Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Scott grinned down at Jimmy, "you've always been a toy". Jimmy crossed his arms and glared at him "No! No! Don't your start this too!!" Scott held up a pullstring "then what's this huh?" Jimmy's face paled, "where did you find that!?" "So you know what it is then?"
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"..."
Scott presses Jimmy against the wall, moving his lips in next to his ear. Jimmy begins to sweat.
"youre gonna do what i want. or your little secret"
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"is gonna be shown to the whole server, understand?" Jimmy gulped, Scotts hand pushed his chest harder into the wall. "Yes?" "Good."
Scott grinned, which really, in this situation, shouldn't have been this hot. "Now, I need you to go and make me a cup of london fog, no sugar."
Jimmy did not know what was going on in his brain but all he could think of was that this man knew his tea. "Sure-" Jimmy went and made some london fog, no sugar tea.

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The cat sauntered vaguely down the stairs, heading towards the ray of sun. A vague smell of his favourite dish, lasagne, drifted towards his spot. He tried to get up, only to flop down immediately. Deciding he would instead wait for his food to come. John called out to Garfield "DINNERS READY" and Garfield hopped up with a loud sigh. Making sure his annoyance was known to everyone. His orange stripes gleamed in the suns bright light. Garfield trodded towards the kitchen,
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right as he entered the kitchen and black and orange blur shot past him, it rushed towards his food bowl and started eating his food. Garfield glared at the Tortoiseshell cat that was eating his dinner. "What do you think you're doing!?" The cat glanced up "Oh you must be Garfield the 1st! I'm Garfield the 2nd! Jon adopted me after you died." "...Died? I'm not dead!" Garfield glared at the new cat who was looking at him sympathetically.
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"FUCKING DIE CAT." Garfield pulls out an phosgene-spreading AR-15 Rifle and laughs manically as he shoots the imposter cat 12 times. he stands on his cold, limp and lifeless body triumphantly, deadly weapon in hand. he slicks his fur back using the latest in boy band gel technology, branded with one direction even. he picks the meat from the cats dead body

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...damn. scars not dead.
i mean like wow yay but wtf how has this happened-

I WANTED TO GOSSIP WITH MY TEA BUDDY HOW DIDNT HE DIE-
like, it was kinda boring not reaping his soul. good for him
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Like I would've liked for him to actually show up you know, got to get to those appointments on time?? I waited an extra 5 minutes for my mans and he couldn't even put in the effort of flying into a wall? I sighed as I sipped a cup of earl grey. Very unfortunate indeed. I must make sure to check on Scar often, a duty I must partake as Death. Even though Scar seems to die far more then the other members of the server its fine, I don't mind as long as I get to kn
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ow the gossip of whats been going on. now scar has been playing on the secret life server though and hes been trying to stay alive. I decide to go check on him anyway, following the threads of his first two lives that he lost towards him. Hes hunched over a button in front of a statue, he seems to have been there a long time. he glances up when i approach, "ah death, my old buddy", he seemed tired. "how come you havent left?" i ask him, "i cant" is the sad response i get "i won, it wont let me die" i look at him, at how how tired and injured he is "i can help with that" i reach out my arms, offering him a hug and he gladly falls into it. finally dying to respawn on hermitcraft

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it was a special day on the qsmp cuz new peopel are coming to the island and thalula was espatshly exited as she had herd that a friend of her fathers was coming to the island their name was ranboo and she was exited to meet them
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soon a group of them had gathered, ready to welcome the new people. A tall half-black half-white figure stepped forwards towards Wilbur and Phil, tail swaying nervously due to the crowd of people. "Ranboo!" Wilbur called out, "come say hi to my daughter!" Ranboo walked over to them and crouched down to be as close to Tallulah's height as he could manage. "Hello, I'm Ranboo, it's nice to meet you, what's your name?"
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"My names Tallulah!! I like your name!" "Aww thank you, yours is gorgeous" Tallulah giggled excitedly "Wanna meet my friend? Their names Ramon!" Ranboo looked back slightly panicked only to be meet with the faces of two uncaring parents who just wanted their kid distracted for a few minutes. "Surree? Who's his parent?" "Fit!! He has the coolest stuff!!" Tallulah grabbed his hand and ran excitedly only to stumble off a cliff and die whoopsthe endm oh no what a shame what a horror who couldve predicted this

