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Being dead is boring - this is the conclusion that Salazar Slytherin comes to, not for the first time in almost a thousand years.
Being dead focuses on observing the living world, where something is happening all the time. However, they are unable to do anything about the events unfolding before their eyes. People change, the world changes. Words are misrepresented and distorted, history - overwritten.
This has been going on for years before the eyes of the four Hogwarts' Founders. Salazar Slytherin, Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff and Rowena Ravenclaw have been watching their castle for centuries. They watch as opinions about their Houses change. They see Slytherin House becoming a House of dark wizards. They see Gryffindor House become the House of heroes. They see Ravenclaw House becoming the House for smart. They see Hufflepuff House becoming the House that “takes all the rest”.
They don't like what they see, but they can't do anything about it.
They are, after all, dead.
They are dead, so they can only observe the changing world. Some changes are good, others are bad.
“I have a bad feeling,” announces Rowena Ravenclaw one day. “I see darkness and a storm approaching.”
And when Rowena says something like that, it never ends well.
During her life, Rowena was one of the most powerful Seers this world has seen. Even after her death, she didn't lose her gift - though she now sees only tiny fractions of the future.
Rowena's vision turns out to be true. Soon the world is in the middle of a war - a war of both muggles and wizards. Country is pitted against country; the skies are crossed by fighter planes. Wizards are killing each other as part of the “greater good”, as Gellert Grindewald calls it.
As always, where great evil appears, there is also a hero who is ready to face it. This time it is Albus Dumbledore - a man whose actions the Hogwarts' Foundershave been watching closely for years.
Grindewald loses, but that doesn't mean it's the end.
“It's just the beginning,” says Rowena, and her eyes don't seem to see them. “Another war is coming. Perhaps worse than this one. I see my brother's two heirs fighting against each other, one of them falling, and with it, darkness, engulfing the world again.”
Salazar squeezes his sister's shoulder. They may not bear the same name - Rowena decided to create her own name and use it - but they are brother and sister. The world has forgotten this, just as it has forgotten so many other things.
“I knew that having children was a mistake,” mutters Salazar, feeling like breaking down. Not for the first time, anyway.
His wife slaps him gently on the back of the head.
“Once you say something like that again, I’ll start quiet days,” Helga warns him.
“I'm sorry,” he says quickly.
Godric laughs out loud at this short conversation. Each of them knows how much Salazar loved - and still loves - his children. That can't be said of his descendants, who have strayed from the right path over the years.
“Sal, better not do it,” advises his friend. “Hela will fulfill her threat.”
And sometimes she did. Once, after a particularly unpleasant argument, Helga did not speak to Salazar for almost a year. Salazar doesn't want to repeat it. Neither does Godric, because when Helga and Salazar quarrel, he is always torn over whose side to take - his best friend's or his sister's. The fact that Salazar is his wife's brother doesn't help.
Salaz never fully understood how the four of them had found each other. He and Rowena never wanted to deal with these crazy siblings who one day stood in their way. Even less did they want to fall in love.
Salazar is able to understand his feelings. Helga was the first witch (besides his sister, of course) who didn't just see his power, his name or his money. Helga saw in him only Salazar, a man like many. She didn't pay attention to his roots, didn't let him rule her (which he sometimes cursed). Helga was completely different from all the women he met - weak, interested only in home and children. Helga was a breath of fresh air, something new and challenging. She showed him a completely different world.
But Godric? What was it that Rowena saw in him? He was just a brute, vulgar, naïve – an honorable fool.
“I'm not that awful, 'Ric,” protests Helga.
“No,” agrees Godric. “You're even worse.”
This time it's he who earns a blow to the back of the head. They are not material, but Helga is some kind of strange spirit and if she tries, her blows hurt.
“Sit quietly, you idiots,” says Helga.
“Don't call me that at a time when the same blood flows in us, Hela.”
“We no longer have blood,” Salazar reminds him.
“Sal, whose side are you on?” Godric asks. “I was convinced that the two of us were defending ourselves against Helga.”
“Today? On my wife's side. It's her punches that hurt.”
“Children,” comments Rowena. “All three of you are children that never grew up.”
