Work Text:
The melancholic feeling of sinking down underwater.
diving downward. Asuka feels like a weight is pulling her up, she is buoyant.
Asuka sinks, she exhales, feeling water seep in her mouth, down her throat- she chokes, barely a human reaction to swallowing water, her nose burns, her throat screams at her, her eyes dart upward, she gives up.
she gives up drowning.
she kicks her feet, fluttering upward, she is panicking. she exits, arms pull upward a heavy body. legs flail and cramp, she gasps and coughs out liquid, water. she burns, she flops over the pool wall and lies before completely shutting down.
(This is stupid. so fucking stupid.)
Asuka lifts herself up, grime picks from the unsanitary spacing of tile attaching to skin, Asuka stands and walks away, teeth gritting, her hand digs into her palm, stinging the flesh. she thrashes her body onto the metal coated railing separating tile coved bleachers from the wet unhygienic, disgusting, flooring of the pool itself, maybe Shes not that far apart from being the floor itself.
(I hate this, if I can't die, what could I be good at.)
Asuka spends the rest of her sappy angst on the yellowed tiles of the pool. legs tucked up to thou fanciful chest, face hiding in imperfect-colored thighs. arms clawing at lanky shins. Asuka disintegrates, her psyche gets chewed up and stretched out, like if she were forcefully throwing her saneness into a black hole.
Asuka tenses up and moves clawed hands to her scalp she pulls at strands in-between fingers, she stares at the dark, she doesn't sob, or angerly pout. that's childish. Shes not a child.
she finds mopeing in the empty, dirty, dimly lit school pool. better than going home. home makes her sick. it makes her want to claw her eyes out. that house. scares. Asuka.
she slowly builds up steam like a kettle and silently hisses out, keeping hot steam locked tight in a container will surely make it burst.
she stands up at the sound of white noise, too quiet, it angers her.
the water angers her
she holds her neck and presses down on her trachea; she cuts off air to her lungs.
and she breaks.