Work Text:
The day was hot and humid at high noon, and Mhok didn’t know what he was doing. The sink was full of unwashed dishes, the remnants of last night still there, forming a husk he’d later have to pry off. The house was empty, with Porjai out at work and Mhok out of work. The sound of insects reverberated through the open windows and got stuck in the corners of the rooms.
His hands were covered in soapy water. It dripped down his arm, leaked off his elbow and onto the floor.
What was he doing?
Three days. He’d been in the house for three days and nothing… nothing had changed. He hadn’t changed. Not since the night Day broke up with him and threw him out.
Mhok had hoped that by leaving, Day would notice that he was being truthful, that he didn’t pity Day. He loved him with his whole being. But his phone was on the table. Day had not answered his texts or calls. And Mhok had misplaced his charger with his trembling hands, with his eyes that could not see through the tears.
The phone screen was black. Mhok couldn’t see the light anyway.
What was he doing?
He held the counter with fingers that felt numb. His whole body felt numb.
The day was gone, even with the sun beating down on the kitchen floor. Gone like love. Gone like Day. Gone like Rung. Mhok had not left, had given all of his attention and affection, and it hadn’t mattered in the end. Love still left him bleeding on the porch, crying too hard to make it to his bike.
What had he done? What should he have done?
When his knees hit the kitchen floor, he cried that it didn’t hurt more. But it all hurt too much. He’d seen this darkness before. He’d seen it in a jail cell, surrounded by faces of friends who would leave him behind. He’d seen it in the house when the emptiness was all that greeted him.
But not like this.
True blindness was when you could no longer see hope. There in the kitchen, with the soap drying on his skin, Mhok stared at the cabinet without seeing it. He stared with eyes too blind to see anything. Because he’d tried so hard, but he couldn’t fix this. He couldn’t –
What was he supposed to do now?