“Ro, don't act like you are more innocent,” smiles Salazar at her. “I remember how just two years ago you were dancing barefoot, because–”
“No, no, no!” Rowena interrupts him. “That was a long time ago and not true! You won't tell me that I did something like that!”
“But I also saw it,” says Helga in an innocent tone.
“You were not there. You were busy with my brother.”
“Really? Then how could he have seen you?”
Rowena blushes a little, as she always does when she gets overexcited or slightly embarrassed.
For a moment they forget about her vision. They laugh like in the old days. It's been almost a thousand years since they first met, but all the while their friendship is as strong as it was when they were alive.
The Founders, as few people now know, were four friends. Twice brother and sister, who loved to tease each other, but would jump into the fire for each other if necessary. Twice husband and wife, madly in love with each other.
No matter how many times they argued, they always reconciled.
This is also the case now.
So they continue to observe the world of the living. And while they have reason to rejoice - the wizarding and muggle worlds have just ended a massive, agonizing war - they feel that some invisible burden is weighing them down. With each passing day, Rowena is growing more and more grimmer.
“I can see the future more and more clearly,” she says one day. “But something is missing from it. An important element. I don't know if we will win this time.”
She says “we”, although she is not directly involved in the wizard wars of the twentieth century.
The Founders are wondering what they can do about the situation. It seems that they can do nothing - just observe the world of the living.
That is, until Mother Magic and Death appear before them.
They know Death. How could they not know it, when it was it who took them here, to this immaterial world?
Death rarely interferes in the affairs of the living. This time it is assisted by Mother Magic - as they call the woman who is the avatar of magic. The Founders don't know why she decided to take on this form and not another, but they have learned not to ask questions (yes, even Rowena).
What follows is a long conversation about alternative futures, possibilities, ambitions and desires.
“That is,” Godric says after a long time, “in a nutshell, you believe that in the future there will be a fight between the Light and the Dark. A fight that the Light will lose if the dead do not lend a helping hand.”
“If the Light loses, magic - that is, me - will become corrupt,” explains Mother Magic. “And I would prefer to avoid such a fate. Death and I have looked at many possible futures, and we want to choose the best possible one.”
“And that's why you want me or Salazar to return to living word again,” concludes Helga, crossing her arms over her chest.
She knows why it should be her or her husband. It is their descendant who is supposed to be responsible for the future of this world.
“Exactly,” smiles Mother Magic innocently. “It's called reincarnation, dear children. Think of it as fixing your past mistakes.”
Mistakes that were not made by them.
Or perhaps they were? It is true that Salazar fought with Godric, then left Hogwarts, never to return.
(But how could he return when he was already dead?)
But the truth is that they argued. And it is possible that they got into a rather serious fight. It's also possible that Rowena was so furious with them afterward that she didn't talk to them for too long.
“C’mon, choose,” Mother Magic claps her hands, sounding like a child who just got his favorite toy. “Which one of you will take on this task?”
Salazar and Helga look at each other.
From what they've figured out, it won't be a pleasant task. One of them could lose a lot along the way. Just undertaking this mission means parting with three friends.
Over the past thousand years they have occasionally parted ways, but it never lasted more than two or three months.
This mission could last years.
If one of them decides to undertake this mission, they will condemn himself to years of loneliness and living undercover. They will not be allowed to reveal who they really are.
“Ro said that this person claims to be my heir,” Salazar begins softly. “So I should be the one to go.”
“Your heir is also my heir," pairs Helga.
“But if this person comes from our son, he bears my name, not yours.”
Helga tightens her lips. And they would probably argue about it for a long time if it weren't for Mother Magic, who smiles and snaps her fingers. And suddenly Helga looks at the void.
Salazar Slytherin's soul is no longer here.
“It’s been decided!” announces Mother Magic, ignoring Death’s quiet ‘can you at least one time think first and then act?’. “See you in a few decades!”
And she disappears, and with her Death.
The three Hogwarts Founders look at each other.
“Well, we have a problem,” Godric states, seeing Helga, who begins to curse Mother Magic.
