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The first time Min Yoongi meets Park Jimin; there are no fireworks, explosions or anything of the like. Perhaps this is because of the nature of their first meeting; a friend of a friend.
There’s this pub, a five minute walk from the university, which Yoongi usually goes to once a month for a drink. The pub serves the best stirred alcohol in town at a cheap price and it has this huge ass TV screen where it plays live baseball matches – Yoongi’s two favorite things along with music and men.
Namjoon and Hoseok are already there, sitting at their usual spot, two pints in the largest size the bar can offer in front of them and an almost finished plate of fish and chips in between. Yoongi can’t help but snort at what surely is about to come – at least one of them is going to get pissed drunk. Namjoon and Hoseok get crazy when they’re drunk and unwilling to admit, those two are bigger and more than what a guy with Yoongi’s size can handle. And before that happens, Yoongi will leave the pub and let the two hogs walk back to their rooms themselves.
Pretty easy plan if you ask Yoongi. But that premonition flies out the window entirely when Hoseok decides to bring someone new into their little gang.
“Someone will be joining us. Hope you don’t mind, Yoongi-hyung?” Hoseok starts. Hoseok has always been the outgoing and friendly one among the three. So it’s not surprising that he’s the one who usually brings someone new into their little group.
“Sure. I don’t mind. Just as long as the other person isn’t as annoying as you,” Yoongi replies off-handedly as he lights up a cigarette, pocketing the rest in his leather jacket that is two sizes too big on his scrawny frame. Smoking is one of Yoongi’s bad habits he can’t get rid of. And so is his amazing talent on being lazy during all hours of the day.
Hoseok laughs out loud, not the least bit offended. “He’s a brat but he’s a good kid. You’ll like him.” The last one is thrown casually, no underlying tones or insinuations hidden behind them. Perhaps the closest possible expectation is a relationship between a friend and a friend. Neither of them knows how Yoongi will surpass beyond that expectation at some point.
That is the beauty of first meetings – unknowing if it’s just one of those beautifully made mistakes, or those giant multiple coincidences that means nothing or worst/best case scenarios, that person is destined to be in your life for some reason.
The air in the club is getting heavier and cheers evolve all around as the baseball match starts to heat up. He sees Seokjin flits around from table to table and Yoongi can imagine the numerous tips the elder will receive by the end of the night. Yoongi is already in his second stick when LA Dodgers hits the first homerun. His two friends are cheering loudly and so as the whole pub while Yoongi just sits there watching the game quietly, flicking bits of ashes into the ashtray once in a while. Once the match ends, he’ll go home, he decides.
The game has been going on for more than half an hour when Hoseok suddenly jumps from his seat. It startles both Namjoon and Yoongi who are both too engrossed in the game. “Oh, there he is!” Hoseok waves wildly at the general direction of Yoongi’s back with a grin so wide that Yoongi wonders if it hurts. “Jimin-ah! Over here, over here!” People might think that Hoseok is reuniting with his long lost brother judging by how the younger is acting. Yoongi really needs more mature friends.
“Ah, Hobi-hyung!” That voice is certainly unexpected. Yoongi was expecting a deep and boyish tone like that of Hoseok’s or a husky grumble like Namjoon’s. Definitely not soft and gentle like this one. So when the owner of the voice comes into Yoongi’s field of vision, Yoongi sees a face of a boy’s with a body that doesn’t match with his boyish face.
First thought that comes into his mind is: is he old enough to drink?
Too busy staring, Yoongi doesn’t realize the end of his cancer stick burns out and the orange glints trickle down with the ashes landing on his other arm. The pain stings momentarily, barely leaving a mark on his skin. If there’s a way for Yoongi to describe how his first meeting with Jimin goes, it would exactly be that.
Jimin’s eyes scan the people on the table and realize that he doesn’t know anyone except for Hoseok. Noticing the confusion etches on Jimin’s features, Hoseok immediately rises from his stool and introduces all of them. “This big oaf here is Kim Namjoon. Don’t be intimidated by his looks. He’s actually a big puddle of goo on the inside,” the Kim Namjoon pinches Hoseok’s side hard but waves and smiles at Jimin, dimples and all. Jimin smiles back.
“And this is Yoongi-hyung. He’s in his final year,” the Yoongi guy snorts. And somehow in some way. Jimin’s eyes catches the sight of Yoongi’s elegant bony fingers and the thought of how gorgeous they would look around someone else’s throat suddenly crosses his mind. In between them dangles a white cancer stick, the ashes drizzle like a man who cry. Unconsciously, Jimin wrinkles his nose but immediately regrets it after as he meets those twin dark pools outlined by what can only resembled as the eyes of a cat. There is a challenge in those eyes, daring him to confront about his unhealthy addiction.
Jimin’s first impression of Min Yoongi is that he has an exterior like that of a lazy feline but an inner energy of a pouncing panther.
But wait! The pink-haired guy is in his final year? Does that mean he is the oldest? He perceives Yoongi to be the same age as both Namjoon and Hoseok at the most. The notion that Yoongi is younger than Jimin is seemingly more believable right now. “Don’t look so shocked, brat!” Hoseok smacks him upside the head as he sees Jimin’s eyes race back and forth between all of them, not believing. “We all are your hyungs!”
“And guys, this is Park Jimin!” Hoseok puts on a show by draping his arm over Jimin’s shoulder ultimately smothering the younger in his embrace. “He’s a sophomore this year. We’re both in the same major. He’s really good,” Hoseok says proudly while Jimin looks anywhere but them, clearly embarrassed at Hoseok’s show of affection. And he is nothing compared to Hoseok in terms of dancing skills. The elder is an excellent dancer, the main of the show, while Jimin is just slightly above average. He doubts his dancing skills can gain a standing ovation like it did with Hoseok’s during the annual end of year showcase.
Nonetheless, Jimin accepts Hoseok’s praise as a compliment and bows respectfully to them. Hoseok motions for him to the seat next to the reserved Yoongi and attempts to include Jimin in their conversation. Surprisingly, it works - Namjoon is very friendly despite his rough appearance and Yoongi doesn’t talk much (and not because Jimin is there, Jimin is sure of that), occasionally interjects here and there.
By the end of the night, Jimin knows a lot of things about Namjoon and Hoseok that he is not sure he should know about and close to nothing about Yoongi at all. However, he knows the latter is the same major as Namjoon (it’s composition – courtesy of Namjoon) and Yoongi won second place in last year’s showcase for his music piece Tomorrow (courtesy of Hoseok).
Jimin concludes that Min Yoongi is more than what meets the eye.
+
“Why are you following me?” Yoongi grumbles somewhat indignantly as he walks on the cobblestones leading to the nearest bus stop, Yoongi’s Dr. Martin’s clacks in a steady rhythm, as an accompaniment to the dead silence of the night, not bothering to look behind knowing that Jimin is not far back. The world dangerously tilts on Yoongi’s own axis and admits reluctantly that he is, might be, slightly tipsy – ‘A prideful drunk never admits he’s drunk.’
“I’m not!” Jimin huffs somewhat nervously. He truly isn’t. “I told you we live in the same area.” The elder is walking in front of him who doesn’t look the least bit tipsy despite winning a drinking contest of their own moments ago, or perhaps Yoongi is very good at hiding it. Jimin can never tell with this hyung.
Yoongi stops suddenly before turning around, his pink hair rustles as the autumn wind starts to pick up. There is no one else around but Jimin and Yoongi but it is nothing unusual especially since it’s a Monday night. Yoongi stares at him with confusion etch on his face. “You did?” The orange light glares upon them from the streetlights above, tiny speckles of dust flutter around them like fairies and it is so predictable and undoubtedly cliché on how this is going to end for the both of them. Jimin’s ability to speak seems to be taken from him as he is unable to utter a single word. Instead, he chooses to nod. Yoongi’s eyebrows furrowed, trying to recall with a half drunken mind only to come up with nothing, “when?”
There’s something about Yoongi that makes every word coming out between those lips sounded like a command and this fact doesn’t escape Jimin. He also notices back at the pub the way how both Namjoon and Hoseok immediately shut up everytime Yoongi makes a move to speak. It’s not that they both feared Min Yoongi. No, Jimin is certain. It isn’t an act of submission either. The look in their eyes speaks of admiration, respect and genuine affection for the elder.
“Just now when we left the pub. Didn’t you hear me, hyung?” he sighs helplessly.
Yoongi tries to recall but to the death of him, he just can’t seem to remember. By the fifth bottle, Yoongi is already in a state of delirium. Curse Namjoon and his competitiveness. Both Hoseok and Jimin threw the towel early in the game with Jimin the first to conceit. Yoongi should have done the same but his pride being the eldest and having high alcohol tolerance, there is no way he would admit defeat that easily. Thankfully, Seokjin stops them soon enough before nagging them to no end.
