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Sungchan was an ally. Really, he was.
If you tallied it up, he probably had more gay friends than he did straight ones. And that was fine! It's never bothered him at all. Only, his roommate...
Sungchan knew it was ridiculous. They had been roommates for a year, friends for even longer, and Sungchan had known Seunghan's sexuality for the bulk of the time he'd known him. It was a non-issue at worst, and at best, it was something of an inside joke. Seunghan was comfortable enough with Sungchan to play flirt with him sometimes, and Sungchan took pride in the fact that they were close enough to joke around that way, as friends.
The problem was, Sungchan was beginning to worry that his acceptance had only been valid in theory. He handled the implicit knowledge that Seunghan hooked up with other guys just fine, but it was different seeing said knowledge laid out on their living room couch in a decidedly explicit manner.
Seunghan didn't seem to have heard the front door open, too distracted by the way Anton—sweet Anton from Sungchan's chemistry lab—was pressing him into the couch cushions (that Sungchan paid for!) and shoving his tongue down his throat.
And to think, Sungchan had so graciously welcomed this guy into their apartment just a few weeks prior. He just couldn't watch a clueless freshman struggle through the semester in good conscience, so he'd invited him over for a midterm study session. He had been happy with the decision at the time. He found that Anton was a pretty chill guy outside of the lab, and their supposed review session quickly deteriorated into just hanging out with their books open. Seunghan had even cooked them all dinner and joined them in the living room once they had dropped all pretenses of trying to study. Sungchan must have been distracted at the time, too busy enjoying Seunghan's cooking and being touched by his thoughtfulness, when he clearly should have been more worried about how well Seunghan and Anton hit it off. To see that shy first-year, fresh out of AP Chem and lost as all hell until Sungchan took him under his wing, on top of his roommate and slipping his hands beneath his shirt; it felt like the worst kind of betrayal.
He couldn't hold back a sound of surprise. Anton lifted his eyes and sprung backward almost immediately, like an animal of prey retreating from danger on pure instinct. Seunghan was slower on the uptake, dazedly sitting up and following Anton's line of sight to where Sungchan stood, hand still frozen on the doorknob. He pursed his reddened, kiss-bitten lips, looking less like a spooked gazelle and more like a house cat caught swiping a glass off the counter. His cheeks were still flushed for reasons that had nothing to do with Sungchan. Tendrils of disgust rose in his chest, clawed at his throat. He had to look away.
Sungchan turned toward his guest instead. "Anton," he deadpanned, annoyed with him for reasons he couldn't quite put a name to. "Always great to see you outside class."
"Uh, yeah," Anton chuckled nervously, lifting himself off the couch and avoiding touching any part of Seunghan as if he had suddenly grown thorns. "You too. I've gotta go, but I'll see you late— um, I'll see you guys."
Anton beelined for the door, barely taking a moment to stuff his feet into his shoes before he fled the apartment. Sungchan held the door open for him.
"Sorry you had to see that," said Seunghan, fixing the collar of his shirt and avoiding Sungchan's eyes. He seemed embarrassed, not nearly as mortified as Anton, but embarrassed nonetheless. Sungchan wasn't having a great time either, if he was honest.
"It's cool, I know got back early. I'll shoot you a text next time." Anything to avoid a repeat of this scene. It wasn't the first time Seunghan had brought a guy back to their place, not by a long shot, he'd thought they had an unspoken agreement to keep their exploits discreet and within their own bedrooms. Sungchan could have lived without a demonstration of what Seunghan had been doing behind closed doors all this time.
"No, it's my fault, we shouldn't have done that in here."
Perversely, Sungchan was glad they did, relieved he was able to cut their afternoon short. Satisfied by the way he sent Anton fleeing from their apartment with his tail between his legs.
What? No. Sungchan has no problem with Seunghan seeing guys. He'd had his fair share of girls over before, and Seunghan never once complained. It was no different with a guy, he knew that.
"Don't sweat it." Sungchan ended the conversation with a painted-on grin. "Wanna order dinner? I just got paid, let's order from the expensive chicken place today."
Seunghan's mouth curled, embarrassment forgotten. "Sure, but you're paying for me too. Consider it practice for a decade from now, when you're a rich surgeon and I'm a starving artist," he teased. It was a joke he made too often to be funny at this point, but Sungchan didn't mind. Hearing Seunghan speak of their future together, even in jest, would always make him crack a smile.
