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Aether was merely a visitor to the continent of Teyvat. He was always destined to travel amongst the stars with his sister once again. The Wanderer knew about this all too well. After all, he was the one who searched through the memories of Irminsul to help find information about Aether’s sister. At least, he was supposed to. That mostly fell through though.
But it felt much too soon when the Wanderer first heard the rumours that the Traveller was soon to leave. He hadn’t seen him in a while, and knew he must be up to something somewhere, but he didn’t expect that something to be completing his journey. It seemed he’d convinced himself that he’d never leave. After years of him being there, the thought of him leaving couldn’t seem to settle in. The knowledge felt like a leaf sitting atop a stream of water; there on the surface but yet to fully sink in.
He didn’t expect Aether to come back for him. Perhaps a selfish part of him hoped that he wouldn’t. Closure felt far too final.
Yet there he stood, approaching the Wanderer, deep in the forests of Sumeru. It was just him. Paimon’s lack of presence would normally be a relief, however, this time, it only served to drill a pit in his stomach. He knew what this conversation would be about.
“There you are. It took forever to find you.” Aether’s voice felt like fire in the Wanderer’s ears. It was warm, yet it burned. It burned and it hurt.
“You could’ve just found me at the Akademiya.” His response was a harsh contrast to Aether’s warm tone. It was cold, icy and bitter. It lacked any real emotion or care. His response was simply a statement.
”I know. I just felt like it would be more appropriate to find you out here myself. I didn’t really feel like going into the city today anyway.” Aether disregarded his tone, still choosing to stand beside him.
“What did you come here for?”
“I have to go soon. I wanted to say goodbye.”
Goodbye. What a horrible word.
“You didn’t have to. I already knew you were leaving.” It was as if all of the progress he had made in opening up to Aether had completely disappeared. Every word was cold and dismissive and careless.
“Still, I couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye. I wanted to see you for one last time.” Every sentence Aether said seemed to hurt more. One last time. The Wanderer’s subconscious instinct to pretend to breathe was gone at this point. He was still and he was silent.
”Is that all?” His reply was short. Any other words got caught in his throat.
”I… Really have enjoyed my time with you. You’ve meant a lot to me in the time we’ve spent together. I won’t forget that.” Aether’s words began to slow. Each sentence was an effort. His throat felt tight. Yet another goodbye was hard.
”Stop it with the corny shit. I will.” The Wanderer was hurt. It hurt to hear and it hurt to speak and it hurt to see Aether standing there, knowing it would be the last time. His eyes were either staring somewhere in the distance or straight through him.
”I’m glad.”
“You’re glad?” The Wanderer’s expression fell even more from the apathetic frown he was wearing.
”I don’t want you to wait for me. I don’t want you to think of me. I don’t want you to miss me.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t. Not one bit.”
”Good.”
There was a brief silence. Neither of them knew what to say.
The Wanderer was the first to break the silence. “You should go. I have nothing else to say.”
After another pause, Aether spoke up again. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being selfish and insisting on staying in your life even though I knew I had to leave.”
”Don’t be. Leave.” It hurt. Aether’s presence hurt. The Wanderer was having his heart torn from him again. It hurt.
“I don’t know if I can. Please walk away from me.” Aether’s reply was barely audible this time. He felt frozen.
“You first.”
”I can’t.”
”Please go.”
”I’ll close my eyes. All you need to do is walk away. That’s it.”
There was a long silence. Neither of them could possibly move. They were both waiting for each other to leave.
Once again, Aether broke it. “Staying will only be harder on both of us. Please, just go.” His eyes were closed. He couldn’t bear to open them.
Again, silence.
And just like that, the Wanderer’s façade snapped. His voice shook in a way Aether had never heard and his demeanour changed in an instant. “Don’t go. Please don’t go.”
”I’m sorry.”
The Wanderer could barely suppress a sob. His voice was choked. “Aether…”
”No. Please don’t say my name like that.”
”Aether. Please.” His voice was barely audible over the light breeze. Tears began to flow freely down his face. But Aether still didn’t have the courage to open his eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
“Aether…” The only thing the Wanderer could do was repeat his name over and over again. It was both a beg for him to stay and repetition of a name he would soon no longer hear. “Aether…”
”I’m so sorry.” Just like the Wanderer couldn’t get out any words other than his name, Aether couldn’t mutter anything other than apologies. He knew this would happen. Why did he let it happen? Why was he so selfish?
The Wanderer always knew it would come to this. A part of him forgot, and none of him wanted it to end like this, but he always knew it would.
Yet that didn’t make the searing pain of being abandoned yet again hurt any less. His mind screamed at him. ‘Traitor! He betrayed me!’ And no amount of knowledge that of course this would happen could change that.
His knees gave way, the unbearable pain in his mind turning into physical weakness. He could no longer hold himself up being crushed like this, even if the weight was only emotional.
