Archive of Our Own

“Please Crowley! Newt really wants to go but we need four people for the escape room. He already convinced Aziraphale to come along, we just need you!”

Crowley sighed into his phone and stared at his calendar. Technically he was free Friday night, he didn't have a reason not to go, but spending his evening locked in a room with three other people (even if it was his best mate and her boy toy) didn't sound like it would be his favorite thing. Knowing he'd also be with Newt's Victoria maiden aunt boss just added another level of nope.

“Come on Ana, you know how busy I am...”

“I'll take you to that bar you like and pay for your drinks all night afterwards....” Ana coaxed, aware of the best ways to tempt him.

“Fine, FINE! This once, I'll make room on my very busy schedule for you, but I'm getting the fancy pink drinks with the umbrellas all night just to make it worth it, d'ya understand?!”

“You're the best, Crowley!”

“I'm really not sure this is for the best; I'm not cut out for these kinds of new age activities.” Aziraphale took a bite of his falafel before looking up at his employee, Newt, who sat across from him at the small table in the back room of his bookshop. “What exactly does one do in one of these Room Entrapments?”

“It's called an Escape Room, and you solve puzzles. It's like being Sherlock Holmes and solving mysteries. You have to look around and find all of the hidden clues to figure out whatever the puzzle is until you find the key to unlock the door,” explained Newt, hoping he didn't look as nervous as he felt. He wasn't as confident in Anathema's plan as she was, but she swore she'd read ‘the Cards’, and this was the right thing to do.

“I suppose it does sound interesting, but why do you need me for this?” Aziraphale asked.

Newt gulped, rolling his shoulders to steel himself. “Erm, well, we need four people for the Escape Room, and I don't know anyone who is smarter than you are. I think you're going to be the one who could win this for us."

"Four?" Aziraphale raised a dubious eyebrow. "Who else will be there?"

"Crowley."

“Well, that bumptious peacock won't be of any use if I'm to judge. "Aziraphale sighed into his chips, then nodded d. “Yes, alright. I'll be there.” 

Friday night came along, and Anathema and Newt were waiting outside High Escape Lines Limited waiting for the others to show. Ana stood in her usual long gothic witchy attire, casually untangling a necklace from the lace of her shirt. Newt in his sweater vest and jeans, however, kept needlessly adjusting his glasses, when he wasn’t rubbing his hands on his pants as if to wipe off the sweat.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? They've never liked each other and now we're going to be locked in a room with them while they argue over who can solve a puzzle.” He looked a bit green around the gills to Anathema's eye.

“Don't worry about it, they don't actually hate each other, they've just never actually met. They've only talked to each other once, for less than five minutes, and then never interacted again. Once they actually have a chance to meet, they're going to have a totally different opinion of each other, I'm sure.” She kissed his cheek and then straightened up as she saw Aziraphale approaching. “Right on time, as always. Now where's Crowley?”

A thumping bass beat announced a car pulling into the parking lot and a jet-black Bentley parked in the back, away from the other cars. Bohemian Rhapsody blared as the driver door opened, then fell silent as the engine shut off and long black-clad legs swung out. Those painted on jeans were followed by a lean torso in a black henley and sharp jacket with a thin silver tie. Crowley had his shoulder length red hair worn in a half bun tonight and his best sunglasses perched on his nose, and Anathema recognized his signature hook-up outfit for the club and rolled her eyes.

Aziraphale reached them first, his usual robin egg blue shirt under a beige waistcoat with brown slacks and a tartan bow tie an outdated contrast to everyone around him.  He greeted Newt and Anathema and then turned to look in the glass window of the business behind them. A quick glance showed Anathema that Crowley's reflection could be seen in the glass, and that Aziraphale was obviously watching Crowley sauntering up the lot towards them.

“Ana!” Crowley gave her a hug as he got close. As he leant, in to give her air kisses over both cheeks, he whispered, “are you sure we can't just skip out on this nerd fest and head straight to the bar?”