⁂
He was determined to put the event out of his mind, but one glance at Anton in lab the next day had the images flooding back. Anton pointedly faced away from Sungchan the entire morning, but that did little to prevent the memories from replaying in his head. Each glimpse of his chestnut brown hair had Sungchan recalling the way Seunghan's deft fingers had slipped between the locks to pull him closer. The sight of Anton's broad back and shoulders made him think of how he had dwarfed Seunghan on their couch, how Sungchan could barely see his thin shoulders between the cushions and Anton's strong frame.
Anton shivered, nearly dropping the flask in his hand. Shotaro cleared his throat beside Sungchan, patiently waiting for him to hold the funnel in place. He pulled his eyes back to the experiment at hand, now conscious of the fact that he'd been glaring a hole into the back of Anton's head.
It was a bit worrying. Sungchan had nothing against Anton; he certainly hadn't done anything wrong. If anything, he'd be an improvement over the usual pretentious douchebags from the art department that tended to hang around Seunghan. Except something about seeing Seunghan being physical with another guy disturbed him far more than the thought of those guys ever did.
Could it be that Sungchan wasn't as accepting as he had believed? Like some sort of delayed-onset homophobia? It had never been an issue before, but then again, the more intimate details of Seunghan's sexuality had been hidden until that point. Maybe Sungchan was simply grossed out by seeing two guys getting it on. It was only natural for a straight man to feel that way. And unless Seunghan had developed a sudden penchant for exhibitionism, there was no reason they couldn't continue living together as normal, Sungchan's discomfort aside. Nothing would change.
Only, Sungchan once again found himself in the horrible position of tamping down nausea at the sight of his roommate later that week. He was studying in the living room when Seunghan stumbled into the apartment, drunk and giggly with a similarly inebriated Sohee in tow. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Seunghan went out with a group of friends from his department to do too many shots and discuss oil paints or whatever it was art majors got up to on a Friday night, then returned home with Sohee attached to his hip. Oftentimes they crashed the second they made it to Seunghan's bedroom. But not always.
Sungchan felt an odd sense of dread at the sight of Sohee's bleached blonde head trailing in past Seunghan as he struggled to remove his key from the lock. Still, he returned his enthusiastic wave and smiled politely before they staggered off to Seunghan's room. His smile turned strained when Sohee bumped into the picture frame hanging opposite the door on his way out.
He liked Sohee. He was probably the closest person to Seunghan at their university other than himself, and that alone made them friendly acquaintances at least. But the Anton Incident had left Sungchan overly conscious of Seunghan's sex life in a way he had absolutely no right to be, and he sincerely hoped they were both tired tonight.
No such luck.
Not long after Seunghan's door closed, the bass of some R&B song rang through the quiet apartment. Sungchan heaved an audible sigh.
It was no big deal. Really, Sungchan would be concerned if Sohee didn't sleep over with his roommate every once in a while. The last time Sungchan went a month without seeing him shuffle out of their apartment in the morning wearing last night's clothes had been the result of a terrible fight. He would put up with much worse to avoid seeing Seunghan so miserable ever again.
Only, Sungchan was cursed with new knowledge this time. Like the way Seunghan's cupid's bow lips looked parted around a moan when someone kissed his neck. Or how he would slip a lean calf behind the person on top of him to urge them closer. At least, that's how he was with Anton, in the memory they had burned into Sungchan's brain. Was it different with Sohee? Idly, he wondered what Seunghan looked like behind that closed door, what sounds Sohee was drawing from his lips before they were drowned out by the base of his sex playlist.
Sungchan snapped his textbook shut, feeling sick. He would study in the library.
At least Seunghan isn't the relationship type, Sungchan reasoned as he packed his bag. He assumed so, at least. Seunghan hadn't been in a serious relationship since shortly after they moved in together, and he never showed interest in committing to anything other than his odd situationship with Sohee. Sungchan was glad. He didn't even want to think about what he'd do if Seunghan had a boyfriend hanging around their place. No, this he could handle. Nothing had changed.
On his way out, Sungchan straightened the picture that Sohee had swayed into earlier. It was hardly anything special, just a printed picture of Daldal in a cheap wooden frame. Not long after they moved in together, Sungchan had off-handedly mentioned to Seunghan how much he missed his family dog. The photo had appeared on the wall a couple of days later, surprising Sungchan as he returned from class.
