowned. He couldn’t read Hua Chang’s expression, nor could he understand his scent. He also didn’t understand what was so surprising. He was an unmated omega and yes, they never talked about it, but Hua Chang never mentioned he had a beloved before, so they were even.
“How so?”
“I didn’t know Gege was looking to date, that’s all,” San Lang mumbled.
His scent smelled…Sad, somehow. Yet when Xie Lian turned toward him, he already had a smile back on his face. Xie Lian knew him well enough to see that his eye wasn’t shining like it usually did, but he decided not to press. If San Lang didn’t say anything, then it probably wasn’t important.
“When is your date?”
“Tomorrow night. I… I was asked to dress nicely,” he admitted.
“Gege would look good in everything and nothing.”
Xie Lian blushed furiously and slapped Hua Cheng on the shoulder, which only made him laugh.
“What if I let you borrow some of my clothes?”
He wasn’t sure that Jun Wu would appreciate his date smelling like another alpha. Their friendship was already pretty unconventional, there was no point in rubbing it in Jun Wu’s face. He would probably feel like shit, if he saw how perfect of an alpha Xie Lian’s best friend was.
“No, no, San Lang, you’re too nice. I’m sure I’ll find something, don’t worry.”
“Alright but Gege, could this one ask you to come to my place, after your date? So you can tell me all about it and I can make sure you are alright?”
It seemed stupid. Xie Lian was strong and Hua Cheng knew that quite well. They practiced martial arts together every week or so, and more often than not, it was Xie Lian who ended up winning.
Still, the thought was nice and he ended up agreeing. This time, when Hua Cheng smiled back, it seemed a bit more sincere.
------------
Xie Lian didn’t find something to wear. In fact, he was supposed to leave his house in exactly twenty minutes, and he was still naked as the day he was born, tears forming in his eyes.
Nothing fit him and the only clothes that did were wornoff. Even his suit, that was way too formal but that he still tried nonetheless, was old enough that the colors were fading away.
He couldn’t even get his hair right, and the more he tried, the worst it looked. He was this close to simply cutting everything out when his phone rang, San Lang’s name appearing on the screen.
Oh, how much easier would it have been, if he was preparing for a date with him. He didn’t want to go and see Jun Wu, no matter how much he tried to convince himself. If he was with San Lang, they would have gone to a cozy place that Hua Cheng would have chosen based on his favorites dishes. It would have been quiet, intimate, and they would have talked about everything and laughed until crying, like they always did.
But he didn’t have a date with Hua Cheng. He would never have that.
“Hi, San Lang,” he said, finally picking up.
“Hi Gege. I wanted to check on you before you date.”
“Ah, that’s nice, thank you. I’m actually still getting dressed. I’m a bit nervous, to be honest.”
“You have no reason to be nervous. If he doesn’t like you, then it means he doesn’t have any taste. Gege is the most beautiful person on earth.”
He was glad they weren’t facetiming, because his face suddenly turned a new shade of red. It didn’t help that he was still naked, and that his body was reacting quite fast to what Hua Cheng was telling him.
“Call me if you have any issue, Gege. I mean it. I can be there in less than ten minutes, ok?”
“It will be alright, San Lang. I’ll come right after anyway.”
“Of course. And if… If Gege wants to spend the night with his date… I… Just texted me and let me know, alright?”
There was a long silence, during which neither of them did so much as breath, and finally Xie Lian hummed in answer. It didn’t even cross his mind that he could go home with Jun Wu. Having sex wasn’t such a special act anymore for most people, but for him it was the final act of love. It was something that you shared with the love of your life, after days and weeks of love. But what if Jun Wu expected that from him? Could he simply say no? Wouldn’t he ruin their relationship?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m really stupid, I just wanted… I’m here if you need me, that’s all I wanted you to know.”
“Thank you, San Lang,” he simply said, his throat closing up.
“Have fun, Gege.”
