Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"...you came," he whispered.

"of course i did," was the hushed reply.

he gazed into those endlessly grey eyes, and the depths that lurked far beyond them. uncharted land, yet akito knew them like the back of his hand. how long it had been since hed felt himself sink into them and melt away until himself and toyas eyes were indistinguishable. he felt the greys and subtle blues of his eyes mix with his very own soul in the most intimate of ways, forever confining him to an eternity within their depths. akito had no care but to sink into their grasp, their cool and wrapping embrace. countless nights had he stared off into space, reminiscing on how the man before him's eyes caught his very soul and pulled him deep within.

akito didnt think hed ever see toya again. having been torn apart long ago, the rivalling kingdoms condemning the two to a war dividing them. the way they left was bittersweet. for a few months, akito held nothing but resentment to toya, being whisked away by his father, king aoyagi, and his followers among the hinomori kingdom. akito wanted to blame toya for leaving, convincing himself that toya leaving him of his own volition hurt less than fate ripping the two apart. that notion was futile, as soon his heart turned to ache and remorse, longing for the one whom resided within it.

to see the very man in front of him now, after all this time, the pain, the suffering, to have him here now, akito could feel his heart falter. he would like to imagine toya's feelings were much like his own, missing the other just as dearly. why else would he have come? akito had glanced behind the dual tone haired man, and had noted that he came alone. it wasnt a trap, it wasnt a ploy. toya was here. toya came to see him. that alone was enough to make his eyes prick with tears.

"i... wasnt sure youd want to see me," toya began, shifting uneasily on his feet. akito supposed it was fair for him to fear that, considering his feelings towards toya the first few months after he left. yet all akitos heart yearned for was to pull the man before him close and swear to never let him go again. however, his feet were rooted into the ground, he didnt dare move. this moment of frozen time felt so fragile. akito feared if he made the wrong step, moved too fast, fumbled his words, that this moment would shatter and the shards of the man before him would fall through his tattered fingertips.

with baited breath, all he could reply was "ive waited so long," shifting his gaze towards the terrain below them. toya tore his gaze off the other, glancing to the side.

"im sorry, akito,"

"it wasnt your fault,"

"i should have tried harder-"

"youre here with me, right now," akito breathed, taking that first step. with nothing but warmth and desire flowing through his veins, he let himself take those small few steps towards the man before him, seemingly shrinking in on himself. with those last words, toyas gaze shot up to the other, startled to see how much closer hed gotten. his heart pounded in his chest.

toya had seen many battlefields, wiped blood off his blade and face countless times. hed stared death in the eyes, yet never before has his heart felt this uneasy. emotions flooded in all at once, panic, hope, regret, guilt, desire, despair. he could do nothing but stand still as the ginger made his way towards him. from this distance, toya could make out his glassy olive eyes. how he had missed, yearned to see these eyes again, yearned to be gazed upon with such sheer affection. feeling his own eyes well up, he choked back a small sob, willing himself not to cry in front of the knight.

closing the distance, akito shakily reached out an arm to place it upon toyas shoulder. "youre really here... youre here," was all he could say, his voice shaking and uncertain, as if by touching toya hed vanish into thin air.

shakily breathing in, toya shuddered under akitos touch. "im here," he affirmed, staring deeply into those green eyes which reflected himself. uncertainty hung in the air, neither could have dreamed of sharing a moment like this with the other, not after fates cruel game.

watery eyes gazed deep within each other. neither were willing to move, the fear of reality shattering at the slightest motion weighed heavily on the two. inhaling without letting it go, akito backed away, not missing the flash of sudden fear the moment he moved away from toya. quickly extending the hand that once laid upon his shoulder, akito offered it to him. "care to dance?" he asked, the uncertainty and fear evident within his own eyes and the way his body trembled.

