Work Text:
“Jeno!”
Jeno’s movements stagger to a halt at their choreographer’s barked words, stumbling over his own feet and barely catching himself in time. He nervously flicks his gaze upwards to meet six different pairs of eyes through the mirror, varying expressions of disappointment and exhaustion and annoyance reflected back at him. This was the third time he had messed up this part of the song, and the third time he had been corrected. Not that it seemed to be doing much.
It had been an off day. An off week, if he was being honest with himself. Jeno prided himself on being consistent and able to withstand a lot but this comeback’s preparations were wearing him down and he wasn’t sure how to bounce back from it. And to make matters worse, none of the other members seemed to be struggling the way he was.
Their choreographer sighs and shuts off the stereo, drowning the room in a tense silence. Everyone’s eyes are on him, subtlety be damned. “You know what? We’re done for the night. Everyone just go home and rest. I expect to see no mistakes tomorrow.”
Jeno can only blink in response, watching silently through the mirror as the rest of his members disperse, muttering amongst themselves. Jaemin is the only one who remains, his expression carefully blank as he observes the older boy. Jeno averts his eyes and turns away, walking to the back of the room to retrieve his things.
–
“Ya, Jeno! Are you even listening to me?”
Jeno jolts up at the exclamation. “Huh? O-Oh, yes,” he answers instinctively, meeting Renjun’s glare from across the kitchen table. Jaemin is to the boy’s right, watching him curiously. The look in his eyes reminds him of being in the practice room yesterday night, like he could see right through Jeno to his core. He carefully avoided looking him in the eye - even an angry Renjun was easier to handle right now. He felt too fragile.
Renjun raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing him. “Oh yeah? What do you think, then?”
Jeno faltered. He hadn’t been listening, truly. Not intentionally; he had been listening at one point. He didn’t realize he had ever stopped listening, but Renjun’s sudden exclamation had startled him into the awareness that he had missed an entire conversation. He was still feeling off , the only word his brain could conjure to describe the state he had found himself in recently. Even a good night’s rest after last night’s failed practice and the promise of a day ahead with no schedules hadn’t stopped his mind from feeling fuzzy and out of focus. He felt like he was wading through water but never moving forward, stuck paddling in the middle of the ocean with no shore in sight.
Jeno swallowed thickly, eyes flickering briefly to Jaemin and then back to the older. “Um… it’s a good idea?”
Renjun scoffed, pushing out his chair and stomping out of the room without a response.
“I don’t think messaging his ex-boyfriend back is a good idea, Jeno,” Jaemin murmured after a few moments, breaking the silence that had followed Renjun’s dramatic exit.
–
“Jeno? Are you awake?”
Unfortunately , the boy thought to himself, rolling over in the dark. The clock next to his bed flashed red in his peripheral, showing it was a couple minutes past midnight. Jeno had decided to retire early after the incident with Renjun, excusing himself from dinner. Everyone could sense something was up with him and he didn’t want to - nor did he know how to - deal with their probing stares and questions. He didn’t even know how to explain to himself why he was acting the way he had been the last few days.
He just wanted to sleep. And apparently he couldn’t even do that either.
The door slowly creaked open and Jeno’s eyes squinted against the onslaught of light that shone into his bedroom. A dark silhouette peeked their head in; “Jen? It’s Jaemin, can I come in?”
Jeno just grunted in response, turning away from the light and snuggling further into his blanket. Maybe Jaemin’s presence would actually help him fall asleep. He waited with his eyes closed, fingers rubbing soothing circles into his blanket as he listened to the door quietly click closed. The room was silent except for Jaemin’s soft footsteps approaching the bed. He paused for a moment and Jeno almost turned around until he felt the bed dip behind him as the boy joined him in bed, slowly slipping underneath the covers until his body was slotted against Jeno’s.
“‘M sorry,” Jeno whispered into the silent room, thankful for the darkness hiding him from Jaemin’s gaze. The latter’s arms wound around his waist at the words, squeezing him gently.
“Hm? Why are you sorry?” Jaemin questioned, his breath tickling the back of Jeno’s neck as he spoke. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Nono.”
The nickname makes Jeno whimper involuntarily. “I don’t know,” he whispered back, suddenly feeling emotional. “Feel… I don’t feel… right. My mind is all fuzzy and I’m trying but I can’t and I don’t…” He trails off. He’s not making sense and he feels frustrated tears spring up into his eyes. He turns in Jaemin’s arms so they’re facing each other.
It’s hard to see his face in the dark but Jaemin’s eyes shine in the moonlight streaming in from his window. He still holds the same perceptive look from earlier, like he can see right through the front Jeno is putting up. Tears are spilling from his eyes before he can stop himself and Jaemin’s eyes imperceptibly soften at the sight. “Jeno…”
“‘M sorry!” Jeno sobs, burying his face into Jaemin’s chest to hide himself. “Sorry sorry sorry, dunno wha’s wrong wi-with me, ‘m sorry!”
