Chapter Text
Oozora Subaru wasn’t afraid to admit that there were definitely benefits to knowing the princess of the Lunar Kingdom personally.
For starters, she all but lived in the castle, a lovely place that outclassed virtually any other building on the continent in both visual decadence but also in a strange sense of homeliness that Subaru couldn’t quite define in strict terms.
She also had access to regularly see Yuzuki Choco, the demon healer. As far as Subaru was concerned, if Choco wasn’t the best healer in the region, she was definitely at least in the top three (1). Given Subaru’s general health history, having quick access to a top-tier healer was definitely something she was grateful for before she had hit her teen years, and even now Subaru enjoyed the safety of knowing that Choco was practically her next door neighbor.
More directly, she had access to the princess on a personal level. While Himemori Luna was a notoriously adorable princess who had most of the kingdom practically hypnotized by her, she was also famously moody at times and tended to reject personal audiences from people if she felt even slightly uncomfortable around them. That Subaru was on the list of people that Luna was comfortable with was, in a sense, quite an honor.
It also had downsides.
The first, as much as Subaru hated to admit it, was that Luna was infamously moody and rather impulsively so at that, and while having a personal audience with the princess was a great honor, it was also an audience that tended to be called for by Luna and not Subaru.
The second was that Luna had a personal bodyguard, known as the Hollow Force, which had an angel, a devil, a sheep girl, and most recently a temporary member who was both a priestess and a vengeful ghost that she had floating around her at all times. Any interaction with Luna was always made just a tiny bit tense by the fact that Subaru knew that some of the most powerful beings on the continent were watching her, and upsetting Luna would be a mistake she would only be allowed to make once.
In particular, it was the angel, Amane Kanata, that Subaru feared the most. Legendarily strong - being able to fight a dragon in one-to-one combat - and the closest thing that the Hollow Force had to a no-nonsense member, she was the one that Subaru voted as mostly like to carry out any punishment should Subaru step out of line. After that, it was Tokoyami Towa, the devil, and Hoshimachi Suisei, the ghost, that Subaru feared.
After that were the two members that Subaru figured she had a good shot with, mostly because Tsunomaki Watame the sheep and Sakura Miko the priestess were more social bodyguards than physical ones, and while Subaru wasn’t the most socially graceful person she had the ability to consistently function socially with just about anyone, regardless of background or general personality.
As a result, however, it meant that when Kanata approached her in the halls of the castle asking for a personal audience between Subaru and the Hollow Force…
Subaru internally signed her will, regretting only that she didn’t have enough time to visit her friends at Shirakami Shrine and tell them that she might not be able to visit them anymore.
And as such, Subaru walked into a meeting room, prepared to meet her fate at the hands of the Hollow Force.
Subaru sat down at the empty seat, looking around at the table with six seats, five of which were visibly occupied and one that was most likely occupied by someone that Subaru knew existed but she couldn’t see.
Still, Subaru couldn’t take the awkward silence any further, and finally chose to break it.
“So, what am I in trouble for?”
Kanata snickered, to which Towa facepalmed, Watame frowned, and Miko looked confused.
“Kanata?” Towa asked, “Did you deliberately avoid disclosing that Subaru wasn’t in trouble?”
“Maybe.” Kanata answered with a smirk, “C’mon, it was funny, and I’m trying to get people to not be so scared of me.”
“I don’t think it worked.” Watame replied, “Poor girl looked like she was going to die of stress there.”
Subaru relaxed.
Thank goodness, I’m not in trouble with-
“That said,” Kanata continued, “We did call you here for a reason, and that reason has to do with your rather unique relationship with Hime-sama.”
“...What did I do?” Subaru asked nervously.
Kanata paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to delicately answer the question, before deciding to ditch subtlety and answer bluntly: “She likes you. I think it’s easiest for Watame to explain, since this is much more her subject than mine.”
