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It takes Roy nearly a week to notice the postcard. Most correspondence that wasn’t digital went to his accountant, his agent or the club, so the post that came through his mail slot was usually just glossy ads or takeout menus for new places opening up around his neighborhood.
Because he isn’t a total slob, he’d pick up all the mail from the floor and put it on the table in the entryway. A few times a week he’d sort through it on the off chance something important somehow slipped in. Hence, the delay in seeing the postcard.
It’s got a typical tropical beach scene with the standard “Wish You Were Here” in cursive over the aqua blue of the ocean. When Roy turns it over, he feels like the writing is vaguely familiar, but it isn’t until his eyes drop to the bottom that he sees it’s from Jamie.
Hey Coach,
I know you said you didn’t want to tag along with the lads and me, but figured you might still want to see just what you’re missing out on.
Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually miss seeing your grumpy face every day. See ya soon!
Xx Jamie.
Roy can’t help the smile that ghosts across his face. Jamie had invited him along for the week to the Spanish coastline, but Roy thought it might be a step too far, if not for him and Jamie, then for the rest of the group who was going. He knows he and Jamie have an...unconventional player-coach-best-friend type of relationship. It works for the two of them, most of the time, but it probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to people outside looking in. And Roy really does not want to encourage more scrutiny of his life and his choices. He’s had enough of that.
He shakes off the slight discomfort he always feels when he thinks too much about the lack of privacy he’s had to deal with his whole life.
Roy sets the card aside, writing side up, and finishes sifting through the rest. It’s all junk, just as he suspected. He’s glad he actually took the time to look through it though. He would have hated to miss Jamie’s card.
He tries not to fixate on the “Xx” Jamie included. Everyone signs off like that. Doesn’t mean anything.
Right?
===
It’s really a lark that Jamie gets the postcard for Roy in the first place.
He’d been hanging around waiting for Isaac and Colin to finish the sunglass shopping they were doing. He wanders down towards one of those kitschy tourist trap stores that every seaside town seems to have in abundance. There's a postcard rack on the sidewalk, and Jamie idly spins it around. His eye catches on one especially pretty scene and he picks it up. He’ll send it to Roy – mostly as a joke, but he really does wish Roy was there, and sincerity isn’t a bad thing, or so he’s been trying to convince himself.
He hands a couple euros to the shop keeper and carefully places the card in his cross-body bag. He wanders back to find Isaac and Colin still trying to decide between nearly identical pairs of shades. Jamie gets it, though. He’s good at fashion, after all. Sometimes you just gotta have several similar options to make sure you can hit the right vibe.
Later, in the cool air of his room, he sits at the desk and thinks about what kind of a message he wants to send Roy. Short, a little sweet, and maybe a little salty, too. He hesitates for just a moment over the X’s, but only a moment. Everyone signs off like that, right?
He takes the card by the front desk on his way out with the boys for tapas and clubbing. Fortunately, they have stamps and all, so without too much trouble, the card is on its way, and Jamie is ready for a night of fun. He’s hit by thoughts of Roy only occasionally, if by occasionally, one means every 5 minutes or so.
Once they eat, drink, and dance their fill, Isaac and Jamie help Colin stumble back to the hotel and put him to bed in his room. Isaac says he’ll stay in the extra bed in case Colin needs anything. They’re both good lads.
That does mean Jamie is left alone with his own thoughts, though.
There’s a month until pre-season training starts, and he’d like to see Roy for coffee or drinks or a movie or even a run while tied to a bike - just some time together before then, but he’s honestly not sure if that’s going to happen.
He’s got another 5 days here, then home for a week or so. Unfortunately, it’s the same week Roy promised a holiday for his sister and Phoebe, so there’ll be no chance for hanging out then. The day before Roy gets home, Jamie is heading to Manchester to see his mum and Simon for a few days. Maybe after that?
Jamie knows Roy is infinitely busier now that he’s managing the Greyhounds. And Jamie knows that it’s possible that spending time with each other may be a one-sided desire. But they’ve been texting nearly everyday since the end of the season, and have even had the occasional phone call and one memorable Face Time – Roy said it was because he wanted to make sure he knew how to do a Face Time call in case some journo needed to call him for an interview, but Jamie liked to think it was because Roy missed seeing his face. Roy sometimes pretends to be worse at technology than he actually is, but Jamie assumes its just so he’ll be bothered less.
