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Chapter Text

At first, the Doctor could pretend nothing had changed. He had stuck around a bit before to make sure the rubble from whatever catastrophe he was at the heart of was being cleared up. Nothing different about helping UNIT get things sorted out and making sure Donna got reunited with her family. Didn’t have to feel like he had made a life-altering decision yet.

Still, he wasn’t fully sure what to do with himself. Kate and UNIT had the big picture situation in the city pretty much under control and refused to let him go out into the streets to see the effects of the Toymaker’s game firsthand. Shirley and Mel kept treating him a bit gently, aware of his new status as retired. He wasn’t keen on getting the kid gloves treatment, but honestly right now he was too tired to protest. Which just lent more credence to his future self’s diagnosis.

So the Doctor lingered nearby as Donna—who wasn’t letting him out of her sight either—got in touch with Wilf and confirmed they were both all right. It was arranged that UNIT would bring him and the rest of Donna’s family here to UNIT HQ before they went back to sort out the mess of their house.

Guilt pooled in the Doctor’s chest again. Donna had built a home these last fifteen years and in the few days since he returned it had been destroyed. Well, he had time to make that right now.

So much time.

After a trip to the building’s café to pick up sandwiches, the Doctor and Donna were directed to a small meeting room where they could reunite with Donna’s family in privacy. To be honest, the Doctor was grateful. Despite his efforts to stay busy, exhaustion was creeping in inexorably and he welcomed the chance to get away from the public eye. As the door closed, he plopped down in one of the chairs, sighing and letting what little remained of his guard down a bit.

Since regenerating into this face again, he’d felt like an exposed nerve, a raw, bleeding wound, his walls corroded and crumbled to the point they left his vulnerabilities and emotions leaking out far more than he would ever have allowed previously. Thankfully, with Donna he didn’t have to worry about keeping up appearances as much.

She took the seat across from him, grunting slightly as she stretched her legs. “One thing I haven’t missed is all that running. I’ll be paying for that tomorrow.”

He smiled wearily at her. “You’ve still got it, though.”

She huffed a little acknowledgment, unwrapping her sandwich and biting into it eagerly. Another streak of guilt ran through him as he realized that was the first thing he had seen her eat since he arrived over a day ago.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve offered you something on the TARDIS. I just figured I was about to return you home…”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve been busy, as usual. You should eat yours too. They’re pretty good. Not normal canteen fare.”
He nodded, but didn’t reach for his sandwich.

She cocked her head toward him. “You doing all right so far?”

“Yeah,” he answered reflexively. “Not really sunk in yet, but… Yeah.”

She nodded.

They settled into a tired, but contented silence, letting the aftermath of the day’s events run its course. The Doctor leaned his head back, arms loosely crossed, trying to will himself to relax. His foot tapped with nervous energy though.

Donna’s foot moved forward to rest against his, stopping the tic.

There was a coffeemaker and accessories on a counter at the back of the room. Neither moved to make any.

After a time, the door handle turned and they both sat up abruptly. The familiar voice that drifted through lifted the Doctor’s hearts instantly.

“There she is! Donna!” Wilf called, reaching out as a UNIT soldier wheeled him in the door.

“Gramps!” Donna hurried over and wrapped him in a hug. “Are you all right? They kept you safe?”

“That’s what I should be asking you!” he said, pulling back to look at her. “You were in the thick of it, I expect. The both of you?”

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “We both are.”

The Doctor didn’t know if he could completely agree with that, but he nodded anyway.

“A car is picking up the rest of your family,” the soldier told Donna. “They should be here shortly,”

“They’re all right too?” she asked, squeezing Wilf’s hand. “My daughter?”

“We haven’t had reports of anything being wrong, so I assume the pick-up was uneventful, but I’ll go check on their progress.” The soldier saluted and left, closing the door.

“I told them to get to safety,” Wilf said, drawing Donna’s attention back to him. “Shaun wanted to wait for you too, but he knew you’d rather he keep Rose safe. Then once everything went mad, I insisted on holding down the fort while they holed up at your mother’s.”

“You shouldn’t have been staying in that alley alone!” she chided him. “People acting loony, someone could have hurt you!”

He shrugged. “Wasn’t gonna leave before I knew you were back home.”

She squeezed his hand again, looking genuinely moved.

“Besides, they said you were with this one,” he added, jerking a thumb toward the Doctor, “so I knew he’d get you back safely.”

The Doctor straightened up, touched by Wilf’s faith in him after everything that had happened. “Like I told you before, she’s the one who takes care of me.”

Donna smiled at him warmly as she sat down at the table, that look that was so soft and caring that his carefully held walls threatened to give way again.

“You really remember everything now?” Wilf asked, resting his hand on Donna’s cheek with such hope in his eyes. “All of it? We can talk and it won’t hurt you?”

“All of my own memories, yes,” Donna confirmed, putting her hand over Wilf’s. “The Time Lord part, I let go of. Didn’t need it anymore, especially if it was dangerous to me and Rose.”

“Oh, my girl.” Wilf pulled her closer, kissing her forehead. “I never thought we’d be able to talk about all of those wonderful things again. It’s a miracle. And you.” He reached toward the Doctor hesitantly, as if expecting him to be a ghost or hologram. “It really is you?”

“Really me,” the Doctor said, sitting back down to be at Wilf’s level and held out his own hand as proof. “Go on, see.”

Wilf took it, running his fingers over the Doctor’s hand with something uncomfortably close to reverence. The Doctor tried not to think about how thin and fragile Wilf’s fingers felt now, how he apparently couldn’t walk on his own anymore…

Wilf huffed a breathless laugh. “I can’t believe it. Marvelous man. See, I told you you’d figure out something.” He turned to Donna, pointing to the Doctor. “Last time I saw him, he said he was dying.”

Donna’s expression changed abruptly to alarm, whipping back toward the Doctor. “What?”

Ah, so she didn’t remember any of that from the Metacrisis. For the best really. He waved her off, knowing it wouldn’t be enough, but too tired to get into it fully. “It’s a long story.”

“He saved my life,” Wilf persisted, though, eagerly telling Donna. “Absorbed a huge amount of radiation in my place. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”

“I wouldn’t give me that much credit,” the Doctor shook his head. “You wouldn’t have been in that situation if you hadn’t come with me anyway. And I didn’t exactly handle it with much grace. I’m sorry for that.”

He hated that he remembered every word he’d said to Wilf while raging at his own demise. He was grateful Donna didn’t.

“Ah, but look at you, still here after all this time!” Wilf exclaimed, unfazed.

“I did regenerate,” the Doctor told him. “No last-minute tricks. Went round, said my goodbyes, and became a new man.”

“Oh.” Wilf’s face fell.

“Had three different faces, actually, since I last saw you,” the Doctor mused.

“Not…all at once?” Wilf asked.

A laugh burst from the Doctor’s chest. It came out more like a cough, but it still felt good nonetheless. “No. Not all at once.”

“Ah. That’s good, I suppose.”

The Doctor grinned, drawing a deep, more relaxed breath. “Oh, I’ve missed you, Wilfred.”

Wilf smiled back. “We’ve missed you, too. But, uh, how…?” He gestured to the Doctor’s familiar face.

“Oh, it came back. Didn’t know they could do that, but apparently some part of me knew I had unfinished business here.”

He looked fondly at Donna, but she was giving him a Look of her own that said she would be getting the entirety of that story out of him later.

Fortunately, the door to the room opened again before she could demand more information and the rest of the family came rushing in.

“Donna?”

“Mum?”

“Rose!”

Donna practically flew up from the table, racing to throw her arms around Rose and hold her as tightly as possible. The Doctor could practically feel the relief radiating off her and smiled to himself. Shaun wrapped both of them in a hug, kissing Donna’s head and murmuring something to her.

A general commotion followed that was a bit too big for the enclosed meeting room as everyone confirmed everyone else was safe and reasonably well. In it, the Doctor noticed that Sylvia was a bit quiet and withdrawn, holding herself at a subtle distance and avoiding eye contact.

Ah. It clicked for him. The effects of the Giggle. Sylvia was a strong personality at the best of times. With everyone influenced to be completely hard-headed and aggressive about everything they thought, what arguments had gone down in the Temple-Noble household these last two days? He thought he may have been lucky to just deal with the Toymaker.

“No, but seriously, where did you go?” Rose asked Donna, eyes alight with curiosity.

The Doctor saw Donna’s expression shutter slightly, though her smile didn’t falter. “Oh, a few places while we got the TARDIS working right again. Here and there. We saw Isaac Newton!”

Good redirect. Not a lie, interesting enough to seem like the biggest stop on the trip.

“Oh yeah?” Shaun asked. “What was he like? Did he have an apple?”

“We did land in the apple tree right while he was under it, yes. Made a joke about the mavity of the situation, don’t think he got it. Surprisingly handsome, that one.” Donna nodded in the Doctor’s direction. “The Doctor fancied him.”

“I—” The Doctor sputtered at suddenly being thrown under the conversational bus. But he knew Donna was avoiding the others pushing about what really happened while they were gone and he accepted being that distraction. “You would have too if you had seen him. The portraits really don’t do him justice.”

“Honestly, I don’t know how you get anywhere you intend to in that thing if even a simple errand turns into an unplanned adventure,” Sylvia commented pointedly.

Donna winced, stepping slightly between her and the Doctor. “It wasn’t his fault, Mum. I—”

“It’s not normally that fiddly, but the TARDIS had just redesigned its interior,” the Doctor cut her off nonchalantly. “It likes to do that sometimes when I get a new face. New Doctor, new TARDIS. Guess the controls are laid out a bit differently now. I hit a button that used to be somewhere else…” He gestured flying away.

Donna gave him a grateful look. He winked back subtly.

Sylvia narrowed her eyes, clearly not fully believing him, but she apparently decided not to press the issue. “Well, I suppose wherever you were, at least you weren’t here for all the madness the last few days. Probably safer out there.”

The memory of the Not-Things, of nearly leaving Donna behind on the self-destructing ship in the void, flashed through the Doctor’s mind. He swallowed hard.

“Thankfully, they got back just in time,” Kate said from the doorway, walking in with Mel. “Things here would have turned out very badly without the two of them.”

The Doctor stood back up again, now grateful for a distraction himself.

“I know you!” Wilf said. “You’re the woman who helped arrange my sheltered accommodations!”

“I am, yes.” She gave him a nod of greeting, then addressed the room again. “I’m Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, chief science officer in charge of UNIT. I just wanted to come introduce myself and make sure you had all reunited safely.”

“We were pretty lucky,” Shaun spoke up, putting an arm around Rose’s shoulders. His voice was slightly forced, like he was putting on a positive air for his daughter. “Hunkered down inside, stayed out of trouble. Some hooligans smashed a few windows on my cab, but that’s the worst of it, I think.”

“What?” Donna asked, concerned.

“I wasn’t in it,” he assured her. “Just another hassle to deal with is all.”

“I’m very sorry,” Kate said sincerely, pulling out a tablet and tapping at it. “I’ll add that to the list of damages we can assist with along with the existing orders for your house.”

“Oh, thank you,” Shaun said, eyebrows raising.

“Not that I’m protesting,” Sylvia interjected, “but why are you going to so much trouble for us? Who are we to you?”

Now Kate arched her eyebrows, looking up at them. “To be honest, it’s the least we can do given Donna’s service protecting Earth and the rest of the universe.”

The Doctor smiled slightly as Donna stood a little taller, the rest of the family looking over in a mix of surprise and pride.

“The Doctor was a friend of my father’s, back when he was running UNIT,” Kate continued. “I didn’t know about it then, but after I joined, I had the opportunity to work alongside several of his past companions—friends,” she amended, giving an apologetic gesture to Donna, who nodded acknowledgment.

“In making this modern version of UNIT, one of my goals is to provide those who traveled with the Doctor a safe place to land once they came home. I would have been in touch sooner, but we got a very strict ‘Do not interact’ message regarding Donna when I initially began looking her up,” Kate said, exchanging a look with the Doctor. “So I opted to keep an eye from a distance and offer aid where I could, such as with Wilfred’s care.”

“It’s appreciated, ma’am,” Wilf told her with a salute. She smiled and gave him a little informal salute back.

“Speaking of,” Kate added, “I’m sure you’re all exhausted and eager to get some rest. We’re happy to cover some accommodations for you while your home is being repaired. Major Singh is making arrangements for a ride for you all—”

“Can we go back to our house first?” Donna asked. “Get some of our things? I don’t think any of us have been back since the madness started.”

“Of course,” Kate nodded. “We’ve had a few officers standing guard, but admittedly I haven’t seen an update in the last few days.”

The Doctor swallowed. He felt bad enough Donna’s home had been partially destroyed during the escape with the Meep. The idea it could have been looted or otherwise damaged while they were gone made it worse.

“So,” Kate put her tablet away and folded her arms, “I’ll leave you to get some rest and sort things out. Donna, whenever you’re ready, come back in and I’ll get your onboarding paperwork started.”

The Doctor’s head shot up and over to Donna. “What? Really?”

“What’s that now?” Sylvia asked.

“Right, hadn’t mentioned that yet,” Donna said, turning back to her family. “UNIT offered me a job.”

The Doctor looked back at Kate with an arched eyebrow. Even in the midst of a crisis, she wasted no time apparently.

“Hang on, now, you’re not recruiting my little girl to be a soldier, are you?” Wilf asked, suddenly serious and leaning forward.

“No.” Kate shook her head. “I’ve worked hard to make UNIT a science organization first, military as a last resort. We haven’t discussed an exact job title, but I presumed something in a science advisor or consultant role, similar to Mel here.”

Mel gave a little wave. “Hi! Melanie Bush,” she introduced herself to Donna’s family. “I traveled with the Doctor ages ago. Just got back to Earth fairly recently and I’ve been working on the computing side of things for UNIT since. It’s a great job! Usually not dangerous at all!”

“Traveling with the Doctor speaks a great deal for someone’s talent and character, as well as provides a unique range of experience protecting the people of Earth from the dangers in the universe,” Kate said before any of the others could ask about that ‘usually’. “On top of that, Donna was instrumental in discovering the true nature of a Sontaran cloning facility on Earth years ago and just today spotted the pattern that let us understand the waveform triggering the chaos recently. We could really use that level of insight and perceptiveness when dealing with alien encounters to hopefully avoid a military response.”

“She even temped as a Time Lord,” the Doctor couldn’t resist putting in.

Donna gave him a look like she wanted to retort, but stopped, considering. “Huh. I guess you could say that.”

“As I said, you have a very distinguished resume.” Kate folded her arms behind her back. “And if I may be blunt, I think at any other job your talents would be going to waste.”

“I mean, you don’t have to sell me on it again,” Donna demurred, but it was clear she was relishing the compliments. She stepped forward slightly, leaning in almost conspiratorially to Kate. “Those terms we discussed. They still apply?”

Kate smiled slightly, amused. “One hundred twenty thousand a year, five weeks holiday.”

The Doctor’s eyes widened. He saw Sylvia put a hand over her mouth, Shaun, Wilf, and Rose staring in awe.

“Just making sure.” Donna stepped back. “So! We’ll talk tomorrow then?”

“Take whatever time you need to recover. The offer doesn’t expire. For now, I’m going to check on how clean-up is going in the city. Major Singh will be up when a ride is ready for you.” Kate held out her hand to shake Donna’s. “I look forward to working together.”

“Likewise,” Donna replied.

She managed to keep her professional composure until the door closed behind Kate and then Donna and her family erupted into a bout of excited screams and cheers. Shaun swept Donna up in a hug, spinning her around and kissing her. Mel and the Doctor grinned from the sidelines.

“Can you believe it?!” Donna said breathlessly as Shaun set her down. “No more temping. No more worrying about money. A real, permanent job!”

“Well-deserved,” the Doctor said with a proud smile.

“You’re going to be working with aliens, saving the world?” Rose asked, eyes sparkling.

“About time you had one worthy of you,” Shaun said, pulling her in for another kiss.

“Doctor,” Sylvia said, looking at him seriously across the celebratory bustle. “You trust this place? These people?”

He was more than a little surprised she was asking his opinion. “I do,” he nodded. “I’ve known Kate since she was a little girl. She’s doing marvelous things with UNIT these days. And if Mel’s happy to work here, they must be doing things right. She has very high standards.”

“Notice how since I used to work with him, he’s complimenting himself too,” Mel said in an exaggerated whisper, nudging Donna’s shoulder.

“I caught that,” Donna agreed.

“Ha ha,” the Doctor deadpanned. “Good luck, Kate, having you two working together.” He looked back to Sylvia and then to Wilf. “But in all seriousness, I can’t think of somewhere better for Donna to work. And if it ever, for any reason, doesn’t live up to what it should be, I’ll feel better knowing Donna’s there to set them right again.”

“I thank you,” she said with a little bow.

“Are you off again, then?” Wilf asked, a sad wistfulness entering his voice. “Any chance you’d be willing to stick around for dinner or something, catch up on old times? Celebrate the victory?”

The Doctor drew a deep breath, looking to Donna. “Well, actually, I’ve decided to take some very wise advice and take some time off. Stick around Earth for a while.”

“Really?” Rose said, face lighting up.

“Yeah.” He leaned against the wall, the weariness of the day settling in again. “It’s been…a lot lately. I suppose a bit of retirement is overdue.”

“And you can do that?” Wilf asked. “There aren’t others who need you out there?”

That anxiety gnawed at the back of the Doctor’s mind, but he forced himself to ignore it. “Should be fine. There’s another me already out there covering it.”

“One of your other regenerations?” Rose asked. “Aren’t there a dozen or so of you out there traveling around?”

He cocked his head, wondering how much Rose remembered and understood now. “I mean, we’re not supposed to overlap, really. Happens sometimes, but—” Might as well explain now. “So, I got shot by the Toymaker—the one who made all of that happen—” He gestured vaguely encompassing everything. “But when I regenerated, instead of changing, the new me just sort of…split off. Whole new me. But with me still here.”

“Is that…normal?” Sylvia asked cautiously.

“No, didn’t think it was possible. Believe me, I was beside myself.” He glanced at Mel for approval, but she just gave him a patient grimace for the bad joke.

“See? Like worms. Just like I told you,” Donna said.

The Doctor frowned. “When did you say that?”

Donna paused too. “Oh right, that was the other you. Not today’s other you, Rose’s other you.” At her daughter’s confused look, she amended, “Not my Rose! The other Rose’s other you. Blimey! I forgot how complicated it is with you!”

The Doctor chuckled now. He had thought of Rose and his other, partially-human self today. What was it about this face and settling down? He shook it off. “Anyway, I won’t interfere with your lives. Just take some downtime here planetside. Walk in the dust,” he added to Donna, recalling her own words from the first day the met.

But she didn’t return his look of fond recognition.

“Like hell, mister, pardon my language,” Donna said with an apologetic hand gesture to Rose, who just shrugged, before crossing her arms. “You just got back. The TARDIS practically dumped you at my feet and told you to stay put. I’m not having you disappear again even if it is just on the same planet.” She pointed sharply at him. “You owe me fifteen years, sunshine, and I plan to collect! Doesn’t have to be all at once, but still!”

He arched his eyebrows, slightly startled by the intensity, but also relieved she truly did want him to stay. “Right.”

His eyes flicked to the rest of the family, though. He wasn’t sure they had quite as fond an attachment to him.

Shaun gave him a sage nod. “Best do what she says, mate. Otherwise she’s apt to track you down herself.”

The Doctor bobbed his eyebrows, agreeing. “Yeah, she’s done it before.”

Donna smiled, now nodding at the memory. Then she paused. “Wait, if I’m working here, is that going to tempt you to get involved in alien stuff again instead of resting?”

He frowned. “Donna, don’t you dare turn down this job because of me.”

She gave him a withering look he had gotten all too familiar with. “Of course I’m taking the job, Dumbo. I’m asking if you can behave yourself!”

The Doctor leaned back, embarrassment creeping up his neck. “Ah. Yes, I promise.”

He noticed Mel smirking behind her hand. Oh, he was definitely in for it with those two working together.

Sylvia was still watching him with a certain amount of suspicion, the worry lines around her eyes no less tense, but Wilf grinned, sitting up straighter in his wheelchair.

“Well, I for one am glad to hear it! I worried about you out there, lad, fighting all them aliens, all by yourself. Nice to know for a while everyone will be safe in one place. And we can finally talk again now that Donna’s back to her old self!” he said, squeezing her hand.

The Doctor raised an imaginary toast, but saw a flicker of a shadow pass through Donna’s eyes. It was gone as soon as it appeared, replaced by a more cheerful look, but he wondered what that was about.

Before he could consider pursuing it, there was a knock at the door and it opened, revealing Major Singh, saluting. “Sorry for interrupting. Just letting you know we have a transport ready whenever you’re prepared to go. Room enough for whatever you need to pick-up at your house too.”

“Thank you,” Donna said, looking over at Shaun. “Home sounds wonderful right now.”

“I’ll see you soon, then. So glad you’re joining us!” Mel said, embracing Donna. “Oh! You should start coming to the companion support group! Everyone would love to meet you!”

The Doctor perked up, listening intently.

“Support group?” Donna asked.

“Yeah! Graham O’Brien started it—he’s one of the Doctor’s most recent companions. He wanted a place to be able to talk about his time with the Doctor since we can’t really do so publicly.”

Graham. The Doctor’s heart swelled. “Who else is part of it?” he asked, a little hoarsely.

Mel looked over, smiling. “Oh, almost everyone who’s still around and willing. Yaz, Dan, you saw Tegan and Ace,” she continued, his hearts jumping with each name. “Jo, Ian…”

“Ian?” The Doctor almost choked. “Ian’s still alive?”

Mel nodded. “He’s in his eighties and his health’s not great, but he comes to every meeting. I think he’s relieved to get to talk after all these years, have some proper friends he can be honest with. Oh! And when she has the time, sometimes Martha joins us over Zoom. She’s in the US now.”

Donna’s eyes widened. “Martha! Oh my god, how is she?”

“Good. Keeping busy over there. She’s mostly freelance, but I think Kate’s winning her over to the idea of working with the new UNIT chapter over there. Medicine again and something more stable for her kids.”

Kids? The Doctor’s head was swimming a bit, trying to cling to which names Mel had mentioned, which she hadn’t. He had all the time in the world now. He wondered if any of them would want to see him again. He owed Martha a conversation at the very least, especially since he had this face again. And Yaz… Oh, Yaz…

“They’re okay?” he managed. “All of them, they’re doing all right?”

Mel’s expression softened to a gentler happiness. “They are. I’m sure they’d love to see you again, though.”

He nodded mutely. He wondered how much that was true.

“And really! You should come to a meeting once you’ve settled in,” Mel said to Donna.

“Yeah,” Donna nodded, though he noted her voice sounded just as hesitant as he felt. “I’ll think about it.”

They followed Major Singh out, the Doctor proudly stepping up to take the role of pushing Wilf’s chair, and Singh saluted again as they passed.

“Oh, stop saluting! I hate the saluting!” the Doctor complained.

“We know, sir,” Singh responded. “But our records indicate Mrs. Noble does prefer to be saluted.”

The others turned to look at Donna, who had paused, slightly embarrassed. “Right. I forgot about that. You know what, we’ll talk about that, but for today let’s keep that going.”

Shaun chuckled, pulling Donna closer. Sylvia rolled her eyes but looked amused.

Wilf shook his head affectionately. “Still the little general.”

The Doctor smiled to himself as they made their way to the elevator. His emotions still felt raw and he could feel the ramifications of his agreement to stay grounded looming at the edge of his mind, but for the moment he could just enjoy a moment with Donna, Wilf, and their family. He never thought he would have this second chance, and he intended to cherish every moment of it.

Chapter Text

Driving through London with the Temple-Nobles was the first time the Doctor got to see the full, on-the-ground effects of the Toymaker’s influence. Everywhere they passed, buildings were damaged, crashed cars were scattered around the streets, graffiti and evidence of fires showed everywhere. Those civilians out helping with the clean-up of their properties looked at each other with either guilt or anger and mostly kept to themselves. It looked like a warzone.

The guilt that had been roiling in the Doctor’s stomach seeped further through him. He thought of the plane crashing over their heads shortly after they returned, how many lives lost just in that. How bad had things gotten in other countries, other continents? The whole world again in ruins because someone was targeting him. He knew what Donna and his future self had said, but he couldn’t help but think: All this because of a bit of salt at the edge of the universe…

He hadn’t realized he had closed his eyes until he felt Donna’s hand wrap around his clenched fist, getting him to relax and twine his fingers with hers. He looked over at her and saw the understanding sadness in her eyes. She leaned against his shoulder and he accepted the contact, letting his head rest slightly on top of hers. Right. That’s why he was here.

A memory echoed to him across time.

“Wish you had a time machine. Then we could go back and get it right.”

Ah, for a time when solutions seemed that simple. But they never had been.

The truck pulled up in a now-familiar neighborhood and the soldier driving gave them a nod. “Take as long as you need. I’ll be here.”

“Thank you,” Donna said, extracting her hand from the Doctor’s with a last squeeze and shuffling to the door.

The Doctor got out on his side of the car, hanging back as Donna and Shaun looked over the wrecked façade of their house. Sylvia and Rose climbed out behind them, Rose giving her grandmother a hand. Wilf had opted to return to his own apartment, worn out by all the excitement.

“Rose!”

The Doctor was never going to get used to the way his hearts leapt whenever he heard that. But a young boy was running across the street from a neighboring house focused on Donna’s daughter.

She stepped away from the family, surprised when the boy slammed into her with a hug. “Fudge? What’s the matter?”

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” he said, finally letting go but his face a mix of fear and relief. “Last time I saw you was when the alien ship landed and then there were monsters and soldiers shooting up your house and the streets broke open with lava and I didn’t see you again! Your whole family was gone!”