They stayed on the phone a bit longer, none of them talking. There was so much Xie Lian wanted to tell him. He wanted for San Lang to tell him not to go, that he loved him and that he had already forgotten his beloved, whoever they were. And he wanted to answer back and to tell him that he was the best alpha anyone could ask for. That if he had to make love with someone, he wanted it to be with him, always him. That he would try, as hard as he could, to be a respectable omega, so that he could be proud to call him his mate.
Yet, they stayed silent, and soon, Xie Lian hung up.
He only had five more minutes before being late, so he took the nicest clothes he could find, put them on, and didn’t even take a single look in the mirror before leaving his apartment.
------------
As Jun Wu had said, the place was expensive. Xie Lian felt absolutely out of place, and it didn’t help that when Jun Wu spotted him, he looked at him from head to toes with a frowning expression on his face.
Still, he hadn’t commented, and he had asked Xie Lian to sit in front of him.
If Xie Lian didn’t look much like he did when he was younger, the same wasn’t true for Jun Wu. He still looked the same, though his hair was a bit more grey than before. He was still handsome, Xie Lian could give him that. His scent, though, smelled terribly bad.
“It’s been so long, Xie Lian,” he finally said. “When was the last time we saw each other? At your parents' funeral, maybe?”
Ah. Yes. That was exactly how Xie Lian wanted to start the conversation.
“Uh, yes, probably,” he smiled. “It’s been a long time, then!”
“Yes, a lot of years have passed, have they not?”
“Yes, but you still look exactly the same.”
It was a real compliment and yet, Xie Lian felt like throwing up the moment it passed his lips. It felt so wrong to compliment another alpha.
“I can’t say the same for you. What happened to you, Xie Lian? You seem… Different.”
Xie Lian bit down his lips and looked at the menu to put some distraction on his mind. He was embarrassed. He could feel Jun Wu’s stare, burning into his skeleton. Did he look so different? Did he look so… Off ? He felt like he was decent. Maybe not the most beautiful, as Hua Cheng liked to claim, but he felt good. Was he mistaken?
“Ah, well, life has been… Quite intense, I would say. But I’m good now.”
“Hm,” Jun Wu said. “See, this is why omega shouldn’t work. It puts too much pressure on you, and you end up aging faster. Did you know that some studies show that it can make you less fertile?”
“I… Didn’t, no.”
“Do you want children, Xie Lian?”
“I don’t know. Yes. Probably.”
“Yes or no, it’s a simple answer.”
Jun Wu was smiling at him, but Xie Lian didn’t smile back. They didn’t even order yet, and he was already looking at the time. This wasn’t working. It was definitely not working. All things considered, he would rather die alone than to put up with someone like him.
“Ah, forgive me, Xie Lian. It’s just… You know I always had a crush on you. It makes me sad, to see that you didn’t have the life you deserved. Don’t you ever think about how things would have been different if you had accepted my proposal, all this time ago?”
There was a time where he did. When his parents died, when everything went to shit, he thought “if I had said yes, maybe everything would have been different” . But before Hua Cheng mentioned his beloved, he hadn’t. Maybe he didn’t have the life he deserved, but he loved his life quite well how it was. He thought to himself that any life, with San Lang by his side, was the exact life he wanted.
“Not really, no,” he finally said. “I had a difficult life, but I’m very happy with it. It made me who I am today, and I’m proud of myself.”
Jun Wu didn’t seem to have expected that answer, his lips turning white with how hard he bit into them. Somehow, it made Xie Lian happy.
“It’s great, Xie Lian. I’m glad for you.”
They’ve finally ordered, Xie Lian going for the less expensive dish, and they waited in silence for the food to come. They didn’t have a lot in common, so finding a subject to talk about was quite difficult.
It was only once the food arrived that Jun Wu started talking about.
“You’ll see, this restaurant has the best food. I come here quite often.”
“Ah, it does look good! I’m always amazed by how talented some people are when it comes to cooking.”
“Do you like to cook?”
“Oh, I do, but most of the time, I’m this close to starting a fire.” Xie Lian said with a soft smile. “It always tastes good to me, but it seems that no one can stomach it.”