So yeah, they’ve been in contact, but so much of what makes Roy and Jamie Roy and Jamie comes down to the things that can’t be verbalized. The raised eyebrows and pursed lips, the infinitesimal upturn of a smile or the flaring of nostrils. The particular set of shoulders or the nervous twisting of hands. Jamie doesn’t know when it happened, but Roy can read him better than almost anyone, and Jamie doesn’t think he’s flattering himself to think he can read Roy better, too.
Oh well – Jamie will see him when he sees him and there’s nothing wishing can do to change it. He just hopes Roy appreciates the postcard and the knowledge that Jamie is thinking about him.
===
Roy had agreed to take his sister and Phoebe to France on holiday before the promotions – both the team’s and his own. It’s a little more challenging to make it happen now, but with Rebecca’s approval and Beard and Nate’s support, he was able to keep his promise.
So here they are in Paris, touring the Room of Endangered and Extinct Species, which is a museum inside of a bigger museum inside of a kind of sketchy non-descript building. It’s also creepy as fuck, with all the bones and taxidermy but Phoebe insisted that they visit. It’s possible her mania for being a veterinarian for wild animals has run it’s course, but she’s still a little dweeb and she still likes animals and weird shit.
Roy had put his foot down when she suggested the Musée des Egouts – one sewer system tour was enough for his lifetime, and it’s unlikely shit in France was any more pleasant than it was in England.
Or should he say ‘poop-eh’. Fucking Jamie.
“What are you smiling about?” Sophia asks.
“I’m not,” Roy definitely is, but he can’t handle having Sophia find out what he actually was thinking about.
“Can we stop at the gift shop on our way out?” Phoebe asks. “I know you don’t usually like them, but I think it would be interesting to see what they might sell at place like this. Maybe we could get coasters with a coelacanth on them!”
Roy sees Sophia’s glance, and knows she’d be willing to make some excuse if he really didn’t want to stop. But maybe this place sold postcards. Jamie probably went out of his way to procure a postcard to send to Roy on his holiday - It would only be fair for him to return the sentiment.
“Fine. But you are not going to get anything that has those fucking muskrats on it, alright? I don’t like their beady-eyes.” Roy hands Phoebe a Euro from the stash he’s keeping on hand. He should have thought ahead and brought a bunch of pound notes so they wouldn’t have to deal with the exchange, but whatever. Why else does he have a personal banker?
While Phoebe and Sophia move around the tiny gift shop, Roy selects a postcard from the small rack on the counter. He’s trying to decide between two – one has a skeleton of the black emu from the collection and the other is actually a view of the Pont Neuf. It’s sort of a weird subject for a postcard, but the sight of the bridge makes him think of the tour Jamie led him on through Amsterdam. Roy was absolutely miserable, but somehow Jamie still managed to give him a good memory. Several good memories, in fact.
In the end, the bridge feels like a better choice to send, but he ends up getting both. Maybe he’ll keep the skeleton as a reminder of the trip.
After they make their way back to their hotel, they have a few hours before dinner. Roy sets himself up at the hotel desk and thinks of what he could say. In the end, he keeps it simple.
===
When Jamie comes home from lunch with Keeley and Barbara, he sees the post has been delivered. Right on top is a postcard with the smallest, crampiest writing he’s ever seen. His heart skips a beat, because he recognizes that handwriting –
This is a postcard. From Roy. That he sent on his holiday. To Jamie.
Jamie wants to read it right away, and though he is a certified RoyKent expert, this writing is a challenge even for him. He turns the card over to see what it’s of and smiles at the bridge. Is this just a coincidence that Roy chose a bridge card? Or was he thinking about Amsterdam?
It’s too much for Jamie to think about right now. He sets the card down on the kitchen island and takes his stuff to his bedroom. He’ll try to tackle interpreting Roy’s writing after he’s showered and in his comfiest clothes.
