Chapter Text
You weren't exactly the most interesting person back in your hometown. You worked a part time job at the library and you had a small apartment not too far away from it. The townsfolk were all nice, save for the apprehension they had upon your arrival. It was primarily a monster town, not that you weren’t used to that. They, however, were not used to a human waltzing into their town. And they especially weren’t used to said human asking to live there.
You weren’t planning to stay more than a couple years.
The internet had been acting up for a while. The library was trying their best to fix it, but there was something, metaphorically, clogging up the signal. They tried everything, from resetting the modem, to completely shutting off every bit of technology inside the library. Nothing worked. They asked you to come in and look at it, seeing as you were more tech-savvy than they were. You agreed, mostly out of boredom and the insatiable need to use your phone again. You had to work the next day anyway; it wouldn’t hurt to come in a little early.
You were going to check up on the router in the computer room; now you were laying in a pile of trash. Look, you weren’t searching for adventure. But it was apparently looking for you. As soon as you stepped into the computer room, you were falling. A black abyss swallowed any light from your world as everything you knew faded from view. You landed on some sort of green rubber mulch. It stretched on, deep into the horizon.
But of course, destiny wasn’t through with you yet. You had made your way to an “ending” of the green rubber pasture. You could see the outline of a city not far from where you were. The only problem was that there seemed to be no streets to enter it. You asked around, and a kind monster told you that the railway in front of you would take you into the city. Great! Not. Turns out, the railway wasn’t actually finished, and you were sent careening off into another pit.
So now, fully cushioned by scrapped documents and folders, you stared off into space. You weren’t sure where you were, not to mention the monster you met before didn’t look like any from your hometown. In fact, you weren’t fully convinced you weren’t in some sort of purgatory. A place that mashes together memories to keep you trapped forever. At this point, you would accept it.
You shifted, and a cluster of documents fell down the pile of trash. Or, whatever it was. If it was a trash pile, it was in a pretty odd place. And for a trash heap, it sure didn’t smell like one. It was convenient, sure, but it didn’t make sense. Who would get rid of so much paper anyway? You slid off the pile, thankful for your jacket covering any bits susceptible to paper cuts.
You dusted yourself off, and left the alcove you dropped into. You were seemingly stuck in the backside of the city. No matter where you looked, it was back-streets and alleys. One alleyway led to another, then another. You ran your hand across the building walls. They were cold and rough against your fingertips. Most were the same, just a small cut from another building. But others…
This particular alley was the most exciting one you found so far. There was a poster on the wall advertising some sort of cleaner by "Queen". There was another torn one on the far side as well. There was a large dumpster in between them. It was blue. Or no– maybe it was green. No- it was-
The lid slammed open. You step back.
"HEY EVERY !! IT'S ME !!
EV3RY BUDDY 'S FAVORITE [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]
SPAMT
SPAMTON G. SPAMTON"
A small jingle plays. You hope it was from his mouth.
His head turns towards you and he seems to get even more excited.
"WOAH IF IT ISN'T A
LIGHT N3R!!"
He hops out of the trash bin and lands surprisingly gracefully. You take another step back. Looking at him fully, he slightly reminded you of a nutcracker. His mouth definitely seemed strong enough to be one. Or that puppet from Saw. Looking at him more thoroughly, you had to admit the latter was more accurate. Other than the pink and yellow bicolored glasses he wore, he was almost identical.
Snapping shocks you out of your head.
"I'M PITCHING A GREAT [Deal] HERE KID, AREN'T YOU LISTEN1NG??" He reaches just below your shoulder in height.
“Sorry. Just never seen a monster like you before. Or anything around here, to be honest.”
“THAN HOW ABOUT A [Littol] TOUR???”
You shrug. “Sure.”
He straightens up. "THAT'S THE SPIRIT YOU [Little slime]!” He points a finger dangerously close to your face. He hardly seems aware of your flinch away. “I'LL TAKE YOU TO MY [Homemade storefront site] AND WE'LL [Take on the world]!" He returns his hand to his hip.
His little outbursts made you crack a smile.