Except for San Lang, he didn’t add.
“And what do you plan on doing about that?” Ju Wu said.
Xie Lian frowned, not sure to understand what Jun Wu expected of him.
“I'm sorry, I don’t - What do you mean by that, exactly?”
“Well, you’re an omega, Xie Lian, you’re supposed to cook for your alpha. So, how do you plan on getting better at that?”
“I- hm… Well… I could… Take some classes?”
He played with the napkin on his laps, his fingers holding on the fabric until they turned white. He breathed out when Jun Wu hummed, apparently satisfied with his answer.
“Good. It’s important, you know.”
“It is, I guess.”
Jun Wu wasn’t wrong on that part. Hua Cheng was nice enough to put up with him and his experiments, but his friends never did, and his alpha probably wouldn’t. Maybe he could take some classes, once he will have enough savings.
“I wanted to ask: what made you text me again after all this time?”
“Oh. I don’t… I don’t know. I thought it would be nice.”
He was very much wrong on that.
“Hm,” Jun Wu said, a smirk appearing on his face. “And here I was, thinking that maybe you were looking to settle down and find yourself some nice alpha to take care of you.”
Xie Lian tried to laugh, but it came out like an ugly cry that made Jun Wu grimaced.
“No, none of that! It was just…” he sighed. “I thought it would be nice. That’s all.”
They continued to eat with Jun Wu making most of the conversation alone. He was talking about his job and how much money he made. How many houses he owned and how many cars he owned, and how perfect and rich he was. It was probably not what he said, but that was all Xie Lian could hear.
When they finally finished their dinner (after Xie Lian declined to have dessert, thank you very much), Xie Lian insisted on paying his part. Jun Wu seemed absolutely revolted, getting so angry that even the waitress seemed scared, but in the end, he left Xie Lian do as he wanted.
He had seemed like he wanted to walk Xie Lian back to his apartment, so Xie Lian was quick in saying his goodbye, not leaving him the time to ask. He started to walk back to San Lang’s place, his steps becoming faster and faster as the time went on. If he could listen to himself, he would all but run back to San Lang.
Jun Wu wasn’t a good match for him. In fact, he was completely the opposite of what he was looking for. He was arrogant, self-centered, and he had the ability of making Xie Lian feel like shit, everytime he opened his mouth.
He wasn’t wrong on everything, though, and he had been right in some of the things he said.
If Xie Lian wanted a good mate, he needed to put some effort into it. He needed to act more like an omega, to learn things that omega were supposed to know. He would never be able to have someone like San Lang, but maybe if he tried enough, he could have someone a bit better than Jun Wu. Someone in the middle.
“San Lang, I’m home!”
He breathed in as soon as he stepped inside the apartment. It smelled nice. So fucking nice. He was home, truly.
Getting out of the kitchen was San Lang. He had his gray pants that made him look so good, and a red sweatshirt that would be perfect for Xie Lian’s nest. How could his beloved not love him? San Lang was the walking definition of perfect.
“How was your date, Gege?”
“Oh, great! It was great!”
Hua Cheng looked at him intensely, and Xie Lian knew he had seen right through his lie. Of course he had.
They didn’t say anything, but they both walked toward each other and as soon as they were close enough, Hua Cheng put him against his chest and held him tight. Xie Lian put his nose over San Lang scenting glands and hummed in happiness. It felt like home, and immediately, his whole body relaxed.
“It wasn’t that great,” he whispered, his voice muffled by Hua Cheng’s body.
“Did he hurt you?” San Lang asked.
The air around them immediately changed and Xie Lian could smell the angriness rising in Hua Cheng’s scent.
“No, no, San Lang, he didn’t… He didn’t really do anything. We were just… It wasn’t a match, that’s all.”
He felt San Lang lips on his hair and he all but melted under it.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Can we go to bed? I’m tired.”
San Lang nodded and took him by the hand, guiding him toward his own bedroom. He always insisted on leaving his bed to Xie Lian, ignoring his protests. Tonight, though, Xie Lian didn’t say anything and simply let himself be tucked into bed.
