Chapter Text
Tess slung her bag off her shoulder, dumping it on her desk. The smell of lemon cleaning supplies still hung in the air and the blinds were freshly dusted. The bookshelf crammed into the corner was overflowing with binders. Her stack of file boxes beside the door had been moved around so the floor could be polished. She nudged them back into place with her knee. The whir from the radiator was comforting background noise as she sat down. The picture of Charlie and Sarah smiled at her from its place beside her monitor. It was from Sarah’s 12 birthday, and Charlie had begrudgingly agreed to the photo with his hood pulled up and an annoyed eye roll. Still, he’d slung an arm over Sarah’s shoulder and smiled, even if it was a bit more of a grimace. Sarah was beaming, every bit the overjoyed birthday girl one step closer to adulthood. It was one of Tess’ favorite pictures of them, despite the complaints Charlie had voiced. The first picture of her kids together would always hold a special place in her heart.
Lucita tapped a knuckle against her doorframe. Her grey hair was twisted up into a complicated braided bun. She had new purple cat scrubs and the lanyard hanging around her neck was dotted with superhero pins, “Anna brought her girl. She’s been waiting for you to get in.”
“Send her my way,” Tess gathered up the papers in front of the chair on the other side of her desk to make space, “Sound like they had breakfast?”
Lucita shook her head, “You know how Anna is. I gave her girl a couple granola bars.”
Tess waved a hand to let her know she’d heard as she rummaged through her desk. She’d started keeping boxes of instant oatmeal and mini cereal packages for them. There were a few apples she’d put in at the end of the last week, and a juice box she’d stolen from Charlie’s stash. If she had it her way they’d go down to the cafeteria for a proper breakfast, but Anna was skittish, quick to shut down in the face of what she deemed charity. She was a newer hire, the same age Tess had been when she’d Charlie and it tugged at something in her chest to see how young Anna was, to see how young Tess had been.
Ellie marched into Tess’ office with the confidence of a general going to war. Her backpack was big enough to dangle down to the back of her knees. The striped long sleeve she wore was fraying at the elbows and the knees of her jeans had been patched over with colorful fabric and messy stitches. Her hair was meticulously braided out of her face, the ends decorated with blue ribbons. She dropped her bag on the floor and hauled herself onto the desk chair, sitting on her knees to stare at Tess. Anna followed behind her, shoulders bunched up to her ears. The bags under her eyes were as dark as bruises, and her hair was already slipping out of its ponytail to curl against her cheeks. Tess offered her a soft smile as Ellie began pulling things out of her bag.
“I’m sorry about this,” Anna said. She crouched to help Ellie get a coloring book out, her gaze sliding away from Tess’ as fast as possible.
Tess waved her off, “Don’t worry about it. I need my awesome helper to make sure I get everything done.”
“I’m the goodest helper,” Ellie informed Anna, “I do the numbers.”
“Best numbers on this side of Boston,” Tess said.
Ellie wiggled with glee at the compliment, her chipmunk cheeks dimpling as she grinned.
“I’ll be back on my break,” Anna promised as she pressed a kiss to the top of Ellie’s head.
“Oh, before I forget,” Tess kept her expression carefully neutral as she pulled an apple from her bag. She held it out to Anna, “My partner forgot these make my mouth itch. Would you mind having it?”
She didn’t dare to move as she watched the war going on behind Anna’s eyes. Her fingers were balled into her fists as if to keep her from grabbing it out of instinct. Finally her eyebrows scrunched into resignation as she took it with a wary look.
“He seems to forget a lot,” She eyed Tess, even as she cradled the apple between both hands like it was a delicate newborn.
Tess gave a lighthearted eye roll, “Men.”
Anna’s face relaxed into a smile that made her look terrifyingly young, like she was thrilled to be in on a joke, “Men.”
“I get a snack?” Ellie asked.
“You want the apple, Ellie-Bellie?” Anna rubbed it on the edge of her scrubs before holding it out.
Ellie glared at it from the corner of her eyes with her lips twisted into a pout, “That’s a yuck, Mommy.”
“I was gonna make myself some oatmeal, how about that?” Tess interjected as Anna’s face crumbled into a disappointed look.
“That sound good, Munch?” Anna smoothed loose hairs away from Ellie’s face with gentle hands. Her fingernails were bitten bloody and the skin around her knuckles was cracked. Ellie nodded as she turned her attention to dumping out her crayons on the desk. She stooped to kiss the top of her head, “I’ll be right downstairs.”
“Bye-bye, Mommy,” Ellie looked up from her coloring book and flashed a bright smile at Anna.