She lightly smacked his shoulder “No, be nice! You promised. Otherwise, no pink drinks for you.”

He made a moue before turning to shake Newt's hand, then nodded a chaste greeting to Aziraphale. “Fine, let's get going then, why don't we?” He opened the door and scowled at the others as they filed inside. 

Anathema approached the man at the desk. He was thin, wearing dark, artfully ripped clothing, a black scarf, and too much eyeliner. His plastic name badge read ‘Eric’.

“Hi Eric, I reserved 'The Fallen' room for four tonight, under Anathema.” He typed in the info, grabbed some clipboards for them and sent them over to one side to fill out some forms.

“Wait, so it's actually two smaller rooms?” Newt gulped. 

“Is that a problem?” Crowley asked, his eyes drifting from his clipboard and across the room. Anathema followed them to where Aziraphale was leaning forward on a counter, his slacks pulling tight against his thighs and arse. This was going to be so much easier than she'd thought.

“N-no, it's fine....” Newt shifted nervously before continuing filling out his forms. Ana was so focused on Crowley she missed Newt's shaking hand.

Forms completed, they returned the clipboards to Eric at the front desk, who put the paperwork into a file and then led them to their room.

“Right, listen up, I'm only going to say this once.” Eric had the four of them in a room the size of a large office, white walls with gold trim surrounded a white desk. Gold knickknacks sat on the desk. A white and gold office chair, straight backed and uncomfortable looking, sat in front of it. Several portraits hung on the walls depicting pictures of grim looking men and women with angel wings and severe hairdos. A round rug, also white and gold, lay in the middle of the floor.

“This is where you will be starting. Once you find the key to this room, that door,” Eric pointed to the one anomaly in the entire room, a black door on the far wall, “will open and you will go into the second room. There you will solve a second series of puzzles to find a second key, which will open a door in that room and will take you back out to the front desk. You have one hour to solve both puzzles. If you don't solve them in time then the doors will unlock, and you will be released. If you break anything, we will unlock the doors and kick you out. If you give up, shout “avocado” and we will let you out. Any questions?”

“Yes, quiet. How will you hear us if we break something or shout “avocado”?” asked Aziraphale.

“Oh, yes, good point. These rooms have both microphones and video cameras, for insurance purposes and to make sure no one freaks out and gets stuck in here. You won't believe what some people will try in these rooms.” Eric shuddered as if the thought brought up memories he'd rather forget.

“If that's all then, I'll start your time and you can get to it.”  Eric disappeared and locked the door behind him.

Crowley stretched his long frame then shook out his limbs, “Right, where do we start then? Oof, look at this wanker!” He'd walked up to one of the portraits, showing a dark-haired man, smiling instead of stern like the other pictures, and showing far too many bright white teeth.

“Oh, it's a bit, hmm…. swimmy, in here, isn't it….” Newt mumbled, and then slowly sank to the ground.

“Newt!” Anathema dropped down next to him, patting his cheek and feeling his wrist.

“Stand back, dear, let me take a look at him.” Aziraphale gently moved her out of the way, taking Newt’s pulse and feeling his forehead. “Oh my. He's built up quite a sweat and his pulse is thready. I think we need to get him out of here.”

“A-avocado!” Anathema yelled.

Within seconds Eric was back opening the door. Anathema went to help Newt stand, but Aziraphale simply picked him up and carried him back out to the front room. Anathema hurried after and Crowley sauntered behind, hands shoved in his too tight jean pockets.

After a few moments, Newt started to come back around, and Anathema was able to squirrel out of him that he'd been nervous and feeling claustrophobic.

“Well,” Eric said, checking his timer, “you've got 50 minutes left in the room. Do you still wanna try?”

Watching Newt blanche, Anathema held his hand and looked pleadingly at Crowley and Aziraphale. “I can't leave him out here alone like this. It's already paid for, why don't you two go do the escape room and we can meet you afterwards to continue the night?”

