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Chapter Text

“I have determined not to say anything that cannot stand as the last thing I ever say.”

~ Unknown 

Ever since the explosion, Rex couldn't shake the numbness that had continued to sink deeper into his flesh like the sharp claws of a nexu.

Most people would want it to go away; would do everything in their power to get rid of the feeling that put a dim lens on the world.

Rex welcomed it.

He welcomed the cold nothingness as it washed over his entire body. Being numb made things easier—made fighting easier. Made protecting the Jedi easier.

Only, he hadn't done that very well, either. He'd protected General Piell just about as well as he'd protected—

Rex winced at the memory, grateful for the anonymity his helmet gave him. If he stood tall, no one would know he felt like he was sinking. If he fought well, no one would know part of him felt like it was dying.

Cody had lost men, too, and Rex didn't even know the names of some of them. It was just another thing to hate himself for, and yet another thing not to dwell on—not if he wanted to make it through the last of this battle.

Cody had lost men, too, but Echo was different. Echo was special, and Rex knew Cody knew that.

Echo was his vod'ika—their vod’ika—the one Rex was supposed to protect. It hadn't been any secret that Cody had wanted the Dominos on his team, but Rex had gotten to them first.

Maybe, Rex mused as he blasted a hole through the pin-head of a droid, Cody had let him get to them first. He wouldn't have put it past his older brother.

The Rishi Outpost seemed so long ago, Rex could hardly remember the details.

He could hardly remember anything other than that explosion. Fives' scream replayed itself through his mind and he recalled how his own throat had been too dry in that moment to say anything.

He hated himself for that, too.

Fives hadn't said one word since then, making Rex wonder if the numbness had gotten to him as well. If that numb nothing would last forever, then neither of them would have to think about it, not really…

The battle ended with a rescue.

Where was that rescue when we needed it hours ago, I wonder.

They lost brothers every kriffing day, that was only natural. It was what they were all born to do.

Born to die. He’d overheard one of the bounty hunters back on Kamino say that, once.

But Echo was special. He wasn't supposed to die.

Blinking dry eyes—he didn't have time for tears, nor were they welcome—Rex stepped into the hangar bay and let himself breathe a sigh of relief.

It was over.

Maybe if it had ended sooner, Echo would still be—

Slamming down on that thought, Rex scanned what was left of his troops. That… really just meant Fives. How did that just mean Fives?

He didn’t really want to think about when it had all gone so wrong.

Fives stood tall, but Rex could tell he was sinking, too.

Of all the venator-class ships sent to rescue them, he was glad to be on Wolffe's. His brother's ship felt familiar, felt safe. And he knew Wolffe would be there for Cody.

Cody had lost men, too, but Echo was—

Sucking in a breath sent spikes stabbing through his lungs. In the grand scheme of things, Echo wasn't really all that different. The loss of Cody's men was probably hitting him just as deeply, and yet, all Rex could focus on was—

"Echo!"

He'd never heard Fives scream like that before and he was certain he'd never stop hearing it. Every time it flashed through his brain, a wince twisted his face.

And for the umpteenth time, Rex was beyond grateful for his helmet.

When Wolffe approached their haggard group, Rex noticed a subtle quickness in his step, as if he couldn't get to them fast enough.

The Jedi had wandered off to discuss… things, he supposed. Things regarding General Piell, the information, and probably Ahsoka. Maybe. The numbness wouldn't let him think beyond the current moment—current second.

Wolffe didn't ask if they were okay, that would've been stupid and they all knew it, but his expression betrayed his concern… and his relief that they were all still standing.

Not all of us.

"What is this now?" he began, his tone reflecting none of the tension on his face. "The fifth time the Wolfpack's had to save you two?" This got a light chuckle out of Cody. Light, yet hollow. Rex's throat was still too dry to force any kind of sound out of it. "I think the 104th should be reassigned to rescue missions only from now on, we always seem to be the ones getting called."

Another chuckle, this one a mere shell of Cody's usual laugh.

Wolffe's face pinched tighter, his last shred of humor fading. "How many this time?"

As Cody's chest gave a slight hitch, Rex turned on his heel and began making his retreat. Wolffe could help Cody in ways no one else really knew how. Not Fox, not Bly, not even himself. Whenever Rex tried to help his brother, somehow, Cody just ended up helping him instead.

Sometimes, Rex hated himself for that.

But only sometimes.

Besides, the numbness didn't seem too keen on letting Rex heal right now, and that was just as well. He needed to find Fives, needed to help someone; to be there for someone.

There was nothing quite like comforting someone else to make you forget about your own shattered soul. To make you feel useful and busy.

And distraction from the pain just waiting to poke out and rear its ugly head.

A quick scan told him that Fives was no longer in the hangar. That was fine. Rex needed to get out of there, anyway, if he had any hope of regulating his breathing again.

Though he didn't really have any idea of where Fives might’ve gone—this wasn't the Resolute; it wasn't as familiar to the ARC trooper as it was to the captain—Rex let his legs drive him forward. Maybe he would stumble upon Fives at some point.

He couldn't have gotten far.

