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Adda looked out the window of her chambers, watching the the streets of Tretogor. She knew the people were suffering. The landlords took too much and the common folk was starving, issues that were already a thing before the second war begun, but now it was worse than ever. She wished she could be a help, but she was very well aware that even though she was queen, she had no say in Redanian politics.
Eventually, she dragged her gaze away from the window and made her way to the gardens. She knew that the other Women at court would often talk behind her back, laugh and giggle about her interest in plants. As the time passed, she learned to ignore them.
It was a present for her Wedding. Her own personal garden, in which she'd spend the majority of her time in. She liked to talk about it. Her garden and the plants in it, what their names were and what they're used for, but she had no one to tell it to. Most relationships she had with people at court were superficial, not much depth to them. She had no interest in small talk, it was pointless, yet the others were not interested to share their interest or even go into greater detail of them. No one but the King. Radovid would often join her if he saw her in the garden. He wouldn't really say anything, he'd just simply watch the flowers and listen to her ramble.
She treasured these moments. They were quiet and peaceful, shielded from the horrors happening outside. But she was all too aware these moments wouldn't last forever.
There were times Radovid would lock himself up in his chambers, not speaking with anyone. He ignored every ones demands and hid from the world. The stress made his body sick, she knew that. And Philippa did also. She'd pretend not to when someone came by, but Adda knew that she paced the halls near The Kings Chambers relentlessly. If she was annoyed or worried, the Queen couldn't tell, but she figured it didn't really matter, because the sorceress never attempted to help him in any way.
It was told to her to just leave the grumpy monarch to it, that he would recover on his own. But for some reason, she couldn't.
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Adda walked through the woods. She didn't even remember how she managed to sneak away from her guards. She was kneeling on the ground and looking for the herbs she wanted to collect. She knew exactly which ones to take, she had read enough books and learned enough from herbalists. Leaves laid everywhere on the ground, and stuck to the Queens long white hair. It was harvest season, after all.
When her hair first started to lose color, Adda panicked. She may no longer be a Striga, but the curse left permanent marks on her body. She was rather fragile and got sick quickly, but at least the amulet the Witcher who had lifted the curse had given her, looked pretty.
"By Melitele.." she mumbled, as she tried to get the pieces out of her hair, while heading her way out of the woods. Before her frustration could take over, her eyes got caught on a bundle of buttercups growing on the edge of the forest. They reminded her of the buttercups back in the castle. They were everywhere. They grew on the stairs that led to the front gate and in all the gardens, including her own. However, that was in the summer. Not now when the flowers were starting to disappear. Before she could she could get stuck on the thought, the golden light stemming from the sunrise caught her eye, and reminded her that it was time to go home, if she wanted her little adventure to remain a secret.
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Here she was. Standing in front of the room she was supposed to have spent the night of her wedding in, but never did. Trying to figure out how to start this whole thing. Just as she was about to knock, the door opened.
Adda was greeted by a Man who looked like he hasn't slept in weeks, although she already expected that.
"What do you want?" Radovid asked, and she couldn't decipher the tone of his voice.
"You're not well, I want to help." she stated, and tried to suppress a giggle seeing the dumbfounded look on her husbands face. To her relief, he did not reject her offer. He stepped aside and let her enter his room, and then closed the door.
The Queen put the bag she had been carrying around on his nightstand and pulled out the oil she prepared. "I know you have trouble sleeping, I thought this may help" she told him, without dragging her gaze away from the oil phial. "Why are you doing this?" Radovid sighed, his gaze growing sterner again, but, Adda did not feel frightened. "I want to help." she said, her eyes still fixated on the phial in her hands. The man next to her did not answer at first, he just stared at her. And after something that felt like eternity to the woman, he gave in. A mumbled "fine" leaving his mouth.
"The herbs in the oil will make you sleep deeper, it helps with nightmares, and other stuff. Mostly struggles related to sleep, the doctors back home made it for me when I was younger, so I know it should work for sure." Adda stated, while the last part of her sentence came out a little hazily.
Bloody pictures flashing up in her mind. She should be past this, forget about it and move on. It wasn't her fault anyways, at least that's what her father always told her. That she didn't have a consciousness when it happened, but that never made her feel better. She was told she wouldn't remember anything from the time before she was human, but they were wrong. She used to hear them scream, back when she was younger. Their frightened and pained faces would hunt her in her sleep. The herbs helped and with time she could sleep peacefully again, but she still never forgot.