He led you back through a few different alleyways until you found your way to a giant opening. You recognized this place, especially with the dent still in the pile you crash landed in. He pays no mind to it, happily trotting through an archway. You follow close behind. Ducking underneath the archway, you’re met with a relatively new sight. A lot, filled with broken cars, precedes a pathway to a trash mound. It had a door stuck to the front of it, barely hanging on. Spamton reaches the door first, quickly unlocking it.
"HONEY, I'M [Home sweet home]!"
He swings open the door and you see inside. The wall at the back had been "painted" to represent the sky, with a blocky sun in the corner surrounded sparsely with blocky clouds. On the right side was a black rotary phone, occasionally ringing. It was shrouded in a similar darkness to the one you fell into. The wall seemed to be clipping into it. It was constantly shifting, though it never left the small boundary it set for itself.
"I'LL JUST BE A [Minute Made Meal] AND THEN WE'LL BE ON OUR [Way to go]!
You nod and observe the painting once again. It was strangely beautiful. You never thought about how special the sky was. This place, whatever it was, seemed to only have darkness. So much so, that any light from your world eroded before reaching it. It was odd. But it wasn’t unmanageable . The choice was still strange; a sunny-scape in a place with seemingly no sun.
…How did he know what it looked like?
Spamton reappears about a minute later. "OK OK LET'S [Go for it]!" And he's already practically out the door.
You left his shop trailing behind the jittering blur. He was intriguing to say the least.
"AH I ALMOST [[Forget your 4.99 life]] TO ASK [Your Name Here]!!"
You had forgotten as well. He was so boisterous you barely felt the need to comment on anything. You told him your name, and he parroted it back to you. Then he seemed to think on it, and eventually nodded, as if he was satisfied with your name.
"WELL [Doll], YOU'RE STUCK HERE WITH ME NOW. BEST YOU GET USED TO THE [Ware and tear]"
He turned back to the road and trotted along. You did not.
“Did you just… call me ‘doll’?”
He hardly acknowledges you. “THAT I DID”
After a second, you follow after him, not needing many steps to catch up. Your strides were much bigger than his, so you had to consciously slow yourself.
“So… Where exactly are we going?”
“YOU’RE GONNA [Love it or leave it] THIS PLACE. TRUST ME.”
He leads you through a series of backways and side streets; swerving through the city, easily staying out of sight of the public. How long has he been doing this, you wonder. Finally you come to a stop. He turns to you, like you know what’s going on. You don’t.
“Uhh bud. This is a wall.”
“IT IS.” He taps on a specific part of the wall with the back of his knuckles. “THIS, IS [Not quite]”
“We’re going through a wall?” you say in disgust. He cackles.
“NO!!” He gives you one last award losing smile and hops in. There’s no thud. You look at the ripple created from his entrance, but see nothing of the other side. You kick a rock from nearby inside. Still nothing. You sigh and give up. You step in and fall.
Like when you miss a step going up the stairs, you stumble as you hit the ground much sooner than expected. You look up to see Spamton juggling the rock you had kicked in earlier. He sees you and flashes another, more devious, smile. You huff and lean down on your knees.
“Could’ve warned me.”
He gives a small laugh as he flicks the rock back through the portal. “WHAT’S THE [Funtime] IN THAT, [Doll]?”
You crack a smile, but shake your head to be rid of it as you stand as normal. And when your eyes finally focus on the scene in front of you, you almost want to cry. It was beautiful.
The city lights the sky in a brilliant neon halo, blending into the grid lines that seemed to reach infinitely. A ferris wheel spins slowly in the distance, and you can barely make out the heart shape of the carriages. You look down and see the chaos of the city below. Advertisements, cars, viruses and ambulances. The light glow of the street reflects the neon signs above. The flickering signs, and loud horns. The crowds gathered around different stores. The dark and light blended together so nicely.
You stared in wonder, probably longer than you should have.
