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They say that the night is young, and although that was true for Sol, who barely distinguished the subtle warmth caused by alcohol in his body, for Axl it was a different story. The British blonde was the type of person that had an opinion on most alcoholic brands out there although, when the moment of truth came, got tipsy with a few sips. They knew their limits, of course, refusing to drink a third glass when offered, but always reaching that state of slight numbness and inhibition halfway through the second one.
Sol knew that quite well, noticing that pattern every single time that they went out drinking, but never paying too much attention to it. And what if they wanted to drink to numb some sort of problem or preoccupation? That wasn’t Sol’s problem after all, as he was aware that Axl knew how to fend for themselves, and they did it quite well.
“Hey chief…” That classic accent, now slightly tainted by a certain dizziness, spoke to the gear. “…I never asked ya, and it probably is quite the question, but when did you realize?”
“Realize what?” The man looked at his friend with slight confusion, his expression never changing from what seemed to be an annoyed façade.
“You know, that you are… you! A man!” They exclaimed, making Sol sigh as he finally understood Axl’s question.
“Well, it’s a long story. Too long in fact, and you seem like you’re going to pass out in that chair at any given minute.” He replied, crossing his arms as he looked at them with a piercing stare, but Axl knew how to play their cards, specially against their old friend.
“Come ooooon, chief! You know I’m quiet as a tomb!” …Well, perhaps they didn’t know, but they had to try, although Sol’s answer was still negative.
The blonde one sighed, resting their head over the counter. It wasn’t going to be the end of the world, but he had hoped that perhaps he would know a bit more about their friend’s past, a past that dated back more than a century back.
A century…
“Time flies apparently…” They muttered and sighed afterwards, attracting the gear’s attention and curiosity.
Sol knew about Axl’s problem with time perception, and his general issues with time in general, but never touched on the topic due to lack of opportunity to do so. Perhaps this was the right moment.
“You always told me about that one occasion with Megumi, involving one of her dresses and a, quote on quote, ‘silly dare’, but I can’t really remember how the anecdote went…” He said, closing his eyes as he took a sip of his drink. “… Tell me, how did it go?”
Sol remembered, of course he did, but unlike his British companion, he knew what strings to pull to make him talk or to distract him. Axl’s head turned towards his friend, showing a slight smile to then sit straight, with an almost theatrical manner, ready to tell his little ‘Maybe I’m not cis’ story.
“Well, it was quite a sunny afternoon… And a bloody hot one too! I felt as if I was melting...! Either way, I was with Megumi, and, noticing my discomfort, she jokingly offered me one of her dresses to wear. I accepted, just to continue the dare and have a few laughs, but when I put on that dress and looked at myself in the mirror… Something clicked.”
As they spoke, they gently grabbed the glass of alcohol in front of them without any intention of drinking its content, just tilting it from side to side as they watched the liquid flow.
“I felt pretty in that dress, and I wasn’t supposed to! I was supposed to laugh, not feel… How do you call it? Excitement? Comfort? Euphoria…?” They stopped for a moment, to then sigh and continue the story.
“Either way, I just pretended to find it funny and brushed it off, but the feeling still lingered in my mind. I never felt discomfort as a man, but this dress... It made me look feminine, but not in an unpleasant way, more in a… as a… Erm…” Again, they were searching for the right words to express their feelings.
“You know that sensation when you know something is right? That something just clicks, and you think ‘Yeah, this is the way it is, how it’s supposed to be’? That’s how it felt. But I couldn’t really do much after that, as the whole ‘Abducted from home and spitted in the future’ stuff happened, and the rest is history… Although that helped me realize that perhaps I shouldn’t think about it that much! I like to be referred to as both a man, a woman, or neither; and that’s okay!” They seemed quite enthusiastic when saying that last bit, a thing that always happened, and that Sol secretly liked to see.
Axl was quite proud of their queerness, not necessarily saying it out loud, but not hiding it either. That was something that Sol admired of them, but only a little bit.
A little bit…
Sol and Axl weren’t necessarily opposite sides of one same coin, but they took different approaches when it came to explaining their sexuality and gender. Axl, having tested the waters first, usually brought the subject up in a casual conversation like it was nothing, while Sol never mentioned it.
Not even when someone caught him shirtless.
Not even when those scars said a thousand words for him.
Since a simple deadly glance could shut any questions about it, he usually used his intimidating exterior to save himself the trouble of speaking about it.
Although deep inside he did want to speak about it.
And so, he did.
“I was pretty young, probably one of my oldest memories…”
Axl’s eyes opened wide when they heard their friend suddenly speak, not believing what they were hearing, yet remaining silent.
“Never felt quite like the other girls. I tried many dresses, and many skirts, yet they never quite felt right. It wasn’t that I was excluded by the rest, it just felt weird, even when I was alone. Apart from that, a peculiar thought always came up. Had I been born something different; would the feeling still be there…?” Sol stopped for a moment, as if he thought how to phrase his next words.
“After some months doubting myself, I finally figured out I wasn’t comfortable as a girl, and decided to tell my parents what I felt… It was a bad decision, but it had to be done, and once I was old enough, I left to never return. Eventually I got top surgery and, as you said, the rest is history…” As he finished speaking, he took another long sip, almost emptying the glass, to then look at Axl, who was still surprised by the fact that Sol had finally opened up about the ‘trans journey’ subject.
The British’s eyes quicky looked down at the counter, slightly ashamed as he felt he had forced Sol to speak about those unpleasant memories, thinking how to apologize, when suddenly he felt Sol’s hand in his shoulder.
“I decided to tell you about this, don’t you dare say sorry for something you didn’t do.” He said before Axl could even mutter a word, his eyes back to that serious and seemingly annoyed glance that the blonde one could read through. The gear wasn’t annoyed, and Axl knew he meant every word he said.
“I am glad that you could tell me this, chief…” Axl smiled, placing their hand on top of Sol’s, to then stand up, drinking what was left on his glass as he closed his eyes. “…Perhaps I should get going, I don’t think I can drink a third one without suffering the consequences tomorrow…”
“We are going, I’m not drinking anything else tonight.” The man replied, paying for their drinks, and walking with Axl towards the door.
“You sure you can’t get drunk? There must be some way for gears to also enjoy that…” The blonde one’s question seemed to quickly change the subject, with Sol answering with a plain ‘No.’
And so, both walked off into the night city, with their peculiar conversation still going, but in a different way than when they first walked into the bar some hours ago. It felt as if a barrier between both of them had been broken down, a wall that could only be broken by a situation like this, a situation of pure honesty between both friends. Perhaps they should meet up like this more often.