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It was very rarely that Megumi ever let someone see what he was really thinking. He had always kept his thoughts shielded from the world for not only himself but the sake of others. His mind is cruel and overwhelming, consuming any poor travelers that gets to near.
Then they end up leaving him. It’s always the same.
He never thought he’d find an exception to this rule, but to be fair, he’d never thought he could ever be in a situation like this one either.
Yuji was jittery, sweating, and obviously freaked. Megumi tried his hardest to hide his expression but the widen in his eyes definitely caught the others attention.
To get the angels help to break the seal, they only had one condition. Kill The Fallen One. Which wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t for the information Yuji just obnoxiously hand signaled from across the room.
(If he understood correctly) The Fallen One is Sukuna. This was an issue that would be difficult to work around. He quickly flipped though alternative options in his head, visualizing other ways, but when he looked back up to meet Yuji’s eyes, It was crystal clear what he was thinking.
Yuji was ready to die for this mission. Megumi was sure Yuji could read what he was thinking, he’s never had an issue with that before. As Megumi tightened his fists, and narrowed his eyes in a desperate look, he watched Yuji’s mouth gape open.
What is that idiot going to say? He’s not going to expose himself, right? God, don’t be stupid. Don’t be stupid. Don’t be stupid.
“Uh, Fushiguro you look really pale,” He turned to Angel, “How long has it been since we’ve checked his wounds?”
Angel popped up with an overexaterrated shocked expression, “Oh shoot! You’re right! I can change the bandages right now—”
Yuji stepped forward, “Don’t worry, I can handle it,” He beamed a toothy grin, “Fushiguro and I used to bandage each others wounds all the time before this!”
Megumi tilted his chin down, forgetting he didn’t have a collar to hide his face behind. Why’d he say it like that?? Ughh maybe he didn’t phrase it strangely at all.. I’m just… reminiscing. Whatever! Doesn’t matter. He’s trying to remove us from everyone else. Smart.
Before he knew it, Yuji’s hand was in the crook of his arm, dragging him away to a different room.
The lights were dim in the guest room, it was early morning but the windowless atmosphere made it appear as dusk, just in this room. Yuji released his grip on Megumi, flipping on the lamp near the bed and plopping down, immediately keeling over into his palms.
Megumi moved with caution to his side falling beside him on the bed, a reasonable distance away. They sat in silence for a few seconds, with Yuji’s face buried in his hands.
Is he crying? What should I do?? I mean.. I have to comfort him but I’m not sure-
“Ughh!!” Yuji shot up quickly snapping around to face Megumi, “This really sucks, huh?”
Megumi couldn’t help but smile, he admired Yuji’s resilience. No matter the situation, Yuji was always able to bounce back. Although they never really got a chance to discuss their previous situation in Shibuya. Kugisaki.. Megumi felt a quiet sting in his eyes. Stop. Don’t think. The sting faded away.
His thoughts dispersed as Yuji hopped up off the bed and stood in front of him, “Alright! Uh, can you take off your shirt?”
HUH!?
“What?” Megumi felt the heat rising to his ears.
Yuji titled his head, “I have to change your bandages, remember?”
Megumi drew his eyebrows together, “I thought you just said that so we could.. talk?”
Yuji scratched the back of his head, “Well.. I thought I could multitask. I wasn’t lying you do need your bandages changed.”
Megumi willed away the pink undertone in his cheeks. He looked anywhere but at Yuji as he tugged off his black long sleeved shirt. He grimaced as the bandages wrapped around his midsection clung to the fabric.
There was a few beats of silence before Yuji spoke, “So… I’m the disgraced one, huh?”
Megumi was leaned back on the palms of his hands against the bed, he finally bit his tongue and made contact with Yuji, “No, not you. Sukuna.” Megumi winced as he sat up as straight as he could.
Yuji stepped closer to Megumi, kneeling down in front of him. “You know what I mean.”
Megumi wanted to say something. There were words lingering on the tip of his tongue but he just couldn’t reach them. He was shocked out of stillness when Yuji reached around his back. At first he thought this was some kind of awkward-angle embrace but then he felt the bandages around him unravel. Right. Multitasking.