“SO WAS I [Write] OR WAS I [Wright]” You look back down at Spamton. He was watching the city as well, but it looked more solemn than anything. He digs into his blazer and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He takes one out gently and places the pack back in his jacket. Grabbing onto it with his teeth, he snaps his fingers and sparks fly out, lighting the cig.
“You- you smoke?” He jumps a bit in surprise, like he was lost in thought. He turns to you. “You know that’s bad for you right?” He gives out a forced laugh, then takes a drag. The smoke leaks out before he even has a chance to open his mouth.
“I’M A [Puppet] IT DOESN’T [You matter!] ANYMORE.” You look back at the city. You feel his eyes still on you for a second before he too looks at the city.
“How’d you find this place?”
“WHEN THE [World Wide Web] FORGETS ABOUT YOU, YOU FIND OTHER THINGS THEY [Forgot to lock the door?]” He takes another drag, and lets the smoke flow through the city breeze.
You both stand there wordlessly, as the world carries on.
“It’s beautiful.”
You steal a glance at Spamton. He stares on, or at least that’s what it looked like, since the glare on his glasses was even harsher now.
“I USED TO COME HERE WHEN I WAS A [Big Shot]. TIME [Flyes] DOESN’T IT?” He lets the last of the smoke drift off as he flicks the bud down to the city below. You hear a crackle pop and swivel just in time to see Spamton take his hand off his jaw and fall back into his customer service smile.
“WELL [Doll] HOW ABOUT SOME [Breakfast, lunch, and dinner]?”
You were a bit hungry. You think for a moment before deciding that it couldn’t hurt to indulge.
“Sure.”
“YOU’RE [Buying] HAEAHAEAHA”
“Wh– Hey!!”
You shout at him and chase him back through the portal, praying he doesn’t make it to a shop first.
.
You chased Spamton through the backways and alleyways he had shown you before. You were surprised how much you could remember, but it probably helped to see him running through it too. You take a right, then a left, and then you round the corner and you practically trip over yourself as you try to stop on a dime.
Spamton had stopped completely, and was staring ahead. You follow his gaze and see the open road and part of the city. And a pink advertiser. They weren’t even looking in your direction. But Spamton’s hair seemed to stand on end, and his glasses had static coursing through them.
“Spamton?” He stays still for a moment, then turns around, going back the way you came.
“Let’s go a [Different] way.” He seemed to be walking faster than normal, as your regular steps just barely kept up. You follow him back the way you came until he makes a left into deeper darker territory.
This particular alley seems to have been abandoned, with old posters still hung up and large cracks in the road clearly clipping through the floor. Spamton didn't slow down, but you had stopped to stare at one of the posters in front of you.
"Big Shot Autos
Take a ride around town in our special-"
The rest was too faded and torn to be able to read. It sported a fancy looking fellow, not unlike Spamton, with a red suit and a peppy smile. It was… cute? No, that wasn’t quite the word you were looking for. Familiar, might be the closest to what you were feeling. Your world wasn’t a stranger to car salesmen, after all. And that phrase. Big shot autos. Why do you feel like that’s something you’ve heard before?
Suddenly you hear the pitter-patter of footsteps and turn just in time to see Spamton run past you. All you could hear was him yelling "run" but you didn't know what from. You turned to look further in the dark alley, not entirely knowing what you were hoping to see. From out of the dark jumps two strange looking cat creatures. That was enough reason to start running, you thought.
You turn to sprint away, but your jeans get caught on one of the cracks in the floor, and you fall onto your hands. All you could do was turn to look at the two predators stalking you and pray you would survive. You could feel your heart racing, but time seemed to crawl as you stared on. One stays behind, still shrouded partially by the darkness of the alley. The other leaned down, readying itself to pounce. This was it then. It lunges at you, and you brace yourself for the jaws of whatever this creature was.
But instead you hear a strange thud, and you open your eyes to see Spamton. He was holding out his arms, projecting some sort of screen with ever changing green scribbles on them. The cat creature shook off its sudden collision, and seemed ready to fight once more.