“I love you,” She stroked a hand over her head.
Tess offered a commiserating smile as Ellie tossed a distracted wave over her shoulder, already grabbing for the calculator left out for her. Anna returned it halfheartedly before slipping out of the office.
“Dino eggs or blueberry?” Tess opened the desk drawer she kept stocked with food.
“Dodor, please,” Ellie slid off her chair to follow Tess down the hallway.
Tess held out one of the paper packages to her, “You wanna carry it?”
She grabbed it from Tess and cradled it close to her chest, looking just like Anna had minutes before. The hallway was quiet, and the breakroom at the end was deserted this early in the morning. There was a feeling of nostalgia that came with having a kid trailing along beside her. Charlie had to stoop to hug her now, but there was a time when he was as small as Ellie, not quite up to her hip and still convinced his mom held the world in her hands.
“What did you do this weekend?” Tess asked as she pulled a chair up the counter.
Ellie scrambled onto it and stood at the counter, carefully watching as Tess filled the kettle, “I got my three.”
“You turned three?” She gave an exaggerated gasp, “I thought you looked taller.”
Ellie peered at her from under her lashes, face cracking into a shy smile, “Mommy measured me on the wall.”
“She did? How much taller were you?” Tess pulled one of the plastic kids bowls from the cupboard. Tiny cutlery and little plastic cups had migrated from people’s cabinets as Ellie charmed her way through the staff.
Ellie stretched her arms wide, “This much. And now my two is all gone. It got eated up like a big snack.”
“That’s pretty exciting,” Tess emptied the oatmeal packet she handed over into the green bowl, “Did Mommy sing you the birthday song?”
She was careful to avoid questions about presents and celebrations with Ellie. She remembered the mortification of Charlie asking why other kids got cake and he didn’t. It was terrifying how little she could do for Anna, but she could do this, she could spare her the guilt that still pressed into the air Tess breathed.
“Uh-huh, and I got new pajamas. Mommy let me pick out the patches and I got nonaut ones,” Ellie beamed up at her, wiggling on the spot with her joy.
“Astronaut ones?” She asked as she poured the hot water over Ellie’s oatmeal. She nodded as she leaned close to the oatmeal, “Careful, it’s hot.”
With Ellie entertained watching the white eggs hatch into brightly coloured dinosaurs, Tess had time to start the coffee maker. The machine whirred as it coughed out a pitiful stream of coffee. It was on its last leg of life and Tess was crossing her fingers it would make it to the end of the year. When the machine was done with its asthma attack, Tess poured her mug of coffee and added enough cream to make Joel roll his eyes. Yankee behavior, he called it.
“Are your eggs all hatched?” Tess dug a spoon out of the drawer and handed it over to Ellie.
“All hatched,” Ellie slid down from her chair and followed her over to the table with her spoon gripped in her chubby fist. Tess set the bowl in front of her and sat down on the other side of the table. It had become a comforting routine, sipping her coffee and watching Ellie cheep at her baby dinos over the rim of her mug.
They sat in silence until Ellie looked up from her bowl with oatmeal dribbling down her chin. Her brow was furrowed into a look of intense concentration, “You’re good at secrets?”
“Depends on the secret,” Tess raised an eyebrow at her, “If the secret is hurting you or someone else then it’s a bad secret, and I don’t keep bad secrets.”
“I’ll tell the secret, and you say if it’s bad, ka-peach?”
“Kapeesh.”
“Apples isn’t a yuck,” Ellie admitted with a guilty frown, “I say it’s a yuck and Mommy eats it.”
And Jesus, wasn’t that a thing to hear coming out of a little kid’s mouth. Tess forced herself to keep her face carefully neutral, even as a painful lump formed in her throat. Charlie had done it too, turned his nose up at food right when the hunger would start gnawing at her insides too hard to think. The guilt at eating her child’s food had been paired with the guilt of watching his shoulders relax with every bite she took.
“Is that a bad secret?” Ellie carefully studied her face, a hint of desperation behind her eyes.
“No, honey, that’s not a bad secret,” Tess reached a hand across the table to cup one of her cheeks. She leaned into it like a cat soaking up sunlight, “Why not share it with Mommy?”
“She gets the shakes and I never get the shakes ‘cause Mommy’s more hungry than me.”
She stroked her thumb over the curve of Ellie’s cheek, “You don’t have to take care of your Mommy, sweet girl, that’s a grown-up job.”
“I do it really good,” Ellie insisted, puffing up a little, “Me and Mommy is a team.”
There were no words she could say that would be enough. So Tess drank her coffee while Ellie chattered, and when she’d scraped her bowl clean Tess made her the other package of oatmeal without a word.