"You said you couldn't imagine coming home every day and not seeing her at the door," Seunghan had said with a shrug when he asked about it. "Now you don't have to."
Sungchan had mirrored his nonchalance, offering a simple smile and thanks, and regretted it afterward. He often wondered how he could confess that it was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for him, that it made him smile every time he returned to their place. Each time he came to the same conclusion: it would be too awkward. The moment had passed.
He closed the door gently as he left, knowing it was futile. Seunghan couldn't hear him over the loud pulse of his speakers, and even if he could, his attention was thoroughly monopolized by someone else.
⁂
The next time Seunghan brought someone back to the apartment, Sungchan was prepared. He briefly considered seeking refuge at Shotaro's for the night, but he refused to let this sudden aversion grow large enough to kick him out of his own home. As soon as Seunghan texted him to warn him of his "guest" for the night, Sungchan retired to his room, put on some noise-canceling headphones, and very pointedly did not think about what Seunghan was getting up to on the other side of the apartment.
What he wasn't prepared for was the man standing in their kitchen the next morning, barefoot and wearing Seunghan's blue flannel pajama pants. Sungchan had planned to simply grab a banana and protein shake and leave for the gym, but that was before he found this stranger pulling pots and pans from their cupboard like his name was on the lease.
He turned when Sungchan emerged from the hallway and lifted his chin in a curt greeting. Sungchan didn't recognize him, but his handsome face and artful looking bedhead put him on the offensive.
"You're the roommate, Sungchan right? Want anything?" he asked with a casual tilt of his head.
"Yeah," Sungchan answered honestly. "I want you to get the fuck out of our apartment."
He had the nerve to look taken aback, like Sungchan was being unreasonable. Who did this guy think he was? Seunghan may have invited him over for the night, but that offer didn't extend past the earliest hours of the morning. Sungchan knew him better than that.
Slippered feet padded down the hallway towards the kitchen, as though summoned by the negative energy filling the room. Seunghan leveled Sungchan with an unimpressed look as soon as he got close enough, no doubt having heard their brief exchange through their thin walls.
"Hyung, leave Eunseok-hyung alone," he scolded, though it was dampened by his messy bangs and the gravely morning voice that Sungchan always treasured hearing for reasons unknown.
"I just wanted to make you some breakfast," Eunseok-hyung said, pouting like a child. Sungchan rolled his eyes, but Seunghan ate it up, moving far too close to Eunseok and rubbing his arms in comfort.
"You're sweet, but it's okay. I have to get to class soon anyway," said Seunghan. Despite the revulsion in his gut, Sungchan's lips formed a mean smirk behind Seunghan's back. That liar—he didn't have any classes on Fridays.
Eunseok pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. He opened his eyes briefly in the middle to meet Sungchan's stare, somehow conveying defiance without so much as a twitch in his expression. The smirk fell. For a moment, Sungchan wanted to mess up that perfect face so much that it startled him.
Eunseok left to gather his things, while Sungchan and Seunghan bustled around the kitchen in silence and waited for him to leave. More specifically, Sungchan stewed in quiet rage, shaking his protein shake with much more vigor than necessary, while Seunghan shot nervous glances between him and the drink as if wondering which would explode first.
The moment the offending man left their home (with a promise to text Seunghan-ah soon), Sungchan slammed his shake on the counter and whirled on Seunghan.
"What the hell is up with that guy?" he demanded.
"What the hell is up with you?" Seunghan countered with a bemused furrow in his brows. "I can bring over whoever I want. It's my apartment, too."
"You're right, this apartment belongs to you and me, not you, me, and whatever random fuck you had over that night walking around like he owns the place!" It came out louder than Sungchan intended. Every bit of the exchange that morning had made his skin crawl, had left him burning with a horrible feeling he couldn't name but had to get out somehow.
Seunghan's voice remained quiet, level. "Eunseok is my friend. Don't talk about him like that." Before Sungchan could shoot off another snarky remark he'd regret, he continued, "And don't talk about me like that, for that matter. Just because I ignore you when you get all pissy about me seeing people doesn't mean I'm going to let you call me a slut right to my face."
Sungchan's blood turned to ice in his veins. "What are you talking about? You know that's not why—and I'm not—"
"It's not just Eunseok. Anton refuses to come within a block of our building, and don't think I haven't noticed you acting like a dick to Sohee lately." Was he? Sungchan didn't mean to treat the guy any differently. The way Seunghan was all over him at every given opportunity had begun to grate on him, sure, but it was normal to be a little possessive of your best friend who you lived with.
