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Virgil hadn’t so much as managed to greet Gordon before his younger brother had already stormed passed him, making a bee line for the bedrooms upstairs.
Virgil blinked, turning and watching as Scott sank into one of the chairs, still in his uniform from his shared rescue with Gordon. When Scott noticed that Virgil was looking at him, he threw up his hands in frustration.
“Want me to deal with it?” Virgil offered.
“Please do.” Scott huffed. “He’s been a pain in my ass all day.”
“That can be Gordon’s specialty. Anything in particular I should know about?”
“Just that the little shit didn’t listen to a word I said the entire rescue and he kept doing stupid stunts that could have gotten him killed. I swear, I would have sent him home already if I hadn’t needed to keep my Thunderbird with me and it wasn’t like you could have picked him up.”
Virgil went to his brother and made a show of patting him on the shoulder.
“Get some rest, captain my captain, I’ll handle the Gordonator.”
Scott gave him a withering look and Virgil grinned, nudging Scott until Scott’s glare failed and his lip twitched up in an attempt at a smile.
When Scott was calmer, Virgil going so far as to make him a tea, Virgil climbed up the stairs towards the row of bedrooms. He hoped that Gordon had had enough time to decompress a little, though Virgil knew Gordon often needed company to fully work through whatever was going on in his head.
Virgil knocked, once, twice, but no reply came.
“Gordie?” Virgil said.
There was a sniffle. Virgil opened the door and for a moment, he saw no sign of Gordon amongst all the sea life plushies, dirty clothes and swimming awards. Then he heard a shuddering breath coming from the other side of the bed so Virgil slowly went to it, making sure he made enough noise himself in case his brother hadn’t yet noticed him.
Gordon was sitting on the ground, knees pressed close to his chest and head ducked low into them.
As soon as Virgil knelt next to him, Gordon jolted away as if he hadn’t even realised that Virgil was there. In an instant, Gordon was crying outright, tears streaming down his face.
“Hey hey,” Virgil said gently. “What’s going on?”
“Scott hates me and I don’t know what I did wrong and I always do everything wrong and you’re mad too and-“
“Gords, take it easy. No one’s angry with you.”
“But Scott said he was going to throw me out of Thunderbird One.” Gordon whimpered.
Virgil blinked. He readjusted so that he was fully sitting down and Gordon flinched again, his breath catching.
“He was just kidding.” Virgil said. “He might not be the best at it, but Scott occasionally tries to have a sense of humour.”
Gordon made a miserable sound and Virgil wanted to hug him but he knew in times like this Gordon could be sensitive about touch.
“Can I ask you something, Bud?”
Gordon slowly rose his head from his knees, his lip still wobbling. After a long moment, he nodded.
“When was the last time you got some sleep?”
“See!” Gordon said, eyes flashing in anger. “You are mad! You just want me to piss off and-“
“Gordon.” Virgil interrupted. “I’m not mad, I’m worried. There’s a difference. You seem pretty upset right now and I want to help you feel better.”
“I’m not fucking upset, I’m fine.” Gordon snarled. “Now fuck off.”
Virgil made no move to get up.
Gordon was shaking, trying his best to maintain his scowl, but it dropped into a look of pure misery instead.
“Oh Gordie,” Virgil sighed.
“I messed up.” Gordon said. “Scott told me not to go onto the scaffolding but I thought it was steady and it was far enough away from the water but then he was yelling at me because he was so mad and no matter what I do, it’s never good enough for him. I hate him, Virg, I hate him.”
“No you don’t,” Virgil said. “You’re just exhausted. Is there anything in particular keeping you up?”
Gordon ducked his head down low.
Virgil didn’t badger him, simply getting comfortable to make it clear that he was willing to wait all day if that’s what it took for Gordon to find his words.
“No.” Gordon whispered.
Virgil quirked a brow.
Even after a few minutes of silence, Gordon didn’t offer an actual answer.
“Gordon,” Virgil said. “What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing.” Gordon croaked.
