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On the last day of October in 1989, James and Lily Evans-Potter spent their last night alive in their quaint home on Church Street.
Harry was in Lily's arms and James had a wistful smile on his face. They were clueless that their lives would end before the clock hit midnight.
James took Lily's hand in his and gently squeezed. A small gesture, but reassuring nonetheless. He was thinking about the future he didn't know they wouldn't have.
"Next year will be different. Once this damned war is put behind us, me an' the others will throw a party. One that'll go down in history! Everyone will be with us again, it'll be how it should. I promise."
Although he was trying to put Lily's mind to rest, the words tasted like a lie on his tongue. Bitter, untrue. He wasn't sure of his words.
The distinct absence of their friends loomed over them. Year after year they had spent Halloween with the other Marauders, it made James' heart heavy to know that his friends wouldn't be joining him this year. Sirius, Remus, Peter - and now Lily and Harry, were his family.
He ached with yearning and loss, he missed the three of them terribly. It sometimes felt like each one was a part of him, a vital organ, take one away and he would stop functioning. He trusted all of them completely, no questions asked.
In Hogwarts he had become accustomed to doing everything with them. One was rarely seen without the others, it was almost as if they were attached at the hip.
But those days were over now. They were shrouded in the cold shadow of war, a harsh reality he could never quite get used to.
He would do anything to have them with him again, but he was very grateful for what he did have. Lily, his beautiful wife, and Harry, his son who he loved more than life itself.
Lily's emerald gaze fell on James' deep brown eyes and he could tell she didn't believe him. He didn't believe himself either, but he said what they both needed to hear right now. A small bit of hope to grasp onto in a time of mindless suffering the war has them tangled in.
They had already lost so much. So much was being taken from them, so many people dying. He remembered joking with Marlene and hugging Dorcas just months ago. He remembered receiving the news of their deaths, and how it felt like a punch to the gut. He and Lily spent weeks grieving and even now, they hadn't fully recovered from the loss of two of their closest friends. He suspected they never would.
Then there was Mary. Sweet, wonderful Mary Macdonald. She had been one of Lily's roommates at Hogwarts. Mary, Regulus, and Evan had become a trio he was so used to seeing that it was almost unfathomable that they had broken apart, even now.
He hadn't heard from her, from any of them, in months. He knew Mary was heartbroken from the loss of the two people she trusted more than anyone, they had become Death Eaters and cut ties with everyone.
He would never admit it but he missed the two of them too. Regulus was as much Sirius' little brother as he was James', and Evan had become somewhat of a frenemy to James before everything went to shit. He could never dwell on Evan though, it always felt like James was missing something about him. It was unnerving how the truth slipped through his fingers.
Every time they got a letter they dreaded the news of death. With each life lost came an all too familiar feeling of anguish and heartache.
Sometimes when James closed his eyes he could pretend everything was normal, pretend the war didn't exist.
It never lasted. Reality always set in.
It was a never-ending nightmare. He promised himself he wouldn't let the war take his family, as Lily's voice pulled him from his thoughts.
"Oh yes, I just can't wait for a repeat of last year," Lily replied with a slight smile, attempting to lighten the mood. "You and Sirius drunk out of your minds, dancing on the table like a pair of madmen." Her green eyes shimmered with a playfulness James had grown familiar to over the years.
The fond memories flooded his mind and the corners of his mouth gave a small smile as he spoke. "I very clearly remember you laughing with us."
"I was laughing at you, not with you, Potter."
"Evans-Potter, you mean," James corrected her with a smirk. "And still, you can't deny you were entertained."
She rolled her eyes, an affectionate look on her face regardless. "Halfway through a song, you came up to me and started confessing your undying love for me. Then proceeded to do the same with everyone else in the room, and even managed to get Sirius sobbing at one point. I don't think 'entertained' is the right word for how I was feeling." Lily shook her head. "Times like those make me think you two need a babysitter."
James looked at her lovingly. "Well, that's what we got you for."
"Good to know you're still insufferable, even though we're married now." She counters.
"Only with you, love."
He watched with amusement as Lily's ears turned pink, almost the color of her red hair. Little things like this just made his heart melt. Merlin, he loved her. He wanted to give her the world.
"I will not hesitate to divorce you, James." She shot back with a glimmer in her eye. They both knew it was an empty threat.
"Immmpossible," he says, drawing out the 'm', "you're too in love with me to do such a thing."
"Unfortunately..." She mumbled in defeat as he grinned.
She visibly softened as she shifted closer to him, brushing a stray curl out of his face before gently moving her hand down, caressing his cheek before resting on his shoulder. He turned his head slightly to press his lips gently on her hand.
They stayed like this for awhile, taking solace in this moment of comfort together, their son still in Lily's arms. James used to wish on the stars for moments like this with her.
Finally Lily broke the silence. "It's getting late. I'm going to put Harry to sleep. Check the protection wards, would you?" James nodded as she let her hand fall away from his sunkissed skin. A part of him was disappointed at the loss of warmth.
In turn, he kissed his wife and son on the forehead. "Happy Halloween, my angels."
Lily turned to take Harry to his room, and James let his feet carry him downstairs. He was used to this nightly routine, checking the wards was almost muscle memory at this point.
He stopped in his tracks as he heard the soft thumps of footsteps on pavement.
It couldn't be Sirius, he wasn't their keeper anymore. Peter? Dumbledore, maybe? Perhaps he was imagining things, he thought.
But the sound came again, louder this time. His heart and mind raced, thinking of horrid possibilities. 'Peter,' his mind gives him the name, almost mocking him. 'One of your closest friends has betrayed you.'