“Well, then we have a problem,” confirms Rowena with a quiet sigh.
The soul of Salazar Slytherin takes over the body of a child who should have been stillborn.
This time he is a half-blood child. His mother is a witch, his father a muggle.
Eileen Snape gives him the name Severus Tobias Snape. This is a bit ridiculous, considering what memories the child's mind holds. Salazar Slytherin. Severus Snape. The initials of both names form SS. It is quite as if Eileen knows who her child really is.
The beginnings are difficult. It's strange to be alive again. It's even weirder to be a child again.
Salazar hates it with all his heart.
He didn't have time to say goodbye to his sister, his brother (yes, Godric is not related to him, but after so many years he is practically his brother) and his wife. They haven't managed to figure anything out. He doesn't even know exactly what to do.
Mother Magic gave him some rules to follow. First of all, he must not reveal who he is and was before. Second, he must not directly tell anyone the truth about the events of a thousand years ago. Third and last, he must not officially oppose the coming Darkness - because he was not sent here as a hero, but only as a support. Who exactly, Mother Magic doesn't know yet. Or maybe she knows, but doesn't want to tell him.
“Anything can happen,” she told him in a cheerful tone. “You are here as a safety net, the last element making sure that everything will be as it should be. Have a nice trip!”
And just like that, Salazar was reborn again.
The home where he is raised is not one of the nicest. He may have the mind of an adult, but he has the magic and body of a child. He doesn't always manage to escape the fists of the man who is his new father.
For someone like him, this is definitely an unpleasant situation.
So it's no surprise that he tries to stay out of sight and return home as late as possible. As Salazar, he was not fond of his parents' quarrels. As Severus, he hates watching them even more. He has no idea what Eileen Prince noticed about Tobias Snape.
He reads a lot - the modern world fascinates him. Until now he could only observe it, and now he lives as a part of it.
And although he lives in the muggle world, it doesn't bother him. Admittedly, he was previously born into a pure-blooded family, but they have always lived alongside muggles.
Despite appearances, Salazar Slytherin does not hate muggles, muggleborns and half-blood children. Yes, he objected before Hogwarts was opened to non-magical parents of children. He feared that one day muggles would attack Hogwarts, which was supposed to be a safe haven for young wizards.
But he never opted to kick the mugglesborns out of the castle. How could he, when Helga and Godric were muggleborns? At one time it happened that his entire House was made up of muggles - children who had no parental contacts or influence behind them. Children who had nothing - nothing but their skills, cleverness and ambition.
Helga looked for the hardworking and loyal. Rowena valued reason and knowledge. Godric loved those who were brave and honorable. Salazar collected those who could bounce back from the bottom.
Over time, the values they valued were somewhat overwritten and interpreted in their own way.
The girl has Helga's face.
More precisely, she has the face of their daughter - Salazar never met Helga when she was so young.
Above all, barely Salazar looks at her, he feels a strange closeness with her.
This girl - Lily Evans - is his.
They are separated by generations, but they are related to each other. She is his many "great" granddaughter. This is so strange - Lily has different eyes than his daughter. The tone of voice and behavior is also different. And yet it's the same face, the same nose, the same hair. It's Helga's hair that Salazar loves so much.
He is unable to stay away from her, especially the moment he realizes she is a witch. It's a gift her sister doesn't have - the blood of the Slytherin family has thinned over time, and so much so that by modern rules Lily is a “muggleborn”. No one knows who their ancestors are. No one knows that this particular girl is a descendant of Salazar Slytherin and Helga Hufflepuff.
Salazar wonders if the girl is parselmouth.
(He, in this life, is not - he found out one day in a muggle zoo. When it turns out that Lily is, he advises her hiding this gift.)
They become friends. Salazar quickly becomes something of a teacher to her - certain habits he is unable to get rid of.
He is not surprised when Lily receives a letter, inviting her to Hogwarts. The girl is entranced that the two of them will go there. Petunia is less pleased - although she doesn't have magic in her, some part of her wants to possess it.
And just like that, after almost a thousand years, Salazar Slytherin returns to Hogwarts again.
Godric's idiot hat is shocked when he realizes who is showing up. Severus almost has to force him to make the Assignment.
