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Shion quietly navigates the maze of bookshelves in his school library, fingers brushing along the spines and eyes scanning the titles, unsure of where he’s supposed to be. In truth, he has rarely ventured this far into the library, his usual haunt being the primly organized science section, located conveniently near the entrance to the large building. He’s never been this far inside before, forced into it by the new English teacher’s required reading list.
The lights are dim, casting a strange atmosphere over the aisles, dust floating in the air and floor creaking. The books are tumultuously organized. He can’t help but notice the small errors in alphabetizing, the books separated from series, the piles of volumes lying on the ground.
It sets Shion slightly on edge, an environment he’s far unused to, but he presses forward, the slip of paper the librarian had given him clenched in his hand.
Bringing it up to the light, he examines it against the numbers of the shelves, deducing he has to be in the next aisle with a determined nod. Although he longs for the clean, well-kept shelves of scientific texts that his best friend and library helper Safu pays so much care to, he can’t help but feel a thrill run through him at the sight of the shadowy, antique classical literature section.
To him, it feels like the place where adventures begin, where a real treasure could be discovered. It’s far out of his comfort zone, but that in itself is one of the reasons it’s so intriguing.
This thought process stops him in his tracks, the urge arising to properly study these shelves more and uncover exactly what it is about this place that evokes such a fanciful notion. Giving them a quick once-over, he doesn’t find anything different from before and with a quiet laugh at himself, he turns the corner.
Two things happen at once.
The first is he notices somebody propped up against the shelves, a book sitting in their lap, legs stuck out across the floor. Somebody who looks to be asleep.
The second is that his left foot gets caught between these legs and the floor and before he can fully process what this means, he’s sent flying towards the ground.
He lands with a solid thud, hands flung out in front of him just in time to prevent him face-planting into the dusty carpet. As he hits the floor, he rolls over onto his shoulder and is left staring up at the person, turned 90 degrees, with wide eyes.
The person’s eyes are wide open as well and Shion is immediately drawn to the soft grey of them, reflecting his own shocked gaze.
The person, a fellow student at Shion’s school (although Shion notes that they’re infracting at least three uniform regulations), narrows their eyes in what looks to be irritation.
Shion blurts out “I’m sorry for waking you up!” He bites his tongue instantly afterwards, his tone too forceful and his voice too loud, feeling like he’s just disturbed the quiet peace of this small world.
The irritation softens into something Shion can’t read, so he instead takes a moment to properly survey this strange student.
Their hair, long and black, is tied up into a messy ponytail, strands falling over their face like a fringe. For somebody who apparently spends their time falling asleep in mostly forgotten parts of the school library, they’re quite muscular, but still lithe and wiry. It’s their eyes that interest Shion the most, a shade unlike he’s ever seen before, something he could never hope to name and capture with his scientific vocabulary.
While Shion is staring at them, they seem to come to a conclusion, eyes closing in something like defeat. “It was my fault. I’m sorry,” they announce, standing up and brushing off their legs, making sure the page in their book is kept.
From their standing position, they extend a hand to Shion, still lying on the floor. He stares at the outstretched hand for a while, before it kicks in that he should take it. As he grabs the hand, the person pulls him up, grip strong and stance steady. Shion comes to his feet, a little shaky, staring up at the student.
He’s at a loss for words again and the person’s mouth twitches downwards in irritation like before. Shion searches for something to say, and, remembering the paper in his hand, he holds it up as if it’s his saving grace.
“Um! Do you know where I can find this book?” he stammers loudly, once again taken aback by the force in his voice afterwards. The student mercifully doesn’t react to it, instead taking the paper from Shion’s hand and reading it critically.
They lower the piece of paper, head turning to search the shelves, before reaching over and plucking out a thin volume. Casting their eyes over the cover, they confirm what they’ve found and offer the book to Shion.
“Here,” they say curtly and Shion accepts the book in bewilderment. They had found it in record time, showcasing their familiarity with the area and Shion’s curiosity is piqued even further.
However, instead of pursuing the questions he has swarming inside his head, he jerkily bows his head, blurting out a rushed thanks. When he lifts his head again, the expression on the other person’s face has changed, irritation replaced by something more resembling amusement.
With another head bow, Shion moves towards the opening of the aisle, pausing at the end to wave awkwardly at the student. They return the wave, face once again unreadable, and Shion hastily moves into the main passage, striding towards the exit. He’s more than halfway towards the opening when he realizes something.
“I didn’t even introduce myself,” he says out loud, stopping and half turning, as if he’s on his way to rectify this mistake. He stares down to the aisle where the student resided and thinks better of it, deciding that making his way back there just to give them his name would be even more embarrassing than not giving them it at all.
This train of thought eventually leads to the fact that he doesn’t know their name either and he’s surprised to find that he really, really wants to find out.
There’s something about them, the same aura that the dusty literature bookshelves radiated, enticing, drawing Shion in.
He wants to dismiss this feeling as another fancy and return to his ordered, technical world, but as his grip tightens around the book in his hands, something tells him he’ll be back in this column soon.
Maybe he could offer to replace the book when he returned it.