When the night went off, San Lang dropped one last kiss on his cheek before whispering in his ear.
“I’m right there, Gege. Always.”
Xie Lian didn’t answer. He put his head face down on San Lang’s pillow and used his scent to relax.
When he woke up the next day, he felt even more tired than the night before. More than that, he was embarrassed at having to face San Lang again, and having to tell him what happened during the date. He knew his San Lang : he would never, ever say anything remotely hurtful to him. Still, having to admit to your crush that other alpha think you are a less than nothing omega isn’t a pleasant experience.
After lamenting for a few more minutes, he finally got out of San Lang’s bed, already missing the smell of it. How good would it be, to nest here during his heat?
“Gege,” San Lang said, smiling fondly when he saw him walking in the kitchen. “I’ve made breakfast!”
“It smells so good, San Lang.”
It did smell good, and while it was enough to make Xie Lian’s stomach growl, it also felt like a punch in the chest. He remembered Jun Wu’s words from the night before. If he wanted Hua Cheng to love him, he should have been the one waking up early to cook for him!
“What’s up with your face, Gege?”
Hua Cheng had walked up to him without Xie Lian noticing, and he was now only a few inches away from him. He spoke to him gently, almost like a whisper, and when he brushed some of Xie Lian’s hair away from his face, Xie Lian all but stopped breathing.
“It’s nothing,” he hurried to say. “Do you need help?”
Hua Cheng didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push any further. He walked back to the stove and started flipping the pancakes.
“No need. Sit down and enjoy.”
He did as he was told, sitting on the chair with his foot on it, leaving him half bent in half.
“Can you set up a timer for the tea, please?” San Lang asked.
“Of course!”
Xie Lian took his phone out, ready and happy to help, but it all disappeared when he saw the text on his screen.
Jun Wu had texted him again.
Jun Wu :
Last night was great.
Are you available next week for a second date?
I’m extremely busy, but I can ask my secretary to clear a night out for you.
Xie Lian looked at the screen again, frowning. It hadn’t been a great night at all. Quite the opposite.
He wanted to say so to Jun Wu, but at the same time, a small voice in his head was telling him, once again, that perhaps it would be his only chance to ever be mate.
When had being mate became such an urgent matter for him? He was independent, always had been. He had spent years alone, and he wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t that unhappy. Of course, being with San Lang, he discovered again how good it felt to have someone. But what if he didn’t? Was it that bad?
While he hated Jun Wu, he wasn’t completely wrong. Xie Lian was not a good omega. In fact, he was a terrible omega : too independent, too strong physically, too bad at too many things. Of course he wouldn’t get any alpha. And maybe it was ok. Maybe he was just meant to be alone.
Who knew. Maybe San Lang’s beloved, beta or omega, was such a nice person that they would agree for Xie Lian to stick around, just a bit longer.
“How long has it been, Gege?”
“Uh?”
Shit, he had completely forgotten to set the timer!
“I’m sorry San Lang, I… I was…I’m sorry. I think it’s been three minutes? Maybe five?”
“It’s ok. The tea will be a little strong, pray you will forgive me,” San Lang said with a smile.
“I should be the one being sorry, San Lang. I’m sleeping at your place, in your bed, while you’re making me breakfast and I can’t even keep track of the timer. Really, it’s a miracle you still want me at your place.”
Hua Cheng frowned furiously, his scent taking an angry smell.
“Gege should never say something like that. I love having you here. I love making you breakfast, and I love having you sleep in my bed.”
The last part made Xie Lian blushed, first, and then it made him feel guilty, because Hua Cheng didn’t mean it like that.
“San Lang is too good, but I need… I should work on that, if I want to find an alpha.”
“Any alpha would be blessed to have you as their mate, but none of them deserve you,” San Lang said. He had stopped cooking and he was now kneeling on the floor, his hands resting on Xie Lian’s knees. “I think you are the best person someone could ask for. Being an omega doesn’t mean that you should do certain things. It only means that the man or woman that will be lucky enough to be your alpha should protect you and love you immensely.”