There wasn't a bunk to go to and Fives didn't really have any friends here. It was funny, Rex mused, how one could be surrounded by a sea of brothers and not have any friends; that close kind of brother… the kind that had the word vod meaning more than just blood ties.

Vode like Jesse, Kix, Hardcase. Like Echo…

"Echo!"

Every time that scream replayed, it got louder and more ragged; clearer, yet somehow more distorted at the same time.

Any louder and Rex wouldn't be able to hear himself think.

Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing…

Ten minutes crawled by with no sign of Fives.

Fifteen minutes.

Twenty.

Twenty-five…

The half hour mark brought Rex to the shooting range. After a mission like this, it was empty save for one lone trooper.

Fives stood in the middle of the room, the blaster in his hand limp at his side, but still humming and at the ready.

His trembling, shaking hand.

Fives' helmet lay discarded at his feet, his eyes fixed on the target ahead.

Maybe he had been having trouble breathing, too. If it weren't for the feeling of security it gave him, Rex would've ripped his own helmet off ages ago.

Neither said anything at first, but Rex could tell Fives knew he was there. A few more minutes of silence and maybe Rex could finally get his throat to open; get his mouth to speak.

Wetting his lips, he began in a soft voice, "Do you—?"

"No," came Fives' quick reply.

All right. So, he didn't want to talk about it at the moment.

Good. Rex didn't really want to talk about it, either. He couldn't, not if he wanted to keep his eyes dry.

Rex cleared his throat. "Are you—?"

"No," Fives shot back before taking a sharp breath, his gaze never moving from the target. Rex wondered briefly who he saw there. "Just… no. Not right now."

Okay.

Fives had always been free with his words and ideas, but never with his emotions. Never with his soul. Not to anyone, at least, except—

"Echo!"

Rex shut his eyes and took a breath.

Fives never looked his way.

Maybe if he hadn't left, things would've gone a bit different. Maybe if he would've stuck around, even if Fives hadn't wanted him there, things would've ended better…

As it was, Rex felt his legs propel him out of the room and down the hall. They all just needed some time. Cody needed time. Rex needed time.

Fives needed time.

How much time?

That had always been the age-old question, and if anybody had an answer to it, they'd never told Rex.

He hadn't gone ten feet when he heard several blaster shots pierce the air. Fierce and unrelenting, they never stopped, only fading into the distance when Rex wandered out of earshot.

If Fives needed time, Rex would give him all he needed…

They weren't even halfway home when it happened. Over the past couple of days, Rex had seen Fives maybe twice.

Echo had always been better at sharing his problems; at coming to Rex when he needed to talk.

Fives was a wildcard, one Rex had never been able to predict. That's what made him, well, Fives, and Rex couldn't imagine him being any other way. He just… wished it wasn't so hard sometimes.

He was on his way to a briefing when it happened. General Skywalker had been discussing some of the finer details of the mission with the other Jedi generals and had asked him to attend.

Rex knew Anakin. Either the man needed his opinion on something, or simply wanted him to be there. Needed him to be there. Anakin had said something once about Rex being his anchor when the sea of Jedi rules and regulations got too overwhelming.

At least he could be someone's anchor right now. Eventually, Fives will—

It was Comet who told him about it, jogging up to Rex with a glint in his eyes that could have killed.

Been spending too much time around Wolffe, it looks like, came the random thought as Comet slowed to a stop. Wolffe always looked like he could kill you at any time, even when he was laughing and joking.

"I think you need to check on that ARC trooper of yours."

His words set Rex instantly on edge. "Why? What's going on?"

Comet jerked a thumb in the direction he'd come from. "He's been starting fights in the mess hall for at least twenty minutes now. I can't find any of the Jedi and was on my way to get Wolffe when I found you instead. Honestly, you'll probably be more effective than the commander."

Wanna bet?

In all honesty, Rex noted with a slight grimace, Wolffe would probably stun Fives before they could do any actual talking.

"Why is he starting fights?" Better yet, why are your troops fighting him back?

"I think you'd know that better than I would, Captain." Right. "Some of the things he's saying…" Comet shook his head. "If he said something like that to me, I'd kriffing fight him."

Rex was already moving down the hall. "If you find your commander, send him my way. I'll take care of Fives."

"Roger that."

As Comet continued his jog down the hall, Rex launched into a run, booking it for the mess hall and hoping he wouldn't get there too late.

Too late for what?

He didn't know. All he knew was that his lungs were burning and his heart was racing faster than the Resolute at lightspeed.

On top of that, the numbness had started fading away yesterday and he found himself missing it. What was he supposed to do without it? How was he supposed to function in the wake of this loss without the cloud of nothing surrounding his brain, clinging to every inch of his body?

His best solution so far had been to ignore its departure, to pretend that the numbness still shrouded his soul.

It was easier that way.

What awaited him through the mess hall doors, however, wasn't going to be anywhere near easy. Just like Comet had said, a ring of troopers took up space in the middle of the large room. Tables had been shoved to the side, trays littered the floor, and half eaten food painted the walls in a lazy sort of masterpiece.

Rex couldn't see inside the circle, but he knew Fives was there. Always the center of attention, whether he wanted to be or not.

