Work Text:
Feral misses Fantucciu.
He misses him in the most agonizing way possible.
He misses his smile.
He misses his voice.
He misses the way he would ruffle his feathers.
He misses how excited he got when talking about plays.
He misses reminiscing with him.
FUCK does he miss him.
It’s agonizing, gut wrenching, soul shredding agony that he would never wish upon anyone.
It’s soul crushing hopelessness, the kind that weighs down on your chest and makes your teeth ache from the inside out.
He misses the soft quietness of when they would just hold each other, gazing into each other’s eyes lovingly and longingly as the faint noise of his own purring filled the room.
It’s the loneliness of waking up in the night, looking for your beloved, only for them to be gone.
It’s desperately looking for anything to fill the void, even if it hurts you physically. Drowning it out using whatever you possibly can, no matter what.
He misses that look Fantu got when talking about rehearsals, that passion and sparkle in his eyes. The way he smiled when showing him props that he had made, speaking of them so happily, with such enthusiasm.
It’s talking and talking and talking non-stop, distracting yourself however you can to hide the fact that they aren’t here to talk about things with you. Your brain going at a million miles an hour just to keep yourself functional.
He misses the way they would laugh and laugh and laugh over the stupidest things together, something funny one of them had done or a mishap in speaking or whatever it might’ve been.
It’s saving and collecting things for them knowing they most likely might not ever receive them. The flowers wilting to the stem, the sticks accumulating termites and other bugs, the crafts looking sadder and sadder the longer they sit there.
There’s an audible sniffle. “God-… why did-.. I MISS HIM! I MISS HIM SO MUCH! WHY? WHY DID HE-..” Tears rolled down his cheeks as he wailed. He was a fucking mess.
It’s the horrible feelings of guilt consuming you, feeling as if you could’ve prevented it, as if you could’ve stopped anything from ever hurting them but, you didn’t, you couldn’t possibly have and, that’s what’s killing you. Ripping into your organs and tearing them from the inside out, slowly wrapping around your heart and crushing it as your lungs are stabbed into. Slowly snapping your ribs and spinal cord as you are left to drop to the floor, writhing in agony and slowly dying. Doomed to die a crumpled mess of emotions.
“They took him… my darling.. they took my darling.. they took him.. my one and only…” It’s audible in his voice that he is sobbing uncontrollable, the occasional coughing from struggling to breathe arising every few moments. He felt as if he were going to scream, scream until his vocal cords snapped, scream until his lungs collapsed, just SCREAM until he fucking couldn’t anymore, whatever the reason he couldn’t keep going didn’t matter. “My love.. my love… why would they take you from me… why couldn’t you have stayed with me..?” He felt sick to his stomach as his wailing continued, shaking his lanky frame as he desperately tried to wipe his tears away.
It’s the depressing feeling of realizing no one would ever love you again. Realizing that YOU would never love again. That wretched feeling of understanding that that was the only one who would ever tolerate you enough to hold you in their arms, snuggling with you and wordlessly assuring you that everything would be okay was gone.
The only noise that filled the room was Feral’s cries. He had never cried that hard before. It hurt. It fucking hurt. Normally it didn’t hurt this bad, sure there would be a slight burn but that’s just because of his intolerance to water but at this rate, he had been crying for so long and so hard that it was actual fucking agony. He wanted it to stop. He wanted it to go away.
“I-… I just want him back…” his voice sounded so small as he spoke to no one in particular. He winced at the pain of his tears burning into his skin as he sniffled again, beginning to feel exhausted as his weeping slowly quieted. The oversized owl curled up dejectedly, covering himself with his wings. He was far too exhausted and just… sad to even want to bother grabbing a blanket.
“Why did you leave me, mi amor..?”