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In another universe, he’s on the floor of a shitty apartment nursing a can of beans thinking about the next time he’s going to see her — wondering if she has ever put on the compass, if it pointed her to happiness, wherever that might be.
Except that’s not now, and he’s grateful for that.
Instead he’s sitting in the pews of a church next to her son, watching her hold the newest Carisi and his present reflects off the stain glass in a way that he’ll thank the man upstairs for later on. He got to drive her here, got to wait in her kitchen with Noah and catch up on his innocent drama. The teen told him how Katherine’s mom made a snide comment about Olivia at the last recital and she won’t admit that it bothered her. How the woman asked about who the man she was with, about if he was single — it was indeed him, and he made sure Lori saw his hand on the small of her back, because he can do that now. He can let the world know he’s hers.
She can call him into her bedroom and ask him to zip up her dress and he has every right to take his time, dropping kisses to her bare shoulder and watching her skin flare up. She can spin around to press a chaste kiss to his lips before turning back around so they aren’t late. They left the house on time, he made sure she didn’t forget her gloves again even though he liked having to be the one to keep her hands warm the last time they ventured out.
He sits stiff on the bench, next to her son who’s next to Fin, who didn’t bat an eye at them arriving together, even though this is their first public event. Even though Olivia was hiding her anxiety of bringing him today underneath an “I’m fine” and wandering eyes. He gave her the space to ease into it, dropped her off in front with her son so they wouldn’t freeze and parked the car down the block, giving himself a chance to walk it out, shake off the nervous energy he carried as well.
This was new for both of them, even if it feels right. They work, but they’re learning; he wants to do everything right today.
He almost slips up when Carisi’s cousin pounces on her immediately because — well, look at her. The dress she’s wearing had him taking steady breaths, remembering his marine training to keep his eyes no lower than where the compass sat proudly. It’s not his best quality, needing to slide up behind her and spook her slightly to make the man shuffle away. He settled away after her body stiffened, but she rolled her eyes and smiled it off, knowing this was him, not willing to admit out loud that she liked this part of him too, for as brute as it was.
He politely greeted everyone, some surprised to see him, but grateful nonetheless. This was her family; he knew that. He wanted them to warm up to him and know he was home for good and today was step one.
So he sits in the pews, watching her with glistening eyes and a soft smile because there she is, Olivia Benson, holding a baby (her third godchild) as he gets baptized and she’s wearing his compass. And when the stained glass reflects it his way, he doesn’t want to say it’s pointing to him, but their eyes lock, she smiles at him, and he thinks she can feel it too.
Olivia knows it’s the dad in him that has him running around the restaurant, making Jesse and Billie belly laugh so hard that their cheeks hurt. That the girl-dad in him knows exactly how to entertain the giggling duo and also keep Noah in mind, whispering good hiding spots for the newly thirteen year old. She won’t admit it outright, but it’s one of the main qualities she loves about him.
“You didn’t tell me you’re holding out on the best babysitter, Liv,” Amanda tosses out there, pulling her out of a daze she didn’t mean to fall into. How embarrassing to be ogling her… whatever he is— in front of all her friends and colleagues. The blonde snags a club soda, turning her back to the bar and following where her friend’s eyes land. Billie is tugging on his tie, arms up, and next thing she knows, he’s got her flailing in his arms.
“Seriously, the girls are going to pass out in the car.”
Olivia warmly chuckles, shaking her head to refocus on the woman beside her, as she fiddles with the stem of the wineglass in her hand. “Happy to have brought help,” she lands on, not knowing what to say. They all knew her and Elliot weren’t a secret. But still, 25 years later, the awkwardness is still there.
Her friend gives her a minute before prodding, but Olivia knew it would inevitably come. “You seem good,” Amanda finally confesses.
And because it’s the one person she would say it to, Olivia smiles and doesn’t second guess herself when she says, “We are.”
It’s a truth she’s finally willing to admit, even if that part of her who’s waiting for him to run still lives inside her. They’ve gotten past the first hurdle and he’s proven himself so far, through heated whispers against her bare skin and in the way he makes her coffee in the morning. He’s right here, he wants to be here, and he is staying.
“Good,” Amanda smiles back. “I’m happy for you.”
Her right hand drifts to the compass again, fingers subconsciously wrapping around the pendant as he turns the corner with a girl in each of his arms, laughing so hard they are out of breath and his eyes find her again.
“Lead you to happiness, Liv.”
He held off for 25 years and now that they’ve crossed the threshold, it’s even harder to control himself now. God, he wants to kiss her.
Elliot had slid in where Amanda had been standing, gently placing the girls down who needed a minute to catch their breaths. Carisi shuffled in with Nicky and Olivia held her hands out instinctively so the parents could give some attention to the girls — and because he knew she selfishly wanted to hold the baby again.
And he doesn't mind at all.
Now, he’s so close to her and she’s got the baby in her arms and he wants to kiss her in front of everyone.
He can’t control the soft smile nor the juxtaposing stare (it’s intense, he knows, because Olivia Benson is holding a baby and he, once again, needs to kiss her). But she is looking back at him with warm eyes and a playful grin and it feels light enough for him to tease, “Look at you, godmom.”
She laughs lightly, bouncing the baby a little, eyes shifting towards Nicky, who tugs on one of her loose curls. Her lips purse uncomfortably for a second, snagging the strand away from him. “Just want to be helpful,” she deflects, but Elliot knows her too well.
“Mhmm,” he hums, offering up his index finger to the baby who just wants something to hold onto. They’re a circuit, all connected, and her eyes fall back to him.
“You’re one to talk. You nearly killed the girls.”
“Just keeping ‘em occupied.”
“Mhmm,” she hums, mimicking him, eyebrows raised.
He concedes to her, although he’s not ashamed to admit it outright. “And maybe I wanted your friends to like me.”
She chuckles softly. “They already know you, Elliot.”
“Parts of me, yeah,” he shrugs. His voice lowers when he reminds her, “Not like you.”
He watches her swallow down something before she tosses him a smile that has him nearly breaking the glass of scotch in his hand.
“True,” she whispers, and it’s her lips that meet his briefly.
He tries not to smile goofily at her willingly kissing him in front of her people, and he’s glad when she pulls back, Nicky’s babbling distracts them both as he’s got the compass in his tiny fist.
“You know, I think it’s working,” she hushes, carefully tugging the pendant out of his hand.
“Yeah?”
She doesn’t answer and this time when their eyes meet, it’s his lips on hers.