An hour and a half later, Jamie is curled on his couch, with one of his many lamps on, trying to read this damned postcard. He even got out a magnifying glass he happened to have laying about. After much deliberation, he feels pretty confident in what Roy had penned.
Hey.
Having a fun time, though Phoebe is dragging us to the weirdest fucking places in Paris. I’m sure she’ll love telling you about it when you see her next.
This bridge reminded me of you. Well, of Amsterdam, at least.
I’ll see you soon. Stay out of trouble and tell Georgie (and Simon) I said hi.
- Roy
So, the bridge was not a coincidence. Jamie smiles and nods his head. His chest feels warm. Roy thought about him, even when Jamie wasn’t directly in front of him. That felt good.
Jamie is already thinking of what kind of postcard he could send from Manchester.
===
The next postcard Roy gets has a giant pile of cheese on the front – wheels and half wheels and wedges. It honestly looks delicious and Roy’s mouth waters a little at the sight. Cheese isn’t quite as risky for him as ice cream, but everyone knows he wouldn’t let a little tummy trouble stop him from indulging.
Hey Old Man,
Not sure if cheese treats you the same as ice cream, but if it doesn’t, you have to try the Manchester Cheese Crawl the next time you’re up north. Simon and Mummy go every year – you know how Simon is about food. Mate – this cheese is lush. If I thought it would keep, I’d bring you a nibble back. This picture postcard will have to do.
See you in a few?
Xx Jamie
He’s feels a pang of longing when he reads Jamie’s message. He lets himself imagine tagging along on their annual cheese pilgrimage. He’s learned enough about Georgie and Simon to have a pretty good picture of how things would be – They’d both be enthusiastic and adorable – Simon about the cheese and Georgie about Simon. Jamie would be flitting between the two and trying to eat his weight in cheese while he could get away with it. Would Roy be able to fit in somehow, too? He’d like to think so. He hopes so.
Roy ponders that last line of the card – “see you in a few?” like there is some question about them seeing each other. There’s still a week left before pre-season and Roy doesn’t want to wait to see Jamie. He wants to see for himself how the remnants of Spanish sun look on Jamie’s skin.
Without overthinking it, Roy grabs his phone and shoots off a text.
He shakes his head at Jamie’s emojis. Either these actually make sense or Roy is just getting better at interpreting Jamie.
Roy didn’t mention the postcards. He isn’t sure why, but maybe he feels like it’s a better not to say anything. It feels like a secret he’s not ready to share, even though it’s obviously not a secret from Jamie.
He may need to examine what that means, but instead of doing that, he’s going to decide what he’ll cook for dinner. He asked for white wine so it’s going to be fish or chicken. Maybe pasta?
Roy grabs his coat and heads to the door. He’ll decide once he sees what grabs him.
===
Pre-season could not be going better. It’s as if no one lost a single step during the break, which is really remarkable, all things considered. Roy knows the amount of pressure he is under could easily tip into too much, and probably will once they lose a match or two.
But for now, he’s not going to question it. His lads are exactly where they are supposed to be exactly when they are supposed to be. It’s borderline magical. And the magician at the center of it all is, of course, Jamie.
Despite their busier schedule with Champions matches on top of their regular fixtures, Roy has tried to make sure he’s setting aside time to spend outside of training with Jamie. It’s important to Jamie and frankly, it’s important to Roy.
Roy never feels as grounded as he does when he can look over and see Jamie lounged across his couch, always in some pretzel-like configuration of twisted arms and legs. God, to be under 30 again.
Tonight they’ve just finished a dinner Roy cooked (Jamie insisted on loading the dishwasher and washing the pots that couldn’t go in) and chatting about nothing really.
Roy has a “Coach’s Retreat” over the next two days. Nate and Beard teamed up and suggested/cajoled/threatened him into going along with it. Honestly, Roy knows it will be kind of fun. He also knows that Leslie and Trent are planning “to just happen to show up” at the same hotel the coaches are staying in.
They should’ve just copped to it being a Diamond Dogs sleepover instead of this coach’s retreat nonsense. Roy thinks he should be more annoyed, but truth be told, he’s actually really looking forward to being some place where he’s responsible only for himself.
