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Finding Her

Summary:

post-Hell Bent alternative ending . The Doctor wants his companion back, and is willing to do anything to do so. Yet, he what he finds is far different than what he expects.

Angst and pain guaranteed

Notes:

Hello Hello! Hope everyone is doing well. As promised in my last post, I had to take a break from my current wip due to exams, so I bring you something I had posted a few years ago on another platform - updated, of course.

Hope it still satisfies your whouffaldi craving.

Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Ohila looked out of the Citadel onto the barren desert outside the hospitable city.

"Still waiting for the Doctor?" The General sounded behind her. "After all these years?"

"It's been decades since his human companion returned to Gallifrey. He's bound to come back for answers." Ohila sighed. "He's close, I can feel it."

 

The sound of the TARDIS materialising echoed through the desolate landscape. Soon after, the Doctor went out, clad with red velvet coat and locked the TARDIS. His look was menacing as he looked up to the female general, looking outward from the window.

The Doctor was soon escorted to the conference room, sitting in the president's place. After all, he was still the President of Gallifrey.

 

"I see you want something from us, since you came back." Said Ohila.

"You know what I want." Growled the Doctor. He was still very very angry for the 4 and a half billion years worth of pain the Time Lords had given him.

 

The Time Lords.

His people!

Is this the thanks he gets for saving Gallifrey?

And after all, it still hurt him that they had also caused such pain not only to him. But to her, too.

The agony felt so long ago by the person he barely remembered but yet, held close to his heart.

The first face his face saw.

 

"I want Clara Oswald back."

"We can't tell you were she is." Ohila answered.

His thick bushy eyebrows arched in response. "And why is that?"

Ohila and the General exchanged looks. There was nothing but silence.

"So?" The Doctor's irritated voice boomed across the room.

 

Ohila straightened up in her chair, pompous and regal. "She has already come to us, Doctor. We have placed her back in her timeline, just as she wanted." The Doctor kept staring at Ohila, his eyes boring into her soul, so much so she was very uncomfortable. "Where she belongs."
And yet, the menacing face was quite the façade for the pain he felt on the inside. He felt his hearts shatter into pieces; the heartbreaking reality that no matter how much he ran after the Impossible Girl, she would always be faster than him.

But he couldn't let her down. He promised....

The Doctor sat up, his fists tightening, holding the fury of the time lords. Just as he was headed towards the door, resolute, when Ohila stood up and blocked his path. She grabbed his arms. "You know what would happen! Paradoxes that would destroy everything."

"I've already saved Clara and nothing happened. No Universe crumbled like you said it would." He was determined, and no one could stop him.

"But this time it is definite, Doctor. I watched over her from when she came here till when she stepped in her place on Trap Street. She never wanted you to know, but she knows you too well. The girl knew you would come and do everything to stop her. And you didn't appear. If you go back in time now, the destruction would be terrible. Just to try and save her when the Universe she lives in would crumble, and her with it. You both, and everyone would die. All because of your egoism Doctor. And you would have gained nothing but pain and destruction."

The Doctor was on the verge of crying. Ohila kept on talking to him, this time with a calmer voice. "I know she means a lot to you Doctor, but you can do nothing."

His eyebrows knitted, the tears soon replaced with fury. "Extract her again."

"You know we can't, Sir." Said the General.

"I've done it before, it can happen again. Extract her!" Anger filled his hearts; the bubbling fury of a time lord was indeed a thing of terror. Let alone the Doctor's.

"It'll cost her too much. Not just the Universe, but her." Ohila said. "She wanted to die in peace, Doctor. If you really love her, just let her be. Make her happy by giving her a dignified death."

 

The Doctor broke down in sobs as he collapsed to his knees, his face in his hands.

 

"She told you everything, didn't she?" The Doctor breathed a laugh. He could remember that she was a control freak. But that didn't matter.

She was his control freak.

The woman nodded. "But she made me promise just one thing before she went back to her place."

The Doctor's eyes were pleading Ohila to tell him everything they knew about Clara. The only thing he knew was the things they had done, how he had saved her... But he didn't remember the most important person in all of those memories.