It had become oddly comforting to have Ellie “working” across from her. Her chattering had replaced the classical station that had droned in the background before. The edges of Tess’ paperwork were covered in colorful scribbles and the blank wall above her desk was growing its own collection of drawings. Often, when she glanced away from her computer she found Ellie carefully copying her movements. It was wildly endearing.
Ellie started to droop around 11, her blinks getting longer and longer. Her crayon slowed to a stop until it was barely held up by slack fingers, and her cheek was squished to her drawing. Tess swallowed a laugh as she carefully extracted the crayon from her hand. She let out a sleepy grumble before settling again when Tess pressed a gentle hand to her back.
There was a blanket and pillow that she’d dug out of the linen closet the first time Ellie had fallen asleep and Tess had only had a jacket to drape over her. Lauren’s parents ran a dayhome, and she’d brought in a mat that they kept stored under Tess’ desk. Then Mason had sheepishly handed over a tiny sleeping bag with the tag still attached. Suddenly Ellie had a decent place to nap, and a hell of a lot of people looking out for her.
She was settling Ellie into the sleeping bag, soothing her with mindless comforts that were pure instinct as Ellie mumbled in her sleep, when Anna appeared in the doorway. She was gasping for breath and her face was flushed a deep red. Her hair had fallen out of its ponytail and was going in every direction as if she’d been raking her fingers through it. Her cheeks were damp and there were tears clumping her eyelashes together. Tess’ heart rate ticked up as the first wave of panic clawed its way up her throat. Still, she kept her hands gentle as she tucked the blanket near Ellie’s cheek and smoothed the sleeping bag down around her.
“Let's talk outside,” Tess said as she gently led Anna out the door. With her hand on Anna’s shoulder she could feel how hard she was shaking, sending tremors up Tess’ wrist.
Anna sniffled when they got into the hallway and scrubbed a hand over her eyes, “My dad had a stroke.”
“Oh, sweetheat,” Tess murmured. She pulled her into a hug, and Anna clung to her with shaking hands, “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Anna sobbed. She sounded horrifically young, every bit the terrified kid who’d just lost something that had always seemed stable. “My mom’s already sick and—” The rest of her sentence dissolved into stuttering gasps.
Tess smoothed her hand over Anna’s back in silence. Nothing she said would matter. She let her go easily when Anna stepped back, wiping at her face with her sleeve.
“I’m sorry,” Anna hiccuped.
“You don’t need to be,” She offered her a soft smile, “Let’s get you a glass of water, and then we’ll make a plan.”
Anna accepted the glass of water with shaking hands. She curled over the table with quiet hiccups. Tess silently pushed a granola bar towards her and sat down. For all that Joel teased her about never being able to stop talking, she had learned how to wait out the uncomfortable silences.
Anna fidgeted with her sleeve before looking up from under her curtain of hair, “He lives in Phoenix. I have shifts this week and Ellie—” She hiccuped and ducked her face to hide her tears.
“Because it’s a family member experiencing a medical emergency you’ll qualify for emergency leave,” Tess soothed, “Lucita will get your shifts covered, don’t worry about that. How are you getting down there?”
“My uncle is buying me a plane ticket, but Mom won’t even look at Ellie,” Anna admitted, “And I can’t afford a sitter for a few hours, never mind a week.”
“We’ll take her,” Tess blurted before she had time to think it through. The relief that washed over her face was enough to solidify her decision, “Only if you’re comfortable with it, I’ve got a partner and two adult kids. I know you haven’t met—”
“Why?” Anna interrupted. She stared at her fingers as she picked at the edge of her nails.
“Pardon?”
“Why do this?”
Tess sighed and dragged a hand through her hair, “I had my son when I was a little younger than you are you know, and when I was barely surviving I had someone step in for me. It made my life a little better, so let me pay it forward.”
“Did your kid turn out okay?” Anna asked. Her gaze was piercing, peeling away at Tess’ skin until she could draw out the truth. There was desperation there too, the hope that all the little mistakes wouldn’t mess up her kid.
“He starts university tomorrow,” She forced herself to offer a nonchalant shrug, “I might be biased, but I’d say he’s a good kid.”
“Your partner won’t mind?” Anna raised her nails to her mouth.
She reached across the table to squeeze the hand still resting by her untouched glass of water, “It’s not a problem. Joel’s been hoarding toys for years, the sentimental bastard. Ellie’ll stay at the best toddler hotel around.”
“Thank you,” Anna breathed as tears bunched on her lashes, “I just—Thank you.”