“I suppose so.” Watame mused, “Look, Hime-sama is… well, you know what she’s like. We called this meeting while she’s in a routine health checkup with Choco, but the reality is that we needed this discussion to happen without her listening in on it. With the knowledge that she’s not currently listening, and that none of us will retaliate for anything you say here, what do you think of the princess?”
Subaru took a moment to think about it.
“Hime-sama is kinda difficult at times. And yeah, the fact that she’s the princess makes things awkward because wronging her is a major disaster under nearly any circumstance, but… She’s kind, underneath that. She enjoys making other people happy, I think. I’d be lying if I said she doesn’t drive me nuts sometimes, but truthfully she’s a joy to be around, too. I guess it’s fitting that she has both an angel and a devil protecting her!”
“I dunno,” Miko replied after mostly remaining silent the whole time, “I don’t see a devil here!”
“Oh come on!” Towa shouted in annoyance, “You’re not even used to us, why are you calling me an angel already?!”
“To get things back on topic,” Kanata interrupted, “I do wish to respect you for answering truthfully. The princess is a handful, especially when annoyed.”
“But,” Towa continued, “as you said, we’re all devoted to her - well, except Miko, maybe-”
“Hey!”
“You haven’t had to prove your loyalty yet.” Towa retorted, ”I call it healthy skepticism. But, yes, for most of us, the fact that we serve as Hime-sama’s guard is… basically unrelated to the fact that we’re contractually obligated to do so. It’s a better use of my time than I would’ve ever come up with on my own, something that Kanata can attest to.”
“That’s more Coco’s thing,” Kanata replied, “but she’s asleep, so… yeah, I guess. This kinda brings us back to Hime-sama, who is, as we’ve mentioned, taking a liking to you.”
“Don’t ask me why!” Subaru replied, louder than she intended to be, “There’s nothing special about me! Heck, even among ‘normal’ people, I’m…”
She sighed. “I can’t give her anything. Nothing she wouldn’t be able to find in someone else. Heck, I’m pretty sure I’ve broken like eight different rules concerning royal etiquette just interacting with her!”
“Definitely.” Kanata replied, “I mean, your first meeting with the princess was, as it had to have been, completely by accident - Choco accidentally scheduled both of your routine checkups for the same day, and as far as I can tell, you were just naturally talkative and didn’t process the rank difference between you and Hime-sama until after you met face-to-face.”
Subaru facepalmed. “Please don’t remind me. I thought I was going to die when I realized who I was talking to. But I still don’t see why it turned into this! Surely there’s tons of people who befriend her! Of all people, surely Hime-sama can’t have trouble making friends, right?”
Kanata and Towa both took a deep breath, while Watame finally answered the implied question: “She actually does. You’re right in that a lot of people want to be friends with Hime-sama, very few actually want to befriend Himemori Luna, and… despite her age, she notices the difference. She knows. I know this is probably hard to believe, but Luna absolutely notices when people lie to her. I know you feel awkward about the rank difference between commoner and royalty, but the fact is that you aren’t trying to be someone you aren’t just because of that.”
Subaru blinked in surprise. “Who else could I be but myself?”
“You’d be surprised.” Towa replied, “Lesson learned from years of scamming people as a devil: insecurity sells really well. It’s why I could work my contracts with many people. It’s why I couldn’t do the same to the Hollow Force.”
Miko’s hair suddenly turned blue, her voice suddenly losing the playful edge it normally carried.
“I spent a while wishing I was anyone but myself.” Suisei replied solemnly, “But we’re getting carried away. Watame?”
“Let’s continue,” Watame answered, “A few years ago, Luna once asked me why so many people lie to her. It’s… not a question you expect a girl who hadn’t hit ten yet to ask. You are one of the few who’s never lied to her. Nor do you treat her as anything but herself - and thus, because you truly are one of the few who wished to know her better, she’s… excited about the idea of getting to know you better. You two don’t feel the need to keep secrets from one another. That is what Luna sees in you, why ‘Hime-sama’ seemingly loves you, and that… finally brings us to what we wanted to talk to you about, which… I’m not sure if I followed correctly, since this was apparently Kanata’s idea, so I’ll let her explain.”
