Work Text:
Four days. This stupid fever had been raging for four days.
Heather didn’t even know how she got sick. It was only September – flu season didn’t start until October. But that didn’t stop some idiot from getting a head start, going out when they knew they shouldn’t and spreading their virus around. Now she was stuck with this pestering cold. They had tried everything to cure her as quickly as possible: damp towels, a diet consisting only of water and fluids, and tons of medication. Alejandro even presented his strongest contender to the battlefield: VapoRub.
“Listen,” he said as he opened the jar, the strong eucalyptus scent intoxicating her senses, “this stuff is practically magic. I swear by it.”
“It probably is, from the way that it smells.”
Slathering the waxy ointment all over her chest, he muttered, “Sana, sana, culito de rana. Si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana.”
“What the hell did you just say?”
“Shush! Do you want to get better or not? Then don’t ask questions.”
And it did help (his weird saying too, probably). The raw aching in her throat decreased, thank the heavens; every time she talked, swallowed, even breathed, left her throat throbbing. That issue was out of the way. However, the fever was still going strong, rising from a 100 to 102. Chills ran through her body, her skin burning.
They’d done all they could but it was up to the external forces of the universe at this point. Alejandro didn’t give up on the VapoRub, putting some more on her chest before she went to bed that night, hoping its magic would somehow reach her head. He also handed her a glass of water and a NyQuil capsule.
“Ugh, and I thought we were done with medicine consumption for the day,” she groaned, popping the pill in her mouth and downing the water.
“I know. It’s just NyQuil, it’ll help you sleep easier.”
Taking her empty glass, he left the room. Heather closed her eyes, sitting in a criss-cross position on the bed, trying to block out the discomfort of the bug.
God, she felt like crap. This illness wasn’t like any previous times of being sick; it felt oddly long. How long did a fever usually last? Four days felt way too long. Had it been overdue? It didn’t seem like her body’s temperature was dropping anytime soon. Her skin ran hotter than an oven, cooking her from the inside out. Maybe the virus was worse than she thought. Maybe it wasn’t just a regular bug but a more dangerous, fatal sickness, masking itself with the same symptoms. Maybe her body was preparing itself for something.
A thought dawned on her, one that sent an unpleasant chill down her spine (and this time it wasn’t from the fever).
Her body was probably preparing itself to pass away. Heather was going to die.
The thought planted itself in her mind and spread like the stupid virus in her body, it was all she could think about. It made sense too, with the rising temperature in her body and the elongated period of time the fever ran. People have passed away from fevers before, Heather was going to be another victim. She was going to die. She was going to die. She was going to die. Heather was convinced. She was going to die.
Her life couldn’t end now, she was so young! And she barely amounted to anything in her life. Maybe taking over Europe would have to wait for another lifetime, but there was still so much left to accomplish regarding bucket lists and small-term goals.
In hindsight, Heather realized her life hadn’t really begun until now. She’d grown up in an environment where each day was a survival of the fittest, eventually extending that mindset from her house to the outside world. There was nothing to be proud of regarding her youth; all that her family life had taught her was how to become cold, to become tough and ruthless. She couldn’t even trust her family, become vulnerable with them; she lived in that house alone.
Going on Total Drama, meeting Alejandro, everything after that – that’s when Heather truly started living. Tensions may have been heightened during the show, each of them pulling stunts they weren’t proud of (including Heather herself). But they all matured, healed from their wounds and bonded over the traumas, forming an unlikely found family. It was probably the first time she felt she had true friends.
And Alejandro, god, Alejandro. He truly was heaven sent. Heather didn’t know what she did to deserve someone as perfect as him; so patient, so full of love to give. The cold, rough world she grew up in, her never ending fights for survival, Alejandro took her hand and led her to refuge in his arms. The life they built together, it provided the safety, the comfort she’d craved, dreamed of. He’d listen to her same problems, repeat his reassurances. He’d surprise her with her favorite takeout, sometimes take her out on a fun date. He’d humor her, letting her even braid his hair during times of stress. And that was only a handful of the things he did. The main reason Heather was healing, becoming human again, was because of him.
Heather felt awful for being unable to display her emotions towards him. She loved Alejandro more than anything in the world; but unlike him, she wasn’t able to freely give her love. Heather definitely showed more of her heart than before, it’s not like Alejandro was completely deprived of her affections, yet something still held her back, pulling on the reins in discomfort. Saying ‘I love you’ was a rare occasion and expressing her admiration for him had her head dissecting her words, until there was nothing left to overthink. Sure, it was easier channeling the unspoken words into actions – some fun gifts and surprises here, long cuddles and evening outings there – but it wasn’t the same. Alejandro would never know her true intentions.