“-what d'ya mean-” 

“-now, my dear, I simply-”

Both Crowley and Aziraphale started at the same time, then stopped and glared at each other until Crowley rolled his hand towards Aziraphale to let him go first.

“My dear, I simply can't do this on my own. I'm sorry you've paid for it but-” Aziraphale started.

“Oi! What am I, chopped liver?” Crowley interrupted.

“I'm sure you'd try, but I don't think you'd be any help, is all.”

“I'm the brains of this operation! If anyone's figuring this out, it's me!” he growled back.

Flustered, Aziraphale stood up straight, shaking a finger at Crowley. “Now see here-” 

“No, you see here!” Crowley grabbed Aziraphale's hand and began dragging him back towards the escape room. “We're going to do this thing and we'll see who solves the most puzzles, and when I win, you're buying my drinks instead of Anathema.”

Left behind at the entrance, Anathema and Newt looked at each other and then at the attendant, Eric. Actually, looking closer, Ana noticed his name tag said ‘Derric’. 

“Derric, let me ask you a question: what would it take to convince you to let me sit back there with you and watch those cameras you mentioned inside our rooms?”

“Lovie,” Derric looked back at her with a smile, “assuming they don't break anything, or set the room on fire, I think the entertainment you've provided us with tonight gets you a front row seat to the show. You two, follow me.”

“Very well, if you insist on making this a competition, let's get started.”  Aziraphale pulled at the bottom of his waistcoat and straightened his bow tie. The sooner he figured out these puzzles, the sooner he'd be rid of this infuriating man. Clasping his hands behind his back, he crossed the room to look at a painting of a rather portly, balding man with a sardonic grin, and the flash of a gold tooth. He felt along the outer edge of the painting’s frame, and then the wall behind it. 

Finding nothing, he moved on to the second painting: a woman with severe features and black hair in an updo. Again, he felt around the edges and back of the frame, but this time, his fingers ran into something metallic taped to the back of the portrait. 

He looked around, and seeing that Crowley was busy with something on the desk, he quickly pulled the object from the tape and looked it over. It was a letter opener in the shape of a sword, about six inches long. He stuck it into his pocket, deciding to keep it to himself for a while.

Crowley was still doing something to the golden tree figure on the desktop as he crossed the room to the third portrait. A dark-skinned angel with an expressionless face and gold markings around her eyes. Once again, this picture held no secrets.

Moving to the last portrait, the one of the openly smiling man, Aziraphale saw that Crowley was twirling something between his long, dexterous fingers as he moved away from the tree figure and began to open the desk drawers. Continuing to ignore him for now, Aziraphale started his search of the portrait, only to stop almost immediately when he saw that this frame contained something the others did not.

“Michael... Ah, the Messenger of God!” Excited, Aziraphale felt around where the name was embossed on the frame and found that it was a panel that slid upward, revealing a hollow space within. “Ah-ha! I have found a CLUE!” he said excitedly, holding up a folded paper and momentarily forgetting the wager at hand. The paper read:

“Well, that's cryptic. Do you know how much I hate that?” Crowley's voice came over Aziraphale’s shoulder, so close he could feel a puff of breath go past his ear. The shiver that went through him was entirely due to the sudden scare and had nothing to do with the other man's proximity at all, obviously.

“It's supposed to be cryptic. It's a puzzle.” Aziraphale replied, clearing his throat as he took a hasty step away and put the paper on the desk. “I suppose we need to find some source of light, and somewhere to put it, and then we will solve this.”

“A source of light, you say?” Crowley's smirk was back with a vengeance as he removed something from his jacket pocket. “Like, a candle?”

Aziraphale gaped at him in shock. “How did you find that?” 

“Simple really: saw the tree, the apple, the snake, all lying right there on the desk, figured it's all,” he waved his hand in the air “bible-y and stuff. What's more biblical than original sin?” He looked over the top of those smarmy sunglasses of his and winked, winked at Aziraphale. “Put them all together and that little base popped open and vavoom! Candle.”