Seunghan chewed on his lip, looking away. Sungchan knew he hated confrontations like this, and he regretted even bringing it up. "I know you get uncomfortable about this stuff, but it's not okay how you've been so fucking rude lately. Just tell me. Do you have a problem with me bringing guys around?"
This was Sungchan's worst nightmare. He'd hoped to sort out his feelings before Seunghan caught on, but he let his temper get the better of him and it was all coming to light. Regardless of the strange thoughts lurking in his mind, Sungchan didn't want to feel any of this, and he couldn't let Seunghan think he did. "Of course not. What do you mean uncomfortable? You know I don't have a problem with you being gay."
"Do I?" asked Seunghan wearily. At Sungchan's incredulous look, he sighed and continued, "I mean, I know you said that but... you realize you only met Soobin once in all the months we were together? That every time I mentioned he'd be somewhere, you suddenly found an excuse not to go?"
Sungchan hardly thought that was a crime. No one liked being a third wheel, and even in a larger group he'd still be forced to witness their gross flirting and the way Soobin pawed all over Seunghan like he owned him. Better to preserve his sanity and blood pressure and just stay home. As far as he was concerned, the cumulative ten minutes he'd spent in their presence as a couple was already ten minutes too many.
He expressed this sentiment (though leaving out most of the details), but Seunghan wasn't finished.
"Okay, sure. But remember why we don't go clubbing together anymore? What's your excuse for standing over me like a guard dog and growling at every guy who looks at me?"
And hadn't that been a legendary argument. There was a time when Sungchan had an open invitation to join Seunghan and Sohee and the others on their club nights, but that was swiftly rescinded after the first outing. They liked to play a game of seeing who could pick up the most free drinks by the end of the night, and Sungchan had found it fun until Seunghan decided to throw his hat in the ring. He amassed a grand total of one drink that night. After witnessing that first man feel Seunghan up on the dance floor, Sungchan stuck to Seunghan's side while he moved throughout the crowded room, glowering at anyone who got too close and insisting he'd buy him all the drinks he wanted. Seunghan hadn't taken him up on the offer. He actually didn't speak to him for an entire week after that, only relenting once Sungchan swallowed his pride and apologized. Whatever. Sungchan still stood by his actions, however short-sighted and tequila-soaked they were.
"I'm not doing this again," Sungchan tried to tread carefully, keeping his tone light. His goal was to defuse the argument he had so foolishly started, and rehashing this discussion was a step in the wrong direction. "We agreed, if you want to go out and let drunk weirdos slobber all over you in exchange for a vodka cran, it's none of my concern." ...It came out more caustic than he intended.
Seunghan's face was rapidly flushing, either from embarrassment or anger, he wasn't sure. Sungchan only knew he had to reroute the conversation, fast.
"Look, I'm sorry I snapped. I was wrong. It's none of my business who you bring over," he said, genuinely contrite. Some may find it cowardly, the way Sungchan was so quick to acquiesce when it came to Seunghan, even when he was the one who started the argument. He could handle the silent treatment, but confronting Seunghan face to face like this, watching the hurt and indignation wash over his features in real-time, rapidly weakened his resolve. He just hoped to god that Seunghan never realized he could get Sungchan to agree to just about anything so long as he looked distressed enough.
Seunghan only seemed more vexed by his response. "Really. That's it? Am I just supposed to forget everything because you're sorry? I don't want an apology, I want to know why you're acting so... weird."
"I know it sounds bad, but I don't have any problem with you being gay. Genuinely. I just..." Why did he act that way? He wasn't typically so prudish, or so overbearingly protective of his friends. He knew Seunghan could handle himself. Still, it bothered him on a visceral level to see him give all his attention to guys who didn't deserve him, who couldn't possibly know him like Sungchan did. "I just want the best for you," he finished lamely.
Seunghan stared at him dubiously. "It's not as if you're celibate either," he finally said in what Sungchan thought was a bizarre non sequitur. "You had a different girl over each night of the week early in the semester, if you remember," he grumbled, crossing his arms.
It was true that Sungchan had wanted to have some fun before his classes sapped him of any and all energy. Not everyone has the luxury of being an art major, he would tease Seunghan, just to rile him up. Seeing Seunghan genuinely upset like this wasn't nearly as enjoyable.
