Chapter Text
A series of incident reports filed or forwarded to the Headmistress by prefects Arthur Kirkland, Francis Bonnefoy, Yao Wang, and Basch Zwingli
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Fifth-Year Slytherin Prefect Arthur Kirkland
September 3
My sincere apologies for taking up your precious time, Professor, but I regret to inform you that third-year Gryffindor Kyle Kirkland and fourth-year Gryffindor Jett Kirkland have been caught with billywigs that they somehow smuggled in their trunks. I do not know when or how they obtained these, but Kyle claims that it was “to get better grades in Potions using fresh ingredients”. They have also informed me that several billywigs have apparently escaped containment, and they unfortunately are not lying this time, as I have just been stung by one. I will be heading straight to the hospital wing once these two troublemakers are under your watchful eye. A detention given for each offender.
Attached note from Head of House Professor Neville Longbottom: After Mr. Kirkland’s write-up, I discovered that Kyle and Jett additionally snuck in a dropbear. While this isn’t as dangerous as the creatures they brought last year, I will still be writing to their parents to inform them that regardless of their family’s status in owning a magical animal sanctuary, they are not to bring unauthorized animals beyond those listed in the yearly notices. The unicorn is more than enough.
Fifth-Year Slytherin Prefect Arthur Kirkland
September 5
Sixth-year Roderich Edelstein found wandering the dungeons. When questioned, he said he got lost looking for the bathroom. While I normally wouldn’t believe this sort of excuse, this is also Edelstein. Requesting that a castle map and possibly the buddy system be employed again this semester. No penalties administered.
Note from Headmistress Minerva McGonagall: Request approved, though why the accommodation wasn’t filed automatically needs to be investigated.
Yao Wang
25 September
Caught fifth-year Hufflepuff Väinämöinen with WWW fireworks in the fourth-floor hall. Wrote him up for breaking oath to buy from me and not from Weasleys’.
Note from Head of House Professor Neville Longbottom: Yao has been reminded that as a Prefect, he is subject to the same rules as everyone else, and that “fireworks and explosives” includes those made in China. And that it includes “dynamite”.
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Basch Zwingli
October 4
Feliciano wandered into Gryffindor House again for the third time this semester. Found by third-year Gilbert Beilschmidt in the latter’s bed come morning. Feliciano has no recollection of how he got there. Docked five points from Hufflepuff anyways.
Note from Head of House Neville Longbottom: I’ve done all I can. I’m no longer going to be surprised if he turns up in front of the fire or during roll call.
Note from Head of House Pomona Sprout: I’m not even going to bother anymore. I don’t know how he’s doing this and frankly it’s too early in the morning for this. If any other notes on this sort of thing are sent your way, Minerva, don’t bother forwarding them to me.
Francis Bonnefoy
12 October
Fifth-year Huflepuff Tino Väinämöinen caught with Skiving Snackboxes. Five points from Hufflepuff and a detention because I was deceived into eating a Nosebleed Nougat and ruined my new scarf.
Note from Madame Poppy Pomfrey: Those snackboxes are making the rounds again! With luck we have caught the culprit.
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Arthur Kirkland and Francis Bonnefoy
October 15
Fourth-year Ravenclaw Ethan Wang was discovered harboring a stash of “health potions” with questionable origins. Third-year Gryffindor Yi Ling Wang was spotted sneaking away with more of the illicit goods. Both were given detentions and five points deducted per culprit, and instructed to inform any buyers that the “health potions” were to be turned in to Madame Pomfrey immediately.
Suspicions of Yao Wang behind the goods, but cannot confirm.
Note from Head of House Filius Flitwick: Horace has already checked the contents of the potions, and it seems to be nothing more than a placebo. Mr. Wang has also been given a second detention. Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy reminded not to pin accusations until proven guilty, though I myself would not be surprised.
Note from Headmistress Minerva McGonagall: A schoolwide reminder not to take unknown potions will be issued tonight.
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Basch Zwingli
November 4
slytherin Luca Vissar attempted to sell sixth-year Ravenclaw Heracles Karpusi a Muggle artifact, a “cell phone”. Claims to have been bought off third-year Ravenclaw Eduard von Bock, but this claim could not be determined to be true or false. Detention.
Note from Muggle Studies professor Concordia Rowle: The type of phone Mr. Vissar had in his possession is very outdated. How he obtained it is of great interest, and I hope you don’t mind that I am keeping it for further study. I would like to know how it was smuggled into the castle and who exactly managed to do it, so please keep me informed of any similar cases.
Note from Headmistress Minerva McGonagall: Mr. von Bock has been transferred to a private course of study with Professor Rowle, and correspondence courses in Muggle computer programming have been arranged. An expert has also been called to verify that Mr. von Bock’s Wi-Fi system does not interfere with any protections on the school.
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Arthur Kirkland and Francis Bonnefoy
November 14
Third-year Gryffindor Alfred Jones, third-year Hufflepuff Matthew Williams, fifth-year Hufflepuff Ivan Braginsky, and fifth-year Hufflepuff Tino Väinämöinen given detentions and ten points docked each for turning the old third-floor corridor into their personal ice-boat track. Five points to third-year Gryffindor Ludwig Beilschmidt, fourth-year Hufflepuff Feliciano Vargas, and fifth-year Ravenclaw Kiku Honda for reporting extremely dangerous activity. Several other students were seen watching or participating, but were only given detentions for association.
Note from Headmistress Minerva McGongall: While an impressive feat, ice-boating in the hallways has been added to the list of banned activities at Hogwarts. Ice-skating and sledding have also been banned in the hallways, for good measure.
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Bonus
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Arthur Kirkland
December 26
A stash of alcohol was found in the old storage room next to the kitchens. Väinämöinen and fri-
Three Galleons per bottle for not ratting out the stash. When stash is depleted, compensation in the form of assistance with Transfiguration essays will be given. If one or more parties break this agreement, the breaker of the contract will have pimples appear in undesirable places for an unspecified period of time.
Signed,
Tino Väinämöinen
Mathias Densen
Arthur Kirkland
on December 25, 20xx, at 22:49
Witnesses: Lukas Bondevik, Emil Bondevik, David Lupei
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