“Mommy?” Ellie hovered in the doorway. The leg of her jeans was bunched around one knee, and she’d lost both runners. Her hair had slipped loose from her braids, floating around her head in a halo of frizz.
“Hey, Ellie-Bellie,” Anna scrubbed a hand over her face and plastered on a smile that barely reached her eyes. It wrinkled the bags hanging underneath them, “Have a good nap?”
“You got the sads?” Ellie wiped her nose on her sleeve before hooking a hand in Anna’s shirt to pull herself up.
“Mommy got some sad news,” Anna smoothed stray hairs out of her face.
Tess quietly excused herself, slipping into the hallway and leaving the two of them in the breakroom. The last thing she saw was Ellie carefully cradling Anna’s face in tiny hands.
Charlie was sprawled across the couch when she came through the front door. His pajama pants were too short, leaving his pale ankles exposed. His feet were tossed over the arm of the couch, his arm draped over his eyes. The xbox controller was loosely gripped in the hand dangling onto the floor. The TV still droned, his character in a green elf hat waiting on screen, purple shield strapped to his back. His glasses rested on the coffee table. Tess quietly set her shoes to the side before making her way into the living room. Charlie mumbled as she slipped the controller out of his hand, before rolling over with a huff. She smoothed a hand through his mop of blond hair with a soft smile. For a split second she was crouched over a toddler, carefully extracting trucks from sticky fingers. Then it was gone, replaced by her baby faced teenager who barely counted as one anymore.
“He’s been out for like an hour,” Sarah said from the doorway to the kitchen. Her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows, and the front was decorated with flour. The frown tugging at the edges of her lips was disgruntled, “Tomorrow's gonna suck for him.”
Tess’ knees popped as she straightened, “What are you baking?”
“Red velvet cupcakes, and Charlie was supposed to pick up cream cheese for the icing but—” She waved a hand to the couch with a huff.
“I’ll go pick it up for you after dinner,” She pulled Sarah into a one armed hug and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. Despite her best efforts, Sarah still fell an inch shorter than Tess and for all her teasing, Tess enjoyed having that last reminder of her childhood. “What’d Dad make for supper?”
“Pasta and salad with his fancy dressing,” Sarah ducked out from under her arm to turn off the stand mixer still whirring on the counter.
Tess moved around her to pull plates from the cupboard. There was sauce still simmering on the stove and she clicked the heat off. The salad was already on the table, and the spaghetti had been drained. All signs pointed to Joel having disappeared in the middle of finishing dinner. She turned towards the table and had to do a double take. There was a bright blue booster seat on one of the kitchen chairs. It was decorated with little grey elephants, and had been scrubbed clean. She’d been storing it in the garage, unable to part with it.
“Dad said we’re running a bed and breakfast now,” Sarah said, “Like for babies.”
Tess shook herself, trying to clear the fog of nostalgia, “Her name is Ellie. One of the nurses at work needs somewhere for her to stay, just for the week.”
“Why?”
“Her dad had a stroke.”
“Oh, that sucks,” Sarah mumbled. There was the clank of a cupcake tin being dug out of the drawer, “Is she like a baby baby or does Dad just think that ‘cause he’s old?”
“She’s the same age as the Weaver’s boy,” She gathered up a stack of papers at Charlie’s spot and dropped them onto the stool that had become his designated dumping ground.
Sarah wrinkled her nose as she set the pasta on the table, “She’d better be potty trained. Toby’s peed on me twice, and you’re gonna have to pay a lot more than my usual rate for me to deal with that.”
“Ellie’s potty trained,” Tess promised, “You’ll like her.”
“It’s like I’m gonna have a baby sister for a week,” She flashed a smile that was all Joel, right down to the creases that formed in the corner of her eyes, and the wrinkle on her nose.
It was genuine glee and excitement, enough that it shocked Tess. She’d been expecting some interest, maybe a touch of skepticism, but Sarah looked like her dreams were coming true. She and Joel had decided a few years into dating that they didn’t want anymore kids, that they were happy how they were. Their hands had been full with just two, regardless of how old they got. It had never occurred to her that Sarah, as protective of her Dad as they came, would have any interest in sharing with another child.
“You’re giving me a weird look,” Sarah said.
“I didn’t think you’d be so excited,” Tess admitted as she finished setting down plates.
“I didn’t spend an hour cleaning dust off that booster seat just for fun,” She grunted, “Besides, anything’s better than Charlie.”
“Hey!” Came the offended shout from the living room, “She probably won’t like being bossed around by you, either.”
“I wouldn’t have to boss you around if you just did what you were supposed to,” Sarah shot back.
