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Summary
No point in weaseling – Fyodor was the sole reason why he’s still among the living. Nothing romantic in that epiphany, only confining. No, it wasn’t even an epiphany, just something he subliminally knew for the longest time yet wished lying to himself was still viable.
Life divided into before and after Fyodor – before Nikolai thought he knew only imprisonment, after realized only now he came to know one.
In which Nikolai impulsively eludes death during operation with hostages and is left to ponder just what clipped his free will away.