Spamton looked back at you, glasses shining brightly in the dark. "You [Ok]?" All you could give was a small nod, but it was enough for him. He put down his arms and the screens disappeared. Then he seemed to straighten himself, and with a flick of his wrist an arrow shot up from the ground. It targeted one of the cats and chased it around the small corridor.
Then he grabbed something from inside his mouth. It was deep blue, and orb shaped. He tossed it at the other cat and it shattered in front of it. The orb seemed to contain a bunch of little mini Spamtons, and they all nipped and grabbed at the cat creature.
Spamton whirled around and grabbed your arm. "THOSE WILL ONLY [Distract] THEM FOR SO [Long time no see]" He pulled you up out of the hole, and you both booked it back to the trash heap.
When you finally made it back you were left wheezing in front of the store. You haven’t run like that since… probably highschool. Spamton was catching his breath as well, but he seemed a bit more accustomed to it. Right. Trash guy. He probably deals with stuff like that all the time.
He finally stands back up straight and huffs, “I [Hate] RUNNING IN [H3els].”
“What?”
You look down, and lo and behold, he’s wearing white heels. They blended in so perfectly with his white pants you didn’t even notice before. How the hell did he run for so long in those things?
“WELP! [Thyme] TO OPEN UP SHOP!” He unlocks the door and lets it swing open. You finally catch your breath enough to stop him from going inside.
“Wait. Teach me how to fight.”
He looked at you, yet you couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His expression was somehow neutral even with his large smile. Finally, he sighs and fully turns towards you.
“I’LL TEACH YOU HOW TO [Fight me!] BUT ONLY IF I GET YOUR [S0ul].”
This surprises you quite a bit. “Whoa, slow your roll pal. I’m not giving you my soul.”
“EH? I DON’T [Want it? Need it!] I JUST WANT TO [Looky here!]”
“Look at it? Isn’t a soul not tangible?” He laughs at your answer and motions for you to come with him. He walks to a relatively clear spot and you stand with him.
“I’LL [Startup] WITH FIGHTING.” He motions for you to stay where you were, and he walks a little bit away before stopping. “THOSE [Cool Cats] HAVE NO CLASS, BUT MOST DARKN3RS WILL [Engaged] WITH YOU FIRSt!!” He reaches out towards you, and you feel something within you stirring. Then it pops out, and you feel the scenery around you change. Like time was crawling to a standstill once again. You look at what you assume is your soul. It was heart shaped.
“UNLIKE DARKN3>RS, YOU HAVE THE [Light]. YOU CAN [Summon] A WEAPON OF [Cho1ces]. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS [Willing] IT INTO EXISTENCE” You didn’t quite understand what he was saying. You close your eyes in thought. A weapon of choice. You didn’t want to actually hurt anyone, so it had to be blunt. You peeked open an eye, and noticed a succinct lack of weaponry within your hand. You glance back at Spamton, and he seems to sigh. “DIDN’T YOU [[Drop in]] WITH SOMETHING??? CH3CK UR [Pocket space]”
You nod and search inside your jacket pocket. You feel something that wasn’t there before. You pulled out the handle, and what followed was not something blunt, but a dagger of some sort. You could hear Spamton cheer from where he was standing, so you assumed this was your ‘weapon of choice’.
“I'LL [let 'em have it] THIS TURN, BUT I'LL [attack] ON THE NEXT” You nod and steady yourself with the dagger. "THAT [Bayonet] MAY COME WITH SOME SKILLZ!! LETS SEE WHAT Y OU CAN DO"
Once again you just had to believe what he was saying was true. You stared at your soul, hoping for some guidance, and a small set of words popped up. You reach out to it, and it seems to react, understanding your will to know a bit more about what was happening.
The words scramble and eventually display information on Spamton. “Spamton – He wants to make a DEAL but don’t give him your MONEY. ” It was as if your soul was screaming at you to just leave him be, but how could you? He had been relatively kind so far, and he did save you. You mentally shrugged off those thoughts. The words quickly disappeared after. From across the way you see Spamton ‘using’ his turn as well.