Later that afternoon, he’s walking home with Safu by his side. Safu’s house is close to the school and due to his own house being far away, most afternoons he spends at her place, waiting until Karan has finished work to come by and pick him up. Currently, he’s listening as she explains the newest theory she’s discovered, voice steady and words patient. He tries to be interested, because Safu’s explanations are always fascinating, but his mind continues to drift, and she soon notices.
“Shion? Are you ok?” she asks, voice soft and Shion feels a stab of guilt at not paying attention.
“Sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” he replies, turning up his palms. Safu’s head tilts slightly and she nods for him to go on.
He looks at her for a while, expression hesitant, before caving with a sigh. Hesitantly, he asks “is there anyone in our year with long black hair and grey eyes?”
Safu is surprised by the question, Shion rarely showed interest in other people, but she furrows her eyebrows and considers his question. At least 30 seconds pass and he’s almost lost hope when her expression clears.
“Yes, he calls himself Nezumi. I see him in the library sometimes,” she says and Shion knows it has to be the student he saw. His face lights up with a grin, taking her by surprise again. “Why are you asking?”
Shion smile abates into something more embarrassed. “Oh, I tripped over him when I was looking for a book. He was sleeping in the aisle and I didn’t see him and…” he trails off, realizing just how bad the story sounds. Safu is smiling now, eyebrows lifted in amusement.
“Well, that’s… one way to make a first impression,” she teases, giving Shion a fond look. He laughs along, nodding in agreement, but his mind has already wandered, back to those bookshelves and those grey eyes. He quietens, looking off into the distance.
Nezumi. The word echoes around Shion’s mind, a name to put to the face, a fact to put to the figure. With an absent minded smile on his face, he ponders his next meeting with Nezumi.
Safu notes this with curiosity, watching Shion walk along happily. She decides to let him be and they continue walking in a peaceful silence.
Shion arrives at school the next morning, backpack around his shoulders, with a strange sense of purpose. Meeting with Safu at the school gates with a wave, they walk to their lockers together, Safu oddly quiet. It’s not a bad or awkward silence, but it’s new, both of them with their minds on something else.
Taking advantage of it, Shion reflects on last night, tentatively exploring the clump of emotions inside of him.
When he had gotten home the night before, he’d immediately gone to his room, skipping over dinner with a rushed apology to his mum. Intending to go to sleep instantly since he’d finished all his homework at Safu’s house (he’d never wanted a day to end more), he had instead ended up staring at the ceiling for two hours.
It had been the most inconsequential of meetings, nothing life-changing, nothing groundbreaking, but Shion couldn’t shake it off.
He had fallen asleep after hours maybe, of tossing and turning, exhaustion falling off of him in waves. He had no dreams, his slumber strangely empty.
He had woken up just as the sun was barely rising and when he had looked outside his window, the first thing he noticed was the colour of the sky. It had been grey, the grey of his eyes, and so Shion had discovered the first way to describe them.
“The grey of the sky just before dawn,” he says experimentally as they enter the building, the words alien in his mouth. Beside him, Safu shoots him a curious look, the cogs of her brain turning.
After some deliberation, she seems to come to a conclusion, face lighting up with a smile, and she comments “That’s new.” Caught off guard, Shion doesn’t understand why she’s smiling, but he mirrors the smile nonetheless.
With a small laugh, he continues, cheeks colouring. “I think it’s my new favourite colour. The grey of the sky just before dawn.” Safu’s smile only grows, fondness creeping into her expression at the dreamy look on Shion’s face. He looks away, lost to some memory still vivid in his mind and they continue the rest of the walk in that initial, comfortable silence.
When they reach their lockers, next to each other through some stroke of luck, Safu unpacks her bag, still smiling. Without giving Shion a sideways glance, she starts talking again, her tone laced with something like admiration. “That’s what I like about you Shion. You’re so honest with your feelings.”
Shion considers this, pausing the movement of his hands, before he replies with a shrug. “It’s just what feels right to say.”
Safu accepts this answer with a nod, having turned to meet Shion’s gaze while he was talking. Watching her best friend be this worked up over somebody else when, prior to yesterday, he had rarely shown interest in other people is a novelty, sending waves of fondness through Safu.
It also awakens something like protectiveness, the urge to seek out Nezumi and find out what made him tick already running through Safu’s head. The few glimpses she had gotten of him during her times in the library didn’t tell her much, except that, considering the amount of time he spent in there, he’d probably read half of the classics section. When she had asked Inukashi last night, they’d been unable to offer any information except for complaints and insults. Eventually, when they’d run out of bad things to say, they had admitted they didn’t know Nezumi well at all, despite having spent a decent amount of time with him.
Despite the conversation lacking any real substance, Safu contents herself with two new pieces of knowledge from it nevertheless, either that Nezumi has some reason to push people away or that he’s too used to being alone. Both should be worrying, the one person Shion chose to dote on is a semi-delinquent loner who hangs out in dusty parts of the library, but when she looks at Shion, eyes lit up with a new fire, she can’t doubt him.
Shion can cast light on any shadow, no matter how dark.
Safu bids Shion goodbye as he heads towards his first class, leaving her to watch him leave for a while. Her gaze follows Shion for a second or two before something else catches her eye, a flash of a black jacket that is definitely not uniform and so the elusive Nezumi comes into her line of sight.