Taking a deep, steadying breath and praying for strength, Rex began shoving his way to the front of the chaos. Some of the brothers, the older ones, looked torn between breaking up the fight and cheering their vode on. Still others shouted and jeered, telling their men to give it to him! and don't let him beat you!

Fives was engaged in an all out brawl with two 104th troopers. Shinies, from the looks of them. And he seemed to be winning.

Rex resisted the urge to massage his temple. Of course, he is…

Another breath didn't do much steadying, and Rex knew he had to shove out into the fray and break this up, whether he felt ready for it or not.

Three, two—

"That's enough!" he shouted, launching into the center of the ring. "All right! Break it up!"

Grabbing Fives' arm was a mistake. The pain that exploded through Rex's jaw caught him by surprise when it shouldn't have. You throw yourself into the middle of a brawl and don't expect to get hurt? Really?

He staggered backward, his only indication that he'd stumbled too far being the hands that pushed him back out into the circle. Behind him, Rex vaguely registered a brother cussing out a vod'ika, hissing something about that being the Captain.

Good. Maybe the older ones'll talk some sense into the younger ones and help me stop this.

Speaking of…

Rex shook the pain away, his body replacing it with adrenaline, and fixed his gaze on Fives.

"Fives! That's enough!" A kick to the shin was all Rex received for his efforts.

All right. That's it.

No sooner had he latched his fingers onto Fives' shoulder guard then Rex felt bolts of pain shoot up his wrist as his fist hit its target.

After that punch, a handful of 104th boys began helping Rex, trying to restrain their brothers. The shinies still seemed intent on fighting, however, and so did Fives.

One shiny got tackled to the ground just as he was about to kick Fives in the back of his knees.

"Hey! Come on, let me at him! Didn't you hear what he—?" The shiny's protests were muffled when his face hit the floor.

Rex couldn't have cared less about the others. His only focus was Fives.

"Fives!" he shouted again, sending a right hook into the ARC's jaw before yanking him close. "I said, that's enough!"

"Get the kriff off me!" Fives shot back, but when he tried to land another blow of his own, Rex was ready, dodging out of the way and twisting Fives' arm around his back.

Though Fives struggled against him, Rex held fast.

"Stand down, trooper," he hissed in Fives' ear, and still, his brother fought, trying to land another kick on Rex's shin. "If you don't calm down before Wolffe gets here, I can guarantee he'll stun you within an inch of your life for antagonizing his men. We all have enough to worry about in this war without adding infighting to that list. Now, stand down."

The circle was slowly breaking up, so when Fives' resistance began to falter, Rex saw his chance and snatched it up, shoving his brother toward the exit.

Even without his helmet, he still couldn't breathe right. The departing numbness had left a weight in its wake that pressed against Rex's chest, threatening suffocation.

Being surrounded by such chaos was only making it worse.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Rex demanded the second the mess doors had shut behind them. Alone in the hall, he gave Fives one final shove.

Now free again, Fives spun on Rex, his expression fuming. "Hey, I was handling it until you showed up!"

"Handling it?" Rex bit out a scoff. "I heard you started it!" Fives just rolled his eyes. "If you need to blow off steam, use a punching bag!"

"Last I checked," Fives spat, "punching bags don't fight back."

"What? So you want someone to pummel you until you're black and blue, is that it?"

A scoff was followed by another eye roll as Fives shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

That's it.

Rex grabbed his brother's arm, putting a quick stop to his retreat. "I understand a lot more than you give me credit for, and I’m always here if you need to talk, but you can not start fights with the 104th. They just saved all our skins, for kriff's sake!"

Jerking away, Fives flashed him a look so cold, Rex had to fight just to hold back a shiver. "See? You just proved my point! You don't understand. If they had been there earlier, maybe—" Choking on his words, Fives shook his head. "No, scratch that. They should've been there from the start! They knew how dangerous this mission would be. Everyone knew it! They knew we would probably need a rescue, and they did nothing! We should've had backup waiting in the wings!"

The breath Rex took did nothing to calm his racing heart. If anything, it made him want to choke. "Maybe, but that's no reason to antagonize your brothers like that—"

"They're not my brothers!" Fives shouted and Rex could see him getting more riled up with each word. "And if they didn't want to fight, why'd they jump into that circle, huh? If you'd only just left me alone, maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm about to kriffing explode!"

"All I've been doing is leaving you alone! You need space? Fine. I gave you space, but what you do reflects on all the rest of us, which means you can not—"

"All of us?" Fives let out a laugh that bordered on hysterical, the glint in his eyes reminding Rex of an animal backed into a corner. A nexu priming its claws. A serpent about to strike. "There's only two of us left! There's… I-I can't… I… Agh!"

Rex only had the half second between Fives readying his fist and letting it collide with a nearby control panel to make his decision.

Adrenaline still pumping through his veins, he grabbed Fives' arm once more, stopping him before he could damage the panel and slammed him against the wall. The dull thud of the back of Fives' head hitting the durasteel clearly surprised his brother and his eyes widened for a second before narrowing on Rex.

"You want someone to fight?" Rex said before Fives could even get a word out. "Fight me."