“TRANSMIT KROMER” You were definitely in over your head. While your turn started once again, Spamton spoke over it. “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING A NICE [Splurge] EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE”
You decide to try out a skill this time. Even though you knew Spamton was hardy, you didn’t want to hurt him more than necessary. You opt to defend yourself in hopes of learning how he attacks, before going in yourself. You bring your bayonet closer to your chest, and widen your stance a bit. Spamton notices your stance change, and lets out a laugh coated with venom.
"NEXT TIME PICK AN [Attacking Toucans] MOVE"
You ready yourself. He takes a step and his smile seems to get wider. "Get Big and WIN [W1ld Pr1zes!]"
He opens his mouth and you find yourself slowly moving towards him. He was sucking in your soul. You try your best to fight against the vacuum, but a few stray attacks hit you on the way to his mouth. You could feel yourself losing health, but you stood your ground. You just had to see this through. Finally the attack ends, and it was your turn once again.
Spamton again talks over your menu popping up. "PRESS [f1] FOR HELP"
This makes you pause. "Huh? F1?" Before you could even comprehend what it meant, a small chime plays and a mini Spamton with wings floats down and pats you on the head. It was strangely comforting. You could feel yourself getting healthier, and the mini Spamton smiles at you before poofing away. Honestly not the weirdest thing you've seen today.
Regaining your focus, you look at your soul again and see there's a new Act.
Deal.
You know it's probably the right answer, but you don't want to make a deal with Spamton yet. You already owed him for the cat fight, you didn't need more stuff on top of that. You opted to just spare him instead. He looks disappointed, and shakes his head. “WRONG.”
He once again opens his mouth wide, but instead a bunch of mini spams jump out running towards you. You get ready to defend yourself, but as the first one gets close enough to jump at you, it just latches onto your torso. It didn’t even attempt to damage you in the slightest, and seemed content to just stay there. You lower your guard as the rest of them latch onto you. They were… surprisingly sweet? You hear Spamton make a sound similar to a train horn, and his face had turned a bright red. After stuttering a bit, he swept out an arm, and everything created from the battle in the area dispersed.
You feel time resuming as normal, and your soul and weapon are nowhere to be seen. Spamton huffs out steam as he walks back over to you.
"DON'T EXPECT THOSE CHERUBS FOR [Free]. NEXT TIME YOU ASK FOR [Help Me! Help-] IT'LL COST YOU!!!"
That reminded you of a question. "Are they connected to you?"
Spamton nods, "OF [Coarse]!! THEY'RE TIED TO MY [[Magic]], THEY'RE A PART OF ME!!!" He demonstrates this by clasping his hands together, then opening them up to reveal a mini cherub in his hands. You couldn't help but coo at it, it was just so dang adorable. You reach out to give it a small pat on the head, and you swear you could see Spamton’s cheeks redden. More than usual. The cherub happily chirps in his hands. It was so fucking cute.
Spamton clasps his hands back together and it disappears. He runs one of his hands over his hair, smoothing it out. “ANYWAY [Doll] LET'S HEAD BACK INSIDE AND [Check out] YOUR S0UL”
You nod and follow him back inside his store.
He motions for you to sit on the side of his desk closest to the door. He plops down on the chair on the other side. When you sit down, you realize you’re actually kind of nervous. Like being at the doctor’s office for a check up or something. It was stressful but in the least stressful way. You fiddle with your hands underneath the desk, waiting for Spamton to look at your soul. What was he even going to do? Was he going to experiment on it or something? Probably shouldn’t think about it, you thought, as you got even more nervous. Your fidgeting got worse as well.
“[Doll]” You snap your head back up to Spamton, who looked somehow bored and amused at the same time. “I WON’T [It hurts, it hurts!] YOU”
All you could do was nod, and swallow some of the anxiety away. Spamton reaches out a hand, and you assume he was going to pull out your soul. But the familiar pull wasn’t there, and his hand was still extended towards you. You give him a scared glance, and he doesn’t move an inch. So you place your hand in his, and he gently holds it. Then he lightly places his other hand on top of yours. He was surprisingly warm for a puppet.