“Where’d Dad disappear to?” Tess asked before she could get stuck in the middle of an argument.
“Upstairs,” Sarah said at the same time Charlie yelled, “He ran away from Sarah’s bossy ass.”
Tess raised an eyebrow at Charlie as she passed through the living room. The TV had been switched off and he’d flipped a book open. She jerked her chin towards the kitchen when she caught his eye, “Finish setting the table.”
The bickering from the kitchen followed her up the stairs. The door to Charlie’s old bedroom was open, and light spilled into the hallway from it. Joel was hunched over a low bed she’d never seen before. The frame was dark wood, and it had been made up with fresh sheets. There was even a little dinosaur stuffy sitting by the pillow. Joel grumbled to himself as he pinned the bed rail to the frame while he fumbled with the screwdriver. The drawer that had fallen out of the dresser had been replaced. Scuffs on the walls and patches that had been peeled away by tape had been covered with a paint touch up. The window was open to air out the thick smell of paint, freshly washed curtains shifting in the breeze. The green rocking chair had migrated up from the basement, along with a nightstand and a pile of old books. It was still barren, the walls empty, the floor cold wood, but it was wildly better than it had been when she’d called Joel that afternoon. She was hopelessly in love with him.
“You’re such a softie,” Tess said.
Joel jumped, his grip on the bed rail slipping. There was the clink of screws hitting the ground before the whole thing pitched forward, directly into his face. He whipped around with a red spot blooming on his forehead, “Didn’t hear you come up. Scared the shit out of me.”
“Getting old, are we?” She stooped to grab a screw that had rolled to a stop at her feet. She dropped it into his waiting hand and knelt to hold the bed rail in place, “Where the hell did you get a new bed?”
Come to mention it, she didn’t recognize the bedding either. It was dark blue and the cartoon dinosaurs on it wore space helmets and bounced between meteors. Joel glanced up from where he was securing the rail to offer her a sheepish smile. “Andres’ daughter just outgrew it. Told him I’d drop it off at his cousin’s for him if he let me borrow it first.”
Tess jerked her chin at the bedding.
“Hell kinda kid doesn’t like astronaut dinosaurs?” He turned back to the screws in his hand with a pensive look, “‘Sides, didn’t like the thought of putting a little kid to bed in a shit room.”
They were quiet as he finished securing the rail. The sound of the occasional car cruising by could be heard, followed by the scrape of a hockey net being dragged out of the road by the kids further down the block. Tess could still remember putting together the toddler bed she’d found for Charlie. She’d gotten it for 10 bucks at a yard sale. It had been bright red, and the sides were painted to look like a race car. She’d spent so many nights squished beside him on that thing, holding out for the day she could sleep in her own bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d sat at the foot of Charlie’s bed, let alone laid down with him.
“First time we’ve been outnumbered,” Joel said as he set his screwdriver back in his toolkit.
Tess grabbed the hand he offered to pull her up, “Think we’ll manage?”
“Can always tie ‘em up in the backyard if we need to. Chuck a slab of meat out for the feral, little pests,” He dusted his hands on his pants, “We’d keep Ellie inside, though. She sounds like a delight.”
“Maybe we should put you in a home,” Charlie grunted from the doorway.
“Then who would teach you to change the oil on your first car?” Joel asked.
“Mom.”
Tess raised her hands in surrender, “I haven’t touched my oil since we started dating. You’re on your own, bug.”
“Uncle Tommy, then,” Charlie looked around the room, “I have some art supplies leftover from working at the Y. Do you think Ellie’d want those?”
“That’d be great, kiddo,” Joel said, “I thought we could bring that little kids table up from under the stairs. Hurts my back to get in there.”
“I’ll grab it,” He was halfway out the door before he skidded to a stop, “Sarah says dinner is on the table.”
“Tell her we'll be down in a minute,” Tess said.
He shot them a thumbs up with a dorky smile. The floor rattled as he thundered down the stairs.
“Thank you for getting all this set up,” Tess draped her arms around Joel’s shoulders. His hands settled on her waist as she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Probably have to learn to change your own oil,” Joel teased, “And how to take the dryer filter out.”
“Sounds like I’d better hold onto you,” It was the closest she’d come to bringing up marriage. There’d never been time to think about it before, never had the money for a big event when they had two kids to get through university. Now, with enough funds to ensure their kids got through at least four years, it had wiggled its way into the back of her mind. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to ask.
Joel caught her lips in another kiss, not quite heated but toeing the line of what they could get away with two vocal teenagers in the house, “I’d say I’m mighty inclined towards the idea.”