He fidgeted pressing together his pointer finger and his thumb. He was always like this whenever Yuji touched him. Friendly pats on the back, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, helping him to his feet, bandaging wounds. He never knew what to do with himself. Always moving, trying to keep his distance.
Why is it such a big deal? We’re friends. It shouldn’t be this.. weird. Just stop. Stop thinking.
Yuji exhaled as he tied off the new bandages. The back of his fingers lightly grazed over Megumi’s skin, causing him to flinch. Yuji smiled. “You’ll be okay, right? I mean I know you will. I guess I just.. want to hear you say it.”
At first, Megumi thought he was talking about his injuries but now it was apparent that he was talking about him dying (sacrificing himself to the angel so that she will agree to remove the seal) . He could tell by the somber look in his eye, it looked like acceptance. But Megumi did not accept this.
“Shut your mouth.”
Yuji sighed, lifting himself off his knees and sitting next to Megumi. “This was going to happen anyway, at least now it’s for a more noble reason. Just tell me.. you’ll be okay—”
“Itadori. Shut up.”
Yuji closed his mouth. They sat in silence for a few beats until Yuji began humming a tune. Megumi looked at him star struck. He was.. smiling?
“The hell are you doing?” Megumi’s mouth gaped open involuntary.
Yuji turned to face him, “Shutting up,” He stated simply with a grin.
What if this is one of the last times I see him smile? Shut up. Shut up. Stop. Stop thinking.
Before he knew it his lip was quivering. He instinctively wrapped his arms around himself.
“Hey, are you cold?” Yuji reached for Megumi’s shirt behind them on the bed. He gently pressed it into Megumi’s chest.
He wasn’t cold. “Thanks,” He whispered, slipping back into his shirt.
Yuji continued humming.
“God, stop that.”
“So I can talk now?” Yuji leaned forward trying to look at Megumi’s face. Megumi faced forward, afraid to face him or he might just disappear.
Megumi sighed, “Yeah. Just don’t say anything stupid.”
There was a wave of seriousness that brush over them as Yuji spoke, “What I was saying before wasn’t stupid. Fushiguro.. we need her. And if the only way to do that is for me to die, then it’s a cheap price to pay.”
Megumi’s voice broke, “Don’t talk about yourself like that. How can you be okay with this!?” He stood up finally facing Yuji with glistening eyes.
“Don’t you get it? I’m supposed to be dead anyway. This way I can actually be useful for once.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Megumi bawled his fists. Before he could continue, Yuji cut him off with a monotone voice.
“I died. Remember? I was dead, Sukuna was too. If only I had stayed that way.. maybe things would be better. Maybe Kugisaki wouldn’t be..”
Yuji trailed off.
Megumi felt a loud sting in his knuckles. His body had moved before he even thought, he had struck Yuji across the face. He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and raised him to his feet.
“How could you be so selfish!? There’s people who need—”
Yuji snatched Megumi’s wrists, “I was selfish before! I never should have came back! But I wanted.. I want to live. And now people are dead! God.. so many people. Sukuna killed so many people in Shibuya and it’s all my fault!” His eyes were hurt. His cheeks stained with tears. He stood weak, only held up by his grip on Megumi’s wrists.
“You can’t possibly think.. any of that’s true.”
Yuji’s face fell flat. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Megumi loosened his grip, “You’re right. But I do understand one thing,” He met Yuji’s broken looking eyes, “That that’s all bullshit.”
Yuji scoffed.
“I’m serious. None of that is your fault. And we need you so I can’t have you throwing your life away,” Megumi paused, “You asked me before to tell you that I’d be okay when you’re gone? Well, I won’t. Because that would be a lie. I need you.. I can’t lose you again..” His lip began to quiver again, this time Yuji knew it wasn’t because he was cold.
Yuji leaned into Megumi, burying his face in his shoulder, wavering hands still cradled around his wrists. Megumi was stopped in his tracks, completely frozen. They’ve never hugged like this before. They’ve hugged but never this close—this intimate.
Megumi dragged his hands down wrapping them around Yuji’s midsection. Yuji’s hands slid up from his wrists to his upper arm with the movement. Megumi hooked his chin over Yuji’s shoulder, savoring every bit of touch. He didn’t ever want this to end.