For a long moment, Rex feared Fives might not take him up on the offer. A sane person would have been glad of that; would've been relieved to escape an unnecessary brawl.

Only, it was necessary.

And the voices screaming in Rex's head hadn't made him feel sane since that explosion.

"ECHO!"

The longer Fives sat on his indecision, the more Rex began to notice the chaos bubbling up inside his own chest. It was replacing the numbness and he needed it gone. He needed to replace it all with the cool calm of a GAR captain.

A distant part of his brain scoffed. What captain is ever really calm? It's all a facade and you know it. Always has been.

Right.

The chaos thrumming in his chest demanded to be beaten out of him, and maybe that's what Fives had been getting at before. Maybe Rex truly hadn't understood.

If he hadn't then, he did now, which is why Fives smacking their heads together didn't catch Rex by surprise one bit. It only fueled his adrenaline rush.

Stars danced across his vision, threatening to knock him over if he didn't catch his balance in five, four, three—

Rex latched on the edge of Fives' chestplate and sent a fist sailing into his side. Fistfighting with armor had always added another level of difficulty, a challenge every cadet learned how to master early on in training.

Fives was an ARC, Rex realized. He’d gone through that training twice.

After that punch, blows were exchanged freely and Rex found himself slipping into a rhythmic dance with Fives, the kind of choreography they had practiced with each other countless times.

Practiced with Echo, too…

The calm and methodical precision of those sparring sessions, however, was replaced by a fierce edge and a bloodthirsty desperation that made them both sloppy in their attacks.

"Echo!"

Maybe he would never stop hearing that scream, but Rex could've sworn it was growing fainter with every punch and kick.

"If they'd have been there," Fives spat out through a tight jaw, the venom lacing his voice serving as fuel for both his and Rex's counterattacks, "none of that would've happened."

Rex didn't respond, keeping his lips pursed and his mind focused on not hitting any crucial pressure points.

Instead of speaking—his throat was too tight for that, anyway—he saw someone different every time his knuckles kissed Fives' armor.

Droids.

Smack!

That cruel Separatist, Osi Sobeck.

Wham!

"We're not even a stealth division!" Another kick from Fives. "Why did it have to be us?"

Tarkin and all his callousness.

Thud!

"There are tons of battalions out there just itching for a fight! Why did it have to be us?"

Ventress, who'd taken his entire platoon away from him so early on… Didn’t realize we were gonna go back that far, but—

Crack!

"Why did we have to get picked for that mission?"

Echo, for being such a stupid, wonderful self-sacrificing di'kut.

Slam!

"Why do we always end up losing everyone?"

Captain Rex… for not protecting his little brother.

Crunch!

Rex didn't realize Fives had tackled him to the ground until his head cracked against the durasteel tiles and the stars did their little dance routine across his vision once more.

"Why do we…?" Fives was on top of him now, one hand pressed against Rex's right shoulder, the other pulled back into a half-hearted fist.

Rex prepared himself for the blow that never came.

"Why do we always…?" A choked sob tore through the air and Fives sagged forward, fist uncurling as he buried his face in his hand. "They wouldn't even let me… I couldn't… I would've gone back for his helmet. Rex, I…” He said it like Rex was going to fault him for it. Like, somehow, he’d failed.

Maybe we all did, somehow.

“You know I would've gone back if I could…"

"I know," Rex replied, unable to bring his voice any higher than a broken whisper. Tears burned the backs of his eyes and he didn't even try to blink them away. Not this time. "I know you would've…"

Another half-sob pierced the now still air as Fives hung his head, shoulders slumping under the weight of his exhaustion. The adrenaline was wearing off for both of them and Rex could feel the dull pulse of pain begin to plague his cheeks, his jaw, his chest…

"Why did it have to be him...? Why did...?"

"I don't know." Rex's lips formed the right words, but barely any sound came out.

Heaving for a solid breath, he eased up into a sitting position. Fives took the hint and slid off him, armor hitting the floor with a light clack. As he joined his brother against the wall, Rex filled his lungs once more and wracked his brain for the right words.

Maybe there aren't any right words...

"I don't know," he repeated, voice all stopped up with emotion. Rex shook his head, studying the scuffed floor through a thick, blurry lens. "I don't know."

Fives' sigh was ragged. From the way their shoulder guards lightly grazed each other, Rex could feel him trembling.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye… I… Do you…" The ARC took a breath, but it didn't sound to Rex like it did much of anything. "Do you know the last… last thing I said to him? Besides look out, you kriffing idiot. I mean, the last real thing."

Rex wanted to look at his brother; to gaze at him with soft, understanding eyes that silently promised everything would be okay. But he couldn't take his blurry stare off the floor.

He didn't dare blink—he wasn't ready to feel those burning tears cut riverbeds down his cheeks.

Not yet.

"I asked him," Fives went on, his voice barely audible, "if he thought we’d looked weird in those carbon freeze blocks. Even with his helmet on, I could tell he'd rolled his eyes at that. I told him that I hoped we'd never get another chance to find out, and he said that he actually kind of liked being carbon frozen. That it was an interesting experience…"

By now, Fives had pulled his knees up against his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and holding on for dear life.