“Coach, I have a question,” Jamie breaks the comfortable silence they’ve been sitting in.
“Hmm?”
“I know you’ve got this – ‘coach’s retreat’ going on the next few nights, but you can tell me – it’s not actually a coach’s thing, right? Or not JUST a coach’s thing? You guys are going to be getting up to some trouble, right?”
“You’re making it sound like we’ve got strippers and blow all lined up,” Roy replies, amused.
“That would be so epic!”
Jamie’s gaze settles in the middle distance, as if he is replaying some of his own debauchery. Roy knows for a fact that Jamie hasn’t actually done that many wild things, so it’s more likely he’s replaying some of Roy’s alleged debauchery. Jesus wept.
Roy sighs.
“It’s not only a coach’s thing, no. Higgins and Crimm are gonna show up, too. Beard will probably have fucking Ted on Face Time the entire night. But I think the wildest thing we are going to get up to is drinking some overpriced scotch and listening to Leslie ramble on about his days as a punk.”
Jamie smiles at Roy and he honestly looks so pleased, it surprises Roy.
“What’s that fucking face for?” Roy demands.
“Nothing. I’m just happy you’re taking some time with your buddies. I know you’ve been working hard and maybe a little stressed. So it’s good you’re blowing off some steam. Letting your hair down, ya know?”
Roy grunts at that. He didn’t think that’s what he was doing, but maybe Jamie’s right.
“Plus it’s good for you to hang out with blokes your own age. You can talk about seeing your first moving picture. Maybe talk about the moon landing or whatever.” Jamie cackles as the pillow Roy throws hits him squarely in the face.
What has Roy’s life come to? Jamie’s response to him hanging out with the Diamond Dogs is actually making him feel a little proud of himself. Is he learning to take care of himself or something?
He’s remembering Jamie’s smile when he sees the rack of postcards at the distillery the Dogs booked for the first day. He grabs one, along with a few bottles of the boggy scotch he’d liked from the tasting flight.
Roy had been right – Beard had Ted on video chat the whole day. And much to Roy’s surprise, it was really pretty fun. Higgins had the foresight to have a sampling of the booze they were getting to try shipped to Ted, so he was able to drink along with them.
By the time they made it back to their rooms, Roy was definitely feeling a little elevated. He set his bags on the bed, where they promptly fell over, spilling their contents. The post card came sliding out along with the rest of it. Roy looks at it for just a second, then moves over to the table to start filling it out.
Jamie, do not fucking tell anyone, but I had soooo much fun with the diamond dogs today. I think we might ask Will if he wants to join – that kid is fucking wise.
I know you said you were glad I was spending time with my other friends, but I sort of wish you’d been here, too. I think you’d have enjoyed it. I know I would have liked having you here. Maybe next time?
- Roy
He didn’t let himself dwell on the fact he remembers Jamie’s address even in his drunken state.
===
Jamie is not expecting to see Roy’s writing in his mail, and in a way, the unexpectedness makes it more exciting.
Unfortunately, the writing is even worse than the first card he’d gotten. Once he deciphers the message, he suspects why – Roy must have been tipsy when he was writing it. Otherwise, Jamie doubts he would have admitted to having fun. And he REALLY doubts Roy would have more or less invited him along next “retreat.”
Jamie tries to temper his excitement. Getting a postcard from Roy once was a thrill. Getting this second one, when he’s going to be seeing Jamie in just a few days – Well, that’s a good sight more than thrilling.
However, Jamie has been working not only on his sincerity, but also on managing his expectations. So instead of losing his head, he simply takes the postcard and places it in the old cigar box he’d put the first one in, nestled between a few other mementos he’s collected.
A piece of the wrapper from the stroopwaffle he’d split with Roy in Amsterdam.
The cork from the bottle of wine they’d shared after he’d gotten back from Manchester before the season.
The post-it Roy had placed on the protein shake he’d left out for Jamie after one of their more intensive training sessions.
Just a few little things that he tries to tell himself don’t mean anything besides him wanting to remember times with his best mate. Nothing more than that at all.
===
Their next international match is in Germany.