not daring to break his gaze, toya slowly slipped his hand into the others, letting himself be drawn close to the ginger and pulled into a sullen waltz. akitos spare hand slipped to pull toyas waist close, while toyas hand landed on akitos shoulder. taking the first step, akito led toya to the melody of the wind and the twinkling stars above, and the irregular thrumming of the two's hearts. into the night they danced and swayed, following the unspoken tune and dance. akito never once tore his eyes away from toyas, letting himself be pulled deep into their core. akito led toya through the dance, with none but the moon above bearing witness. he allowed themselves this moment of carelessness, throwing caution to the wind to simply be.

the two were fated to be enemies, opposing forces on the battlefield. akito couldnt fathom raising his sword against the man before him. long ago had he resigned himself to toyas will, wanting nothing more than to exist by his side. the prickling at his eyes was becoming too much to bear, and his hand slipped from the other mans as he hastily wiped the crystalline tears from his eyes. toyas face shifted to one of concern and sorrow, raising a shaky hand to lay upon akitos cheek. he all but melted into the mans touch, bringing his own hand to clasp toyas close to his skin. letting his own tears fall, toya wiped the collection upon akitos face away with his thumb. there were no words needed in this moment. both of the men knew just what the other was thinking, the pain written upon their faces.

toya pressed his forehead against akitos, the latter choking back a sob. the moon shown brightly overhead, undaunted by the clouds within the sky. the wind tousled akitos hair, sticking to his tear ridden face. try as he might, akito couldnt choke any words out, left shaking and shuddering, clinging onto the hand that lay on his cheek. toyas eyes, clouded with concern, never left the man before him. how could they, when the sole man they longed for years to see was before them? toya exhaled, opting to simply exist in this moment with akito, no matter how painful of a moment it was.

"..i cant go back to a world without you," akito finally choked out. "i cant bear to leave your side, i cant go back to an empty castle with corridors filled with so many memories," he whined into toyas hand. all the dual toned man could to was pull the boy before him closer. "i cant bear to watch you walk away again," akito sobbed into toyas collar.

"the years have been no easier on me," toya sighs. his heart pulled against its very strings, tugging and pulling and rattling within his chest. "i dont know how to let you go again," he whispers.

"...then dont," akito replies in a hushed tone.

toya sighed, clutching onto the man before him tighter. "you know we cant stay," he laments, the very words tearing his own heart to shreds. he feels akito freeze against him, despite knowing this was the only response he could get.

"..i cant walk away from you again, i cant," akito shudders against toya. the latter could do nothing but let his own tears fall into the windswept hair of the man who he held nothing but sheer and utter love for.

toyas mind wanders, he finds himself thinking of a different life. a world where they were allowed to just be, akito and toya, toya and akito. a world free from the burden of war, a world where the two didnt stand on opposite ends of the blood stained battlefield, but side by side. his heart twisted and constricted, thinking of such a thing. maybe if fate were a bit nicer, if life wasnt so cruel, he and akito could love peacefully, fearlessly, hand in hand. he buried his face into the ginger hair, tears welling in his eyes even more suddenly.

the two clung onto each other like they were each others lifeline, not daring to loosen their grip for even a moment.

but all moments have to end. toya had long given up on happily ever afters.

akito clung tighter more, knowing the undeniability of what was to come.

the cold press of metal wasnt a shock to the ginger. the tears upon his head fell at a faster rate, soaking his hair as he clung on tighter. bittersweet tears pricked his own eyes, letting his arms snake around toyas neck as he pressed his face into the crevice between the latters neck and shoulder.

the sullen waltz continued, the two swaying as clouds hid the moons imminent light. with shaking and baited breath, akito whispered one last hush sentiment to his beloveds neck.

"i love you," he smiled.

toyas hand on his sword faltered, tears flowing freely down his face. he pulled akitos slumped form closer to his own, kneeling in the shade of the cloudy night.

"i love you too."