,,Where did you get that?" the man before her asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I got them from the woods, not far from the city." ,,But who got them for you? Was it Philippa?" ,,I just told you, it was me." And again, the King had that dumbfounded look on his face. ,,You.. sneaked away from the guards?" An uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. She was so worried about making the guards mad, she didn't even consider the King could be upset about her little 'misson'.
She started stuttering, not sure if she should lie to him or defend what she did. Her husbands quiet chuckle silenced her. ,,How clever.. I can't even leave this room without anyone knowing." Adda thought about if she ever heard him laugh before. She hadn't. ,,It was indeed not an easy thing to do. Getting away from these noisy guards." ,,I sure believe that" he smiled to himself, before he cleared his throat and faced her again. ,,and how do you use this?"
***
Late at night, when everyone was asleep, the white haired roamed the halls. She didn't struggle to sleep normally, but this night, she wanted to make sure her efforts would pay off. Maybe the herbs didn't work? What if they were too strong? Her mind was calmed however, when she heard a snore come from the sterns' room. And as she walked to her own chambers, she could swear she heard another persons relieved sigh coming from the shadows.
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Some Redanian nobleman was getting married, and of course they had to celebrate it here in Tretogor. Adda felt like this was a monthly routine by now. She looked down from the high table she sat on, to the woman getting married, who was trying her best to make the impression that she was enjoying this festivity. A bunch of men were dancing on the tables, already drunk even though the feast had just begun.
But that wasn't what bothered her, way more irritating was her husband, who sat beside her. An hour ago someone came by and whispered something in the kings ear, Adda figured it must have been a messenger, though he wasn't dressed like one would expect to dress themselves if their job was delivering information to the most powerful man in the north. Whatever news the stranger had, were apparently not much exhilarating, judging by how unconcentrated he had been ever since they had been delivered to him. Radovid's stern facade rarely crumbled, especially not in public. She was just about to ask, even though she knew she wouldn't get an answer, when he, - what some might call `jumped´ - out his seat, excused himself, and strode of to what appeared to be his chambers.
Dijkstra let out an dismissive huff while Philippa simply watched him walk away with a frown on her face, before she turned to face her the spymaster again, carrying on with their conversation.
The Queen stood up and followed him, ignoring the feeling of Philippa's cold eyes fixed on the back of her neck.
***
To her surprise, the door to Radovid's chambers was open, and she could hear him pace around the room.
Without much thinking, she entered the room. A Large room, full of reds and golds, big windows covered by thick curtains. Not far away from the bed that could probably fit four people, stood the King. His crown in one hand, and the other reaching out to the lute hanging on the wall, that the servants were never allowed to touch. His eyes red and glossy.
"May I?" she asked, and Radovid spun around, he seemingly didn't even hear her enter. ,,What?" his voice sounded hoarse.
His wife silently gestured to the bed. "oh uh..yes." Adda set down, and immediately slightly sunk into the soft mattress.
"I'm sorry" he said. So quietly it, almost sounded like a whisper. "For just leaving like that, I didn't mean to trouble you." Adda could see him fighting with himself not to start crying, hiding behind the curtain of his hair. She didn't mean for Radovid to feel like a burden, yet she found herself not sure what to say, so she did the only thing that brought her comfort when she was still little.
Radovid didn't understand at first. Seeing Adda softly reach out for him with her arms, looking at him with pity? no. Not pity. Rather, affection? He didn't mean to let the tears flow 'A King must never show weakness' that's what Pip had always told him. But he couldn't help it. He let himself fall on his knees, the crown landing on the furs spread out on the floor, and laid his head into the lap of the only person in this godforsaken place who seemed genuinely cared about him.
Adda did not ask. Did not try to dig further than what he was willing to share. She simply held him.
And so the stern King cried. Cried for his brother, whose life got taken away moments after he last spoke to him. He cried cried for his own freedom, forever stripped from him, getting chained to the golden spikes he had to wear upon his head. Cried for all the people who had died, and would continue to die in this stupid war. Cried for the man he wanted to be with every second in his life, whose voice he wanted to hear all day long, whose calloused fingers he wanted to feel entangled with his own again, with whom he wanted to be one again, the way they were back in the dark dusty shed. Cried because he could never prove himself to his love the way he wanted to. And then messenger told him that rumor has it that the Witcher's group had been attacked, and the guilt and pain were too much to bear.
He cried because the woman who was bound to this place just like he was, seemingly didn't mind the cold mask he forced himself to wear. Who didn't get fooled by it.
"You are..very warm" Adda said as she held him in her arms, and Radovid slowly calmed. Letting himself get lulled to sleep, by a warmth he hasn't felt in a long, long time.