Rose’s expression softened and she crouched down to the boy’s level. “I’m sorry. We got out safely and then stayed at my gran’s while everyone was acting weird. Are you okay?”

“We’re fine, but how did you get away? What happened with the alien?”

Rose looked over to the Doctor. “It’s…a long story. But we were rescued by a good alien too.”

The boy’s eyes widened as he suddenly paid attention to the Doctor, who just shrugged and said, “Well, I helped a little, but it was Rose and her mum who saved London. You’ve got a brave friend there.”

Rose looked a bit flustered and the Doctor gave a wink and took the opportunity to head up to the house while she fielded a fresh bombardment of questions from the kid. She could decide how much she wanted to tell him, but might as well get a bit of local legend going. She deserved it.

Donna, Shaun, and Sylvia were talking to the soldiers posted at the door of the house. The Doctor noted that all the UNIT troops on the street were still sporting Zeedex armbands. Good. Perhaps they’d kept some measure of peace here.

“…Structural reinforcements are in place, so it should be safe to go into all of the rooms,” the guard was saying. “We’ll have repair crews getting to work tomorrow now that things are settled down.”

“Was there any new trouble due to the madness earlier?” Donna asked.

“Nothing particularly dangerous or destructive.” The guard exchanged a brief glance with the other, looked down the driveway toward where Rose was talking to her friend, then continued with a bit of forced nonchalance. “A group of young delinquents made a couple attempts to cause trouble, but we drove them off before they could do any harm.”

The Doctor saw a dangerous look come over Donna’s face. “That so? Oh, I’m going to have those boys’ hides! When this is done—”

Sylvia squeezed her arm. “I know, dear. Later.”

The Doctor frowned, confused what he was missing. Shaun leaned over and whispered, “Bullies from Rose’s school.”

Oh. Right, England, twenty-first century. The Doctor nodded. He was a bit amazed how deeply a fearsome protectiveness kindled in his chest considering he’d only known Rose existed for a few days. But Sylvia had a point, much as he hated to admit it. More pressing matters for now. He would just remember that for later.

The Doctor mostly stayed out of the way while Donna and her family went through the house for their belongings and Rose gathered her creations from the shed. He couldn’t really think of a thing to say or do that would be helpful. He looked at the rubble from the blasted-out walls, the debris scattered around rooms, and tried to remember what the house had looked like when he arrived two days ago. A warm space filled with life and memories, mostly tidy but far from stark. A home built and lived in over the last fifteen years.

And shattered in just a few hours as soon as he came into it.

He stood awkwardly in the living room, one of the few spaces mostly untouched due to the energy barriers he had created, now long since faded. Throughout the house he could hear conversation as Donna and the others moved through, deciding what to bring with them to the hotel they were offered. Occasional sounds of dismay as they found something damaged or missing. Each little sigh or groan poked the guilt filling his chest.

The Doctor picked up a framed picture that had been set on the sofa after clearing out the hallway. It was a wedding photo of Donna and Shaun. The frame was broken and the glass cracked, but the photo was thankfully intact. He stared at the image, remembering the day itself, the radiation damage burning through his cells as he held off the regeneration energy, the agony in his chest that Donna wouldn’t know him even if he could bring himself to say goodbye. The need to leave her something, some gift to assure her a secure, happy future without him.

A gift which she immediately gave away…

She was happy, though. He could see it written in every detail of this house. Photos of family, art clearly made by young Rose on the fridge or sitting on shelves alongside souvenirs from trips. Books on shelves—he spotted a complete set of Agatha Christie novels and his throat tightened—mismatched mugs and dishes, grocery lists, to-do lists, coupons, blankets and worn, but clearly favored clothing, toys and games and a television and all the sort of messiness that told of a life lived…

Now broken, and upended and being sorted into bags and boxes, catalogued into which parts you treasured enough you couldn’t leave them, even if just for a few days or weeks…

He shouldn’t have come back. Maybe this was all a mistake and with the excitement over now Donna would realize he had ruined her life after all and would regret asking him to stay.

“This is my fault.”

The Doctor jumped, alarmed to hear his own thoughts spoken aloud by someone else. He peered out down the hallway to where Rose was standing in the kitchen, her arms wrapped around herself, tears already streaking her cheeks.

“Sweetheart…” Shaun said, setting down the box he was carrying.

Donna was already on the move, coming over to grip Rose’s arms gently. “No, it’s not. None of this is your fault, darling.”

“I brought the Meep here,” Rose argued, sniffling. “If I’d just left it alone, it wouldn’t have targeted us. The Warth and the UNIT soldiers wouldn’t have come here—”

“And they’d have attacked another house,” Donna interrupted. “Maybe one that didn’t have the Doctor nearby to help them.”

“I guess, but—” Rose muttered, but Donna pressed on.

“Listen. The Meep was going escape and take back its ship no matter who gave it shelter. Because you brought it here, you and I were able to be there to shut down the dagger drive and save London. The two exact people who needed to be there. Nine million people would be dead right now, the whole city destroyed, if you hadn’t brought the Meep here. A house can be fixed. That couldn’t.”

“What do I always say about things like this?” Shaun asked softly, coming over to join them. “I’d rather you be too kind…”

“…Than not care,” Rose finished, wiping her cheek.

“That’s right.” He stroked the tears off her other cheek. “I’ll never be mad at you for trying to help someone.”

“And if it goes wrong, that’s what I’m here for,” Donna added, that dangerous glint in her eyes again.

Rose nodded, tears flowing again, and her parents wrapped her into a hug.

The Doctor’s chest warmed as he smiled faintly. Maybe not everything was ruined after all.

“You! If you’ve got time to stand around, you can help carry things out to the car,” Sylvia interrupted, shoving an overstuffed duffel bag into the Doctor’s arms. “Honestly, I don’t know how you’re planning to fit all of this in a hotel room, let alone that car,” she added to the others.

“I’m not leaving some of those things here,” Donna said wearily, keeping an arm around Rose, but pulling back to argue. “The UNIT soldiers are lovely, but we can’t ask them to stay forever and what if someone tries to loot the place again?”

“I mean, you can always put anything you’re worried about in the TARDIS,” the Doctor offered. “No one can break in there.”

“And have it go drifting off to orbit Jupiter in the year 5 billion?” Sylvia snorted.

“I’ll put the parking brake on!” the Doctor protested. “I’m not planning to go anywhere anytime soon.” He tried not to let that settle in on his mind.

“We’d still have to take everything all the way back to UNIT headquarters though,” Donna pointed out.

“Nah, I’ve got my sonic. I can call it to come park in the garden. Just load up whatever you want to keep safe, plenty of room. More than enough room if you’d rather sleep there too than in a hotel.”

“Not a chance.” Sylvia glared at him.

“We could stay in the TARDIS?” Rose asked, perking up a bit.

That alone encouraged him to press the idea. “Lots of guest rooms,” he tempted, “a full kitchen, library, a pool—At least I think the pool’s there. It should’ve grown back by now.”

“You’ve got all that in there?” Shaun asked, looking more curious now too.

“It would be more convenient than having to drive across town,” Donna agreed, sighing. “And it is starting to get dark…”

“Oh, I give up,” Sylvia grumbled. “But if you all disappear again, I’m not taking care of the house!”

“Sylvia,” the Doctor said seriously, holding her gaze. “I made a promise. I know my record isn’t the best, but I swear to you, the TARDIS will stay perfectly still right here and everyone will be safe and sound tonight.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” she said, but without as much true disdain in her voice as she may have had a few days ago. “Well, I’ll go tell the driver he’s just taking me home when we’re done here, then.”

“May want to have him warn UNIT that the TARDIS is about to disappear from there so no one gets concerned.”

“Anything else, your majesty?” she asked, arching an eyebrow with a little fake bow.

He smiled back, recognizing the beginnings of banter being possible with her. “Just, thank you.”

She huffed, but nodded more sincerely and headed out the front of the house.

“Now,” the Doctor said, shifting the duffel bag to one arm and digging his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket as he headed for the back garden, “any preference where you’d like me to park?”

“Knowing how you park, just not inside the house or on top of Rose’s shed,” Donna said, following.

“You land on a campervan one time…” he muttered, setting down the bag and adjusting the controls on the sonic. There appeared to be plenty of space in the empty grass.

“So I actually get to go inside the TARDIS this time?” Rose asked, her tears completely replaced by excitement now.

“Not to travel anywhere,” Donna said firmly. “No trips or adventures. But yes, we can spend some time in the TARDIS.”

The Doctor listened with half an ear as he put in the coordinates for the TARDIS to materialize. He took extra care to be certain of the clearance. He really didn’t want to damage Rose’s shed…

The familiar whir of the TARDIS’ engines filled the garden, soothing his mind with her presence. He could already feel his blood pressure lower a bit just having her closer by again.

As if knowing a show of ability was being asked for, the TARDIS parked neatly and perfectly spaced alongside the shed made in her likeness.

“There we are, safe as houses!” he grinned back at them. “Your temporary home awaits.”

Rose looked at Donna for permission.

“Go on. Just no playing with the controls!” Donna called after her as Rose hurried forward.

Relishing the showman role for a bit longer, the Doctor snapped his fingers to open the TARDIS doors. Rose’s eyes widened even more.

“Show-off,” Donna murmured as she walked beside him.

“Indulge me.” He raised his voice to the others. “Shaun Temple, Rose Noble, welcome to the TARDIS. Make yourselves at home.”

He strolled behind them into the main room, enjoying as ever watching someone experience the ship for the first time.

“It’s bigger than it was in your memories,” Rose said, looking over one of the railings at the looping paths through the room.

He blinked. Slightly new variation on the normal first reaction. But then, it really wasn’t Rose’s first time being aware of the TARDIS, was it? Even if she didn’t fully remember.

“Well?” he asked. “Does it live up to what you recreated with your shed?”

She gave it a thoughtful look. “Mine’s cozier, but the real one’s still pretty amazing.”

The TARDIS made a slightly indignant noise at Rose’s modest praise and the Doctor chuckled. Apparently Rose wasn’t going to make impressing her any easier than Donna had. She was her mother’s daughter after all. “Just wait till you explore the rest. Why don’t you go pick out which room you’d like to stay in tonight?”

She looked around at the multitude of doors leading out from the various bridges around the room. “Which way…?”

“I’m sure whichever one you pick will get you where you need to go. Ah, or the TARDIS will lead the way,” he said, gesturing toward the back of the control room where one door iris had opened invitingly.

Rose looked at it with barely restrained curiosity, but still paused and glanced back, cautiously. “I can pick any room?”

“Well, any of the bedrooms, yes. Other than mine or your parents’. Go on! It’s just an alien spaceship. Not like it’s the first one you’ve seen!”

Rose grinned and hurried off to investigate.

“Be careful!” Donna called after her.

Shaun looked up from where he was poring over the console’s controls. “I should probably go with her to make sure she doesn’t get in trouble, yeah?”

“The TARDIS won’t let her in anywhere dangerous and will steer her back this way if she starts getting lost,” the Doctor assured him. “But go check it out. Pick a spot to store your bags tonight. Make yourself at home.”

“Right.” He turned around again, taking in the scope of the room, then smiled at Donna as he headed after Rose. “Nice to see where you lived while going on all those adventures.”

“Well, it looked a lot different back then,” Donna said, running a hand over the clean, white console top. “Far more sleek and modern these days, though I do miss the gold a bit. And, of course, the guest room’s probably completely different now,” she added as Shaun followed Rose out.

The Doctor looked down at her. “No, no, your room’s still there, just as you left it.”

She looked at him like he was mad. “You’ve probably had a dozen other people travel with you since I left. You’re telling me the TARDIS keeps a separate room for everyone?”

“Well, maybe not those who didn’t stay long, but once you’ve truly lived here, it’s yours forever. Seriously, she kept it safe and waiting for you, even if it’s maybe a bit stuffy from being tucked away for so long.” He felt emotion tightening his throat at the reality that Donna was truly here again and knew that this new old face wasn’t hiding it. “Honestly, I think she always hoped you’d get to come back too.”

Donna nodded, her eyes glistening. She stroked the edge of the console and said in a quiet, brittle voice, “Even after I spilled coffee in the controls?”

The Doctor leaned over conspiratorially. “You’re one of her favorites; I don’t think she can stay mad at you.”

As if in agreement, the console pulsed under Donna’s hand.

She smiled. “Well, I missed her too, even if I didn’t know it.” She took a steadying breath, pulling herself together. “All right, enough getting soppy. Let’s get everything moved so we can finally get some rest.”

“I imagine there’s a spare storage room right through that door now,” he said, pointing to where, sure enough, another doorway waited open on the shortest path from the external door.

“Good. You know, I’m grateful for these ramps now. No extra stairs to haul things up and down. I can’t imagine hauling all of that in over those grates that were here last time.”

“I can. I carried your luggage in that first time, if I recall.”

The Doctor picked up the duffel bag again, but paused before following her. He glanced over at the console, tapping it thoughtfully. A console which had never, in all these years, decided to include a coffeemaker before. Never, that is, until the day Donna returned for ‘one last trip’ before he left again. Donna, who preferred coffee over tea and had just gotten fired for spilling said drink on a work computer. Donna, who had far too many ‘coincidences’ surrounding her life.

He narrowed his eyes at the TARDIS controls. “You planned all that, didn’t you?”

The TARDIS just gave an innocent warble.

“Mm-hm,” he hummed skeptically. He smirked, shouldered the bag, and followed Donna and her family into the living area.

OOO

They were all thoroughly exhausted after hauling in the Temple-Nobles’ more treasured belongings and the whole of Rose’s creations and crafting supplies from the shed, all of which were thankfully undamaged from the recent chaos. They convinced Sylvia—and the patient UNIT driver—to stay for dinner, though getting her to stay any longer in the TARDIS than necessary was a big to-do. With food in their stomachs and the long day catching up with them, shortly after they bid Sylvia good night and on her way, everyone settled into their own rooms for the night.

Even the Doctor found himself giving in to the weariness that weighed at his bones. Apparently bigeneration didn’t take as much out of him as standard regeneration did, but he still collapsed into his bed and was out before he had time to overthink it too much.

He wasn’t sure how long he slept, but it was woefully restless. The nightmares crept past the tattered walls he tried to maintain in consciousness and mocked his need for rest. He was in the console room again, racing around the controls to fly away, the Not-Donna watching his efforts. Only this time he discovered his error a moment too late and as he tried to return to the doomed ship, desperate to get back to the real Donna, it erupted in flame in front of the TARDIS doors. He could do nothing but watch as he saw the outline of Donna—his Donna—for an instant, turning to look at him with utter betrayal before the explosion consumed her.

He screamed his anguish and failure as the Not-Donna laughed behind him, savoring his pain again. Then his dreaming mind fractaled the scene into the memories of all the friends he had lost, dragged so recently from the vaults of his mind by the Toymaker’s show. Amy and Clara and Bill, Adric and Sarah Jane. River and Susan, Rory, the Brigadier, Adelaide and Astrid… Rose… So many more, their endings with him playing out simultaneously in a cacophony of grief and his own failures over a backdrop of worlds burning out of existence.

“How clever are you if you couldn’t save the people you claim you love?” Not-Donna’s all-too-accurate copy of her voice sneered at him. “And now you’re not even trying! Who else is going to die next while you’re ‘retired’? Don’t think you can get away just ‘cause you’re hiding!”

He jerked upright in his bed, gasping and covered in cold sweat. He scrambled to untangle himself from the sheets, feeling trapped, bound, until he extracted his limbs and was able to pull himself free and catch his breath.

It was a dream. Yes, the losses were real, but nothing new. And he had returned the Not-Thing and brought the real Donna home safely to her family. She was asleep right now in her own room, protected within the TARDIS. As were Shaun and Rose. Things were all right, for the moment.

He still felt the bone-deep exhaustion, but knew there would be no getting back to sleep now. Maybe, just to calm his panicky mind, he could go check on Donna. Not wake her up, just confirm for himself she was real and alive. But sneaking to her room would probably disturb her own much-needed sleep and alarm Shaun.

No, he would settle for a walk and a hot drink. Morning would come soon enough—though still so slow in this linear path—and there would be fresh distractions to keep him busy. He could ride out the night, find something to tinker with until the images of loss and horror faded back into the depths of his mind and his hands stopped shaking. Certainly not the first time.

He made his way down the TARDIS’ hallways, rubbing his face as he approached the kitchen. He had just readjusted to the TARDIS being empty again long enough that he was nearly startled to see other people at the dining table already. He pulled back, peering around the frame of the door.

Donna was sitting, her hands wrapped around a mug, head hanging so her hair hid her face, but her body language was clear. Shaun sat beside her, his arm around her, rubbing her arm and talking softly.

The Doctor backed away before he accidentally intruded on the moment. It shouldn’t surprise him that Donna would have trouble sleeping tonight too. He wouldn’t bother her. He could see she was awake and alive, if not completely well. She had Shaun. A drink could wait. He started off down the hallway. Plenty of space to walk laps in the console room until the nervous energy finally burned off now, then maybe he could make sure the temporal calibrator was synchronized properly…

He hadn’t gotten terribly far when a voice behind him pulled him from his thoughts.

“You’re still awake too?”

The Doctor turned, seeing Shaun strolling down the hallway toward him. Without Donna. The Doctor’s hearts pounded a little, but Shaun’s demeanor was calm. No emergency. No need to worry.

“I don’t need much sleep,” he said, forcing himself to focus on the conversation instead. “Try to avoid it when I can. Too boring.”

“Ah.” Shaun nodded. “I used to do that too. Then I had a baby. Make the most of what I can get ever since.” He gestured back down the hall. “Donna’s up too. Rough dreams.”

“She all right?” the Doctor asked reflexively.

“Yeah, just I guess getting all her memories back at once stirred things up. I’m heading to check on Rose, make sure she’s not having the same trouble.”

“Right.” The Doctor hadn’t really thought about that beyond the initial danger of the Metacrisis passing. To be expected, he supposed.

“Donna’s gonna be up for a while yet,” Shaun continued. “She says she’s fine, but I think she’d like it if you were up for a chat.”

“Of course.” He looked back down the hall toward the kitchen. “Yeah, I’ll go stop in.”

“Thanks.” Shaun clapped him on the shoulder. “Get some sleep yourself, if you can. You look like you need it.”

“Thanks. Um…” The Doctor looked over at the man standing in a corridor in the TARDIS in his pajamas, looking fazed by none of those facts. “Shaun, you’ve been handling all of this extremely well. How are you…doing?”

Shaun’s eyebrows raised, but he kind of bobbed his head thoughtfully. “Won’t lie, it’s been a stressful few days. But it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it eventually. Wilf told me about you years ago.”

The Doctor’s expression froze slightly. “Did he, now?”

“Yeah, well,” Shaun leaned against the wall, settling in for a conversation. The Doctor mimicked him. “When I was dating Donna, she told me she had some gaps in her memory. That she apparently had some sort of breakdown happen and lost almost a year of her life, including part of her first wedding. I can’t even imagine how scary that must be.”

The Doctor hummed. He could. Too well.

“But she rolled with it. Didn’t let it stop her from living her life. Nothing stops her for long. I think it embarrassed her, though, when she’d get lost in her own head or not remember something everyone else was talking about. In fact,” Shaun smiled, drifting into a memory of his own, “one of the first gifts I gave her was a book. I’m a writer—or that’s what I wanted to do, if it paid the bills. So, I love books, and I didn’t want Donna to be self-conscious that she’d told me, so I got her a book by Agatha Christie.”

The Doctor’s hearts nearly stopped with fear, despite knowing Donna was still alive. “Really?” he said tightly, trying to cover the anxiety.

Shaun didn’t seem to pick up on it, still reliving the moment. “And I told her how Agatha Christie had an episode in her life that she couldn’t remember either, but that never stopped her from being the most brilliant mystery writer ever. So Donna was in good company.”

The Doctor swallowed hard. The universe really had enjoyed a dark bit of foreshadowing there, hadn’t it? “So she is,” he managed. “How—How did she react?”

Shaun’s face became more serious. “Well, she went really quiet and distant at first, and I figured I’d overstepped and messed that up. Put my foot right in it. And then she started crying, and I was about to start packing my bags, never see her again. But then she hugged me. Said it was the sweetest gift she’d ever gotten. Still preferred jewelry, but she knew what I was saying to her.”

The Doctor snorted, both amused and relieved.

“Anyway, long story long,” Shaun continued, “once we got engaged and moved in together, Wilf took me aside, grandfather to future grandson, and told me things to look out for. He was worried about her moving out and not having him or her mum to protect her anymore. He didn’t tell me everything yet, of course, but that her breakdown was caused by something related to aliens. Lord knows enough weird things have been happening in London the last few decades, it made sense she’d been involved in something traumatic during one of them.”

The Doctor hummed again, sobering. Not wrong there.

“So he warned me if she remembered what happened, it would be very dangerous for her mind, maybe even fatal. That if anything alien was going on, just to distract her and act like everything was normal. That was when I knew he had accepted me into the family.” Shaun’s eyes went a bit wistful. “He knew, one day, he and Sylvia would be gone and he was trusting me to take care of Donna and keep her safe. And when Rose was a little older, I was going to tell her too.”

A bittersweet pain clenched in the Doctor’s chest. He was aware his own expression had gone softer, almost pitifully so. “You were?”

“Of course!” Shaun looked slightly offended, at the least incredulous. “Donna’s my wife, love of my life, other than Rose. We were never going to leave her unprotected.”

The Doctor nodded, lowering his head to hide the tightening of his throat, the mistiness in his eyes. Donna had never been alone. She had been surrounded by people who truly loved her and were doing everything they could to keep her safe. And they had succeeded where he couldn’t for fifteen years.

Until he returned…

“Thank you,” he said sincerely, pulling himself back to the present moment. “I’m very glad she’s had you in her life.”

Shaun nodded back. “Likewise, mate. As he was getting older, Wilf told me the full story about you two eventually. I think he couldn’t stand the idea of all those memories dying with him and Sylvia. He wanted someone to know just how amazing Donna really is.” He scoffed lightly. “Now, I already knew that. A woman who shouts at everything wrong in the world, who gives away a hundred million pounds because it would feed and shelter so many people who need it more? Speaks up for those who don’t have a loud enough voice themselves, pays attention to the people others overlook? Knowing she did that in space too was just gravy. Don’t have to tell me she’s the most important woman in the universe, besides Rose.”

He looked more directly at the Doctor again. “But knowing she had a friend with her, watching out for her out there? Reminding her how great she is? I’m glad to finally meet who she’s been missing all these years.”

The Doctor’s hearts felt like they were overflowing with light. It had been obvious Shaun loved Donna (and she loved him back), but he was pleased to see confirmation Shaun understood her and appreciated who she really was. “I’m glad I get to meet you too.”

“Well,” Shaun said, pushing off the wall, “I bet she’s missing you right now. And I need to check on my daughter. Good night, Doctor.”

“Sleep well, Shaun.”

He watched Shaun walk away down the hall, trusting the TARDIS would steer him correctly to Rose’s room. The Doctor had never had a great record with his companions’ partners. He had never really done right by Rory and definitely had given Mickey more flack than he had earned. He made a promise to himself to do better with Shaun.

But for now he started making his way back to the kitchen. As the warmth of Shaun’s presence faded, anxiety found its way in again. What memories had haunted Donna’s dreams enough to need Shaun to comfort her? Had she been pretending she was more all right than she was? Had part of the Metacrisis remained, affecting her mind, threatening her life still?

He forced those thoughts down and strolled into the kitchen as casually as he could.

Donna looked up and groaned. “Oh, don’t tell me Shaun woke you up to look after me.”

“He didn’t. I was up already. You know me.” He poured a cup of hot water from the kettle and noted the tin sitting by the stove. Cocoa. Probably the best idea this late at night.

She made an understanding noise. “Did you get any sleep?”

“A bit.” He shoveled five scoops of the powder into his mug and came over to sprawl in the chair across from her at the table. “You?”

“Some, yeah.”

“Bad dreams?”

“No surprise there.” She rolled her neck, stretching. “Seriously, I forgot how much you pack into a day in your life. It’s exhausting.”

“Yeah. Not every day, but…yeah.” The Doctor took a sip of his cocoa, the undissolved powder providing a satisfying grittiness. “Guess that’s why I’m here now, hm?”

She gave a quiet snort. “How are you handling that? And don’t just say ‘all right’.”

He tapped his mug with his finger. “Not really set in yet, honestly,” he admitted. “I keep thinking that second me with a second TARDIS was all just a dream. That maybe the Toymaker really did win and the rest was just a weird delusion before I regenerated.” He saw the concerned, sympathetic look on her face and realized he had gone deeper than he intended, so he added, “But then, I’ve seen weirder things on an average Tuesday, so I shouldn’t be surprised, really.”

“You’re allowed to be freaked out,” she said. “It’s been a hell of a few days.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. Few years, few centuries…

“By the way, thanks for not telling my family about the coffee,” Donna said softly. “Mum’s been better, honestly, but still…”

“No need,” he agreed. He hesitated, then said softly, “Thank you for not telling them about how close it got out there.”

A shadow flickered through Donna’s eyes and confirmed for him at least some of the nightmares likely covered what happened on that ship. “No need,” she repeated.

The Doctor knew he should probably try to get her to talk about everything, but Donna was nearly as good at deflecting concern as he was. Instead, he opted for lightening the mood. “So, Shaun seems absolutely lovely.”

As hoped, Donna’s face brightened into a fond smile. “He is. Truly is. I’m so glad you’re getting to meet him. I really think you’ll like each other.”

Their conversation in the hall had already confirmed that for the Doctor, but no need for her to know they’d been talking about her behind her back. “Anyone who lives up to your standards for fifteen years of marriage is well worth knowing in my book.”