And the nasty voice that nagged in the back of her mind never shied away from pointing out how unfair her shitty treatment was to him. It ate away at her mind, the guilt building up as each day passed.
Heather would hold her breath, fearing, waiting, for the moment he’d break and snap. Unable to handle them any further, she’d fear for the day he’d finally decide to leave, to seek something more fulfilling himself, something that would benefit him as well. She would fear for the day she’d finally lose him.
But it’d never arrive. Because instead of frustration and agitation, Alejandro only had more love to give.
There was so much she wanted to do with him, so much she needed to tell him (she’d go against her body’s rejections of vulnerability if she had to)…but now that couldn’t happen because Heather was about to die. They wouldn’t get to travel through the States or scope out which regions of Europe to rule over together. They wouldn’t get to adopt a pet together, a cat preferably. They wouldn’t get to spend their Friday nights dancing, either at a club or in their apartment, jumping along and howling lyrics to the songs. They wouldn’t get to grow old together, side by side, recalling their first encounters with each other as teenagers and looking at how far they’d come. They wouldn’t get to gossip, go on double dates, take a day trip, drink boba for every single meal, ugly cry at sad movies – live out their domestic lives together.
And all because some idiot went outside at the wrong time and passed on this stupid fever!
A noise sounding too similar to a sob escaped her lips, now aware of the tears streaming down her face. She didn’t even notice Alejandro entering the room, pausing at the doorway.
“Are you crying?”
Heather shook her head, unable to hide another sob that escaped. He quickly rushed to her side, sitting next to her on the bed. A hand rested on her shoulder, the other cupping her cheek, quickly swiping away whatever tears he could with his thumb.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay. What happened?”
She choked down the cries that arose in her chest, desperately trying to keep her cool. Panic viciously spiraled in her mind the more the thoughts settled, the more reality hit.
“What if I die from this??”
“Mi cielo, you’re not gonna die from a fever.”
“You don’t know that, you don’t know what could happen! This has been going on for four days, this thing is well overdue. Maybe I’m gonna end up overheating and just not wake up. Or maybe the NyQuil’s gonna kill me instead, I’ll somehow overdose on it or something – I don’t know! I’m gonna die, I don’t want to die!!”
“Nothing’s gonna happen, I promise you.”
“I don’t wanna die!” she sobbed, insistently shaking her head, “I don’t wanna die!”
“You won’t, you won’t.” He attempted to console Heather, but to no avail. She was fully convinced, already running down past the street with this thought. Tears dripped down onto her palms, onto her lap, flowing heavier than before. Alejandro couldn’t read the future – anything could happen at any time! He was in no place to tell her everything would be fine.
Her eyes scanned his face wildly, trying to remember every detail – every freckle, every eyelash, every color that made up the beautiful shade of green in his eyes. The medication had already spread through her body and kicked in, who knew how much time she had left. Her time on Earth was now limited. Her time with Alejandro was now limited. She didn’t want it to be limited.
“I’m sorry–” she suddenly blurted out. Eyebrows furrowed, he gave her a sad, worried look.
“For what?” he asked, softly.
Words stuck in her throat, she just sat there, crying. But her heart beating wildly in her chest and her brain stressing over the concept of death reminded Heather that she didn’t have the luxury of leisure to just sit around and wait to gather up enough courage. She needed to tell him about her pent up guilt and emotions – now! Or else her soul would pass on, carrying this guilt for eternity. He would never know how she truly felt. Choking down her sobs, she gathered her words.
“I’m sorry– I’m sorry I don’t say ‘I love you’ enough, and– I’m sorry I don’t tell you how much I love you enough. And I’m sorry I’m so emotionally cold and can’t share my feelings with you properly. You’re so– you’re so good to me and I feel so awful because I can’t communicate the same. I just freeze up. Get embarrassed. I don’t know– I just– I can’t. But I love you so much, I really really do. You’re so kind and never give up on me, even if sometimes I do deserve to be given up on. But it’s not fair to you because you’re always giving and I don’t know how. I’m sorry I don’t know how to do any of it right. I’m sorry I can’t show you enough, I’m sorry it was never enough. But I love you. I needed to tell you– before it was too late–”
The further her confession got, the faster the tears fell, the faster her confession tumbled out her mouth, until her words became an uncontrollable mess of sputters and sobs. Alejandro quickly pulled her into an embrace, his body relievingly cooler than her own, holding her as tightly as possible. She clung to him with such desperation, practically trying to glue their bodies together. Burying her face deep in the crook of his neck, she sobbed violently.