“I don’t remember,” he grunts at last before he turns around and walks off lazily. Goodness, he’s so sleepy. Alcohol always makes him drowsy after – be it just a light sip or heavy drinking. But Yoongi loves sleep. He spends more than fifty percent of his time sober asleep anyways. So Yoongi could care any less.
Meanwhile, Jimin keeps a steady pace behind him and maintain the same distance prior between them. Jimin, however, doesn’t feel the least bit sleepy. He’s feeling more awake than he is in his 8am class. And there’s this incessant tugging deep in his gut that he needs to remember this precise moment; the tantalizing swagger of Yoongi’s hips, the outline of his shoulder blades beneath the thin white cotton, the way his pale neck radiates under the moonlight, how soft the hair on his nape appears to be.
So he does – he locks each one of them in a vault in the darkness of his mind, treasuring them like one of his dark secrets.
The bus stand is vacant except for the two of them. Somehow, Yoongi gives the impression on trying to ignore Jimin’s presence entirely. The former doesn’t bother to glance at the latter standing beside him. Resigning to the fact that he’s being ignored, Jimin glimpses at the time and it says 11.30pm, simply the perfect time to catch the last bus.
Silence is engulfing them like a second skin now. None dares to break the silence or offers warmth as the wind gets colder through the night. The emergence of the blaring headlights at the corner of their eyes almost makes the both of them sigh in relief. Almost.
From outside, Yoongi can see there are three passengers on board; a sleeping man, a woman and an old man with a cane. The automatic door opens right in front of them and Yoongi rushes in first. He fails to see the little wed puddle on the steps causing him to nearly slip. Thank goodness for his fast reflexes, he grabs on the handle bar near the door on pure instinct. But what comes more as a surprise is the feel of hands grasping either sides of his hips which can only belong to one other person.
Said person clicks his tongue and chastises him gently, “be careful, hyung.”
Yoongi gulps, seemingly frozen and the bus driver is looking at them both inquisitively. Realizing that he is taking too much time, Yoongi clears his throat nervously and mumbles thanks to the younger in what he hopes is in an indifferent manner before rushing into one of the window seats.
Jimin follows soon after. Yoongi adamantly refuses to look at the younger and prays mentally that Jimin doesn’t notice the blush on his cheeks – the detriment of having a damn fair skin. But it seems that Yoongi worries for nothing as Jimin chooses a seat in the other aisle, three rows behind.
The rush of disappointment Yoongi feels is quite unexpected.
Into the night, Jimin silently observes Yoongi from the back and sees the elder gradually nods off. Yoongi’s head keeps hitting the window and surprisingly the elder doesn’t wake up from the impact. And Jimin can’t help but find this quite endearing.
Finally taking pity on the numerous times Yoongi’s head has hit the window, Jimin moves forward and takes the empty seat next to him. The woman sitting behind Yoongi is probably giving him odd looks. Slowly and gently, Jimin moves Yoongi’s head from the window and lays it on his shoulder. But then Yoongi moves his head away from Jimin’s shoulder and Jimin is scared that he has woken the other up and prepares himself to be told off.
But that doesn’t happen.
Surprisingly, Yoongi’s eyes remain close and he is just making himself more comfortable on Jimin’s shoulder. Seeing this as an opportunity, Jimin takes a close up peek on Yoongi’s soft features. In his sleep, the elder seems completely harmless. Jimin takes in the thick eyelashes fanning two round cheeks, the cute slope of his nose and, Jimin readies himself, those pouty shaped lips in the shade of the lightest garden rose. Jimin takes it back – Yoongi doesn’t look the least bit harmless at all!
But Jimin knows one thing, anyone who looks close to as adorable as Min Yoongi can’t be that bad of a guy after all.
+
“Oh, Yoongi! You’re still here?”
The sun has already set and Yoongi’s lecture mates have already left two hours ago, leaving him alone in the music equipment room. The room is nothing grand. In fact, it used to be a storage room. If Yoongi inhales hard enough, there is still that lingering pungent scent of corroding irons and gasoline. For some perverse reason, Yoongi feels the safest here. It’s his safe haven.
“I thought you went out with the others for a drink?” interrupts a soft voice which belongs to none other than Bang Shihyuk.
Bang Shihyuk is one of Yoongi’s favorite lecturers in the university. The man is known to be firm and strict when it comes to music and the ideology of it but aside from that, he is actually quite approachable, even throwing a joke or two on his good days.
He was there when Yoongi was probably in the worst moment of his life during freshman year. Back then, Yoongi barely crossed the bridge of accepting himself and still borderline hanging on the thread of self-depreciation. And then he stepped in – Bang Shihyuk – like that silver of light behind the darkness at the back of his eyelids. Bang Shihyuk picked him right back up and said ‘Do what you really want to do. But there’s nothing wrong in doing what your head tells you to do as well’. And Yoongi gets it and produced his winning piece Tomorrow.
“No, ssaem. I actually already have a different drinking plan for tonight,” Yoongi answers sheepishly after standing up and bows slightly. Despite people often claims him being aloof, Yoongi actually gets shy easily especially in front of people he truly respects or ones he has deep feelings for.
The man chuckles lightly. “I see. Just make sure to lock the room when you’re out later, alright,” he reminds kindly. The warmth in his tone and the gentleness in his smile spreads throughout the entire room making Yoongi wished that his father could just be more of like that.
Noticing the change in Yoongi’s countenance, Bang Shihyuk gives him a pat on the back as a form of encouragement and leaves after reprimanding him don’t work out yourself too hard, boy.
And Yoongi can only stare at the older’s retreating back in admiration until his back disappears behind the closed door.
+
Yoongi has stop going for one night stands anymore and instead goes to hang out with Hoseok and Namjoon and the new addition to their little group, Jimin. A fact that doesn’t go unnoticed by both Hoseok and Namjoon but both chooses not to pry as it’s definitely a decent change for Yoongi. Even Seokjin looks proud and relieved.
Yoongi has this notion that sticks in his head that people like him – gay – can’t have a normal healthy relationship like those of heterosexuals. He thinks that homosexual relationships are troublesome and the damage caused from them has twice more impact than of normal ones.
Maybe Yoongi is just a coward. Or perhaps he is not. But what’s definite is that he is saving himself from getting the brunt of being hurt.
Either way, Namjoon and Hoseok are glad that Yoongi is taking a break from his usual quickies. Truthfully, they just want to spend more time with Yoongi. For over a year, Yoongi has been distant and they understand that university assignments can get overbearing but when they do have time to hang out, Yoongi more often than not bails out at the last minute. They know that Yoongi is having a hard time with his sexuality and can’t never understand the horror Yoongi is going through as they’re both straight. But they both agree that Yoongi has been wasting himself long enough and the guy deserves to know the feeling of being loved and cherished.
Because that is what people live for.
And they both believe that Yoongi is starting to see this as well with no other reason aside from a certain Park Jimin.
They can only hope that Yoongi doesn’t run away from it.
+
They have been hanging out for a couple of months now and Yoongi is still yet to call Jimin by his name. Brat and Kid seem like to be the better alternatives for he feared that once Jimin’s name uttered between his lips, his heart – or at least the pieces he still has – might explode.
But Jimin isn’t making his brilliant plan any easier. These days Yoongi notices that Jimin is so persistent on Yoongi calling out his name. And Yoongi dodges every single one of Jimin’s attempts successfully and secretly enjoys the look on the latter’s face everytime he fails but he doesn’t know how long will it lasts. It would be a lie if Yoongi doesn’t feel the least bit remorseful. For countless times, Yoongi almost cries out Jimin, Jimin, Jimin… but Yoongi forced it down, painfully lodged in his throat and they came out nothing but as an empty breath.
“Do you even know my name, hyung?” the kid is now currently up on Yoongi’s face, too close for comfort. Yes, Yoongi wants to say. “It’s Jimin, hyung! Ji-Min~” Yoongi stares into Jimin’s eyes and sees his reflection before turning his face away. He wonders how Jimin sees him – how does he look in Jimin’s eyes, mind, heart. The idea makes Yoongi inhales from his cancer stick once. Jimin leans in more and his voice is a low thrum in his throat, “Repeat after me: Ji-Minnnn~” and Yoongi blows out the smoke to Jimin’s face.
Jimin hacks and coughs at the poison, arms flailing about. The lights above them are dim but Yoongi can see the rosy blush on Jimin’s cheeks and the remnants of tears on his face. Jimin is pitifully sniffling now and Yoongi grumbles to himself, maybe he was being a tad too inconsiderate. But Jimin was being too close and he just panicked. Well, as panicked as how a Min Yoongi can be.