Donna nodded. “My mum and grandad didn’t approve at first. They love him now and were never rude to him, but I know Mum especially had hoped I’d find someone with a bit more security. But he’s kind and wonderful and beyond patient. Even when I gave away the money, oh, we had a fight about that. But he understood. He even said he was proud I wanted to help others. A lot of couples, something like that could have ended the marriage right then. But not Shaun.” Her eyes got distant, but the smile faded and her forehead creased.

“Seems like he had his priorities in order,” the Doctor hazarded.

But Donna’s expression was still dark and troubled. “He—It’s just—No.” She waved her hand, forcing back on a more normal air. “Nevermind.”

“What?” the Doctor asked.

“It’s stupid. I shouldn’t even be thinking it,” she tried.

“Donna.”

She sighed and he realized with dismay there was a sheen of tears forming in her eyes when they finally met his again. “Shaun and Rose have only ever known me since the Metacrisis. And I know you locked it away, but that retro-loop thing was still influencing me, all that time. Now that I’m back to being just me—”

He scowled, his spine straightening in anger. “Don’t.”

“I know!” She hid her face in her hands for a second before sniffling and looking away. “But what if they don’t feel the same way now that I’m not quite the same person? Not as soft or thoughtful—”

“There is no such thing as ‘just’ you,” he said firmly, leaning on his folded arms toward her. “You are a brilliant, amazing woman and you never needed me for that. The most I did was give you the opportunity to show it, that’s all. And even if you won’t believe me on that, you’re doing Shaun and Rose a disservice to think they would love you any less now that you’re fully yourself. Those two adore you and not one thing I’ve seen today gives me reason to think that’s changed in the slightest.”

Donna sniffed again and swiped a tear off her cheek. The Doctor wanted so badly to take her hand and pour as much of his feeling and conviction through that touch as he could until it flooded all the doubts out of her mind. But Donna was closed off, her arms wrapped around herself, not unlike her daughter a few hours ago.

“I know,” she said wetly. “You’re right, of course.”

She didn’t fully believe it. On a conscious level, she knew, of course, but there were too many years of self-doubt and self-loathing to silence completely. Fifteen more to undo now.

The Doctor leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his chest in a pose of stubborn intent. He tapped his fingers on his arm. “You know, I remember a bride on her wedding day, still in her wedding dress. She’d been pulled across the universe into a spaceship, learned that aliens were about to destroy the Earth, that she had been poisoned, and her fiancé had betrayed her in the cruelest way possible. And despite being devastated, that woman stepped in front of a man—an alien—she’d only known for a few hours to protect him from the monsters. That was years before you had my mind nattering on in your head.”

Donna sighed, still not meeting his eyes. “Yeah.”

“That same woman convinced that man—a very stubborn, pretentious Time Lord—to bend the rules and save someone during a fixed temporal event. Something that stuck with him for the rest of his very long life.” He gestured a bit aggressively. “No, you didn’t get your compassion from me. You brought it out of me.”

She looked sidelong at him now, smiling slightly to his great relief. “You remembered that all this time later?”

“Of course! You changed my life, Donna Noble. Kept me honest. I went a bit mad when I lost you.”

Her expression fell into concern. “How do you mean?”

Damn. He hadn’t meant to bring that up. He really had left his filter in his previous face.

He shook his head, trying for a deflection. “Oh, grief, guilt. You know.”

“Mm-hm,” she nodded, leaning on the table herself now to catch his eyes. “And what did that make you do? ‘Cause when I first met you, you were grieving and guilty over losing Rose and you emptied the Thames on a bunch of alien spiders and yourself. And Gramps said he saw you again and you said you were dying.”

“It wasn’t the same,” he assured her quickly. “I didn’t go looking for trouble, not any more than usual.”

He squirmed, knowing the spotlight had fully shifted onto him and she wasn’t going to let this go without a sincere answer.

“But I broke my promise to you,” he admitted. “After I lost you, after everyone left…I traveled alone. For a while. Too long probably. I just couldn’t go through losing someone again.”

Donna reached out now, extending her hand across the table. He took it gladly, a solid reminder that those days were past for the time being.

“What happened, when you were alone?” she asked softly.

He took a shaky breath as his throat constricted, the memories of Mars filling his head. “I went too far. I was at a fixed event and I thought why just save someone? Why can’t I save everyone? I was the last of the Time Lords. Who had the power, the ability to tell me no?” He glared at the table as the echo of that defiant rage replayed in his veins.

He flicked his eyes up to Donna to see if she was put off by this side of him. She hadn’t recoiled yet, her hand still squeezing his, though her expression was hard to read.

“Did you save them?” she asked.

“Not all of them. But a few. Including the woman whose death was the reason for the fixed event. Her death was what ultimately inspired her descendants to achieve humanity’s space age.” He clenched his jaw. “I broke the timeline because I didn’t want to watch that brilliant woman die.”

Donna swallowed. “Did it make things turn out better?”

He huffed a broken laugh. “No. I suppose for a few of the other people I saved—” He cringed now. The ‘little’ people. The ones he had called unimportant. That alone had betrayed Donna’s memory, the woman who always looked to the ‘little people’ that others overlooked. Oh, she would have smacked the ego out of him just for that comment. “They got to live out the rest of their lives. But Adelaide… She chose to correct the timeline herself.”

Donna’s eyes widened as she realized what he meant. Both her hands wrapped around his. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head. “I overstepped, forgot who I was supposed to be, what I’m supposed to represent. And she paid the price.”

Donna gripped his hand, getting him to meet her gaze. “You were trying to save people. You wanted to do something good.”

“I saved her life against her will,” he said, staring hard into her eyes now, willing her to understand his full meaning. “Because I was selfish.”

Her eyes searched his face for a moment as she tried to parse what he was getting at. Then he saw the realization coalesce. She closed her eyes and squeezed his hand more gently. “I’m not still mad at you for saving my life by taking my memories.”

“You should be,” he gritted painfully.

“Yeah, well, that’s my choice,” she retorted firmly, looking at him again. “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have Shaun and Rose would never have existed. And London would have burned the other day. I’ll always wish we could have had more time, that I could have been there with you, but I wouldn’t trade away the life I have here. Not for anything. And that life wouldn’t be possible without you saving me.”

He sniffed now, feeling perilously close to his own tears escaping. Her forgiveness should have been a balm on his soul, but he couldn’t accept it fully. “Maybe. But I should have listened and trusted you more.” He huffed bitterly. “And turns out you could’ve handled the problem yourself if I’d let you.”

“No.” She shook her head with a rueful smile. “Not back then. I never could have let it go. It was the first time I truly felt intelligent and important and special. It was destiny, why we were brought together. And I was finally worthy of why you had chosen me to travel with.” She held up a hand as he started to protest. “I know, it wasn’t, but I didn’t believe that back then. I couldn’t. Back then, I truly would rather have died brilliant than have gone back to life here.”

She cocked her head, musing on that. “It’s funny, for all that I could see what was and is and could be, I couldn’t see a future like this one. Being happy on Earth with a home and family, just being normal.” She looked at him thoughtfully. “I guess it was your turn to be the one to stop me.”

His throat clenched again. The thought that she had felt anything similar to how he had under the Thames that day, that perhaps that copy of his mind overrode the fundamental part of her personality that had saved his own life multiple times…

He opted to redirect with a bit of humor. “Well, for the best you aren’t too much like me, really. The universe has too many versions of me already. It needs the one and only Donna Noble.”

“Not sure it could handle more than one of me either,” she smirked, allowing the redirection.

He smiled faintly. “I’m still sorry I didn’t listen to you. That day or after.”

She nodded, sobering. “You did when it counted. You were able to let me go to save London, and my family.”

He gripped her hand tightly, squeezing his eyes shut against the memory of her dying in his arms, of having to be the one who caused it. “Never make me do that again. I can’t—”

“You won’t.” She pulled his hands closer, rubbing his forearm soothingly. “I promise. It’s over, Doctor. The Metacrisis is gone. I’m safe. So is Rose.”

She paused. “Rose…”

He sat up, concerned. Her eyes were focused distantly, a sudden new expression crossing her face. “What is it? Is she all right?”

Donna waved him down. “Yes, I just realized… She let it go.” She gave a relieved little laugh. “The Metacrisis. Rose didn’t even hesitate. She just…let go.”

He frowned, trying to follow, but then her meaning dawned on him. Rose didn’t need it. She hadn’t felt the same self-loathing insufficiency Donna had all her life, the need for something else, something extra, to make her special and worthy. She just wanted to be herself. She was happy.

The Doctor smiled now too, putting his free hand over Donna’s. “Well, she’s had a great mum.”

Donna made a small sound between a laugh and a sob, but her face was beaming despite the sheen of tears in her eyes. Relief, deep and visceral. She hadn’t repeated her own mother’s mistakes.

“I’m glad that, even if you waited too long, you had someone eventually too,” she said, pulling herself together. “Sounds like you found more people to travel with finally.”

“I did.” His expression drifted to fond remembrance, thinking of Amy, little Amelia who waited impatiently while he stumbled haphazardly through her early life. And Clara, as baffling and challenging and impossible as he was. And sweet Bill…the fam… He missed them.

“I’d love to hear more about them,” Donna said. “Not just how they died.”

His face hardened, seeing the Toymaker’s puppet show in his mind. The idea of reliving the pain of losing his friends yet again was too much to think about now. But he had to admit, he wanted Donna to know about everyone important to him that she had missed out on. “I’ll be glad to tell you. Just not all of it tonight.”

“No,” she agreed. “Not tonight.”

He looked over thoughtfully. “You know, you should take Mel up on her offer to go to those companion meetings. I think you’d like the others.”

Donna grimaced now. “Yeah, maybe. It’s just, it’d be a bit awkward, wouldn’t it? I mean, they’re all there to talk about life without you and here you’re still with me. That’s not really fair.”

“I did leave you,” the Doctor said seriously. “For fifteen years. Even if you’ve decided not to carry a grudge against me for that, you deserve to have people to talk to about it.”

Donna sighed, rubbing her thumb along the back of his hand in an idle, but anxious movement. “We’ll see,” she allowed at last. “But you should definitely go visit them. Not in a big group, but reconnect. Get some closure or a renewed friendship. You’re not alone here, you know.”

“I’m not sure how many really want to see me again. I’m not the same man I was then. Or woman.”

“Doctor.” Donna squeezed his hands.

“I’ll get in touch,” he promised. “But not just yet.”

She nodded. “Sure. We ought to get some sleep tonight anyway.” As if taking that as a cue, she extracted one of her hands to cover a yawn.

He sat up. “Right. You need the rest. You’ve got a big new job to get ready for.”

“I still can’t believe it.” She shook her head, then added dryly, “I mean, it’s no one hundred and sixty-six million pounds, but—”

The Doctor threw back his head. “I never wanted you to give away the money!” he protested, exasperated. “I’m the one who gave it to you in the first place!”

He expected her to throw a jab back at him, but she stopped, her eyes widening. “Oh my god, that was from you.”

“Yeah!” he replied.

She leaned over, nearly whispering as if someone would overhear. “You used your time machine to get us a winning lottery ticket?!”

“Least I could do, honestly.”

“Isn’t that against some sort of time traveler rule? Like cheating?”

The Doctor shrugged. “Technically, perhaps, but there was no way for me to really make up for what I did to you, so I just tried to make sure you and Shaun would have a secure future.”

Donna buried her face in her hands. “And I gave it away.”

The Doctor stopped, realizing in his desire to defend himself he was just making her feel worse. His priorities immediately shifted and he leaned forward. “Donna, it was your money to use how you wanted. Whether it was purely your own compassion or some influence of my mind’s, you helped countless people with it. That’s very much the Donna I know. And you know, I bet it just made Shaun love you even more.”

He did wonder, though, in the back of his mind. He had still been riding on his Time Lord Victorious mindset a bit at the end of that regeneration. Had he bent a rule too far by manipulating a lottery win for Donna and was her giving it away just the timeline setting itself right again? Like with Adelaide?

Before he could get lost in that train of thought, Donna rubbed her eyes and looked up at him, her expression softer now, though still emotional. “Wait, so you were at our wedding?”

“Well, I didn’t go in for the ceremony. Would’ve been impossible to explain and probably a bit of bad luck after the last time. But I saw you coming out for photos. You looked lovely,” he added.

She squeezed his hand again and this time he looked down, paying attention to her wedding and engagement rings for the first time. They were more modest than the diamond she had been given for her first engagement, but well-worn and aged with the years of marriage. He was happy she’d finally been able to have her dream successfully.

“Thank you for coming to it,” Donna said. “We missed so much time together. I’m so glad you were there for that.”

He smiled back, deciding never to tell her he had been dying of radiation poisoning at the time. No need to tarnish a happy memory. “Well, hopefully we can make up for some of that time now.”

“True.” She sat up, wiping the remaining tears from her face. “Oh, I haven’t cried this much in ages. I should be thoroughly exhausted now.”

“Here, I’ll clear up,” the Doctor said, taking their mugs and heading over to the dishwasher. “Next time you can’t sleep, I have some tea from Tynnus III that works a trick. Of course, it works best if you don’t mind sleeping for potentially an entire day or two after, especially if you add lemon. Tynnaic metabolisms work a bit differently than most humanoids since they have a triplex thyroid gland. Well, they have to with the way their solar cycle works. Maybe best you didn’t try that. But I do have a box of those biscuits you liked from Maltoria. With the spice that’s a bit like nutmeg and that cranberry sort of jam? Not the same box I had back when you were here, of course. Those’d be long stale by now—”

He turned back and froze. Donna was slumped at the table, her head resting on her arm, eyes closed.

Panic shot through him as he raced back to her side. What had he said? Was there some part of the Metacrisis left after all and he had unknowingly triggered it? Or something in the cocoa that could be toxic to humans? Some new allergy he didn’t know she had?

“Donna? Donna!” He shook her shoulder, starting to reach for her wrist to check her pulse.

She groaned and stirred, but he quickly realized it was with irritation, not pain. “Oh, Doctor, I had finally fallen asleep.”

He drew back, his hearts still pounding, but now embarrassment taking the place of terror. “Oh. Sorry.”

“I’d forgotten how relaxing it is hearing you drone on like that.”

“Right. Sorry. Of course.”

She peered up at him blearily now, her expression fading to one of pity and he wondered just what emotion he hadn’t managed to conceal now. Her free hand came up and rested on his cheek, thumb stroking gently.

“Doctor, you have to stop worrying about me so much. I’m okay now. We’re here, we’re all safe. You can rest.”

“You’re right. Just old habit.” He pulled back and straightened up, schooling himself to normalcy. “I should let you get to bed. Try to go get some sleep myself.”

Her look said she didn’t believe him. “All right.” She pushed herself up from the table and took his hand. “Come on.”

He frowned as she started to pull him out of the kitchen. “What?”

“Just come here.”

He followed as she led him through the hallways of the TARDIS with the confident familiarity of one completely at home. He was even more puzzled when she took him to the living room with its plush sofa and a fireplace that came to life as they entered.

“Right.” She gestured at one end of the sofa. “Make yourself comfortable.”

He obeyed, watching her curiously as she pulled a blanket off the back, then waited for him to settle before sitting down beside him. He jumped in surprise as she leaned back to rest against his chest, forcing him to readjust to accommodate her presence.

“There. You’re not the softest pillow in the world, but it’ll do,” she said, tucking the blanket over herself.

“Do for what?” he asked warily.

“You woke me up,” Donna said, resting her head against his shoulder and the back of the sofa. “You’re going to help me get back to sleep.”

His eyebrows rose. Oh, they were really going to test how much Shaun trusted him. “How would you like me to do that?”

“By talking. Just go on about something like you do.”

“Right. Anything in particular?”

“Since when have you needed a prompt?” She waved a tired hand. “I don’t know. The first friend you traveled with after me. Tell me about her. Not the sad parts, but what was she like?”

“Ah, Amy. Amelia Pond,” he said, approximating his voice from those days. Still a wonderful name, even as it made his hearts hurt. “Oh, you would have liked her. Stubborn, sharp, quick to tell me off when I deserved it. But eager for adventure and kind-hearted and so, so brave.”

Donna hummed. “Like the sound of her. She was ginger too, right?”

“Yes indeed. You two would’ve gotten on like a house on fire. Now Rory, I think he really would’ve liked you. Another person who wasn’t caught up in all my reputation and legend. He would’ve absolutely tried to get you to side with him and make me listen when Amy and I were getting too reckless.”

He saw the edge of her eyebrow arch. “You traveled with two people?”

“Well, Rory was Amy’s fiancé. Kind of part of the deal, since I did sort of interrupt their wedding…”

Donna turned to look at him now. “You picked up another redheaded bride on her wedding day?”

“I didn’t mean to!” he protested. “She didn’t even tell me about it until later! And it’s not like I sought her out. The TARDIS crashed in her garden ages before that!”

“Mm-hm. Well, twice can be coincidence, but if it happens again it’s a pattern.” She settled back in. “Go on.”

“Right. So it all started with a crack in her wall that wasn’t just in her wall…”

He was surprised how easy it became to talk about those days with Donna, the vice of grief in his chest loosening a bit and the stories flowing out. They even laughed a few times at the more ridiculous parts of their travels. He had to admit, it felt good to have someone he could talk to about this, even if it was just the lighter bits.

At one point, he paused for an expected reaction from Donna and realized she was silent. He looked down and saw her eyes were closed, face still, the entire weight of her head resting on his shoulder.

The deep panic started in his chest again and his breathing picked up. He was back in the Meep’s ship, Donna lifeless in his arms. No. No no no…

But he quickly realized why Donna had insisted on their current position. He could feel her breathing where her back lay against his chest. He was warmed by her body heat and when he listened closely, could even pick up the steady two-beat rhythm of her heart.

The fear receded, soothed by the proof that she was safe and alive and here. He didn’t need to worry. He could rest.

He gently kissed the top of her head, not daring to wake her again and face a far less understanding mood. “Thank you, Donna.”

He sat back, lapsing into silence and quickly discovered the other aspect of her plan. He couldn’t exactly get up now and extract himself from her sleeping form. He snorted an amused chuckle and resigned himself to get more comfortable on the sofa, stretching out his legs to a convenient ottoman nearby. He idly watched the fire for a while, hoping whenever Amy and Rory had wound up in the past, they got to have nights like this together.

He wasn’t sure when he drifted off to sleep as well, but he woke alone on the sofa with the blanket now tucked neatly around himself. He searched anxiously for a moment, but the door to the living room was open and now facing the kitchen, where he could hear relaxed conversation going on. He peered through and saw Donna and her family in the process of making breakfast and learning their way around the alien appliances. The sound of happy voices and laughter drifted across the hall, warm and soothing as the smell of fresh-brewed tea (which also accompanied it).

The TARDIS made a contented noise in his mind.

“I know,” he murmured to it, smiling softly himself. “I like when it’s like this too.”

Chapter Text

The next few days were still busy enough the Doctor could pretend nothing in his life had changed.

Donna and her family ended up staying in the TARDIS while the repair crews came to work on their house. Having the TARDIS full of life and activity always felt better than the times it was profoundly empty, even if they weren’t going anywhere. The first day, the Doctor busied himself by helping out with repairs to the house where he could as Donna oversaw the plans for how each room should be restored. If he made a few small improvements beyond the abilities of the human contractors, well, those could be a little surprise for later.

Rose was out of school as the district gave the students a few days to recover (and likely had to do their own clean-up before returning to normal as well). Since Shaun opted to take the day off to be with his wife and daughter in this freshly upended time, it turned into a nice day of familial busyness around the house followed by dinner in the TARDIS.

The Doctor could see how this routine could become a nice change, for a while.

The next day, though, Donna insisted on heading in to UNIT to get her paperwork started. She wanted to get on the payroll as soon as possible, very aware that bills wouldn’t take a holiday even if the world had nearly ended. Sylvia had offered to stay at the house and make sure the workers did what they were supposed to, and that Rose didn’t do anything she shouldn’t.

“Make sure she does at least some of her reading today once she manages to drag herself out of bed,” Donna told her mother as she got ready to go, standing at the front door with Shaun. “Aliens or no, they still have exams coming up and her English teacher doesn’t take any excuses. And you,” she pointed at the Doctor, “no taking her back to meet Jane Austen. I don’t care how persuasive she is.”

“Not a chance,” he agreed. “Jane’s a bad influence, that one, though a surprisingly impressive card shark. You just enjoy your first day! Donna Noble, UNIT scientific advisor! Who’d have thought all those years ago?” He beamed proudly.

She straightened her blazer, failing to hide her nervous energy. “Certainly not any of my science teachers in school. Hopefully I can fake it long enough Kate doesn’t regret hiring me.”

“Aw, nonsense. You’ll be brilliant. The safety of planet Earth is in good hands.” He wrapped her shoulders in a one-armed hug and kissed the top of her head.

“Excuse me.”

The Doctor pulled back quickly at Shaun’s voice, stepping away from Donna as embarrassment and concern rushed through him. He’d forgotten that new habit he’d picked up might cause some trouble or misinterpretation. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—” he stammered.

“I’m going to work too. Don’t I get a goodbye and a compliment?” Shaun asked, holding out his arms for a hug.

The Doctor’s jaw dropped, his eyes flickering to Donna, who was smirking at his flustered expression. “Right. Right! Of course! Shauny boy!” He wrapped the man in a sincere embrace, clapping him on the shoulder. “Best driver in London. You be careful out there,” he said, pulling back. “Honestly, I’m more worried about you than Donna. Aliens are one thing; day drunk Londoners are far more dangerous.”

“You’re telling me, mate.”

“I packed you some lunch and a bit of tea,” Sylvia said, handing Donna an insulated bag and thermos.

“Mum, I’m not a kid going to school,” Donna protested.

“Do you not need to eat now that you’re a fancy science whatsit, then? Or you plan on spending your first paycheck on those overpriced restaurants downtown before you’ve gotten it?”

Donna rolled her eyes, but accepted the bag. “Thank you, Mum.”

The Doctor was getting used to the bickering being a form of affection between them rather than something he should be concerned about. After fifty years, he supposed it would feel weirder for them to change their dynamic completely.

“Be polite to everyone and remember people’s titles,” Sylvia continued in an almost automatic mothering way as she helped Donna get her coat on while juggling the lunch bag. “You know how those military types are. Call one colonel a sergeant and you’d think you made a comment about his parentage. When in doubt, can’t go wrong with ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’, unless there are more gender-sensitive things they use these days. Oh, and maybe avoid the coffee, for a bit at least.”

The Doctor had been bemusedly tuning her out for the most part, but that snapped him back to attention. Bickering was one thing, but he knew that barb landed. Sylvia couldn’t know about the coffee incident with the TARDIS, but she had to know why Donna’s previous job ended.

His eyes flicked to Donna and sure enough he saw the familiar armor shutter into place behind her expression, smile twisting slightly to a tight smirk, eyes more closed off. “Right. Thanks, Mum. I remember.”

In the sudden tension of the moment, Shaun touched her arm, holding his other elbow out for her to take. “May I have the honor of dropping my beautiful wife off at her new job for her first day?” he asked with a warm smile, as if nothing had happened. The Doctor saw the protective energy behind his gesture, though.

He had to admire how quickly it worked, Donna rolling her eyes slightly, but her face softening as she accepted her husband’s arm. “Right, I’ll be home for dinner. No unexpected aliens here when we get back. And don’t let the contractors talk you into those fancy windows! I told them—”

“Don’t worry about here,” the Doctor cut off her nervous ramble. “You’ll have enough to do trying to keep Mel out of trouble.” He added a wink and mouthed ‘You’ll be fantastic.’

He waved the couple off as they headed out, keeping his smile going until the door closed. Then his expression darkened when it was just him and Sylvia standing in the hall. He shouldn’t meddle, he knew he should leave it alone, but this face hadn’t come back to not get involved in the Noble family’s business.

“Was that necessary?” he asked sharply.

“Oh, don’t start,” Sylvia said, facing away and starting to walk to the kitchen.

“Donna finally has a job that appreciates her, one worthy of her and everything she is capable of,” he continued. “She doesn’t need to be reminded of her past mistakes—”

“I know! I’m sorry! It slipped out!” Sylvia said, putting one hand over her mouth, the other on her hip.

The Doctor paused. That wasn’t the response he was expecting from the Sylvia he knew.

Looking closer now, he realized she looked genuinely upset.

“I have been trying, you know,” she continued, defensively, stopping in the entrance to the kitchen. “Ever since that day you brought her home. After what you said…I started to really notice how often she calls herself stupid or worthless. And I’ve regretted that, every day. Don’t think I didn’t.”

She rubbed her chest like it still ached over that. “No mother wants her child to feel that way. I can’t undo all those years, but I’ve tried to be better about it.” She scoffed. “Not that she believed me when I did try to be more complimentary, which I suppose is my own fault. But I have tried.”

The Doctor stood down slightly from his planned argument. “Well. Good.” He shifted awkwardly, not sure what to do instead.

Apparently Sylvia wasn’t finished, though. “I didn’t push her to be cruel, you know. I know how clever she’s always been, too much for her own good sometimes. That’s part of why it drove me mad that she never applied herself in school the way she could have, or with work. She was always convinced she’d just get by, more interested in gossiping with her mates or mooning after some boy. As if things would just work out no matter what she did. And her father, he just encouraged it the way he indulged her. Had him wrapped around her little finger from the day she was born. I had to be the one to be practical and keep the both of them in line. I suppose once Geoff was gone…” she trailed off for a moment, staring distantly at nothing in particular on the refrigerator door. “Well, a lot of things changed once he was gone,” she concluded quietly.

