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Alex and Maggie were watching Raya and the Last Dragon, Maggie’s new little obsession. Maggie loves when Raya and her dad meet again towards the end of the movie. When the three first watched it together, Maggie had a huge meltdown because it was too sad for her little brain to handle. The next day she came out of it very much embarrassed and offered to watch it while big, just to see what the ending is like. There were definitely still tears coming from the detective by the time the credits rolled, but seeing Chief Benja and Raya meet again was worth it. Seeing happy families like that, people who overcome that amount of trauma, it's beautiful. Watching that father-daughter relationship always made her smile.
It often has her little brain thinking, going in awful directions. Swiftly ending the night with dreams consisting of sweet moments with him and then his smile fades, an evil smirk rests on his face and the happy dreams turn into a never-ending torturous nightmare. If she were anyone else, the trauma would be so complex, maybe too complex to comprehend in her little state. But she’s lived with it, almost every day of her impressionable childhood life. Sometimes she wonders if it would have been better for her to be so traumatised that she’d forgotten it even happened. She envies the people whose minds made them forget, it fucking hurts and she envies the lives of people who are able to not consciously know what happened, for their mind to make them forget.
The movie gets to the part where Sisu and the others are in the boat with the cute ninja baby with her monkey pals. It's the girl's second favourite part of the movie. But Maggie longs to skip to the end to see Raya and her dad together once again.
Maggie yawns, it's almost ten, usually would have been in bed an hour ago but she has been having a hard time recently. Usually her Mommies would be strict with her sleeping schedule, but she gave them one of Auntie Kara’s famous pouts and they immediately caved. After that, Alex had to put a dollar in Sam's swear jar. They both got her dressed and ready for bed, but moved to the couch to watch one final movie before they would have to head off.
She gives another yawn, fits rubbing at her drooping eyes. They start to stay closed longer than they do open, and in her sleepy haze, her thoughts start to scramble into far-off unwanted directions, the thing she's been trying to avoid.
Her body gives a startling jolt, not wanting to succumb to dreamland just yet. Mama pats at her bottom, hand soft and comforting, doing nothing to keep the girl from closing her eyes.
“Mama?” Maggie cuddles deep into Alex’s side. Sam in the kitchen washing up their dessert plates.
Alex kisses the girl's head softly, rubbing up and down the girl's arm after she feels her shiver. “Yes, bug?” Alex leans her cheeks against the top of her girl's head.
Maggie clings onto her Mama’s shirt, grip tight as if she’s preventing her from floating away. Her words almost slurred from how tired she is, “I like this movie.” She rubs at her eyes.
Alex chuckles, “I know you do bug, I like this movie too.”
The girl hums, a few beats pass and the girl's eyes close, but words spill with no filter. “I like how Raya meets her daddy again. Is a happy ending.”
Alex covers the girl more securely with another throw after another set of shivers run through her little’s body. I really hope she isn't catching a cold.
“I’m glad they meet again too, she really loves him huh?”
Maggie nods her head, snuffing at her Mama’s stomach. It's a soft gotten shirt that she has been wearing for most of the day so it smells just like Alex, it's strong, soothing and calming, “I’m glad she loved him, ‘n he loves her too, but I love you even more, you ‘n Mommy.”
The director smiles and lets out a pleased hum. “I love you so much Bug, so much.” She starts drawing oblong shapes on the girls back and legs. She slightly adjusts her position as her mind silently sends out alarm bells, getting ready for something. She can feel it with how the girl has been clingy and cranky all day. She doesn't know where this conversation is going.
“Papi said he loved me,” the girl breathed, settling in under the sheet, nose barely peeking through. “I used t’ think he did, but he didn’t, not really.”
Alex furrows her eyes, confused. She knows that Maggie’s father isn’t the best, the girl rarely talks about him, in or out of headspace. She knows bits and pieces of Maggie's old life. Her father kicking her out, how he abused her and her mother, his drinking problems. Getting more, any little detail at all about the girl's old life is like asking the desert sand if God was real and if he passed by recently.
Alex does decide to silently encourage the girl with a firm kiss on the head and a hum of acknowledgement.
Another yawn, “Raya’s daddy never hurt her, he tried to protect her. He’s a good one.” The girl sniffles a bit, unsure how she got herself here, but it’s apparent she isn’t done.