"Anyway, if I could deal with it, you should be able to, too," said Seunghan. He bit the inside of his cheek and looked away, finally running out of steam
Sungchan was dumbfounded. He had no idea that his hookups upset Seunghan this way. Could it be he felt the same way that Sungchan did, sick to his stomach with disgust at the sight of him with a girl? Maybe it was just a roommate thing. It must be natural to be put off by seeing someone you're close with absorbed in someone else.
"You're right. I'll apologize to Sohee, and Eunseok if you want. I've... I've just been stressed lately. It has nothing to do with you." A white lie, but he couldn't stand the thought of making Seunghan feel like he was at fault. This was Sungchan's problem to fix.
His words didn't have the intended effect. Seunghan still stared at Sungchan as if he were a stranger. After a moment, he shook his head, willing to let it rest for now. "Whatever. You do that. I'm going to go stay with a friend for a bit."
Against his will, Sungchan wondered which friend. He would bet money on it being Sohee. His stomach churned.
Seunghan returned to his bedroom, and Sungchan stayed where he was in the kitchen, slowly putting away the pans and utensils that someone had laid out. It felt wrong to leave first, to move on with his day when he had upset Seunghan enough to make him abandon their apartment. He was half-heartedly meal prepping some lunches (half as many as usual) when he returned, clad in one of Sungchan's favorite sweatshirts with a duffle on his shoulder. Sungchan complained about Seunghan stealing his clothes often enough that it was probably meant to be an act of pettiness, but it didn't have the intended effect. Sungchan would never be bothered by the sight of Seunghan lounging around their apartment, wearing his clothes and using his things. He'd let Seunghan think he was getting one over on him, then smile when his back was turned.
Sungchan looked away while Seunghan made his way to the door, unwilling to watch him go. He heard him slip on one of his shoes, then the other, and finally, there was the slow creak of the doorknob.
The door never shut. Sungchan looked up to see Seunghan paused in the doorway, hand still on the knob.
"It's okay for me to fuck the guy I'm staying with, right?" he taunted, loud and unashamed of how his voice carried down the hall. The old lady next door would no doubt be giving Sungchan scandalized looks tomorrow. Only Sungchan, since Seunghan will be gone. "As long as I'm not here, you don't care what I do?"
"I don't," Sungchan said through gritted teeth. "Do what you want."
Seunghan was gone before he could blink, slamming the door shut forcefully enough that it reverberated through the apartment. The picture of Daldal fell from the wall.
⁂
"So, it's not that I don't enjoy a free meal," Shotaro began, sitting across the table from Sungchan. "But I assumed you would want to talk at some point, not just sit there looking like you're about to cry into your ramen."
Sungchan had realized the error of his ways shortly after inviting Shotaro to lunch at Seunghan's favorite spot. He had worsened his grief by ordering his go-to meal in a ridiculous tribute, so he now sat mournfully swirling the mild broth in silence.
Shotaro groaned, "Dude, he's been gone for what, three days? And didn't you say he paid his part of the rent for next month already? He's not moving out, and he's definitely not dead, so relax a little."
"But you don't understand Sho, there's no way for me to fix this!"
"What are you even trying to fix?" Shotaro asked, exasperated. "I can't help you if I don't know the situation. I mean, I can take a guess, but—"
"I think I'm homophobic now." Sungchan blurted before he could lose his nerve, staring resolutely at the woodgrain of the table. There. His dark secret was out. He knew he deserved every bit of judgement he got.
"Eh?"
Sungchan chanced a look up at Shotaro, prepared for the anger and disappointment he would see on his face. Instead, Shotaro just looked perplexed, tilting his head at Sungchan like he was waiting for the punchline.
"Can you tell me why you think that?" he prompted slowly when it became apparent Sungchan was not joking.
"I thought I was okay with Seunghan being gay, but lately I— I feel disgusted, and upset when I see him with other guys. Even seeing Sohee around our apartment just makes me so angry." Shotaro's eyes narrowed at the mention of Sohee, so he quickly soldiered on. "Just knowing that he's over at some dude's place right now doing god-knows-what makes me feel sick. I'm homophobic," Sungchan confessed, finally pushing away the bowl he'd been toying with.
Shotaro fixed him with an incredulous look, furrowing his brows like he was genuinely concerned for Sungchan's intelligence. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, gracefully swiping the untouched chashu from Sungchan's cold ramen into his own bowl.