Clara herself.

"She has accepted that we would return your memories back by a reverse neuroblock memory resurface. She didn't want you to suffer not knowing who she was in your life. Clara knew you would never forgive yourself if she didn't let you." Her lips curled into a weak smile, something which was quite unordinary. "Ms Oswald requested to leave a message and share it with you after the block is reversed."


The Doctor could remember everything. It all rushed back as soon as they buzzed his mind. Her laugh echoed through his head, her face finally clear in all the memories, her fingers dancing across his cheeks, her vanilla scent soon clear and known.
He understood all the things he had said to the waitress... It was her. He was narrating her story.

Their story.

But he hadn't recognise her, and he had told the young waitress that if he would ever meet this mysterious Clara again, he would absolutely know...

 

The Doctor... the fury of the time lords, the Oncoming Storm; weakened at the mention of his companion's name. He was still shaking when they lead him to a chair as the screen lit up. 

 

A hologram of Clara in her waitress clothes appeared just a few steps away from him. 
Exactly the same as he had seen her last. Without a single blemish.

"Hello daft old man." Clara's smile pierced his soul. He hadn't seen that in so long. It was almost automatic for him to smile his brightest grin, so much so it brought tears to his eyes. "I knew you'd come here. Because you can't stop until you've got answers for everything don't you, Doctor?" She laughed so hard, but he could see the brokenness in her eyes, even though she was just a hologram.

He hadn't come in time to stop her from going back to her death.

"This is why I've recorded this. So you could bring your memories back and rest assured that I am at peace." Her smile waned just a little. "I didn't want that last conversation of ours in my TARDIS to be my final message, Doctor. And this is the only way I could get to you without hurting each other.

I've watched your every step, I've heard your every thought from a distance. I just couldn't bare that you'd be living the rest of your lifetime trying to find a companion who was condemned to death so many years ago. You have to do what you've always done; move on, and be a Doctor.

Don't let this anger of yours take over your life. It already took you 4 and a half billion years and threatened the Universe. But this is my destiny, why I ran so fast and why I never died before. Because I've decided to take the chronolock upon me and face the Raven. It was my fault and I am ready to suffer the consequences bravely.

I never wanted you to follow me. I always want you to remember me as Clara, with wide smiles and inflated saucers for eyes."

Clara breathed a smile as her eyes filled with tears, and the Doctor couldn't help himself but do the same.

"All I ask you is one thing. Run you daft old man, and remember me. And you better do that... Because quite frankly... forgetting me was offensive."

 

They both laughed.

It was his same old Clara after all, always laughing and joking, even in the most serious of times.

The Doctor sat up from the chair, his knees threatening to give way, and feebly walked in front of the hologram. Her hologram was focusing at his shoulder. After all, it was only a mere projection.

"It was tough... avoiding you. Damn, if I had more tears I wouldn't have stopped crying."

The time lord let out a suppressed whine. I'll cry enough for the both of us. He thought, but couldn't bring to words.

He tried to caress her hologram cheekbone with the back of his fingers as more tears made their way down his face, trying his best to feel her soft skin. They both were broken on the inside, but at least this is the best they could've hoped for.

Loving each other so much, that they were willing to tear the Universe apart.

Two souls condemned never to meet each other again.

Clara Oswald still never met the Doctor's eyes; the curse of holograms. "Thank you Doctor, for all the wonderful adventures you've given me, for the love and patience you've always showed me, even in the darkest of times."

Oh yes, the Doctor thought. P.E.

 

"I love you too, Doctor. Have and always will. Beyond comprehension."

That loving smile...

"Remember me."

 

And the hologram faded, leaving the Doctor alone, once again.

Notes:

(now I know form S13 that Gallifreyan holograms tend to be quite sophisticated with tracking and such, but I couldn't not include the angst of having the hologram not look at the Doctor like.. pls more pain.)

I hope you enjoyed this humble rendition. Feedback appreciated as always!

Will hopefully post the last chapter of I'll Carry You Home soon!

Take care!