Work Text:
James hadn’t quite been himself lately. He was still sweet, doting, and thoughtful. He kept up his schedule training and walking Bear, kept working on projects around their home, kept massaging her knee each night after they’d eaten dinner. But he was also quieter than usual and she saw how he struggled to be present when they were spending time together. Harper saw this distance in his eyes when he wasn’t really watching tv with her and she noticed how calm their sex life had gotten since being rekindled a couple months prior. He was waking up in the middle of the night and disappearing to the living room to read more frequently, too – something he hadn’t done since Bucharest. It was clear from the fact that he never mentioned his nighttime awakenings and how he was always sure to be back in bed with her by morning that James thought she was unaware of this, but this was perhaps the change that had her most concerned. There had been times when he had been more distant or withdrawn and he still had occasional nightmare – she expected that given his traumas. But how disrupted his sleep had become and his secrecy were not what she’d come to expect of him even in his more difficult times.
Harper wasn’t sure what to do. Being direct about his struggles had rather blown up in her face last time she’d tried, and she didn’t want a repeat of that major fight. However, her more indirect attempts of checking in on him hadn’t been fruitful thus far. There was rarely a day he reported being anything other than good, always had a positive report of his day’s activities, and hadn’t come to her with any issues at all. There was nothing that had happened, to her knowledge, to have even possibly triggered anything from his past.
It was while she was going through her calendar at work one day to iron out a start date for a new grief counseling group she and a colleague were piloting that she realized what the problem might be. July was quickly approaching, and with it came a rather significant date. With this new theory in mind, what was she to do?
***
Several days of brainstorming and courage-gathering were necessary before Harper decided: fuck it. She loved James dearly and he was hurting. There was no reason he should be suffering in silence and secrecy any longer. Even if he didn’t want to talk about anything or if he wanted to continue to cope on his own, he should know that he didn’t have to bear it all quite so quietly if he didn’t want to.
Harper: I’ll be a little bit late tonight, so don’t worry!
James: Everything okay?
Harper: Yes, everything is fine. I’m making a stop on my way home and didn’t want you to worry.
James: Should I get dinner going?
Harper: Only if you’re really hungry. I won’t be super late.
James: Okay, be safe. See you soon.
Harper: I will be. Love you, hun. <3
James: Love you, too.
***
“James, Aslan, Bear!” Harper called gently, toeing off her shoes by the door. “I’m home!”
Heavy footfalls zoomed across the wooden floors and soon Bear barreled around the corner to greet her. The brunette smiled and cooed, “Hello, sweet boy! How was your day? Did you go outside with your dad? See any squirrels? Smell any trees?”
“All of the above,” James’s voice supplied as he turned the corner. Aslan was tucked in his arm, cradled like a large, furry baby. “Welcome home, darlin’.”
“Hello to my other sweet boys,” Harper grinned. She crossed the entryway and rose up on her toes to place a gentle kiss on her partner’s lips and then another between the feline’s ears. “Sounds like Bear had a good day. What about yours?”
James shifted Aslan slightly in his arm, metal fingers reaching out to scratch his cheek affectionately. “This big guy had a good day. He’s eaten well, let me brush him, and hung out in his window seat for a while. The bird feeder has been a great success, by the way.”
“I’m glad,” Harper replied earnestly. “What about your day, hun?”
“My day was fine,” he answered, predictably vague. “How was yours?”
“Good,” she said with a nod. “Do me a favor and wait for me in the kitchen?”
He raised a brow at her and asked, “What’s going on, doll?”
“It has to do with me being late. I knew I’d be swarmed by this energetic giant,” Harper explained with a chuckle, scratching Bear’s head affectionately, “so I left what I stopped for out front until all hello’s had been exchanged.”
“Alright,” he accepted with a shrug. The former soldier turned and placed Aslan on his feet on the floor. The pair watched the large dog trail after the aged cat until they settled curled up with each other on the large pet bed tucked against the couch. As James ambled away to the kitchen as she had asked, Harper frowned. He seemed even more disconnected and sad.
Second-guessing her plan, she ducked back outside and gathered her purchases in her arms. She had to remind herself that – at minimum – he would appreciate that she cared for him. He had always seen and appreciated the various ways she supported and loved him.
Harper crept her way to the kitchen, ignoring the fact that there was no way she could ever be quiet enough to escape his super soldier hearing. Sure enough, James turned in his seat at the island as she approached. His brows shot up toward his hairline, eyes widening in genuine surprise. His reaction prompted a rush of heat to spread across her face and down across her chest. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“Harper?” the brunet questioned. She stopped standing in front of him, their eyes locked for a moment. Steeling herself, she extended her hand and the bouquet of peace lilies she carried. Slowly and with marked uncertainty, James reached out to accept the white blooms. “You… bought me flowers?”
“I did,” Harper confirmed with a nod. “You’ve done this for me loads of times and I’ve always looked up the meaning of the flowers, you know.”
His expression shifted in a way that told her he did not know. Faint pink colored his cheeks. Blue eyes slid downward to the lilies in his grasp.