The girl looks up then, usually not one to make eye contact while having a hard conversation. But something is pushing her. “Sometimes I-” Her voice stalls, like something is stuck right there. Maggie's brain is pushing her, she feels so stuffed up and everything is hard, she feels a need to just say it, say anything, tell her story.
Alex sees the little has glazed-over eyes, her lips slightly quivering, brows furrowed in outright confusion, “It’s ok bug, take your time, I’m right here.”
Maggie crawls further into her Mama's lap, face planted directly into her Mama’s neck, arms wrapped over her shoulders and legs around her waist. Alex in turn wraps herself up the same way, then grabs the blankets that have fallen to the floor and securely covers the baby’s little body.
Sam casts herself away in the kitchen so as to not potentially spook the girl with her reappearance, but the Kryptonian is still listening in.
Her voice muffled, “Papi would come into my room, when Mami was gone to work at night, he’d come in my room Mama.”
Alex can feel her shutter in her grip, this time not from the cold.
“He’d tell me I’d have to keep it a secret, and and if I did, h-he’d take me out for a treat the next day.” The girls sniffs.
Alex can feel the tears on her neck, and it takes everything in her not to cry for the girl, her precious baby girl.
“First time he did it, I cried, I was so confused Mama, he got so mad ‘cause I wouldn't be quiet,” She shakes, “Learned not to cry again….”
Alex rubs at the girl's back, unable to keep back, she lets her own tears fall at the confession, she is glad the girl isn't looking at her anymore.
“It hurt lots, didn’ always though, those were good days ‘cause that's when he didn't drink or nothin’”
Alex rocks them side to side, unable to speak, not wanting to speak, she wants Maggie to say whatever she wants, whatever she needs to.
“He was always so cold, he’d always smile at me, happy ‘cause I’d “make him warm.”His hands, h-he”
Maggie chokes out that last part, unable to keep herself together, “I-i-i don’t know why he did that, I didn't want to! I promise Mama, I never waned that, he just, he just wouldn't stop, i just waned him to stop!” She sobs out.
Sam quickly zooms in and puts a soft comforting hand on Maggie's back, this causes the girl to look up through blurry eyes at the offering hand.
“Mommy!” she lunges into the taller women, wanting something, not sure what she wants right now.
“Please, make it stop, need it to stop, need it gone!”
Both women have no clue what to do, Maggie has never dumped so much information about her life back then on them before. They never suspected it to run that deep, being sexually abused in contrast to physical and verbal abuse.
Neither women have experience with this type of trauma when it comes to children, and right now Maggie is feeling a plethora of things.
Sam stands, silently beckoning Alex over, motioning her to wrap her arms around Maggie just like she herself was. Slowly in sync, they are rocking the girl back and forth, both humming her song.
It takes an hour of constant back rubs, rocking, and humming to get the girl to stop crying, and another hour to get her to fall asleep. Alex is stiff and her back aches from standing in one spot for too long, but it was worth it, she will do anything, everything for her girl.
Maggie doesn't allow Sam to put her down, even in her sleep she clings to Sam, sucking at her collarbone, seeking every form of contact. It takes them a while to get settled into bed. Alex also has to remain firmly glued to the tot's back lest she throw a fit, inevitably waking herself up to continue crying. Nobody wants that.
Instead of Sam's collarbone, Maggie has settled for her paci, granted it had to be kept in place by Sam. A warm hand wrapped over her stomach from both angles, Alex’s warm body pressed against her back. Her nose planted at the back of her neck and the littles own head stuffed into her Sam's neck.
“Goodnight bunny,” Sam kissed Maggie's head. “Night Ally.”
Alex lets out a content hum, body slowly giving in to the exhaustion of the day. “Ni Ni Bug, night Sammy.”
They wish they could say the night ended there and they all slept peacefully after that. That night, they woke to cries and screams, sounds that they can never get used to.
They learned a lot that night, Maggie's life was a lot worse than any of them could imagine, and it's just the tip of the iceberg.
They will be with her though, through it all, no matter how dark and stormy this road gets, no matter how many times Maggie pushes them away, nothing's gonna separate them.
Nothing