Yoongi looks elsewhere before someone notices he has been staring at Jimin’s red face just a bit too long. He notes with satisfaction that the pub is less crowded today. The giant screen plays a baseball match rerun and Yoongi still thinks that the match was dull. But the fish and chips are heavenly today and the beer is lukewarm. And in Yoongi’s book, nothing can beat that! Aside from the existence of the charming Park Jimin but that’s a different story all together.
Hoseok laughs so hard with tears in his eyes. “God, Jimin! You’re so cute,” and cue Jimin’s whining. Hoseok is slapping at Jimin’s back so hard and suddenly Jimin stops pestering Yoongi and goes to play with Hoseok; hitting each other like a bunch of girls. And Hoseok’s girly shrills does nothing to oppose that fact. Yoongi can’t help but find the sight hilarious and yet, he doesn’t laugh.
Namjoon does though but not towards Hoseok or Jimin childish banter. As if Yoongi can sense this, he turns to his left and frowns at Namjoon, “Yah, what’s so funny?”
Namjoon stops chuckling but the smirk is still evident on his face, that smug bastard. “You, of course! You have this weird expression on your face like you want to laugh but that huge stick stuck up your ass doesn’t want you to which makes it into this face,” and then Namjoon proceeds to make this weird twisted expression on his face which Yoongi can only describes it as ugly and definitely exaggerating it because Yoongi doesn’t make ugly faces like that of Namjoon’s.
Yoongi scoffs and turns to look at the other two and is greatly thankful that the two are still bickering. Trying to maintain his calm composure, as cool as possible he says, “I do not. Stop making faces, Namjoon! You look ugly enough.”
And Namjoon immediately stops and he makes this stiff kicked puppy expression that Yoongi thinks doesn’t deserve any sort of empathy due to how disgusting it looks. So instead, Yoongi laughs with his whole body. The kind that turns his eyes to crescents, mouths open wide that his pink gums are showing. And Namjoon pouts and eyes him critically which makes Yoongi laughs harder. They all must have been pissed drunk.
“You have a nice laugh, hyung.”
Yoongi freezes mid-laugh. Jimin’s compliment that came out from nowhere instantly sobers him up. Both Namjoon and Hoseok appear surprise as well as they turn quiet, looking at them back and forth dubiously. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Seokjin wiping the table next to theirs but is secretly eavesdropping to their conversation judging by how there is a slight pause to his movements.
Jimin doesn’t seem to notice the sudden silence as he continues, “I think you should laugh more.” He does a thumbs up with a cheeky grin on his face (one of those that make his eyes turn to charming slits that Yoongi absolutely has no weakness to) and Yoongi fears that the younger can see the heat that blooms on his cheeks.
“Thanks,” he replies gruffly before inhaling more smoke from his half-burnt cigarette. If Namjoon notices the way Yoongi stubs the end of his cancer stick a tad harder, he doesn’t say. And Yoongi pretends he doesn’t see the pitying looks that Seokjin keeps shooting at him all night long.
+
They’re always in the same bus and Jimin always occupies the empty seat, a red leathered seat that suffers several tears on its sides, right next to Yoongi’s. Why bother acting like strangers when you’re drinking buddies (Yoongi refuses to label them friends for obvious reasons) now? And Yoongi just wants to avoid the unwanted questions that he doesn’t know the answer to but will surely come out from Jimin’s mouth if he refuses to sit next to the latter. Or so he tells himself.
They don’t talk much though. Yoongi has always been not much of a talker but Jimin is surprisingly not talkative when it was just the two of them together. More often than not, that insecure dark force lies inconspicuously inside Yoongi whispers that Yoongi is just a boring company. But Yoongi ultimately shuts those thoughts down as Jimin never fails to sit next to him every time. They just sit there for what feels like fifteen minutes or twenty and once in a while Yoongi will doze off for five and it feels so much better and comfortable when Jimin is there.
It’s always Yoongi who falls asleep. Never Jimin. And the former always wakes up on his own whenever Jimin’s stop is nearing. And sometimes this makes Yoongi wonders will Jimin miss his stop if he sleeps a little longer or will Jimin leaves him just like that, uncaring.
But Yoongi is too afraid to try.
The moment is broken when Jimin says well, see you since Jimin’s stop is one stop ahead before Yoongi’s. And the former always gets down before Yoongi can say a goodbye or see you too.
Or maybe Yoongi is just too slow sometimes.
And Yoongi stares and keep staring at Jimin’s figure, a solitary view of his back surrounded by the glaring streetlights and the dampness of the night. The latter never once turn around and look back no matter how much Yoongi yearns for him to but nonetheless he’s glad, in what he admits must have been in a pathetic way that Yoongi can stare all he wants. It’s the only time when he can without being judged or hated.
+
Yoongi is in his favorite recording room with Namjoon when he knows that Jimin is as straight as a pole and has been dating someone for over a year.
Namjoon is there because Yoongi has requested help from the former a week ago in using his voice for the tracks he is coming up with and Namjoon is more than elated to help the elder.
It is no secret that both Yoongi and Namjoon are among the best ones in their major with Namjoon admittedly slightly better but Yoongi’s music has that special sound that more often than not comes off a bit too personal for Namjoon ears – like standing outside, bare naked in the middle of winter. And perhaps that’s what reach out to Namjoon; pure, unadulterated honesty.
Namjoon sometimes think that Yoongi is being underappreciated. The latter deserves better than this. He glances forlornly at Yoongi adjusting the speakers and fiddling with the sound system and sees a lonely person who desperately needs someone but afraid of hurting the other person more than hurting himself. Such selfless act leaves Namjoon more often than not, speechless. As his best friend, Namjoon hates seeing Yoongi like this and the latter has been like this since the moment they first met back when he was still a freshmen and Yoongi was already a sophomore – closed off and bitter. He just wishes that Yoongi would give him and Hoseok more credit and be weak for once. Give him and Hoseok a chance to take care and lean on. They can handle it. But Yoongi hates relying on people.
And here they are with Yoongi doing the sound checks while Namjoon is fiddling with the sound system before Namjoon brings the inevitable and what have been bothering him for days.
“So,” Namjoon nervously starts and Yoongi just hums distractedly, not noticing that Namjoon is being anxious. “I heard Jimin has a girlfriend. And they have been dating for a year, maybe. Um… yeah, I’m not sure,” as soon as the words leave his mouth, Namjoon feels like slapping himself. Can he get anymore straight?
Yoongi stops in the midst of adding the bass in. “Oh…” he mumbles absentmindedly but then he just chuckles – albeit it sounded a little hollow to Namjoon’s ears. “Wow! I never thought he had it in him. He’s a man after all.”
Namjoon feels guilty. He and Hoseok have been debating with each other for the past couple of days on who is going to break the news but Namjoon lost in rock paper scissors so he has to do his end of the bargain. Screw Hoseok and his bad luck in rock paper and scissors, Namjoon internally grumbles.
“Yeah,” Namjoon glances at Yoongi sadly as the latter busies himself again. And here he used to think that Jimin is the one. Well, both he and Hoseok did.
“She must be so pissed,” Yoongi suddenly says, pulling Namjoon out from his pools of guilt. Seriously, Namjoon looks miserable and ugly that Yoongi can’t help but laugh truthfully this time as he looks at him and yes, Yoongi understands. Namjoon is his best friend and Yoongi understands. “Seeing that we’ve been hogging him all the time.”
And Namjoon gets it too – don’t hit yourself too hard Namjoon, the world doesn’t end like this. And Yoongi being Yoongi doesn’t say all these cheesy things but just smile that beautiful honest to God smile of his in that oversized grey hoodie of his with that snapback on top of his fluffy pink hair and Namjoon just wishes that he can fall in love with Yoongi and cherishes him with the love he deserves.
But ewww, gross!
So Namjoon laughs as well, “Yeah, she did! You should see the whack she gave Jimin on the head. We laugh so fucking hard! LMFAO literally, man!”
And through day and night, Yoongi tries so hard to ignore that dull ache that he has been trying to ignore since day one he had met Park Jimin. Only today, the ache comes slightly more hurtful.
+
Yoongi has this rule deeply embedded in his life since he is definitely assured of his sexuality: never fall for straight guys. Gay men falling for straight men is just calling for a disaster. He sees and hears stories from his gay friends and these people never learn their lesson and 95% of them didn’t end well. In fact, most of them ended horribly. 5% is mainly made of pure luck and tons of sacrifices that Min Yoongi just too lazy to do and get done for.
He did date a straight guy, once, when he just recently came out of the closet during his freshmen year. The guy was Yoongi’s senior of the same major and yes, they were undeniably and irrevocably in love. So in love that the guy is having a breakdown and leaving Yoongi feeling like a monster at the end of the day. Yoongi can never forget what that man had said on the day he decided that enough was enough:
“I love you, Yoongi-ah. I really do. But loving you and my friends, my family and my life just don’t go the same ways. And it just makes me horribly sick sometimes. Too much is just too much!”