He’s heading the opposite way to Shion, eyes narrowed and flicking around the corridor. It’s inevitable, really, that his eyes will meet hers, grey meeting dark brown for a brief second. Nezumi doesn’t linger, already on the move within milliseconds, turning the corner and out of sight. With a shake of her head she starts walking towards her own class, resolving to find out more about this Nezumi.
Shion is true about his eyes at least. They really are like the grey dawn sky and Safu smiles at the thought of Shion’s open declaration today regarding them.
“You really are so obvious, Shion,” she muses under her breath with a sigh accompanying it. She almost feels sorry for Nezumi.
Shion marches into the library, determined. Three steps in, he falters. The shelves spread out in front of him, his eye immediately catching onto the spine of a biology book he really wanted to read.
He drifts towards it in his hesitation and figures that, maybe, he can bring something along to read in that dusty bookshelf aisle, something to show Nezumi.
At the thought, nervousness bubbles up inside of him. As soon as the lunch bell had rung, Shion had made for the library, intent on seeing Nezumi again. It’s a ridiculous notion, Shion had traded maybe twenty words with the other boy and he isn’t even sure if Nezumi would be back there or not, but he wants to see him again. The same pull that Shion had felt yesterday persists inside of Shion, drawing him back to the library insistently.
WIth a sigh, he takes another book and gathers up his resolve. He moves further into the library, leaving the common area behind. He spots Safu, rearranging a shelf, but resists the urge to talk with her. She watches him pass with a curious expression, mouthing something that looks like good luck when he goes by. He frowns at her and slows down enough to catch her rolling her eyes at him and turning back to the shelf.
He’s perplexed, but far too preoccupied to think more into it. Safu inexplicably always knows things before Shion does, something he’s learnt to live with. With a shrug, he continues walking. Drawing closer to the aisle that he last saw Nezumi, he’s plagued with doubts, filling his head and almost stopping him in his tracks.
Almost.
He turns the corner with a determined nod and almost repeats the mistake he made last time. Nezumi’s legs stick out across the aisle like they apparently always are and it’s only sheer luck that Shion’s step sails over them instead of hooking under and sending him sprawling again. He stumbles over Nezumi, pushed forward towards the end of the aisle and stands there for a moment. It takes him a few seconds of staring at the books in shock and recollecting himself before he can turn around and clearing his throat loudly.
Nezumi is staring at him with something that can only be described as shock, an expression that looks rather out of place on his features. Shion notes that it’s almost like a mask has been dislodged, the emotion not fitting properly onto Nezumi’s features.
He wonders how long it’s been since the quiet of these shelves had been disturbed.
Nezumi is still staring at him and Shion shifts awkwardly under his gaze. His grip on the book in his hand tightened, turning his knuckles white.
“Hey! Um, sorry… I didn’t introduce myself last time. I’m Shion! Nice to meet you. Also, do you always sit like that? Isn’t that a little dangerous? I’m pretty sure you’re violating some safety standards or something!”
He blurts it out in one go, leaving him plenty of time to be horrified in the silence afterwards. He opens his mouth to say something else, but comes up with nothing, faltering under Nezumi’s gaze. The other student is studying him critically and Shion is fearing the worst when the grey eyes spark with something that looks like amusement.
Relief crashes over him as the corners of Nezumi’s mouth turn upwards in a small smile, the mask being dislodged again. This time however, instead of seeming out of place, it fits against Nezumi’s features perfectly, floating somewhere between natural and unsettling.
The smile is brief and Nezumi is soon back to his default cool stare. His gaze still on Shion, he nods and replies in turn.
“I’m Nezumi,” he says and it sounds like a challenge. Shion considers how the other dresses, the set of his jaw, the spark in his eyes and thinks that maybe everything about Nezumi is a challenge. Shion smiles back at Nezumi in full force, because he’s never been one to back down.
“And,” Nezumi continues, “I’ve never really had anybody up here to endanger.”
Shion can understand the unspoken message clearly, except you with a little bit of what the hell are you even doing here. It’s a question he’s prepared for and he answers with confidence.
“Well, I wanted to start reading more books like this,” he says with a wave at the shelves around him, “and I didn’t know where to start and I thought that you could help me out. Since you seem familiar with this area.”
Nezumi gives Shion a curious look, until Shion realizes that the look is meant for the clearly scientific book clenched in his hand. He shuffles awkwardly, grip on the book loosening and gives a shrug. “I thought I might be able to study here too, since it’s so quiet.”
Nezumi receives this with eyebrows raised, but doesn’t question further. With a stretch of his arms, he draws his legs inwards, ending up sitting cross legged. He’s reclined on the shelf behind him, with his face leaning against his hand, which is propped up on the small protruding part of a shelf. He looks like he belongs, lounging among shelves of dusty books, scrutinizing Shion like the boy has invaded Nezumi’s territory.
“Have you read any Shakespeare?” The silence is broken by the question, thoughtful and considering.
Shion shakes his head. “Only Romeo and Juliet.”
“The Shakespeare section is an aisle down from here, on the left. Go find a copy of Hamlet,” Nezumi orders with his gaze off of Shion, eyes wandering back to the book in his lap instead.
