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So... I'm in prison. For the next five fucking years of my life.
How's a bitch supposed to learn anything from this shithole? You have drug dealers proving the revolving door theory, and pedophiles that actually got incarcerated — thank god, but not really since I'm not religious and also I'm stuck with them now.
And then, there's the hard bitches with a fuckton of felonies to brag about. When they asked me how I got here, I think I stretched some details to approach their level, so now they think I'm some sort of bloodthirsty whore. They're kind of fun.
God, I fucking WISH I was serving time for something worse. Five years meant that your life was basically over, enough time for a bitch to forget about you in university. If I had a second chance, I would've gone on a full-on crime spree at the mall, evading the cops and shit so that I'd at least die in a blaze of glory.
I got charged with assault for pushing Jeffrey down the stairs, that's it. How do you even take a story as lame as that and twist it into me being a future serial killer?
What really sucks is that the creep's probably still alive with zero consequences coming to him. Finishing the job would've made this so much more satisfying, even if it meant not having the time to loot his corpse for the incriminating shit he had.
It's not illegal if no one catches you, but I guess I was too mad to actually bother checking beforehand. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't emotionally charged when I thought of decking him in the face, which was definitely my biggest mistake. Goes to show what the media's portrayal of heroes really does to you — it encourages you to commit literal suicide.
Killing yourself to save your best friend's future career... that actually sounds kind of hot.
Whatever, that fucking slimebag threatened to sabotage Jecka's university application! There was a whole bunch of fabricated shit on him, which somehow included pictures of Jecka doing white woman things. He was such a fucking loser that he had apparently been stalking us at Jecka's parties for months, and somehow, nobody caught on to this or beat him up for it. He was going to leverage MY presence in her photos to get her denied a place by association.
I shredded all of it, right as the cops got to me. When they questioned me, I just told them it was some school shit, and they bought right into it. But apparently, as it turns out, being white doesn't excuse the fact that I kicked a future pedophile off the stairs. Great.
It's pretty fucking lame to mull over our motives and consequences and all that, but for the most part, I've got nothing to accompany myself with other than my own thoughts, which leads back to planning my own suicide, again... is it wrong of me to wish that Jecka was also in this prison?
Fuck if I know why I helped her. She would've never done the same for me, right?
Trick question, fuck school and all the pedophiles that run the system. In fact, I'm pretty sure I yelled at Jecka for even considering university. You got a solid future, yeah, good for you, now bend over for that A+, bitch. She was going to move over to California just for that, like, that's so far away from here! Who's going to help me steal shit from the mall if she goes away? Selfish bitch.
She was kind of mad about it though, like, not so much that we weren't on speaking terms, but enough that she wouldn't skip classes with me. I don't know if that's still the case, but I'm hoping that coming here to visit me falls in between. She should at least be grateful, I saved her ass from being lynched! And sure, she didn't ask me to do any of this when we found out, but that's what friends are for, right? Committing revenge suicide should totally be a valid reason to forgive someone.
Unless, I simply made things worse, as I'd expect from myself. My destruction of property might've made Jecka look even more suspicious than she would've been painted as. Yeah, maybe that's why she doesn't want to see me.
Wait, no, that sounds pretty stupid. Maybe she's just been busy with the exams she needs to actually get into UCLA, probably in a week or so.
What kind of conversation should I start with when she eventually visits me? Music, dumb shit, or just about anything really, anything that bounces off each of us for hours, as long as I get to hear Jecka talk. I might even be able to tolerate a minute of Smallville, any topic's fine, really.
Anything but school. Anything but university.
University... I wonder what it's like being there. The teachers are technically not pedophiles anymore, but they're still a horde of fucking creeps. Jecka's probably not going to skip anymore, though she might work herself to death on her assignments. Definitely not a great way to go out.
I guess Jecka would be staying in one of their dorms — right, fuck, that means no one would actually bother to visit me once she leaves. Most dorms are co-ed, right? That means she'd be sharing a room with someone she wouldn't give a fuck about, gross. Jecka's above that shit, she'd probably find a way to pair with another girl instead, which would be the better alternative even if they were just some lame ass nerd, or just another stuck-up bitch.
Or someone who wouldn't be willing to almost kill a man for Jecka's sake. Anyone but me.
...
I was expecting the nights in prison to feel all cold and lonely, but it's almost summer, so I just feel sweaty all over. The 'lonely' part was definitely true though.
I'm sorry.