The Doctor listened, a bit stunned. He hadn’t realized how much Sylvia clearly needed to get out. He had a slight pang of guilt. Her husband had died and less than a year later her daughter started disappearing, traveling with a strange man. And then she’d nearly lost Donna too… He supposed it was a wonder she was as civil with him as she was.

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, not sure what else to offer.

Sylvia laughed bitterly. “And then she met you, and finally she had purpose and motivation and genuinely cared about things. I don’t know what you said to her that I never did, but apparently it worked.”

“I didn’t say anything,” the Doctor retorted, feeling a bit defensive on Donna’s behalf. “She was already like that. She told me off most of the time, and rightly so! All I did was show her the bigger universe beyond work and telly and trivial squabbles.”

“And that universe nearly destroyed her mind,” Sylvia snapped, eyes cold again. “And then she was right back where she started, but this time with a timebomb in her head. And you left us to pick up the pieces while you scarpered off to the stars again.”

“I had to leave! For her safety!” he shouted back. He stopped, making himself pace away. This face really carried its emotions closer to the surface. But as much as Sylvia needed to vent, so did he. “Do you think that’s what I wanted? That it didn’t rip my own hearts out to do that to her? Take away everything that finally made her happy? It nearly destroyed me! But the only other choice was to let her die. And I couldn’t, I just—” He choked on the thought even now, remembering watching her fade in his arms in the Meep’s ship. “If I could have done something different, anything, I would have. But at least this way she lived. And never for a day did I forget her!”

To her credit, Sylvia had heard him out, even if her face was still closed off. “Maybe so,” she allowed. “I don’t doubt you mourned and felt guilty about it all, but that’s hardly the same as having to deal with the aftermath in person, is it? We were here for those fifteen years. Do you know how terrified she was when she started to realize how much she didn’t remember? More than just missing weird space things her friends saw because she was distracted. She couldn’t remember why her first wedding ended. Or where she had been for parts of the last year. And Dad and I couldn’t tell her a thing so we had to make up stories, convince her she’d had an emotional breakdown and this was all to be expected. That she didn’t need to see a doctor or have medical tests because they had already been done and she was fine. Not that any existed that I could show her as proof. Donna thought she was going mad and I had to brush off her fears and pretend she was overreacting until she accepted it. It broke my heart to watch her just give in like that, but if we didn’t keep the story up, she would die!

“Do you know what that’s like?” Sylvia pressed, leaning toward him fiercely. “To live in absolute fear every day that you might say one wrong word without realizing it, or that she’d see something she shouldn’t, and she would drop dead. Fifteen years of utter terror that I would kill my daughter because I wasn’t thinking! Or come over and find her body because she had turned on the TV at the wrong time! How does someone live with that?”

The Doctor grimaced, flinching under the onslaught of her words. What could he say? He had left her and Wilf to carry that burden, yes, but he hadn’t had a lot of options.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, simply. “I wish I could have been there to help her. But you know why I couldn’t.”

She scoffed. “Right. And yet you had the nerve to show right up at our door the same night an alien appeared in our shed and act as if nothing was wrong. Fifteen years my father, Shaun, and I protected her and you hand her an alien screwdriver and mention having two hearts!”

The Doctor winced. He had to admit, he had fallen right back into rhythm with Donna upon returning without even realizing it and he was damned lucky it hadn’t triggered her memory enough to do harm. “I know. You’re right. But I didn’t mean to come back. I didn’t plan to ever return to Chiswick, but that doesn’t seem to matter where Donna’s involved. If it’s not her it’s Wilfred, somehow always drawing me back in here. Like this family’s got a mavitational pull. Honestly, I’m a bit amazed I managed to stay away as long as I did.”

“Fifteen years?” she huffed.

“Only by your timeline.” She looked thrown off by that, but he continued rather than elaborate. “I didn’t come back here by choice. The TARDIS is the one who landed us here and practically shoved me out on that exact street at that exact moment so that when I stepped outside, the first person I ran into was Donna. You want to get mad at someone for that, take it up with her.” He gestured to the door to the backyard.

He half expected her to accept that and go demand access to the TARDIS, but maybe the absurdity of imagining yelling at a phone box finally broke the tension. Or maybe Sylvia had just exhausted her own emotions at last. Either way, instead of arguing further, she just looked at him, weary eyes searching his own features.

She crossed her arms. “Donna said she thinks you ended up back here again because you pushed yourself to exhaustion. You certainly look it.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes slightly, but couldn’t disagree.

“She thinks your subconscious wanted to come back to her for help with whatever you’ve been through recently. Since everything’s worked out and Donna seems truly happy for the first time in far too long, I won’t begrudge you that. But if you bring trouble into her life again—”

“I won’t. I promise,” he swore, hands up as if in surrender. “If there’s even a hint of it, I’ll leave and make sure to never come this way again.”

She nodded, her stance relaxing slightly, though far from being at ease with him. He did his best to match.

“Whatever else,” she said, “I do believe you care about Donna as much as the rest of us do. And I don’t think you would ever intentionally hurt her or her family. Donna’s welcomed you back into her life and if she’s not carrying a grudge against you, then I will respect that. But I wouldn’t be doing my diligence as a mother if I didn’t ask you one thing.”

He arched an eyebrow, intrigued. “Yes?”

Sylvia straightened up imperiously. “I know Donna’s life here doesn’t compare to traveling throughout space and time, saving planets, but it’s a happy one. Shaun’s a good husband. They’re wonderful parents to Rose. They’ve built a home and they don’t deserve to have all of that upended. So I need you to answer me honestly: Are you in love with Donna?”

The Doctor actually burst into a chuckle.

Sylvia scowled. “Is it so ridiculous an idea? What, she’s good enough to take traveling with you and be ‘the most important woman in the universe’, but not to marry?”

“No, no! It’s not that!” He waved her off, only amused more by how alike she and Donna were in that moment. “I love Donna, yes,” and it amazed him how easy it was to say things like that these days. “I think she’s absolutely brilliant and one of my favorite people in the world. But it was never like that with us.”

“You’re certain?” Sylvia insisted, glaring warily.

“I’m certain. I have no intention of ruining Donna’s marriage here and even if I felt that way, Donna made it abundantly clear I wasn’t her type either. I’m not naïve; I’ve been married before, several times, and this isn’t the same thing. Donna is…”

He searched through his extensive vocabulary. Did humans at this point understand the scope of the types of love that existed yet? He knew some languages had more specific terms for some of the variety of forms that humans experienced, but twenty-first-century English felt too limited to convey the depth of what his relationship with Donna encompassed. Ultimately, he settled on a word that felt perhaps more appropriate now than it ever had before.

“Donna's family. In a way that I thought no longer existed for me.”

Sylvia nodded with something more like approval.

There was a breath, a moment of truce.

Then she asked, somewhat hesitantly, “You’re not married anymore?”

The Doctor arched an eyebrow at her with a more mischievous expression. “Sylvia Noble, why are you asking?”

She glared, though with the more familiar exasperation he recognized from Donna. And honestly, most of his companions at some point or other. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m trying to be nice.”

The Doctor sobered, acknowledging what she was really asking. “No, I suppose I’m not. I lost my first wife, and our children and grandchildren and the rest of my family, along with my whole planet in the Time War. And Rose—my Rose, though I guess technically she’s not mine anymore...” Amazing how that still made his chest ache after all this time and despite it being his choice to give her the best life he could. “Well, we never got to get that far. Though she’s in another reality with another me now. Doing well, I hope.

“And then, most recently, there was River. I actually met her while Donna and I were traveling. Oh, you would have liked her.” He found himself grinning fondly, lost in memory. “You think Donna’s stubborn and gives me a piece of her mind, you should’ve seen River. Of course, given who her parents were, that was no surprise. Fearsome, clever, and absolute trouble, but mostly to people who deserved it. She never let me get away with wallowing in self-pity.”

A fresh wave of longing crashed through him. He wished he could talk to River now. Now that he knew how alike their origins were, understood more personally what she had endured, what would he say or do differently? What would she say, as someone who could truly understand what he was going through?

“How long has it been?” Sylvia asked quietly.

The Doctor pulled himself back to the present with a sharp inhale. “Always kind of tricky to sort out, when you’re a time traveler. We were in and out of each others’ lives, off and on. Had twenty-four wonderful years together toward the end. Then she gave her life to save thousands of people, including Donna.” He saw the calculations trying to happen in Sylvia’s mind, the same he saw in everyone getting accustomed to a life involving non-linear temporality. “It’s complicated. Our timelines happened out of order, but either way…it’s been a bit.”

Sylvia nodded, locking onto that and shrugging off the harder-to-follow parts. “I’m sorry.”

He was struck again by the sincerity in her tone beneath the brusqueness. He thought of the kind man with smiling eyes he had seen at Donna’s wedding, who had cheerfully lent a strange, mad-looking bloke a pound to buy a lottery ticket without a bit of reservation. He mused that Sylvia had never remarried. Even Wilf had fallen in love again with that lovely woman, Netty, but apparently Sylvia hadn’t found someone else in all this time. He wondered if that was by choice or if she had been too preoccupied worrying about Donna’s safety to have a life of her own.

“Me too,” he said, hoping his voice conveyed as much of that as possible without actually saying it.

A moment passed, the air around them heavy, but not fraught anymore. Then Sylvia turned and began busying herself at restocking cupboards with things that had been temporarily stored in the TARDIS.

“Well, the workmen will be here shortly. I can manage them if you want to go work on something in your ship. Just make sure Rose gets up sometime before lunch.”

The Doctor blinked, mind still reeling slightly from the turn in their conversation. “Are you sure?” he asked. “Anything you want me to help with?”

“I’m sure the contractors can handle rebuilding a house on their own, unless you’re planning to sneak in any more alien technology.” She pointed to him with a ladle she had been moving to hang on its hook. “That’s right, I saw that device in the utility room. I’m assuming it’s something safe and not going to endanger Donna’s family.”

“The opposite,” he admitted. “It’s a form of gravimetric shielding, or will be once I install a sufficient power source. Once the house is finished, it’ll be the most secure structure in London, outside the TARDIS.” He nodded to the tarp covering where a wall hadn’t been replaced yet. “So this can never happen again.”

Sylvia hummed, his answer apparently deemed acceptable. “Anything I should warn the workmen about?”

“Mostly just not to run any new water pipes directly behind it. Could get messy.”

“Don’t need more of that around here.” She returned to putting utensils away. “Well, let me know if you’re joining us for lunch so I know to make enough.”

“Will do.” He was still getting used to eating at set times in a day rather than just whenever hunger or the situation led to it, but he knew sharing meals was important to humans.

As he stepped out the door to the garden, he marveled that he had just had a shouting match with Sylvia Noble that ended with him telling her about his lost loved ones instead of being slapped. He wasn’t entirely sure how that had happened. Then again, how many arguments had he had with Donna that led to one confiding something in the other? Perhaps that was just how the Noble family did things.

It wasn’t how he would have expected it, but he had a feeling Sylvia had just accepted him as part of the family.

OOO

Nothing in the TARDIS urgently needed working on, but there were plenty of aspects of the TARDIS’s inner mechanics that he had always classified as a ‘someday, if there’s time’ sort of project. Well, there was time, so best to make sure the old girl didn’t feel neglected with his newly sedentary existence.

He was under the control console, rewiring some circuits from ‘pieced together during an emergency’ to ‘advisable for continued function without unexpected fires’, when he heard footsteps coming from the portal that currently led to the living quarters.

“Hello?” Rose called, apparently not able to see him around the console.

“You overslept,” he called, finishing splicing two wires for a more logical energy flow. “It’s been fifty years. London’s run by mole people now. Hope you like tunneling.”

“Good, I don’t have to do my homework then,” she replied, taking the joke in stride.

He grinned, making sure the new arrangement still fit in its housing. “Oh, your mother won’t have that.”

“She’s, what, about a hundred now, then? I think I can outrun her.”

“I wouldn’t count on that with your mother. She’ll outlast you through pure stubbornness.” He put the panel cover back on and hopped up to make sure the controls still responded as intended. He tapped a few buttons and gently pulled a lever that had chosen yet another new location on the console with this update.

The lights around them dimmed slightly from almost intensely bright to a more comfortable tone and the TARDIS gave a quiet drone.

He smiled. “There, that feels better, eh? Sorry I didn’t get around to touching that up sooner.”

Rose was looking around at the TARDIS too. “Can you actually understand what it’s saying?”

“Not in words, as such. But we’re psychically connected, so in some ways we can read what each other’s feeling. Besides, she’s probably my oldest friend in this universe,” he added, running a hand along the console’s edge fondly. “No one knows her like I do, and same goes the other way.”

“The TARDIS is a she?” Rose asked. “Or is this just like how some guys call their cars women’s names?”

“Well, TARDISes don’t really do sexes or genders typically, not in a way humans think of,” he said, testing more of the controls, “but this one’s always expressed herself that way to me. Even took on a human body one time and chose to identify female.”

“Cool,” Rose nodded, smiling at the walls around them. “Good choice.”

The Doctor smiled, watching Rose wander on the other side of the time rotor. He still felt a bit awkward around her, especially when it was just the two of them without the buffer of Donna taking charge. They seemed to get on well, so far, but he wasn’t sure how Rose felt about the Metacrisis unintentionally interfering with her life all this time, other than her being relieved to get rid of it. But despite that she had mostly approached him with curiosity, acceptance, and good-natured humor, so he opted to let those concerns lie unless she decided to broach the topic herself.

Continuing the role of being the proxy parent in the room, he attempted an authoritative stance and said, “Your mum did tell me to make sure you did your reading today, mole people or no.”

Rose sighed, wrapping her arms around herself in what he recognized as a nervous gesture. “I will. I just have something else important I have to work on first. And I need your help.”

He frowned sternly. “I can’t take you traveling anywhere. Or anywhen.”

“I know, it’s not that. I just… You know those toys I make? I sell them online and I have a regular customer I was trying to finish an order for when the Meep arrived. And since I let go of the Metacrisis, I can’t remember different aliens to make them of anymore. Can you help me think of more species I could use?”

The Doctor perked up. “Oh, that’s easy! Of course! Come here.”

He pulled up a monitor and changed the settings from Gallifreyan to be translatable into English as Rose came to stand beside him. “The TARDIS’s databases have information on every species in the known universe—or universes, technically—past, present, and future. Go ahead, have a browse.”

Rose looked at him cautiously as he stepped back and let her use the screen. “Isn’t it dangerous for me to look up something from the future? Like it could affect the timeline, change something important?”

“I set up some safeguards, make sure you can’t access anything too spoilery.” He switched to a fake-conspiratorial whisper. “Like the weaknesses of the mole people.”

“What is it with you and mole people today?” she asked. “Is that a real thing that’ll happen?”

“I couldn’t tell you that, could I? Maybe I just like moles. Well? Go on!”

He strolled around the console as she looked at the screen, laughing slightly in amazement. “There are millions of names in here! I don’t know where to start.”

The Doctor thought as he circled. “Let’s see, you want something you can make a soft toy out of…you have a lot of fake fur… Try bubblebats. One word.”

“Bubblebats…” She typed it in and a hologram of a perfectly round creature with large eyes, purple fur, and four tiny wings appeared in the space over the console. “Okay, that can’t be real.”

“It is!”

“It already looks like a toy someone made by just sticking bits on a ball.”

“They’re from the planet Ardula 4. It’s a gas giant, no solid ground to live on so everything that lives there either flies or floats. The bubblebats produce hydrogen in their bodies and just drift around catching smaller floating creatures. Works a treat, unless they catch a literal lightning bug. Then things get a bit, well, …firey.”

“Bubblebat…” Rose made a note in a little book she pulled from her jacket pocket. “What else? And they don’t have to already look cutesy, you know. I don’t mind a challenge.”

The Doctor arched his eyebrows, feigning indignation. “Oh, all right. Why don’t you try the randomize button, then?”

Rose pressed a symbol on the screen and the hologram switched to an image of an insect-like humanoid with large mandibles and pincer hands.

“Ah, the Charrl.” The Doctor nodded approval. “Brilliant species at their peak. They’re a hive race, so they have a queen and a society made up mainly of the female princesses. Need to lay their eggs in a living host to reproduce, though, so bit complicated.”

Rose nodded, looking somewhere between impressed and disgusted. “Right. Well, we’ll add that one to the list.” She made a note, then hit the randomizer again.

An amorphous shape with growths arcing in various directions appeared. Rose recoiled slightly before frowning and peering closer at the shape, trying to make sense of it.

“What is that?” she asked.

The Doctor leaned over her shoulder, gauging the details. “Xerothynian myconoid, I think. Fungus-based. They can grow in random shapes, so they all look fairly different, but you can tell by the gills. Great decomposers, perfect for colonizing lifeless worlds and getting an ecosystem started, just a bit…squishy and hell on the sinuses when they’re sporing.” He looked over at her. “Am I allowed to say ‘hell’ around you?”

She gave him a flat look. “I’m fifteen, not five.”

He gave her a look up and down, feigning that he didn’t believe her. “All right…”

Rose rolled her eyes and focused back on the list. “You really know all of these from memory?”

“Most of them.” He shrugged, sauntering around the console again. “If we keep going we’ll probably hit some that are unusual enough I haven’t heard about them since I was in school, but live long enough and you pick up a lot from experience.”

Rose made a little impressed huff. “No wonder your brain was too much for one person to hold. Explains a lot about why you’re like that too.”

“Ha ha,” he retorted at her teasing grin.

She scrolled through the list, shaking her head. “It’s amazing how many species are out there, and here on Earth we’ve never heard of any of them!”

“Not yet, at least not in the general public, but give it time. Humanity’s on the brink of reaching out into the stars and getting to be part of that bigger universe. Just you wait. There’re forms of life humans have never even conceived of. Living energy that dances from one star to the next on solar winds. Sentient rocks that never see the surface of their own world, but have entire civilizations and cultures existing too slow for human senses to perceive. Quantum beings whose entire universe may be just one cell of a larger creature.” He leaned back on a railing, staring wistfully into the time rotor. “A million, billion worlds out there, Rose Tyler, and no two of them exactly the same.”

“Noble.”

“Hm?” He glanced over, pulled back from his reverie.

Rose was looking up at him over the monitor, her energy suddenly subdued. “Rose Noble. Not Tyler.”

Mortification washed through the Doctor’s veins like cold water. He hadn’t even noticed the slip. “Right. I’m sorry. Of course. Old habit. Sorry.”

Rose waved him off. “It’s all right.”

He didn’t know her expressions and mannerisms well enough yet to know if it actually was. He shrunk back, hands in his pockets now, an awkward tension filling the room. He tried to think of something to say to break it that wouldn’t make things worse.

“Does it make you uncomfortable that I took her name?” Rose asked.

Straight in, then. Well, he had decided he would let her choose when to talk about everything. Apparently this was the day for having much-needed conversations.

“Of course not,” he assured her, quickly and sincerely. “And I think she would be absolutely honored to know you chose it.” He swallowed nervously. “Of course, if you just picked it because of the Metacrisis’ influence and now you want to find something that’s entirely your own, I completely understand—”

“No, I like it. And it’s my name now, has been for years. It’s who I am.”

“Right. Good,” he nodded. “Not that you need my approval, I just—”

“I used to dream about her, I think,” Rose said thoughtfully.

The Doctor froze, his chest tightening.

“It’s hard to sort out what I knew from the Metacrisis and what I just imagined,” Rose continued, staring into space. “But I remember I always thought Little Red Riding Hood’s first name was Rose, because I just knew Rose and the Big Bad Wolf went together.”

His hearts stuttered, but he listened intently.

“I thought for a while maybe I got it from a kids book or a cartoon we had, but I couldn’t find any with a blonde Riding Hood named Rose. Mum and Dad didn’t know and whenever I asked Gran, she said it must have been my imagination and changed the subject. But eventually I asked Gramps and he said they had an old family friend named Rose who was blonde, so maybe I heard about her sometime.”

“Did he now?” the Doctor said, voice carefully neutral. Wilf may not have let anything slip to Donna, but he apparently had been fairly talkative with everyone else.

“He said their friend Rose had saved him and Gran one time, and when I had nightmares about monsters—or aliens, apparently—sometimes I remember a blonde woman in them and I never felt as scared with her there.”

The Doctor felt a stab of guilt that Donna’s child had been haunted by nightmares born of his own memories and experiences. It warmed his hearts, though, to think of Rose Tyler’s memory protecting the namesake she would never get to know.

“Anyway, I just really liked the name, so when I got to choose my own…” She straightened up a bit now, more in the present. “Honestly, now that I know who she really is, I’m glad I picked someone who was important to the family.”

He smiled, blinking back the mist of tears forming in his eyes. “As I said, she would be very proud to know her name’s being carried on by someone so brave and clever.”

Rose snorted, rolling her eyes. “I’m not that brave or clever.”

“Yes, you are,” he insisted. Oh, this was Donna’s daughter all right. Apparently no amount of motherly love could completely offset youthful insecurity. “You saved my life and your mother’s from the Meep ship. You saved your mother several times over, honestly.”

“That was the Metacrisis,” she deferred.

“It just gave you the knowledge. You chose to come back instead of fleeing for your life and put it to use to save our lives and protect the world from the Meep. And besides, just being yourself, you’re braver than most people I’ve ever met.”

Her face fell and she fiddled with a dial on the console, staring at it. “I wish I didn’t have to be brave and could just be.”

His hearts ached and he worried he had poked at a sore topic without thinking. “I know,” he said softly. “But you will be. You’ve done the hardest part already. It’s going to get so much better from here.”

She looked up at him. “Do you know or are you just saying that?”

“No spoilers, no, but I don’t need time travel to know that. Partly because you have a lot of people who love you and would fight for you right here. Believe me, anyone who’s on the wrong side of your mum won’t last long.”

Rose snorted.

“But more than that,” he said, catching her eyes, “you’re just starting your journey. There’s a big, exciting universe out there waiting to meet Rose Noble and you’re going to be fantastic. Because you already are. And you’re going to find so many people who appreciate that and do so many amazing things and one day, you’ll realize you barely even think about that anymore. You just are. I promise you that.”

She smiled at him, small, but genuine, and he hoped he had said enough of the right things to make up for his mistake earlier.

Rose scrolled idly again, but he could tell she wasn’t really focusing on the names streaming by. “You really were a woman in your last regeneration?”

“I was. Up until just a few days ago, actually.” Had it only been that long? His first day with this face felt like it had been nearly a week.

“And does that happen a lot for Time Lords? Switching genders throughout your life?”

“Very common,” he nodded. “Honestly, I’m a bit surprised it took me that long to finally end up as female. Like flipping a coin and getting tails every time. You start to think something might be rigged.”

“And it’s not a big deal there?” she asked.

“No, not really. Practically expected at some point,” he shrugged.

Rose sighed. “I wish we lived with your people.”

There was an odd pang in the Doctor’s chest. “Well. They were…complicated for other reasons.”

“Technically, I was born part-Time Lord,” Rose said, looking up at him again. “Do you think they would have accepted me?”

Sometimes the Doctor had a hard time seeing Donna in Rose. She took after her father more, being typically more soft-spoken and quiet. She didn’t have the sharp, quick-tempered fire that Donna so often carried. Perhaps that was what happened when you had a mother who shouted at the world instead of shouting at you.

But it was moments like this he could see that same vulnerability and doubt in Rose’s eyes that he saw when Donna let her guard down.

Ah, adolescence. That need to find where you belong in the world, especially if you’ve felt like you never really fit in where you were. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her about how pretentious and exclusionary the Time Lords could be at their worst. He had a feeling Rassilon and the whole High Council would have viewed Donna and Rose as aberrations. A freak event that resulted in illegitimate hybrid stock, not true, real Time Lords.

And the Doctor found himself thinking back to Jenny. He remembered with shame how dismissive he had been toward her at first, back when he was still so fresh off the Time War, defensive and proprietary about his people’s legacy. Well, what did any of that mean now, knowing what he did about his own hidden origins? In light of that, how was Jenny any different from any other Time Lord of Gallifrey? And what good was a legacy if it made you reject and discriminate against people you should love?

Donna had had no such reservations. She had embraced Jenny immediately as his child, befriended her, even named her. Been family to her when the Doctor held back. The Doctor wished he had listened to Donna sooner and not wasted so much of the precious little time he had with his daughter on petty arguments and grief.

Looking now at Donna’s daughter—who he had also, however inadvertently, helped name—he vowed not to make the same mistakes again.

“Rose Noble,” he said, “the Time Lords would have been lucky to have you as one of them.”

Rose beamed now and the Doctor found himself matching it. “In fact,” he added, “as the last of the Time Lords, I can declare that every Time Lord in existence thinks you’re pretty amazing.”

Rose rolled her eyes again, but fondly. “That’s like when Dad says I’m his favorite daughter.”

“Does it make it less true?” he asked.

“No, it’s just…kind of cringey.”

“Oh, well, can’t have that,” he said with mild sarcasm, resuming his stroll around the console, idly adjusting a few settings. “I know it’s hard to believe as a teenager, but when you’re older, you’re going to think how lucky you are to have embarrassingly loving parents.”

“Yeah.” Rose sighed. “Don’t tell ‘em, but I already do.”

“Your secret’s safe with me.” He mimed locking his lips.

Rose rocked on heels slightly, tapping the edge of the console. “You know, now that you’re here, Mum’s happier than I’ve ever seen her.”

He smiled. “I’m happy that she’s back in my life too.”

“She laughs more now,” Rose continued. “She was really serious most of the time before. I don’t think I’ve seen her just having fun and being silly like she has lately since I was little.”

The Doctor heard another insecurity creeping in. “Well, having financial security and a sense of purpose makes life a lot easier. Plus, with her memories back, she’s able to be her truest self again. I’m sure you get that feeling.”