Aziraphale looked at the Desk where he saw a tree statue, which did, indeed, have a small drawer sticking out at the bottom, just long and wide enough to hold the candle currently being twirled in Crowley’s long delicate fingers. His eyes also noticed something else.

“Very well. You may have found the light, but I think I have found our circle!” Aziraphale stepped past the desk to the rug on the floor and moved it to one side. Indeed, underneath was a gold circle and in each of the four cardinal direction points were round indentation the size of the candles. “Ah, it seems we are still lacking three more.”

“Hmm, yeah... welp, I still found the first one,” Crowley said, crouching down to put the first candle in place. “Let's keep looking.”

Aziraphale found the second candle hidden on the far wall beneath a cross. The trick had been to press the three points where Jesus had been nailed to it, and a candle had fallen from the bottom.  

Crowley found the third only moments later, hidden in a replica of Noah's Ark. He'd found a horse figurine all the way across the room, and when he'd put it in the stable on the ship it opened up. Of course, when he told Aziraphale this, he told him it had been a unicorn.

Finally, stumped on the whereabouts of the last candle with only 30 minutes left, they returned to the desk and the one drawer they still hadn't been able to open.

“Well, there has to be a key or something somewhere,” Crowley mused. “They wouldn’t notice if I just broke it a little, right?” 

“Crowley, don’t you dare cheat!”

“All right, fine.” Carefully, Crowley ran his hands along the front and side of the desk, looking for a switch or key or something that might open the drawer.

“Yes, I'm quite sure the last candle must be in there. We must have missed something.” Aziraphale checked his pocket watch and began fretfully twisting his pinky ring. “Are you sure you didn't miss anything?”

“Me? You're the one who checked all the walls. Maybe you missed something,” growled Crowley.

“Absolutely not! It had to have been something on the desk, or one of the other items around here” Aziraphale huffed.

With that, both men turned their backs on each other and began to search the entire room again, looking for whatever the other had missed.

In the control room, Anathema reached across Derric to grab a handful of popcorn. 

“What's going to happen when they realize?” asked Erica, the 3rd worker. The Escape Room had turned out to be a family run establishment and the attendants were triplets.

“I don't know,” Newt replied, “but I'm glad I'm out here and not in there.”

10 minutes had passed, and neither man had found anything that would open the impenetrable desk drawer.

“This is ridiculous. Maybe I can just pick the lock. Got anything in your pocket we can use, some kind of, I dunno, a paperclip or a pen knife or something?” Crowley was crouched down next to the desk, and as such he didn't see the look of shock that crossed Aziraphale's face at the mention of pockets.

Because, sitting in his pocket this whole time, was the little sword.  Slowly, he removed it from his pocket, and, hand shaking, reached past Crowley's head to slip it into the lock. It fit.  The drawer popped open without even the need to turn it.

Deliberately, Crowley stood up, grasped Aziraphale's lapels and shoved him until his back was against the wall behind him and they were standing nose to nose.

“Where. Did. You. Get. That?” he growled.

“In... in my pocket...” Aziraphale mumbled.

“What was that?”

“It was in my pocket.”

“You just so happened to have the last key we needed and spent the last 10 minutes searching for in your pocket?!” Crowley's voice began dangerously low but rose steadily until he was nearly shouting.

“Well, it was the first thing I found, and I put it there for safekeeping, and then I found the letter and we moved on so quickly and I.... forgot.” Aziraphale gulped as he watched Crowley process that information. 

Aziraphale tried very hard not to stare at the thin straight lips so very close to his own, the slightly crooked nose that occasionally brushed the upturned tip of his own, or what exactly the feeling of that lean but surprisingly strong frame pushing him against the wall was doing to him. Abruptly, Crowley released him. 