Virgil readjusted, leaning his arm up on the bed and giving Gordon every chance to burrow into him like he used to do when he was a kid. Gordon didn’t so much as breathe let alone move towards him.
Virgil frowned. He put his arm back down beside himself and the tension eased from Gordon’s muscles.
“Oh.” Virgil whispered, realisation hitting him straight in the chest.
“I’m sorry.” Gordon moaned.
“You don’t ever have to apologise,” Virgil said. “Not for this.”
“It’s so fucking stupid.” Gordon said.
“It isn’t.” Virgil said. “It’s completely okay to still struggle with touch sometimes.”
“I hate it.” Gordon said, new tears mixing with the old. “I hate it so much. I just want it to stop, I just want to hug you but it feels like if I did, it’s going to feel like it used to. Like there’s still metal sticking out of me, like my back is still fucking shattered in pieces.”
“You were in agony for two years,” Virgil said gently. “It’s not easy to get passed that.”
“But I should be passed it! This is ridiculous, I’m an aquanaut who saw water today and freaked out!”
“And Scott didn’t realise what was happening.” Virgil said. “He just thought you were being annoying but it was because you were in pain, wasn’t it?”
“It’s not even real pain though, that’s the stupid thing! My fucking brain just makes it all up when it gets bored.”
“It is real pain though, isn’t it?” Virgil said.
“What?”
“It is real pain. Just because there is actually any metal in you or because any of your bones are broken doesn’t mean your psychosomatic pain isn’t genuinely real. It’s caused by the memories instead of any actual injuries but you have those memories because you have been through that pain.”
Gordon curled up tighter into his little ball, hissing when he pulled at wounds that had long since healed.
The aftermath of Gordon’s hydrofoil accident had been horrific. There had almost been more of him that was broken than was okay and no matter what pain management they had attempted, Gordon had been in utter agony for nearly two whole years. Even after his body had healed as much as possible, he had struggled with fully accepting that if someone hugged him or high fived him or touched him in any way at all that it wouldn’t just exacerbate what had once been unbearable pain.
It had been time since then, time during which Gordon had actually managed to get used to touch again though mostly if he was expecting it or had initiated it. If he hadn’t been able to, he would never be able to do the work that International Rescue did. To think that Gordon may be experiencing that residual pain again, or at least the anxiety associated with it, broke Virgil’s heart.
This was his little brother, his little brother who has already been through so much and he was hurting and there was nothing Virgil could do about it.
Gordon scrubbed at his face, giving off a pitiful groan as pain flared again.
“Gordon,” Virgil said.
“Just go away… Please, I just… I want to be alone.”
“Bud, I’m not going to leave you alone. Not like this. Is there anything I can do?”
“No.” Gordon said miserably.
Virgil stretched out again, not to force Gordon to hug him anyway, but to prove that no matter what he was not going to abandon Gordon. Virgil was here to stay, now and forever not just just because they were family or coworkers but because Virgil liked to think that they were friends too.
“I know it doesn’t mean much,” Virgil said. “But you’re safe now. You’re right here, with me, in this room, and you’re safe. There’s no metal. There’s no boat. There’s no water except for your snow globes.”
Gordon gave a wet laugh.
“It’s just us. And your ten thousand Orca’s and dolphins and manatees and,”
Virgil reached out, grabbing a plushie from Gordon’s bed.
“Whatever the hell this thing is.”
“That’s Fred.” Gordon said. “He’s a Coelacanth, they’re actually really cool."
“It’s just us and Fred.” Virgil said, smiling when Gordon’s second laugh was more steady. “The Seal- no - Ceal - Whatever the fuck you said.”
“Coelacanth.” Gordon said. “And I know full well you know how to say it.”
“How dare you say that I’d lie to my little brother about Seal-O-Can’ts.”
Gordon nudged Virgil with his foot and Virgil laughed, trying his best not to notice that Gordon’s breath caught as if it sent a flash of pain through him.
Gordon shuddered a little, taking a steadying breath.
