Work Text:
-🐸👑💄🗡️-
Cauldron brew
Evie
Evie started her day at the office the same as most, with 2 cups of cauldron brew. One for herself, one for The Villain. She made sure to add the pound of sugar she knew her boss preferred, (truly that was the most villainous thing about him) and headed to his office.
She was about to knock on his door, but a loud thud and a groan of pain paused her. She hoped it wasn't Elizabeth from accounting, she hadn't meant to spill that drink on him. Evie finally knocked, and after nothing happened but another thud and a smacking noise she pounded on the door with her foot, trying not to spill the brews in her hands. She heard a sigh and saw the door slowly open.
“In case you hadn't noticed I'm preoccupied at the moment-” his eyes landed on her face and then the brews in her hands. She noticed the bloodstains making a dark crimson on his cheek and he brought up a hand to try to wipe it away, but only succeeded in smearing it more. She suppressed a snicker of laughter and his eyes dropped to her lips.
She wasted no more time strolling past him and the unconscious guard lying to the right of the room. (Elizabeth lives another day) She set his cup on his desk and briefly wondered if he'd notice a difference if she skipped the brew and just filled it with sugar and creamer.
“Here's your monstrously sweet brew Sir.” She deadpanned, turning to face him and immediately regretting it. He was wearing those goddamn black leather pants with yet another loose V ruffled shirt, only this one was slightly moist from a mix of blood and sweat. As she watched his chest rise and fall more quickly than usual she realized he'd probably been up torturing the knight for at least an half hour. Her eyes finally obeyed her command and looked back up, seeing him brush his hair off of his face glancing at the knight then back at her.
“Black as your soul is just a saying.” He responded, walking over and grabbing his brew his muscles flexing as he lifted-
Focus Evie stop making eyes at your bosses muscles it's creepy.
“There's another request from the stardust weapons supplier waiting for you to sign off on.” She stated trying to break the silence, totally inconspicuously watching his throat bob as he swallowed.
“Don't tell me you haven't learned forgery by now Ms. Sage.” He said, rolling his eyes.
“Shouldn't you be honest at least 10% of the time?” She lowered her voice an octave and pretended to scold the air “bashing people's heads very loudly against the wall leaves no time for signatures.”
He made an incredulous face but was cut short from responding by a ribbet coming from the arm of his chair. She immediately turned around to scoop Kingsley into her hands and kiss his golden crown.
“Good morning my fine king, although I doubt you would be able to sleep through the banging so I suppose I should say good evening.”
“Point taken” he muttered into his brew, glaring at the crowned frog. “Call someone in here to get rid of that.” He gestured over to the slumping guard.
She let Kingsley hop back onto her boss's desk and crossed her arms at him.
“What?” He asked, raising his eyebrow.
“What's the magic word?” She tried and failed to prevent her lips tipping up. Not relenting when he glared in her direction, she silently challenged him. He downed the rest of his sugar brew and looked away.
“...Please,” he grunted. Evie beamed at him.
“Right away Sir.” She walked to the doors feeling proud of herself.
“And Sage?” He called after her, making her stop in her tracks and look over her shoulder at him. He gestured at her brew, still sitting on his desk.
She felt her cheeks warm. “Thought I was missing something.” She quickly walked over to grab it and hurried out of the room. She almost could've sworn she heard him chuckle behind her.
-🐸👑💄🗡️-
Gifts
Evie
Evie didn't know what made her listen to the voice in the back of her head that said get your boss a bobblehead frog and had no idea why she decided to buy ten of them. But here she was, hiding 10 bobblehead frogs in her boss's office. To be fair there wasn't much place to hide them, so she settled for scattering a few in his drawers, one on the windowsill, one hung on the ceiling (don't ask), and the rest partially hidden behind papers or death threats. Now all she had to do was wait.
The Villain
Tristan was running on spite and 4 hours of sleep. “Evening Ms. Sage.” He said passing by her desk.