And still, Rex kept himself from blinking; from glancing at his brother. If he looked Fives' way, he was sure he'd see the same pent-up wall of tears glazing over the same dull amber eyes.

"So," Fives finished, pausing for another shaky breath, "I told him he was crazy. That's the last thing I ever said to Echo."

Though he'd heard that scream playing on repeat in his mind, it hit Rex that he hadn't actually heard anyone say his brother's name out loud since…

"Echo!"

Rex felt his eyes slam shut against his will, releasing two thick streams of hot tears. They seared his skin in such a way that he briefly wondered if the rivers would leave behind scars.

Not physical ones.

Pulling one knee up, he wrapped an arm around it and squeezed.

"Not 'goodbye,' not 'I love you' or 'I'm proud of you,' just…" Fives choked on another rogue sob. "'You're crazy.'"

"At least you can remember what you said." The words weren't supposed to come out, but they spilled onto the floor all the same.

He could feel Fives' eyes on him now. Wondering, pleading, aching for validation. For the kind of comfort Rex didn't know how to give him at the moment.

"It was probably an order," Rex continued when the silence became too heavy to handle. "Or something meaningless. I don't know. I… I can't remember. That whole mission's a blur, now, and no matter how hard I try…" His next breath caught in his throat. "... I can't get any of it to come back into focus."

Maybe the numbness had done that. Maybe the last couple of days of living in a fog had put an eternal haze over those memories.

Yet, one thing remained crystal clear.

"Echo!"

More tears squeezed their way out through his tightly shut lids and Rex's breath hitched.

He bit his lip. Tears were fine for now, sobs were not.

Not in the middle of a hallway. Not out in the open like that. Maybe we should move… But when he felt Fives' sag against him, his brother's face burrowing into his shoulder, Rex slipped his arm around Fives.

And he let his chest hitch again. And again.

Silent, dry sobs contrasted Fives' wet ones. He didn't know how long they sat there; time hadn't been a close friend as of late. It slowed and stretched, then sped up faster than he knew what to do with it. It spun and tilted, making the whole world seem unstable—on the verge of collapse.

The numbness had helped with that. When Rex couldn't feel anything, he didn't have to deal with the disorienting spin of time.

Now, as he tightened his grip around Fives' shoulders, he felt the floor dip and sway, thrusting him into a dizzy time loop.

It had been more than an hour, or maybe only a few minutes. Had it been days or mere hours since they'd lost Echo?

And when would time bring them home?

Jesse and Kix were going to be devastated, and Hardcase had just been getting Echo to go crazy and let loose every once in a while.

His words, not mine…

There would be questions. There would be shouting. Maybe there would even be blame, Rex couldn't be certain.

But most of all, there would be more grief. Far too much of it for Rex to handle alone.

He could barely handle Fives… Could hardly handle the ache in his own chest.

"I think…" Fives’ voice was a bit steadier now and it pulled Rex out of that dizzying loop. "I might've hit you one too many times in the jaw." Slowly but surely, the floor solidified beneath him until Rex was no longer floating on air. "You still got all your teeth, right?"

Giving his teeth a quick once over with his tongue, Rex nodded. "No lasting damage. Sorry about your eye."

"Eh." He felt Fives' shrug. "Black eyes make you look cool anyway."

"They make you look like a trouble-maker," Rex hummed as he found himself fighting a new battle. A battle against complete and utter exhaustion.

"You would say that," Fives shot back, but there was a touch of humor to his tone. A very slight one, almost too miniscule to pick up, but Rex heard it. "Think I’ll have to apologize for… you know… what happened in there?"

Rex shook his head again. "I'll talk to Wolffe. It'll be fine."

Fives gave a soft hum, then he straightened, pulling himself out of Rex's hold. "We should probably move. I wonder how many vode walked by and saw us like this."

I don't really care.

"Probably none. We would've heard it."

"Would we?"

Doesn't matter. Forcing his eyes open, Rex swiped a hand across his face, hoping to clear away any leftover tears.

It was Fives who stood up first, which wasn't supposed to happen. That was Rex's job. Rex was supposed to hold out a hand for his little brother and to help him—

He clapped his arm against Fives', letting the ARC help him to his feet.

They made their way to the room Wolffe had given him in silence. This silence wasn't suffocating, though. It was… okay. It was freeing.

Fives collapsed on the couch before the door had fully slid shut. In the back of Rex's mind, he made a quick note to remember to get some bacta. The cut on Fives' temple hadn't come from Rex—and it didn't look so good.

"Wake me up when we get back to Coruscant," Fives mumbled, eyes already shut tight.

It wasn't the kind of request that needed an answer, but Rex nodded anyway. Fives couldn't see the silent response, and that was fine. It was more for Rex's benefit than anything.

A shake of his head to remind him that the world was still solid, that time wasn't playing tricks on him anymore. That he could still take care of his brother.

Maybe if he hadn't left Fives alone at the shooting range, things would have turned out different. Maybe.

And maybe, if he hadn't, neither of them would have gotten the necessary kind of healing. Maybe they both would still be bottling it all up, expecting the pain to go away on its own.

As Rex settled onto his cot, a heavy sigh brushed past his lips. There was still a tightness in his chest, but it was the kind he could deal with; a more navigable kind of pain.