“I swear to God, we’ll eat without you,” Sarah yelled up the stairs, “And I’m not kidding.”
Tess stepped back with a soft laugh, “She’s got your charm.”
“Best not keep her waiting,” Joel jerked his chin towards the door, “After you.”
She glanced back over her shoulder as she left the room. With the lights flicked off there was something almost ghostly about the room, the curtains gently moving, the tiny bed, and board books. What was, and what could’ve been.
There was a faint glow from the street lights pressing against the bedroom window. A car rolling by lit up the room in a gliding light. Tess caught the edge of Joel’s shadow slipping out of the bathroom before they were plunged back into darkness. The clock on his bedside table glowed red with numbers she couldn’t make out. She squinted at Joel’s looming form moving through the room. Tess rolled onto her side to watch him tug on a pair of jeans. The clink of his belt echoed in the stillness.
“Time is it?” She grunted.
Joel jumped. It set him off balance and he stumbled into the dresser. A book slid off it to land with a dull thunk at his feet, “Jesus fuck.”
“What are you doing?” She propped herself up on her elbows to watch him bend to scoop up the book. He was wearing the jeans that made his ass unreasonably grabable.
“Don’t worry about it,” He grunted, “‘S still early.”
In the dim light Tess could make out the soft down turn of his lips and the crease between his eyebrows. The wrinkles around his eyes were decidedly guilty.
“Joel.”
He ran a hand through his hair with a sheepish smile. He’d always been terrible at denying her anything, “Charlie asked for pancakes.”
Tess rolled her eyes at him with a fond smile, “You spoil them.”
“Nothing wrong with a little spoiling,” He grumbled. The closet door squeaked as he opened it. He tugged out one of the flannels that were slowly migrating onto her side, “It’s a big day, need a good breakfast to start it right.”
“And a good lunch, too? Or were the ribs I saw marinating in the fridge for something else?”
Joel playfully swatted at her feet as he shrugged on his flannel, “Can’t be spoiling one kid and not the other.”
“You’ve got a menu I can order from?” She teased, “Because I wouldn’t mind a coffee.”
“Your coffee is a crime,” He grumbled, though they both knew that when she came downstairs there would be a mug waiting for her with honey, sugar, and cream. The same way that they both knew that no matter how much she complained about it, Tess would always leave the 60s channel on, even when he offered to let her change it. He perched on the edge of the bed, one hand resting on her shin, “You hear from Anna?”
“She managed to get a flight out at noon, but she didn’t say what time she’d be by with Ellie,” Tess propped herself up on the headboard, “You’re sure you’re alright taking this week off? She can keep coming into work with me.”
“Emanuel’s got it handled. He’s got that new baby coming and he’s itching for the extra pay. Just about shoved me out the door when I told him I was taking time off,” He squeezed her knee.
Tess ran a hand through her hair, “She might not want to be alone with a stranger. Could be a waste of a week off.”
“Sarah’s been pestering me to get her desk repainted, those new bookshelves need to be put together, Bill’s ready to fix his porch himself if I don’t take—”
She held a hand up to stop him. She ignored the cheeky smile decorating his face, “Point taken.”
“We’re a team, Detroit,” He leaned forward to catch her lips in a soft kiss. Peppermint still clung to his lips and he smelled of after shave, “You and me. ‘Sides, we both know you ain’t so good with the wet clean ups.”
“I don’t mind it when it’s my own kid,” Tess said.
There was the creak of Sarah’s door opening, followed by the bathroom door closing and the shower squealing on.
“Better get a move on,” Tess teased, “Might have some unhappy customers soon. Don’t want Joel’s diner to go out of business.”
He grunted as he stood up, “See if I make your coffee now.”
Tess only waved him off with a dismissive wave. He grumbled under his breath as he left the room. When she came downstairs, with her hair still damp from the shower, there was a steaming mug waiting for her on the table.
Charlie was curled over a half eaten plate of pancakes. His eyes were barely open as he poured syrup overtop. There were fingerprint shaped smudges on his glasses. His shirt was rumpled and inside out. Tess smoothed down the hairs sticking straight out before pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
“Good morning, bug,” She pushed his cup of milk away from where it teetered near the edge of the table, “Happy first day of school.”
Charlie only grunted around a mouthful of pancakes.
Joel was at the stove, scraping the last of the batter from the bowl onto the pan. There was a tray of steaming pancakes beside him. Three lunchboxes waited on the counter. She kissed his cheek as she passed him to grab a plate from the drying rack.
“You find your blasphemy in a mug?” He asked.