Aether managed to pry his eyes open. The Wanderer was a sobbing mess on the grass in front of him. His heart shattered. This hurt more than any physical pain he’d ever felt. It hurt more than being sliced by the axe of a mitachurl. It hurt more than being burned alive by 100 pyro slimes. It hurt more than being crushed by the hands of Shouki No Kami. Years ago, he never could’ve imagined that the Balladeer could possibly hurt him more than that, yet here he stood, proven wrong simply by tears.
Right now, to Aether, the Wanderer was a god. He didn’t need a gnosis or a giant mech to be powerful. His emotions proved to be more powerful than any of that ever could be.
He sat down beside the Wanderer. He let his pants get stained by the green grass and the mud and he wrapped his arms around the mess of a man before him. He just wanted to hold him close. Just once. He knew it would make it even more impossible to leave, but he found himself unable to stand seperate from the other’s touch. The Wanderer’s arms slowly grabbed back. They clung onto Aether’s clothes for dear life. All the Wanderer felt in that moment was the desire to melt into him. To merge into him so they would never have to be apart. But that was impossible. All he could do was beg for him not let go and let out silent sobs into his body.
“Why can’t you stay? Why can’t you and Lumine just stay in Teyvat?”
”Because we were never supposed to. We’ve always been guests.”
”But you’re not a guest anymore. You’ve been here for years. You belong here more than anyone else.”
”I can’t. I’m sorry.”
”You can! You can! Please!” The Wanderer’s pain turned to anger. Just like it always had. How dare the only person to remember what he’d done and still accept him and love him despite it all leave. How dare he abandon him. How dare he!
Aether could not return words. Instead, one hand reached up to stroke the back of his head. He only held him tighter.
“Why? Why would you do this to me?” The Wanderer continued to beg. He knew the answer. He knew he would inevitably be left alone again. But he continued to beg with the slight hope that he could change his mind.
“I’m sorry.”
”Shut up! You’re not fucking sorry! If you were, you wouldn’t leave me!”
But despite his anger, he didn’t dare to move. He didn’t dare to deny Aether’s comforting embrace. He wanted to scream at him and hurt him and make him feel the same pain he was causing. But he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to. He continued to lay limply against Aether and listen to his racing heartbeat. How he wanted to rip that heart from his chest. He didn’t deserve it. Someone so cruel didn’t deserve a heart.
The Wanderer wished he’d never met Aether. He wished he would’ve never woken up after being defeated by him. He wished he didn’t remember him. He wished he’d never shown him empathy or care or compassion or love. If he’d never felt it, he wouldn’t be grieving the loss of it. He wouldn’t be yearning for the same feeling for the rest of his days. But all of it had happened and now he’d be cursed to never meet anyone who could possibly matter to him as much as Aether did. Did. He was right there, but he was already thinking about him in the past tense.
Neither of them really cried audibly. The sobs and wails got stuck in their throats before they could make a noise. Their anguish was only felt between one another as they felt how the other trembled.
Aether’s grip loosened slightly as he grew tired, leading a wave of panic to wash over the Wanderer. He gripped him so tight that it was sure to leave marks. He wanted to leave scars so that a trace of him would be there forever. “Don’t let go of me. Please don’t let go of me.”
”I won’t.”
”Please hold me tighter.” His words were barely a whisper, but he managed to force them out. He didn’t care that the request was embarrassing. He didn’t care about anything but being close to him at that moment.
Aether obliged, hands sinking deeper into the fabrics of the Wanderer’s clothes. Just for a while longer, he promised himself.
“Don’t let go. Don’t ever let go. You can’t.”
”I’m sorry.”
”Please say something else.”
”Anything I say right now would be corny. You wouldn’t like it.”
”I don’t care. I just want you to talk to me.”
“You mean the world to me and I think you always will. I love the way you silently look out for me and don’t expect anything in return. I love the ways you show that you care. I love how you’re always honest, even if what you say might hurt. I love the way you observe the world. I…” He couldn’t say much more. The words got caught in his throat again.
”Damn you.” The Wanderer replied, throat and eyes burning even more. How dare he say such tender words. How dare this be the last time he could hear them.
“I love you. I always will, no matter where I am or how long we’re apart, I’ll always love you.”
Damn it. How dare he, how dare he, how dare he.
“Mmh.” The Wanderer only made a small noise of acknowledgement in response at first, building up the strength to speak in response. “I love you too.”
Soon, they both ran out of energy to cry much more. Both of their grips slowly loosened in their tight embrace, leaving their eyes simultaneously growing heavy. They didn’t want to fall asleep, that would mean it’s over. But eventually, they both did, still tangled up in each other’s embrace on the grassy floor deep in the forests of Sumeru. They slept soundly, kept comfortable by each other’s warmth. It was the last time either of them would be so warm or sleep so soundly.
When Aether woke up, he was alone. The Wanderer had finally gathered the courage to leave. He would never see him again. He forced himself up to continue with his preparations to leave Teyvat.
Soon, the only remnants of Aether in Teyvat were the stories of him. He left. And he would never hear the way The Wanderer screamed in agony and sorrow at his departure.