Chapter Text

akito remembered how it all began. under the hush of moonlight, quietly tiptoeing through the castles garden. it had been quite a tiresome day of training. only recently promoted to the royal guard, akito had been working tirelessly to keep his skills on par with those of the other knights. he knew he was behind, years behind. these were men, who had seen the harsh face of war, and he was but a boy. a boy who needed a moment to breathe.

he slipped past the night watch, pressing his back to a column before hastily darting to the garden. safely hidden behind the forage of the garden, he finally allowed himself a breath of air. hand to his chest and knees bent, akito breathed for what seemed like the first time since his training became ever more laborious. he was proud of his rank and work, dont get him wrong, but he had been pushing himself endlessly past his limits, and needed to allow himself this moment of respite.

what he wasnt expecting, however, was to meet the crowned prince's gaze when he raised his eyes. face reddening and jilting his body to quickly stand in uniform, he bowed low and hastily apologized, "i-im so sorry, your majesty, i didnt mean to be slacking off-"

toya, who was quite startled at being caught himself, raised his hands to try to shush the boy in front of him. "shh! i promise, youre quite alright, please, keep your voice down."

only then did akito realize it was rather odd to find the prince within the palace garden at the crack of dawn. is he... sneaking off like me? akito pondered to himself, raising a hand to his chin. toya, quick to guess the others thoughts, let out a sigh.

"i just needed a moment out, please, dont tell my father," toya said, voice carrying a hint of hesitance as he looked to akito.

"only if you do the same," akito retorted lightly heartedly. toya let a sigh of relief escape his lips as his shoulders visibly slumped. akito let his posture fall back into one more restful, letting out a sigh himself. a silence fell between the two, akito shifting on his feet uneasily and toya tapping a pattern into his leg. clearing his throat, akito struck conversation, "why the garden?" he asks.

toyas eyes widen a fraction, the question seemingly unexpected. "oh," he starts, "i... come here quite a bit. my father doesnt check here often, not many do. and besides," he says, stepping closer to a rose bush, "i quite like being surrounded by the life here."

akito hadnt really had the chance to look around, his gaze not once leaving the prince, but he tore his eyes away to glance around the garden. truthfully, this was his first visit to the garden. even so, he could say he was pleasantly pleased by the assortment of flora before him. the flowers were all brought and blooming, the shrubbery trimmed and kept to pristine condition. truly, the garden was an enchanting sight, especially now, bathed in moonlight and the rising sun.

"would you care to dance?" toya asked, snapping akito back to reality. eyes blown wide, akito was utterly thrown off by the question.

"dance?"

"ah, im sorry if that was an odd question. please do not think you have to agree to my whims just because my status.. it was a truly odd question to ask, and i apologize," toya was quick to correct himself. face reddening, he turned away. he wasnt quite sure what prompted him to ask the other boy that, the two had hardly spoken before now.

akito blinked a few times, before noticing the prince withdrawing. "ah, nah, its okay, just caught me off guard a little," akito laughed, albeit awkwardly. at this, toya looked back to akito, who had stretched out a hand towards the prince. toya couldnt tell if he was imagining a light dusting of red on the gingers cheeks, or if it was the bite of the cool night wind. regardless, he placed his hand in the one offered to him, as the knight awkwardly pulled him closer into a fumbled waltz.

despite the odd tension of the situation, toya chuckled to himself, which prompted a "haah?! whats so funny?" from a flustered akito.

"its not that, per se, this is just not a waltz like any other ive danced," toya said, with the back of his free hand to his lips to stifle his laughter. akitos face turned ever more red, his own hand flying to rub at the back of his neck.

"s'not like ive ever formally danced before," akito grumbled, embarrassed at his lack of knowledge being pointed put.