Shion watches Nezumi pick his book back up, watches his expression soften as he loses himself in the novel. His grey eyes are cast downwards, gaze flicking from line to line and page to page. It takes a questioning look from Nezumi for Shion to remember that he has something to do and he sets off with a careful step over Nezumi’s once again outstretched legs.
He finds the section in no time with the library being so well-labelled and he’s soon returning to Nezumi with Hamlet in his hand. He had put away the science books before he went to get the play, assuming that he wouldn’t be doing much studying.
Shion returns to their aisle and stops at the entrance of the aisle, foregoing stepping over Nezumi’s legs. The other student looks up at him, taking in the book in his hand with a somewhat pleased expression. He shuffles towards the end of the shelves and pats the empty spot where he had just been with an expectant look at Shion.
Shion looks at the empty space, then at how Nezumi is sitting, legs across the floor, back against the shelf. His expression must’ve shown some of the doubt he feels, because Nezumi starts to talk.
“If you’re going to sit back here, you’ll have to deal with being a safety hazard,” he says, with another glance up at Shion. Although teasing, the words are a challenge and Shion sits down decisively. He earns an appraising look from Nezumi, who soon returns to flipping the pages of his book.
Shion, following suit, takes another look at the book in his own hands before flipping open the first page.
They sit together in silence and as Shion scans the lines of the play, he forgets that he’s the intruder in the peaceful scene.
“Shion.”
Safu clears her throat, amused smile on her face. Shion looks up and takes in the fence post centimetres away from his face with surprise. Hamlet rests in his hands and Shion, lost in the book, had veered off course and almost into the fence.
He looks back at Safu with a small laugh, colour flooding his cheeks.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be reading on the go,” Safu says, rolling her eyes as he tugs on Shion’s arm and leads him back into the centre of the path.
Shion nods but is reluctant to put the book away, fingers already pushing the book open in his hands. With a shake of her head, Safu continues walking, looking over her shoulder to make sure Shion is following. He’s reading again, concentrated on the book wholly, and Safu can only be glad that he’s walking straight now.
She slows down to let him catch up, taking in his distant gaze and content smile with curiosity. He has the same expression reading the book as when he had been talking about Nezumi, who no doubt is the source of Shion’s new interest in old literature.
With a careful eye on Shion to make sure he doesn’t walk into anything, they continue without any more talk.
It’s the second time she and Shion have walked home in silence and while she doesn’t know how to feel about it, she’s sure that it’s not a bad thing.
Safu sits at a table in the library common, not fully paying attention to the laptop in front of her. She’s free of her library helper duties for today, leaving her plenty of time to complete her task for the day.
She catches sight of somebody entering the library, looking more like a shadow than a person, and greets Nezumi with a smile.
He stops in his tracks at the sight of her, glaring suspiciously. She gestures to the seat in front of her, shrugging in acceptance when he remains where he is.
She clears her throat politely, and says “hello, Nezumi.”
He nods in response, narrowed eyes still fixed on her.
“If this is about those overdue books, I said that I’d pay for them next week,” he says, crossing his arms defensively. Safu shakes her head with an amused smile.
“It’s not about that, but you should probably avoid the librarian. He’s out for your blood.”
Nezumi scoffs as if the information isn’t new to him and Safu has to wonder how he hasn’t been kicked out of the library yet. She continues calmly, adding “it’s about Shion.”
Nezumi is immediately back on the defensive, something lighting up in his eyes. Safu studies his reaction, curious as to how Nezumi felt about her best friend.
“You’re his friend right? I see you guys together a lot,” Nezumi asks, voice flat and unreadable. “Or… are you dating?” He goes on to say with a raise of his eyebrows. Safu gives a short laugh, resisting the urge to add no, I’ll leave that to you.
Instead, she shakes her head while saying “I’ve just heard an awful lot about you, some of which doesn’t lend towards your stellar reputation.” The words are accented with a pointed look at the blatant non-uniform jacket Nezumi is wearing. The boy’s expression turns thoughtful, like he’s just been given the upper hand and is considering what to do with it.
With a slight smile, he remarks “is this a protective older sister thing then? Afraid I’m going to corrupt your golden boy?” Safu rolls her eyes and laughs softly, not the reaction he was expecting judging by the thrown look on his face.
“I’m just saying,” Safu says, standing up and shutting her laptop lid, “that if you continue making Shion as happy as you are now, then we’ll be spending a lot more time together.”
Gathering up her things, she shoots one last critical stare at Nezumi. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Nezumi doesn’t say anything, surprise lining his face. He opens his mouth, before snapping it closed and bringing his expression back to his cold default. Still speechless, he turns his head up and strides further into the library, hands shoved into his pockets roughly.
Safu gives a small laugh as somebody emerges from the bookshelf aisle behind her.
“He really has a flair for the dramatic huh?” she comments, to which Inukashi nods.
“Nezumi is only good for two things, being dramatic and running away. As shown just then,” they remark derisively. Safu laughs again, turning to face Inukashi.
“Don’t be so harsh. He’s going to have to deal with Shion, after all.”
Inukashi nods, conceding with a sigh. “They’re both weirdos. Perfect for each other, really.”