Severus ends up in Slytherin, which really isn't surprising (although for a moment Godric's idiot hat remembers who it belongs to and feels like playing a prank on him and throwing him into Gryffindor. Fortunately, these are only theoretical considerations that save the Sorting Hat from being burned).
Lily Evans gets into Gryffindor and it's a slight disappointment. Severus had hoped she would go to Slytherin, so they could continue their friendship.
On the other hand, it is perhaps a good thing that she is going to Gryffindor. His brother's house has a much better reputation than his own House.
It feels strange to be at Hogwarts again - this time not as a teacher, but as a student. Learning comes easily to him. He is especially passionate about Potions - something that was not available in his time.
Salazar Slytherin was teaching Dark Arts and Mind Magic, which is now divided into Legilimency and Occlumency.
Severus Snape should not show off these skills. Nowadays it is so easy to receive the stigma of a wizard - all you need is to be in Slytherin and to show an interest in Dark Arts.
This is something Salazar cannot understand. How are students supposed to defend themselves against it without knowing what the consequences of using it are and how exactly it works?
(Also, let's not exaggerate. Some of the current “Dark Arts” was normal spells in their time. Each of the Hogwarts' Founders used “Unforgivable Spells” and more than once.)
Hogwarts is also home to ghosts. Four of them are special, as they take care of the Houses in question.
Two of them Salazar knew during his lifetime.
One is his niece, the young (no longer young) Helena Ravenclaw. The other ghost is the man who killed her.
Severus wants to go to them right away to find out what actually happened. He wants to know why his sister's daughter haunts this castle. He wants to know what is causing her suffering.
He knows that he is not allowed to do this, because Mother Magic said clearly - he must not reveal himself, neither alive nor dead.
And no one in his right mind objects to the personification of magic.
(In fact, Severus has a feeling that some of the oldest portraits recognize him. He gives them a sharp look and that silences them.)
Severus Snape quickly gains enemies.
No, let’s say this differently - he gains them while still on the train to Hogwarts. James Potter and Sirius Black are supporters of Gryffindor. For them - or at least for James - the world is black and white. Gryffindor is good, Slytherin is bad. Severus, who likes Slytherin, is their opponent.
It all starts with verbal quarrels. And although Severus promises himself that he will not be provoked by them, he soon loses patience.
He's fed up with the way the two insult every Slytherin they see. He's sick of the disdain with which they speak of Hufflepuff House. He's sick of the fact that in their eyes, Ravenclaws are just nerds.
Godric would be so ashamed of them.
Severus tries a few times to correct them, to expand their black and white world a bit. It doesn't work and only brings him even more hatred.
He decides that they are lost causes and that he doesn't want to deal with them.
Unfortunately, this is not to be avoided. Severus and Lily are friends. James Potter is interested in the girl and in his eyes Severus becomes a rival. And to no avail are the explanations that Severus only looks at her as a friend or sister (he can't say “daughter” or “granddaughter”, can he?).
Yes, friendship between Severus Snape and James Potter or Sirius Black is not possible.
Somewhere in the middle of the first year, Severus realizes he has a small problem.
He looks too much like a Salazar Slytherin. He seemingly inherited the look from his father, but there is no doubt that if he stood next to his portrait from his youth in a few years, people would realize that they look alike.
That can't happen, so he cuts his hair in a different way. He would like to have longer hair, but he can't have it. This is a bit sad, but there's nothing he can do about it. He lets them reach his shoulders because, when he styles them properly and neglects them a bit, he doesn't resemble himself as much.
He also realizes that too much work on potions makes his hair greasy, further destroying his resemblance to Salazar Slytherin. Helga and Rowena would kill him for it, Godric would laugh at him, but he decides to leave his hair as it is.
What one doesn't do for the Mother of Magic, isn't it?
Besides, the potions are really passionate. Severus gets to know a completely different world. He is better than Slughorn, who teaches them, and because of this, the man hates him with a passion. Seemingly, Severus belongs to his "Slug Club", but the man would love to kick him out of there.