Because Fives was still here and they were together.

They would be okay.

Eventually.

Chapter Text

They played sabacc at the end of each week. Rex didn't know how or when it started, but that first game had eventually led to more consistent meetings.

Now, he couldn't recall a weekend they'd missed.

They always played. Wherever they were, be it getting rained out in a dreary camp on the battlefield or warm and dry on the Resolute, they never skipped sabacc night.

Usually, Fives would share some gossip Jesse had told him—Jesse was always telling everyone the latest stories he'd picked up around Headquarters—and sometimes, Rex would interject with a piece of creepy Jedi lore Anakin had shared the previous day.

Ahsoka's current classes at the Temple probably had something to do with it, but lately, the general had been fascinated with ancient Jedi horror stories.

Rex hadn't even known that was a thing.

Sometimes, they talked about strategies. Fives had been promoted to ARC trooper for a reason. His mind was nothing short of brilliant.

But Rex had known that for ages.

Other times, they put on a holodrama and played in silence. Fives was a holodrama nut.

It was Echo who had always been the reader.

In his mind, Echo was always in the past tense.

Echo was, Echo did, Echo used to…

Rex couldn't think about him any other way.

When they talked about him, though… It was almost as if their brother was still right there—and had been all this time, they just didn't know where to look for him.

Rex didn't know when exactly they'd started talking about Echo. Those conversations didn't come for a long time after… Well, after. If he had to estimate a timeframe, he'd have to say it happened around the time Fives started coming to him with his troubles; started confiding in him.

And he, in Fives.

"I guess I'll be the one to say it," Fives would begin, slumping onto the floor of Rex's tent and stretching out like he owned the place. "This mission sucks."

Any other one of his men, and Rex would've given a light hum and shaken his head. He would’ve said something along the lines of, We'll get through it eventually. And it's nowhere near as bad as that last one.

But with Fives… He'd been close with Fives and Echo since Rishi, sure, but not like this.

This was a different kind of close. The kind he'd only ever achieved with vode like Cody, Wolffe, or Fox.

The kind of close that had him sighing right along with Fives and admitting, "If I never see another droid, it'll be too soon."

"And the mud! I don't think I'll ever feel truly clean again. It's everywhere…"

It was the kind of close that had Fives approaching Rex in the mess hall and giving him a once over with his eyes.

"You don't look so good, Captain."

Any other brother, and Rex would've brushed it off with an easy I'm fine.

"Just tired," he'd told Fives instead.

Fives would get a knowing look on his face and plop down beside Rex, letting his cup of caf slam atop the table with a sharp clink.

"When's our next shore leave again? And do you think I could get the general to make it twice as long this time…?"

Rex would snort then, working up a small smile despite his aching head. "I'd like to see you try it, vod."

Fives was there when Rex was plagued by migraines for weeks after a head injury. He could put on a cool front and act like nothing was wrong most days, but somehow, Fives always knew.

They were becoming that attuned to each other.

Rex was there when Tup and Dogma joined the ranks. They were a tightly knit pair, the last two of their batch.

Just like Fives and Echo.

Fives acted like it didn't affect him, like it didn't hurt watching the two shinies.

Rex knew better.

They had become that attuned to each other.

That's why, Rex supposed, they had started opening up about Echo.

At first, it was easy just to avoid the subject like the Blue Shadow Virus. If they didn't talk about it, maybe they could forget it ever happened. Forget that Echo wasn't out on some mission; forget that he wasn't going to walk through that door any minute and join them for a round of sabacc.

Rex always thought about Echo in the past tense, but when they spoke about him…

It was always as if he were still there.

"Here, let me try something," Fives would say when Rex's migraines had reduced him to a crumpled heap on the couch. "Whenever Jesse gets headaches, Echo does this massage-thingy like… Well, here, I'll show you…"

"You know, I bet Dogma doesn't even have all the reg manuals memorized like Echo does..."

"Hey, Fives. Doesn't Echo have this holonovel? Did he ever say if it was any good…?"

Sometimes, the talk wasn't always so nice. Sometimes, Fives ranted and shouted.

Rex always listened.

Other times, Rex's current battle strategies turned into speculative plans that, in retrospect, could have kept more brothers alive at the Citadel.

Fives always had ways of making them more effective.

And sometimes, they just sat in silence until one of them found something to say…

Worn to the bone and practically shivering out of his skin, Rex listened to the rain pummel the roof of his tent. The planet was worse than Kamino and their current campaign included tedious treks through the mud as they made attempt after vain attempt to infiltrate a Sep base.

The blanket wrapped around his shoulders didn't work half as well as it was supposed to, and still, Rex sat there across from Fives doing one final review of tomorrow's battle strategy.

One final check before he let himself sleep.

"Hey, Rex." Fives' voice was soft. "Where's the rest of your batch?"

The question had come seemingly out of nowhere.

Rex glanced up to see Fives sprawled out on the floor, having abandoned his own datapad in favor of folding his arm beneath his head and staring at the ceiling, daring the rain to even try to break through.

"They're still around," came Rex's noncommittal response.

"All of them?"