The guy was on his knees, sobbing and heaving at the same time. Yoongi just stood there motionlessly, right outside this very recording room, staring guilelessly at the pathetic sight in front of him.
He was a monster. Yoongi had ruined that guy’s notion of a normal and close to perfect life.
And that’s why he never goes for straight guys anymore.
+
Yoongi hasn’t been going for their usual hangouts for almost a month, opting to stay in the recording room or go straight home which means he hasn’t seen the other three quite a while. Well, not Namjoon. He sees Namjoon every other day when they have classes together and he is thankful that Namjoon gets the message and doesn’t mention anything about it.
Hoseok does text him everyday – annoying texts and awful memes that reluctantly makes Yoongi laugh and feel guilty at the same time. So he replies to every single one of them saying, “I’m busy. Go away!” “Get a life idiot! I’m eating,” and “I’m trying to sleep. Don’t disturb me!” are a few of them. To some he may have sound uncaring and rude but his friends know that he’s fine and is going to be alright, he’s coping at least.
But Jimin is hard. The guy is damn persistent and Yoongi knows this judging by how the younger has been so adamant on Yoongi to remember his name. Jimin texts him first thing when he wakes up and last when he is about to sleep everyday. Yoongi reads all of them and only replies to some of them.
Jiminnie (9.59am): Hyung? Yoongi hyung?
Jiminnie (12.00pm): I’m having my lunch now! Don’t forget to have your lunch too, hyung~
Jiminnie (4.32pm): Are you coming tonight, hyung? We haven’t been hanging out for a while
Jiminnie (8.26pm): Hoseok hyung is hitting on the girl again. It’s embarrassing! You should’ve seen it, hyung! >.<
Jiminnie (11.15pm): Yoongi hyung? Are you busy?
Reply (11.32pm): Yea. Sorry. I’m trying to sleep now
Jiminnie (11.33pm): Oh, sorry to bother you, hyung! Have a good night rest zzz sweet dreams~
+
The first time Yoongi sees Jimin and his girlfriend is three days later. He has just arrived to Seoul from spending his weekends in Daegu when he sees the familiar black tuft of hair. Instinctively, he ducks behind one of the pillars and is quite thankful that the train station is very crowded that late afternoon.
He notices that Jimin is not alone. There is a slim, pale arm linked together with Jimin’s strong ones and too exhausted from all the denials he has been doing, Yoongi admits he is very much green-eyed.
So he steps out from his hiding and stares behind the two loving figures. Yoongi is so used to staring at Jimin’s back that he decides it’s a sign that Jimin will never look at him with those eyes Yoongi so deeply yearns for. And he is pretty sure he is never anything more than a senior he knows in Jimin’s eyes anyways.
Stop it, Min Yoongi! He’s straight. Get your head out of the gutter! You should know better Yoongi internally berates himself. Yeah, he should know better, more than anyone.
+
“You’re not joining us again, hyung?” Hoseok whines. The younger is getting impatient on Yoongi’s attitude and see to it himself as Yoongi rejects another one of their hanging out invitations.
Yoongi is in the recording room yet again when Hoseok enters with a bang. Namjoon is there as well, helping Yoongi out. “No. Can you see I’m busy?” Yoongi scowls with annoyance but that doesn’t deter Hoseok. Yoongi looks more like a disgruntled kitten than a lion when he’s annoyed or angry.
“Well, you’ve been busy for a long time now. Surely you can take a time off once in a while,” Hoseok huffs, arms cross on his chest.
“I can’t,” Yoongi grits. Namjoon looks like he wants to say something more about that but Yoongi’s glare cuts him off. Yoongi has this feeling that Namjoon isn’t going to say something to help him out.
Hoseok sighs but still unrelenting. “You need to cut this out Yoongi hyung. Seokjin-hyung said that he rarely sees you these days and you’re making the poor Jimin miserable,” at the corner of his eye he can see Yoongi flinches beneath that large hoodie of his. “He thinks you’re avoiding him. And he keeps asking about you. It’s been going on for over a month, hyung. The kid doesn’t deserve this. I’m not asking you to explain it to him why you’ve been like this but just…” Hoseok lets out a breath. “Just give Jimin a peace of his mind.”
Namjoon is quiet but undeniably agrees with what Hoseok is saying.
Yoongi sighs dejectedly and that silences Hoseok and readies himself for what the older has to say. Yoongi swivels around his chair to face the other two and resigns, “I saw him yesterday,” his hands clasp together on his lap are trembling, his eyes nervously staring at the ground. “He’s with his girlfriend. She’s so small and cute, the perfect kind of girl for Jiminnie,” he smiles sadly and Hoseok swallows because he never see Yoongi acting like this – so scared and weak. Yes, Yoongi is small and cute but he is unquestionably and irrefutably male. And he knows Yoongi prefers it to stay that way. “And I realize that I am such a fool – such a big fool all this time. Jimin doesn’t do anything wrong,” for once he glances up to look directly at Hoseok and smiles, eyes shining with unshed tears. “So I try not to avoid him so much. Don’t get your panties in a twist,” Hoseok chuckles at this while Namjoon breathes a sigh of relief. “Besides, other than ruining my swag, that kid is a decent company.”
And Hoseok makes this unidentifiable sound before running forward in a ridiculous manner and crushing Yoongi in his embrace. Usually, Yoongi would hit him or pushed him aside but he returns this one, just this once. And seriously, Jung Hoseok is such a crybaby. He cries over the silliest things. And just for being such a big baby, Yoongi pats Hoseok twice on the head albeit affectionately.
Namjoon fakes gag at the corner and the other two simultaneously glares at him, still lock in an embrace. “Seriously, you guys are such saps! This is why hiphop is dead because of y’all sic-“ before he can finish, the other two pounce on him and tackle him to the floor in a ‘manly bro group hug’ as Yoongi defines it.
“I hate you guys,” Namjoon grumbles beneath the both of them.
Hoseok laughs loudly and hugging them tighter with his long arms. “Love you all too!” and makes this annoying kissy sounds that is so disgustingly Hoseok.
It’s Yoongi’s turn to fake gag. “Ew. Please. No,” he emphasizes every single word. “We’re swag bros. Sappy stuffs are prohibited!” Yoongi drones in that lazy tone.
“Oh please,” Hoseok scoffs. “You’re the sappiest out of all of us here, hyung. You’re having your own love drama as of the moment for goodness sake! Even Seokjin-hyung is getting jealous.”
Yoongi wonders how he is friends with such gossipers and thumps Hoseok’s head as hard as he can just because he can. And he hits Namjoon too just because. They both groan in pain and unconsciously a smile forms on Yoongi’s lips. The bumbling idiots don’t need to know.
They lie in a pile like that and make themselves comfortable for almost an hour, neither of them willing to admit how they like to stay like that for a bit longer. Well, except for Hoseok but not today. Maybe some other day.
+
“Wahhh! Jeon Jungkook and Kwon Jiyong seonsaengnim?! Really? Those two?”
Yoongi is probably in one of his shittiest mood right now. He is currently in his earliest lecture of the day (fucking 8 in the morning!) and it isn’t related to his composition major at all (it’s Korean History – mandatory for all final year undergraduates) and he doesn’t even have his caffeine fix yet! Moreover, these two girls behind him keep whispering and giggling about a certain Jeon Jungkook and Yoongi frankly finds them annoying.
But he does know who Jeon Jungkook is alright. The kid is merely a freshman from Yoongi’s major but apparently has already made a name for himself in the Arts and Music Faculty. Jeon Jungkook has all the skills of a genius and is practically good at everything. Unfortunately, Kwon Jiyong seonsaengnim is notorious for entertaining the female students and if Yoongi can say so himself, the elder is also an asshole.
“But I thought Kwon-ssaem is straight,” the girls continue. “I know right! I didn’t know that Jungkook swings that way too. So that’s why he doesn’t seem interested in girls before! But I still don’t get Kwon-ssaem though. Does that mean he’s bi?!”
Yoongi scoffs. He obviously is and Jeon Jungkook is a giant idiot. They’re already university students for goodness’ sakes and not just some teenager who is fumbling his way into his own sexuality and thinks that a relationship with a straight guy is a possibility. The kid needs to grow up but obviously that doesn’t happen yet because if it did, he would have the common sense to leave before it’s too late.
But Yoongi contemplates that he can’t say the same for himself either.
+
“Yoongi…hyung?”
Yoongi automatically freezes as he is about to press the ‘close’ button on the elevator. He recognizes that voice anywhere. But he already makes a promise to both Hoseok and Namjoon and as promised, Yoongi decides to stop avoiding Jimin. So he presses the ‘open’ button and Park Jimin comes into view, looking like he has been running. Jimin is clearly just done from late night dance practice judging by the outfit he is wearing and is just about to head home.