“You're so clever. How can someone as clever as you be so stupid?” Crowley turned back to the desk and slammed open the drawer, pulling out a wooden box. Setting the box on the desk, he pulled out an index card and a strange cylinder which looked something like a scroll case, with five rows of movable letter blocks.

“What even is this?” He sighed, waving it in Aziraphale's direction and sitting in the desk chair.

Straightening his tie, Aziraphale approached the table, and then his eyes widened at the sight of the object. “Ah it's a Cryptex! Said to have been made by Da Vinci, but actually invented by the author-”

“We don't have time for the lecture. How do we solve it?” Crowley growled.

“Ah, right,” Aziraphale flushed. “There should be some clue as to the correct word needed to unlock it. Five letter lock and seven letters on each wheel. Shouldn't be too hard, if the clue was inside the box?”

“Answer is 'goats'” Crowley said, holding up the index card.

Aziraphale tried it. The letters were there, but it didn't open. 

“Are you quite sure?” he hesitated. It didn't seem like a very biblically themed answer.

“Yup,” said Crowley, popping the 'p'. “You'll just have to go with me on this one. I wasn't the one who wasted all that time.”

Aziraphale made sure he had the letters lined up in the correct spot for the answer to be read, but they still didn't work.

“Umm Crowley, I don't think-”

“It's 'goats' ok? Don't you know how to work one of those things!?”

“I do, and it's not working! So, if you will let me see the card, maybe we can figure it out and not waste even more time!” Aziraphale exploded.

Crowley leaned back a bit, more than a little surprised (and surprisingly turned on) by this change of Aziraphale's temper.

“It says, 'my sacrifice appeased the Wrath of God,” and it has to be goats. People put goats’ blood over the doors to protect their firstborn sons from the angel of death.”

Aziraphale fiddled with the Cryptex again, and this time it popped open, revealing the final candle. He walked over and placed it in the last spot on the circle and the black door clicked open.

“Jesus. His sacrifice turned a God of wrath into one of peace and forgiveness...” With that Aziraphale gave a weary sign and walked into the next room. Crowley quickly stood up and followed him.

The next room was vastly different from the first. The walls and ceiling were black, with a desk and chair in red with black trim. Instead of portraits, the walls were covered with strange posters that looked to be glued directly to the wall. They said things like ‘Do not Lick the Walls’, “You don't matter’ and ‘how many days since someone had said the road to hell is paved with good intentions.’

Placed prominently on the desktop was a board with seven buttons and a dirty, greasy looking piece of paper.

Greetinggs, your torture is importent to us. Please enter your sins in the correct orders to move on to the next fhase of processin. Once that has been completed your time here wwil be over .

On the board, one next to each button, were the seven sins: Pride, Envy, Lust, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, and Gluttony.

“Ok.... is that... it?” Crowley asked, flipping over the paper on the desk.

Aziraphale looked around, then carefully checked around the desk.  “Well, nothing else seems to be in the room. except the desk and chair. There don't appear to be any drawers on the desk, we could check the walls, but I don't think we'll find anything, and we have about 10 minutes left. Can we just try entering different combinations?”

“Seven sins, that leaves us with... 5040 possible combinations, I believe.” Crowley replied.

“You did that in your head just now?” Aziraphale blinked in astonishment.

“Didn't get to the top of the food chain at work because of my good looks, Angel.” Crowley replied, picking up the letter to read over it again.

“What did you call me?”

“Ngh... guh... Ya know, these people sure have bad handwriting, almost hides their worse spelling.” He dissembled.

“Wait, what was that?” Aziraphale exclaimed.

“Look I just was thinking it cause the other room was all white and shiny, and your hair is all blonde and fluffy and-” Crowley began.

“No, no, not that, the spelling and the handwriting.” Aziraphale interrupted.

“Oh, that!” Crowley set the letter back on the desk and smoothed it out, then pointed at one word. “See, like this, with the handwriting you almost can't see they spelled 'phase' with an 'f' instead of a 'p'.”