White-hot rage burned through him. All those years spent side by side with them, thrown away for what? What could Voldemort possibly have offered him, to make him readily lose a family that had welcomed him with open arms?
A whirlwind of feelings spiralled through him like a hurricane, but he pushed them down.
He rushed to the curtains and parted them slightly, peeking out of the small gap.
His blood ran cold. It couldn't be...
Utter dread hit him as he saw who it was.
Only one thing matters now. Harry and Lily. Ignoring the bile clawing its way up his throat, he turned away from the window and ran back upstairs.
He needed to get them out of here, to protect them.
"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him, I'll hold him off!" He nearly fell over in his rush to save his family.
Fear and panic overtook Lily's face as she held Harry tight, her hands shaking and face going pale. Harry was wrapped in blankets, blissfully unaware of the danger, his innocent green eyes staring up at his parents.
Green, Lily's green.
Where Harry had inherited James' mischievous smile, sunkissed skin, and what was definitely a bit of unruly brown hair growing in, he had been graced with Lily's eyes, striking green, soft, and always feeling. It was one of the things James loved most about Lily, and now his son as well.
Green had always been one of James' favorite colors.
"James -" Her voice sounded strained, as if it pained her to speak.
"I love you." Was all he could manage to choke out.
In that moment, James realized there was so much he still wanted to do, so much he needed to say.
He so desperately wanted to look Sirius, his brother, in the eyes and tell him that he was proud of him.
He wanted to sit next to Remus, his anchor, and tell him that he's worth everything in the world and more.
He wanted to pull Peter (RegulusEvanPeter - why did the list keep growing?) back and ask him what had gone wrong.
He wanted to run up the astronomy tower with Mary one last time, away from the world and its problems, just to cherish the girl he had come to see as a sister.
He wanted to look at his son, who he was already infinitely proud of, and tell him he's so sorry that he won't be able to see him grow up into the amazing young man he was so certain he would be. He wanted to tell him that he loved him so, so, much.
He wanted to hold Lily, his world, in his arms one last time and tell her that she would always have his heart.
He wanted, and he wanted, and he wanted.
There was no time.
His eyes remained locked on his wife for a few seconds longer, taking in the sight of her.
Memorizing her face, the slope of her nose, freckles dotting her cheeks. Strands of her striking silky red hair falling forward. The crease between her brows, pink lips with corners turned down. The fear in her expression and her emerald eyes darkened with emotion.
He met her eyes one last time. He knew what she was thinking, but there was one thing he was sure of.
Tonight, he would die and she would not. He wouldn't let her.
That was something he had promised himself a long time ago. He would not let them die. Not while he was still living and breathing. If that meant he had to sacrifice his own life he would, in a heartbeat.
He looked at her and willed her to understand, as if he could make her read his mind out of sheer stubbornness.
'Thank you,' James thought. 'For the trust, the warmth, the kisses. For giving me a home. For giving me Harry.'
'For giving me a purpose.'
'I love you. I love you.'
"I love you," he reiterated, hoping she would understand the entire meaning behind it.
He hoped Sirius and Remus and the rest of his friends (his family, really) would understand too.
With one last glance, he gave her a sad smile and turned away, despite every cell in his body telling him to stay with his family.
It didn't register in his mind that he had forgotten his wand until it was too late. Some part of him wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. Even in Hogwarts he would constantly forget his wand, earning him lectures from McGonagall that one day it could cost him his life, or worse. If only she could see him now.
His mind screamed at him as he came face to face with Voldemort. There were so many things he could have done differently. Maybe he could have prevented this.
He scrunched his face in disgust as he saw what Voldemort looked like close up. James felt like he'd go mad too, if he looked like that.
James had never been one to shy away from conflict. In school he was an unwavering energy, always providing a rock for people to lean on. Never backing down when one of his own was being harassed. Always protecting, making sure everyone was safe. Safe and happy.
Lily once asked him, "you spend so much time taking care of everyone else, but who takes care of you?"
James remembered brushing it off and changing the subject. Taking care of others was enough for him, at least that's what he told himself.
When she pushed him about it a few days later, he told her it was nothing.
And it really was nothing. (It wasn't... It was everything. He needed someone.)
He was alright with being the one to sacrifice everything if it meant the people he loved were okay.
If they were okay, he was too.
And they were okay because James had stalled Voldemort just long enough for Lily to slip out the back door with Harry.
It was okay because trading his life for his wife and child's wouldn't be the worst way to go. At least they would live.
And so James Potter, stubborn as ever, looked in the face of death and stood his ground.
He always did regret that his last promise to Lily was a lie.
Lily ran through the trees, still holding Harry tightly in her arms. She came to a clearing and nearly collapsed on the ground near the edge of the water trying to catch her breath. She hadn't dared to look behind her until now.
She was sitting in the dark, on dew-soaked grass, shivering as she looked into Harry's eyes and sobbed. She knew in her heart that James was gone.
Just as she started feeling thankful that her son was still alive and with her, Voldemort came through the trees and out of the shadows.
Lily stood up, turning her back to him to keep Harry safe, tears still running down her cheeks.
"Give me the child."
Lily tried to run, she only got two steps before he was in front of her. She screamed in protest as he ripped Harry out of her arms.
Voldemort carried Harry to the water before mumbling 'stupefy' and holding Harry under the water as Lily watched in absolute horror. She had never heard of him using muggle methods to kill.
By the time the bubbles stopped coming up, Lily hit her breaking point. She had lost everyone. Her friends, her family, now her husband and son. She had nothing left.
Still she tried to get away, for their sake. She wanted to stay alive just to avenge and honor everyone who has lost their life.
Her efforts were in vain as he performed the killing curse on her.
She saw a flash brighter than anything she'd seen before, then everything went dark.