“Yeah,” Rose conceded. “I just…”

“You know,” he interrupted, sensing what was coming, “when the TARDIS malfunctioned and we took an unplanned tour of space and time the other day, do you know the one thing your mother talked about the entire time? Coming home to you. I’m sure she enjoyed a bit of the adventure for old time’s sake, but she made it clear, she had no intention of going with me again. She just wanted to be back here with you and your dad, and all she asked was that I come and visit here instead of disappearing again.”

Rose looked more reassured, so he figured he had guessed her worries correctly. “Well, she got what she wanted.”

“She’s good at that.” He straightened up, drawing a deep breath to break the somewhat heavy atmosphere that had filled the control room. “Speaking of, your mother was very firm that you get your reading done today, so how about a compromise? Which Jane Austen book are you covering?”

“Sense and Sensibility.”

“Ah, a classic. I know for a fact that the TARDIS library contains several audiobook versions of that story, so what do you say we listen to it while you research alien species?”

“Deal,” Rose grinned.

“Just as long as you don’t mix up any of the information in your homework and start talking about Sontarans invading a Regency ball. Ooh, that would be a fun adaptation, though. Now! Do you want the version narrated by Emma Thompson or by David Bowie?”

She stared. “You have a recording of David Bowie reading Sense and Sensibility?”

“He owed me a favor and it helped me fall asleep on bad nights for a while.”

“Well that one, obviously!”

“Good choice! Wait till you hear how he does the voices!”

As the Doctor set up the TARDIS speakers he found himself grateful for second chances, especially if they meant he got to spend an afternoon bonding with his best friend’s daughter over chats about aliens and English literature and how he had inspired a significant amount of David Bowie’s discography. He could get used to this indeed.

Chapter Text

It was getting harder to tune out the anxiety in his head. Progress on repairing the house was moving along steadily and the Doctor had already added in the few improvements he thought he could get away with. The Nobles would be able to move back in in a few days’ time, leaving the TARDIS empty again. The TARDIS itself was in the best shape it had been in centuries; ironic now that there was nowhere they needed to go. He could find more things to tinker with, but he had a suspicion if he started fussing with things unnecessarily out of boredom, the TARDIS would get irritated enough to lock him out and force him to find other ways to entertain himself.

With distractions dwindling, the echoes of the Flux and Tecteun and the Time Lords’ deceptions whispered more and more in the back of his mind. Nightmares of planets dissolving, of Gallifrey once more in ruins, of segments of his life he didn’t remember, loomed when he allowed himself to sleep for short bits of time, the question hanging over his head ever sharper: What are you? Who are you? But he didn’t want to bother Donna or her family as their lives returned to normal, so he kept it to himself, hoping she wouldn’t think anything new of the weariness in his eyes since talking him into staying.

Normally he would race off to the next planet or time period he could get to, forever trying to outpace it all, but he had promised Donna and himself that he wouldn’t escape that way again. Now, though, even his Earthly distractions were starting to run out and he could tell he was getting antsier and more tetchy than he liked to let himself show.

It didn’t help that now that Donna was going to UNIT regularly, they were spending more time apart. He didn’t want to think he had become overly clingy since returning, but he did miss her while she was away, felt out of place in her house and useless not being allowed to help with whatever UNIT was dealing with. And, yes, he had to admit he worried about Donna too. He knew better than most how many dangers were out there and as much as he trusted Donna to handle herself and Kate not to put her in harm’s way unnecessarily, they had all been nearly helpless when the Toymaker wreaked havoc on UNIT barely more than a week ago and the Doctor couldn’t shake the feeling that there were more new dangers that might target him or Earth soon. And now he had even more people who could easily be threatened to mess with him.

The others must have noticed the Doctor’s mood too, as one morning, after finishing up their shared breakfast—at the same time they always did, 7:00am Greenwich Mean Time, so Donna and Rose could be off to work and school on time—Shaun whistled and tossed him his coat. The Doctor looked up from where he had just finished washing his dishes—something he knew most of his traveling companions would be stunned to see him doing—and saw the other man standing by the door giving him an expectant wave.

“Come on. I’ve got a long, boring morning ahead and could use the company.”

The Doctor blinked in surprise, but tossed the sponge blindly in the sink behind him and welcomed this change in routine. “You want me to go with you on your routes today?”

“Yeah!” Shaun smiled. “I figure you’ve gotta be getting stir crazy just kicking around here all day, so we thought you could hang out with me for a while, then I can drop you off at Wilf’s once he’s up and about. Let the old men have some time to catch up,” he added with a grin. “Donna’s taking him some groceries after work anyway, so she can pick you both up and we can all have dinner together. What do you think?”

The Doctor caught the ‘we thought’ in his first sentence. He definitely was concerning Donna and Shaun enough that they were thinking up ideas to entertain him.

Or just figuring out who has to baby-sit you today, the more treacherous part of his mind whispered.

He shut it out with a nod, though. “Sounds lovely. If you’re sure you don’t mind the company.”

“‘Course not!” Shaun said, in that unflappably earnest way of his. “Besides, we haven’t had a lot of time to just hang out, bloke to bloke. It’ll be fun.”

“Right. Well, then, allons-y!” The Doctor followed, pulling on his coat. As they walked out the front door, he added, “Truthfully, is this partly because I’m driving the contractors mad?”

Shaun made a noncommittal noise. “There may have been some grumbling when you started giving them advice.”

“I was just helping,” the Doctor protested. “I’ve seen bricklaying techniques from throughout history across the universe. Figured I could pass on some tips.”

“I’m sure you could. But it’s the suit, mate,” Shaun said, gesturing to his outfit. “No tradesman’s gonna want to take advice from a bloke in a suit.”

“Oh.” He’d never given his wardrobe a second thought in the past after choosing it to fit each new regeneration. Had his outfits really affected how he was perceived that much in the past or had he just become so reliant on the TARDIS’s perception filters that he took them for granted? He’d have to consider that if he was going to be here a while.

As they headed out to the cab, Shaun waved goodbye to Rose where she waited for the bus with several of the other local kids. The Doctor recognized the young boy who had greeted Rose with excited relief when she first returned, now eagerly showing her something on his phone while she politely indulged him.

The Doctor wasn’t close enough to make out what was being said, but he noticed several other teenage boys approach and the mood of the group change. Rose tensed as one the boys made some comment and the others snickered. The Doctor’s eyes narrowed, having a dark suspicion what was going on.

Fortunately, some of the other kids at the stop retorted back, dismissing the group of bullies and focusing on chatting with Rose and her friend. The Doctor stood down slightly, seeing Rose already letting it go and ignoring the boys. Good, the kids were already handling it themselves. He was pleased to see them unimpressed with the bullies’ taunts.

Still. For good measure, he paused while Shaun was distracted, subtly took out the sonic screwdriver, and remotely reformatted the bullies’ phones. He remembered how upset Ryan had been about that back when he—she—first was figuring herself out in his house. It was petty and didn’t actually fix the underlying situation, but it gave the Doctor some satisfaction for now.

“Doc, you good to go?” Shaun asked from the driver’s side door.

“Yep. All set,” he said, climbing into the passenger seat and settling in. “So, where to?”

OOO

It ended up a very pleasant morning. Business was indeed slow, but when they got a customer, Shaun entertained them both by introducing the Doctor as someone different each time. The Doctor leaned into this, playing his part in tune with Shaun’s lead. In turns, he had been a rookie driver learning the ropes, a supervisor evaluating Shaun with comedic strictness, and a reporter doing a piece on what people thought of the city’s taxi system and traffic conditions. It proved a great deal of fun and the Doctor enjoyed the easy rapport he and Shaun had together.

Over the last week, the Doctor had confirmed that Shaun was good company and found he truly enjoyed getting to chat with the man one-on-one between passengers. For one thing, Shaun shared his interest in the history of London. Having driven around it so much, he had learned a great deal about the local landmarks and buildings and was interested to hear the Doctor’s stories of how the city had changed over the centuries.

“When we met and your ID called you the Grandmistress of the Knowledge, did you ever really take the test?” Shaun asked when they had stopped for lunch.

“Never officially,” the Doctor shrugged, only half-paying attention to his sandwich as he peered out the window up the carved walls of the old church they were parked near. “Just a byproduct of being around for so much of the city’s existence.” He looked over. “Plus, as Donna would put it, ‘great big outer space brain’.”

Shaun snorted. “Well, either way, if you get bored and decide to get a job while you’re here, you’d make a good cabbie.”

Right. If he was going to stay, he would eventually have to get some form of employment. He couldn’t sponge off the Nobles forever. Ugh, he was going to have to learn how money worked, wasn’t he?

Shoving those thoughts out of his mind, he redirected the conversation instead. “How long have you been doing this job, Shaun?”

“Oh, since a little after Rose was born. I needed something that was flexible enough to let me be home to help with the baby, but brought in more money than the chip shop I was working in before. And my English degree wasn’t getting me anything, but a friend recommended driving, so…” He shrugged. “It’s done well enough and it’s not a bad job. Get to see the city, meet a lot of people. The company helps with car repairs. And plenty of time to daydream and think of story ideas in traffic. Set my own hours, go where I want, no boss over my shoulder. There’s a certain amount of freedom in that.”

The Doctor smiled, trailing a hand along the frame of his door. “I understand that.” He looked down the road thoughtfully. “You know, I had to rescue Donna from a taxi when we first met.”

“Really?” Shaun asked, brow furrowing.

“She hasn’t told you this story yet? So, she appeared in the TARDIS—long story in itself—and I was trying to get her back for her first wedding. We could barely get a cab and neither of us had money, but one did pick her up, except it was being driven by a robot that was going to take her to the queen of the Racnoss. That’s an even longer story I should probably let her tell you, but basically, if she went there she’d be in grave danger. So, I actually flew the TARDIS alongside the taxi on the motorway and she jumped over into it.”

“Get out,” Shaun exclaimed.

“It’s true!” the Doctor thought back to that harrowing venture and smiled fondly. “TARDISes really aren’t supposed to fly like that, but she made it work, as always.”

“Didn’t people flip out, seeing a phone box flying down the street in traffic?” Shaun asked.

“Possibly, but you’d be surprised how much weirdness Londoners can just shrug off, if they even notice.”

Shaun snorted. “Not wrong there. And Donna actually jumped out of a moving car?”

The Doctor noted the worry in Shaun’s expression despite the fact Donna had obviously made it through fine.

“She did, with some convincing. In her wedding dress, no less! Got up her courage and even though she didn’t think she could, jumped perfectly across and away to safety.” A sentimental tightness formed in his chest as he remembered back. “That was the first time she decided to trust me,” he mused quietly. For better or for worse.

“Well, thank you for saving her,” Shaun said, shaking off the belated worry. “Otherwise I’d never have gotten to meet her.”

“True. Funny that, her ending up marrying a cabbie years later.” Once again, no coincidences with Donna Noble. Or too many. Either way.

He looked over. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did you and Donna meet?”

The concern cleared from Shaun’s expression, replaced with fondness. “Oh, at the shop I was working in. She came in for lunch one quiet day in a furious mood, and I was like, ‘Oh-ho, this is gonna be a bad one.’ But after she placed her order, all snappy and impatient, I noticed she was actually upset, trying not to cry. I asked what was wrong and she admitted she’d just been sacked from her job up the street and was putting off having to go home. We got to talking, about how it wasn’t the first time and how she was dreading telling her mum she’d lost another one. I told her the company was a fool to let her go and this just meant there was something better out there for her. By the time her order was ready, I actually had her smiling. She thanked me and left and I figured that was that.

“Couple weeks later, I had a customer shouting at me over a mistake on her order and she started getting into the whole ‘If you can’t understand English, go back where you came from’ bit,” he said casually, as if this were a normal thing to experience in a job, “when who should be further back in line and overhear it? Donna actually jumped the line to shout at her and all but chased her out! Said she couldn’t stand people who treated others like that.” He smiled. “I don’t think anyone had ever stuck up for me like that before. Gotta admit, I was smitten from then on.”

The Doctor smiled too, pride filling his chest.

“Anyway, she became a regular and it always brightened my day when she came in. Eventually I got up the courage to ask her out, then later to marry me, and we’ve been together ever since.”

A wistful warmth filled the Doctor. A normal, Earthly romance. Blissfully, marvelously average. He was happy for her.

“Couldn’t have known her that long,” he found himself commenting. “I think you were engaged less than a year after I last saw her.” Longer than six months this time, it seemed, but still, Donna wasted no time.

Shaun laughed slightly. “Yeah, well, when you know it’s right, right? And both of us were wanting families and weren’t exactly in our twenties anymore, so why drag it out? Besides, her family had already welcomed me in and we’d been living together since we knew it was serious to help with rent. Sort of felt like a formality after that.”

The Doctor nodded. “Sylvia’s a hard one to win over, so respect to you there.”

“You’re telling me, mate. Though I think Wilf was actually the more protective one. It took a long time to feel like he accepted me. I’m not sure he considered anyone good enough for his little girl, though after he explained her situation, I could see why he was careful.”

The Doctor grunted agreement. It was a bit hard to picture good ol’ Wilf being intimidating and unwelcoming to anyone, but he did remember Wilf’s hesitancy about Shaun that last Christmas together. “Well, clearly you got there eventually. He’s actually a big softie, old Wilfred.”

“Yeah.” Shaun nodded, folding the paper from his sandwich almost absently. “Well, had a bit of a big shadow to live up to there.”

The Doctor nodded as well before he fully understood what Shaun was referring to. His already only moderate appetite faded away. Ah. This was to be a man-to-man talk indeed.

There wasn’t accusation in Shaun’s voice, but it was the first little edge of bitterness he had yet heard from the remarkably easy-going man.

“I imagine so,” he said cautiously. “At least, not from Donna, though,” he hazarded.

“No,” Shaun agreed, though he still was focused on the folded wrapper. “I mean, I’ve never doubted she loved me or that I loved her. But there were times…” He took a breath, like he was about to say something he’d never actually put a voice to before. “Even before I knew the whole story, it was obvious she was missing someone. Of course she was missing a whole part of her life, but this was more in the small things I don’t think she even noticed. Sometimes she’d use the word ‘we’ when talking about something she’d done and then couldn’t remember who she’d been referring to. Or she’d get out one too many plates for dinner, like there was supposed to be someone else there. I’ve lost track of how often I’ve seen her turn to start talking to someone or reach out like she expected someone to be next to her, and try to cover it when there was no one.”

The Doctor swallowed, his heart clenching at the image. “She shouldn’t have been able to remember, even subconsciously. I tried to block every bit of it out of her mind.” He scoffed. “Of course, even that first Christmas, she bought Wilf that book that helped me save the world. A Time Lord consciousness with Donna Noble’s willpower; I never stood a chance of keeping that down completely.” He looked back to Shaun, the grief returning. “She was looking for me? Even then?”

“She didn’t know what she was looking for. Just that she was missing someone.” Shaun sighed. “I’m not proud to say it made me jealous at first. Before I knew the truth, I thought maybe it was her first fiancé. That she still had unfinished feelings over whatever ended their first wedding, that she wished I was him.”

The Doctor huffed. “Believe me, you are far superior to him. It’s not even close.”

Shaun bobbed his head slightly. “Nice to know. But, I mean, that’s always something I worried a bit about with Donna’s missing time. What those memories would include if they came back. Something terrible enough she blocked it out? Or something so loved that the loss of it was what made her shut it out? All her dreams and nightmares of impossible things… Once Wilf explained it all, I knew I couldn’t compete with that. Even if it wasn’t romantic, what could I offer to compare to adventuring among the stars?”

“Home,” the Doctor said, almost without thinking about it. “A husband. A family. A child. Life. Things I never could.”

“Yeah,” Shaun nodded. “But I couldn’t fill that void. Not all of it. She was still missing something she couldn’t explain and I couldn’t give her answers without hurting her. Couldn’t be you.”

The Doctor fidgeted with his tie, wishing he was at the control console of the TARDIS. There was always something to fuss with there to avoid eye contact during uncomfortable conversations.

“But one day, it all clicked for me,” Shaun continued. “We were watching a documentary on TV. It was about twins and triplets who were separated as babies and reunited as adults. They said even though they were too young to remember each other existed, they always felt like something was missing in their lives. Donna made me turn it off because it was making her too sad so we switched to something funny, but from then on, I felt like I finally understood, in a way she couldn’t explain. And once I framed it like that, I made my peace with it. I still couldn’t do anything to fix it for her, but at least I got it properly instead of worrying about trying to compete with it.”

“Huh.” Well, twins was an improvement on people always assuming they were a couple. The Doctor supposed it was as good an analogy as any human context could provide. “Well, either way, I’m sorry for all the stress my presence in her life caused both her and you. I never meant to interfere with your marriage or life together. Or end up intruding on it quite as much as I have now.”

Shaun chuckled. “I know. Wilf said you were a good man and I’m glad to get to know you myself now. I won’t lie and say the last fifteen years have been sunshine and rainbows. We’ve had our fights and struggles. The lottery money was probably the worst of it. Not that I’m upset she donated it, of course. I mean, that’s incredible! And I never cared about being a millionaire or anything. But it worried me she didn’t want to keep any of it for herself even though we were struggling. Didn’t think about herself at all. You saw how distant she looked when she got in those states. She wasn’t fully herself, even if back then I didn’t realize why. I just knew she had times she wasn’t well and didn’t want her to give up everything while in an episode, then regret it later.”

“Because she didn’t know how to stop…” the Doctor murmured. After all, not knowing how to keep anything for himself was part of why he’d ended up here, wasn’t it? “I’m sorry. If I’d known the Time Lord consciousness could still affect her—”

“It’s not your fault, Doc. And like I said, we weren’t kids when we married. We can fight and get stressed about challenges and hard times and still choose to come back and face it all together. ‘Cause that’s love, isn’t it? Not just the giddy bits at the beginning, but a choice to stay together and make it work, even when it’s hard, because you want to. ‘Cause you prefer life with that person in it than one without them.”

“For better or for worse,” the Doctor said, his mind suddenly thinking again about River and their convoluted marriage.

“That’s the promise.” Shaun straightened in his seat, tucking the folded paper wrapper into his taxi’s trash bag. “And, you know? I think we did pretty all right, all things considered.”

“No question,” the Doctor agreed. “Still, if my presence here ever puts a strain on that relationship, just let me know and I’ll go—”

“Don’t you dare!” Shaun snapped, though more teasingly. “You think Donna’s been mad before, if you run off and leave her again?” Shaun whistled, laughing. “I mean, I’m sure we’ll sort out our boundaries or whatever on stuff over time, but who doesn’t?”

“That’s fair,” the Doctor allowed himself a faint smile too.

“Honest truth, though, mate?” Shaun said, looking over at him. “No matter what, I much prefer you as a housemate than a ghost.”

The Doctor’s hearts warmed, the remaining tension relaxing from his mind a bit. “So do I.”

Shaun kicked back a bit in his seat, looking around the street, the conversation apparently resolved to his satisfaction. The Doctor put his own rubbish in the bag, thinking on what they had just discussed.

“You really are a writer, aren’t you?” he commented.

Shaun grimaced a bit. “That last line too cheesy?”

“No, it was quite good. I’d be interested to read what else you’ve written.”

“Careful, get me started on that I might not stop. Got an unfinished manuscript or two I’ll put you to work on.”

“It’d be an honor! And I certainly have the time. Send ‘em on!”

“You know, that’s how I proposed to Donna?” Shaun asked. “I wrote her a poem.”

“Did you?” the Doctor grinned.

“Yeah. It was no Shakespeare, but apparently it did the trick. She still keeps it in the nightstand.” Shaun pointed. “That one’s off-limits for reading, though. It’s just for her.”

“Of course.”

There was a knock on the window that startled them both. “Oy! You back on duty yet?” an old man outside called.

“For you, Jezza, any time!” Shaun unlocked the doors and flipped his light back on. “How’ve you been, mate?”

“Eh, all right, all right,” the man said, settling in the back with a briefcase. “Got another meeting on Lombard Street. I thought everyone was big on doing these things online these days, but no, every week, gotta get everyone up to the central offices…” He looked up. “Oh, who’s this then?”

The Doctor straightened up, preparing for whatever role they were going to be this time.

“Oh, this is my brother-in-law,” Shaun said. “Doc, this is Jezza, one of my regulars.”

The Doctor barely took in the introduction, surprised by Shaun’s choice.

“I didn’t know Donna had a brother,” Jezza said, looking the Doctor over.

Oh, this one knew Shaun well enough to know his family. So maybe not a bit this time?

“Yeah, well, he’s been away traveling a lot,” Shaun explained, pulling out onto the road. “But he’s going through a rough time so he’s moved back home for a while. I just call him Doc, educated as he is.”

“Right. Well, nice to meet you, Doc. Not much of a talker, eh?”

The Doctor realized he’d been just staring silently and shook himself out of it. “Sorry. In my own head. Hi! Jezza, was it?” he grinned, extending a hand.

“To friends, yeah.” The old man shook his hand in return. “Sorry you’re having a bad go of it, lad. But stick with Shaun, there. He’s a good one.”

The Doctor glanced over at Shaun with a smile. “That he is. I’m glad to know him.”

Shaun smiled too, though he kept watching the road.

“How long are you staying?” Jezza asked.

“Oh, not sure yet,” the Doctor said. “Might depend how long Donna’ll put up with me.” But he said it wryly, not with sincere doubt.

“You listen to her too,” Jezza said, pointing at him firmly. “She’ll keep you on the right path, that one.”

The Doctor’s expression softened slightly. “She always has.”

“How is Donna doing these days?” Jezza asked, turning back to Shaun. “And Rosie? Your family make it through all that madness all right?”

“We’re good, thank you. Donna just got a new job, actually. A proper one with UNIT, no less!”

“The flashy military place with the ridiculous tower? Well, good for her! Bet she’s loving that.”

“Oh, living the dream. ‘Bout time somewhere treated her like she deserves.”

“Rose back in school yet or are they keeping the kids out for a bit?”

“She’s back. Not that she minded the break…”

As the conversation carried on, the Doctor let it wash past, still stuck on what Shaun had called him.

Brother-in-law.

All right. If that was the role Shaun wanted for them in this new arrangement, he would certainly welcome that. He found himself marveling again at the generosity with which Shaun had made room for him in their lives.

Their wonderful, complicated, normal, human lives. The Doctor realized that he had tried to cheat and hand Donna a happy ending out of his own guilt and grief, but instead she had built one of her own. Not as tidy or simple, but real and completely hers. He still felt like he was intruding on it a bit, but as long as she and Shaun didn’t see it that way, he would do his best to be a worthy part of it.

As the streets of London flowed around them, the Doctor thought back to that first day again. Donna had chosen to trust him in a taxi. Today, Shaun offered him a role in the family in his.

It was no TARDIS, but maybe the Doctor could let himself have a favorite form of terrestrial vehicle too.

Chapter Text

“That’s when we took a trip down to Cornwall shore,” Wilf said. “Sylvia complained about the drive, but everyone should get to see a proper beach in their lives.”

“It is lovely,” the Doctor agreed, looking at the photo of the younger Noble-Mott family posed in front of arching rock formations.

Shaun had dropped him off at Wilf’s in the early afternoon, once they had gotten a call that he was awake and active enough for company. The apartment Kate had set Wilf up in really was a lovely place, away from downtown London with a patch of peaceful green space around it. The Doctor could feel himself relax a bit even before going inside.

Being with Wilf had the same easy familiarity as being with Donna. Even though Wilf was showing his years more these days, he was still the same man the Doctor had known so long ago and they had quickly settled into their visits as if no time had passed.

Wilf was pleased to show him around the apartment—truly cottage-like as Rose had described it—and the Doctor let himself be led about like he was indulging an eager child. It warmed his heart to see Wilf so happy, even if he was uncomfortable with the near hero-worship in the man’s eyes after everything that had happened.

“Here we thought Donna was going to be the one complaining the whole trip, young as she was, but she loved it!” Wilf continued fondly. “She’d never seen anything like it in London and we walked all up and down that shore, collecting shells and running in the surf. When it was time to go home, she actually hid among the rocks because she wanted to stay longer! Sylvia had all the lifeguards looking for her, scared half to death.” He laughed. “That girl gave us all gray hairs from the start.”

The Doctor smiled too, looking at the child version of Donna posing with a wide grin, the missing baby teeth somehow only adding to the mischievous expression.

Somehow, today, the visit turned into a lengthy journey down memory lane through Wilf’s family photo albums. Wilf had started out determined to catch the Doctor up on everything he had missed over the last fifteen years, but, like any good grandfather, he quickly segued into showing off all kinds of photos of Sylvia, Donna, and Rose from across their lives.

The Doctor pored over the pictures with genuine interest. From the charming childhood photos of Donna to the more irritated, impatient poses she’d been immortalized in as a teenager, he soaked it all in. All the years where they hadn’t yet known each other, but unknowingly were already on trajectories to meet.

He felt a bittersweet pang at seeing Geoff in the family pictures or with infant Donna. He had only met the man briefly, barely at all during the wedding reception, but he remembered the kind man that had cheerfully lent him a pound coin for a lottery ticket.

Wilf saw the focus of his attention and sobered. “Yeah, poor lad, Geoff. I wish he was still around to see everything Donna got to do.”

“She talked about him sometimes,” the Doctor recalled, still staring at the man in the beach photo. “She adored him. And it’s obvious he adored her too.”

“Losing him was hard on her,” Wilf agreed. “On top of her first wedding and losing her job, then him getting ill… That was a difficult year.” Wilf looked up at the Doctor. “I’m thankful she was able to go with you, get away from it all for a while.”

The Doctor wasn’t sure if danger and trauma were the best escape for someone grieving, but then he wasn’t exactly one to talk.

