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Malcolm Graves, the toughest, gruffest man this side of the Serpent Isles is currently sittin’ alone at the bar sobbing into a pint of ale. Cheap ale.
“He’s quite a sight.” A voice startles me out of my ruminating, but there ain’t no mistaking the sound of those heals.
“Miss Fortune, what brings you all the way down here?” I slightly angle my head to look up at her as she stands beside me.
She gestures to the Graves-shaped blob in front of us. “What do you think?”
I look back up at Graves’ hunched back. I’ve taken up sitting at a table across the room opposite of the sad sight meaning there’s a whole bunch of people in between me and him. But he’s the only one I see.
“What do you expect me to do about it?”
Fortune looks at me like I’m some petulant child, which I ain’t.
She huffs and looks back at Graves. “Fine. What happened this time?”
“He got dumped.”
“Dumped”
“That’s what I said.”
Fortune pulls out a chair and sits down beside me crossing one leg over the other. She looks mighty out of place in this crap shack of a bar.
“He isn’t usually like this when he gets dumped.”
“No, he ain’t,” I agree.
“So what’s different this time, Fate? Don’t tell me you’re the one who broke his heart.”
I turn and glare at her before I can regain my composure. “Why are you here, Sarah?”
“Straight to the chase, that ain’t like you.”
I don’t raise to her bait. I got bigger problems. Problems that are currently ordering what looks like? A shot of rum?
He knocks the thing back and coughs a little before washing it down with his ale.
Definitely rum.
Great.
“I’m here because a word has it that Nilah thinks you’re involved, and she’s looking to right the wrong done to her dear friend there.”
I laugh under my breath. This night keeps getting better.
“Is that so. Well, if she’s looking for a fight, I’m right here.” A playing card appears in my hand, and I start flipping it through my fingers.
“Also unlike you, Fate.” Miss Fortune drums her fingers on the table before reaching over and grabbing my pint. She takes a drink and then coughs. “This is awful,” she grimaces.
I gesture at our highly reputable surroundings.
“Point taken,” she says before finishing my drink.
“Next round better be on you,” I say.
“Won’t be any more rounds if you don’t solve Graves’ little predicament.” I roll my eyes. She stares a me. “Why are you even sulking over here. You two are usually inseparable.”
“He’s a miserable drunk.”
“Who got dumped.”
“Because he got dumped,” I stress. She rolls her eyes.
“Shouldn’t you be over there helping to console him? That’s what friends do.”
I look at her, and snap. “You wouldn’t know what friend does if one bit you in the ass!”
She narrows her eyes at me. A coy little smirk on her face.
Shit. I quickly look away.
“Well, Fate,” she says standing. “I suggest you go over there and help your dear, depressed partner over there while I distract the calvary from tearing you a new one.”
“I still don’t see why any of this is of your concern.”
“Bilgewater’s got enough problems. And right now, three of those problems are sizing up to kill each other.”
She turns to head out. “Oh, and Fate, be quick about it. There’s only so many sea serpents left for Nilah to kill.”
I scoff, “You still owe me a drink.”
She laughs and throws down enough Silver Serpents to buy me and the big guy a round. Like I said, this place is cheap.
I put my card away and sweep up the coins.
Why do I always gotta be the one solvin’ our problems? Maybe I’m getting tired of dealing all of Malcolm’s dubious relationships.
Suppose if I don’t do it, nobody else will.
I stand and walk across the room.
I muster up my most perfectly charming voice. I purr, “This seat taken?”
“Fuck off—” Malcolm grunts into his drink before looking up. “Oh, T.F., it’s just you.”
‘Just me,’ I think sliding onto the barstool next to him.
“What are you having?” I ask.
“Anything.”
I hold up two fingers to the bar tender and put down some coin. In return, two tiny glasses of amber coloured liquid are unceremoniously plopped down in front of me. I slide one over to Graves. “To heal your aching heart.”
He finally looks at me. I pick up my shot and tip it in his direction before drinking it.