"Yeah." A twinge of guilt nagged at the back of his mind. Why should his original squad still get to live and breathe when the only Domino left standing was Fives? "Yeah, they're all still here…"

Fives didn't respond. A handful of emotions danced across his face, but none of them reflected any jealousy or anger. Just… loss.

"I miss him." The quiet words echoed off the tent walls, slamming Rex in the chest.

He lowered his datapad.

"I do, too."

"He hates the rain." I know. "Reminds him too much of Kamino. I always try to tell him it's not so bad, but I don't think he likes how it makes his hair frizz when it dries." Fives took a breath, eyes stil fixed on the pattering roof. "He wanted to shave it off once. I told him he couldn't pull off a style like that. Wouldn't look as good."

A good-natured smirk tugged at Rex's lips, but he couldn't get it to blossom into anything more than a slight twitch. He gave Fives a shove with his foot.

"I mean,” Fives amended, “you look good like that, and so does Kix, Jesse, and Hardcase. You guys can pull it off. I don't think Echo could."

"Nah," Rex agreed after a moment. "I don't think he could. His face shape's too different, you know?"

This pulled a chuckle out of Fives and he rolled on his side, drawing his blanket up until it covered his shoulders. "I'm guessing they're not in the 501st."

Rex turned back to his datapad and began closing out the tabs. "Who?"

"Your batch. I feel like I would've known by now if they were. I mean, Jesse's whole squad is here, but Checkers' batchmates are scattered across the 104th and the 212th."

He didn't doubt the thought that began running through his mind had hit Fives at some point as well. That Domino Squad would have all been accepted into the 501st if half of them hadn't been lost at the outpost.

"A couple of mine are, too," came the next noncommittal reply. Out of the corner of his eye, Rex saw Fives raise a brow.

Well, here goes nothing.

Any other brother, and Rex would’ve changed the subject.

But this was Fives.

With a sigh, he abandoned his datapad entirely, discarding it to the side and leaning forward, an arm draped lazily across his bunched up knees.

"You can't tell anybody, got it?"

Fives was interested now, if the way he suddenly perked up was anything to go by. "Hey, when do I ever spill secrets?"

Rex shot him an unamused stare. "Remember Hardcase?"

"I mean secrets that matter. How was I supposed to know he didn't want anyone to know he can sing? The man's got a great voice, it's not fair."

Rolling his eyes, Rex fixed his brother with another hard look.

"Come on, Rex. It's me."

It's Fives.

At some point, Fives had become his unofficial second-in-command. His right hand, his go-to and confidante. Rex couldn't remember when that had happened, but he trusted Fives like he trusted Cody.

"You can't tell anyone because," Rex proceeded, still a bit hesitant despite it being Fives, "they're all CCs."

Fives connected the dots almost instantly and his brows furrowed. "But you're… Wait… how? Why?"

All Rex had to do was point to his hair and Fives stopped with the questions, leaving it at a final, "That's not fair."

"Never said it was. We both know life's not like that."

"Well," Fives said, gaze flicking back to the ceiling, "CTs are where it's at, anyway."

Sure…

To keep from running a self-conscious hand over his head, Rex began fiddling with the edge of his mat.

"So, CCs in the 212th and 104th, huh?" Lines of concentration dug little trenches between Fives' brows. "Commandos?"

"Nice try."

"All right, commanders, then." The moment Fives realized was a moment Rex wished he could've caught on holocam. "Wait a second… No kriffing way! I knew it! Of course, it's Cody. And Wolffe, right?" Rex just nodded, that good-natured smirk trying its luck again. "Man, whenever he ends up getting some, Jesse owes me ten credits. Maybe I'll just settle for a drink, instead… Even if Jesse did get his hands on some cash, he’d spend it before he knew he had it. Okay, so who are the others?"

"Bly from the 327th. I don't think you've met yet… And Fox from the Guard."

"A Corrie?" Fives shook his head and chuckled. "No. Kriffing. Way. So, if I ever get thrown in prison, do you think you could make him get me out for free?"

Rex let out a chuckle of his own. "I wouldn't count on it. I don’t think Fox would even let me out for nothing. So, you… Well, you still can't tell anyone. All right…?"

"Cross my heart, vod." Fives glanced at him then, smile fading. "Hey, no one's gonna think any less of you just because your designation starts with CT instead of CC. You know that, right?"

Apparently, Fives took Rex's pursed lips as a signal to press on.

"That was something the Kaminoans did to you, not something you earned and definitely not something you deserved."

“Perhaps it wouldn’t be prudent to dismiss him entirely, but he cannot take the command track. Not with that…”

“CT-7967 will proceed with the normal clone trooper training and we’ll keep an eye on that defect in the meantime—” 

Swallowing, Rex shook the memories away before they had a chance to take root in his mind.

Well. He flexed his fingers. He’d shown them, hadn’t he? With scores like his, they’d had no choice but to place him back in command training.

"I think it's about time we joined the others in lights out," he said, reaching for the lamp.

"Kriff them." Fives' curse floated out on a heavy sigh, and Rex had a feeling he wasn't talking about the others. "Who put them in charge, anyway? Do you know how many brothers they've probably messed up with their backhanded critiques and matter-of-fact insults that make you just wanna—"

As the lights flicked off, Rex heard Fives suck in a breath, then slowly let it out.