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Pearl was tired of hanging out in boatem all the time, the stress of her megabuild was really getting to her. Then, Grian gave her the wonderful idea of going to visit their old friend SpongeBob! He wouldn't be coming with her, so the thought did cross her mind that he might just be trying to have a weekend without his younger sister, but she was sureeee that wasn't it. Her and SpongeBob had met at college, and had instantly bonded over their love of water, pineapples and burgers.
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when she met up with spongbob perl emidatly went in for a hug. after they let go of echother they go to mcdonalts to eat burgers as it was closer the the crusty crab and they didn't want to walk to fat on the way there they talked about the good old times of when they were both still in college, spongebob was just talking about the one parnk they did together.
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Pearl laughed, "yeah that was fun. Got any more prank ideas, I need some to pull on Gri." Spongebob gave her a bunch of prank ideas while they had mcdonalds and soon it was time for her to head home, once she got back home she sent a message to grian that only said "good to see my old prank buddy again >:)". grian decided it was his turn to leave boatem for a bit to escape the pranks she had for him.

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Phil stared at the tree. He wondered how the tree had even came into his front yard, it was fenced off after all. He tapped it gently, wondering if someone had tried to prank him by putting a whole ass pine tree in his garden. He circled around the tree, in a crablike pose, trying to intimidate it. "Mate this isn't funny" he said while doing what could only be described as a crab rave. The tree continued to stare him down. Deadbeat on beating this tree Phil grabbed an axe and sliced a small bit of bark, sap oozing out as he licked it off the end of his finger and smiled
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A few weeks later...

Phil had come to an agreement with the tree. It would be his mailbox, and in return they would hook up once a week. Phil wasn't fully comfortable with this... but hey! mailbox! He didn't know what possessed him to lick the sap of the tree that day, maybe it was the ghost of his dead wife possessing the tree, but now his only worry was his kids seeing
seriously, that sap was better than drugs
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after a coupel more hook ups phil toled his kids about the tree and they where very exepting of it.

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Jimmy opened his eyes slowly, blinking before he got up and looked around. He was in a garden that surrounded a large castle. He fell asleep in Tumbletown, where is he now!? How did he get here!? Just then he hears beautiful singing and a woman in a silver princess dress comes around the corner, followed by many animals, birds singing along with her. The singing cuts off as she gasps in surprise at the sight of him there. "Oh my goodness! who are you?" she asks. Jimmy tilts his hat in greeting, "Jimmy, sheriff of Tumbletown, nice to meet you ma'am, though I'm not quite sure how I got here."
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"Oh- Oh that's quite alright my dear sir." She elegantly pranced towards him, as if walking on air. "I am Cinderella!" She leant down and pressed a kiss to the top of Jimmy's hand. "But you can call me Cindy" She winked, clearly trying to flirt. Unfortunately Jimmy is immune to this. "Oh well aren't you just a treasure! Could you direct me to the nearest town? Only I need ta get back ta my village, seeing as I'm the only sheriff around those parts." He grinned up at her happily. "Ah, well why don't you just come on down to my cottage? I can make you some Herbal tea!" She kissed him on the forehead, and stroked her gloved hand across his jawline, tracing scars of a life once lived. "We can even do some cooking!" Jimmy blushed and stuttered "Uh- I- Well you got to understand ma'am with the dearest respect, I really just need to get back to my home-" Cinderella leant down and started stroking her laced hands closer and closer to his chest, before putting her pointer finger on his c
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hest
jimmy flicked through his mental list for potential hook ups- cyan hair... no
guy... no
offers him tea? well yeah.. but herbal tea? really?

he was better than that, but she was still very well dressed... is she a princess??? he couldnt be rude

"m'dam, so sorry, but i am in fact, a wedded homosexual"
jimmy held up his hand to show his ring, but didnt see it
strange, he was fiddling with it only a moment before.
"oh look at that.. no ring. So why dont you come back with me to my house"
"excuse me, i would rather not"

Suddenly, this womans face contorted into that of unspeakable horrors. her eyes turned ebony black, tendrils slithered out of the gaping holes in her face and wrapped themselves around his suddenly bare body. in between haggard, fearful breaths he tried to kick them off, but his flailing movement did nothing to slow her advance. her teeth elongated and he screamed, remember

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"I AM THE NIGHT"
"WHO WHO WHO SPANISH OR VANISH BIACH"
"WHO WHO I AM HOOTY. DIE YOU FUKER LANUAGE GREEN BLOB."