“Must have some Yankee in you, Tex,” She teased, “You always make my coffee just right.”
The scowl he threw over his shoulder at her would’ve put her six feet under if she was anyone else. She saddled up the stove, examining the tray of pancakes.
“Chocolate chip on the left, blueberry on the right,” Joel waved the spatula at them, “Only made a couple chocolate for Sarah.”
Tess hummed as she plucked up a few of the blueberry ones, “I haven’t seen her yet.”
“She’s pissed as hell at Charlie,” Joel murmured. She glanced over her shoulder to where Charlie had his eyes completely shut, and had stopped chewing, before turning back to him with a raised eyebrow, “He didn’t go to the orientation.”
“It was during my summer!” Charlie protested. Clearly he hadn’t been as asleep as she’d thought.
“I understand that you were on your break, but you should have told us before so you could go find your buildings last night, instead of this morning,” Joel said without turning around, “Expecting Sarah to make time today to show you where all your classes are on top of her own is unfair.”
“I didn’t expect her to lead me around,” Charlie mumbled into his pancakes, “I just thought she’d have a map, or something.”
Joel rolled his eyes at her with a commiserating look.
“Well, you’d better get your stuff together,” Tess said as she set her plate across from him at the table, “I’ll drop you off once I’m done eating.”
“What?” Charlie flicked his eyes between her and Joel’s back, “But I don’t start class until 9:30.”
“Plenty of time to find your classes.”
He was smart enough to grumble into his plate, too low for Tess to make out the words.
The stairs creaked as Sarah came down them. She blew into the kitchen with her backpack over one shoulder and an annoyed look on her face. She held a folded up map in her hand. Her nails matched the long skirt that swished as she walked.
“You look very nice, Sarah,” Tess said.
“Thanks,” She said without taking her eyes off Charlie.
“Why’s Tess allowed to say you look nice, but I ain’t?” Joel grumbled as he set the tray of pancakes on the table.
Sarah waved a hand in his direction, “You’ve been wearing the same jeans since before I was born. Tess has style.”
Tess muffled a snort behind the rim of her mug at Joel’s scowl.
Charlie finally registered Sarah’s eyes drilling a hole into the side of his head and looked up. His face brightened at the map in her hands, “Am I borrowing that?”
“If I give you this, you do my laundry for two weeks,” She said.
“What?” Charlie snapped his head towards Tess, “That’s not fair. It’s just a map.”
She raised her mug to her lips with a shrug. Charlie wrinkled his nose into a frown.
“It’s my map that I was going to use. Take it or leave it,” Sarah held out the hand not holding the map.
Charlie scowled as he shook it, “Fine.”
Sarah handed over the map with a sunny smile before dropping down beside him.
“I think you’re in the wrong faculty, Sarah,” Charlie snarked around a mouthful of pancake, though most of the heat was lost to the syrup dribbling down his chin, “You should become a lawyer, since you’re such a shark.”
Sarah barely blinked as she dropped chocolate chip pancakes onto her plate, “I’m telling Maria you said that.”
“No, don’t. I take it back.”
“Too late,” Sarah sang.
“Always a pleasure having breakfast with the two of you,” Joel muttered as he sat down.
“You’d be bored without us,” Sarah snatched the syrup away from him before he could reach it.
Charlie nodded, glasses slipping down his nose, “So bored. Might have to start doing cross stitch.”
Simple as that they were back to being accomplices. It was rare for them to properly argue, let alone fight. Sarah was too good natured to hold a grudge for long, and Charlie was fiercely loyal to her. After a string of rough patches when she and Joel had first introduced the two, they’d settled in as naturally as Joel and Tommy. It had never occurred to her that either of them would want that to change.
The doorbell ringing snapped her out of her thoughts.
“I’ve got it,” Tess set her mug on the table and stood up.
Shoes had exploded across the entryway. She kicked them aside to get the door open. Anna stood on the doorstep looking uncomfortable. Her jacket was zipped up to her chin and her hair was loose around her face. Her eyes were bloodshot alongside the bags she’d come to know as normal. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a month. Ellie was perched on her hip in a bulky, yellow jacket that was fraying at the sleeves. Her thumb was planted in her mouth, and her cheek rested on Anna’s shoulder.
“I’m glad you found us,” Tess held the door open wider, “Come on in. Joel just made pancakes, if you want to grab some, Anna.”
She shook her head as she stepped inside, “I’m not hungry.”
“Let me send some with you, we have more than enough,” Tess said. Ellie peered at Tess from where her face was partially hidden behind Anna’s hair. Her cheeks were pink from the cold. She crouched so she was at eye level, “How’s Ms. Ellie today?”