Roy had been to Germany many times as a player, but never as a coach, much less as Gaffer. He knows the team is solid, but he’s still dealing with a lot of pressure.
As they load into the coach to bus to the match, he starts to walk past the row where Jamie’s sitting in the window seat. Rather than passing by to his usual back of the bus perch, he pauses.
When Jamie looks up at him, Roy realizes what he needs at this moment is a little bit of that grounding he’d been feeling from Jamie lately. Instead of joining Beard and Nate in the back, he swings around and sits next to Jamie in the aisle seat. He let his leg press into Jamie’s knee where it is tucked up underneath him.
Jamie just smiles at him and nudges him back. He takes out the air pod that is in the ear closest to Roy.
“You all right, Roy?”
Jamie has the uncanny ability to know which epithet Roy most needs to hear. When he needs to be reminded he really knows what he’s doing, it’s “Coach.” When he wants to remember he actually has friends that don’t take him as seriously as he always takes himself it’s “Mate” or “Lad.”
But right now, what he really needs to know is that there is someone who appreciates him for him. Just Roy. Not a coach. Not one of the lads. Just Roy. And Jamie somehow knows it, and so calls him Roy.
Roy lets out a breath he didn’t even know he’s been holding. All he can do is nod and give a quiet growl, but Jamie seems to know what it means and takes no offense.
He nudges Roy’s leg one more time before putting his earbud back in. Roy knows how important his player’s pre-match routines are, and he really appreciates that Jamie letting him interrupt him for this moment.
The match ended in a draw, but the Greyhounds played their hearts out, and to Roy, that was nearly as good as a win. After the match and all the press Roy had to do, he finds himself looking around for Jamie. He’d had a vague hope they might be able to spend a little time together, maybe even see a sight or two.
Roy doesn’t want to separate Jamie from his friends. Hmm, that wasn’t quite right. He doesn’t want to admit that what he wants to do is separate Jamie from his friends. So, when he sees Jamie dressed to go out and standing with Sam and Dani, he tamps down a tinge of disappointment. As he’s gaining control of that feeling, Jamie looks around and catches his eye.
“Coach! Tell me you’re gonna come out with us, yeah?” Jamie beams his charming smile at Roy and waggles his eyebrows just a bit. Roy is hesitating, and Jamie, who knows him so well, can tell.
“All the other coaches are going out, too, and so’s Rebecca and Higgins. You can’t be the sad old man left out!” Jamie is laying it on thick, but it’s working. Roy rolls his eyes and nods his head up and down once.
Jamie’s grin absolutely glows. The night was shaping up to be pretty damned great.
===
The week after the Germany match, Roy gets another postcard from Jamie. It showcases the Allianz Arena, which may not be the most picturesque subject for a postcard, but that didn’t make it less significant.
Roy,
I know you’re nervous about this match, but I want you to know that you’re doing a good job. The boys love working hard for you, and I do, too. You’ve made me into an even more incredible player and I never feel like I can show you enough thanks.
I’m sending this before the match, so I don’t know the result, but what I do know is that you are a great coach. And a great friend. And a great person.
Love, Jamie
Roy actually has to sit down at his kitchen island after he reads this. He knows that he and Jamie have gotten really close over the past year or so, and that Jamie knows him probably better than anyone, baring Sophia.
But to have Jamie so clearly hone in on exactly what Roy needed to hear is still – not surprising, exactly. Touching. It’s really touching and Roy doesn’t quite know what to do with that feeling.
He’s also not sure what to do with the feeling he has from Jamie graduating from singing off with “Xx” to “Love.” It’s a warm feeling and a good feeling. It’s a feeling he’s been experiencing more and more often with Jamie.
Roy tucks the postcard into the pages of the latest book he’s reading. He’d gotten an album with clear plastic sleeves and had stored the first two cards he got there. He knows it’s a little overkill for just a few cards, but he can’t help but hope there will be more. He’ll add this latest one to the album after he’s had a chance to read it again a few more times.
He’s becoming awfully sentimental these days. Maybe that’s a little on account of Jamie, too.
===
Though they never mention the postcards to each other, the things they share in them start bleeding into real life.