Safu lets Inukashi have the last word and lets them continue complaining about Nezumi in peace.
“I finished Hamlet!” Shion announces as he sits down beside Nezumi, who nods at him in greeting.
“That was fast,” he remarks and Shion nods enthusiastically.
“It was really good!” he says and then continues in a spiel about his thoughts on Hamlet and his actions. Nezumi watches him all through this, a strange look on his face. Shion takes notice of this when he finally winds down, slightly out of breath.
“Are you ok Nezumi? Sorry if I got carried away; I’ve just never really read anything like that before,” he hastily apologizes, turning his head downwards in unease. Nezumi shakes his head, snapping out of whatever trance he had been in.
“It’s fine. Keep talking; you have some interesting ideas,” he encourages, although his voice is rough and gaze anywhere but Shion.
The other boy notes this with curiosity, how Nezumi avoids his gaze, and reaches out to pull at Nezumi’s sleeve.
“Are you sure you’re alright? You seem a little distracted,” he asks again, voice softer this time. Nezumi almost grimaces at his touch, but manages to keep his expression neutral.
“I’m fine Shion,” he affirms again, with enough edge in his voice that Shion knows to drop the subject. Shion shrugs, shoulder brushing against Nezumi’s, and he’s made aware of how close he’s sitting to Nezumi.
In fact, Shion is made aware of many things regarding Nezumi, how there’s a slight colour to his cheeks, how his eyes struggle to stay on the page of his books, how his hands constantly fidget.
He’s not sure what to make of it, the sudden discovery that there’s something off about Nezumi, something he won’t tell Shion. With caution, Shion reaches out and places his hand on Nezumi’s arm, squeezing it reassuringly. Nezumi looks up, startled at the gently smiling face of Shion.
“Nezumi?” Shion asks softly. Nezumi nods, throat dry. “Thanks for putting up with me.”
Nezumi stares long and hard at Shion, something filling the usually serene grey eyes, and he turns his gaze away from Shion.
“It’s no problem. You’re quite fun to have around.”
It’s Shion’s sixth reading session with Nezumi, as he has come to refer to them. They don’t do much else apart from reading, Shion loathe to disturb the quiet with whatever conversation that filled his head. He’s moved on from King Lear, now reading Macbeth on Nezumi’s recommendation.
The play is safe in his bag as he walks into the library, intending to go straight to the usual hideaway, when something very strange catches his eye.
Safu is sitting at a common table, book in front of her, looking for all the world like somebody is supposed to in a library. The shocking thing about the situation is Nezumi, Nezumi also looking like a completely normal library-going student, sitting in the chair next to her.
Shion is so taken off guard that he stops in his tracks, standing in the entrance of the library and staring at the two in confusion. They look completely comfortable in each other’s company, like they’ve been friends their whole lives, leaving Shion bewildered and partly relieved.
He had been worried about how to reconcile these two important parts of his life: Nezumi, already a constant despite the short amount of time Shion had known him, and Safu, Shion’s best and longest-standing friend.
Despite his relief at seeing them already acquainted, he can’t help but wonder how it happened, seeing as there are so little things they have in common.
Safu looks up from her book and catches sight of Shion still standing in the doorway. She waves him over with a benevolent smile and points to the seat opposite her. He walks over hastily, setting his bag down and taking the seat Safu had pointed out.
Nezumi looks up from his book as Shion sits down, giving him a small smile as greeting. Lately, Nezumi had been smiling at Shion more often, even if they weren’t talking much and it fills Shion with a strange sense of triumph.
His preoccupation with Nezumi’s smile is short-lived however, as the reality of his two best friends who previously had nothing to do with each other sets in. With a confused look, he clears his throat awkwardly.
“Nezumi, why are you out here?” he asks. Nezumi, who had just returned to his book, looks up with an almost tired gaze.
“She bribed me,” he says shortly, before bringing his gaze back to the volume in his hands.
Shion turns his gaze to Safu, wide eyed with confusion and disbelief.
“You bribed him?” he asks incredulously. Safu tuts dismissively, waving a hand.
“All I did was talk with him.”
“She bribed me with my grades.”
“I offered to tutor you. It’s not my fault you’re failing physics.”
Shion watches the exchange with a bemused expression, neither Safu nor Nezumi looking up from their respective book as they traded barbs. They seem incredibly familiar with each other already, apparently from just a few tutoring sessions, and Shion finds himself impressed.
“You guys sound like friends already,” he says with a smile and they both stop talking abruptly. Nezumi turns his head to the side with a huff, while Safu becomes very interested in the book in front of her. Shion laughs at them, drawing both of their gazes to his beaming smile.
Nezumi catches sight of something behind Shion and stands up out of his chair with a start.
“I need to go,” he announces, pushing his books into the worn bag beside him and before Shion or Safu can argue, he’s walking towards the door and out it. Safu stares after him in confusion, while Shion frowns at the empty space he just left.
“Does he always do that?” Safu asks, to which Shion shakes his head. It’s the first time he’s seen Nezumi go anywhere so urgently, beating the slow saunter he adopts when walking to class or walking home.