"There was actually this one time, back when we were cadets, that one of the longnecks tried to throw regulations in Hevy's face. Said he screwed up in one way or another. Well, Echo threw the regs right back in that barve’s face because he had that section memorized, proving that the longnecks didn't even know what they were talking about half the time. Lama Su was so mad when he had to settle that dispute. Echo was right on that one. Of course, he was…"

Rex blinked in the darkness, trying to force his eyes to adjust to the inky black a little faster. He needed to see, needed to focus on something solid. It swam around him, the darkness, rocking the ground as he eased himself onto the floor and pulled his blanket tightly around his shoulders.

If he could only stop shivering…

Fives told another story about Echo, which shifted into one about Cutup. All the while, Rex listened patiently.

And tried to get the darkness to stop swirling; the floor to stop shifting.

It will eventually, he reminded himself. It always does sooner or later.

Right…

Whenever they talked about Echo for longer than a few passing mentions, the floor shifted. Rex didn't know if it would ever stop doing that, but he was used to it by now.

He had adjusted.

It took him a moment to notice Fives wasn't talking anymore, he was so focused on the swirling, the shifting…

"Echo!"

Rex opened his eyes with a start.

He hadn't heard that in a while. It wasn't as loud as it used to be; it wasn't as painful.

Maybe that's why he said it, whispered his brother’s name on a broken breath. He hadn't wanted to say anything, had wanted to drift off to sleep as quickly as possible, but he needed to fill the silence.

Usually, Fives filled the silence. Even when Echo had been there and the three of them had to share a tent every once in a while, Fives would fill the quiet evening air with stories about everything and nothing.

Now, it was Rex's turn to repay the favor.

"Fives…?"

A sharp breath answered him. "I miss them."

Rex swallowed. Yeah… "They'd be proud of you, you know."

"Eh, maybe…" As Fives shifted, his arm brushed against Rex and the floor steadied itself at last. "Jaks is the last of his squad, too. Did you know that?"

"Probably," Rex replied with a yawn. "And Veer is the last of his, but…" He closed his eyes, anchored now by his brother's touch. "You don't have to be the last of yours anymore." Even through the darkness, Fives' confusion was palpable. "You can be part of mine. I don't think Echo or Hevy would mind…"

The first vestiges of sleep clung to his mind, slowing his lips to the point that they hardly moved when he spoke.

Echo used to do that. You could always tell he was tired when his lips stopped moving as he talked, like the galaxy's most exhausted ventriloquist.

"You and Echo were technically already part of the batch, anyway," Rex went on when the dark patch that was Fives remained silent. "Cody told me that a few months ago. Right before…"

"Echo!"

"But, if you don't want—"

Fives clamped a hand over his wrist, putting an end to his second-guessing, and whispered, "No… No, I don't think they'd mind."

A soft sigh brushed Rex's lips and he let his eyes slip closed.

"Rex…?"

He hadn't even realized he'd begun to drift off until Fives pulled him back out of the warm cloud of sleep.

A soft hum was the best response Rex could manage.

"Don't…" Another sharp breath. "Don't let the last words I ever say to you be… be something stupid. All right…? Like, if I'm about to go somewhere or do something without you, say something meaningful, will you? That way, you'll remind me to say something meaningful."

Conflict wrapped a barbed wire fence around Rex's mind, one he couldn't seem to think past. How could anyone possibly know when a word or a phrase was going to be their last? Wouldn't it be impossible to say everything like it was going to be the last thing a brother ever heard…?

"Rex?"

"Yeah," he heard himself choke out. "Yeah, I'll… Well, I'll try."

"I'll try, too."

"But you're not going anywhere," came Rex's firm declaration. "And neither am I."

"That's not a promise either of us can make, vod."

"Maybe not." Rex squeezed his eyes shut. "But we can at least try. "

"Yeah…" Fives' whisper was faint and drenched in thick waves of fatigue. "Yeah, sure. I guess we can always try…"

That's the best any of us can do, really.

Try to stay alive for each other…

… And live like we’re dying.

"So," Fives said a few moments later, just as Rex had begun to drift off again, "does this mean Wolffe’ll stop giving me that death glare whenever I see him?"

Rex gave a sleep crusted chuckle. "He does that to everyone."

"I’ve never seen him look at Cody like that."

"Believe me, he has."

"What about you?"

"More times than I can count."

Fives' chuckle morphed into a sigh.

He didn't say anything else after that.

Just before Rex let himself be lost to the dark oblivion, he heard it again. That scream. That horrible, awful scream.

"Echo!"

Only, this time, he saw Echo's face afterward.

And his brother was smiling.

It felt like some sort of sign, some gift of Echo's from far beyond.

A sign that, eventually, they would both move past this. They would never forget, but the pain would become easier to live with.

Eventually.

Rex only hoped that from this point on, whenever he thought of Echo…

… His brother would be smiling.

”I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter

and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying,

and I said someday, I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dying.”

~ “Live Like Your Were Dying,” by Tim McGraw