Chapter Text
Tomorrow is Kamille's birthday,
which is also the one year anniversary,
of Julia's death.
Julia's mind was racing. Each thought zipping through her mind before she could grab onto it long enough to think it through. The contract said a one year extension to her life, but it never said how she would die. Would she just not wake up tomorrow? Or would it be painful? What would happen after she dies for good, what even happened when a soul is set free? The questions made her head buzz into static, no longer being able to form a clear image in her mind. She was rocking back and forth on the edge of her bed, the one time she was thankful that everyone went to the bonfire except her, no one needed to see her sanity tearing at the seems.
She wasn't ready to die, she wanted to go home. She wanted to be able to bring Kamille back home like she promised, and to bring herself back home too. The sheer thought of her dad never knowing what truly happened to her made her heart shatter into a million pieces that scraped at her conscious. Would her dad even want to see her though? Maybe she could never go home after what she had seen. If she told him even a small part of what was had happened, he may not even see her as the same person. She had played with magic, lied to the government, helped organize a riot, associated with Akhon like Sahed.
Sahed
Julia stopped rocking as the name cleared a space in her mind just big enough to see his image. His skin engraved with ink that told stories she may never hear. Dusty black and forest green hair that looked messy and neat all at the same time. Three emerald eyes that seemed to pierce through her and flip through the pages of her mind, reading her like a book. The cocky grin that made her face turn crimson. Her father would never approve, but he also didn't know how much he'd been lied to. Maybe if he just knew the truth, he would see the same Sahed as her.
Now, Julia couldn't think of anything else without tracing back to him. Why did he have to have this affect on her? This kind of thing has happened before, where all she could think about was him. He took up her headspace and carved away at her mind and thoughts till he was all that was left.
I want to see him, she thought
I need to see him.
She was gonna die soon, anyways. The hourglass she'd been trapped in ever since she died was almost full. Days, weeks, months of time pouring their weight onto her shoulders as she slowly suffocated in the fear and guilt. She couldn't take it anymore, she had nothing to lose. If he ended up not liking her back, she'd be dead before the feeling of rejection could sink in.
Before Julia could think twice, her feet were tracing the same steps she took months ago. This time, however, it was different. Her mind wasn't flooded with thoughts or buzzing with confusion or anger or pain. Now, she was able to look up from the contract imprinted in her mind and see the world around her. The wooden stairs that creek under her feet, warped from decades of use. The subtle fall breeze grazed her skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. For the first time since she joined the circus, she felt she could finally breathe.
The feeling left as fast as it came, once her heartbeat started to quicken and her palms started to sweat. As she lifted her hand to the knob, she could hear the anxiety in the back of her head telling her this is a bad idea, that this is foolish and he's an akhon. But in that moment, that voice was overpowered by her heart beating in her ears and the anticipation in her gut. There's no one here she needs to please. Not her dad, not Kamille, not even her government was watching.
A gust of wind trailed across her back, sending a shiver down her spine. She straightened her posture and gripped the doorknob, the cool metal seeping into her skin.
Inside, it'll just be her and him
where not even the breeze could touch them.