“It was a wonderful thing you did, buying the lottery ticket with his coin,” Wilf said. “Did you ever tell her?”

“No.” The Doctor shook his head, sitting back. “She’s carrying enough guilt about giving away the money already. Telling her just felt like it would make things worse.”

Wilf nodded. “Yeah, probably so. Shame, that. It’d mean the world to her.”

“Yeah, well. Maybe one day.”

Cocking his head, the Doctor looked back at the picture and another figure in it caught his attention. “Here, is that…?” He pointed to a woman at Wilf’s side, leaning into his one-armed embrace.

Wilf smiled sadly now. “Aye, that’s my Eileen. She was something, wasn’t she?”

“She was.” The Doctor peered closer, trying to make out more detail in the grainy, aged photograph. “Sylvia takes after her.”

“She does. And Donna. Same strong personality, all of them. Ah, you would have loved her, Doctor. She had no patience for any kind of unfairness, even at a time women weren’t supposed to be outspoken. She wasn’t a soft person, but she loved the girls and spoiled them best she could, even when money was tight.”

The Doctor smiled. “I can imagine. They’ve carried on that legacy.”

“That they have.” His expression sobered. “I truly regret that Rose never got to meet her.”

He trailed his fingers over the faded picture, his face crumpling a bit. “I lost Eileen too young. Sylvia lost her Geoff the same. I hate to even say it, but there were times I feared the Metacrisis thingy was going to do the same thing to Donna…”

“It didn’t,” the Doctor said firmly, squeezing Wilf’s arm and trying to look him in the eye. “You protected her, all that time. She’s still here, strong as she ever was.”

He hadn’t told any of them that Donna technically died, however briefly, in the Meep’s ship and he had no intention of ever letting Wilf know that detail if he had any say in it.

“I know.” Wilf wiped a tear from one eye. “After all that time, it’s still hard to believe sometimes that she’s really back to herself. That she’s safe now. It takes some getting used to.”

He huffed a slight wet laugh and the Doctor grunted agreement.

“But then Sylvia and I have worried for her since before she was born,” Wilf continued, flipping back to look at a picture of Geoff and Sylvia with Donna as a baby. “People didn’t talk about things like this back then, but I knew the two of them wanted several children and life didn’t work out that way for them. When they finally did have Donna, Sylvia was a nervous wreck something would go wrong. Didn’t help that she had to go out of town right at the end and Donna was born while they were away.”

The Doctor frowned. “She was?”

“Yeah. In Southampton. They were visiting a friend who refused to make the trip out to London despite Sylvia’s condition. And, of course, Donna picked that weekend to make her arrival. Sylvia never let her live that down.”

“Huh.” The Doctor made a mental note to check if anything odd had been going on in London the day Donna was born. Maybe it was nothing, but given how much Dalek Caan influenced their lives to make sure they would meet, who knew?

“Then with getting in trouble at school and struggling with work, her first wedding, her traveling, losing her memory, getting married again, having her own baby, then Rose deciding who she was… I don’t think Sylvia ever stopped worrying really.”

“No, I doubt it,” the Doctor said softly. “I’m not sure any parent truly does.”

Wilf chuckled agreement. Then he seemed to shake off the melancholy. “Here, listen to me going on when everything’s good now! Enough of that! Let’s look at something happy, eh?”

He flipped forward some pages and settled on one. “That’s better. I have more pictures of Rose as a kid, but I’m not sure how she feels about the ones from before she was herself. Still, babies just look like babies, right?”

The Doctor leaned over and beamed as he saw the spread of printed out photos absolutely covering the page in the album. Baby Rose was all smiles and curious wide-eyed looks. His heart melted anew and he tried to connect them with the mischievous young woman he knew now.

Through it all, he kept coming back to one picture in the corner, warmth filling his chest each time he looked at it. It had to be from the day Rose was born, probably the first picture taken after to send to the family. Donna was still in a hospital bed, looking flushed and exhausted, but radiating happiness. Shaun was leaning over her, both of them completely enraptured with the baby swaddled in Donna’s arms. It made his hearts glow and ache at the same time.

“I’m glad she got to be a mother,” he said. “I know that was something she really wanted.”

“Ever since she was a kid,” Wilf agreed. “Some people might not believe it if they didn’t get to know her, but Donna always did tend to look out for others. I think she was lonely a lot. I know she had a lot of friends, but she always seemed like she wanted a bigger family. To surround herself with people. I think she and Shaun would’ve had a bunch of kids if they could have afforded it.” He huffed a laugh. “As soon as she found out Shaun’s parents were gone, she started bringing him to family dinner even though they’d barely been dating a month!”

“She was like that when we were traveling too,” he said, remembering her inviting him to Christmas dinner with the family after their first tumultuous day. “She welcomed everyone from my past like she had known them forever. Everywhere we went she cared about the people there.” He arched an eyebrow. “Always had one eye out for a husband too.”

Wilf chuckled. “That’s Donna, all right. But I think she most wanted someone to be special to. And build a life with. Like she had with you.”

The Doctor sat back a bit, a cautious distance forming as casual dismissal. “Nah, she was still looking even when we were together. She wanted family.”

“Well, good thing she ended up with both now, hm?” Wilf smiled.

Before the Doctor could respond, they heard a knock followed by the sound of keys fumbling in the lock of the front door.

“Oop! That’ll be Donna now,” Wilf said.

The Doctor sprang to his feet, hurrying to meet her.

She had managed to get the door open by the time he got there, maneuvering in with an armload of grocery bags. “Wahey, Gramps, Doctor!”

“In the dining room, love!” Wilf called.

“Here, let me take some of that,” the Doctor said, extracting the heavier-looking bag from Donna’s arms. A bit of emotion swirled through him at the memory of lifting boxes off a stack and seeing her face again for the first time in many years.

This time, though, when she was able to see him over the remaining bag, she grinned brightly at him with fond acknowledgment and he thanked the universe again for allowing her her memories back.

“Ah, thank you. Did you boys have a good day together?” she asked, continuing through to the dining room to give Wilf a hug with her free arm.

“We did.” Wilf hugged her back. “Just going through the albums, showing the Doctor some pictures from the old days.”

Donna grimaced. “Tell me you skipped the secondary school years.”

“Why? You were adorable, with your uniform and everything,” he protested.

“Ugh, if I’d known you were showing him that, I might have put back the Maltesers I got you. Just put that on the counter,” she gestured the Doctor to the empty space near the sink.

“You wouldn’t.” Wilf frowned.

Donna smiled fondly, setting her own bag down. “Don’t worry, I snuck a few in there. Mum only wanted me to get you the healthy stuff from the recommended list, but I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Wilf took her hand as she came back into the dining room. “You’re a kind soul, my girl.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She leaned over his shoulder, looking at the pictures spread across the table. “I hope you weren’t boring the Doctor too much with all of this.”

“Not at all,” the Doctor said, returning to his seat beside Wilf. “It’s been really nice getting to see some of what I missed all these years.”

Donna’s teasing mood turned bittersweet. “Yeah. There’s a lot to catch up on.” Her eyes lit on the page they had been looking at and her face softened. “Oh, is that Rosie’s first birthday? I remember that cake!”

Wilf laughed. “Yeah, had to get a picture fast. She destroyed it pretty quickly after that. Got a picture of that too,” he added, turning the page to show one of baby Rose covered in frosting.

The Doctor grinned bittersweetly as they laughed. “I wish I could have been there for her childhood.”

“Careful what you wish for,” Donna warned. “We would’ve been glad to have an extra person to take nappy duty and midnight feedings.”

He looked at the picture of Donna holding newborn Rose, thinking how he honestly wouldn’t have minded that. Would have been honored to help. Even enjoyed getting to entertain his best friend’s baby, tell her stories, run around the garden playing as she got older. Just as he had with his own…

The wistful thoughts must have showed in his face because Donna put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “You’re here now. Just in time to help us with the angsty teenage years.”

“And if she’s anything like her mother, you’ll have your hands full these next few years,” Wilf teased, making Donna roll her eyes.

“I don’t doubt it,” the Doctor smiled, then grimaced. “And if she still has anything from the Metacrisis, that may go double, given what I was like as a schoolboy. Sorry for that.”

Donna winced. “I didn’t even think about that. Great. You’re definitely picking her up if she steals the car. Or the TARDIS.”

He hadn’t thought that far ahead. But Rose had given up the Metacrisis. She couldn’t remember how to pilot a TARDIS. Could she? Just to be sure, the Doctor decided he should probably biolock the controls and make sure the TARDIS knew not to take any other potential young thieves joyriding through space and time.

“You know,” Donna said thoughtfully, tapping her finger where it still rested on his shoulder, “technically, you were here once when Rose was a baby, even if none of us knew it yet.”

He looked up, sharply pulled out of his worries. “Really? When?”

Donna flicked a glance at Wilf, looking slightly embarrassed. “Well, I didn’t know it at the time, but I was already pregnant when Shaun and I got married.” She pointed a quick finger at him. “Which is not why we got married! Neither of us even knew then.”

It was odd how much that made a sentimental warmth bloom in his hearts. “You were?” He flipped back to the wedding photos, looking at them as if anew.

“I mean, it was really early,” Donna continued. “No one could tell yet. I didn’t even know for another month or so after. Thought I caught something on the honeymoon until it didn’t go away and we figured I should probably take the test.”

He looked up at her, marveling. “So the last time I saw you…”

“Rose already existed,” she finished for him.

His chest felt like it was filled with light. Coincidences. Parallels. As he had been dying, Donna was creating new life. One song ending, another beginning… His vision blurred slightly as he got a bit teary.

Donna, however, didn’t notice, her expression darkening. “Of course, would have been nice to know before I gave away the money, but the past is the past.”

“Everything worked out fine, sweetheart,” Wilf assured her, squeezing her hand again. “No need to fuss about that.”

“I know, but…”

But the Doctor’s attention had become distracted by a concerning thought. He did calculations in his head, trying to remember human gestational periods. “Donna, how far along were you at the wedding?”

She blinked, surprised out of her own regrets. “What? I’m not sure exactly. Why?”

“The wedding was in the spring,” he muttered. “Which month was that? How much earlier would Rose have been conceived?”

“I beg your pardon?” Donna snapped.

“Hey now!” Wilf scolded. “That’s not a proper kind of question to ask a woman.”

“To ask anyone! I know we shared a mind, but some topics are off-limits, sunshine,” Donna agreed.

The Doctor shook his head, scrubbing his face frustratedly. “I’m not talking about that! I just—Was it after that Christmas?”

Wilf’s warning expression changed, eyes widening. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Donna looked between them. “Oh what? What is it?”

“Donna, please,” the Doctor begged, anxiety making him jittery. “I’m not trying to pry about your private life, but this is important.”

She stared at him, baffled and concerned, but finally relented. “The wedding was in May. At most I could have been about two months along. More likely one.”

He closed his eyes, breathing out in relief. “So you couldn’t have been pregnant over Christmas.”

“No.” She had frozen now too, indignation replaced with fear. “Why? What happened that Christmas?”

“That was the Christmas you fainted in the road outside,” Wilf said cautiously, but the Doctor knew they didn’t need to hedge around things anymore.

“The Master tried to take over the world again,” he explained. “He used a machine to change the DNA of every human on Earth into a copy of him. Except you, because you weren’t fully human. Probably still aren’t. So you saw everyone change and it triggered the defense mechanism I left in your mind to protect you: a flare of Artron energy that knocked out the Master clones that were attacking you and made you sleep through the rest.”

“Shaun and Mum turned into the Master,” Donna murmured, eyes tracking through internal thoughts. “I remember that now. I called Gramps, though. He answered. He wasn’t changed.”

“Yeah, he was with me.”

“We hid in a booth that blocked the wave thing that changed everything else,” Wilf explained.

“But that’s a long story itself,” the Doctor said casually, not really up to reliving that whole day right then. “I just wanted to make sure. I know Rose is here and fine now, I just…If anything had happened to her because of that…”

Donna sat down beside him, putting her hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eye. “Rose is safe. So am I. And Gramps. Whatever you did—and I expect to hear all about it later—you saved us. Don’t invent worry over things that didn’t happen.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, pushing away the retroactive protectiveness he felt. “Fair enough.”

She nodded definitively. “Now, come on. Help me put these groceries away. Some of them have been out of the freezer too long as it is. You okay here, Gramps?”

“Just fine, sweetheart. Thank you.”

The Doctor shook off the lingering anxiety and followed her. He was learning that when he didn’t have something to tinker with or a problem to solve, it did help to immerse himself in everyday tasks, like putting food in what humans considered its proper places.

“Did you and Grandad have fun today?” Donna asked as she handed him packages and boxes to put in the cupboard.

“It was lovely. Always a joy to get time with Wilfred Mott.”

“I hope he didn’t bore you too much with all those photos.”

“Not at all! It was nice getting to actually see some of the things I missed around here.”

“Yeah.” Donna sounded a bit wistful. “Shame I didn’t get to keep any of the ones I took when we were traveling together.”

“Right.” He remembered having the TARDIS delete anything incriminating off her phone before taking her home. “Sorry about that.”

“No other option, really,” she allowed, putting fruit in the bowl on the counter. “Couldn’t be flipping through looking for photos of a night out with the girls and stumble across one of us in Pompeii.”

He grinned as a thought struck him. “Speaking of, when you got my updated memories, did you recognize the face I had before being a woman?”

Donna frowned. “I didn’t have very long to dig into all that. Sort of poofy hair, impressive eyebrows?”

“Mm-hm.” He rocked on his heels a bit, enjoying the reveal. “But moreover, it was Caecilius’s face. Remember him? The dad from Pompeii?”

Donna gasped. “No!”

“Yeah!”

“Is that where all the faces come from? People you’ve met?”

“Not usually. But that time it was intentional, apparently.” He sobered a bit, fiddling with the boxes he was arranging neatly on a shelf. “I lost myself a bit, in that next regeneration after being with you. So much happened and I got…dangerous, sometimes, I suppose. Callous, maybe? That face came back to remind me of my promise. That even if I can’t save everyone, it’s still my job to save at least someone.”

He glanced over at her with a slightly rueful smile. “How about that? A thousand years later, your memory was still keeping me on track.”

Donna froze, the apple she was holding dropping to the floor with a thud.

“Donna?” Fear surged through the Doctor. What had he done? Had he triggered some residual part of the Metacrisis again?

“Everything all right?” Wilf called worriedly.

“Fine, Gramps. Just dropped an apple,” Donna called back in a deceptively normal tone even as she continued staring at the Doctor intensely. “What did you say?” she hissed to him, below Wilf’s hearing.

The Doctor replayed their conversation in his head, bewildered. What was it? He knew the grand gestures that typically awed and flattered most people he traveled with tended to scare Donna instead. Was that it?

“That you inspired me long after we were apart?” he ventured.

“A thousand years?” she demanded.

“Ohhh.” He relaxed slightly. “You missed that bit from the Metacrisis.”

“I mean, I could tell it was too much for just fifteen years, even at your mileage, but a thousand?! You were only nine hundred-something when I met you!” She stepped closer, eyes still searching his intently. “Doctor, how long has it been for you since we parted? And don’t say ‘too long’,” she added quickly, jabbing a finger at him. “I want a number.”

He drew a long breath and sighed. “It’s complicated.”

“’Complicated’ isn’t a number!”

“Technically, in some species that don’t use discrete numerals—” He recognized the expression and body language that preceded a slap and shut himself up. He blew out a breath, thinking. “It is complicated, though. Some parts were fairly straightforward, like when we were traveling. Other times…you lose track, a bit. I do know I spent about nine hundred years on a planet called Trenzalore preventing the Time Lords from returning and restarting a universal Time War.”

“Nine hundred years?” Donna breathed.

“Yeah, well, the Daleks weren’t ever going to give up and I thought I was on my last regeneration anyway. Why not stay and devote myself to protecting that world?” He stared at the box of pasta in his hands though his mind was seeing far, far away. “It’s funny, I spent so much time running from war after I thought it ended, just to wind up spending half of my life fighting to stop it again.” He gave a laugh as humorless as that thought was.

Donna was watching him, eyes sad, but seemed afraid to break the moment and make him stop talking. “But that wasn’t your last regeneration,” she stated, prompting.

“No.” He blinked, a fond, sad smile crossing his face. “Clara—Have I told you about Clara yet?”

Donna shook her head. “The Toymaker mentioned her. She was the one with the bird, right?”

The Doctor laughed bitterly. Oh, Clara would hate that, going from The Impossible Girl to being The One With the Bird. Damn the Toymaker for reducing his amazing friends to just their endings.

“I’ll have to fix that. She was far more than that. You’d have loved her. Clara, the unstoppable Clara Oswald, actually shouted at the Time Lords until they granted me more regenerations.”

Donna grinned despite her concern. “Like her already.”

“I’m here now because she did that,” he mused. Though his smile flickered as doubt crept through him. How many forgotten regenerations had he had before the Division wiped his memory? Had he ever really been limited to twelve, or was that just one of the lies the Time Lords told him? Did that only apply to them since they had copied the ability to regenerate from him in the first place? And if so, what had they actually done that day on Trenzalore when they ‘gifted’ him another cycle?

“But that was just your first face after leaving,” Donna pressed. “You had two more after that.”

He pulled himself back to the present. “Right. Those were a few more centuries, I think, here and there. So I’m most likely somewhere in the two thousands,” he concluded, thinking. “Ish. Maybe? Depends on if you count the confession dial, I suppose.”

“What’s that?” Donna asked.

He winced. He really hadn’t intended to mention that. “An even longer story.”

“Shorten it.”

He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “It’s a Gallifreyan device. It’s supposed to help dying Time Lords confront their fears and make peace before death. But the Time Lords trapped me in one to interrogate me for information I couldn’t give them. I refused to reveal what they wanted, so I was stuck in a time loop there until I finally broke myself out.”

Donna swallowed, but her expression stayed relatively neutral. “How long did that take?”

He hesitated, but knew she wouldn’t let him pass off a lie. “Apparently more than four billion years.”

Donna staggered slightly, hand going to her mouth.

“But it was a repeating time loop,” he said quickly, trying to reassure her. “It doesn’t really count.”

“But you remember it, don’t you?” she snapped back. “You feel time! Of course, you would still remember all of it!”

He didn’t deny it.

“Four billion—” she gasped again before pacing a step away in the small kitchen.

“It wasn’t that bad,” he lied automatically.

“You said it was to interrogate you?” she asked, collecting herself and turning back. “Like torture?”

“Very much like it,” was all he would admit.

“What was so important you went through that for four billion years to hide it?” she demanded.

“Clara.”

Donna stopped, her expression immediately understanding. She nodded, quiet for a moment.

“The Toymaker still mentioned her,” she said at last. “Were you able to—”

“Close enough,” he said simply, turning back to straighten the boxes in the cupboard. Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk about Clara yet.

Donna sighed, but accepted his answer. She returned to placing fruit into the bowl and he thought maybe his chilled response had ended the conversation for now, but then she shook her head and said again, “Four billion years! How do you even remember people like us?”

He stopped, turning now to give her a sincere smile. After all this time, did she really still not know? “You’re what make it all worth remembering.”

She gave him a look, believing him, but not that easily flattered. “Seriously, though! You knew me, what, less than two years? This tiny blip in your ridiculously long life! And over four billion years later, you still thought of me to come back to?”

He leaned forward, giving her a more teasing expression now. “Any crazier than knowing a man for a day and spending a year trying to find him again?”

She snorted. “It was a pretty memorable day.”

He kept looking at her steadily. “As I said.”

She rolled her eyes slightly, but didn’t dispute the implied compliment so he took that as a win.

Then she stepped forward, reaching out to hold his arms and look him in the eye herself. “Just please tell me you didn’t remember me just to torture yourself with guilt.”

“Of course not!” he protested, pushing aside the memories of the times he had done exactly that.

“Good,” she said firmly. “Because if we hadn’t gotten this second chance, that’s not how I would want to be remembered. And I doubt any of the others would either.”

“It’s not,” he assured her, rubbing her arms in return. “I promise, I remember the good times too, for all of you. And they did help me through some of the harder periods.”

“I should hope so.” She huffed as she stepped back, but still looked troubled. “Four billion years…” she muttered again.

“Yes, that many,” the Doctor agreed, bemused.

“It’s just…” She emptied the last of the groceries into the fridge, then hesitated, her hand on the door, avoiding his eyes. “All that time later, you wanted to come back and find me. But were you remembering the real me, or some nostalgic version of me you built up in your head?”

The Doctor paused. Was it possible his guilt and grief for her had enhanced his emotional idealization of her memory? Put her on a bit of a pedestal in his mind? Of course. But that wasn’t what she needed to hear now, nor was it the whole truth.

He leaned back on the counter, looking exaggeratedly thoughtful. “I don’t know. I remember boxes and luggage left all over the TARDIS, plenty of shouting, never putting the biscuits back in the kitchen despite me having to go looking for them every time—”

“All right, you!” Donna said, swatting his arm.

“And the hitting!” he protested. “I definitely remember the hitting!”

“Honestly, you got older, but haven’t grown up, have you?” she retorted, picking up a box of sweets off the counter.

“I should hope not. That’s rather the point,” he replied indignantly.

As she started for the kitchen door, though, he caught her hand, making her stop, and looked at her sincerely. “Donna, your memories saved me so many times. I held onto all of them, good and bad, even more than I do with most people I know. And I protected them all because I knew you couldn’t. And they deserved to never be forgotten.”

She stared back for a moment, emotion welling behind her eyes, before the mask went back up and she pulled her hand free without malice. “All right, you softie. That’s not getting you out of trouble for the shouting comment. Gramps!” she shouted as she walked out. “I got you the milk chocolate ones. You like those more than the dark, right?”

The Doctor smiled to himself as he followed her back out to the dining room.

“They’re perfect! Thanks, sweetheart,” Wilf said, happily taking the box as they rejoined him at the table.

“I stashed the other box in the Wheatabix in case Mum comes over,” Donna said, leaning on the back of the chair beside him. “But if you want to sneak some now, we can hide the evidence before going back.”

Wilf squeezed her hand. “You’re an angel, love. Didn’t I tell you?” he said to the Doctor. “Always taking care of everyone.”

Donna rolled her eyes. “Just don’t ruin your dinner. It’s going to be good. Oh!” She stood up, turning to the Doctor. “I invited Mel to join us tonight. I hope that’s all right.”

“Of course she’s welcome! I love Mel!” the Doctor said instantly, perking up a bit at the chance to see her again. Even if he felt a slight twinge of nerves at interacting with someone from his past in such a domestic way. Planet-threatening crises he knew how to act in, but he hadn’t just shared dinner with Mel in literal ages.

“I figured you wouldn’t mind.” Donna smiled as she busied herself getting her purse and keys sorted out to go. “We were talking at work today and she mentioned how she doesn’t have any family left here on Earth. How sad is that! I can’t imagine coming back after everything and all of you were gone. So I said, ‘Right, none of that. If you’re the Doctor’s family, you’re my family,’ and invited her over.”

Wilf nudged the Doctor with a ‘what’d I tell you?’ expression. The Doctor nodded back. Some things never changed.

“I wouldn’t have expected anything else,” he said proudly.

OOO

On the ride back in Donna’s car, the Doctor thought of an idea. Fortunately, it was easy enough once they returned to excuse himself to the TARDIS for a bit. As much as he had said he was happy to help in the kitchen, he was always shooed out when food was being prepared, so no one minded him making himself scarce as long as he promised not to lose track of time.

He still did and Rose had to come out and remind him that dinner was ready, but he had accomplished his mission by then.

“What are those?” Rose asked about the papers he was concealing in his hand as they walked back to the house.

“You’ll see,” he said, holding them out of her reach. “It’s a surprise.”

“Right, spoilers, hm?” Rose nodded, giving him a sideways look as they entered.

It warmed the Doctor’s hearts to hear River’s frequent scold being carried on by the next generation. He thought she would enjoy that.

There was a hubbub of greetings and setting out of food and hugs from Mel before eventually they all began settling into their seats around the table. And it was quite lovely. Mel fit into the family with ease and, as usual, Donna got on with his previous Companion without jealousy, instead turning half the conversation into fond mockery of him, which he could indulge gracefully these days.

The Doctor kept the papers in his pocket until they had finished eating, despite the impatient looks Rose kept sending him.

As the plates were cleared and contented conversation set in, Rose apparently couldn’t resist any longer.

“Well?” she asked. “What’s the secret surprise you brought in?”

The others looked at him curiously.

The Doctor reached into his pocket, feigning that he had forgotten. “Ah, right! Well, Wilfred and I were looking at photo albums today and Donna mentioned regretting not having any pictures from our travels. So, I played a hunch and sure enough…” He pulled out the stack of printed photos. “The TARDIS kept a back-up of your phone.”

Donna’s eyes widened as she nearly snatched the pictures from his hand. “What? Really?”

“I didn’t go through the whole thing; that’s your business whenever you’re ready. But I had the TARDIS print a few of her favorites for you.”

The others leaned over eagerly as Donna flipped through the photographs, one hand going to her mouth. “I can’t believe it. Look! It’s the way the TARDIS looked when I was there! And you in your old suit!”

“You went to Rome?” Rose asked, taking one of the pictures as they started being passed around.

“Pompeii,” the Doctor grimaced. “And, yes, we saw the eruption, but that’s not a story for now.”

“As long as you didn’t cause it, I suppose,” Sylvia said, an offhand joke, but it made the Doctor and Donna pause uncomfortably.

“Right, moving on,” Donna said. “Oh! Shaun, this is from when we met Agatha Christie!” She turned a picture to show him.

“Aw, love the outfit! You’re one keen dame,” he said, putting on a period accent. Apparently, all humans were just that way. “Did you get any pictures with her?”