Severus would leave, too, if it weren't for the opportunity to gain new knowledge and – the most important - contacts.
Know your enemies - this is something that Godric has told him many times and that Salazar completely agrees with.
You can't win a war without knowing your enemies.
So when rumors start circulating around Hogwarts about “Lord Voldemort, Salazar Slytherin's heir”, Severus is interested. He begins to act in his own way - from the shadows. He approaches students who are passionate about blood purity and the ideals of "Lord Voldemort". He feigns interest in all this, without mentioning out loud that he himself is a half-blood and that he married a muggleborn.
(Not in this life, of course. Not that it will change anything. Salazar Slytherin has had only one lover in his entire life, and that is Helga.)
Getting involved with enemies is child's play. All you have to do is repeat their words after them. Severus is learning more and more about what Voldemort's plans are.
(Old habits die hard. Salazar remembers vividly the teachings their father tried to hammer into him and Rowena's heads.
Godric and Helga beat them out of his heads rather quickly.
But sometimes - like now - Salazar remembers. He remembers what the muggles did to his mother. He remembers how many wizards died because of them.
He remembers the hatred. It's so easy to lend venom to his words and pretend that this hatred is still in him.)
He would be lying if he said that Voldemort's plans do not anger him. A madman murdering in his name is not someone he would want for an Heir. He much prefers Lily.
For now, however, he is keeping his head down. He was always of the opinion that one should first gather information and then act. It was Godric who flew at the enemy with his sword in one hand, wand in other. Salazar provided him with information on where that enemy was and what his weaknesses were.
He is not a hero and does not intend to be one in this life, but he can improve the chances of the side he is on.
Severus' only friend is Lily Evans.
The older they get, the more this friendship is at a disadvantage. Lily is getting more and more beautiful, which catches James Potter's attention all the more. This causes him and his friends to often throw biting or sneering comments at Severus.
Severus allows them to do this because it is better for him to be the target of the children than anyone else. He defends himself if necessary. He doesn't attack on his own - after all, these are children, and he has decades of experience with them. He doesn't want to accidentally hurt them. As long as they are just words aimed at him, he doesn't care what they say about him. He is used to hatred. As Salazar, he encountered it more than once.
One day, during his fifth year, he allows himself to relax and it's a mistake.
James Potter finds him and decides to publicly humiliate him. Severus loses his wand and is unable to defend himself. In the end, it is Lily who clothes him and ends his ordeal.
Severus is furious.
Something like this should not have happened.
He was too gentle with the kids. What has it come to, that he, Salazar Slytherin, one of the most powerful wizards this world has known, would find himself in such a situation?
(“Sal, I've told you this many times, you're too soft on the students,” Godric's words echoes in his head. “I know they are kids, but don't let them get on your head.”
“Exactly," Helga backs him up, slamming her fist on her open palm. “You can massacre your enemies in a moment, but you will never raise your hand on your students. This gentleness will one day become your curse.”)
And it becomes one.
Severus makes a second mistake and spurns Lily Evans' outstretched hand.
“I don't need the help of a mudblood!” he growls.
Lily's face tenses, and he realizes what he has done.
“It wasn't meant to sound like that,” he says later, when the anger has subsided. “Believe me, I didn't mean to–”
“–call me a mudblood?” He is interrupted by Lily. “Severus, that's what you call anyone who comes from a muggle family. How am I different from them?”
And she walks away before he can stop her.
But Severus has no intention of giving in like that. He wouldn't be himself if he gave in.
So he tries to apologize to her, and more than once.
He knows why Lily reacts the way she does. Lily sees the kind of company he's in, and she doesn't like it. She worries that he might become like them.
One day Severus has had enough.
“We need to talk,” he says. He doesn't agree that their friendship should end like this. “Privately.”
“We have nothing to talk about,” Lily makes a gesture as if she is going to leave.
“Lily, please,” he almost begs her. “One conversation. If you want to leave after this, I will understand. I won't try to talk to you anymore. I won't get in your way. It will be as if we have never met, if that is the way you want it to be. Just give me this one conversation.”
Lily hesitates.
“Let it be,” she says reluctantly. “This one time.”