Gently, Harper continued, “I’ve been trying to talk to you about something for weeks, but wasn’t sure how. I figured I’d let the flowers broach the subject, and I also thought you deserve flowers just as much as I ever have.
She watched him carefully, feeling ever more uncertain when he was still and silent. Finally, James tipped his head up to look at her again and she saw his blue eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. Her heartbeat kicked up, scared she had hurt him with the gesture.
“James, I-”
“I’ve never, ever imagined a woman giving me flowers,” James cut her off, his voice quiet and tight. “But if I had, I don’t think I would have predicted how nice it feels.”
Harper sunk to the barstool beside him, reaching out a hand to squeeze his knee. “So… it’s okay?”
The soldier nodded. “I get you flowers because I love you and think about you all the time. Because I want you to have a little reminder that you’re special and bring beauty to the world. And because I’m grateful for you and want you to be happy. That you might…”
He trailed off and she saw him swallow the emotion constricting his throat. Her fingers curled harder around his knee. “I love you so much, James, and I think about you all the time, too. And lately, I’ve been thinking about how you’re in pain.”
The surprise returned to his face. A sad smile twitched at her lips and she continued, “It took me a while to figure it out, but I think I did. We don’t have to talk about it, but I want to acknowledge it. There’s a really tough day coming up, right?”
James had to blink back tears and swallowed harshly again. “Yeah.”
Harper stood and moved closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. A gentle hand at his nape guided his head to her chest. The cellophane wrapped around the flowers crinkled at he shifted, setting the bouquet on the countertop so he could encircle her waist without crushing the delicate petals. His arms squeezed around her middle, fingers digging slightly into her back as he held onto her tightly. Dipping down, Harper placed a kiss atop his head.
She held him like that for a long time, curled around his broader form protectively. His nose rubbed against her sternum when he shifted, nuzzling against her. Barely above a whisper, he admitted, “I’m struggling, Harper.”
“I know, James.”
“It’s almost Steve’s birthday and he…”
“I’m sorry, hun. It must be so very, very hard.”
“For you, too,” he breathed, pressing a kiss to her collarbone. “I know you miss him.”
“I do,” she agreed with a nod. “Steve was one of the only supports I had to get through the Blip and I loved him for it. He’s one of the best friends to ever be part of my life.”
“Steve and I… we’re brothers.”
“Brothers by choice, brothers in arms,” Harper reflected, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Even still."
“Mhmm,” James hummed his confirmation. “I love him, too.”
“I brought something else,” Harper mentioned, hugging tighter before pulling away just slightly. “Wanna see?”
James looked up at her with dry eyes this time, nodding. Harper shifted and his eyes followed, falling for the first time on the item she had placed on the island while he was absorbed with the flowers. It was a simple white box secured with a length of twine. Harper nudged the box toward him and didn’t catch the glint in his blue orbs when he saw the logo of their favorite neighborhood bakery.
The soldier carefully untied the twine and lifted the top of the box to reveal a cake. It was fairly small in diameter, but was tall at three tiers. It was covered in thick white frosting and topped with white and dark chocolate shavings. There was an oval pick in the middle which read, “Happy Birthday” in glittering silver letters.
“To celebrate him. I know it isn’t quite the day yet, but-”
“It’s perfect, doll,” James interrupted, voice earnest. “Thank you.”
He leaned over and pressed his lips to hers. It was the warmest kiss they’d shared in weeks and Harper’s heart swelled.
When they separated, Harper swooped in for one more quick peck before admitting, “This is what I envisioned for dinner.”
James barked a laugh at that, the sound music to her ears after not hearing it for so long. “I love your cooking, but I will also never say no to cake for dinner.”
“Perfect,” the brunette grinned, standing to grab a couple of forks. Given that James could honestly probably eat the entire thing himself, it seemed silly to put on the farce of getting out a knife and plates as if they would have any leftovers.
***
“Good night, doll. I love you,” James declared, reaching out to flick off the bedside lamp.
“G’night,” Harper responded, feeling the bed shift as he settled beneath the covers. “Love you, too.”
Time stretched in the dark room, the sound of cars and distant sirens the constant backdrop even in the outskirts of the city. Her hearing was nowhere near as advanced as his, but she was certain his breathing was not low and slow enough to indicate sleep. The brunette scooted closer to him and pressed a gentle hand against his arm. A soft push encouraged him to turn onto his side. He didn’t question her, just obliged. She wondered if he thought it was for her comfort in their shared bed.
Harper wrapped herself around the soldier spoon-style, kissing his nape. She whispered, “If you can’t sleep tonight, wake me up, okay?”
James breathed a laugh. “I shouldn’t be surprised you knew about my trouble sleeping, huh?”
Her lips formed a smile against the warm skin of his neck. “No, you shouldn’t be.”
“Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”
“Just because you’re having a tough time doesn’t mean you should be alone.”
It was quiet between them again for a long moment before she felt him nod. “Thank you, darlin’.”
Another kiss preceded her earnest, “You’re so welcome, James.”