Ellie silently twisted her face away, clinging to Anna with her free arm. Anna frowned as she gently bounced her, “We had a bad night.”
She felt Joel’s hand settle onto the small of her back as he appeared beside her. He flashed a smile that was all southern charm, “I’m Joel.”
“Hi,” Anna mumbled.
“Can I take something for you?” He asked, “There’s fresh coffee brewing if you want to come in for breakfast.”
“My cab’s waiting,” She jerked her chin towards the yellow cab idling at the end of the driveway.
“I’ll pack you something up, then,” Joel disappeared back towards the kitchen before she could protest.
“Come on, Ellie, I gotta go,” Anna murmured. Ellie shook her head and clung harder.
“Joel made too many pancakes,” Tess said, “And I could really use a helper to eat them all.”
Ellie poked her face out enough to turn a suspicious eye in Tess’ direction, “Nana pancakes?”
“I bet he’d love to make some banana pancakes.”
She stayed silent as Ellie’s face twisted into a frown as she thought. Her fist, with the thumb still out, settled at her collar.
“Mommy’s going?” She pulled her face away from Anna’s shoulder enough to stare up at her face.
The guilt in Anna’s hesitant smile nearly sent her to her knees, “Just for a little.”
“How little?”
“I don’t know yet, Bellie,” She admitted, “But I’ll call you every day. Is that okay?”
“That’s okay,” Ellie pressed a kiss to Anna’s cheek as she was set down.
Anna slung her backpack off her shoulder. It was black, peeling apart at the seams. One strap was held on with duct tape, and a hole in the front had been stitched shut with red thread. Tess turned towards the windows looking out onto the street, pretending she couldn’t see how Anna’s hands shook as she unzipped Ellie’s jacket. If Ellie was confused about her boots being taken off for her she didn’t say anything.
Joel came back into the entry with a container of pancakes as Anna was standing up from her crouch. He held them out to her with a soft smile.
“I’ll trade you,” He jerked his chin at the jacket she was still holding.
Anna was slow to hand it over, worrying the fabric for a moment before unpeeling her fingers to pass it off. She cradled the container close to her chest, “I should get going.”
“See you in a little, Mommy,” Ellie wrapped her arms around Anna’s knee, “Last hug.”
“You’re gonna be okay,” Anna stroked her hand over Ellie’s hair.
“‘Cause I’m a big girl,” She gave her a smile that only wavered a little.
Anna took a slow step towards the door. Ellie stood watching her, waving from the open doorway as she went down to the cab.
“I’m going to start some banana pancakes,” Joel murmured in her ear. Tess managed a distracted nod.
Ellie’s bare toes clung to the door frame as she leaned toward the cab, like she was tethered to Anna by an invisible string. Tess crouched down beside her.
“Mommy’s coming back,” She promised.
Ellie nodded without taking her eyes off of Anna’s hunched form getting into the taxi. It was hard to make out through the glare, but she could just barely make out Anna waving back at them. The cab spat out a puff of grey exhaust before it slowly peeled away from the curb. They stood in the open door until it turned the corner.
“Tess?” Ellie whispered.
“Yeah?”
Her lower lip jutted out with a tiny wobble, “I get a hug?”
“Of course, honey,” Tess opened her arms and Ellie tumbled into them. Her cold nose pressed against the side of her neck, and tiny fists gripped the front of her shirt. She rubbed her hand over Ellie’s back the same way she had when Charlie was a colicky baby. It was terrifying how tiny she felt, like she could be squished without anyone noticing.
Ellie pulled back with a sniffle, wiping her nose on her sleeve, “Nana pancakes?”
“Joel’s getting started on them,” Tess said, “Do you want to go wait in the kitchen or should we explore a little?”
Her nose scrunched up as she frowned in thought, “Kitchen?”
“There are two big kids in there, but they’re going to school soon,” Her thighs were starting to burn from crouching down for so long. Jesus, she was getting old.
“Old like you?” Ellie asked, cocking her head like a puppy. It made her pigtails flop to the side like fluffy ears.
“Not quite as old as me,” Tess said.
Ellie wrapped her arms around Tess’ neck, swinging her legs up so she dangled like a baby Koala. She scooped her up easily and settled her on her hip so she didn’t have to cling quite so hard. A head settling on her shoulder, with the faint feel of Ellie’s jaw moving as she sucked her thumb, nearly pushed her into nostalgia. She gently bounced Ellie as they headed for the kitchen with leftover muscle memory. She had the fleeting thought that maybe she wouldn’t mind the toddler stage again.