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Lying in the sanctity of his room, he curled up into himself. Time ticked, a whisper, and a reminder. His mattress was hard, uncomfortable.
Twisting, Yoshiki rolled over, eyes levelled with the roof. A clock ticked, and he heard the sounds of bikes riding through dirt and rubble right outside his window. Kaoru was not home, their mother had taken her to work.
The day had passed by slowly. Every single minute left him to rot, rotting slowly. His body was just as alive as he was, his brain squirmed around his skull like a worm. Itching at his skull, at his head. Ticking like a bomb.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
The summer heat boiled against his skin, sweat, sweat. Sweat sunk into his sheets, his mattress, the blanket that laid half over him.
Yoshiki did not go to school today. Surely his mother would receive a call about him not arriving. Yoshiki found he didn't care about that right now.
His body felt hot, heavy. And he couldn't breathe right all day. Stinging in his eyes, tears had stained his pillows a long time ago.
His heart clunked against his ribcage. It beat, as he was still alive. Yoshiki's fringe lay against his face, hanging over his eyes. He could feel his own heartbeat, far too aware to look past it.
Fingers, nails, digging into his own stomach. Shirt ridden up enough due to his own movements, skin on skin, nails on skin. His fingertips pressed harshly against himself.
Yoshiki could not sleep. His eyes shut, replaying thoughts, memories, sights.
Hikaru. The mountains. Ice cream. Hikaru. That thing. Hikaru.
Blinking once, a tear ran down his cheek. His face was hot, cheeks flushed from the heat. Wind pressed up against his window, and Yoshiki rolled over once again.
His curtains were shut, he only opened when that thing came to visit. The dark was comforting in a way.
Hikaru.
Yoshiki held his own body tighter. His lips huffed out a shaky breath. His heart. It beat heavily. It stung. His body ached with misery.
Yoshiki missed Hikaru.
Yoshiki missed him.
He missed him.
God . God how he missed him.
Yoshiki breathed in, he breathed in hot air until he couldn't do it more. Heaving. He couldn't breathe.
The tears. They dripped down.
Drip. Drip.
Drip.
They hit the ground. Yoshiki's nails dug hard into his legs, his skin. Blood. Yoshiki couldn't do this. He couldn't.
Ouch. Ow. Ow, Ow. Ow Ow Ow Ow.
His shoulder dug into the floor, slamming against the ground with a thud. Yoshiki never prayed.
His own hands intertwined, eyes shut with force. His forehead leant against his bedside table.
Tears splattered against his fingers, seeping through the cracks of his skin. No. Nonono . No. No.
Yoshiki never prayed.
"Yoshiki!" Came a voice, all too happy. He froze. Not now. Not now. Not now. "Why'd you not come to school today?"
Not now. Please. Not now.
"Yoshiki!" Hikaru's voice was louder this time. He was in his room now. Concern littered his voice.
Hands on his shoulders, pulling him up under his armpits. His eyes stared at the ground in front of him, blurry.
His throat was tight, his lips tightened heavy against his face. Hands fell down his sides. "You're bleedin'." Hikaru says, Yoshiki isn't sure he can hear him properly anymore.
He knows he's bleeding. His skin was under his nails, sweeped along with the blood. Tears, crying, he was still crying.
Hikaru's finger traced over the blood, where his leg and skin was teared and red slipped out from his body. "Stop." Yoshiki rasped out, his voice wouldn't stay steady.
Hikaru let go, his fingertips were smudged with blood. The other boy stared at him closely, bright blue eyes. His hot breath was against Yoshiki's face, his cheeks.
"Yer' crying." He says, and it's the most obvious thing. Hikaru blinked, and then his fingers were reaching towards his face.
"Hikaru–" He speaks up. Too late.
The red fingers brush just under Yoshiki's eyes, wiping away tears, smudging blood on his cheek.
Hikaru tilts his head, his thumb wet with Yoshiki's tears, and his blood. He smiles widely, teeth and all. Hikaru licks his thumb, never losing eye contact.
"Why weren't you at school?" Hikaru asks, biting down on his own thumb. "I missed you."
Hikaru steps just a bit closer, and Yoshiki steps away. His mouth stays closed, and his voice doesn't dare to speak.
"What's wrong?" Hikaru asks, his gaze sharpened. "What's wrong?" He asks again.
Yoshiki's lips tremble.
"Yoshiki." Hikaru says, his voice lowered just a tiny bit, his fingers meet Yoshiki's face, soft fingertips on his skin.
His eyes have a harshness to it, burning with an intensity that only Hikari's eyes could convey.
His cheeks burn, the back of his neck screaming from the touch of the sun fueled embarrassment.
Yoshiki looks away. Hikaru pinches his cheek, it stings. "Ah– Hikaru!" His hand raises to his face, eyebrows turning up even further.
Through his fringe, Hikaru's head is tilted, looking at him. The boy's fingers scrape over his face, his cheeks, under his eyes. "Y' shouldn't cry." Hikaru says.
Yoshiki's neck stings, he breathes out as Hikaru stands so closely to him. His eyelashes are wet, Hikaru's hand is still on his face.
"I-I'm… I'm okay." Yoshiki whispers out, choking over his own words. He insists, and he tilts his head away from Hikaru.
"Yoshiki…" Hikaru whispers back, in his face, his breath was hot on his face. His eyes are intense. He speaks quietly, "Are you upset with me?"
He stares, sweat drips down his forehead, his face, his cheek. "Nah– 'ts not that." He insists, wringing his fingers.
"You must be upset with me." Hikaru said, his finger pressing against his bottom lip. "What did I do? 'M sorry."
Huffing out a breath, Yoshiki looks away. "I'm not upset with you…" He says.
"Why won't you look at me?" Hikaru asks, his hands tightening on Yoshiki's shoulder, it makes him look at the other boy.
"I wasn't feeling up to anything today…" He says, leaning his head against the wall. "I stayed home."
Arms tighten around him, he breathes out suddenly, eyes widening. Hikaru huffs out through his nose. "I was worried 'bout you." He says, holding Yoshiki tightly.
"S-Sorry…" Yoshiki shakily chokes out.
"I don't want to be away from you ever again." He says, and Hikaru's voice booms confidence, certain, convinced.
He doesn't respond to the other boy. His eyes blurred at the ground, chin on his shoulder. Hesitant, shaky, his hand hovered over Hikaru's back.
"I feel like I'm nothin' without you." Hikaru says, nails dug into his shirt. "Today was unbearable."
"...I'm sorry." Yoshiki whispers, his spine shivered with Hikaru's touch. Blinking away the tears that soon ran down his cheeks. It felt like Hikaru's touch, his hugs, his voice. It wasn't. It wasn't.
Hikaru pulls back, an intense stare. "Y' shouldn't apologise either." He breathes in, wiping tears with his thumb.
"Okay…" Yoshiki says.
"I'll always keep you safe, Yoshiki. You know that, right?" Hikaru asks, and at Yoshiki affirming hum, he leans in closer.
Staring at the wall, Yoshiki finds he cannot say another word. His throat itches, dread fills his spine, dripping like upside down rain.
"Always."