Chapter Text
Three months after the struggle yet grateful for baby delivery, Regulus and James invite them to their home in London. Flower bouquets and fruit baskets in hands, Sirius and Remus step themselves at Potter-Black household's front door, and James as always, gives them his warmest hugs, then brings them to their living room, where Regulus just ended his breastfeed session. His lovely brother, sits quietly and looks tired as a new parent should be, showing off the baby: a beautiful son, who got James's hair, skin color and lips; and brow and nose like Regulus had, and those round cheeks that tease people to fondle it. Behind the man, James looks so devoted and joyous towards his new little family members.
Sirius was stunned for a moment.
His body is starting to tremble. He wants to scream full of excitement about the baby, but doesn't want to wake the sleepy little boy. Instead, he chuckles, he tip-toeing to Regulus next, then kneels in front of him, watching his soon-to-be godson that gives him a tiny huff and satisfied smile around his bearer's arms; and Remus saw overwhelm feelings in his lover's eyes: happy, in love and full of longing.
"Here comes the beautiful boy." Sirius whispered to the little man. "It's such an honour to be your godfather in no time." His fingertip rubs the baby's nose, making his parents giggle happily. "It's a great moment to meet you, little darling, and I'll make sure that you'll be pampered by all of us."
Sweet, earthy and fresh flowers scents twirling around all of them harmoniously in the Potter-Black's living room.
"I ended the Black family legacy with their star-inspiration names to the new born." Regulus said with his nimble hands cleaning the utensils in the sink hours later. Sirius looked up from the chair, then looked back at the baby boy in his arms who felt warm, safe and alive. "James came up with the idea of a simple, easy-to-remember, and approachable name"
"Yeah?" Sirius whispered, he didn't want to disturb the little angel. "Let's hear the name of what we should call him, please."
Regulus put down the last dirty glass, then wiped his wet hands with a rag that hung easily from the oven knob. He hummed familiar notes that Sirius had composed years ago for him, a special lullaby song between them, and with an expression that was open and as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he laughed fondly, "Harry." He breathed out like he prayed to the life he's been longing for, "Your soon-to-be godson's name is Harry, dear brother."
Sirius got tongue-tied twice at the day.
At Regulus who looked lovingly at Harry who was muttering loving praises, at Harry who chirped softly and showed a tiny smile, and at James who became their new home where they ran away from their toxic-traits family; which is now the only home for his little brother's and their baby.
Regulus had gotten most of what he had wanted for a long time, and Sirius wanted the same thing.
That night, as the time approached into midnight, and when he got permission from the parents to blow the face teasingly and kiss the tip of Harry's tiny nose as a farewell, Sirius felt that unfamiliar feeling again, which began to penetrate his heart, filling it between the empty spaces inside; and it felt warm, full of desire, and Remus saw again a new overwhelming feeling in his lover's eyes: happy, in love and full of longing.
"Oh," Sirius woke up from his thoughts on their bed, then rolled to his right and looked deeply at Remus who was about to put his glasses on the nightstand. "I miss him."
"Harry?" asked Remus, and the love of his life nodded. But then, he frowned, later shook his head slowly. Remus raised an eyebrow, and positioned himself to cuddle Sirius under their thick knit blanket. "Is it not?"
"No, I mean, I miss Harry, but not Harry."
"That sounds absurd, my beautiful one."
"Oh, I mean," he whispered, then grunted in defeat, and now hid his embarrassed face with the palm of his hand, peeking at it from between those slender fingers. "I want a baby like Harry."
There is no response from Remus. The man is losing words and he didn't know what kind reactions he was supposed to do other than to blink slowly, and let go of Sirius from his arms who let out a small whine behind the palm of his hand, and chose to stare at the ceiling of their room which was illuminated by the dim light of the crescent moon in the starry night outside.
The tick tock of the clock sounded loud between them, and the cold wind that blew and teased the night life, and the two of their breaths were not in rhythm, just like the sound of their heartbeats.
Remus tried to calm himself, and was having a bit of trouble with Sirius who brought his hand on his left arm, hiding his face which looked bitter at his non-verbal response. Sirius hummed an unfamiliar notes, and Remus knew he was doing it to hide the sadness that was starting to come over him. But Remus knew, both from his habits and the alkaline scents he sniffed quietly coming out of his lover's glands.
The man touched Sirius' trembling fingers and held them tightly, then rolled over to face his lover who was still hiding his face behind his shoulder and his long jet black hair. Even so, he could see the tears falling freely down his red cheeks, and Remus looking back at the events of their time together, the ups and downs, since their first meeting on the train and up to now, and their school days years ago, and at the time at the Potter-Black house a few hours ago where Sirius seemed like he didn't want to be separated from Harry, and Regulus didn't mind that, neither did James.
Remus, while his heart started to swell and bloom as he enjoyed the look of blessing on his lover's face, holding himself not to make this day worse, he whispered, "Dear boy," Sirius only responded with a heavy sigh and his fingers tightening around his arm. "Wanting a baby is a big responsibility. You can't say that you want to have them just because other people had them without thinking about the risks, responsibilities and sacrifices that must be given for human life that takes shape and develops from our essence." He kissed Sirius' fingers gently, which were starting to tremble, and held himself to his position when he heard a small cry escape from that sweet mouth. "I'm not rejecting your sudden want, but I won't ignore it either if you would like to give us time to think about it further."