You couldn’t read anything on his face, his glasses covered his eyes and his smile was the same as ever. But somehow, whether it was real or not, you could almost see him relax. Like he was fine just sitting with your hand in his. You didn’t even notice yourself calming down. You just stared at your hands tangled together. It was nice to feel someone hold you, even if it’s just for a little while.
“BET>TER?”
You nod. He lets go of your hand. He begins to draw out your soul, and the familiar pull no longer scares you. When your soul appears, he gently pulls it closer to him and begins looking at it. Any touch on your soul seemed to course through your whole body. Like a warm pulse from your chest. You close your eyes and feel it all. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t call it amazing either. It was pleasant. You could probably fall asleep like this. You didn’t notice how tired you were before, but now it was hitting you like a truck.
You crossed your arms on the desk and laid your head on them. You would just take a small nap until Spamton was done. You assumed he wouldn’t mind anyway.
.
You feel someone tapping you awake, so you open your eyes and lift your head up. You were still hazy, but you could tell it was Spamton anyway. He was pretty much unmistakeable. Blinking yourself awake, you see Spamton let your soul float back into place.
“Does that mean you’re done?”
“YES. YOUR SOUL IS [Kindness]. IT’S… [Not quite right]” You had no idea what he was saying. But your soul was kind. You guessed that was a good thing. “ANYW>AY LET’S GET YOU A [#%$&]ING [Dumpster] TO LAY DOWN IN” He seems to scowl at himself upon saying that, like he knew it sounded just as bad as it seemed. You both get up and Spamton closes the shop behind you.
“I just hope wherever it is, it’s quiet.”
“I’LL DO MY [Best dressed]”
You walk through the darkness to a familiar sight. The trash can you had the strange misfortune of finding Spamton inside of. It was quieter than the city was, but it still wasn’t great. You stared at it for a while. You could see out of the corner of your eye, Spamton was fidgeting nervously.
It was definitely cyan. Final answer.
You sigh and walk over to it, lifting the lid. It was empty (thank god) all except for a pillow sitting inside. You look back to Spamton, who was still fidgeting.
“SORRY IT’S NO [5 Star Hotel] BUT IT’S [all i have…]”
Yeah that made it worse. If Spamton literally only had this to sleep with, you would not be taking it. Not even for one night.
“I can find somewhere else to sleep it’s ok-” Spamton seems to flare up at that. Like you accidentally flipped a switch, he puffs out his chest and starts to argue with you.
“NO [No no no no no] NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! YOU’RE A LIGHTN3.R!! YOU NEED IT MORE THAN [Please let me have it.]” He quickly snaps his mouth shut after that last bit. Ah. So he was just being polite. But you had a feeling if you tried to deny it again he would keep on insisting. There had to be something…
“Well I’m used to sleeping with a roommate. It would be pretty hard to sleep without one.” He crosses his arms and seems to think on it. You could almost see the buffering wheel on his face. Actually- you could’ve sworn they appeared very faintly on his glasses. Then he huffs out a sigh and extends a hand.
“fine fine fiNE FINE FINE. YOU [Twisted] MY ARM SO I’LL [Twisted] BACK. ONLY FOR [One night only!] THOUGH” It was good enough. You could fight him every day if you had to. You shake his hand, and realize it was the first deal you struck with him. Well, that you did willingly.
Spamton hops in the dumpster easily, while you have to hoist yourself inside. You’re pretty sure a dog would have landed inside more elegantly than you. You grab the lid and close it after getting back up.
It was a spacious dumpster, and you could spread out pretty comfortably. Spamton was curled up on the other side. He was practically as small as he could get like that. You felt bad, but what could you do? You were barely acquaintances at this point. You were too exhausted to help, and honestly you had your own problems to deal with internally. You lay down, and use your jacket as a makeshift blanket. You close your eyes and hope you could fall asleep easily. You lie there for a long while.
You heard a bit of shuffling and peeked open an eye. You couldn’t really see anything through the darkness, but you noticed Spamton’s form was now lower than before. He must’ve grabbed his pillow. You close your eyes once more.
And finally, you fell asleep.