Kanata nodded. “Subaru, we need you to playdate Luna.”
Subaru froze, trying to process what had been said during the silence that followed.
She didn’t say what I think she said, did-
“Are you serious?!” Towa shouted, apparently as confused as Subaru was.
“I will admit,” Watame continued, “I am slightly confused at this turn of events.”
She sighed.
“I guess it does make sense. Luna’s unfortunately reached the age of getting her first ideas of romance, as no doubt you’ve experienced by now. And, as much as this may upset you, this was not entirely coincidental. The reality is that we would much rather have Luna’s first forays into romance be in an environment where mistakes are forgiven.”
“But me?!” Subaru asked, “There are so many things wrong with this! Hime-sama could easily find almost anyone else who’d be better at this than I am!”
Watame shook her head. “Remember what I told you about how being ‘Hime-sama’ means that most people who want to meet Luna tend to care more about that title than about her? And remember how I told you that she notices this?”
“It’s funny, really.” Suisei suddenly interrupted, “For years I wanted people to see myself as more than just the vengeful ghost that once, well, killed a lot of people, many years ago. But the reality is that even if the image people have is positive, it kinda sucks to be known as nothing more than that image. That’s why I cared about Mikochi so much.”
Suisei’s hair turned back to pink, letting Miko take control.
“And I was no different, stuck in the position of people only seeing me as the hero who would seal away Sui-chan. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I didn’t have the heart to do that. And I hated that, too. I don’t think Luna’s mature enough to realize that this is exactly why she feels that everyone lies to her, because it’s hard to realize this. I didn’t realize what the pedestal had done to me until I had to defy the expectations of those around me.”
“But no one will tell Luna no, because she’s Hime-sama.” Subaru answered, “So she’ll never be in a position where she’s fighting against the title, right?”
“Yes.” Watame answered, “Which makes this trickier. I know what we’re asking for is a ridiculous thing, but the sad truth is, to a certain extent, you are the only good candidate available. You see, here’s the other problem: much like Luna realizes that people lie to her because of her position as ‘Hime-sama’, she also realizes that most of the people who actually care about her also have professional reasons for doing so.”
“Long story short:” Towa continued, “It can’t be any of us. I still think this plan is ridiculous, for the record, but I can’t deny that there is a rationale for it. It’s still a ridiculous plan and I’m so sorry you got roped into it. I have no idea why Kanata thinks you’ll say yes to this, but-”
“I mean, sure. So, uh, what does dating Hime-sama mean?”
More silence followed.
“To be honest,” Watame finally answered, “we didn’t think we’d get this far, so give us a bit to think of an answer.”
“Look, I don’t know anything about real dating or pretend dating or how to properly treat royalty!”
“Well…” Kanata stuttered, “make her happy? Oh, and try to break up amicably, since first loves inevitably don’t pan out, especially from Lunar Kingdom princesses, and it would be a real shame if we had to beat you up for breaking Hime-sama’s heart.”
Choco flew away from the door, carrying Luna in her arms and making sure that she didn’t land and making a sound that would give away their position to those inside.
“I know Kanata says that first loves don’t work out.” Choco whispered after flying what she felt was a safe distance, “But I think you two are too perfect for each other for it to not work out!”
Luna smiled, but then slowly frowned when she thought about the words from the Watame.
Do people only know me as ‘Hime-sama’?
Subaru shrugged nervously.
“...I’ll try?”
“To be honest,” Towa continued, “I think you should just be honest about it. Explain that you’re willing to try but also that you’re also completely romantically inept. I think the big thing to understand is that Luna isn’t trying to make you her prince because she wants you to be suddenly romantic, but because she wants you to be you, nothing more and nothing less.”
Subaru thought about it.
“That’s actually good advice!”
“In that case,” Kanata replied with a smile, “Operation ‘Arranged Playdate’ is a go.”