“It really is you!” Jimin smiles so bright as if the fact that Yoongi has been avoiding him over a month doesn’t happen. “How have you been, hyung? It has been a long time since I last saw you,” and Jimin enters the elevator, leaning against the wall while facing Yoongi.
“Really? It hasn’t been that long for me,” Yoongi sneers while looking somewhere else. He has seen Jimin quite a few times at their usual bus stop only to hide everytime that happens. He glances at the number flashing on the side and internally growls why elevators can’t go faster these days. Aren’t they living in an era of technology revolution?
Jimin is about to reply only to be hit by a sudden coughing fit which makes Yoongi actually look at Jimin for once instead of the flashing numbers. Taking a closer look, Jimin’s face does look kind of red and beads of sweat are covering his forehead.
And Min Yoongi’s almighty wall crumbles into shambles.
“Yah,” he calls out attentively. “Are you okay?” Yoongi moves closer and places a palm on Jimin’s forehead and then on his own, repeating the process all over again. Jimin’s is burning hot. “Yah! You’re sick!” he gasps dramatically. “What are you doing in school?! You should’ve stayed at home, you idiot!” and he thumps Jimin’s head lightly for good measure.
“Only you that would’ve hit a sick person, hyung,” Jimin rasps as if out of breath. His hand grasp onto the banister, suddenly feeling woozy. “I was perfectly fine this morning. It was just a minor cough. It only got worse this afternoon,” his other hand instinctively covering his forehead – an attempt to reduce his headache.
And that is why a certain Min Yoongi is in Park Jimin’s tiny apartment (the dormitory was full and this is within his budget), who apparently lives alone and completely inept in cooking a decent homemade meal for himself. But the good side is that Jimin’s apartment is sparklingly clean. Yoongi grudgingly admits that his own resembles more of a dumpster than an apartment.
Jimin looks adorable cocooned in his comforter, a wet towel on his forehead courtesy of Yoongi. “I’m sorry. I’m being disrespectful for letting you taking care of me like this, hyung,” he smiles drowsily at Yoongi who is sitting by the bed, a basin half filled with cold water on his lap.
Yoongi sighs in annoyance and scowls at the younger. “Stop apologizing, you ass! You can thank me later.” Yoongi wets the towel again when he feels that the coolness is almost gone and places it neatly on Jimin’s forehead again. “Situations like these sometimes just can’t be avoided,” Yoongi mumbles softly.
Jimin is silent for a long time and Yoongi thinks that the younger has already fallen asleep. Yoongi is about to soak the towel wet again when Jimin mumbles in his sleep, “Thanks, hyung. You’re the best.”
Yoongi sits there sullenly while staring at Jimin’s sleeping face. Avoiding someone takes a toll out of Yoongi and seeing his target of avoidance vulnerable like that just exerts a lot of Yoongi’s energy. “I’m tired and I’m going to sleep,” he mumbles softly before laying his head closed to Jimin’s arm, the younger’s hand in his field of vision. With a sudden rush of courage, he slowly treads his fingers between Jimin, caressing them softly. “I consider this payment for my services. Don’t hold it against me,” he mumbles to no one as his eyes drift to a close.
That night, Yoongi wakes up about 8 times to change Jimin’s towel. By morning, Jimin’s fever has cooled down.
+
When morning comes, Yoongi is grumbling about his back pains due to sleeping in an awkward position the whole night. He is doing his stretch albeit similar like a lazy cat when he notices that Jimin is wide awake on the bed and is smiling towards him.
Yoongi freezes momentarily before he smiles back. Without a word, he presses his palm onto the younger’s forehead. Yoongi sighs in relief when Jimin’s forehead is not as hot as last night. “Thank goodness,” he smiles wider, showing his gums. “Good morning.”
Jimin nods, “Good morning to you too, Yoongi hyung.” The smile never once left his face.
Realizing that he has been staying here all night and has been doing some embarrassing stuff that he never thought he would do in this life, Yoongi decides to leave. “I think I better go. I have class at noon,” he doesn’t but Jimin doesn’t have to know that. “And your fever has cooled down. It should be fine. You should call your girlfriend and tell her you’re sick. What if she worries?” he asks, trying to appear nonchalant as possible.
Jimin stops smiling and Yoongi wonders if he says something wrong. “You knew I have a girlfriend?”
Yoongi notes the lack of ‘hyung’ and bristles internally, he is supposed to be the jilted one here so why is Jimin acting as if he is one. “Yeah. Namjoon told me,” Yoongi can’t help but sounding affronted. There’s no reason for Jimin to hide it and Yoongi deserves to know. Aren’t they friends or ‘drinking buddies’, at least?
“Oh,” Jimin smiles sadly. “We broke up,” and Yoongi almost drops the basin he is holding. “Just two weeks ago. She said I’m too nice for her, she doesn’t deserve me and among other things.”
“She said that?” Yoongi frowns.
“Yeah,” he pauses as if he’s thinking of something. “But I guess it’s true though. I don’t mind being ordered around.”
“No,” Jimin looks at him in confusion, head tilts to the side. “You’re just a nice person,” Yoongi says matter-of-factly.
“Funny,” Jimin chuckles. “’Cause I thought the same thing the first time I met you too.”
And Yoongi laughs – it’s this breathy sounds like that of gasping breaths that can only be Yoongi’s.
That morning, before he leaves, Yoongi makes a simple rice porridge for Jimin who still needs some rest and promises to take a day off from university. Jimin goes back to sleep after their little chat and Yoongi leaves the porridge on his bedside and a bottle of water with a note, make sure to finish them when you wake up. It is made from Min Yoongi’s precious tears and sweat. Be grateful! And take a really good care of yourself next time, you idiot!
+
Yoongi realizes that his secret infatuation with Jimin isn’t going to be like one of those that comes and goes when he doesn’t feel like avoiding Jimin anymore and instead doesn’t mind being treated as a friend forever.
It’s a new kind of feeling that Yoongi never experience before - of selfless love.
He wonders if Jimin still wants to be his friend if he knows this disgusting longing he feels?
+
They’re at the pub at one late afternoon again but this time it is just Yoongi and Jimin. Yoongi has a sneaking suspicion that the other two must have bail on them, giving them room to mend the broken friendship as they might say. Even Seokjin is nowhere in sight, something about catching a cold said one of the waiters there. Bunch of traitors, Yoongi scowls with a cigarette hanging between his lips.
Jimin, that kid, has the nerve to laugh on him. “Don’t look so prickly, hyung! Do you hate hanging out with me so much?” the question sounds innocent enough and Yoongi can’t decipher the reason behind it in Jimin’s laughing expression but it does hit close to home.
“No, I don’t hate it,” in fact, he’s loving it too much since he gets to spend time with Jimin. “You’re a decent company. It’s always fun when talking to you,” he adds on.
“I see,” Jimin trails. They are sitting facing each other and Jimin looks Yoongi in the eye when he speaks over the rim of his mug, “If you have so much fun talking to me, hyung, then why didn’t you come hanging out with us anymore?”
Yoongi isn’t surprise at Jimin’s questioning. It will come sooner or later especially from a kid as honest as Jimin. “I’m not,” he answers defiantly. “I’m just busy. I’m in my final year for goodness’ sake! I don’t have time to fool around. Be grateful that I have grace you people with my presence,” and out of habit, he thumps Jimin on the back of his head.
Jimin groans out in pain because this time the blow is stronger, his hands instinctively rubbing the sore spot. “Do you have to hit me everytime you scold me, hyung?! It fucking hurts everytime you know!” and just for the crude language, he gets another thump on the head. “Okay, okay! Stop!” Jimin surrenders. “I’m sorry for being a brat and disrespectful so please stop hitting me, hyung,” he mock cries.
Yoongi hides a smug smile behind his mug, truthfully missing Jimin’s childish antics. “That’s better.”
“Oh by the way, hyung,” Yoongi hums signalling the younger he is listening as he stubs the end of his cigarette on the ashtray. “Do you know a freshman named Jeon Jungkook?”
That makes Yoongi paused. Why is Jimin asking about Jeon Jungkook all of a sudden? For all he knows, Jimin isn’t the type who randomly talks about other people. “Yeah, I do know him. He’s in my major. Why do you ask?”
Jimin stares off into space as he speaks, as if he is dreaming. “He changed to dance major just this morning. I know he used to be in your major so that’s why I ask.”
“Oh, really?” Yoongi asks suspiciously, not buying Jimin’s explanation one bit.
“Yeah,” Jimin smiles as if he knows all the secrets of the world. “I wonder if he’s gay though?”
