Chapter Text
The moon heard them. He heard every silent uttering, every laugh and giggle stiffled, every tear and whimper shed by his halves.
It was agonizing to know he would never be a part of their orbit. He knew the only reason he even heard those warm words was because he was pretending to be asleep.
{I love you sunshine.}
[I love you too, stardust.]
Painful. He'd rather have his nails be ripped off one by one, heart stabbed a thousand times, bones broken and ribcage splintered if it meant he didn't ever hear those words from muffled walls.
If it meant he didn't hear those words said to only each other, and never him.
He cried that night, then the next time they said it, then the next, until it became routine. Routine to go about the rest of his day knowing he'd never be a part of that… whatever they had.
This time was no different, they were having fun, thinking he was peacefully dreaming. Occasionally he'd listen to what was happening or what was being said, but he'd whine both in pain and in yearning.
What was different was a soft, barely uttered, 9 word sentence.
"[Why can’t it be like this all the time?]"
That.
Shattered him.
Everything else be damned.
Heart recoiled, physically fucking recoiled as if he was burnt. Oh what the hell. This was worse than burning.
He knew mind, even if Mind didn't know him. Ugly, disgusting tears forced their way out of his eyes. He tried so hard not to scream.
He knew what that sentence meant.
[Why does Heart have to ruin this?]
Why does the moon have to ruin their sky.
Heart grabbed as many pillows as he could, not caring if they heard him awake or not, practically slamming himself onto his bed. Every thought ate at him, every emotion, every fire he's ever lit, every bridge he's burned. Nothing could compare to the pain of being shunned from love. Nothing felt worse than his halves blooming together, while he could only stay in the ground. He wished he did, Heart wished he had died so that he'd never realized they would be okay without him.
He tried so desperately not to wail, curling up and covering his mouth with his hands as if he witnessed a death.
He thinks he did an okay job.
He passed out, unsure if he'd even be alive the next morning.
Unfortunately, he was.
And woke up by the knocking on his door.
"{Heart? Mate, you in there?}"
His blood boiled and froze at the same time
"(Yes. Soul. It's nothing I'm just tired.)"
Every word felt strained, he didn't bring his water bottle to his room nor did he drink any water last night did he? No, of course he didn't.
"{A'ight but if you need anything let me know okay?}" And with that they left him alone.
The rest of the day he had made a decision. He was getting in the way of the Stars and the Sun's beautiful light, an outsider. He wasn't welcomed
They left him to his devices as usual, they'd usually urged him to eat but he guesses this isn't one of those days. Another reason upon reasons that he does not belong. A stain on their love, their beauty. He was so blind to believe he could squeeze into their lives again.
They probably didn't even notice he hadn't come out of his room.
Heart suddenly jolted up, a surprise even to him and before he knew it he had fixed his bed and picked up everything he could from his floor, trying his best to clear it up.
Then he sat, and stared. For God knows how long until he grabbed a piece of paper and his thoughts began pouring themselves onto the paper.
He hopes his handwriting is still pretty like Mind said.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for getting in your way, I'm sorry I'm worse than a nuisance, I'm a cancer. For being, the heart I circulate more poison than blood. I'm sorry imsorry you dont need me you never have im so sorry for holding you both back please dont go looking for me please"
Heart paused, it was getting harder to breathe.
"ill find a way to make you both happy, i can poison another part of the psyche you dont have to worry about me anymore ill go back to the before you might call it apathy but the subconscious is where we all came from where all the things we hide go to i can make it a home and make sure i fulfill my function from there but i cant guarantee you will be safe so please dont look for me out of pity i can go back to being nothing so spare yourself the discomfort and let me go"
Bloody tears began to fall.
"if you dont want me here then the buried is where i belong. after all salt water isn't safe to drink. have a nice existence without me
goodbye Soul, goodbye Mind
heart"
And with that, he carefully set his pen down, hands shaking from how tightly he was gripping it. Heart flipped the paper face down on his desk.
By that time it was already night, they must've been on the other side of the house.
Shame then. Oh but not really.
The last thing he ever heard Mind say was how much he wished heart wasn't in the picture. At least he left his room tidy.
Carefully, he walked to their front door. Turning the handle so quietly a fly would've been louder.
Under his breath he muttered
"(I love you)"
And then he was gone.