“Well, it doesn’t matter. I have something for you,” Safu disregards Nezumi’s departure within seconds, now focused on the slips of paper she’s pulling out of her bag and laying on the table. Shion recognizes them as tickets to something and gives her an inquisitive look.
“Do you want to see the second year production tomorrow?” she asks, clarifying the origin of the tickets.
He shrugs, checking his mind to see if he has anything on that afternoon. “Yeah, sure. I didn’t know you liked theatre though,” he replies, to which Safu sighs with a fond smile.
“It’s Inukashi’s first time programming the light set and they’re forcing me into going, so I asked if you could come along as well.”
Shion nods in understanding and takes the proffered ticket from the table. Safu gives him a smile, then looks at the watch on her wrist with a grimace.
“We should be getting home. It’s pointless to stay here, since our pupil has disappeared,” She sighs, referring to Nezumi’s sudden exit, and Shion mutters his assent. They pack up their belongings, Shion’s left untouched for the whole afternoon, then set off for home.
Shion remembers all the questions he had regarding Safu and Nezumi’s apparent friendship and immediately voices them and together they walk home, chattering back and forth, falling into their old rhythm.
“Safu? Are you here?” Shion whispers into the darkness, where he thinks Safu should be. He’s late for the show and the lights have already dimmed, leaving him fumbling around in the dark.
There’s a quiet response and then a hand is pulling him into the seat as Safu’s face slowly comes into view.
“You’re late,” she states in a low voice and Shion nods sheepishly.
“Sorry!” he whispers back, adding something about how he got sidetracked reading. She rolls her eyes despairingly, but doesn’t reply. Shion can sense that the show is about to start and turns his attention to the dark stage.
It lights up, illuminating a young boy.
He begins to narrate.
Half of the play, an intermission and another good part of the play later, Shion is no more interested in the production than he was at first, all polite attentiveness and the occasional positive remark about a well done lighting sequence to Safu.
However, despite his disinterest, the story is wrapping up, the hidden princess soon to be revealed. He unconsciously leans closer to the stage in apprehension, caught up momentarily in the story.
The curtains, drawn before the reveal, part again and a tall figure emerges.
Shion recognizes them instantly.
“It’s Nezumi!” he hisses, turning to Safu, who’s just as surprised as he is. Shion whirls back again to study Nezumi intently, watching how elegantly Nezumi poses in the dress, hair let down and falling onto his shoulders.
Nezumi opens his mouth and starts to sing.
Shion forgets to breathe.
Nezumi’s voice is indescribable to Shion, a clutter of words he’s learnt from his latest books throwing themselves together in a muddle inside Shion’s head. The whole theatre has gone silent under the weight of Nezumi’s voice and Shion finally finds something to say.
It sounds like the wind, twirling through the audience and up into the rafters, carrying far into the sky. Nezumi sings about his lost love, eyes closed and face lost in the act. His voice takes over the entire stage, overshadowing anything that preceded it, and Shion feels like a snowstorm has just passed through, leaving a blanket of snow dampening the atmosphere.
Nezumi finishes, and the silence is held for a few seconds.
Shion stands up in his seat, clapping furiously, and before he can register it, the entire audience follows, theatre erupting in applause.
Nezumi’s grey eyes find Shion, or maybe Shion finds Nezumi’s gaze, and Nezumi gives him a smile.
Shion beams back.
“You’re in the theatre club!” Shion declares as he walks into the aisle where Nezumi resides.
Nezumi winces at the loud pronouncement, shooting Shion a hurt glare. Shion responds with an apologetic nod, and sits down in his usual place next to Nezumi.
“I didn’t know you could act. Or sing,” he says, softer this time.
Nezumi shrugs. “It wasn’t exactly a secret.”
Shion pouts in response, annoyed that he had somehow missed this crucial information about Nezumi. It doesn’t last long however, his face lighting up with an idea within seconds.
“You should sing for me, back here!” he exclaims happily. Nezumi turns to give him a tired look.
“No.”
“Aw, why not?” Shion whines imploringly. Nezumi gives him another exasperated glance.
“Buy tickets to the third year performance if you want to see me perform again so badly,” he snaps as he closes his book. It sounds final but Shion presses on nonetheless.
“Come on, can you at least read me some lines? From this book, maybe?” Shion offers the book he had been reading and Nezumi groans in annoyance.
“You’re really persistent, did you know that?” he says with a barely contained sigh and Shion knows he’s won. Nezumi pulls the book out of Shion’s grasp and stands up with a long suffering look. He starts talking.
Shion watches as Nezumi acts, the book in one hand, the other hand gesturing expressionately. He slips perfectly into each character, bringing the book to life like Shion never could in his head. He doesn’t move his eyes from Nezumi, taking in every second of his performance and for a second it’s just them in the world that Nezumi’s creating.
Nezumi finishes by snapping the book shut and bowing. Shion wants to clap but he hesitates, not wanting to destroy the peace of their sanctuary with the loud noise, so instead he stands up and lunges at Nezumi in a hug.
The other boy is totally taken off guard, mouth open in surprise as he stumbles backwards under the force of Shion’s hug. Shion doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he knows it feels right and so continues to cling to Nezumi, arms around his waist.