It burns like hell.
I hear Malcolm place his empty glass down on the bar.
“Shit’s awful here,” he says.
“Yet, this is where I found you. Had to search half the city.”
That earns me a grunt in response.
It’s gonna be one of those nights.
“What’s ailing ya Mal?”
“What do ya think?”
“I don’t know what to think. Alls I know is here you are drinking away your sorrows.”
The big oaf just sits beside me silently drinking.
Gods, I can feel the cheap rum burning its way through my stomach.
“If I drink with ya, will that help you feel better?”
I can see him crack a little smile under those fuzzy mutton chops. I guess that seals the deal. Anything to make this dumb man smile.
I order us another round of ales and get to work mending his broken heart.
One round turns into another. Turns into shots. Turns into more ale to wash down the terrible shots.
At some point, I ran out of money, but, thankfully, Malcolm was too drunk to notice me pickpocket his coin. I figure it don’t really matter between the two of us whose paying.
“I can’t—” Burp. “I can’t believe that fucker broke up with me! Me!”
I swirl my ale around before taking a drink.
“Imma catch, Tobias! A Gods damn catch!”
Graves sloppily spins on his stool to face me only mostly having to grab onto the bar to prevent himself from falling off.
“I’m good at everything! And look!” Graves grabs his pecs and squeezes them together. “I’m hot! And—" He smacks the side of his ass he can reach. “I got the best ass this side of Noxus!”
Graves chugs the last of his ale and slams the empty tankard down on the bar. “Fucking asshole breaking my heart! Tobias! Tobias!” He punches my arm. I look at him. “Are ya even listenin’?”
“What?”
“The fuck, T.F.! Yer supposed to be comforting me, but yer not even payin’ attention!”
Of course I’m not.
“I am. You’re angry at whoever it is that broke up with you.”
“Whaddya mean ‘whoever broke up with me’?"
“Uhh—” Shit. “I mean that asshole that broke up with you.”
Graves glares at me. “That weren’t the problem with what you said.”
A long, awkward silence stretches between us. I keep drinking.
“Need another round? Let me get you one.” I signal to the bartender and drop more coin on the bar. A new tankard is quickly dropped off, and I pass it to Malcolm. He doesn’t move. Just keeps glaring at me.
“What?”
“Do you even know who I’m talking about?”
I rack my brain. Who was it this time? Not the Northman. Not the trader. “The…” I hazard a guess, “Whale guy?”
“You have no fucking clue. The fuck, Tobias!” Graves yells throwing is hands up in the air nearly spilling his full drink. I quickly reach out the stop the thing from tipping over. “You’re a shitty partner,” he says before grabbing the tankard out of my hands and chugging the thing.
“Ain’t my fault I can’t keep track of your,” I swirl a hand in the air, “ample sex life.”
Graves wipes his mouth with the back of his arm. “What are ya implyin’?
“Nothin,’ Mal,” I quickly stammer. “Buy you another round?”
“Fuckin’ right,” Graves grumbles under his breath. “Seein’ as how yer payin’ with my coin.”
I spin to look at him, “How’d you know?”
“I’m drunk, not stupid.” A cheeky grin appears on his face. “Besides, I’ve been stuck with your terrible ass fer long enough to know all your tricks.”
He looks at me with that shit eating grin. It’s so perfect.
“Yer blushin.’”
I quickly look away and empty the last of my tankard. I can hear Malcolm laughing at me.
I order another round for myself, and we keep drinking.
“Any guy that dumps ya is an idiot,” I say looking deep into my ale.
“Now that’s more like it,” says Malcolm slapping me on the back. “And for the record, it was the ‘whale guy.’”
I look up and point at Malcolm. “See! I knew it!”
Malcolm grins, “You ain’t a half bad partner after all.”
I smile, “Tell that to Nilah when she comes to kill me.”
Malcolm raises his tankard, “I’ll drink to that.”
I raise mine, “Cheers.”
Definitely one of those nights.