"You're wrong. It's not a sudden want," Sirius answered through his sobs. "I... Regulus and I... you and James are very much aware of what kind of our family background is; and that's why we are..." he breathed heavily, but Remus was patient to hear the rest. "Since then, we imagined that we would have a family and children. Give them love and appreciation much better than our parents did; and that turned into a hope that we had to keep far and deep, so that people.... So that our family wouldn't find out about it and try to destroy it even if only in longing."
Remus weakened, whatever Sirius said about his family would always make his consciousness shake and he didn't stop to express his gratitude that the Black brothers were brave enough to get away from that evil family without looking back. "Everything that happened to me with you, Moons, was a matter of unexpected gratitude, and with the welcome of James and his parents to us... And about today, when I saw how loving and affectionate Regulus was for Harry whom he longed to have with James..." Sirius opened his eyes, they looked wet and sparkling like diamonds, looking at Remus full of hope and a feeling of incredible intimacy, "And I want that thing with you too, the thing I have hoped for for a long time: to have a family of my own, and a children, with the partner who is the center of the universe in my life."
When Sirius confessed to him about his late-bloomer state in their 5th year, looking cautious and dejected, he curled up in Remus' bed in their dorm, said that he might be a normal beta or even worst, a null, Remus didn't have any ill thought beside what unfair life is to this mesmerizing boy. Sirius grinned awkwardly, and with scared eyes, the boy took his palm and whispered, "I hope you're not mad."
"Why?" Remus asked in pain. "Why should I be mad at you about something that you cannot control or expect in life?"
Sirius bit his lower lip, and inhaled heavily, "Well, I am aware that everyone wants to have a perfect family one day; including you, yeah?" He is laughing freely, but not with his eyes. "Now, when we establish our relationship, and might want it to be lasting forever, I just want to warn you that I am a late bloomer, that I might be a normal beta male in years later, and that I cannot give you children because I cannot get pregnant like other women or omega men should do out there." Sirius tangled their fingers, and brought it to his wet cheek. "But, if you really want a child, then I will compromise in every possible way, including to get a surrogate bearer or let you go to bond with other one."
Remus was shocked, he shook his head with fearful eyes. "What the hell are you saying, my star?"
"I just don't want to ruin your happiness."
"No. No, listen," Remus pulled the young man to his chest, hold him tightly, kiss his softly, touch him gently, then whisper in calm: "I won't ever let you go, and you won't going far away from me, because you are the significant manifest of my happiness I've been searching for, whether with or without a child when we form a family bond over time being." Bring out the lover from the insecurity thoughts in that midnight talk.
"Having a family is a common thing that everyone wants, but a family without children is just as special as those who have them." Remus rubs away fallen tears from his lover. "You're enough for me, either as an alpha, a beta, an omega, or even a null." He kissed those swollen eyes who looked at him with a sad glaze. His right arm touched Sirius' stomach, and the left one rubbed his glands behind the ear. "You're good enough for me as who you are."
Remus very much aware both of their suppressants, birth control pills and fertility booster in the drug box at the bathroom, also with the red marks calendar at the dining room, and collage of the portrait of their relationship anniversary at the living room. Remus also remembers Harry's scents that lingered in Sirius body after he held him non-stop, and the sweet milk from his breath when he said goodbye to the little man, and the way Sirius kept his whimpered when the baby opened his eyes, look at him in his sleepiness and reach out the man as if they do not want to be separated yet.
Their pillow talk just now triggered that memory in their 5th year, and their 5th year memory triggered some feelings that starting to creep, chanting their want, and howling their desire with the beautiful man that now, from the way he breath slowly in his arms, might be in journey to his sweet dreams.
"You're enough for me, either as an alpha, a beta, an omega, or even a null. You're good enough for me as who you are, my love, even if you're one of those late bloomers and fertility fighters. But," he touches Sirius' stomach, rubs them slowly and makes the man hummed in love. "If you longing to have a baby; a child that got our heart in their hands, with a little tap of their feet and sweet giggle of their laugh, and their out-of-mind silly questions, and their pride when they answer who their parents is," he kissed Sirius' bond marks that makes the man hummed lovingly. "The way they call us, and their sadness and joyous, and their whole love to everything, to everyone, to every moment with people who love them back," their feet tangled, sending the warm and loveliest affection towards each other. "My brightest star," Remus looked at Sirius sleep face with eyes in adoration. "Then I would like you to have a family with me, completely with a child around us, as many as you want, and let's make this silent house lively with their cheerful, blessed excitement."
But not now, not soon, Remus blinks twice, and smiling while remembering the exact date and place Harry will baptize, planning to give a time to his lover to get a family bond with the baby, and might be in one or two or three years later, he hummed softly, when our rut and heat come in sync since in our uni year times ago.
Until then, he would watch and enjoy the times when Sirius would be a delightful godfather for Harry, a comfortable escape place from his parents who would become all-in-one, too-much-hassle and easily panic over trivial things, and might be or might be not, together with Regulus and James, they will learn and continue to find out how to be better parents in every way.
But not now, not soon, thought Remus, constantly praising his lover even as he succumbed to a comfortable drowsiness.