They hide in a closed classroom. Lily keeps her distance from him, which is the best indication of how this one argument has affected their friendship.
“There is a war coming,” Severus begins, without wrapping his mind around it.
“War?” Lily twitches.
“War,” Severus confirms. “I believe that one side will be the allies of "Lord Voldemort". And I believe that you will need someone who will be able to give you information about what he is up to. I don't think there is anyone else for this role at the moment other than me.”
“Are you crazy?” she asks.
“Someone once told me that you can't win a war without information,” Severus shrugs his shoulders. “I am able to provide them. If the price for this and for keeping your head is to call people "mudborn" in public, I am ready to do it. However, I apologize if it offended you. I promise you that I won't use that word again - not towards you or anyone else. I know I shouldn't have done it at the time, and I am ashamed of my behavior. I made a mistake and instead of being grateful to you, I insulted you.”
(“Huh,” Rowena lifts her head from above her papers. “So, when you want to, you can apologize. So be it, Sal. Let's put this argument behind us. But don't count on me to forget.”)
“I don't expect you to forgive me, but I count on you to understand that I know I was an idiot and that I made a mistake. I apalogize. Besides, I myself have no better background than you. I'm a half-blood, have you forgotten?”
That's all he wants to say.
He turns around and leaves Lily. He doesn't know if this is enough. All he knows is that friendship works both ways - both she and he have to care about it.
He has taken the first step to reconciliation.
The next step belongs to her.
“Hey,” mutters Lily one day as they work together on a potion (not their decision, it's just how they were divided).
“Hm?”
“Do you really want to do that?”
“What?”
“You know what.”
“Yes.”
“In that case, doesn't friendship with me interfere with your plans?” whispers Lily quietly enough that Severus has to work hard to hear her. “I'm a muggleborn, and you pretend to hate people like me.”
“It probably does," Severus admits. “But you're my friend. I care about you. I wouldn't want it all to end there.”
“But we probably shouldn't be friends in public anyway, right?”
They are just finishing their fifth year, but Severus' words are coming true. Voldemort is beginning to gain more and more allies.
A war is brewing that neither of them can stop. The war that Rowena predicted so many years ago.
(Perhaps Salazar could have ended it. Perhaps he could behave like Godric and succeed in killing Voldemort.
But he won't. Once, his powers are severely limited and he doesn't think he can win, not without proper preparation. Two, Mother Magic has forbidden him to get directly involved in the war. And three, Salazar has never liked playing the hero. That's the role of people like Godric or Helga.)
“Probably not,” mutters Severus.
Lily clasps her hands on the desk.
“I don't want to lose this friendship,” she says quietly. “But I also don't want to endanger you, Sev. I don't agree with what you want to do, but I know you are stubborn.”
“Thank you,” laughs Severus quietly.
That day their paths officially part.
Unofficially, however, the situation is quite different. Although the two of them can no longer be seen together, every now and then they talk to each other or send each other long-distance messages.
Their friendship becomes strange, scarred by the times in which they lived, but it does not die.
Never approach the Whomping Willow on a full moon - this is something Rowena should have told him years ago.
Unfortunately, she didn't.
Severus realized long ago that Remus Lupin is a werewolf. The boy disappears once a month, always on a full moon.
However, he wants to make sure that the boy transforms under controlled and safe conditions. He wants to make sure he doesn't endanger himself or others.
There is a werewolf in the Shrieking Shack. Severus has faced werewolves before, which is why he knows not to wake him or approach him. However, he wants to figure out that this one is in a stable environment.
James Potter destroys his plans, dragging him away from the werewolf and (in a way) saving his life in the process.
In a way, because Severus had the situation under control as much as possible.
All this makes him furious. These kids were friends with the werewolf! Don't they know how dangerous this creature is?
Apparently, they don't know.
Severus graduates from Hogwarts. Initially he is looking for some unobtrusive job for himself. He would dream of working in the castle again, but he doesn't know if this is possible.
Lily secretly sends him a letter informing him that she is getting married.
Severus does not approve of her choice, but seeing the words Lily uses, he realizes that she is happy. James Potter has matured in his last years of schooling and has taken a more serious interest in the girl. Severus only hopes that Lily does not make a mistake.