Yoongi ultimately chokes on his drink, surprise and shock evident on his face. “You can tell? How?” As far as he knows, straight guy’s gay radar is shit.
“There’s this friend of mine. His name is Taehyung. He’s an ultimate weirdo and can’t seem to stop bothering the guy ever since he first entered our morning lecture,” Jimin chuckles. “And Jungkook has these interesting reactions to every single one of Taehyung’s advances. It’s just kind of hilarious watching them all day.” Yoongi is internally confused because Jeon Jungkook is an expressionless kid and judging from Jimin’s story, the kid seems to be another person. “And he’s just so cute when he’s trying not to smile or laugh. It’s just fun to watch him.”
Yoongi wishes he can pretend he doesn’t hear what has just coming out from Jimin’s mouth. “Oh, I didn’t know you’re fine with these kinds of things.” Yoongi tries to pretend how much Jimin’s smile doesn’t hurt at that very moment.
“I don’t know, hyung,” Jimin says honestly but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. “I don’t usually care about these sorts of things. Love is love for me. If you like that person, why the hell not just go for it,” Jimin speaks with much enthusiasm, clearly he is a man of romance.
“Yeah, why not,” Yoongi mumbles into his drink, a new lit up cigarette in between his slim fingers. The smoke wisps into the thick air of the bar hollowly – just like what Yoongi is feeling at that moment. “That’s true.”
Jimin, completely oblivious to Yoongi’s sour mood, adds on. “And Jungkook is very pretty. I wouldn’t have mind.”
“He is,” Yoongi agrees absently. Min Yoongi is nothing compared to Jeon Jungkook. While Yoongi has skin as pale as snow, Jungkook has this healthy glow to his. Yoongi has small slanted eyes that he sometimes is wary of but Jungkook has these beautiful doe eyes fanned with thick long eyelashes. Jungkook’s nose is tall and straight and he has those luscious lips like those of rubies while Yoongi’s nose is more cute and petite and his lips are more on the thin side. Even their hair colours are a contrast to each other – Jungkook with his sleek black hair and Yoongi with his dyed pink hair. It is not to say that he is not decent to look at because he definitely falls under the category of people who you would look twice on the streets but Jungkook is a whole different story. Jungkook falls under the category of people that you just can’t stop looking from.
Yoongi is pretty but Jungkook is mesmerizing.
“I wonder why he transfers all of sudden,” Jimin voices out on what has been troubling him since morning. “It’s just weird since we’re in the middle of our semester. When I ask him about it, he doesn’t seem too keen to answer. So I drop it off. Perhaps you know something, hyung? The curiosity is killing me!” he wails before slumping on the table.
This act of Jimin being intrigue on someone Yoongi knows but barely acquainted with, is a lot to take in and needs some getting used to. But Yoongi needs to handle this own his own if he wants to stay friends with Jimin. With a large sigh, Yoongi proceeds to tell the story between Jeon Jungkook and one of the lecturers from his major that Yoongi is careful not to disclose since a lecturer is still a lecturer. And how their relationship has ended.
“So this lecturer,” Jimin approaches the subject carefully. “Is a guy?” Yoongi nods as he puffs out a smoke. “Wow,” Jimin gasps in awe. “That’s a huge story you got right there, hyung. Are you sure it’s okay to tell it to me?”
“Sure,” he puffs out another. “We all knew about it anyway but the lecturer spends his time begging in one of his classes not to say anything about it when they broke up. So it’s like a composition major student’s dirty little secret now. Kind of pathetic if you ask me,” he snorts unprettily.
“But that doesn’t explain why he transfers,” Jimin asks persistently and he’s being too nosy for his own good.
“I guess Jungkook can’t handle all of the unwanted attention. And the lecturer is quite popular and good looking too. So I’m sure there are people who didn’t accept their relation as kindly as others. Sure serve him right for being an idiot,” Yoongi huffs disinterestedly.
Jimin laughs out loud. “You’re interesting, hyung.” Yoongi glares at him in disdain which only makes Jimin to laugh harder. “Why can’t you just admit you feel sorry for the guy, seriously?”
Yoongi blushes for his true intentions are discovered. For a guy as oblivious as Jimin, he can get quite perceptive at times. “I’m not, you brat!” and he is about to thump the younger on the head when Jimin suddenly stops laughing and cowers away from Yoongi’s hand. So instead, he ruffles Jimin’s hair albeit affectionately.
Jimin whines for being treated like a kid and Yoongi retorts you are a kid, you brat! Just causes Jimin to annoyingly pester Yoongi all night.
Throughout the night, there is a question that has been on the tip of Yoongi’s tongue but regrettably swallows it back down when the moment comes.
If it was me, not Jungkook, would you be fine with it too?
+
And days after, Jimin confides to Yoongi how he has a crush on Jeon Jungkook and quite sure that it is unrequited so what should I do, hyung?
And for the first time, Yoongi doesn’t have an answer.
I don’t know.
That night, his chest just won’t stop aching and it goes on as he let himself go to sleep.
+
The sun sets earlier in winter and the nights are freezing cold. Yoongi regrets not wearing a sweater underneath his bomber jacket, opting for a plain white tee instead. He has been standing for half an hour and there is no sign of Jimin yet.
That morning Jimin called Yoongi, inviting the latter to his place – probably venting about his unrequited love for Jungkook again. Yoongi wants to decline at first but Jimin knows that he has no class for the day and he just doesn’t feel like making up excuses. So he reluctantly agrees and braces himself for the hurt that is expected to come.
Yoongi glances at his watch and it’s already 8.43pm. He’s already been crouching in front of Jimin’s apartment for almost 45 minutes. Another two minutes he makes up his mind to call Jimin. Seriously, doesn’t the kid know how to use his phone? That idiot, Yoongi sighs sullenly. Is he in trouble or something? Yoongi worries.
He glances at his watch again and it says 8.45pm. Biting his lips, he presses Jimin’s phone number that he memorizes only to get startled by the same person’s caller ID appearing on his screen. He slides the screen to answer but before he can utter a word, Jimin’s anxious voice blares on the other line.
“Hyung! Yoongi hyung!”
“Oh, Jiminnie,” his voice sounds rougher from the cold. “I’m here already. It’s really cold. Where are you? Hurry up, you brat! Are you trying to kill me?” Yoongi huffs.
“I’m on my way, hyung. I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave,” as if Yoongi ever would despite his previous threat. “I got held up in practice. I’m really sorry, hyung. I’m running now. Don’t go, hyung,” Jimin rasps into the phone.
“Yah,” Yoongi scolds. “You don’t need to run. God knows how clumsy you are. Take your time,” he hesitates before closing his eyes as if what he is saying next going to sound less embarrassing. “And I’m not going anywhere,” he bites his lips before hanging up, to maintain the last bit of his pride.
Yoongi hugs his knees closer to his chest, trying to shield himself from the strong gust of wind, his pale white hands shivering from the cold. He stares at them for a long time and remembers the warmth of Jimin’s hand that night – how soft it is and how it is a shade darker next to his own. Yoongi blushes from the thought.
“This is so uncool,” he mumbles into his knees.
+
“Hyung! Yoongi hyung! Don’t sleep here. You’re going to catch pneumonia.”
I’ve been here for almost an hour, you brat! Yoongi grumbles internally. He isn’t actually sleeping. He’s just resting his eyes for a while before Jimin comes. But he doesn’t bother to correct the younger, choosing to glare at him instead.
“Hurry open up the door!” Yoongi hisses, hugging himself to keep warm.
Jimin gets flustered so he unlocks the door hurriedly seeing how Yoongi is shivering. “How long you’ve been out here, hyung?” Jimin asks wide-eyed as he switches on the lights and the heater.
Yoongi goes straight to the couch, still hugging himself, moving his upper body back and forth. “Long enough,” he sniffs. And Jimin feels guilty instantly. Knowing the look on Jimin’s face, Yoongi clicks his tongue, “Stop looking at me like that. A warm coffee would be perfect right now.”
“Right away, hyung,” Jimin mock salutes before going to the kitchen to make the coffee Yoongi requested.
Meanwhile, Yoongi busies himself looking around the apartment. The first time he was here, he doesn’t bother to look around. He was preoccupied on taking care of a feverish Jimin and his mind was a mess back then as well.
There’s a decent sized TV with a game station (figures a guy like Jimin would be into video games, Yoongi rolls eyes), a coffee table that has assignments and books strewn all over, a couch, a single bed and a wardrobe. Not bad for a student’s apartment.
“Here you go hyung. Coffee with milk, just the way you like it,” Yoongi hums and grabs the mug from Jimin’s hand, secretly pleased that Jimin remembers how he likes his coffee from that one time they went to the university’s very own coffee shop.
“I see you play video games,” Yoongi motions toward the game station. “Are you any good?”