Aziraphale reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a pair of wire rimmed spectacles, placed the loops over his ears and peered closely at the letter, mouth moving silently as he read along.

With a small gasp, Aziraphale stood up straight and put one hand on either side of Crowley's head and pressed their lips together in a quick kiss of triumph.

“You did it, my dear! You found the answer!” Quickly sitting in the chair, Aziraphale studied the letter and the board.

Slightly dazed, and definitely not displeased, it took Crowley a moment to realize what was going on. “I did what now?”

“The misspellings! The missing or replaced letters all correspond to one of the sins... Hmm, there are two G's so we may still have to try twice, but still much better odds!” Aziraphale shot Crowley a thousand-watt grin. “Do you want to enter the code or read the letters off to me, dear?”

Crowley flushed. This was the second time he'd been called ‘dear,’ and he'd just been kissed. This evening was not going the way he had expected it to.

“I'll read, you push buttons, Angel.” He slouched on the edge of the desk and let his leg bump against Aziraphale's, just to see if he'd let him. Aziraphale turned slightly so that their legs pressed together more firmly, even though it meant turning the chair slightly away from the solution board.

“G, so I guess that's Greed or Gluttony. Your choice?”

“I think I'm feeling a bit greedy tonight.” Aziraphale replied, pressing the button. Crowley had to clear his throat before continuing.

“Then we have E for Envy. S is Sloth, one of my favorites. Pride...”

“Don't think either of us have lacked for that tonight,” Aziraphale muttered. Crowley silently agreed.

“Another G, Gluttony this time, right? Then Wrath and uh... Lussst.” Crowley caught himself going sibilant on the last word as he remembered the quick kiss they had just shared, and the moment when he'd had Aziraphale pinned against the wall.

Aziraphale looked up at him as the door clicked, the sound revealing that they had guessed correctly on the first try. Crowley had a sudden urge to see the color of Aziraphale’s eyes clearly, without the tint of his shades. Taking them off, he slipped them into his jacket pocket.

“Blue...” he murmured, leaning down, as Aziraphale stood up out of the chair. They met part way, lips pressing together tentatively at first, and then more confidently. 

Aziraphale made the first bold move, standing fully and settling his hands on Crowley's sharp hip bones, thumbs in the curve of his slender waist. Taking this as a good sign, Crowley tilted his head to one side and let his mouth fall open slightly, the tip of his tongue licking out to taste Aziraphale's bottom lip. The angel groaned and returned his movements. Their tongues danced back and forth, licking, tasting and exploring each other for the first time.

A well-manicured hand slipped into red hair, pulling Crowley's head back as Aziraphale moved down to kiss along his jaw and neck, while Crowley's hands began to explore the edges under the waistcoat.

Someone loudly clearing their throat stopped both men in their tracks. Crowley looked up to see the attendant standing in the doorway, Anathema beside him grinning wickedly. Aziraphale took a bit longer to catch up that someone was there, still lost looking at Crowley before finally turning his head.

“Sorry to say you failed this challenge. Better luck next time folks.” Said Eric, or maybe Derric.

“Failed? We solved it, unlocked the door ‘n everything.” Crowley still hadn’t moved, but he did drop his hands back to the desktop.

“Yes, but you had to escape the room” chirped Anathema. “Which you quite obviously still haven’t.”

Aziraphale turned pink as he quickly turned and walked towards the door but stopped before leaving the room. He quirked an eyebrow at Crowley with a grin. “Well, I suppose we call this one a draw then?”

With a smirk, Crowley donned his sunglasses and sauntered across the room to Aziraphale. “Suppose we can do that.”

Wrapping an arm around Aziraphale’s waist Crowley began to lead the way out. “What do you say, Angel. Round 2, see if we can escape my bedroom before morning?”

“Mm sounds like a worthy challenge to me, dear boy. Let’s see how we do on this one.”