The pork was half gone when he spoke again. "So," he began. "You, the man who threatened to beat up the entire soccer team because their midfielder talked shit about your roommate being gay, you're homophobic now?"
He was still mad Seunghan talked him out of that one. "I mean, I don't have a problem with gay people in theory, it's just, with Seunghan—"
"Right, you're fine with Seunghan being gay, but not with him bringing other guys to your apartment. Or going over to another guy's place. Or just being with another guy in general, I guess?"
"Yeah," Sungchan agreed miserably, putting his head in his hands.
"Hear me out, have you thought that maybe, that feeling you're talking about is jealousy?"
Sungchan frowned. "But that doesn't make any sense, why would I be jealous? I mean, I know I don't get around much anymore, but it's because I need to focus on school, not because I can't," he explained, hoping it didn't make him sound like a complete jackass.
He was unsuccessful. Shotaro rolled his eyes so hard it looked painful. "Not of Seunghan, dumbass" was all he deigned to say before digging into Sungchan's abandoned bowl of ramen in earnest, leaving Sungchan to parse out his meaning by himself.
Truly, Sungchan loathed the fact that Seunghan fucked other guys. It made him sick to think about, sure, but worst of all, it made it hard to simply enjoy Seunghan's company like he used to, before Sungchan's traitorous mind ruined everything. He needed to find a way to take it all back, to shove those ugly feelings into a box in the back of his head, so they could go back to normal. So they could go back to existing peacefully in their own little bubble away from the world, enjoying each other's presence without any other guys getting between them. The thought of him moving out and finding that comfort in someone else made him sick with jealousy.
Oh. Oh. Huh.
Sungchan put his palms flat on the table and stood. "I have to go."
"Sit down, loverboy," replied Shotaro with a lazy motion of his finger. "Pay the check first, then he's all yours."
⁂
Maybe Seunghan wasn't as upset as Sungchan convinced himself he must be. All it took was a simple text of "please please i'm sorry come back to the apartment i have to talk to you its super important please i miss you" for Seunghan to reply "omw". He even texted him again 3 seconds later, "chill".
When Sungchan arrived on their floor, heart pounding out of his chest, Seunghan was already there. He was stood in front of their door (with his duffle bag!), caught on his way in by one of the most gorgeous men Sungchan had ever seen in his life. His soul just about left his body. There's no way he was going to let yet another guy steal away Seunghan's attention. Sungchan had to put a stop to this right now.
He power walked over to the two, pointedly ignoring the interloper giggling at something his roommate said, and swooped in to take Seunghan by the arm. Then Seunghan gave him a look, and he obediently loosened his grip. "Hey, can we talk?" he asked, glancing meaningfully at the unwanted third party.
The man beside him blinks his huge eyes in confusion, but gracefully exits the conversation. "Um. Anyway, glad we ran into each other. I'll see you tomorrow to keep working on the project?"
For the project, sure, that's how they get you, Sungchan thinks as he makes quick work of the lock. Thank god I was here to intervene.
"Yeah, see you, Wonbin-hyung," Seunghan managed to get out before Sungchan all but dragged him through the doorway.
"What is wrong with you?" Seunghan demands the second they're alone. "Now I can't talk to my classmates without you throwing a fit? What's next, my professors are off limits? You want to be the only man I talk to or something?"
It was sarcasm, he knew it, but Sungchan couldn't help his response. "Yeah."
He could count one hand the times he'd seen Seunghan rendered speechless, and this was definitely the most satisfying one.
"You were right, I don't like seeing you with other guys," he confessed. "But I don't want to tell you how to live your life, and I don't want you to leave. I just... want you."
Seunghan remained frozen, staring at Sungchan like he was waiting for him to take it back. Sungchan grabbed the hand that wasn't holding the strap of his bag and stared back, projecting all the sincerity he could muster.
"I know this is out of nowhere, and I'm not telling you because I expect anything. I just need you to know. So, if you can forgive me for being an ass all this time, and it isn't too weird for you, can we just go back to—" Seunghan abruptly pulled away to drop his duffle to the ground with a loud thud.
By the time Sungchan dragged his gaze away from the floor to his roommate, Seunghan was invading his vision, his space, his everything.
Despite the abrupt start, the kiss was slow, tentative. Seunghan bit his lip, so gentle, as if too much force would shatter the moment. He brought his hands up to bracket Sungchan's jaw on each side, his touch featherlight and unyielding. Sungchan hardly noticed. He had no intention of going anywhere.