“No,” she sighed. “Couldn’t really break out a mobile in the middle of a murder mystery in the 1920s. Shame, though.”

“Oh, there’s Martha!” Mel said, smiling at one of them posing at Donna’s request after the ATMOS situation cleared up. “She’s going to be so excited to see you two again.”

“Here, Gramps, this snowy place is actually on an alien planet!” Donna said, passing Wilf a picture from the Oodsphere.

“Blimey! A picture of a real alien planet!” He held the picture reverently. “It’s like those ones coming back from the Mars rover!”

“We’ll have to find some of the ones with Ood in them. That’s something you won’t see on Mars,” the Doctor said.

“What aliens can you see on Mars?” Rose asked coyly.

“None you need to worry about, young lady,” Donna intervened before the Doctor could try to dissuade her from asking for a trip again. Donna was looking at a picture of the two of them in the console room from right after he agreed to bring her with him. “I’ve gotta say, I appreciate you playing fair. At least when your face came back it aged to keep up with me. Not sure how I would feel having you around looking like a thirty-year-old while I look like this.”

The Doctor frowned. “You don’t look any different to me.”

She laughed, giving him a grin. “You really have been married since we parted, haven’t you? River taught you well.”

He cocked his head, surprised. “Did you remember that from the Metacrisis?”

“No, but I don’t exactly need a Time Lord brain to put that together,” Donna scoffed. “I saw how she talked to you back in the Library. She wasn’t fooling anyone. I’m glad. It’s obvious she was good for you.”

“Is it?” he asked, amused.

“Yeah.” She looked over, more serious, but still smiling. “Because she knew what happened to me. Which means she got you to talk about your past. So respect to her.”

He was slightly taken aback by that, but covered it by continuing to his second distraction. “I suppose both of you were, because since Wilf showed me pictures of everything I missed here—and you should know more than just how they died—I brought some pictures of the ones I’ve traveled with since leaving.”

He casually tossed the pictures of his most recent companions across the surface of the table, letting everyone lean in to explore them.

To keep himself slightly distanced from the situation, he leaned back with his arms crossed and said, “Here’s a game: See if you can guess which one’s me in each one.”

“Bowtie,” Shaun said immediately.

“All right, that one’s pretty obvious.”

“Funeral home director,” Sylvia said.

“Funeral—? I liked that suit!” he protested.

“Is this you in the braces?” Rose asked, picking up one of hi—her—with the Fam.

“And that makes three.” He felt slightly put out. “Huh. Thought that’d be harder.”

“No.” “Not really,” they chorused.

“My god, I swear your hair gets bigger every time!” Donna marveled.

“You should have seen it when I first met him,” Mel said.

“In all interest of fairness, I dug deep into the TARDIS’s databanks and found some images from those days too,” the Doctor said, handing a few printouts directly to her.

Her face lit up with an emotional smile, taking the pictures tenderly. “Oh, there you are.”

The others leaned over and there was a universal reaction of something nearing alarm and laughter.

“No way!” Donna cackled.

“Oh hush, it was the eighties,” Mel retorted.

“I remember the eighties,” Sylvia said, giving the picture a skeptical look. “I don’t remember clowns being in style.”

“I wasn’t a clown. What’s wrong with clowns, anyway?” the Doctor asked defensively.

“Did you have a sonic whoopie cushion and psychic red nose?” Donna asked, having decidedly too much fun.

“Be nice, love,” Wilf said, reaching for the picture. “How bad can it be? Oh.” He arched his eyebrows, searching for a polite term. “It’s very…bold.”

“I think the coat’s fun,” Rose said.

“Thank you, Rose,” the Doctor said pointedly.

“Did you make it yourself?”

He frowned. “I’m not honestly sure where I got it. Sometimes I think things just appear in the TARDIS’s wardrobe.”

Rose’s eyes lit up. “The TARDIS has a wardrobe?”

He grinned. “Oh yes. Nearly endless.”

Rose set the pictures down. “I know what I’m doing tomorrow.”

“Gotta hand it to you, Doc,” Shaun said, spreading the pictures out on the table as they reached him. “You don’t shy away from experimenting with fashion.”

“Thank you, Shaun.” He gave the more critical side of the table another meaningful look.

“So why have you just worn the same thing ever since you got here if you’ve got so many choices?”

The Doctor frowned. “I don’t know. I change bodies often enough. When I find something that works with one, I tend to stick with it.”

Shaun made an accepting noise, but it was unconvinced enough that the Doctor found himself second-guessing his reasoning.

“All right, enough picking on the Doctor, for now,” Donna said, laying her share of the photos out on the table as well. “So, let’s see, fellow red-head, so this must be Amy, right?” she pointed.

The Doctor swallowed, the good-natured banter fading away to the part of the conversation he had been fearing. But he owed it to all of the people in those pictures to be able to confront the memories and talk about them.

“Yes. Amy and her husband Rory. The Ponds,” he said in a bit of his inflection from that incarnation. “Endlessly brave and more patient than I deserved, most of the time.”

“And which one is Clara?”

The freshness of those recently stirred up memories ached anew, but he pulled over the picture of her in the TARDIS’s console room of the time. “Clara Oswald. Teacher, time and space traveler, and one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met, which, as you know, is saying something.”

Donna nodded at the picture. “Sounds like a match for you.”

“And more so. Got her own TARDIS now. Off who knows where, making the universe a better place.” Making the most of her last moment of life, however long that lasts.

“And there was another,” Donna said, scanning over the pictures. “Who was the third the Toymaker mentioned?”

“Bill.” The Doctor pointed to one near Rose. “Bill Potts. My former student, turned adventurer and friend. Oh, I wish she’d gotten to meet all of you.”

“So do I,” Rose said, picking up the picture. “What happened…?” she asked carefully.

“Cybermen.” The Doctor pushed back the memories of that, not prepared to reopen yet another wound just now. Besides, that wasn’t what this was about. “But before that, she was a brilliant young woman, so very clever and hopeful and incredibly strong-willed. Only person I’ve ever seen resist Cyber-conversion enough to retain her consciousness,” he mused.

He also couldn’t help recalling her preventing him from removing her memories as he had Donna’s. What would have happened to her if he had succeeded then? She would still be alive now, most likely, but would she be happy? Would she resent him subconsciously for taking those experiences away? He would always wonder now if alive and safe was enough.

“I’d say you have a type, mate,” Shaun interrupted his troubled thoughts, “if it weren’t for that one.” He gestured beside Bill in the picture.

“Oh, that’s Nardole,” the Doctor said, pulling himself back on track. “Technically, he was sort of assigned to look after me. Keep me out of trouble.”

Donna snorted. “Good luck, him.”

“Right. Speaking of…” The Doctor pushed one photo toward Sylvia, giving her a significant look as she picked it up. “That’s River.”

Her eyes flashed with recognition and she looked at the picture with genuine sincerity. It was one River had pushed him to take with her on Darillium, him indulging her attempt with what he thought was an awkward smile but she had insisted it was charming in its way.

“You look very happy together,” Sylvia said softly.

“We were,” he agreed. He gestured to Donna, speaking to the group. “As you correctly surmised, River Song was my wife. Among other things, but that’s a very long story.”

“’Was’?” Wilf noted, looking up at him sadly. “Are all of the people in these pictures…gone?”

He was about to answer but Mel spared him, pointing to two pictures nearest her.

“No, not all of them. These are Dan, Yaz, and Graham. They’re part of the Companion group I go to. And I assume that must be Ryan. He’s usually too busy to hang around listening to a bunch of older people tell stories, but I know he still goes adventuring with Graham and Yaz a lot.” She nudged Donna. “You could meet them when you start going.”

“Right, yeah,” Donna said noncommittally.

“And they’re doing all right?” the Doctor asked, unable to resist.

“They are. Adapting, as we all did coming back.” Mel looked at him pointedly. “You know, you could see them again too.”

“I will,” he promised.

“Mm-hm.” Mel gave him a knowing look, but didn’t press it.

“That’s really you as a woman?” Rose asked.

“It is.” He welcomed the redirection. “Up until a few weeks ago, actually. Just hours before we met.” He still couldn’t believe all that had happened in a day.

Rose nodded, looking at the photo with a smile. “You were really pretty.”

“Thank you. I really enjoyed being her.” Maybe that was part of why this face had come back. She hadn’t wanted to leave either.

“Would it be all right if I took these pictures to give them?” Mel asked, holding up the ones of the Fam. “I think it would mean a lot, especially to Yaz.”

“Of course,” the Doctor agreed, though a new round of butterflies filled his stomach. “I can print more if they want them. Same for any of you.”

“Would you mind if we added the rest of these to our family album, or hung them with the pictures in the living room?” Donna asked. “They’re part of the family now. It just seems right. And it’ll make sure they’re never forgotten.”

Any hesitant feelings he had about having to face his losses on a daily basis crashed out from under him. How could he say no to that? He wondered if Donna had phrased it that way on purpose, so he couldn’t possibly refuse. Regardless, he found he was rather touched at the idea of truly having everyone he loved represented together in one place.

“You have the biggest family on Earth!”

Sarah-Jane’s words echoed back across time in his mind and he had to admit she was right. She was always right, of course. And it had only gotten bigger since then.

“I think they would be very honored,” he agreed. “Though I’d better print out ones for everybody or it’ll seem like I have favorites.”

“If one’s your wife, you’re allowed to have a favorite,” Wilf chuckled.

The Doctor felt a pang thinking of Rose Tyler and Yaz and…best not to go too far down that path.

Instead, he redirected. “Well, that also makes Amy and Rory my in-laws, so…”

“Wait, what?” Donna sat up straighter, grabbing the picture of the Ponds again.

Sylvia leaned over too, holding the picture of River beside them. “Those are her parents?”

“You married the daughter of the woman who you were also childhood friends with?!” Donna demanded, a bit too excited to have some new scandalous family gossip.

“I mean, it sounds a bit odd when you say it like that,” he protested. “Time travel makes all relationships complicated anyway. And I didn’t plan to, it just…worked out that way.”

“Was she adopted?” Sylvia asked. “I don’t mean to be rude, but she doesn’t really look a thing like them.”

“Well, she’d regenerated a few times by then,” he said without really thinking.

“She was a Time Lord?!” Rose gasped, eyes bright.

“Not really, no. Amy and Rory were completely human.”

“So she’s like me and Mum?” Rose persisted.

“No, it wasn’t a Metacrisis. She just—Her parents—You see, the Time Vortex…” This distraction had taken a turn down a different troublesome alley he hadn’t planned on. “Look, I’ll explain it sometime when Rose is older.”

“I’m fifteen!” she retorted. “And I had your memories.”

“Then you can remember it for yourself,” he returned, knowing that knowledge was thankfully gone from her mind. He hoped. As were any memories of the details of that long night on Darillium…

“All right, leave it be, Rose,” Shaun said. “Thank you, Doctor, for sharing these with us.”

“My pleasure,” he said, and found it wasn’t entirely untrue.

He noticed that Donna had gone back to looking through her stack of pictures from their travels and that she looked perilously on the verge of tears. “Are you all right?” he asked.

She nodded, sniffling slightly. “Yeah. It’s just…It’s real, you know? And it’s stupid. I mean, you’re here, the TARDIS is out back, I’ve got my memories again, but…” She clenched the pictures a little tighter, looking up at him. “It was all real.”

He smiled, pulling her sideways into a hug. “It was all real.”

The rest of the family allowed her her moment, a fond warmth filling the room.

“All right, enough soppiness,” Donna said, pushing away the emotion and going back into Mum mode. “Anyone hungry enough for dessert?”

There was a general chorus of assent and they started clearing space on the table for cake and coffee. But as they did, the Doctor found himself looking back and forth from Donna to the picture of their past selves.

“What?” she asked when she noticed his quiet.

He tilted his head, considering her. “You do look different now.”

He saw a flicker of insecurity in her eye, but she gave him a warning glare. “So the tact River taught you only sunk in enough to be a delay mechanism, then?”

He let that roll off and just continued, “You seem happier now. Content, comfortable in yourself. It suits you.”

She paused, unprepared for that answer. “Well,” she said, nodding, “hopefully same goes for you soon. Now come on. Help me bring in the plates.”

He hesitated a moment more as she left. He honestly did feel a bit better, talking about his past loved ones in the open like that. He still wanted to avoid thinking about why they were no longer with him, but at least he could honor their memories and share their lives with those who were still here. Or returned to him again against all odds.

Maybe there was something to this rehab after all.

He glanced down at the table and the smiling faces that had been so dear to him for so long.

“I hope you’re happy,” he muttered.

Then he followed Donna into the kitchen.

Chapter Text

He should have known it was coming. Things had been going along too well for too long. It was inevitable that everything would catch up to him.

Maybe it was looking at the pictures of his lost companions that ultimately triggered it when it did. Either way, shortly after that evening, the Doctor began having the worst nightmares he had been afflicted with since his first night back on Earth.

None of the imagery surprised him and half the time it was so fractured and overlapping there was no narrative to any of the dream, just a storm of destruction and loss and pain that left him jolting awake into a fog of grief and longing.

After one such night, he bolted upright, the emptiness of the TARDIS suddenly too much for him to bear. He scrambled out of his bed, down the corridors, which had thankfully shortened to accommodate his hurry, and slammed out the doors into the chilly quiet of the Nobles’ garden.

He just stood out there for a few minutes, breathing hard. The house was there, darkened, but repaired enough to be comfortably lived in again. Rose’s shed was there, her own mini-TARDIS perched beside his like a hen and chick. There were no lights on in the house this late at night, no sign of actual life despite the normalcy of the garden. He considered sneaking in, just to make sure everyone was still there, but chided himself for his insecurity. No, he wouldn’t bother them again just to reassure himself like a child.

He breathed the air, tasting the unique components of 21st century Chiswick, London, England, Earth. He felt the linear time streaming past him, the fast-yet-slow rotation of the planet, which had been so constant for the last month. The rhythmic tick of Earth-based time felt discordantly out of sync with the four-beat pattern of his hearts. Irritatingly so. He looked to the sky, seeking familiar patterns to orient himself in space again, but could barely make out the brightest stars against the light pollution of the city around them.

For a moment, he felt trapped, his senses dulled, and he fled back into the TARDIS, closing the doors behind him and taking refuge in the familiar isolated space inside.

The TARDIS chimed worriedly.

“I’m fine,” he responded, willing it to be so as he walked up the ramp. “Just need to work off some energy. Been a while since we checked in on what’s going on out there. What d’you say we catch up a bit?”

Knowing sleep wasn’t going to return any time soon, he strode over to the console, adjusted the viewscreen, and began scanning outward into space. At least with the TARDIS’s sensors, he should be able to pierce through the enclosing atmosphere around Earth and get some sense of the greater universe again. Make sure it was all still in one piece, as much as could be expected, while he was away.

He was so deep in his scans that he didn’t acknowledge how much time had passed until there was a knock at the door.

“Yes?” he called.

The TARDIS took his cue and let Donna open the door. “Breakfast is on the table. You coming?”

He didn’t look up from his work, checking for irregular changes in energy levels that could indicate a dangerous ship near their system. “I think I’ll pass today, thanks.”

Donna paused, frowning. “Everything all right?”

“Yep, just in the middle of something. Nothing to worry about,” he added, hoping the slight tone of disappointment at that fact didn’t come through his voice.

She was quiet a moment and he could practically feel her eyes assessing him skeptically, but apparently she decided not to pursue it yet. “All right, just don’t get too caught up. I’ll leave a plate for you in the fridge if the others don’t polish all of it off.”

He grunted a distracted thanks and noted in his peripheral that Donna gave a glance upward as she did when addressing the TARDIS before heading out. No doubt telling the ship to look after him. He tuned out the irritation that sparked in him and focused back on his work.

OOO

Unfortunately, even the TARDIS’ sensors were only so strong and he quickly ran up against the limits of what he could pick up from his position here. He paced the control room for a while, even tried jogging the arcs of ramps that made up the now-larger space as if put there for just this purpose, but he couldn’t shake the pressure constricting him.

Finally, he could resist no longer and with a definitive jab, he activated the TARDIS’ flight controls. The wheezing of the engines scratched a metaphorical itch that had been bugging him for weeks and he relished the lurch of the ship dematerializing into the time stream, however briefly.

He didn’t break his promise completely. It was a short jump, but just enough to get where he needed to go without drawing unwanted attention.

As soon as the TARDIS faded back into the present, he sped down the ramp and threw open the doors, taking a deep breath despite the lack of reason to in his new location. He hadn’t gone far, still in Earth’s orbit, just on the night side of the planet. Outside, at last, he could see the stars properly.

Feeling the weight lifting off him a bit, he let himself plop down in the doorway, feet hanging over the edge, and just soaked in the openness of the vacuum beyond the TARDIS’ shielding.

For a moment, he could let his thoughts quiet, as much as they ever did.

Then a synthetic ringing sound started.

He had a mobile again. Martha’s original one had long since stopped working in the millennia since she left it with him, but Donna had insisted he keep a new one in case of emergencies. He still wasn’t used to it.

With a sigh, he pulled it out of his pocket and pressed the flashing icon on the screen. “Hello?”

“Doctor, it’s me,” Donna said redundantly—only a single-digit number of humans had this number. “UNIT just picked up a TARDIS appearing in Earth’s orbit. Just checking if that’s you or if your other self came back.”

“Just me,” he said, leaning back on his arm that wasn’t holding the mobile.

“Right. Everything okay?”

He inhaled deeply through his nose. “Everything’s fine. Nothing for UNIT to get up in arms about. I just needed some space. Literally.”

“Of course. Right. Well, just making sure. See you after work?”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ on the end of the word, ended the call, and tossed the phone behind him.

A twinge of guilt went through him. Donna asked that question with an uncertainty because she thought he was running away, leaving her behind again. He should have reassured her, given her something more than he had, but he didn’t have it in him in the moment. She was probably going to let him have it when he got home for hanging up on her and maybe that would help snap him out of the mood he was in, but he didn’t want to get into something like that with all of UNIT’s ops room potentially listening in.

Besides, she had every right to be worried. That was what he had always done, wasn’t it? Run as soon as things felt like they were getting too settled? And then lament the fact that everything ended and he was always ultimately alone. He had a second chance now. Life had given him the time back that he lost with Donna and he had been welcomed into her entire family as well. He had the chance to stay forever, neither needing to leave the other again.

So why was he restless and angry instead of happy?

Sitting here in orbit over the Earth, he remembered the last time he—or rather she—had been up here. Perched on top of the TARDIS with Yaz, holding off her regeneration energy desperately to stretch the last bit of time they got together as long as she physically could. It was never enough, of course. And she had chickened out of letting Yaz be there for the regeneration itself. Everything was so perfect as it was, she dreaded how it would change when she became whoever she became next. The Doctor still hadn’t forgotten the way Clara looked at him as a stranger when he regenerated until he literally called her across time to beg her to see him in himself. He couldn’t stand the thought of Yaz looking at him like that now, so completely different from who she had fallen for.

That was why he sat now with the Earth behind him, refusing to look back and recreate that moment without her. Of course, that had been his own choice. Yaz hadn’t requested to leave when the regeneration was imminent. She had resigned herself that it meant the woman she loved was dying and would be a stranger afterward, hadn’t questioned that that was their fate, but honestly, the Doctor hadn’t given her a chance to even see if Yaz would be all right with knowing each other across regenerations. After all, Rose had been fine with it all once he proved himself to still be the Doctor. Of course, back then he had regenerated into a form that might appeal to her even more. The Doctor had never asked Yaz her exact orientation, but he doubted ‘depressed middle-aged man’ was as charming as his previous self. She’d be more likely to give that other version of himself a chance, newly bigenerated bright and enthusiastic and ready for adventure.

And that, really, was at the heart of what was bothering him. He had settled down before with the Ponds for a time. He had spent centuries on Trenzalore. But each time he felt he had a purpose overall. Here, he was on Earth, the same place he had left Yaz just weeks before. The same place so many of his past companions were. He could have more time with all of them. Make the most of this time.

But he remembered how Tegan and Ace had reacted to seeing him—her again. The rightful anger at being abandoned, the longing for the Doctor they had known. Even Mel had looked at the old pictures so longingly despite embracing him in his present and bigenerated forms immediately. Of course, she had known him through two regenerations already. Maybe that helped. And she had left of her own free will, so no resentment lingered between them. Would trying to reunite with any of the others be for their benefit or purely his own longing? After telling Yaz if it was with anyone, it would be you, how could he approach her knowing he had settled down to live with someone else?

He had been on Earth for over a month now and had spent it hunkered down, hiding in the Nobles’ garden. In their lives, really. The others likely knew he was there, thanks to those companion meetings, and that he hadn’t made the effort to reach out in all that time. Or any of the times he had returned to Earth before. Except, it wasn’t because he was off and running to the next danger, the next adventure, this time.

He was hiding. And that was so much worse than running.

He focused out at the stars again, the universe ravaged by his travels and punished for his very existence. Perhaps it was for the best he stayed in one place. But then, how long would it be before all of those cruel forces out there discovered him and decided to target Earth and the people he loved here even more because of his presence? Or was he no longer The Doctor, not worth their time when his real, truer self was still out there?

The deep expanse of space was no longer making him feel relaxed, but the thought of just parking in the garden again and puttering around all day had little more appeal. It would be so easy, he thought, one hand reaching out past the doorframe of the TARDIS, toward the distant stars. It beckoned him, all the wonders and mysteries out there still to be seen. He still wanted to know what happened next.

But he also knew among that waited the next loss, the next horror committed in his name, the next tragedy he couldn’t stop no matter how he tried. And he couldn’t bring himself to think about facing another new tragedy just now.

Besides, if he left, it would upset Donna. Not surprise her; he hated that he knew she wouldn’t be surprised if he disappeared again, but he couldn’t feed into the part of her mind that didn’t think she was someone worth sticking around for.

No, he wouldn’t break his promise to her, or to his future self. No more running, not this time.

He sighed heavily, pulled his legs back in, and headed back to the console, the doors closing softly behind him. And he directed the TARDIS back down to its spot in Donna’s garden, as if it had never left.

OOO

He tried to find distractions; he really did. He had intended to keep busy by recalibrating the TARDIS’s sensors to try to increase their range, or at least set up a constant scan in case anything dangerous entered the solar system, but while his hands worked, his mind continued to wander.

He got to thinking about the Mr. Smith supercomputer and whether he could get it to communicate with the TARDIS to improve both of their abilities. He wondered what had happened to it since Sarah Jane was…gone. But once he’d thought about that, his mind wouldn’t stay on the task at hand.

He had missed his chance to steal a few more years with her. Well, he supposed he had gotten some time. She was the first companion he had been fortunate enough to reunite with so many years later and get a second chance with. And what had he done with that chance? Yes, he’d visited a few times, but she had her life established on Earth, doing just fine on her own, and he had kept going like he always did. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to pause his travels and spend time with her here, even when he had seen she was getting older and such opportunities may be limited.

Far more limited than he’d expected. Maybe it had been that some part of him couldn’t conceive of the idea of Sarah Jane not being around forever. She was Sarah Jane! And yet she was gone now, without warning. A hole in his heart he hadn’t braced for because he thought he wouldn’t need to yet.

He hadn’t gone to her funeral. He should have, he owed her that much at least, but when he had found out, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Coward, always. But then, it felt like a bit of an insult too that he would find time to come back after she died, but wouldn’t spend the time with her while she was still alive.

She’d had a son. Luke. And a daughter, Sky. Brilliant otherworldly young people. The Doctor had checked on them once, shortly after Sarah Jane died, made sure they weren’t left without support, but he could have done more, couldn’t he? The children of one of his dearest friends and he hadn’t gone to be there for them during their grief. Hadn’t looked after them to honor Sarah’s memory. He hadn’t gotten to know any of the children of his past companions, except for Donna’s, and even then hadn’t come back by choice. What did that say about him? That he feared facing their deaths more? Or their lives?

He was stewing in those morose thoughts when he heard a tentative knock on the TARDIS door.

“Come in.”

The door creaked open and Donna stepped in, unusually hesitantly. “Just home from work.”

“How was it?” he asked, though still fussing with the console.

“Uneventful, for the most part.” She leaned on the railing, still partway down the entry ramp. “How was space?”

“Likewise.” He spun a dial idly. “Nothing much going on.”

“Good.” Donna shifted awkwardly. “I’m sorry we bothered you while you were taking some quiet time. Didn’t mean to overreact.”

“No, no, completely understandable. It’s rarely good news when I turn up unannounced.”

“You know that’s not true,” she said softly.

Wasn’t it, though? When death and danger tailed him wherever he went? How long until it found its way again to the house Donna had just barely rebuilt?

When he didn’t respond, still hadn’t met her eyes, she shifted tactics. “Do you feel up to joining us for dinner tonight? We ordered a curry and we’ve got the Bake Off saved up.”

He inhaled deeply. The banality of routine pulled at him like sodden clothes. “I’m not sure I’d be the best company tonight.”

“When has that ever stopped you before?” she quipped.

It was a gentle tease, born more of their usual banter than any actual commentary, but given his current train of thought it stung where it shouldn’t. He threw a switch irritably, knowing it wouldn’t currently activate anything but just needing the movement. “Go enjoy dinner and telly, Donna. I’ll be around tomorrow.”

But the humor had gone from Donna’s face now, replaced with concern and an assessing look. “Did something happen today, Doctor? You’ve barely poked your head out of the TARDIS all day.”

“I’m fine, Donna!” he snapped. “Nothing happened, I’m fine. I mean, I’m not fine. I wouldn’t be here if I was fine, would I? But no, just another regular day on Earth, like yesterday and the day before, and probably tomorrow. You don’t need to worry every time I want to stretch my legs or don’t feel like yet another round of takeout and watching humans compete over who can make the best tart again.”