“Shhh. Just breathe, you’re gonna make yourself sick. It’s okay. Breathe. That’s it, there you go…”
The deep inhales of air wrestled with the upcoming heaving cries from her chest, a disastrous concoction for some unwanted nausea. She focused on his voice, humming low to relax the overwhelming emotion that poured out of her. She focused on the way his hand comfortingly rubbed her back, running up and down in a slow, soothing way. She focused on the sturdiness of his figure underneath hers, his soft skin contrasting with hers, sticky and feverish. She focused on the fact they were still alive, together.
“Oh, Heather,” he sighed. “Tu eres mi cielo, mi vida – you know? There is absolutely nothing to apologize for, I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this with you. You don’t need to hold onto any guilt. I know this isn’t easy for you – and you’ve been doing a beautiful job so far, you need to give yourself some credit. I understand your intentions. And all I want for you is to be safe and content, that’s all I’ll ever need in life. I love you so much and I’ll never stop loving you, you know that.”
They sat there for hours – rather, in what felt like hours – holding onto one another, Heather releasing her repressed emotions with every cry, Alejandro providing any and every word of consolation to calm her. Having him here, under her skin, was enough of a reassurance. It was physical, it was real. Hugs, holding one another, it told her that he would stay. He wouldn’t run off anywhere somehow, she wasn’t gonna lose him. Nails dug deeper into his skin, grasping on to the remaining time that was left between them, anchoring herself onto the present moment. He now knew everything – it was only fair she get to bask in their officially mutual love for as long as she could before she passed on. It was the first time she could love completely without fear.
The force of her sobs weighing down on her chest and head pounding, Heather finally detached herself from their embrace; not that she really wanted to, however she did need a moment to catch her breath. Sitting back on her hands, palms sinking into the mattress, her lungs greedily took in whatever air they could. She closed her eyes, eyelids suddenly becoming heavy. Effects of the NyQuil began kicking in, a drowsy calm washing over her. If she placed her head on the pillows behind her, she’d be out like a light. Alejandro noticed this as well.
“You need to go to sleep. It’s okay.”
No, she couldn’t. It wasn’t a risk she was willing to take. Sleep only meant her end was coming soon. Heather couldn’t let her life go, she couldn’t let Alejandro go yet. Death would have to formally arrive and drag her soul out by the ankles for her to surrender from the fight.
“I’ll go to sleep when the NyQuil forces me to.” Hot tears pricked her eyes, now reopened, voice wavering; the urge to cry resurfaced once more.
He shot her a look but she didn’t care. She goes to sleep, she loses him. At least if things were left up to the timing of the medication, the ball wouldn’t be in her court. It wouldn’t be up to her to decide when would be enough. When she wanted her time to be over. When she wanted to leave him.
“You know if you don’t catch some sleep, this is only gonna get worse.”
“Whatever,” she said through chattering teeth, body slightly trembling. Sitting, soaking in the sick, it only made her body realize what terrible condition it was in. The air too stale, slight nausea sitting in the pit of her stomach, insides too hot and outsides too cold – and not to mention everything slightly ached.
Pulling her by a wrist, Alejandro drew her back in, connecting their foreheads. His hands rested on her shoulders, flinching at the intense heat from her skin. “You’re burning up!”
“Whatever!” she shot back.
“No, not ‘whatever,’ you need sleep. Go to sleep.”
“No.”
“You have to.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No!”
“Heather–”
“No!” she began to sob, frustration and fear bubbling over inside of her, “No! No, I can’t!”
Heather dropped her head, resting it on his shoulder once more. The two latched onto each other, arms wrapped tightly around the other’s figure. Tears she fought back now flowed down her cheeks, absorbed into his pajama shirt.
“Heatherrr…” he playfully whined.
Loving freely and running out of time and running out of life – the thoughts overwhelmingly ran circles in her head. Heather couldn’t leave him. She needed to ensure her love got through to him. Most of her time had been spent stressing, freezing her in the headlights. There wasn’t any space to have done what she wanted, when she wanted. Things couldn’t end this way. Heather needed to drag this moment out for as long as possible.
“I can’t– I can’t sleep yet! Don’t make me choose. If I sleep, I’m gone. And I don’t wanna lose you,” she insisted, tightening her grip on him further (if it was even possible, considering how tight they already held each other), “Don’t make me choose…I don’t wanna lose you yet. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m not ready to let you go.”