After a trip to Cardiff, Jamie’s postcard raved about a particular kind of candy he can only get in Wales, and suddenly Roy’s got a bag of them in his kitchen cabinet.
On a card featuring a gothic cathedral, Roy writes how he’d always been intrigued about historical architecture. The next time they are choosing what to watch for the evening, Jamie queues up a documentary about England's cathedrals.
Sometimes they’ll be with the team and one or the other will be reminded of something they shared in the postcards. They’ll make eye contact and grin. It’s just little things, but sometimes they feel like big things.
It’s a silent acknowledgment that they’re each paying attention to one another. That they care. That their correspondence matters and it’s letting them share things they might not be able to when talking face-to-face.
In the beginning, things hadn’t been that personal, but as more cards passed through the mail system, they started to put more of themselves down in writing. It was a weird thing, considering postcards are about as public as possible – after all, there was no envelope to hide their words.
And yet, that doesn’t seem to matter. Or it matters to them less than the rush of showing someone else a part of themselves they usually keep hidden.
===
Hey you,
That movie we watched at team night reminded me of this one match at Chelsea – oh wait, I forgot I’m talking to the biggest fucking fanboy of them all – bet you know exactly what I’m thinking of, don’t you?
You played well today. Keep that shit up, okay?
Roy
***
Coach,
Did you see what Dani was planning on giving to his two girlfriends for their anniversary? Honestly, I think it’s completely mint. If I was them, I’d be figuring out how to put a ring on it asap.
Marriage laws are so stupid for not allowing several people to be married to each other. Who cares, right? It’s not hurting anyone.
Xxx Jamie
***
Tartt,
I know today was not the fucking result we wanted. I hope you don’t dwell on that shit. It was not your fault – there’s a whole team of players and coaches to take some of the blame. We’ll get them next time, okay?
- Roy
***
Mate,
It sucks you were stuck doing press so long today and had to miss out on this tour. You would have loved it.
Missed ya,
Jamie.
***
Jamie,
You magnificent bastard. That assist was one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. Even better than some of your goals. United didn’t know what hit ‘em. I’d tell you to have a drink to celebrate, but since you won’t see this for a few days, I guess that doesn’t really work. Oh well. It’s the thought, right?
R.
===
It’s a little strange to pick out a postcard for Jamie from his hometown, but Roy knows it’s his turn to send one and Manchester happens to be where they are, so he shuffles through the small selection in the hotel lobby shop. He picks one that shows the river and some ducks swimming.
Roy remembers seeing ceramic ducks in Jamie’s tiny bedroom when they were here last season. He’s also overheard Simon call Jamie “Duck” a time or two when he answers a call while with Roy. It’s adorable, both the décor and the nickname.
Being in Manchester invariably brings up some not-so-pleasant memories, but Jamie seems to be doing fine, joking with his team on the ride up. He looks good, too, so Roy isn’t worried. Not like he has been in the past. He’s confident that if there was a problem, Jamie wouldn’t hesitate to come to him with it. Both as gaffer and as his best friend.
The thought of Jamie coming to him for help warms Roy from his head to his toes. He’s so grateful that he and Jamie have come to where they are in their relationship.
Maybe he ought to tell Jamie that.
Jamie -
I know coming here to Manchester can be hard, but I’m fucking proud of how well you’re doing. And not just on the pitch. I see how you are with your mum and Simon, with your team and with your other friends. With me, even. It feels lucky that you and me have gotten here.
Xx, Roy
Roy pointedly ignores how he avoids referring to Jamie coming “home” to Manchester. He doesn’t like to think about Jamie being at home in a place where Roy isn’t.
===
At their Everton match, Jamie decides against a Beatles themed postcard and instead gets one that’s just some scenery. He was in a bit of a rush, since he hadn’t had time when they first arrived and after they won, the team headed back to London. He’s a little sorry there wasn’t Karaoke after the match.
Jamie had heard about the last time they’d won at Everton. He’d been back at City at the time and had felt a moment of envy when he’d seen a few pictures on the team’s socials. It looked like they’d had a good time, and he’d been able to see Roy and Keeley in the background of a few.