Xie Lian couldn’t speak. Hua Cheng was looking at him, his eye glued on him as if nothing else mattered in the whole world, and Xie Lian wanted to believe him so badly.
He gathered his courage and spoke again, his voice only a whisper.
“I… I think San Lang’s beloved is really lucky.”
“I don’t know, Gege, do you feel lucky?”
Xie Lian frowned, his mind blurred. He thought he understood what San Lang was saying, but certainly he was mistaken. What did he mean by that? What was he trying to say?
He didn’t have time to ask, because in an instant, Hua Cheng was back on his feet, his back facing Xie Lian.
“I’m sorry,” he said. His scent smelled like fear, and Xie Lian hated it. San Lang should never smell like that. “I… I know Gege doesn’t see me like that, and I would -”
“San Lang.”
“I hope this will not change our relationship-”
“San Lang!”
“And that you know I would never… Never do anything that could hurt you.”
‘San Lang, look at me!”
An omega giving an order to an alpha. How unconventional was it? If it had been Jun Wu, he would probably have slapped him in the face, and Xie Lian would have answered by kicking him. But it was San Lang, and San Lang was… He was everything Xie Lian could ever have asked for.
He turned around, facing Xie Lian, his eye looking at him with no emotion at all. He was waiting, as if Xie Lian was about to deliver the final straw.
“Who is your beloved, San Lang?”
“You know who it is.”
“But could you say it? Please?”
San Lang took a deep breath, yet he held Xie Lian’s stare, even more intensely than before.
“You, Gege. You are the one that I love.”
“But I’m a terrible cook,” Xie Lian said.
“You are creative with your food, I love it.”
Xie Lian took a step closer to Hua Cheng.
“I’m too strong. I’m always winning against you when we fight.”
“I wouldn’t say always, Gege. But this one loves how muscular you are.”
Another one.
“I lived in the street.”
“Because you are strong. Most people would have died, if they were you.”
This time, it was Hua Cheng who came forward.
“I don’t have any money.”
“I have too much of it. We could share.”
“I don’t want to depend on you. Or anyone.”
“You won’t, but your burden is my burden, and if you accept my help, I’ll give it to you;”
They were face to face, now, so close that Xie Lian could feel San Lang’s breath on his face. They’ve never been so close, so intimate, and his heart was going crazy, ready to burst out at any moment.
“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” he whispered.
“Me neither,” San Lang admitted. “But this… This is the only thing I would change about you.”
Hua Cheng was the one to close the distance. Gently, he put his lips on Xie Lian’s, applying just the minimum amount of pressure for it to be considered a kiss. When they parted ways, San Lang was looking at his face, searching for any kind of discomfort.
He didn’t have time to see anything because next thing he knew, Xie Lian was pushing himself against him, kissing him like his life depended on it. San Lang smiled and opened his mouth, letting Xie Lian push his tongue inside of it.
“I love you,” San Lang said, breaking the kiss to do so.
Xie Lian couldn’t answer, the lips already back on him, but he grabbed San Lang’s by the hair and pushed him even closer to him.
He always thought that he would be terrible at kissing, and maybe there wasn’t supposed to be so much teeth, so much drooling and so much hands everywhere, but he did a lot of things he wasn’t supposed to in his life, and each time, Hua Cheng seemed to love him even more for it.
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Xie Lian
Hi Jun Wu !
Sorry for not answering before : my alpha kept me quite busy today. He wouldn’t let me come close to the kitchen, insisting that it was his job to keep me healthy.
How adorable is that?
Thank you for the invitation, but I will have to decline.
Have a good one!
“San Lang!” Xie Lian complained, looking at the text.
“What? It’s not even remotely as bad as what I wanted to send.”
Xie Lian could only even imagine. He closed his phone again and put it away. He sighed and pushed his face into San Lang’s neck, humming in happiness.
He hoped Jun Wu was having a heart attack while reading his text.