Alejandro curled into their embrace. “Everything’s going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. I promise you with all my heart.”
“You don’t know that…you don’t know…”
“I do. This fever’s not gonna kill you. It’s just your body trying to fight off the virus, but it won’t be able to do that unless you get some rest. Just close your eyes. I promise, I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
Even if he was being completely logical, Heather still couldn’t shake the fear off of her. Something in her mind just knew – a third sense? Was it a premonition? It tied her down, unallowing the one source of solace. She continued to cry, the sobs and sickness shaking her figure.
Alejandro rubbed a thumb against her shoulder, muttering another “Sana, sana, culito de rana. Si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana.”
“What are you saying??”
“Shhh. It’s a saying that will help you heal, it’s very powerful and sacred. But don’t question it, just try to get some sleep.”
Sleep. Oh god. Heather began to sob harder upon his words, a loving hand running up and down her shoulder.
But even after all her attempts of escape, keeping her grief and horror around as long as possible to help stay awake, it finally approached. No matter how much she forced her eyes awake, they always slipped back to closed eyelids, the relief it brought tempting her further. And it’s not like her heavy crying helped either, it only exhausted her further.
It was time.
Swallowing her fear, Heather had no choice but to allow herself to surrender. This was what she was waiting for after all. With all her strength, she clung onto Alejandro, pressing herself as close to him as possible.
“I love you,” she whispered, desperate. The last of the tears streamed down her cheeks as her heavy eyelids closed. “I love you.”
Along with a firm kiss to the side of her head, she heard him mutter another “sana, sana” before she finally succumbed to the darkness, falling into a dreamless sleep.
.
.
.
A breath. Inhale. Exhale.
Her eyelids fluttered open, taking in the golden glow that peeked outside the window. The sun, she realized, it was the sun. It was a new day.
Heather pushed herself off the surface she had fallen asleep upon, propping herself up by her forearms. Adjusting to the blinding light, her head slightly pounded. God, was she shot with a tranquilizer gun? Everything felt so heavy, so laggy. What had even happened last night?
The unshakeable fear planted in her mind. Sobbing in his arms. Refusing to let go. Feeding her feverish delusions. The relief of still being alive was soon replaced with embarrassment and discomfort, from all the weepiness and mushiness. But at least he now knew Heather loved and cared for him a great deal.
The surface suddenly stirred beneath her, and she then realized it was Alejandro. They had fallen asleep under the covers, positions changed in a way more comfortable for sleeping. Arms remained resting on her back; she’d clung onto him all evening, and him the same.
She took a good look at him, taking in every freckle, every eyelash, every detail that contributed to his perfect face. She noticed the way his chest rose and fell with every breath, eyes flicking, fingers pressing lightly into her back with every twitch. He looked so peaceful, Heather felt bad for waking him up. Almost.
“Alejandro?”
His eyes opened, although sleep still blurred his sight, based on the confused stare he gave her. “What? What is it?” he slurred as he rubbed a hand over his face, “Are you okay?”
There was a blossoming swelling in her heart. “Yeah…yeah.”
Alejandro hummed, pushing her down low enough for his lips to reach her forehead. “Your fever’s gone down.”
A thousand pounds lifted off her shoulders, Heather let out an exhale, now able to breathe easier. She didn’t die and wasn’t going to die! Whatever they had done worked. All the medication, the water, the ointment, even that dumb thing he kept muttering – everything. It all worked. Heather had been cleared!
“I told you you were gonna be fine, you're just a drama queen.”
“Oh, shut up,” she chuckled, expression softening, “It really scared me.”
“I know.”
His eyes bounced around her face, deciphering what was going on in her head, trying to send a message to her telepathically. You have nothing to fear. I’ll always be here. I love you.
“So are you ever gonna tell me what it was you kept saying in Spanish?”
“It’s nothing important, I’m telling you.”
“You saying that is only making this situation worse! I wanna know now, what did you say?”
“Nothinggg. Just go back to sleep,” Alejandro insisted, pushing her back down against his body, Heather resting her head on his chest. Whatever. She’d nag it out of him someday soon. Not even a minute later, she could hear his soft, evened breathing. A hand lazily grazed across his chest, Heather shutting her eyes, the peaceful darkness of sleep taking over once more.
The only reason she was still alive was because of his nursing skills honestly. She may have suggested some of the ideas to break the fever but he was the one who brought her everything and helped execute it properly. He was always there for her, ready to serve hand and foot. He was so good to her. It was a wonderful feeling knowing she was truly cared for.
The only reason she was alive was because of the most important factor: Alejandro’s love.