Jimin fakes an annoyed expression before he grins with utter confidence, “Of course, hyung! Do you want me to show you? I bet I can kick your ass easily.”
Yoongi chuckles, “I don’t think you can. No one ever beats me in gaming before,” Jimin looks like he is about to say something, probably a challenge, but Yoongi continues on. “But I’m not in the mood right now so maybe next time.”
Jimin pouts but gives in. The atmosphere turns silent but it’s nothing awkward – Yoongi indulges himself with the warmth coming from the heater while Jimin is staring into his own coffee mug, a ghost of smile adorning his face.
The first one to break the silence is Jimin. “It’s nice to have you here, hyung. This place is getting quite lonely lately.”
Yoongi stares. Jimin looks so miserable. “Don’t you have friends coming over? That friend of yours, Taehyung, was it? What about Hoseok or Namjoon?”
“Nah,” Jimin shakes his head, still staring into his coffee mug. “He used to though. Come over, I mean. But now he’s busy chasing Jungkook so he doesn’t come over anymore,” he looks momentarily upset but Yoongi chooses not to say anything. “But we do meet up sometimes. As for Namjoon hyung and Hoseok hyung, they don’t know where I live so…” he trails before sipping on his coffee. Yoongi waits patiently. “And besides, I usually go to their place instead since they live in the dorms.”
Yoongi understands what Jimin is trying to say. The younger isn’t lonely. It’s just he misses the presence of another person in this small apartment of his. “So am I your last option?” there’s no venom in his words, more like he is the other way around. Yoongi can’t help that great feeling blooms inside his chest at the thought of Jimin is grateful of Yoongi’s presence here.
Jimin pauses to think, but the way his lips are twitching suggests that he is teasing. “Yeah,” he nods a smug smile on his face.
Yoongi laughs before he places his mug on the coffee table and proceeds to pounce on the unsuspecting younger. “Why you,” he fakes chokehold on Jimin’s neck and the younger mock gags. “How dare you tease your hyung, you ungrateful brat?!”
Not giving up, Jimin puts his mug aside as well before tickling Yoongi on the ribs making the elder choke and laugh uncontrollably. His hold on Jimin’s neck loosens as he places both of his hands on Jimin’s arms in attempt to stop the younger. “Oh my God! No! Hahahahaha stop! I can’t breathe!” he rasps out in between giggles.
Jimin smirks evilly. This is his chance to make Yoongi hyung falls for his mercy. “Promise not to hit me anymore, hyung?”
Yoongi giggles with his arms flailing around. “Yes yes! I promise. Never. No more!” he surrenders and instantly Jimin stops. Yoongi unconsciously slumps onto Jimin, too exhausted from all the laughing.
The mood is getting awkward, at least for Jimin. His hands that were placed on Yoongi’s ribs are now awkwardly hovering over the area, not knowing what to do especially with the feel of Yoongi breathing down his neck. Yoongi realizes belatedly what position they’re in – he is situated on Jimin’s lap (when did he get here?), his arms are loosely hanging around Jimin’s neck (what was he trying to do) and his face is closed to Jimin’s neck (he smells so nice!).
As if being burn, Yoongi jumps out of his position and accidentally stumbles on one of the table’s leg before landing unceremoniously on Jimin’s assignments. Jimin is looking at him with these wide eyes that Yoongi isn’t sure if they are shocked or horrified.
But Yoongi comes to know his answer soon enough when Jimin opens his mouth. “Hyung,” he approaches the subject carefully. “Do you… perhaps, like me that way?”
Yoongi feels all the blood rushes to his head – he is speechless. By the look on Jimin’s face, he doesn’t seem to be disgusted by it, just adorably confused. But the veins in Yoongi’s head are thumping wildly per minute and he just couldn’t see what is right or wrong anymore. Everything he feels at that precise moment is intensified – the look on Jimin’s face, his hands and even his voice.
“I’m leaving.” Yoongi runs out of the apartment before he says something stupid. The cold wind greets him once he is outside, replacing the warmth of Jimin’s apartment. The look in Jimin’s eyes flickers in his vision and something akin to hope blooms in his chest. He crushes that feeling instantly, rubbing the sore spot where his heart is.
+
The view of the Han River during the night is truly magnificent. He looks around and Yoongi seems to be the only one alone. He glances down at his opened can of beer and half lit cigarette and realizes again and again that he is one depressed and lonely motherfucker.
“Yoongi hyung!”
Yoongi gasps. Why can’t Jimin just let him dwell on his miserable unrequited love in peace for once? Is Jimin really an idiot? Can’t he read the signs? Not really in the mood to entertain Jimin right now, he stands up and making his leave.
But Jimin never knows when to give up as Yoongi comes to know. Before the older can get far, Jimin speeds up his pace and grabs Yoongi’s elbow, hard, making Yoongi loses his footing (curse these boots!) and stumbles onto Jimin’s chest. Surprise at the impact, Jimin unconsciously holds Yoongi’s waist and they both freeze.
The incident back in Jimin’s apartment still fresh in both of their minds. They stay like that for a while, not realizing the judgemental and admiring stares they both receive from the passer-bys.
Feeling embarrassed, Yoongi clears his throat. “When are you going to let me go?” he asks awkwardly, blinking several times. He notices the hold on his waist tightens for a second before he lets it go all together. Yoongi tries to not feel disappointed but ultimately fails. Not wanting Jimin to see the look on his face, he refuses to turn around before asking, “Why are you here?”
“Huh?” Jimin asks in confusion. Curious, Yoongi turns around and sees the wide-eyed look again but instead of surprise evident in those orbs, its desperation – the need to understand something. So Yoongi waits patiently. He’s been good at doing that nowadays. Jimin stands there seemingly flustered, one second he is scratching his head in frustration, the next he is huffing into the air in annoyance with his hands on either of his waist.
Frankly, it’s cute to watch.
As Jimin seems to cool down, he lets his arms fall on his sides and looks at Yoongi dead in the eye. It’s Yoongi’s turn to be flustered but he keeps his cool. “I’m going to ask you again. Do you like really like me?” There was no ‘hyung’, Yoongi notes. He is not sure if that is a good sign or a bad sign.
Not trusting his voice not to crack, Yoongi only nods, his hair strands rustles together with the wind.
Jimin looks at him – really looks at him for the first time since that moment they first rode the bus together. Yoongi is shivering slightly from the cold, his hands jammed into the pockets of his bomber jacket and he is looking at everywhere but Jimin. Jimin thinks the winter suits Yoongi – his pale as snow skin, pink hair like that of cherry blossoms and dark pool orbs reminiscent of the Han River. How can Jimin not notice it before? That Yoongi is beautiful, not as beautiful as the infamous Jeon Jungkook, but beautiful in his own way.
So Jimin finds himself saying, “I think you’re beautiful, hyung.”
Well that isn’t what Yoongi expects Jimin to say. So he blinks instead, not sure what he’s hearing is right. “You think I’m what?” he rasps.
“I think you’re beautiful. Even during that time – when we first rode the bus together,” Jimin sniffs due to the cold and Yoongi notices that the younger is clad only in his white tee and jeans. He glances nervously at Yoongi to see if the elder is still listening. “But I’m not sure if it is to the extent of liking you in that way,” seeing Yoongi obviously deflates, Jimin hurriedly amends. “I don’t want to be unfair to you – going out with you while I still like someone else – because you’re my precious hyung. So,
Give me time,” he moves closer and daringly takes one of Yoongi’s hands out of the pockets and hold it tightly with his. Both of their hands are cold but there is unmistakable warmth in their hearts. “Give me time to fall for you, hyung. And please don’t avoid me like that again. I don’t think I can handle the third time around.”
It’s nothing much but its hope – hope for Yoongi. Stupid Jimin and his stupid face, his stupid sweet voice, his stupid smile and all his stupidity all together. Stupid Jimin for being Jimin and making the impenetrable Min Yoongi to fall for him. Stupid Park Jimin. “Alright,” Yoongi resigns and takes what he can get, for now. “Don’t make me wait too long. I’ve been waiting long enough,” he mumbles then blushes seeing their jointed hands.
Jimin smiles for Yoongi never show this vulnerable side of his to anyone (well except maybe Hoseok and Namjoon hyung) and surprisingly, Jimin likes to see this sight again and again and again.
Hopefully, the answer will come soon.
+
Jimin doesn’t give his answer yet but they still hang out together and this time, it is the four of them. Yoongi tries not to worry but he can’t do that everytime he sees Jimin’s face. Jimin doesn’t seem to face the same dilemma but Yoongi can’t tell. Jimin is pretty good at hiding his emotions these days.