Jaemin was too stunned to move for a few moments, gaping down at the armful of a crying Jeno he found himself with. Jeno never cried, never like this. He had known Jeno was struggling with this comeback, it was the reason he had been keeping such a close eye on him the last few days after all, but he hadn’t realized it was this bad.
“There’s nothing wrong with you though,” Jaemin murmured when he found his voice again, tightening his arms around his friend and hugging him tighter to his chest. Jeno’s body trembled with every breath he took and Jaemin’s shirt was becoming uncomfortably damp with the boy’s tears but he hardly noticed. “Don’t apologize. You just need to rest, hm?”
Jeno whined, tangling his fingers in the fabric of Jaemin’s shirt. He wished he could properly articulate how he felt to Jaemin but his head was all over the place. Honestly, even if it wasn’t, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to explain when he didn’t even know himself. All he knew is that he felt… small. Especially now, curled up against Jaemin’s chest, being comforted like a child, he felt cared for in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time.
“Small…”
“Small?” Jaemin questioned, making Jeno startle a bit. He hadn’t realized he had said that out loud.
Jeno carefully lifted his head, watery eyes meeting Jaemin’s. “I… I feel small.”
Jaemin blinked at him. “…Okay. And that’s okay, I suppose. Do you want to feel small?”
Jeno was surprised to find that his immediate thought was yes, please, yes . Jeno was Dream’s captain, one of their leaders, someone their members could rely on. He had never let himself be taken care of like this, never broken down like this in front of anybody and shown this side of him. But now that he had…instead of wanting to hide away by himself, all he wanted was for Jaemin to stay. As selfish as it seemed, he wanted to be the one being taken care of for once.
“Please,” Jeno nodded after a few gasping breaths at the revelation, gripping his hands tighter in Jaemin’s shirt. “W-With you. Helping me.”
Jaemin removed one hand from Jeno’s waist to gently wrestle one of the boy’s hands off of his shirt, slotting their fingers together instead. “You want me to help you feel small?” He smiled at the way Jeno continued nodding insistently. Honestly, he was a bit confused - it seemed Jeno was too - but Jeno was his best friend. He would do anything for him. He had stood by all week watching Jeno struggle, unable to help relieve him of his stress. So if he wanted help feeling small then damn it, he was going to help him feel small. “How do you want me to do that?”
Jeno didn’t really think that far ahead. He sniffled, using their joined hands to wipe at the lingering tears and snot on his face. Jaemin grimaced a bit but didn’t remove his hand. “Um… cuddles. Cuddles are good. And we… maybe watch a movie?”
Jaemin laughed not unkindly. “We’ve already got half of it down. What do you want to watch, Nono?”
Jeno’s heart fluttered at the nickname. “I like Nono,” he whispered in lieu of a response, a shy smile appearing on his face.
“Oho, I knew you liked my nicknames,” Jaemin grinned mischievously, tickling Jeno’s side with his free hand. The older boy giggled and squirmed away from the attack. “I’ve got lots of those. I bet those help you feel small too, huh?”
“Yes…”
“So cute,” Jaemin cooed, shuffling up a bit so he was propped against Jeno’s headboard with Jeno’s upper half draped over his chest. He reached blindly over to the bedside table, fingers scrambling for purchase until he found the Roku remote. “Let’s watch something. What do you want to watch, baby?”
Jeno’s mind went fuzzy at his words, a good fuzzy this time. He had never felt this way before. He couldn’t even remember why he was so stressed in the first place. “Um… I dunno,” He responded once his mouth caught up with his brain, watching the television screen as Jaemin began scrolling through Netflix.
“Have you ever seen Cars ?” Jaemin asked after a couple minutes of browsing, pausing on the poster of a bright red sportscar. If Jeno wanted to feel small, it would probably be best to choose a children’s movie. Right?
Jeno shook his head. “No. You watch, Nana?”
Jaemin cooed, cuddling Jeno closer to his side. “Yeah, I have. I think you’ll like it, baby.”
—
Jeno did like Cars . He spent the entire movie switching between commentating happily to Jaemin about what was happening on screen and watching wide eyed and intensely focused, shushing the younger whenever he tried to speak.
By the time the movie drew to a close Jeno was blinking away sleep, shuffling against Jaemin’s chest to tuck his nose into the crook of his neck. “Thank you… I really liked it, Nana,” Jeno whispered, stifling a yawn against his skin.
Jaemin laughed softly, craning his neck to the side to press his lips to the side of Jeno’s head. “The movie or feeling small?”
Jeno pondered the question for a moment, mind still fuzzy with thoughts of Jaemin small warm sleepy Jaemin small warm sleepy small. “Both,” he concluded, letting his eyes flutter closed. “Like being small with you.”
Jaemin felt more than saw him fall asleep, breaths evening out against his skin and fingers going lax in their still interlaced grip. He smiled contentedly, shutting off the television and letting darkness flood the room once more.
“I liked being small with you too,” Jaemin whispered to the sleeping boy. “Goodnight, my Nono.”