He was expecting her to retaliate, challenge him back and ultimately persuade him out of his funk enough to be social for a bit, but she was oddly quiet. He looked over and saw Donna standing on the ramp, hands on her hips, tongue pushing into her cheek, but looking down at the floor.

And then his mind caught up to his words and he heard it. The slight but unmissable echo of Lance’s voice in that last sentence.

“Right,” Donna said at last, nodding but still not looking at him. “Well. You know where we are.”

And she turned and walked out of the TARDIS.

The Doctor sighed. “Donna—”

But she was gone.

He should go after her. Follow her and apologize, explain everything going on in his head, but he couldn’t find it in himself to do it just then. Instead, he blew out a frustrated breath and kicked the bottom of the time rotor.

The TARDIS made a low unhappy rumble.

Shame filled the Doctor again and he rubbed the console. “I’m sorry,” he said, not just to the ship.

Was that the kind of man he was now? One who lashed out at the ones who loved him when they were trying to help? In a way, wasn’t that who he had always been? He could remember, not so long ago, snapping at Yaz much the same way while dealing with the Flux and the revelation of their lost lifetimes. And that was just in his most recent memory.

The Doctor leaned on the console, letting his head hang. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He had thought he had been starting to get a handle on the new reality of his—their—origins in his previous regeneration. Or at least had gotten good at faking it enough to continue on. Then this regeneration had happened and this face came back. But just because he had the same face didn’t mean he was the same person he was so long ago.

It hadn’t even been a normal regeneration, anyway. He hadn’t really taken the time to process that, but these last two regenerations had been…odd. His previous body hadn’t just rebuilt into a new one; it was more like this old one burned through from another reality, wearing an outfit he didn’t remember picking out and carrying a sonic he didn’t remember building. He couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t supposed to be here. If he—whatever he was—had interrupted his own natural regeneration cycle through sheer force. But force of what, he didn’t know.

And then the bigeneration had happened. And he hadn’t disappeared. Hadn’t moved forward into that new, younger, happier face. He just…remained. Left behind while the self he recognized moved on without him.

Funny, Donna had been there for two of his regenerations and not one of them had gone normally. And each time it had resulted in a version with this face splitting off to be left somewhere to heal while the other him kept going. He had left the previous one with Rose, and now he was the one being left behind with someone he loved, deemed too dangerous to continue roaming. Although everyone seemed to agree the danger he posed was less to the universe this time and more to himself.

A voice drifted into his memory from so, so far back in time. Back on what had once been the worst day of his life. The voice he only later recognized as Rose’s, but used by the technology he nearly destroyed Gallifrey with. The Moment, wearing Rose Tyler’s face, had looked at him wearing this face for the first time and declared him the one who regrets.

Well. He couldn’t deny that held true this time around as well. Maybe that was really why this face had come back.

“Doctor? You in there?”

His head snapped up, abruptly returning to the present as he heard Wilf’s voice outside. Donna hadn’t mentioned he was joining them tonight as well.

“Wilfred,” he called back, though he could hear the forced cheer over the flatness in his voice.

“Permission to come aboard, sir?” Wilf said from just outside the TARDIS door.

“Ah, it’s always granted for you, Wilf,” the Doctor said, coming around the console tower, grateful the TARDIS had installed its more accessible overlay when settling in here.

He was about to hurry down and help push Wilf in, but the man held his hand up. “Ah! No need this time. I can drive myself.”

The Doctor paused, watching with surprise as Wilf scooted up the ramp in a new electric wheelchair that was a considerable upgrade from his previous one. “Well! Look at you!”

“Ain’t she a beaut?” Wilf grinned, doing a little extra circle when he reached the top of the ramp to show it off. “That lovely girl Shirley at Donna’s job helped me get it. Showed me the paperwork and got it approved in the budget.”

“Good woman, that Shirley.” The Doctor eyed the chair cautiously. “It doesn’t have guns equipped in it, does it?”

Wilf looked down. “I hope not. To be honest, there’s so many expensive bells and whistles on this thing I’m afraid to fuss with it too much and end up breaking it.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out just fine,” the Doctor said, leaning back against the console. “But shouldn’t you be inside having dinner with the family?”

“I will, yeah. But Donna said you were in a bit of a mood today.”

The Doctor’s carefully relaxed expression fell. “Right. If she mentioned what I said, I didn’t mean it—”

Wilf held up a hand again, waving him silent. “Whatever’s said between you two, I leave that to you and her. I just wanted to pop in and see how you were holding up.”

Facing another bout of concern chafed irritably. “I told Donna, I’m fine,” the Doctor said, pacing behind the console again.

“Right. Right.” Wilf nodded, staying where he was. “I just remember, when I first got back, times like this were the hardest for me.”

Curiosity managed to peek over the Doctor’s irritation. “Times like this?”

“When it’s quiet. After coming home from the war, I could get by when things were busy, keep active, you know. But when there was nothing going on, I didn’t know what to do with myself.” He chuckled slightly. “Drove my Eileen a bit mad sometimes. But I figured you had to be getting to that point yourself now, after all the travel and fighting and everything you’ve been doing.”

The accuracy of that hit closer to home than the Doctor cared to admit. So instead, he simply asked, “How did you manage it?”

“Oh, found things to do now that I was a civilian again. I didn’t miss the daily fear for my life; though that took its time leaving. But I missed having purpose. Structure. A reason to get up and things that needed to be done each day. So I had to start making my own. Now, I know you haven’t exactly had someone giving you orders all this time, but I can’t imagine going from the responsibilities you took on out there to twiddling your thumbs here.”

The Doctor tried not to feel patronized again. “Look, Wilf, if you’re about to suggest I get a hobby—”

“No, no. Well, it’d be nice to find something you enjoy someday, but I was going to suggest you might feel better if you got involved in a bit of volunteer work while you’re staying here. Still get to help people out, just without having to be in danger all the time. We could always use some extra hands at some of the veterans’ programs I work with. Serving food, helping them with paperwork for medical and housing benefits, sometimes just being a listening ear. That sort of thing.”

The Doctor milled that around, feeling the weight on his chest actually lift slightly. “That sounds potentially interesting.”

“Yeah?” Wilf smiled, though still seeming like he was moving cautiously around this conversation. “And it doesn’t have to be veterans’ services. There are so many people out there who could use the help of someone with the energy and willingness to pitch in. I just thought it might be good for you to talk to some of the old soldiers. I know it helped me a lot. As much as I’m glad to have Sylvia and Donna, there are certain parts of war I’m grateful they’ve never needed to learn about.”

The Doctor was afraid Donna had experienced more of the horrors of war than Wilf would want to know. But he pushed that thought away, focusing on the idea of having something useful to do here on Earth. It certainly was enticing.

“I couldn’t talk to them about my own war experiences, though,” he pointed out, a bit of habitual stubbornness.

“You could just say you were doing classified work,” Wilf shrugged. “Plenty of people can’t share all the details, but some experiences of war are universal, alien or not.”

The Doctor bobbed an eyebrow, unable to deny that. “I may just have to take you up on that, Wilf.”

Wilfred’s face lit up. “Good! We’d be glad to have you for however long you’re sticking around.”

That poked at the guilt in the Doctor’s mind over his interactions with Donna today. “I’m not planning on running off again.”

“No, no,” Wilf said placatingly. “I just mean, whatever time you get like this.” He gestured broadly at the Doctor’s appearance. “I’ll be honest, I don’t really understand how this whole bigeneration thing worked.”

The Doctor scratched his jaw. “If I’m honest, I don’t fully understand it either. It’s never happened before. Ever. We’re in uncharted waters here.”

“But he was you, just a future you? Not a copy?” Wilf asked.

The Doctor reached into his pocket as he walked around the console and plopped down cross-legged in front of Wilf, pulling out a length of string. “Imagine this is my timeline. Not time itself, but my personal pathway. We’ll call this the point where I showed up here on Earth again,” he said, indicating the end of the string.

“So, I arrived here, dealt with the Meep, bounced around in the TARDIS a bit, back and forth to the past, around the universe, but my actual timeline was just continuing forward,” he said, pulling the string through his fingers to indicate moving along it. “Still a straight line, yeah?”

“If you say so,” Wilf said, but seemed to be following along well enough.

“Then, the Toymaker shoots me with a laser and I start regenerating. The line should still continue forward, just with me in a different body, but instead…” He held that point in the string with one hand and used the other to pick up a section further down the string and pulled it up closer. “The me of the future, who I was going to become whenever I regenerated anyway, gets pulled back to the present and gets to show up early. The real timeline, the universal timeline, isn’t affected, but my personal timeline gets bent.”

He indicated the loop of string now hanging below the two joined points brought together. “This is me now. Still living out the rest of my own timeline that leads up to him, but with both of us existing together in the universal timeline.”

“Huh.” Wilf nodded, but the Doctor wasn’t sure if the explanation had made much more sense. “And you can do that? It doesn’t wrinkle something else in the bigger universe, moving time around like that?”

“It shouldn’t be possible,” the Doctor agreed. “It’d be a paradox, normally. Oh, I’ve had overlaps with myself before; almost inevitable much as I’ve been around. But all those were short-lived. They had to be or things would get…tangly.” He shrugged. “But the Toymaker doesn’t follow the rules that govern our reality, so apparently sometimes exceptional things can happen.”

Unless that wasn’t really what had happened. Maybe he wasn’t taking the long way around a loop that would bring him back to that self he had met on the helipad. Maybe, in truth, he had regenerated that day, but his timeline had branched, split on an immovable rock, and he was a fraying thread, trailing alongside his true self’s timeline until, like all echoes or shadows, he finally faded away…

“Well, that’s a bit of a blessing, eh?”

The Doctor looked up, confused. “Hm?”

Wilf pointed to the joined points in the string. “You got to see your future self, and you said he was happy, right? So you know for a fact you won’t feel like this forever. That it’ll all be all right when you make it through the other side. That’s more than most people get.”

The Doctor felt the corner of his mouth quirk up. After all this time, he still marveled at the optimism of the human mind. It was part of why he loved them so much.

He looked back at the loop of string and wondered how far along it he was at this point. He didn’t feel anywhere close to being that cheerful, energetic self with the clarity to look back and tell himself what he needed to heal. So he likely was going to be on Earth with this face for a long while yet. Of course, that assumed he actually was going to become that new Doctor and not just continue on here, waiting for a predestined future that was already happening and no longer included him.

Either way, that string seemed to stretch interminably ahead, an end promised, but still so far away. And yet…reaching that end meant that all of this would be over. Either he would be pulled back to that day facing the Toymaker, immediately into conflict again, or he would cease to exist as this branched timeline ran out. Regardless, it meant the end of his time with Donna again. He took a certain solace that when the new Doctor had appeared from his presumed future, he just looked at Donna with joy and love, not surprise or haunted grief. He hadn’t lost her again or perhaps knew that wasn’t the last time they would see each other. But still, that Doctor had left then, back to the stars alone. At some point in the coming months?--years? decades?--the Doctor would disappear from this life on Earth one way or another and this time would be past.

Both too long and painfully short at the same time. Huh. Maybe he was starting to think like a human.

He felt Wilf’s hand touch his shoulder and grip comfortingly and he realized tears had started escaping down his face unfelt. He shoved the string back in his pocket and sniffed sharply, reining himself back in as he swiped the tears off his cheek.

“It’s all right, lad,” Wilf said gently.

The Doctor laughed wetly. “I’m older than you, Wilfred. Older than your whole planet.”

“Yeah, well, what’s that matter? Besides, don’t they say time is relative?”

The Doctor snorted again at Wilf weaving his own way to the heart of the matter. He sighed, shoving a hand through the spikes of his hair. “It’s been a bad day, Wilf.” He used the same hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, feeling tears threatening to build again. “And I took it out on Donna, who absolutely didn’t deserve it.”

Wilf’s hand squeezed again. “She’ll understand.”

The Doctor frowned bitterly. “She shouldn’t have to.”

“Maybe. But she will.”

“What’ll I do?”

The Doctor sat up abruptly, turning to see Donna standing in the still-open doorway of the TARDIS. “Donna, I am so sorry—” he started.

She waved a hand dismissively. “I have a teenage daughter. It’s not the first time I’ve been snapped at. Honestly, I’m kind of surprised it took you this long to get there.”

“Are we holding up dinner?” Wilf asked.

“No, I told Shaun and Rose to go ahead and start. Don’t feel rushed out here; just dropping off some tea as it’s getting nippy out,” she said, holding up a pair of thermoses as she came up the ramp.

“Still coming up the hill to bring me tea, sweetheart?” Wilf beamed fondly.

“Always,” she smiled, passing him a well-worn thermos. She held out another to the Doctor, slightly stiffer than usual, but without hesitation. “You don’t have to drink it, but might do some good. I’m starting to turn into Mum, but, sometimes a hot drink really does help.”

He accepted the thermos and caught her hand with his free one, grateful when she didn’t pull away. His eyes locked with hers, trying to pour all his sincerity through the look and touch. “Thank you. Even if I get cranky and ungrateful, I truly appreciate it. All of it.”

She smiled back softly and he knew she knew he wasn’t just talking about the tea. She squeezed his hand back. “You’re welcome. Dumbo.”

“The Doctor and I were talking about him coming along to volunteer with my veterans’ groups,” Wilf said, sipping his tea.

“Oh?” Donna said, looking back to him with surprise.

He shrugged again, fiddling with the thermos as he played it off. “Yeah, well, something to do to keep me busy, have a bit of purpose. You know. Idle hands and what have you.”

“I think that’s brilliant,” Donna said, leaning back against the railing and crossing her arms lightly. “I’ve, um, decided to take Mel up on her offer to meet some of the other Companions too.”

That little flare of worry and something like jealousy flickered through the Doctor’s chest. “Oh yeah?”

“Mm.” She nodded. “Not go to an actual meeting; I still feel like that’d be kind of inappropriate, but one-on-one, whoever Mel thinks would have fun talking. She gave me Martha’s number. Apparently, Martha found out I got my memories back and she’s making a trip out to London to visit.”

“Really?” the Doctor said, happy for her despite the anxiety that was spiking again through his nerves. “That’s great!”

“You don’t have to see her yet if you’re not ready,” Donna assured him. “But…I think it’s good for us both to have people to talk to about everything other than just each other.”

“Right.” He nodded, knowing she was right and trying to tune out the bit of fear and irrational sting that triggered. “Probably for the best.”

Donna shifted against the railing, looking down at the floor again. “You know, when I told you you owed me fifteen years, I didn’t mean it to feel like a prison sentence.”

“It doesn’t!” the Doctor said quickly, jumping up to gently hold her upper arms and try to catch her eyes. “I promise. I’m so sorry if I’ve been acting like it was. I’m genuinely so grateful to be here with you. I never thought I’d get that chance again.”

She sniffled slightly, but thankfully wasn’t tearing up. “Maybe, but I also don’t want you to stop being who you are or make you give up what you love. I know being grounded must drive you mad. I just don’t want you to keep getting hurt.”

“I know.” He rubbed her arms. “I don’t want that either. And it really is a nice change to have things calm for a while. Honest.”

“Maybe there’s some way you can compromise,” Wilf suggested. “Just take short little holidays now and then? Like day trips to places you know are safe?”

The Doctor automatically flicked a hopeful, enticing look Donna’s direction.

“The last trip was supposed to just be over to see you and we ended up almost dying at the edge of the universe!” Donna retorted. “And yes, that one was my fault, but still! That’s all it takes is one little slip! And even when we did go places that were supposed to be relaxing, something still happened!” She pointed at the Doctor. “You got possessed while we were at a spa! I got sent to a parallel reality while shopping! Yes, it’s amazing out there, but it’s also terrifying and bloody dangerous!”

The Doctor flinched with guilt. He remembered when Donna first sought him out to come with him, the joy and exhilaration on her face as she waved to Wilf from the TARDIS door. Now she was so traumatized from their travels that she had gone back to being rightfully terrified of what was out there.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. He felt like he needed to say that a lot, even if it felt utterly insufficient.

“I’m not blaming you! I’m just saying living like that got you hurt too!” Donna sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Look, I’m not your mother. I’m not trying to take away the car keys and tell you you can’t go out when you want to. I just want you to stop feeling like you need to. To have somewhere you don’t want to run away from.”

“I know,” he agreed. “And I do love being here with you. I don’t want to run again.”

“You do though.” She didn’t say it accusingly. More with an understanding, if sad, smile. “And I do understand. I know what it’s like to want to get away even when you have people you love at home,” she said, putting her hand on Wilf’s with a bittersweet expression.

“I think all of us have felt like that at some point,” Wilf agreed, squeezing her hand back.

“Maybe it’s easier since I have a kid now, a family that’s counting on me,” Donna mused. “No matter how much I want to travel or just shake up the everyday work and bills and worries, I know I always want to come back to them.”

The Doctor couldn’t deny the deep longing in his chest that echoed.

“And who knows?,” Donna shrugged, lightening her tone. “Maybe I had an advantage, not being able to remember all those years. I should probably thank you for that. Made it easier to settle down.”

The Doctor frowned, those sanguine feelings suddenly interrupted. “You can joke about that?”

“Oh, sorry, too soon?” Donna asked, putting a hand to her chest in feigned surprise. “I know I haven’t had four billion years, but yeah, it’s in the past. I’ve moved on.”

She was trying to draw him into the playful mood, intentionally playing it up a bit casually, but he could tell she was overall telling the truth. It should have taken a bit of the load off his mind and most days he would have gladly taken the bait, but today he found it rubbed his nerves the wrong way.

“How did you forgive me for that?” he asked, backing up a bit, agitated.

“What?” she blinked at his reaction.

“You keep forgiving me. For being snappy today, for putting your family in danger again, even for taking your memories away. Even when your memories came back, the first thing you shouted at me about was the Lottery money, not what I did back then. Why aren’t you angry about that?”

Donna stared at him like he had started bigenerating again. “Because I care about you, you idiot. That’s what best friends do.”

“Best friends don’t steal each other’s memories while they beg them not to!” he snapped.

“Easy there, son,” Wilf said, raising a hand in case he needed to intervene. Good. Part of the Doctor was glad to see Wilf would protect Donna from him if necessary.

“Doctor, you saved my life!” Donna retorted, finally raising to the fight he had been itching for all day. “Everything I have now, my family, I have because you did that!”

I gave you a life! Everything you are is because of me.

He recoiled from Tecteun’s voice in his memory, making himself stalk around the console before spinning to face Donna again from a safer distance away. “I betrayed you! You were begging me not to take your memories, but I didn’t listen! Yes, I wanted you to be happy, but I made the decision for you because it was what I wanted. I couldn’t bear a universe without you in it, so I sent you back here to a life I knew you didn’t want, because that’s what my kindness looks like.

“And!” He gestured to Wilf. “I made your family lie to you for years! Convince you you were just daft. Can’t trust Donna to take care of herself, just let her think she’s losing her mind, another mad, clueless, average human. You should hate me,” he said to Wilf. “I promised to look after your granddaughter and I failed her so many times. Do you have any idea how many times she almost died and I couldn’t do anything to save her? You shouldn’t want me anywhere near her.”

“Here now—” Wilf started, but the Doctor ignored him, whirling back to Donna.

“You shouldn’t want me anywhere near your family either, much less living with them. I already got them in harm’s way once. How do you still trust me after all that?”

“Doctor, stop,” Donna said firmly.

“But I didn’t! That’s what’s worse!” He almost laughed bitterly. “I tried to take Bill’s memories too. Would have if she hadn’t stopped me. I did take Ada Lovelace’s, even though she begged, oh so much like you. Was I saving their lives then? No, it was just more convenient for me. Because I know so much better than everyone else!”

They’re your experiments. Just as you were mine.

Donna had kept position opposite him as he paced, as if trying to stay between him and the door in case he bolted, her expression utterly bewildered and frustrated. “All right, you regret those choices. I understand. We can talk about that. But why are you so determined that I still be angry about this?”

He spun toward her. “Because it was done to me and I’m furious!”

The words hung in the suddenly quiet TARDIS.

The Doctor breathed raggedly. Wilf had put a hand over his mouth, eyes sad. Donna stared at him, sudden understanding and sympathy on her face.

He realized he couldn’t stop it now. The dam had broken and the words came out almost without his conscious intention.

“I’m not from Gallifrey,” he rasped. “I’m not a Time Lord. Or at least, not what I thought a Time Lord was. I found out I was discovered as an infant at the tail of a wormhole. By a scientist who pretended to be my mother, but used me for experiments. She made the Time Lords using that research, gave them my power of regeneration. And when I stopped being useful and started being a threat to her work, she erased my memory and lied to me. All of the Time Lords lied about who I was. I have no idea where I came from originally or how old I actually am or how many regenerations I’ve had. I don’t know who I am, except apparently someone who will do the same thing to someone I love. I don’t know—I don’t—”

His voice finally started stuttering out. Donna was already in motion, striding over and pulling him into a fierce hug. He clung back, his composure entirely shattering in the security of her embrace and he felt a vicious trembling take over his entire body. As his knees gave out, she dropped to the floor with him, still holding him to her, whispering gentle shushing noises he suspected she’d used many times with Rose.

Part of him was deeply embarrassed to be held like a child, especially when he realized his deep breaths had at some point become wordless, visceral sounds that couldn’t be translated in any of the billions of languages he spoke. But he held onto the solid, steady presence of Donna and let her anchor him through the storm. As she had so long ago in a spa on a crystal world where he had nearly lost himself before. Before he’d ended up in a future where Donna hugs were an impossibility due to his own actions.

“It’s not the same,” Donna said as his breathing quieted enough to hear. “You took my memories to save my life. It was a choice made out of love and I felt how it destroyed you to do it. That does not make you the same as what that monster did to you.”

“It feels the same,” he choked.

“Look at me.” Donna pulled his face up to meet her eyes, fiercely stern and shining with tears. “You are not her. She took away your entire identity to control and manipulate you. Because she didn’t see you as a person, just a…tool. I know you’ve done many things, not all of them ones to be proud of, but one thing I know is you have never seen people as less than. Whatever else you are or have done, I know that much is true. And it means you will never be what she was.”

He wanted to argue, wanted to protest that she didn’t know everything he had done, the dark thoughts that still steered his mind more often than he wanted to admit. But it was too much to voice and he couldn’t make his throat work the way he would need to convey all that in words.

“I don’t know what I am,” he managed, understating as it was.

Donna gave a small, wet laugh. “Well. I can’t answer that. At least, not where you came from. But I can say that everything you’ve done since becoming the person you are now? That’s all real. Maybe you don’t remember whoever you started out as, but you’re still who you’ve been for the last nine hundred, million, billion, however bloody many years. You made yourself who you are, no thanks to her.”

He sniffed deeply, wiping his eyes so he could see and feeling profoundly embarrassed to be sitting on the floor of the console room with Donna and Wilf hovering and comforting him. He sighed, trying to let her words into his head. “I’m not sure what to do with that. Or if I like whoever I am regardless.”

Donna sighed too, a rueful, bitterly amused look crossing her face. “Maybe that’s another part of why you came back to me. Because I know how to get through this, living with part of who you are missing. And not being entirely fond of yourself. Sorry, Gramps.”

“I’ll just have to keep loving both of you until that fully rubs off on you,” Wilf said, a bit shakily, but with a dry laugh.

She smiled, looking back at the Doctor. “Back in the Toymaker’s world, you asked me what you were when you take away the TARDIS and Time Lord and toys. Well, I think that’s what you’re here to find out. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.”

“It’s not fair,” he muttered. “Asking that of you after I’m the reason you know what it’s like.”

She chuckled bitterly. “It’s not about fair. Fair isn’t a real thing. So it’s about doing what you can because you’re there and you’re able to help. Want to guess where I learned that?”

He just gave her a glare with fondness behind it.

“Besides, I never said I was going to do it alone,” she continued. “There are a whole blooming lot of us on this planet whose lives you’ve touched over the years and I suspect they can all help you figure out who you are, or who you’d like to be. But I’ll tell you this for now.” She leaned in and tapped his chest. “The Doctor I know is a genius. And an idiot. He’s ruthless and one of the kindest people I’ve met. A hero, and a coward. A soldier and a pacifist. He’s a million things that are wonderful and frustrating and terrifying and ridiculous all at the same time. And the good news? So is everyone else.”

She smiled and rested her hand on his cheek. “Welcome to Earth, Spaceman. Stop pretending you’re not one of us.”

He laughed. It was bitter and it didn’t fill the emptiness or quiet the storm in the back of his mind, but it was still oddly reassuring.

“Well,” he said, clearing his throat. “I suppose that’s a start.”

“If you need more than that to decide who you are now,” Wilf said, voice equally rough, “you could always start by being my grandson.”

“Wilf…” the Doctor stuttered, taken aback.

“Well, why not?” Wilf sat up straighter in his chair. “I’ve loved you as one all this time. Might as well make it official. Maybe it doesn’t make sense with all the timeline stuff, but well, who cares about that? After everything we’ve seen?”

The thought was ridiculous and absolutely overwhelming at the same time. He had known this family for the merest fraction of his infinitely stretched lifespan, one of so many chapters he had dipped into and fled from in all that time. But…in that moment, he wanted nothing more.

“I would be honored if you were my grandad,” he said, and it was the truest thing he had felt all day.

Wilf nodded. “Well, then let’s start with that and whatever else you figure out, we’ll go from there, eh?”

The Doctor looked back to Donna, still watching him with the same warm smile she’d had all these years. He thought back to how far they had come since her first wedding day, everything that had been seen and done, how she had known his very mind, everything he had been for better or worse, even after all the revelations of the last few months. And she still looked at him like he had always been family. Maybe things could still be sorted out with the others too. Maybe he could sit still by choice instead of fear.

“I can work with that,” the Doctor agreed.