What if this is the last time I ever hold him? St.. Stop. His thoughts were interrupted but quiet sobbing. Occasionally letting out a shudder or a soft gasp. Yuji on the other hand, was completely silent. This was extremely out of character, usually he was the loud obnoxious one. Megumi could only feel heat of his breaths against his shirt.
God, this felt so right. Not the whole sobbing part, but holding Yuji in his arms. He just wished they had more time.. then maybe.. nah. Nothing would change. Megumi hushed the voice in his head.
“I wish..” Yuji started, his voice muffled in Megumi’s shoulder.
He pulled back, Megumi released him fully but Yuji’s hands still lingered on his forearms.
Yuji exhaled, “I wish there was another way.” He pulled away his hands completely.
“There is,” Megumi sniffled, “There’s always another way.”
“Even if we find a way around this, I’m still sentenced to death by Jujutsu High. Really, I’m dead either way.”
“When we get Gojo Sensei back, there’s no way he’d let that happen. I won’t either.”
Yuji smiled. “I have an idea!” He beamed with reddish tones under his eyes, “Why don’t we pretend everything’s normal for a while?”
Megumi stared back at his dumbfounded, “…huh?”
Yuji stepped backwards until he felt the edge of the bed behind his legs, and threw himself back .
Megumi stiffened, “What are you doing…?”
Yuji drew in his arms and crossed them over his chest, “Lay with me.”
Megumi could feel the heat flushing his whole face. God, why did he have to say it like that..
Megumi sat beside him on the bed, hugging his knees.
Yuji turned on his side facing him, “Lay back.”
Itadori you idiot! Are you trying to make this weird!? Megumi tried (and failed) to fight off the reddish tone in his cheeks as he released his legs and laid back beside Yuji. Their legs hung off the side of the bed, Megumi looked at the ceiling. He could see Yuji in the corner of his eye drag his attention off him as he laid on his back as well.
“Now close your eyes.”
Megumi bit the inside of his cheek, “Seriously, what is this?”
Yuji shushed him. He did as he was told, not before glaring a sarcastic eye roll Yuji’s way of course.
“I’ve thought about this a lot,” Yuji started, “You’d think it’s stupid but I used to imagine all the stuff we’d do in the winter. Like taking you to go see movies I know you wouldn’t like, or tagging along shopping with Kugisaki (even though she makes me carry all her bags), but what I would think about the most was probably going to the beach.”
“Beach in winter?”
Yuji grinned. Megumi still had his eyes closed, but he could tell from the little exhale oh his nose that Yuji was smiling. “Yeah, Beach in winter. It was you, Kugisaki, the second years, and myself and we were all on the beach. And—” He cut himself off laughing, “And it was really cold, but I wanted to go in the water anyway! Everyone was laughing and chasing each other around and I had my phone out to record.”
Megumi couldn’t help but smile, imagining every word Yuji said in a perfect picture.
“And I know it’s not real. But I would think about it so much that I swear it feels like a memory!”
Megumi fluttered his eyes open, “I don’t think it’s stupid,” He turned on his side facing Yuji (Who did the same).
“You don’t?”
“No, not at all. If anything, I’m jealous,” Yuji looked back at him in confusion so Megumi continued, “I wish I was able to imagine something like that. Something that feels real.. and good. Tangible.”
Yuji smiled, “I bet you can! You’re just not trying.”
Megumi sighed, “It’s hard to think about a future.”
Yuji’s smile faded. “I guess it’s not working then, huh?”
Megumi’s face flashed a scrunched expression , “What do you mean?”
“Pretending like everything’s normal.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I guess I just..” Megumi couldn’t find words.
Yuji subtly shifted closer, “Tell me what was on your bucket list before all this?”
Megumi tried not to look into Yuji’s eyes. All this talk about what he wanted for the future and stuff he imagined was starting to get to him. Megumi’s imagination was a dangerous place. It let him want things. His mind is cruel and overwhelming, and the last thing he wants is someone poking around in there. But for some odd reason, he felt compelled to share with Yuji.
I’ve thought about kissing you.
“I guess I really wanted to go to a theme park. Gojo Sensei took me before when I was younger, but I never went again. Worst part is I hardly rode any rides since I wasn’t tall enough for most of them.”
Yuji began to grin again, “Well you’re definitely tall enough now! Come to think of it.. I haven’t been to a theme park in a long time either. Wouldn’t it be awesome to go together?”