But he couldn't ignore the uncertainty still burning in the back of his mind. Sungchan leaned back, just enough so that Seunghan's lips didn't render his words unintelligible.
"Does that mean— Do you...?" He didn't know what he was asking, the possibility that Seunghan would reciprocate his feelings had felt like a pipe dream. He hadn't thought this far ahead. Sungchan felt light-headed, melting easily when Seunghan brought them back together.
"You really haven't noticed?" he asked in between kisses, trying and failing to keep his lips from pulling into a grin. "All this time? I wear your clothes more often than I wear my own, hyung."
"But.. that's just..." He'd thought it was a friend thing. Seunghan said his clothes were comfortable, and god knows he couldn't deny the man anything.
"You never asked why Soobin and I broke up."
Sungchan scowled. Context aside, hearing Seunghan speak another man's name against his mouth rubbed him the wrong way.
Seunghan seemed to find his discomfort endearing, swiping a thumb against his bottom lip. "I couldn't shut up about you. I was so happy we were moving in together," he sighed, voice turning serious. "I hope you know you'd have to do a lot worse to drive me away."
Sungchan didn't even have to think about it. "I won't." No way would he let Seunghan slip through his fingers now that he had him (in the way he'd always wanted, apparently).
"I won't," he repeated, insistent. Out of words but brimming with a desperation he didn't know he was capable of.
Seunghan's eyes were crinkled in the corners when he leaned in for one last peck on the corner of Sungchan's mouth. The contact was brief, but Sungchan felt it for what it was.
I know.
⁂
"We're going to be late," complained Seunghan, again. And just like the first time, he proceeded to do nothing about it, winding a hand around the back of Sungchan's head and keeping him pressed into the curve of his neck. Really, Sungchan could hardly leave even if he wanted to, with the leg locked around his hip holding him in place.
"We have plenty of time," Sungchan mumbled into Seunghan's jugular, punctuating his sentence with a sharp nip against his skin. He had no idea what time it was. His priorities simply lay elsewhere. On the couch, to be specific, letting Sungchan brush his hands down his sides and ruck up the sweater he had so meticulously picked out for their outing.
"Your hair is all fucked up," he insisted, unashamedly gripping the strands when Sungchan ground their hips together. "It's gonna take time to fix."
"You're right," Sungchan panted. He swept forward to reclaim Seunghan's lips, using the back of his head for leverage. Soft gasps fell from his mouth as Sungchan tugged, and he swallowed them greedily. He gave his hair one last ruffle for good measure before he leaned back, sitting up lazily between Seunghan's legs to admire his handiwork.
"Now we match. You have a hickey, too, by the way," said Sungchan. Seunghan brought a hand up to his neck and groaned. Sungchan rubbed a comforting hand down his thigh. "We'll be late for sure. Let's just stay home."
Seunghan sighed, finally dropping all pretense of trying to get them out of the apartment. He pushed himself off the couch to straddle Sungchan's lap and tapped him firmly on the nose, not willing to let him off the hook just yet. "We're trying to get my friends to like you, remember? They still believe you're some overly possessive brute, just so you know," he emphasized. It didn't bother Sungchan nearly as much as it should have.
Behind Seunghan's head, the photo hanging on the wall by the door caught his eye. Sungchan hadn't bothered to put it back up after it fell, too busy wallowing after Seunghan's dramatic departure. He was so embarrassed when Sungchan told him why it fell, and the photo was back up that same day, all but fused to the wall by entirely too many adhesive strips. There was no way in hell that frame would come down without some degree of property damage, but Sungchan couldn't find it in himself to care. He liked that no matter where they ended up in the future, this apartment would always bear the mark of the time they spent together, immortalized in the grooves under a new coat of paint.
He focused back on Seunghan, who fixed him with a disapproving frown. The effect was dulled by his flushed cheeks and disastrous hair, but Sungchan bit back his smile. What was important to Seunghan was important to him.
"I'll meet them again, and I promise to keep the glaring to a minimum this time," he said, only half-teasing. "We have plenty of time, don't we?"
Seunghan rolled his eyes, but his smile was fond. "Yeah. We do," he said, reconnecting their lips with purpose. Sungchan hooked his arms around his waist. Now that he had Seunghan's full attention, he wasn't going to waste a single second of it.
Turns out, Sungchan had no problem with Seunghan kissing guys, as long as it's Sungchan he's kissing.