Nezumi regains his balance and his composure, but surprisingly doesn’t move to dislodge Shion. They stand there for a while, in each other’s embrace, before Shion realizes just exactly what he’s doing and breaks free instantly.
He stares at Nezumi with wide eyes, mouth open with no sound coming out. Nezumi watches him with a strange expression, just as speechless.
“Well,” he finally says as Shion gives him a examining look.
“Well?”
“I thought I had some decent acting, but I’ll admit. I didn’t think you’d like it that much.”
Shion stares at him for a while and doubt crosses Nezumi’s face, but is soon dispersed as Shion breaks into laughter. This surprises Nezumi just as much as the hug did, his gaze scattered as he watches Shion double over, lighting up the area with his warm laugh.
Shion finally manages to calm down enough to look at Nezumi properly, whose expression has softened into a fond smile, watching Shion with endearment.
“Maybe I should consider being a comedian,” Nezumi comments dryly, earning him another bright laugh from Shion.
They sit back down but soon discard their books in favour of talking to each other and Shion is too lost in the conversation to realize he’s become somebody that belongs here, intruder no longer.
Shion lines up at the office, money clenched in his hand. He’s about to reach the receptionist’s desk when he sees somebody coming out from the left, moving to the receptionist’s side and murmuring something in her ear.
She nods at the person and they leave with a solemn expression. Shion’s at the desk now, ready to ask the receptionist for a ticket when she raises a hand and stands up.
“The third year production is being cancelled. You can ask for refunds tomorrow evening. I’m sorry for the inconvenience,” she sits back down with an apologetic look at Shion, whose mind is reeling.
“What do you mean, it’s cancelled?” he blurts out, and she sighs in response.
“Apparently the lead actor is being dismissed, I’m not sure of the details. I’m sorry dear.”
She looks genuinely regretful, sending pangs of guilt through Shion. He nods in response, apologizing for shouting, and walks off quickly with his new found information.
He’s sure that the lead actor is Nezumi and if Nezumi is being dismissed from the show, then there must be something really wrong. He walks out of the office, shoving the money back into his pocket and heading for the library, determined.
“He’s not there.”
The comment comes from Shion’s left and Safu steps into view.
“What do you mean?” Shion demands.
She gives him a conflicted look. “Nezumi’s not there. I checked.”
Shion realizes that she must know about the show being cancelled too and is about to explode with questions when she shakes her head. “I heard that he’s at the nurse’s office. Go.”
The command is final and Shion heads for the door instantly, shouting a thanks at Safu. He stops for long enough, however, to think about why Nezumi would be in the sick bay. Building up with worry and concern, he quickens his pace, almost running down the corridors to the nurse’s office.
Shion bursts through the door akin to how a knight in shining armour would: with brute force and pointless noise. Breathing heavily from how quickly he had run to the sick bay, he surveys the area, taking in the figure slumped on the furthest bed quickly. They’re the only two people, the nurse gone somewhere and no other students inside.
Nezumi is staring up at the ceiling blankly, eyes unseeing. Shion spots the cut on his lip and the swollen bump around his eye instantly, and gasps in horror.
Nezumi doesn’t look at him.
“Nezumi, what happened?” Shion asks, suddenly aware of the oppressive atmosphere in the room. He steps towards Nezumi’s bed slowly, hands clenched into fists.
Grey eyes turn towards him, filled with fire, the first time Nezumi has acknowledged Shion.
“Please get out,” he murmurs. Shion shakes his head adamantly.
“Please tell me what happened.”
Nezumi gives Shion a scathing look, the most malicious one he’s ever given Shion, and the other boy is taken aback at first. Nonetheless, he gulps and stands strong under Nezumi’s glare, until the other closes his eyes in defeat.
“I got into a fight.”
Nezumi doesn’t speak for a while. Shion waits.
Finally, the dark haired boy’s expression softens completely and he opens his eyes again.
“They were talking shit about you and Safu and it was so fucking gross, so I just… lost it.”
Shion’s heart skips a beat.
“You got into a fight… for me?” he asks, trying to keep the wonder out of his voice. Nezumi gives an empty laugh.
“I know, I’m thinking about how much of a shitty decision that was too. Probably gonna get suspended. Definitely kicked out of the play.”
He sounds defeated, the challenge gone out of him and Shion panics.
“They can’t kick you out, you’re the main character!” he protests, but the words are empty with the knowledge that the show is being cancelled altogether. Nezumi sits up stiffly, giving Shion a searching look, before dropping his gaze. Shion reaches out for him but withdraws his hand with a worried frown.
“Nezumi, I’m sorry,” he whispers instead, hoping the words will reach Nezumi better than his touch. Nezumi looks up at Shion, expression twisting into something Shion can’t read.
“Can you please just leave?” Nezumi asks, almost desperate in trying to push Shion away. Shion’s worry deepens and he does reach out this time, grabbing at Nezumi’s wrist decisively.
“Just talk to me. We can figure this out,” Shion insists, grip tightening around Nezumi’s wrist, who’s trying to pull away, “we can talk to the club and the principal and we-”
“Stop it Shion,” Nezumi snaps suddenly, the sound filling the room. “This isn’t a we thing. We aren’t anything and we can’t do anything.”