Megumi smiled like it was contagious, “…Yeah, It would.”
“Okay, my turn!” Yuji beamed. “Don’t make fun of me. But… I haven’t had my first kiss yet. I know it’s embarrassing I just—”
“Me neither,” Megumi blurted out.
Yuji looks shocked, “Seriously? I thought surely you’ve had yours already.”
Megumi drew his eyebrows together, “Why’s that?” He asked genuinely.
“Well you know..” Yuji looked flustered. Pink rising to his cheeks, “You’re really good looking and stuff..”
Megumi’s mouth fell agape, he quickly hid his face from Yuji, it felt like someone was blowing a hot hairdryer in his face.
Say it back!! Ughh you’re so stupid Megumi.
“You..”
Yuji cut him off, “Sorry, I don’t know why I said that! I mean you are, but it’s strange to say it, right? Wait I just said it again—” Yuji sat up, slapping both sides of his face.
Megumi mirrored him, quickly sitting up beside him, “You’re really good looking too! And you’re.. more than that.”
Yuji’s widened eyes searched him for lies of pity but all he found as a smile tugging at the corner of his Megumi’s lips. He began to laugh under his breath, “Y’know you’re really cute when you look like that—”
Pause. What the fuck was that. Why would I say that!? It’s not enough that he’s going to die soon, I just had to fuck up our friendship before then, huh?
A cold palm pressed against his warm cheek. He was so spaced out in his own head he could hardly focus on how close Yuji was to him.
“Fushiguro.. can I kiss you?”
He could feel Yuji’s breath on his face as he spoke. He couldn’t bring himself to speak so he just nodded.
Yuji pressed their lips together, slipping his hand from on his cheek to around the back of his head.
It was slow at first. It was very obvious that neither of them have had a real kiss before. Megumi parted his lips and tilted his head as Yuji deepened the kiss. He leaned in closer, Megumi figured since Yuji has seen a lot more movies, he should take the lead. He felt tongue slide over his teeth.
Whoa. This is.. good.
They only broke away once, as Yuji pressed him back onto the bed. He straddled Megumi’s lap, keeping pressure off (which Megumi was grateful for). Megumi ran his fingers through Yuji’s hair.
We need to stop. It’s time to stop.. pretending everything is normal or whatever this is.
“Itadori,” He hushed through breaths.
Yuji was in a daze, he kept trained on Megumi. Megumi lightly pressed him away, “Yuji,” Looking into his hopeful eyes made him want to breakdown.
Why would I do this? We shouldn’t have done this. I’m sorry Itadori. I’m so sorry I did this to you.
“Fushiguro? Is something wrong? You’re.. crying.”
“…What?”
He was. Tears we’re streaming down his face, he hadn’t even noticed before. Yuji reached up and brushed a tear off his face.
“We just started something, huh?” Megumi looked up at the ceiling. Yuji collapsed off him to his side, looking up at the ceiling as well.
“Yeah, I guess. But wasn’t it already there before? I mean, I felt it.. didn’t you?” Yuji hummed.
Megumi clutched the comforter, “Yes. But now.. its real. Now it’s just gonna hurt more—” His voice broke halfway through speaking. Sobs erupted from his throat. Yuji shuffled close to him, intertwining their arms.
Yuji exhaled through his nose, “Yeah, I guess. But I think it’s worth it if we get to be together. There’s a lot I regret I have about people’s deaths, but I never regret the time I spent with them before.”
Megumi tried to silence the shaking in his hands as he choked back a sob.
Yuji continued, “Even if we don’t find a way, and I do die, you’ll still have these memories, right? You won’t have to make fake ones. If you want to be with me, I don’t want you to regret not doing it.. unless you don’t. That’s okay too—”
“No. I do want to be with you. I just.. don’t want to l-lose you,” He half whined.
“I know.” Yuji was smiling. How could he be smiling.
“Guys!” Angel busted in the room.
Yuji and Megumi quickly hopped and distanced themselves. Angel blushed with a dumbstruck expression, “Oh- I- Uh, sorry! But something’s happening! There’s an astonishing number of people entering the colony now.”
Megumi looked up, “You can sense that?”
“Not me, Kogane! Show the number of players added in the last ten minutes.”…