He feels a bit like a father, not knowing whether he should rejoice in her happiness or go now to threaten James and warn him that if he hurts her, he will have to deal with him.
A few months pass, then a year and a second, until finally Severus realizes that he cannot stand idly by. The war is going on beside him, and so far, he has done little. And although he considers this decision one of the stupidest and worst decisions he has made in his life, some time later he officially joins the ranks of the Death Eaters.
He doesn't agree with what they're doing but believes it's a role only he's suited for. He has yet to contact Albus Dumbledore - for the first few months the eyes of many are on him, as if watching to see if he is a traitor.
Something is wrong with Voldemort - he realizes this quite quickly.
Yes, this man is his descendant (alas, what a shame for the Slytherin family!). Yes, he is parselmouth. Yes, there is a bond between them.
But something is wrong. He is surrounded by dark magic. Too dense for one to think they are dealing with an "ordinary" wizard.
Rowena was right to call it “darkness”. Severus feels it, and every cell in his body cries out that something is wrong with this man. He puts a mask of impassivity on his face and pretends not to notice it at all.
“To be honest, I feel that this situation is beyond me,” he confesses one day to the graves of his wife, sister and brother. He can't see them, but he is almost able to sense their presence. He doesn't sense it always, but at this moment he knows that Godric, Rowena and Helga are here, next to him.
They are separated by death. In a few decades they will meet - but that is a distant future.
“I have no idea what I should do now,” Severus says. “You see, I would challenge the bastard to a spell duel and kill him, but Mother Magic said directly that it can't be done to me. Well, and that would be suicide, although I was already dead anyway, so it shouldn't deter me that much.”
He sighs heavily.
“It feels like it will end with me continuing my work as a spy,” he states. “I'm not too fond of it, well, and I don't know yet if the other side will accept me, but this seems to be the most sensible option.”
For a brief moment he has the feeling that his cheek is touched by Helga's cold, invisible hand. His wife can't help him, can't even speak to him. She tries to comfort him in some other way.
“I think I should go,” he says, rising from his knees. He leaves flowers on the graves, one for each of his family members. “I'll be back in a while.”
In 1980, Severus overhears an interview between Albus Dumbledore and Sybilla Trelawney. He doesn't plan to eavesdrop on her - coincidence has them in the same bar on the same day.
During the conversation, Sybilla begins to utter a prophecy - a prophecy that Severus never fully hears, as he is thrown out of the bar.
To be honest, he doesn't think, informing Voldemort of it.
Perhaps he is naive. Perhaps he is hoping that the news that there is someone capable of defeating him will sow a seed of insecurity in a man who has so far considered himself invincible. Perhaps he is counting on this one to understand that every tyranny has an end. Perhaps he is hoping that he will somehow succeed in limiting the man's movements in this way.
He doesn't think, and that's a mistake.
Voldemort finds two magical children who fit his description. One of them is the son of Lily Evans, now Lily Potter.
The bastard wants to kill not only Harry, but also Lily.
These are two innocent lives - the woman he thinks of as his daughter and her son. Severus cannot allow his mistake to kill them.
Severus accelerates his plans.
His initial plan was to find out what Voldemort's secret was and what exactly the dark magic surrounding him was. With this news, it would have been easy to take him in as a spy.
Now he must go empty-handed, begging Albus Dumbledore to be willing to take him in.
“How much did you relay to Lord Voldemort?” Albus Dumbledore asks him.
“Everything...” confesses Severus with shame. “Everything I heard! That is why - it is for that reason - he thinks it means Lily Evans!”
“The prophecy did not refer to a woman. It spoke of a boy born at the end of July–“
“You know what I mean! He thinks it means her son, he's going to hunt her down - kill them all.”
Because that's how Voldemort works.”
“Hide them all, then” Severus asks. “Keep her - them - safe. Please.”
“And what will you give me in return, Severus?” Dumbledore asks curiously.
“In return?”
What can he give in exchange for his daughter's life?
This is a really stupid question. There can be only one answer.
“Anything.”