"its quite alright, ill guide you."

and with that, toya more confidently took the lead, helping akito through the steps, and only having his feet trodden on a few times. the early morning air was filled with laughter and chuckles as the two danced as the sun rose ever higher.

and akito was glad to say this wasnt a one-off occurrence.

the two bumped into each other many times after their meeting in the garden, and this soon became more frequent and more intentional. after their night, the two became close, sneaking off to see each other and saying hello whenever they could. as akito kept training, he was eventually promoted to the princes personal guard in honor of his hard work and efforts. no longer needing excuses or needing to hide under the guise of night, the two became inseparable.

it was a stormy night when it happened. akito woke up to the sound of footsteps and to the shouts of people. quickly jostling the sleep from his eyes, he sprung up and went out to assess the commotion. what he didnt expect, what no one expected, was for the kingdom to be under attack by its own people. knights, nobles and commonfolk alike bore black flags with a blue emblem on them, screams of revolution drowning out the frightened wails. innocent townsfolk were being trampled and beaten amidst the confusion and sound, and akito was left frozen.

peace in a kingdom with two rulers was fragile, and it was truly only a matter of time before they clashed. akito looked to see king aoyagi at the head of the stampede, atop his black stallion and waving a gigantic flag. akito looked lower to see prince toya atop his steed beside him, albeit looking frightened. the two locked gazes for what seemed like an eternity, pain and fear within both their eyes, before it was shattered by king aoyagi yanking toyas arm as he led his followers out of the kingdom. akitos legs felt numb, like jello yet rooted deep into the ground. not a word could escape his throat, as fires blazed, people screamed, and the back of the prince got smaller and smaller.

the fire and the screams faded out, and akito shifted his focus back to the man before him, and his tear stained face. akito raised a hand to gently hold the face of a sobbing toya, face broken and heart torn. all akito could do was smile, how could he do anything else when in the embrace of the boy hed loved so dearly?

"im sorry, im sorry," toya wheezed and shuddered out,

"its alright," akito assured.

akito had a death sentence on his head from the aoyagi kingdom, and his death was assured, with how the knights and forces of the hinomori kingdom dwindled out one by one. if he was to die, then hed take no other way than to die by the one hed loveds hand, to lay in his arms. this was all he could ever ask for, to feel the princes embrace once more. his nerves no longer registered the pain, all he could process was the boy in front of him. toya was all he could find himself to care about in his last moments. and said boy held him ever so gently, ever so carefully, and it was all he could wish for.

akito couldnt help but gasp out as the pain flared up once more as he felt the blade being pulled from his flesh, staring at toya with wide eyes as the boy plunged the sword into his own flesh without a single moments hesitation.

"toya?!" akito breathed out, eyes blown wide as the boy before him spluttered.

"i... cant live knowing ill be living a world without you, i cant go back to those walls, now that i have you, you cant leave without me," toya cried into the gingers shoulder. akito couldnt argue, hed have surely done the same were the roles reversed, but that didnt mean he was happy about the one he loved cutting his own life short, no matter the circumstances.

the moon shone brightly once more, the sky clear and no one but the twinkling stars bearing witness to the act committed under them. unable to support both their weight, toya fell back, akito falling atop him as both boys let out a shuddery grunt. breath ragged, toyas gaze slipped from the stars to the boy next to him, only to find olive eyes surely staring back at him. the two simply stare for a moment, the world slowly slipping farther away.

"... its weird to think about... how the stars we see, they could have burnt out millions of years ago... yet the end of their light hasnt reached us yet, and may never reach us" akito comments. toyas a bit surprised by the sudden comment, but lets out a pained smile and joins the others gaze towards the stars. "d'ya think we'll get to see them up close?" akito asked, voice getting weaker by the second.

"i think," toya grunts as the pain in his stomach gets a little more evident, "i think... we can do whatever wed like." he concludes. akito shifts his gaze back to the dual haired man beside him, and grins widely.

"id like that," akito decides. toyas gaze found its way back to the one on himself, and offers a smile back. he gazed into those olive eyes, reflecting himself and the stars above. he counted the constellation of freckles on the gingers face, far more impressive and beautiful than those above. his brain had stopped being receptive to the pain, and he could do nothing but take in the boy before him. maybe, in another life, they could have been happy. they could have lived without fear, maybe theyd have been by each others side far sooner.

as warm tears escaped his silver eyes, toya pressed his lips to the boy beside his, which was quickly reciprocated. with nothing but warm smiles and gentle touches, akito sank into toyas embrace. and there under the stars, in the arms of their dearest, did the prince and the knight have their final dance.