Shion is silent for a long time after that, releasing Nezumi’s wrist. Nezumi is almost convinced he’s going to leave when Shion speaks again.
“I’m not going anywhere, and there is a we. I haven’t spent most of the last two weeks with you for you to just start pushing me away because something happened that set you back. We have a bond and we are going to figure this out together!” His voice rises in volume as he continues and he’s almost shouting by the end of it, out of breath and red in the face.
Nezumi stares at him, taking in everything about Shion with incredulous eyes and laughs bitterly.
“What do you even know about bonds?” he spits, the fight suddenly back and running through his veins. Shion responds in turn, hands clenched and heart bared.
His voice is quiet but steady, words drawn out and enunciated.
“I know about some bonds. I know about ionic bonding, where somebody gives up something they don’t need and gives it to somebody who does need it, making both happy,” he glares at Nezumi, who has his mouth open as if he’s about to protest. Nezumi snaps his jaw shut.
“I know about metallic bonding, where both people give up something they don’t need and share the burden with each other. I know about covalent bonding, where somebody shares something that another person needs, so that they’re all content. I know all about chemistry and science and all the bonding there, I know it better than I know some things about myself.”
He pauses for breath and Nezumi just watches him, expression guarded.
“But, I guess you’re right. Because I don’t know about this bond,” he gestures to Nezumi and himself.
“I have no goddamn idea what we have but I want to know, I want to learn, more than anything in the world. I want to know so much and I want to see so much but there isn’t anything I want to understand more than I want to understand what’s holding us together, what keeps drawing me to you.”
Shion steps closer to Nezumi and grabs him by the hands. “I want to understand you and I want to understand us and I want to be able to be equal with you. Don’t you want to understand Nezumi? Don’t you feel it too?”
He’s pleading by the last words, clinging onto Nezumi’s hands and gaze like they’re his lifeline, wide eyes imploring.
Nezumi closes his eyes and takes in a shuddering breath. Then another. Then another, until he’s sure that he’ll remember how to breathe through what he’s about to say.
“I don’t know if I want to understand us at all, because we scare me. I’m scared, of you, of us, of whatever it is that we have connecting us and I’m scared of it more than anything. Maybe because I don’t understand it,” he opens his eyes and gives Shion a piercing gaze.
“I had such an uneventful life up until you walked in and before you I was so ready to just graduate, move out of this town and into the world or die trying. But now, there’s something keeping me here, you are keeping me here and that scares me more than anything. You’re tethering me down and I don’t know if I want that.”
Nezumi returns Shion’s grasp, enough to turn his hands white.
“This,” he murmurs, waving at the space between him and Shion, “scares me, because I don’t know what to do with it. It’s new and alien, just like you are, and I don’t know how to respond.”
Shion watches Nezumi as he says all this and realizes, with strange clarity, that this is the first time Nezumi hasn’t worn his mask around Shion.
“I don’t have to be a tether. I can go with you. I’d go anywhere with you.”
Shion says the words in a measured tone, meaning every one. “We can work through this. We can understand this together. Maybe I’m a little scared as well, but we can work through that too.”
He pulls Nezumi up by the hands, the other boy following him willingly and then they’re standing face to face. Nezumi looks vulnerable, scared, but most of all he looks trusting. The expression on his face is open, believing, hopeful, and Shion knows that his face is mirroring it.
They stand like that for a long time, long enough for Shion to lose count of how many times Nezumi blinks in bewilderment. Finally, Nezumi’s face breaks into a disbelieving smile and he gives a soft laugh.
“Did you make all that up on the spot? I should recruit you as a scriptwriter,” Nezumi says, no teasing or ill intent behind the words, only muted wonder. Shion responds with an awkward laugh, shuffling on the spot and casting his eyes downwards with embarrassment.
“Shion,” Nezumi murmurs, returning Shion’s gaze to Nezumi’s grey eyes. “Fuck. Let’s do it.”
“Do what?”
“Everything. Work this out. All the stuff that you said before. Together.”
Shion is taken off guard at first but soon beams at Nezumi, caught up in the moment.
Nezumi returns the smile and they stand in the middle of the nurse’s office, grinning at each other, hands clasped together.
Shion brings his forehead forward to bump against Nezumi’s, and, his face centimetres away from Nezumi’s own, he whispers “You know Nezumi, sometimes when we’re together, I feel like we could change the world.” It’s spoken like a secret, reverent and awestruck, like he’s telling Nezumi the great meaning of life.
Nezumi’s smile only grows as he laughs again, brighter, louder, freer this time.
“Shion, stop talking and just kiss me already,” he whispers back fiercely. Shion’s eyes widen, breath catching in his throat.
Then, he’s moving forward, pressing his lips to Nezumi’s, and his hands are letting go of Nezumi’s own and moving upwards to grasp at Nezumi’s face. They push against each other insistently, unable to keep the smiles off of their faces. Nezumi’s arms wrap around Shion and Shion notices how he smells like old, dusty books and rain and home, home, home.
They break apart, going back to touching foreheads and Nezumi murmurs his agreement in broken words and rushed sentences.
“Maybe we can Shion. Maybe we can do anything.”