"I"
Batman cannot decide if the owls are fighting or just really agressively fucking, or both, but he will continue his speel.
"YOURE PUSHING THE ADGENDA OF KNOWLEDGE!!! THIS CANNOT STAND!!!"
"devenir plus intelligent!!!
"I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!! BUT FUCK YOU TOO!!! I CANT EVEN READ ENGLISH AND IM JUST FINE"

"AM"

batman recives a death stare from the owls. you enter the room. (dun dun DUNNNNN) (i had too much time) (so now you have to deal with notes) (did you know lettuce is
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green!" Ash springs from the shadows, grinning crazily at their fun fact in the face of two terrifying owls and maybe death. The two owls stare at them and Batman sighs. The owls start to menacingly move (because that owl one definitely isn't walking) towards Ash and Batman takes the opportunity to sneak behind the owls to try and catch them. He pulls out a giant net gun from his toolbelt and shoots it, capturing the owls, right as Duolingo tries to bite Ash, he drags them backwards away from Ash as they try to break free, Hooty biting the net. Batman quickly drags them over to a giant birdcage and locks them in it and they quickly go back to what everyone hopes is fighting. While he does that his sidekick Robin had gone to check on Ash. "Hey are you ok?" he asks.
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"Yes! Infacto munto I am perfectly alright my dear old man. Now let us place these dratty old birdys in the slam. Or we could cook em' up an 'ave 'em for dinna'" Robin stared shocked at this. "Wha- Surely not! Even if they committed horrible crimes I would never kill someone! It's my main rule!" Ash looked mildly disappointed at this. "We could always just dismember them and eat some of them? Leaving them alive but an amputee?" Robin was now inching away. "Look with all due respect I really think you might do well in a mental hospital!" It was Ash's turn to looked shocked. "NOW OLD MAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS? YOU WANNT TO PUT ME? ME!!! IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL, THE AUDACITY TO SIMPLY ASSUME I AM MENTALLY UNWELL IS UNRIVALED, YOU SHOULD NOT SIMPLY THINK THESE THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE. YOU COULD GET CANCELED ON TWITTER FOR EVEN SAYING SOMEONE LOOKS SICK THESE DAYS HONESTLY I CANNOT BELIEVE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME, IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT EVERYBODY ON THE STREET???" the end whhoops ra

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Shrek smiled, simply the image of Prince Charming in his crown was enough to make him blush. Even so Shrek still refused to admit his crush on Prince Charming, for fear of rejection. He daydreamed constantly about Prince Charming pinning him to a wall. But of course with how ugly Shrek was that would probably never even happen. All of a sudden Shrek got a letter, his job application for Prince Charming's handmaiden had been accepted! He packed his things and swung into the couch like Tarzan through the vines.

Prince charmings pov
As soon as shrek walked into the room he could barely believe the size of his muscles, big enough to choke him- NO he means big enough to help him lift things! Yep that's what he meant. Still he couldn't help but i
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magine being pinned to the floor, shrek lying on top of him, with his beefy forearms... and beefer thighs... and those lips... so luscious, he could be suffocated in them. what was he thinking? pulling himself out of his daydream to instruct shrek on his duties. cleaning his clothes, bringing him weed, and making his bed. suddenly, a massively oversized butterfly burst through the wall, shocking prince charming out of his mind
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"Don't worry my prince! I'll save you" Shrek yelled as he leapt in between Prince Charming and the butterfly. Shrek grabbed a sword that had been hung on the wall as decoration and slashed at the butterflies wings, ripping through them. Soon the butterfly was dead and Prince Charming was safe. Prince charming was finally brave enough to admit his crush to Shrek and Shrek kissed him passionately in response. His lips were as luscious as Prince Charming had imagined.

TIMESKIP

TWO YEARS LATER

Shrek groaned at the sound of crying. He rolled over on his and Prince Charming's bed and groaned, getting up to check on their child. It was 5am and soon Prince Charming would be up to prepare for the day anyway so he needed to be ready so that they could spend every minute together until he needed to go attend his princely duties.