When Jamie thinks about who he was back then, and who he is now, it feels as if he’s remembering a different person. That Jamie was still him, of course, but he was wrapped up in so much junk, it’s hard to feel connected to him. He’s so happy with who he is now, with his friendships and his career. But he wouldn’t be who he is now if it weren’t for that Jamie, so he doesn’t resent him. It’s more like feels sad for him.
Because of the rush, Jamie hadn’t been able to send the postcard before they left Liverpool, so it’d have a Richmond postmark, which was probably fine. It’s the thought that counts, right? He decides to fill it out from his seat on the coach. Everyone else is quietly talking or sleeping so he’s got a little bubble of privacy.
Roy,
It’s too bad we didn’t do Karaoke after this match – I would’ve liked to get to up on stage to sing something. I guess I don’t know your go-to Karaoke song!
Don’t even pretend you don’t have one, neither. I know you do. So what is it?
Love, Jamie
This is a bit of a risk, asking something that requires an answer. They still had never mentioned the postcards. Jamie isn’t sure why, but he likes it. It feels like it’s something just for them, and his tummy flutters at that thought.
It’s not like there aren’t already a lot of things that are just for Roy and Jamie – dinners shared at Roy’s place. Afternoon kickabouts with Phoebe followed by ice cream. Reality TV binges, both of them sitting a little too close on Jamie’s couch.
But the postcards are different. They take a little extra effort, both to find them and then to send them. Jamie has taken to carrying postcard stamps in his bumbag so he is ready whenever there’s an opportunity. He wonders if he could get away with sending postcards even if they aren’t from out-of-town places. He’ll have to think about that some more.
===
“What’s this, Roy?” Sophia asks him on one of their rare afternoons off at the same time. Roy had invited her over so he could cook her a nice meal.
“What?” Roy calls from the kitchen. He wipes his hands on a towel and pops his head around the corner to see Sophia holding his postcard album. She hasn’t opened it yet, which Roy appreciates. She knows how important his privacy is to him.
“Oh. Um. That’s my postcard album,” he says with only a little hesitation.
“Postcards? From where? From who?” Sophia makes a move as if she’s going to open the book. Would that honestly be so bad? Maybe it would be good to get her opinion on his and Jamie’s continuing pen-pal-ship.
“They’re from Jamie. We, um, we send postcards to each other sometimes.”
Roy knows “sometimes” is a bit of an understatement. The album has at least 25 postcards from the last few months, and they’ve gotten to the point where they are either sending or receiving at least one postcard a week.
“Jamie? And You? Send postcards to each other? Even though you see each other almost 24 hours a day?” She looks amused, which Roy resents a little. He hates to be laughed at. She looks at his face and softens.
“Can I look?”
Roy nods his head a little jerkily.
She opens to the first page and starts slowly reading each message. Sometimes she spends time looking at the picture on the card, but mostly she’s reading what Jamie has written. She smiles, even laughing a few times. Jamie can be pretty funny, even Roy can admit.When she gets to the end, slowly closing the book and meeting his gaze, she looks a little misty-eyed.
“Why are you crying?” Roy is confused. He doesn’t think there was anything sad in any of those cards.
“Roy, I’m just so happy you’ve found something like this. And with Jamie of all people!”
“Something like what? What do you mean?”
Roy actually suspects he knows exactly what she means, but he’s got to hear her say it. He wants someone outside of his own head to put a name to what he is feeling, what he hopes Jamie is feeling.
“These aren’t just postcards, Roy. These are love letters. You’ve got to see that, right? I mean I don’t know what you’ve written to Jamie, but I do know you. And when you care about something, or someone, you can really put in the effort. So I’m really hoping you’re trying with Jamie.”
Roy just keeps looking at her. He’s not sure what to say. Sophia knows she’s pressed him enough for one day.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I would be happy to welcome Jamie even more into our family, whatever you want that to look like. You know Phoe thinks the world of him, so she’ll be on board, too.”
Roy nods and gives her a shaky smile before grabbing her into a hug. He was right that hearing her thoughts has given him more clarity. And she’s right about how when he cares he really tries. He might just have to start trying in real life as hard as he’s been trying with the post cards.