“Good evening, Your Evilness.” She responded beaming at him. He leaned closer looking her over in suspicion (and maybe to get a better look at her hair that rested in a bun today). He found no exclamation to her good mood however and proceeded to his office, still suspicious.
He noticed the first one immediately after the door shut behind him. It was sitting on his desk next to a pen holder. As he walked over he noticed the second… and third… and sixth. “EVIE” he called back towards the door.
“Yes Sir?” She responded, poking her smiling head in through the door. Damn his cute assistant.
He didn't bother specifying. “Why?”
She stepped in and her eyes flickered to the ceiling. He followed her gaze. “How in the hell did you even do that.” he asked bewildered.
“You're welcome.” She snickered.
He picked up one of the frogs on his desk and gently shook it, watching its head tilt from side to side. He supposed he had been given worse things. He shook it again before looking back up at Evie. She was attempting to hide her smile behind her journal and failing miserably.
He sighed. “Kingsley should be hopping somewhere around the cafe if you're looking for him.”
“Thank you Sir.” She turned to leave, still not-so-silently laughing. He bit back a smile and reached into one of his drawers to grab a paper but his hand only met yet another bobblehead frog.
“How many of these did you get, Evie?” He called after her but was only given a muffled laugh and the sound of his door closing. He turned one of the many figures on his desk toward him and tentatively flicked its head.
Evie
“I did have to bring a chair in to get one up on the ceiling but I didn't even fall… this time.” She recounted.
Blade stared at her with a mix of awe and astonishment in his eyes. “What did he even say when he saw them? How are you not out of a job yet?”
“I think he likes them.”
“You're kidding.”
“No really.” She leaned in and lowered her voice. “I don't think he's seen one before today.” Blades shocked face seems to draw Becky over.
“What did you do?” Becky demanded. “If you get any of us in trouble I swear-”
Evie cut her off. “Relax, it went well.” Then just for the sake of her own amusement she added “just don't be surprised if a finger ends up in your brew again.”
Becky’s face started to turn a violent shade of pink “You little-” she was cut off by Evie and Blades laughing fit. When she realized Evie was joking she turned on her heel and walked back to her desk with a few muttered words.
Blade eagerly got up and followed her trying to strike up conversation. Evie let out a chuckle at her friend before reaching into her drawer to grab her journal, but when she looked down she saw a green head sticking out from under it. She grinned as she reached down and pulled out the bobblehead. He must have planted it as soon as she left to get Blade. She sent a fond glance back at his office doors. There's hope for him yet. She grabbed her journal and started recounting the day.
-🐸👑💄🗡️-
Morning plans
The Villain
“You're going to burn what???” Evie said, sounding outraged.
“I'm going to set ablaze her childhood home.” He calmly restated, trying to find the way her nose scrunched anything but cute. “If it is disturbing to you I would suggest you not show up there Thursday.”
He expected her to try to talk him out of it, like many others would have, he was not expecting her to roll her eyes and say, “that is such a cliche! It's been done before like a hundred times. What about that gazebo she meets her blond boy in? That'd be more effective.”
Huh. He tried (and failed) to keep his heart rate somewhat regulated as she leaned back against the door, her bright red painted lips smirking at him. “I hadn't thought of that… I suppose it would be more effective.” He turned his chair to the window behind him so his face wouldn't betray him anymore that it already had. “I will implement it, please inform the guards of the change.” He heard her turn and open the door. “Thank you Sage.”
“Of course Sir, if you have any more flawed evil plans, feel free to ask for tips.” He heard the door shut and put his face into his hands.
“Fuck.”
“What was that Sir?”
He nearly jumped out of his chair spinning around to face her. “Nothing.”
She raised her eyebrows and looked him up and down. “Okay Your Evilness.”
Maybe this is someone torturing him for all he'd done.
He watched the door close and waited several seconds before just laying his head down and sighing.