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scott walked into his bar at chromia, heading over to the bar and leaning against it. owen flicked one of his ears and silently passed over a drink. scott chugged it and groaned, "we have to relocate the secret market. it got found out". owen, passed over another drink to scott who had faceplanted on the bar. "who by?" "jimmy, and gem. and jimmy started doing his 'im the sheriff you have to obey the laws i make up' thing... also i think gem was stealing from me at the same time".
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"ah, you like. really wanna fuck that man right?"
"YES YOU DONT NEED TO RUB IT IN ANYMORE OWEN"
owen snickers amd passes another drink over the counter.
"follow me scott"
scott follows owen willingly with a confused look on his face. owen presses some seeming random buttons on his coffee machine (when did that get there...) and a hole in the ground of the bar opens up. owen pulls scott into the hole, his hand covering scotts mouth to muffle the screaming. scott braces for impact, but is met with an air pillow. he looks around apprehensively, only to shriek when he sees a red pinboard with... photos of gem. so many photos of gem. red string runs between them.
owen takes his place in the center of the room
"we. are going to kill gem"
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scott coughed out a laugh as he pulled out a small notebook holding his notes on the other emperors. scott read out his small note a smile breaking out on his face as he read all about the different weaknesses of gem, the main details noted being her weakness during the night and alergy to water due to being part bee.

owen began to grin as his smile matched scotts and the two of them left the secret bunkeer to heasd over to gem's base. along the way owen continuously made coments about how he would be able to help scott get his husband back and by back he means just get him a husband.

they arrived at gem's base just as it was becoming night and gem was just about to head to sleep as scott and owen burst through the door and chucked a bottle of water over her face, gem yelled out in pain as she wilted like a sad plant as the bee hybrid in her caused her to die.

'lets go get you your husband!!' owen anounced as they headed to tumble town where scott horibl;y flirted then proposed and got a husband :3

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freminet and ranboo decided to play frantic fanfic for their first date. they had met on an online dating app 3 minutes ago. neither of them were very interested in dating, but lyney signed freminet up, and wilbur thought ranboo needed to get some dick. fortunatly, they lived in seperate universes so ranboo could in fact, not get some dick.

they only decided to start dating because they liked the others gloves. ranboo cannot touch the ocean as he is an enderman, and freminet is now a fish hybrid cause i say so, and they live in like, different realms so its a star crossed lovers thing yknow.
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freminet smiled awkwardly as lyney went on and on talkingn about how pleased he was to see freminet not only making frineds but dating someone too but he didnt find himself all too happy to be in a relationship, for one ranboo was 20 while freminet is still a minor but also they had very little in common.

lyney was dragged away by lynette who apologised knowing frmeinet was in no way interested in ranboo other than his gloves. he dove into the water tears welling up in his eyes as he shoved on the dive helmet.
a small bubble floated by filled with small purple particles, chatter emeinating off of them as they talked about things. one of them began to talk with frmeinet as he realised they were willing to be his friends. they intoduced themselves as ranboo's chat and sudeenly freminet got the urge to break up with him and befriend the chat instead. bad idea maybe but it could mean he can be friends with a bunch of people and make lyney happy. good plan.
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freminet rang ranboo up and broke up with him, but offered to stay as glove buddies with them which he agreed to. freminet then started hanging out with ranboos chat and became friends with them and soon some of them changed from ranboos chat to freminets chat and freminet became a twitch streamer.

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'scott! get you ass over here!' a voice yelled as the blue haired man scrambled towards the trio 'yes heather?' he asked curiously. 'we need corndogs, go get us corn dogs!!' heather chandler yelled agressivly making scott run off with a nod.

as he walked out of the room he was stopped by a dark and brooding extremly atractive man who looked about ready to blow the entire school up. so basicly half the people he knew great. it took scott a moment to regain his composure as the ,an stared down at him. 'you got a name or can i just call you hot?' scott questioned with a grin.

'i wouldnt be aposed to it.' the man replied as heather's voice yelled out once again demaning her food. 'jd, now id recomed you grab those corn dogs before were both murdered by miss entitlment over there' he mused pointing towards the heathers
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"got any poison we could put in these?" scott asked, mostly joking. jd grinned "funny joke, i dont know how you could poison corndogs with out her noticing though.." just then heathers voice cut through their conversation "scott!! im thirsty, get me a drink as well!!" scott rolls his eyes at the demands. jd notices and comes up with a plan. "dont worry i'll sort out the drink" scott sighed, "thank you". "no problem" jd ran off to get heather a drink, while scott brought the heathers their corn dogs. jd soon brought a drink over. heather snatched it and drank it all and soon she started looking sick.
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she kneeled over, clawing at her throght. long slashes run across her neck, left behind by her blood red artifical nails. scott throws a glance over to jd.
"you didnt..."
he raises an eyebrow in reply.
scott smirks, takes a step towards jd, they hold hands and watch the show. heather and heather croud around chandler, watching her knees shake and buckle, eyes widen comedicly, face turn red, then purple, then a sickly blue. she tips over, falls to the ground and lays limp on the ground
scott pulls out a gun and shoots the other heathers. scott/jd.