===
Things come to a head after they play Ajax towards the end of their season. There’s no time for midnight bicycles or sunrise stroopwaffle – it’s a quick trip there and back.
That doesn’t stop Roy from making some time to get a postcard featuring a very special windmill.
He had been thinking about what Sophia said for weeks now – he’d read through all Jamie’s postcards several times, in between all the time he spent with Jamie, and has been ruminating on what it could look like to merge the Postcard Jamie with the Real Life Jamie. There isn’t much difference any more, besides a thread of earnestness that weaves itself through Jamie’s words that’s not always apparent in their day-to-day dealings.
Roy is tired of leaving Jamie’s side at night after they’ve spent the evening together. He’s tired of not waking up with his strong, warm body cuddled next to him. He’s tired of fighting with himself every time he thinks too long about grabbing Jamie and kissing his soft lips.
He grabs the postcard of Riekermolen and starts to write.
Jamie,
Remember this? I think this was the moment I finally started to see you. And it was also when realized I wanted you to see me, too. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how beautiful your smile was that night. I’d like to be the reason you smile like that everyday. What do you say?
Love, Roy
He knows he’s setting himself up for a hard couple of days waiting for this postcard to make it though the British postal system. But they started this journey through postcards – it feels only right to do it this way.
===
There’s a pounding on Roy’s door at 11 p.m. He isn't asleep yet, but is in his pajamas and reading glasses when he opens the door.
It’s Jamie.
He’s winded, like he ran all the way here – Roy knows he didn’t, because they don’t live that close to each other. Maybe he did a quick lap around Roy’s neighborhood for some unknown reason.
“Jamie?”
Jamie raises his arm, and Roy sees he’s clutching the postcard. So he’s gotten it. Roy can’t tell by this reaction exactly what Jamie’s thinking right now. Did he come over to laugh at Roy? To tell him he’s crazy to think Jamie would want to be with him? Or could it be something better than that?
“You really mean this?” Jamie asks.
“Which part?” Roy knows he’s hedging, but he’s not able to read what’s going on with Jamie right now and it’s making him feel insecure.
“All of it. Especially the last bit.” Jamie comes towards Roy, using his pointer finger to indicate what last bit he means.
‘I’d like to be the reason you smile like that everyday.’
“This part.”
“Yeah. I fucking meant it. Mean it.” It’s hard to get the words out, but Roy does it somehow.
Jamie’s eyes roam all around Roy’s face, looking for something. Evidently he must find it, because suddenly he’s giving Roy that same beautiful smile and wrapping his arms around Roy’s neck and tucking his face in close.
To Roy’s credit, he only hesitates for a second before returning the embrace.
“I’ve been waiting, well, hoping, for this, Roy. I say yes. Yes, please. I want to make you smile, too. Everyday. Always”
===
They’ve been living together for 8 blissful months. After Roy had moved in, they’d placed his postcard album on a shelf in their bedroom next to Jamie’s cigar box. When they are feeling particularly gooey, they take the album and box down and read the cards in order, re-living the way they fell in love, a few short lines at a time.
Occasionally, they still send each other postcards. When they are apart for various reasons, and sometimes even when they are together and just thinking about each other.
“I put the mail there on the table,” Jamie calls over his shoulder as he makes his way to the kitchen.
Roy hangs his jacket up and picks up the pile. He doesn’t notice Jamie turning back around to watch him.
Under the glossy flier on top, there’s a postcard of Richmond Green. Roy looks at it and smiles. He can see the bench he used to sit on while Jamie did burpees. He shakes his head at the memory. Then he flips the card over.
Roy -
Marry me?
I love you,
Jamie
Roy freezes as he takes this in. Jamie just watches him, giving him time to feel his feeling. He has the ring he’d picked out clutched in his hand, ready to give to Roy once he comes back online. It takes only a moment longer.
Roy’s warm brown eyes meet Jamie’s and gives one single nod, head moving up and down. Then his face breaks into a massive grin, eyes crinkling in the way that makes Jamie swoon.
He opens his arms and Jamie comes racing over, ring forgotten for a moment. Their lips meet in the sweetest of kisses.
It’s absolutely perfect.