“Point is,” Virgil said. “You’re at home. You’re safe. And while I can’t promise that the pain will ever truly go away, I can promise that I’m never going to leave you and neither is Scott. He might throw you out of Thunderbird One, sure, but he loves you just as much as I do. Alan’s coming back from Five in just, what, twelve-ish hours? And when he does, I’m sure he’ll wanna hang out with his favourite brother.”
“Oh really,” Gordon said. “We’re playing favourite brothers now?”
“Absolutely.” Virgil grinned. “That kid adores you, you know that right?”
Gordon stiffened, looking away.
“What’s going on?” Virgil asked gently. “And none of this 'I’m fine’ bullshit, you know that I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t genuinely care.”
“It’s just… Alan deserves better than me.”
While Virgil was quick to want to correct Gordon, he gave Gordon the chance to explain what he meant by that.
“I yelled at him, just before he went up on Five last week. He tried to hug me and I… I shoved him away. I just, I didn’t want it to hurt. But that look he gave me, fuck, that hurt more than any of this shit ever could.”
Given that Gordon hadn’t brought up his flare up to Scott, Virgil doubted that he had explained it to Alan either. And, given that Alan’s been gone for days by this point, this flare up wasn’t as sudden as Virgil had thought. It may have taken days, but it was now to the point where Gordon was completely breaking down over it and Virgil had not even noticed that anything was wrong.
“I can’t talk for him,” Virgil said. “But I really don’t think Alan’ll be pissed with you. He’s probably worried, or upset, sure but never angry with you.”
“He wasn’t angry.” Gordon’s voice cracked.
His eyes welled with tears once more and Gordon swallowed roughly.
Virgil ached to hug him but the thought of causing Gordon any more pain made him keep his distance.
It was actually Gordon himself who inched towards Virgil. Virgil stayed exactly how he was, letting Gordon be the one to choose what happened because he sure as hell didn’t have much choice about his treatment all those years ago.
Gordon’s breathing picked up when he was still thirty centimetres away from Virgil and for a moment Gordon flinched back, squeezing his eyes shut. Then, his breath was deep and long as if preparing himself for an onslaught of pain.
Gordon leaned up against Virgil’s chest and in an instant instead of flinching away again, he was latching onto Virgil as if his life itself depended on it. Virgil slowly wrapped his arms around Gordon, making sure that at any moment Gordon could pull away but if anything Gordon just pressed in harder against him, giving off a shuddering sob.
“It’s okay,” Virgil mumbled. “You’re safe now. Everything’s okay now, I promise.”
And it was. They had all been through so much; losing their Mum, Gordon’s accident and subsequent pain, their Dad disappearing, the constant tragedy they see at work every single day. But it was okay. The people they rescued would get to go back to their families, something that may never have happened if International Rescue had not been there for them. Gordon may have been seriously injured, but he was alive.
Gordon Tracy had grown into a kind and funny young man who’s grin was brighter than the sun and Virgil for one was so glad to have gotten to know who he had become. Soon enough, even youngest Tracy will find who he was as a person and Virgil is going to be with Alan for every step of the way the same way that he was there for Gordon.
At some point, Gordon’s sobs had lightened to sniffles and soon enough even that had passed too and he rested up against Virgil’s chest while Virgil held him, keeping him safe.
“Virg?” Gordon mumbled.
Virgil hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
“I’ve missed your hugs.” Gordon said tiredly.
“I’ve missed your hugs too.” Virgil said. “I love you, you know that right?”
“Do you love me enough to buy me another Coelacanth?”
“Absolutely not.” Virgil laughed.
They would have to go back downstairs at some point and Gordon will have to apologise to Scott for how he was acting on the rescue; no matter how upset any of them got they could never let it interfere with their job because it could very well affect not only their own but other peoples lives.
Scott would forgive him, of course, because they were family.
But all of that could come later. For now, Virgil was just going to enjoy how it felt to have his little brother nestled up against him like this, completely at ease and without pain, just like it had been when they were kids.