Yoongi doesn’t tell on what happen between him and Jimin to Hoseok and Namjoon though, yet. But those two, despite being two wisecracks, are observant as hell. They can tell that something is going on between Jimin and Yoongi, judging by how Jimin is treating Yoongi more like a… (he can’t say without getting his hopes up) rather than a hyung while Yoongi acts like he’s been splashed by a bucket of cold water everytime he is treated like one.
It is amusing to watch for Hoseok and Namjoon. So they opt to stay quiet and watch the drama unfolds and giggle about it like schoolgirls after.
“Can’t you do something about the snoring? I swear one of these days I will smother you with my stinky pillow while you’re asleep!” Hoseok threatens at Namjoon, the beer sloshing dangerously in his hand, making the others instinctively duck for cover.
“If I know how to get rid of it, I will be doing exactly that by now. It’s a detriment for me too, y’know!” and mutters something that suspiciously sounds like girls, fuck, snores and runs away. “Let’s be honest here. I’m not the one who’s touching himself when he’s asleep,” and that’s cue for a certain Jung Hoseok looking like a bloated red elephant. “And it’s very disturbing to watch, man, seriously. Are you masturbating in your dreams all the damn time?!”
“Well…” and no comebacks. “Fuck you, Kim fucking Namjoon!”
And Namjoon topples over with laughter. Clearly he won this banter.
“Stop arguing, kids,” Seokjin chastises as he approaches their table with fresh round of fish and chips. “And please don’t throw the food around like last time. You know how many tables I have to clean here,” he groans exasperatedly. “Twenty tables!” and he turns to glare at Namjoon which makes the latter flinch. “And you, stop pissing on my cactus. I know it’s you and I’ll be watching you,” and he storms away from their table.
“Seokjin only has one cactus and it’s his mother’s,” Hoseok points out smartly. Jimin belches in disgust while Yoongi watches their interaction disinterestedly.
“I was drunk, okay?!” Namjoon argues with his arms raise in defeat.
“And why would you go to Seokjin-hyung’s house when you’re drunk?” Hoseok narrows his eyes in question, staring Namjoon down and the latter can’t help but feel smaller by the second.
“Uhhh…” Namjoon looks around, refusing to meet Hoseok’s eyes and while it is an interesting turn of events, Yoongi takes pity on poor Namjoon and decides to save his poor soul from being crushed by the power of Hoseok’s interrogation.
“Well, how about you?” the table turns silent as Yoongi asks Jimin, all of them looking somewhat expectantly. Jimin resembles a deer caught in headlights as he turns toward Yoongi, frowning with confusion. “I mean do you have any weird sleeping habits that we should be wary of?” Yoongi stubs his cigarette onto the ashtray, silently hoping he doesn’t make the question sounds weird.
“Well, my friends told me I am a snorer. But I’m not sure if it’s that bad or anything,” he mumbles shyly, sneaking a glance at a seemingly disinterested Min Yoongi.
“Oh we’ll know sooner or later,” Hoseok smiles devilishly, fortunately goes unnoticed by the other occupants of the table. “Once any of us sleeps with you, we’ll know if you’re a terrible case snorer like this one,” he points his thumb towards Namjoon but the one kicking his shin under the table is Yoongi. Apparently the older catches on the underlying meaning behind it all.
Jimin noticing the strange expression on Hoseok’s face frowns, “Are you in pain, hyung?”
Yoongi smirks – that meddlesome Jung Hoseok truly deserves it. How can he say that out of blue? Yoongi glances at Jimin and notices that the younger doesn’t catch onto anything. Is Jimin really that oblivious? Why is Yoongi the only one getting hot and bothered at the thought of sleeping together? Screw Hoseok! Sleeping with Jimin does come to mind (once in a while), he reluctantly admits, but being brought out in the open like that is not cool at all! Yoongi blushes furiously and curses Hoseok thousandth times in his head.
“Yeah,” Hoseok hisses while rubbing his shin to soothe the pain. “Um,” he utters distractedly. “A bug bit me. A feisty, old bug hit- oh no I mean bit me,” he flusters.
Jimin doesn’t seem to understand what Hoseok is on about but doesn’t approach the subject any further. Instead, he keeps stealing glances at the pink haired man sitting right across from him. He notes that Yoongi doesn’t seem to act any different, as if what happened that day was just a delusion made from the dark part of his mind. But Jimin knows that it’s not a dream – the feel of Yoongi’s hand in his that night is as real as it can get, there’s no denying it. And Yoongi’s shy yet the most beautiful smile Jimin has ever seen in his entire life, which only meant for him, was anything but a figment of his imagination.
And here is Yoongi again; right in front of him, sitting with one foot perched on top of the stool while the other dangles on the side, in that wrinkled white tee and ripped jeans, his newly lit cigarette in one hand and a beer mug in the other.
But he looks nothing sort of but gorgeous in Jimin’s eyes.
Is this love?
As if sensing the thoughts going through his mind, those cat-like eyes drawn to him intensely and Jimin, knows his answer.
+
They sit next to each other again in the bus ride on the way to home. It feels like it’s been a while since the last time they sat next to each other like this – Yoongi on the window seat while Jimin is right next to him. Jimin always lets Yoongi takes the window seat. He knows how much the elder loves the view and the feeling of being the closest to the window and see the world passes by. And Yoongi doesn’t need to tell him all of this because Jimin sees it – the satisfaction glimmering in those dark eyes and the relaxed upturn of the elder’s mouth.
“It’s been a long while, huh, hyung?” Jimin says with that smile Yoongi comes to love so much, his hands on his lap.
Yoongi only hums. He stares at the view outside for a while before turning to face Jimin, surprised to find that the younger is already staring at him for a while now with a soft smile on his face. Yoongi’s hope is raising sky high right now and the thumping of his heart is getting out of control. Doesn’t Jimin understand what Yoongi has to go through? The suspense is killing him. He has been more than patient enough. So without further ado, Yoongi opens his mouth, “I know you told me to wait but it has been three days. I can’t handle this emotional roller coaster and yes, I am a musician and I should be handling and use these emotions for my own beneficiary. But I can’t be in this torture for so long anymore! So if you don’t like me the same way I do to you then man up and tell me about it now! Stop torturing me,” Yoongi doesn’t realise that in the midst of his rant, his hands have wandered to Jimin’s collar, shaking the younger back and forth. He can see Jimin’s eyes widen and Yoongi sarcastically congratulates himself inwardly – great! Now I scared the poor guy. There goes that hope.
Jimin silently takes Yoongi’s hands away from his collar and arranges them on top of the other on Yoongi’s lap. Yoongi takes that moment to stare at his hands, waiting for Jimin to pry his away.
The seconds tick by and yet Jimin’s hands are still there, on top of his own, in his lap.
“Yoongi hyung,” Jimin calls out softly just as the bus stops. There are two more stops before Jimin’s and Yoongi is in a hurry. But the elder doesn’t say anything, afraid in ruining their moment. When Yoongi looks up to meet Jimin’s warm brown eyes, he prepares himself for the big reveal. “I’ve been thinking a lot these past few days – quite a lot if you must know,” Jimin chuckles. “I don’t know what part of me that you find appealing but looking at you now, even days before, I realized how much I don’t want people to see you like I do – the beautiful you,” Yoongi smacks him on the arm, muttering I’m not a damn girl under his breath. Jimin smirks seeing his hyung blush, “I’m completely sure you’re a man, hyung. So what I meant to say is, don’t pull the avoiding thing again, hyung. Namjoon and Hoseok hyung told me all about it. And…” the bus stops – it’s Jimin’s. The conductor is looking at them suspiciously in the rear view mirror, expecting Jimin to step out. But Jimin isn’t finish yet. “And I want you to stay here, next to me, just like on this bus, always.”
Yoongi has waited months for this moment;
“Yes,” Yoongi’s voice is hoarse, a sure sign that he is about to cry. But he doesn’t need to act cool or strong anymore, because Jimin is here now, Yoongi’s sweet Jimin, so accepting and kind that Yoongi doesn’t regret falling in love with him in the first place.
And there’s that warmth of Jimin’s hands caressing from the sides of his to neck to his cheeks. Yoongi sighs and closes his eyes, one hand latches onto Jimin’s wrist lightly. “You want me to kiss you?” Yoongi can hear the teasing note in Jimin’s soft voice. The warmth from Jimin’s hands spread to his cheeks like wildfire and before he utters his reply, there’s a soft pressure on his lips. It lasts for five seconds – Yoongi counted – before Jimin slowly parts away. Yoongi’s eyes flutter open and the first thing he sees is Jimin’s beautiful smile. “You’re surprisingly submissive, hyung,” he laughs and for the first time, Yoongi is too embarrassed to hit the younger on the head.
They pass Jimin’s stop. But it doesn’t matter, Yoongi’s stop is next or they can always walk to Jimin’s apartment anyway.